The Garfield Show (2008) s01e11 Episode Script

1
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[eerie soundtrack playing]
-[Odie yips]
-Hi, Odie. I'm too busy to play.
I'm making my special double-wide,
triple-cheese, meat and meatier lasagna
for Liz's birthday.
[Odie whines]
Can't have you underfoot just now, boy.
But here's a nice bone.
[Odie whimpers]
[dog snarling loudly]
[snarling]
Okay, let's have it.
Huh?
The bone. And it'd better be meatier
than the one yesterday or else
Tomorrow, get him to give you more of
those doggy biscuit treats I love so much.
[whimpers]
[Jon humming]
[Jon] Almost done.
[newscast theme playing]
[man] In other news, a rare alignment
of cosmic forces will occur tonight.
Professor Harlow Cranfranz explains.
I know that smell.
I know that smell and I love that smell.
Yes, the Dog Star, Sirius,
otherwise known as Alpha Canis Major,
is in a unique position
with regard to the star Canopus,
and are both in unprecedented alignment
with the moon.
Now, you say this could have
a strange effect on dogs on this planet?
Only the very stupidest ones.
In fact, a dog would have to have almost
no IQ points at all to be affected.
Well, what have we here? Lasagna!
Take a good look at it, folks.
It won't be here for much longer.
Oh, no you don't!
It's lasagna. I have to eat it.
It's what I do best.
That lasagna is for Liz's birthday party.
If you touch it, I'm not feeding you
until her next birthday.
Or the one after that.
Or the one after that.
Alright, alright.
I get the message, Mr. Subtlety.
I'm leaving this here to cool overnight.
Don't. Just don't.
Hey! I have willpower
not to eat this lasagna.
No, I don't. Yes, I do.
No, I don't. Maybe just one taste
[Jon snarls]
Alright, alright.
So, there'll be one lasagna in the world
that doesn't get eaten by me.
It had to happen eventually.
Hi, boy.
Did you enjoy that nice bone I gave you?
[Odie whimpers]
Well, the lasagna can cool overnight.
[yawns] Maybe I'll turn in early.
Amazing. I thought for sure Garfield
would devour that lasagna,
but it seems he's put it
completely out of his mind.
I will not eat that lasagna.
I will not eat that lasagna.
I will not eat that lasagna.
Why can't I convince myself?
[Odie] Huh?
[creature howling]
[Odie whimpers]
[Odie muttering]
[roaring]
I don't care how much my stomach growls,
I am not gonna eat that lasagna.
[creature snarling]
[gulping food]
-[clang!]
-What's that?
[roaring]
[yips]
-Odie! Did you hear anything in here?
-Uh-uh.
I can't imagine what made that
[gasps]
Lasagna for ten people gone!
And I think it's pretty obvious
who ate it.
[snoring]
-Garfield!
-[Garfield screams]
[gasps] What's the big idea?
Garfield! You ate lasagna for ten people!
I did? Huh, I don't remember that.
I meant what I said, Garfield.
I'm never going to feed you again.
Good night!
But I that is I didn't I
Maybe I did.
It's come to this. Not walking in my sleep
but eating in my sleep.
Sorry I ate that lasagna,
and I didn't even know it.
[sighs] I bet it was good.
[Odie] Huh?
[creature howling]
[roaring, snarling]
Maybe I was too rough on Garfield, saying
I was never going to feed him again.
I'll tell him he'll get food again
in a year or two.
[roaring continues, furniture breaking]
[roaring stops]
Garfield, I was thinking that never
is a long time not to eat, so
[gasps]
[Jon stammering]
[Jon snarls]
-Garfield!
-[Garfield] Yaaaaa!
[Jon, muffled voice]
Garfield, how could you do this?
[unmuffled]
Garfield, how could you do this?
And don't tell me you didn't do this.
-If you didn't, who did?
-Maybe the pup?
Don't pin this on poor,
sweet, harmless Odie.
Odie couldn't do something like this!
I've had it with you, Garfield!
[Odie whimpering]
[creature howling]
[dog] I hope you brought me
some doggy treat biscuits.
Well, where are they?
[Odie mumbling]
What? No doggy treat biscuits?
I warned you, runt.
[snarls]
Hey, you're not getting away
from me that easy!
[dog barking]
When I get my paws on you,
you'll learn to take orders!
[Odie yipping]
[creature howling]
[dog barking]
[dog snarling]
Now I've got you trapped, runt!
[Odie stretching]
[stammering] I was just kidding
about the doggy treat biscuits.
You can have them all.
In fact, you can have mine.
I never liked them.
[Jon] I hope the TV still works.
As I have been continuously
telling everyone,
the odd alignment of the stars
could turn a dog into a savage,
out-of-control monster.
Gee. Could that have happened to Odie?
Of course, it would only happen to a dog
who was really and truly stupid.
Yeah, that would be our Odie.
Garfield, I may owe you an apology.
Let's go find Odie quickly!
[dog] Put me down! Help!
I have a hunch I know where he is.
Yaaaaa!
[sighs]
-There you are, boy. Are you okay, Odie?
-I don't know.
We'd better take you to see that professor
we saw on the news.
I called the station and got his address.
He's on Century Boulevard.
[Garfield] There's an all-night pizza
place on Century Boulevard.
[siren wailing]
Oh, no. There's a policeman signaling
to pull me over.
[officer] What's the rush, pal?
Oh, he's really gonna believe this.
It's my dog, officer. We think he may be
turning into a huge, crazed monster.
No, honest.
A professor on TV said it was possible.
We're going to see him right now.
[officer] Roll down the window and let me
look at this monster of a dog.
That cute little puppy? A monster?
-[officer gasps]
-[Odie stretching]
[Odie snarling]
[car body creaking]
-[motorcycle engine revs]
-[car roof clangs]
-Garfield, did you see what happened?
-Nope.
-[Odie] Huh?
-That's just your basic Odie.
[Odie barks]
Well, just in case, let's get him
to that professor as quickly as possible.
Sorry to wake you up, Professor,
but we were worried
That your dog might be turning
into a monster
because of the pattern
of the moon and stars?
I don't think that's possible,
not with such a harmless little creature!
-[slurps]
-Ohh!
[Odie yipping]
Also he does appear
to be quite stupid.
We had to come to a professor
for that news flash?
-But what if it is true?
-Even if it is true, it does not matter.
The particular alignment of stars
that caused the change, it is over now,
and will not occur again
until the year 3459, on a Tuesday.
Well then, problem solved.
If it ever even was a problem.
Besides, I have to deal with the following
alignment of the moon and stars!
It may cause an eclipse
that will affect cats.
-Cats?
-Cats?
Yes, but not to worry.
If it does happen, it will only affect
a very small number of cats.
Which cats, professor?
Only the ones that consume
vast quantities of Italian food.
-[professor shrieks]
-[Garfield snarling]
[screaming]
Hmm. I think I'll go see
if that all-night pizza place is open.
Hello.
Yoo-hoo!
[vacuum whirring]
[Garfield sighs]
The first person to invent
a remote control for vacuums
will be adored and venerated
by all of catkind.
[vacuum stops]
I know it's early, Garfield,
but Liz's parents are coming
and everything needs to be perfect!
Oh, I can't greet them like this!
What impression would that make?
Ohh.
An honest one?
Liz's parents will be watching me
like a hawk and analyzing my every move.
Jon, I think a walrus threw up
on your shirt.
[Jon screaming]
[Odie yips]
[Odie whimpering]
Odie, well-bred dogs don't beg!
You can't
Odie! I just got through
mopping that floor!
[whimpering]
[sighs] I'll deal with it later.
Now, where is
that expensive caviar I bought?
[Garfield] Mmm.
[Jon screams, snarls]
Alright, listen to me, you two!
My future with Liz is at stake.
When her parents get here, I expect you
to be on your best behavior.
[Odie yips]
And to make sure that happens,
there's a reward in store for you.
Whichever of you makes the most effort
to make a good impression
will get a special treat.
-[Garfield snickers]
-[Odie snarls]
Odie, go fetch the grooming brush,
I'm going to give you two a makeover
before our guests arrive.
[Odie yips]
Ha ha! No way.
I'd rather cough up a giant hairball
than share a brush
with that mangy fleabag.
I'll do my own grooming, thank you.
Have it your way, Garfield,
but Odie just scored a point
in the effort category.
-Good boy, Odie! Good boy!
-[Odie yipping]
What a suck-up.
I think I'll fit in a little beauty sleep
before the guests arrive.
[snoring]
-[horn playing "La Cucaracha"]
-Yaaaaaaa!
[thud!]
[Odie yipping]
No! My suit! Get your filthy paws off me!
Down, boy! I said get down!
What in the world is going on out here?
[gulp]
I'll tell you what.
That maniac dog of yours pounced on us.
Have him on a leash
if he can't behave.
Odie, bad boy! I am so sorry about that.
Please, please, come in.
We'll get all of you cleaned up inside.
That goes for you too, Odie!
[whimpering]
Hi, Jon. Nice shirt.
Minus one for Odie. That reward is mine.
He doesn't usually jump
on guests like that.
He must have been really excited
to meet you.
Speaking of which,
you haven't been properly introduced.
Mom, Dad, this is Jon.
Jon, these are my parents.
Hi, I'm Mrs. Wilson,
but you can call me Betty.
-And I'm Mr. Wilson.
-[knuckles cracking]
Ha ha. Um Nice to meet you.
Ahem. I believe you're already well
acquainted with my dog, Odie.
And that's Garfield, my cat.
My, that's a fat cat!
Liz, you should put that cat on a diet!
Oh, it's a pleasure meeting you too.
You've got a nice place, here, Jon,
but this house needs a woman's touch.
I don't know about the house,
but Jon certainly does.
That being said, an extra hand
in the kitchen wouldn't hurt.
So, Jon, Liz tells us you're a cartoonist.
That's right, I
Personally, I've always been for solid,
respectable careers.
None of that fancy-schmancy stuff.
I'm a tax auditor myself.
That would've been my second guess,
after undertaker.
-[chomp!]
-Ohh!
[gasps] Bad boy, Odie!
[Odie whines]
He's usually very well-behaved.
Minus two for Odie. Reward, come to papa.
Raising pets is like raising children.
It requires a great deal of discipline.
Do you plan on having children
one day, Jon?
[Liz] Dad!
Speaking of children,
I haven't introduced you
to my son yet, Jon!
Your son?
Liz didn't mention she had a brother.
[bag unzips]
Jon, this is Petey. My pride and joy.
I raised and nurtured him
ever since he was a baby.
-I can trust your pets with him, can't I?
-Oh, sure. No problem.
Because if any harm came to him,
I don't know what I'd do!
It breaks my heart
to keep him cooped up in a cage.
So she coops us up instead.
She spends her time closing windows.
And you spend it opening them.
He's always saying it's stuffy.
Isn't he the smartest,
cutest little thing?
He's the son I never had.
I would've said plump and juicy.
And he's going to be the hors d'oeuvres
I'm going to have.
[toy horn squeaks]
-Snack time!
-[Petey] Go ahead, be my guest.
Try it! See what happens.
It'll be the most fun I've had in ages.
Trust me.
[Petey tweeting]
I went to a lot of trouble chasing you.
So humor me. Fight, struggle, beg, plead.
"Oh, please, Mr. Cat, don't eat me."
There. Is that exciting enough for you?
Oh, You're gonna have
to do better than that.
-[roar]
-[squawking]
[Jon] Garfield!
[Petey squeaking]
I'm warning you, Garfield!
If I catch you with that bird again,
forget the reward!
-And no TV for a month!
-No, stop!
I wouldn't gloat if I were you.
I may be minus one, but you're minus two.
Forget that insipid sack of feathers.
It's like trying to get an adrenaline rush
from a slice of plain white bread.
Ha ha!
Inanimate pre-sliced cold cuts
are a hundred times more exciting.
Please, please, please, Mr. Cat! Eat me!
Come on, I know you want to.
Just do it. Please?
Hey! You're supposed to beg me
not to eat you, dodo.
But I must admit, you're slightly
more tempting in sandwich form.
What's taking so long? Hurry up!
Well, if you insist.
[Petey squeaking]
Petey?
Oh, look, we're all out of hors d'oeuvres!
Why don't I go get us some more?
Oh, I see you've made yourself a nice
[Petey squeaking]
[shrieks] Canary sandwich?
I'll give you one last warning, Garfield!
If anything happens to that bird,
I'll put you on bread and water for life!
I need to get as far away as possible
from that psycho bird.
Petey!
Petey, where are you?
Come to mama. It's not like him.
He never leaves my side for long.
Don't worry, Mom.
He couldn't have gone far.
Yeah, it's not like this house
is a mansion.
Maybe he went upstairs.
We can go look.
Perfect. That should keep me
out of trouble until the guests leave.
-[squeaking]
-Ohh!
Missed me?
-[squeaking]
-[Garfield snarling]
[squeaking continues]
[Mrs. Wilson] Petey?
[gasps]
Garfield!
Petey, no!
-[gasping]
-Aaah!
Petey!
-[Garfield] Did I do that?
-[Mrs. Wilson sobbing]
I thought so. I'll be right back.
[Petey] Stay where you are!
Don't come any closer!
Listen, it's a cruel,
cold world out there,
full of mean, hungry cats,
not pushovers like me.
I'll take my chances!
You'll have to fend for yourself!
And when you're sick,
no one will make chicken soup for you!
Birds don't eat chicken soup.
Oh, right. Okay.
What about Betty? She'll be devastated.
She raised and nurtured you.
Smothered me, you mean.
I've been wanting to break free
from day one.
And thanks to you, I finally did.
I'm free as a bird!
Farewell, Garfield!
No! No. Oh, no!
No. No, no!
-Petey.
-Maybe it's for the best, Mom.
How many times have you brought him
into the clinic because he banged
into a closet window?
He'll be happier out there.
I'll be honest, Arbuckle.
I didn't like you the minute I saw you.
But after what your cat just did
-I know, it's unforgivable. It's
-It's a miracle!
That darn bird was the bane
of my existence.
I've been trying to get rid of him
for ages, and thanks to that cat of yours,
he's gone for good!
From now on, Jon,
you're part of the family.
Wow, I don't know what to say.
Thank you, Mr
-Bob?
-Mr. Wilson. Don't push your luck.
[squeaking]
[slurping] Mmm!
[Jon] Garfield?
I might as well get it over with.
It's time to face my fate with dignity.
Beg!
Oh, merciful, merciful, Jon!
Take pity on me! Oh, please.
[Jon] Garfield, where have you been
all afternoon?
Your reward is getting cold.
-My reward?
-[Jon] Ta-da!
You earned it, Garfield!
Thanks to you,
I'm on Mr. Wilson's good side now!
As it turns out,
Liz's father couldn't stand that canary,
and you did him a huge favor
by letting him escape.
Ah, Mr. Wilson, a man after my own heart.