The Persuaders (1971) s01e11 Episode Script

(Speech in German) (Cheering) An inspiration, Werner.
A glowing inspiration.
Yes, Monsieur le Compte.
(Speech continues) We must never forget, Werner.
Never.
No, sir.
(Applause) You are ready for the appointment, sir.
The appointment.
Yes, thank you, Werner.
We must never, ever forget.
Now, Werner.
We lost him.
- Did you see his face? - No, sir.
We're getting rusty, Werner.
Our reflexes are slowing down.
I want what that man has, Werner.
And I will have it.
- Bonjour.
- Bonjour, monsieur.
Attendez, s'il vous plait.
Votre correspondence.
- Merci.
Votre clé.
- Très bien.
I hope you do not think it impertinent, but what is it? That (Sniffs) That's chopped liver going around and chicken soup.
- Oh.
- And pickled herring.
- From my Aunt Olga.
- Votre tante.
If I'm not in a kitchen, she thinks I'm starving to death.
She doesn't know this food can kill.
- Not in this hotel.
- I hope not.
- Qu'est-ce qui ce passe? - What's going on? Hello.
- Put these in the box.
- Oui, monsieur.
(Talking over each other) Suzy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Terribly sorry.
Mrs Wager! You're welcome.
Excuse me, please.
- Suzy, hi.
- Danny Wilde! - How nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- What are you doing here? - Guess.
You got engaged.
- Married.
- That's wonderful.
Meet a friend of mine, Danny Wilde.
- My husband, Frank.
- Hello, Frank.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Suzy's told me a lot about you.
- All bad, I'm sure.
Hold that, will you? - You don't mind? - We're staying a while.
- Wonderful.
- We could get together.
- Why not? - Let's do that.
- Let's get away from the crowd.
- Bye, darling.
Goodbye.
Why aren't I invited to weddings? They might invite you on the honeymoon.
Look at him.
Thank you.
- How you doing, pal? - Well.
- New suit? - Does it meet with your approval? My compliments, to your butcher.
It's made from the hairs of a rare midget Mongolian Llama.
Wonderful.
When that llama finishes the coat, maybe he'll make you a shoulder purse.
Your tailor has a sense of humour, too.
- Did you bathe this morning? - Oh, that's a Hungarian salami.
- Aunt Sadie.
- That's who.
- Have you finished the insults? - Yes.
- Shall we go? - Sure.
Will you send this up? - May I take your wand? - Yes.
Be careful, it may turn you into a human being.
I can't wait to see this one.
Whoa! It's doing great! Look at it go! - Did we win? - We lost.
That's four losers in a row.
I don't believe it.
- You're getting better.
- We better pick an omen.
Sit down.
- Let's see if we can find an omen.
- Pardon, monsieur.
Here we go.
I found one! - Bim Bam.
- What's that in aid of? Bim Bam.
When I was 18, I knew a girl named Gretchen.
You have a remarkable memory.
She was big and she kinda looked like a horse.
- I'm sure it'll be a winner.
- What's it got to do with Bim Bam? Don't you know anything? What did you learn in those fancy schools? Pardon.
Excusez-moi.
How do you do? - Daniel? - Yes.
I see you got the bird again.
Suzanne Villeigne est mariée.
Suzanne Villeigne, daughter of the infamous Marquis de Villeigne, honeymooning in Paris with her American millionaire husband, Frank Wager.
Suzy's a nice girl.
An improvement on her father.
What her father did was what he did.
She had nothing to do with it.
I merely quote from history.
Listen, he did a bad thing, or supposedly did.
Why should those crimes be visited on the girl? She's a nice girl.
By the way! I think I have figured out a new system.
- What's that? - Bet losers.
We've been doing that since we got here.
Let's have a drink first.
I want this man killed.
All right.
Look at it, man.
Look at it! In the background.
The man holding the bird.
His name is Wilde.
Daniel Wilde.
Werner has established that much.
He is staying at the Hotel Plaza Athenais, posing as an American playboy.
I want him dead.
And I want the bird he is holding.
Simplicity itself.
I hope so.
But Luther, we want nothing to lead back here.
I am not an amateur.
You may depend upon me.
(Clicks heels) We'll have none of that heel-clicking nonsense here.
Just results, Luther.
It was too much heel-clicking that lost us the war.
Luther! You show great confidence.
Perhaps because you look at me and see an old man.
Because Werner is not as young as he was.
Show him we are still dangerous, Werner.
(Groans) Good luck, Luther.
- A fool, Werner.
- Yes, sir.
Follow him.
Let him accomplish his work, then end the contract.
Very good, sir.
(Rings) Hello.
- Who was it, darling? - I don't know.
They hung up as soon as I answered.
You're not two-timing me already? Like if a man answers, hang up.
You're the most jealous man I ever met.
- You better believe it.
- All right.
(Woman) Sin! Sin! - Sin! - Hello, Pru.
- Sin! - It's not an invitation, it's an abbreviation - Sinclair.
It's lovely that you're in Paris.
I didn't know.
It's lovely.
I've been so bored.
It's been fantastic, but the collections are awful.
- It's lovely to see you.
- You've got a nice hat.
Oh, yes.
- Sir? - Nothing.
I'm waiting for a friend.
You have been having a little excitement in the hotel.
- I saw the photograph.
- Yes, sir.
Mr and Mrs Wager.
And Danny was here, too? I'm not mistaken, am I? That is Danny Wilde? - Yes, sir.
That's Mr Wilde.
- I thought so.
- Would you bring me a telephone? - Sir.
My suite has one of the most exciting views of all Paris.
We'll have one drink and go up and I'll show you.
The view's not just an excuse to get me up to your room? - Pru.
How could you? - Suite 211, please.
- You - That is Mr Wilde's suite.
It's not.
Operator, don't bother.
Mr Wilde has just come into the lobby.
You do understand I'm only coming up to your room to look at the view? I'm sorry.
What were you saying? - Is the view an excuse, Sin? - Yes.
You know I'm not that sort of a girl.
Tell you what, I'll take a picture of the view and send you one.
I may not be that sort of a girl, but the least you could do is try and persuade me.
- (Phone rings) - Just a minute.
Hello.
Yes, long distance.
No, this is not Mr Schwartz.
You got the wrong room.
Coming.
One second.
(Mutters) What is it? - Mr Wilde? - That's me.
Excuse me.
What? You Oh, how do you do? Excuse me.
Tarzan.
Aaaaa! - Come on, what happened? - Very little.
I simply explained to the police why I was dancing in the street with a dead man.
Now will you explain, who was the guy? His name was Siegfried Luther.
The chances are there was nothing personal in him wanting to kill you.
Listen, you English dumb-dumb, what is more personal than a bullet between the eyes? My eyes.
- Will you listen? - I'm listening.
The police believe he was hired.
Oh.
And what do you believe? I believe that having tried once and failed, they could well try again with somebody else.
Oh.
Well, I'm taking out more insurance.
(Phone rings) Hello.
Yes, speaking.
Sorry.
Speak up, please.
What? But, no.
No, I cannot now.
Who is it? Hello? Who was that? - Oh, wrong room.
Nothing.
- I see.
I don't have any more postcards.
I better get some.
- I'll call room service.
- Don't bother, darling.
I'll go down to the lobby.
Suzy.
Yes.
Are you all right? Yes.
I've never been happier.
You were expecting to meet me in the lobby.
In my line of business, the unexpected is safer.
Who are you? Never mind me, it is you that matters.
The daughter of Marquis de Villeigne.
The Great Traitor, isn't that is name? The man who sold France to the Germans.
- That is not true.
- The world believes it.
I don't care.
Do you care enough to prove he was not a traitor? It will cost a lot of money.
But you have a very rich husband.
I wouldn't ask my husband for money.
I couldn't.
Think about it.
I will be in touch.
Do not follow me.
I am an old hand.
Ah, thanks.
I've never been to a man's room alone before.
- You do believe me, don't you? - Yes.
If you believe I have never asked a woman to my room before.
Touché.
- Oh, OK? - Yeah.
OK.
- OK.
- OK.
- OK? - What are you talking about? I hope it's really cool, Sin, because I'm feeling really warm.
(Clattering) Easy, sin! Don't worry, Daniel! Daniel? Where's he gone? Do you mind? - What are you doing behind there? - Hiding.
- Is that all the thanks I get? - Thanks a lot.
Well, someone's determined.
That's twice in one day.
Yeah, twice.
Why? Who? Why are they trying to kill me? Have you been doing anything without me? No, no.
Who could it be? Why? I'll tell you one thing, I'm not leaving and neither are you until we find out who these people are.
If it kills me.
Daniel Sorry if I woke you, Mrs Wager, but you have had time to think about it.
Are you interested? Good.
I thought you might be.
You will get your instruction.
Can't you tell me any more now? Hello? Hello.
I shouldn't imagine they'll try anything again tonight so I suggest you curl up with a good book.
There's something else I'd rather curl up with.
Should they try and kill you, do it quietly as you're ruining my love-life.
- I didn't mean to.
- Good night.
Good night.
(Knock) - Danny, you've got to help me.
- What? - There's this horrible little man.
- Hold on.
- He wants a lot of money.
- Calm down.
He wouldn't understand.
Wait (Screams) I know about your reputation, Wilde.
Until now I thought it was idle gossip.
- But now stay away from my wife.
- Frank Not again.
What was that about or will you let my mind run wild? That was more social than the last.
They're friends.
You should keep out of honeymoons.
- It wasn't that.
We - I hate you! What? Pru! Pru! I'm not moving.
Daniel, this has not been one of our better days.
It was stupid and ill-planned! Fortunately, the situation is not irremediable.
I have brought in the help we need.
- May I ask who? - Groski.
- That snake.
- He's good! Extremely good.
- He is a savage.
- But good.
He takes pride in his work.
When does he arrive? He's here already.
You call me a snake.
You say I am a savage and yet you, both of you, wallow like a couple of cattle in the field.
Yes.
We all know your views, Groski, but how do you intend to deal with this man Wilde? Let me see if I have got the situation clearly in my mind first.
This Mr Wilde has an object that you want desperately? Right? Yes.
I have seen the newspaper photograph.
Merely possessing this object gives him some knowledge which is dangerous to you.
- Therefore, he has to be silenced.
- Precisely.
I don't see what the problem is.
It seems simple to me.
Get him on the phone.
I will issue him with an invitation he cannot refuse.
Meanwhile, some of my employees will offer him an irresistible sum of money and then, when I have the bird in my hands, I will They are ringing his room now.
Mr Wilde, please listen carefully to what I have to say to you.
OK.
The attempts on your life have not ended.
They will try again.
Mm-hmm.
If you do business with me, the worries about your life will be ended.
You will find my terms are most generous.
Would you like to discuss it with I would say about 100,000 francs is a nice round figure.
As round about as you can get.
Yeah, I like it.
You tell me where and when and I'll be there.
Right.
In how long? In an hour.
OK, I'll find you.
Goodbye.
- Now, I - He agreed? Naturally.
I want this purchase to look as genuine as possible so I need the money.
Don't worry about it.
It'll be returned when it's all over.
- Arrange it, Werner.
- I must brief my associates.
- That's it.
- I'll go in first.
Give me a minute and when you come in, you don't know me.
OK.
(Disco music) - Bon soir.
C'est combien? - Dix francs, monsieur.
Oh, dear.
- You don't have a gun.
- How could you tell? - Shall we sit down? - Would you frisk me again? I could frisk you? We thought you'd rather do business surrounded by people.
Not really, but if you insist.
Pardon.
You might be suspicious if we picked an isolated spot.
I probably would be.
What do you want? - Have you got it? - Yes.
Right here.
I thought it'd be quite bulky.
- How bulky could it be, I mean - I don't know.
I've never seen it.
Believe me, it's not bulky.
- Here is our side of the deal.
- Yes.
- It's all there.
- Thank you.
- What about your side? - Crafty creature.
I have it right here in my pocket.
- Excuse me, but this is money? - So is this.
I'm not here to buy money, I got money.
- We have our wires crossed.
- Yes.
What are you selling? I'm not selling, I'm buying, hence the money.
I'm buying! Whoever's selling, isn't selling.
I know.
Let's start again where you were frisking me.
- Where you going? - Wait.
I'll keep this to make sure you come back.
Don't let me catch you frisking anybody.
- What is happening? - I've met a wonderful frisker.
Bully for you.
(Drowned out by music) Excuse me a minute.
May I just see Ah, yes.
Would you go away, please? - Excuse us for a minute.
- I believe There has been a misunderstanding.
I'm looking for the guy that tried to kill me.
I'm willing to pay for that information.
Excuse me.
Whereas, I wish to buy the bird.
What bird? - This bird you've got in your hands.
- That's not mine.
The guy behind the photographer, it's his.
He dropped it, I picked it up, they photographed it.
This is an error? - Yes, that's what it is.
- The fools! They really are fools.
I'm afraid this error is going to have to be rectified.
Right.
Here's your money.
Rectify it.
- Not here.
Are you out of your mind? - There's people around.
I'm afraid, Mr Wilde, you already know too much about this.
I don't think so, but whatever you say.
- I don't like doing this to you.
- I understand.
I want you to go towards those stairs, you understand? - Right.
- Remember, there'll be a gun on you.
- No nonsense.
- This is yours.
Thank you.
You go ahead.
- Wait, wait.
- What for? The money! Thank you.
- Cabaret time over? - Come on, Your Highness.
It was beautiful.
A farce! Your stupidity has made me look foolish.
After seeing the photograph, it was a logical assumption to believe Wilde had the bird.
In my business, I need certainties not assumptions.
And I need assistance, not criticism! We have lost time.
We need to move quickly now.
Move, but where? We have no identity of the man who has the bird.
Perhaps.
But we do know there are only two people in the world who would be interested in purchasing it, myself And the daughter of the Marquis de Villeigne.
Precisely.
When he makes his approach to her, we shall know of it.
A bird.
All this has happened because of a bird.
That's the seventh time you've said that.
A bird.
They tried to kill me because of a bronze bird.
Which only goes to prove how dangerous it can be to go around picking up strange birds.
It's a case of mistaken bird.
Mistaken identity.
I had an ancestor who was mistaken for someone else.
I got news for you, I don't want to here about it.
- The Marquis of Castlehay.
- Really? - Do you want your eggs? - No, please eat it.
It'll keep your mouth shut.
This was during the French Revolution.
I'm not interested.
He and his wife were doing the European tour.
When they got to Paris, the carriage was surrounded by a mob of angry, revolting peasants.
You see, my ancestor bore a most uncanny resemblance to Louis XV.
Before he could deny it, the mob dragged him to the guillotine.
- Did that really happen? - Mmm.
Yeah.
There he was with his head on the block, the blade poised to fall, head up, when his wife burst through the mob and explained.
- She saved his life, huh? - Uh-uh.
She couldn't speak French.
She married again shortly afterwards.
You do that to me every time and I let him get away with it.
Now, let's get down to solving your case.
The facts as I see it are, you bumped into a man Excuse me, you got the facts wrong.
He bumped into me.
His case fell open, I picked up his stuff.
And got photographed.
Right, holding his bronze bird.
It's obvious that the man they really want is the one you bumped into.
Exactly.
- Which one's he in the picture? - He's hid by the photographer.
- Pity.
- It is.
He's the key to the whole thing.
You must find him.
How am I gonna find a man I saw for a couple of seconds in Paris? You've got to be kidding.
- I saw a film.
Here.
- That's the wrong paper.
- By George, I've got it.
- I think you've got it.
What? Come on.
- She couldn't speak French.
- What Whatever her name is.
- You are sure this device will work? - Of course.
I use only the most sophisticated equipment.
- You searched the whole place? - Yes.
This morning when they went to breakfast.
The girl has not got the bird.
Listen.
(Phone rings) Hello.
I am ready to talk business now, why don't we meet? When and where? Just tell me that.
One hour from now.
Apartment 9, Bois du Seine.
(Brett) A briefcase fell on the ground.
Some letters fell out of it.
This is an enlargement of an address that was on one of the letters.
This is wonderful.
Excellent.
That is as big as I can enlarge it.
- Wonderful.
- Any good? Excellent.
(Danny) "9, Bois du Seine.
" There is number nine.
Neuf and pretty grotty.
Fold up your map, pathfinder.
The smell is awful.
Are you kidding? Smell it, it's ambrosia.
Are you sure some of your aunts didn't pack their food parcels here? Very funny.
Very, very funny.
What makes you think it's up there? - There's a door.
- Let's start at the top.
(Woman screams) Danny! I don't want to go inside.
It's horrible.
Daniel.
- There.
- Shh.
If you wish my unqualified opinion, this is a dead corpse.
Is it the bird man? - I mean, was it the bird man? - Yeah, that's him all right.
Oh, it looks like the bird has flown the coop.
Would you mind if I asked your friend a few questions? Ask her anything you want.
My friend is yours.
Go right up and ask her.
- Mrs Wager - Who was he? I never knew his name.
He kept telephoning me, so I arranged to meet him.
When I arrived, he was like that.
If you'll forgive a pertinent question, why did you want to meet him? He said he could prove my father's innocence.
Innocence Innocence of what? - Haven't you heard the story? - He doesn't know.
Tell him.
I make it a golden rule never to listen to gossip.
Why don't you fill me in? There's not much to it, really.
After the fall of Berlin, some secret papers were found.
They proved that a member of the French Government was a traitor, someone who'd helped push through French surrender.
So they made her father the fall-guy.
There was going to be a hearing, but he killed himself before it happened, and they took it as admission of guilt.
- Did you know all this? - I know everything.
What was the evidence, if any, that he had? I don't know.
He only told me he was willing to sell it for a lot of money.
I just came in.
At first I didn't see him, then I went round the bed and I saw that he was dead.
Well, unless you took a crash-course in pathology, I don't think there's anything left for us to do.
Excuse me.
- What are you doing? - I saw a film once.
Fingerprints.
I'm wearing gloves.
Stanley.
I wish I'd never seen the film.
He signed it, Werner.
Look.
See, his hand actually touched it.
- May I? - Be careful with it.
He did you great honour, sir.
Yes, but he also put you in a spot.
I mean, if that had got into the wrong hands they would have hanged you.
And that is a very vulgar way to die.
So many years waiting, searching.
And now it's mine.
And to think that he signed it.
But we must destroy it.
Destroy this? It's true.
Yes, of course.
It will have to be destroyed.
The Rolls Royce! Where? What? The common factor! There's always a common factor.
I think I'm onto something.
- More Champagne.
- Anything.
Remember the man I chased who got shot? I'll never forget him.
Parked down the street was a Rolls Royce.
There are a lot in the neighbourhood.
That's nothing But not like this.
It was an old, red Sedanca de ville.
- I think I saw it again today.
- Where? Down the street from where the bird-man was killed.
Maybe we can trace it or something? No, them.
There's bound to be more than one.
- I know who'll help.
- Who? The man who looks after my uncle's Rolls.
Good.
Nice for him.
Even when he's not here.
I'm gonna check out this Marquis de Villeigne.
- Is that his name? - Yes.
- By the way, Daniel.
- Yes.
- Did I tell you about Uncle Charles? - Often.
- 14 Rolls Royces.
- 14 wives from what I understand.
That's funny.
(Knock at door) If you haven't got a gun, come in.
I got absolutely nothing here.
Well, I obtained a list.
It's not much help.
It reads like the French 400.
The Duke du Vallaise, Comtesse Ferenac, Compte Marceau, Baron Koro, la Duchesse Sever, et cetera.
Wait, I just ran across one of these names.
- How about the Marquis de Villeigne? - Nothing.
Wait a minute.
Here it is.
Compte Clement Marceau was a member of the government at the time of the capitulation.
That means he served with Suzy's old man.
It's a link I suppose.
Pretty tenuous.
We haven't got anything else.
What's his address? Time for you to go to bed, sir.
Yes.
Yes, Werner.
I'm cold, Werner.
- Sir.
- It's gone, Werner.
Gone.
The furnace.
It's just so much molten metal now.
So, no one can touch me now.
No one.
Shall we? I really should have my head examined.
Thrashing around in the middle of a French jungle.
- Hey, this way.
- This way.
- This way! - This is the quickest way.
- Will you kindly - Look Instead of your words we could have been there.
- You wanna bet? - I get sick and tired of - Bet? - Conditions? Same as always.
Ready, get set, go.
I thought you'd never get here.
I win.
- How'd you get here so fast? - I rang the doorbell.
- That's cheating.
- Certainly not.
It is.
You'll be happy to know my plan has one flaw.
- What? - Him.
- Good evening.
- Nice to see you again.
You're wondering why I didn't warn you.
- Yes.
- He made threats about killing me and you know I'm sensitive about dying.
I know.
Well, what are we gonna do now? - Ask him.
- I'll tell you.
I'm going to usher you through the doors of eternity.
I shall help you shuttle off this mortal coil - I think he's going to kill us.
- I think so.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
But with great beauty and dignity.
Excuse me, if it's all the same, we'd rather not go at all.
Yes.
May I have one for the road? Thank you.
Can I ask you a question? What made that bird so important? Shut up! Ask a silly question, Daniel.
So you have got them both.
Now, there is a nice old well in the garden.
- Very deep.
- That's good.
Now, will you come with us, please? - Cheers.
- Cheers.
(Gunshot) (Groans) This is not the way to go.
This is not beautiful.
This is not right.
(Compte shouting) Monsieur le Compte, I beg of you, say nothing.
There is no evidence.
You fool! You stupid old fool! I couldn't destroy it! He signed it.
You read German.
What does it say? Roughly translated, it says, "To le Compte Marceau, "for his role in making France part of the glorious Fatherland.
" You read signatures.
Oh, Daddy, I I don't know how to thank you! It's wonderful! You're wonderful! She just thought of a way.
Daniel, with your luck, her husband will come walking in.
Oh! - Daniel - Hmm? That is not my hand.
Oh! Will you stop punching peop (Suzy) You can't do that! But Frank! - Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! - Come on! You have to understand I'm going to a monastery.
Count me out.
They don't have girls.
- The one I'm going to does.
- In that case, I might join you.