The Soul Man (2012) s01e11 Episode Script

1 The Soul Man is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
Okay, babe, come on.
Come on in.
- Keep your eyes closed.
- Okay.
Don't bump me into nothing.
Shh, shh.
Come on.
All right--don't cheat! I'm not.
All right, all right, all right.
You can open your eyes.
Bam! Huh? Oh, honey.
Your man wall! I love it! It's the best.
And you don't even know what this is, do you? - Hmm? - This is the first combination gospel-pop jukebox.
Look at right there.
B-12: How great thou art.
B-13: Beat it That's nice.
Does your father know about this? - No.
- Ooh.
Can I be here when he sees it? Babe, do not remind me.
He is gonna hate it, and you know it.
I mean, it's been so nice.
With him gone to Florida all week, I've been able to do some things around here the way I want to.
I know.
You had us up at church Sunday doing the Macarena.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah, it was fun until sister pearly threw her hip out on the Both: A'ight.
[Laughs.]
She walked it off, though.
- She did.
- I gotta say, babe, I think I would be happy with the changes you're making around here.
[Loud bang, thud echoes.]
I take it back.
He sounds angry.
Oh, babe, that's just the church's old generator.
"The Beast," as dad likes to call it.
"has helped run this church for over 50 years! "Just because somethin' old and rumbles and annoys everybody don't mean you gotta get rid of it.
" Are you sure he's talking about the generator? That I do not know.
Well, I'm the pastor around here now, so I'm gonna get rid of it.
[Loud bang, hiss.]
Ooh! Both: Whew! Now I know why they call it "The Beast.
" - Let's get out of here.
- Come on, come on.
Let's get up outta here.
[R&B music.]
The Soul Man Well, dad's on his way from the airport.
I guess the vacation is overfor me.
Yeah, here comes sir grouch-a-lot on his trusty horse grumpy.
How long did it take you to come up with that? I worked on it while I was doing the man wall.
All right, that was the biggest mess I've ever seen in my life.
Where have you two been? Well, lyric was helping me clean up from my party.
You had a party at dad's house last night? Well, actually, it started right after he left for Florida, so it's been going on for a week.
Whew! It was epic, bro.
Should've been there.
Well, I wasn't invited.
Who wants a preacher at a party like that? [Door opens.]
Hello, everybody.
I'm home.
- Oh, grandpa! Hey! - Hey.
Oh, look at you, all well-rested, lookin' like a black Tom Selleck.
[Laughs.]
Your Uncle Ellis is living the life down there in Florida.
We fished, played golf, sat on the beach.
I still have sand in places I can't get it out.
But I have to tell you, I liked it.
Oh, here, lyric, I bought you a tee shirt.
Ooh, dope.
I'm gonna shred it up and stud it.
Ooh, it's gonna be crucial! I have no idea what that child is saying.
So what'd you get me, pop? A roof over your head and the rest of this bottle of water.
Oh, yeah, and life.
You're welcome.
[Laughs.]
Well, this trip must have been great because you are in a good mood.
You know, while I was down there in Florida, I though about how you all are always telling me I should stop spending so much time at the church and get out and enjoy my life.
So I made a decision.
I'm moving to Florida with your Uncle Ellis.
As you would say, bam! [Chuckling.]
Wha-wow, that's great! I mean, of course we're all gonna miss you, but go on, daddy, get your groove back.
And I'm selling my house.
Well, you can't do that.
You're 35.
It's time you lived on your own.
The dream is over.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
Moving to Florida? Selling your house? Daddy, how long have you been thinking about this? The whole plane ride back.
I'm saying good-bye to St.
Louis.
I'm gonna be a beach bum.
How you like me? - [Laughs.]
- Daddy You can't change your whole life on a whim.
Sure you can, son.
Loosen up your suit vest.
You're wound up too tight.
Ooh I like this guy.
Well, I don't.
I think this guy been spending too much time in Margaritaville.
I don't need a drink, I'm high on life! You high on something.
Hey, baby.
Is my Boycey bear ready for his lollipop? I'm sorry, babe, I'm just not in the mood tonight.
I-I can't believe how my dad is just gonna up and move to Florida.
He doesn't even like sand.
Now he braggin' about how it's all up on his crack.
Okay, now I'm not in the mood.
Weren't you just saying this afternoon that you enjoy not having him around, and how, when he's up at that church, he's just driving you crazy? Sure, yes, he drives me crazy.
But it's the good kind of crazy, like you and me.
You might want to re-phrase that.
Yeah, I'm sorry-- "You and I.
" Y'all decent? 'Cause we need to talk about dad.
Get out of our bedroom.
Relax, relax, we got bigger issues here.
- Scoot over, Boyce.
- Get--get off my bed! - Hey, Lolli.
- Get up! Come on, bro, okay? I-I-I'm hurtin'.
Life is giving it to me hard.
I'm gonna be a homeless orphan.
Shoot, it's bad enough that I came from a broken home.
Stamps, mom and dad split when you were 32.
Oh, the wounds still linger.
We have got to figure out a way to stop pop from moving to Florida.
What is the matter with the two of you? This is a great opportunity for your father.
He dedicated his entire life to that church.
And if he wants to go out and have some fun, he earned it.
Y'all two are being selfish.
Wh-why are you on his side? I mean, it says right there in the marriage vows, "thou shalt always be on thy husband's side.
" That's not in there.
It's implied.
I don't even know what I'm worried about, anyway.
He's gonna show up at that church meeting tomorrow, I'm gonna show him what I did to his office, and then I'm gonna tell him that I plan on getting rid of The Beast, and he's gonna be right back to his grumpy old self.
All this seems so stressful.
I mean, daddy's leaving, I hear there's a storm coming.
Y'all mind if I sleep in the bed with you tonight? Both: Get out.
I could put a sleeping bag right here on the floor if you-- Both: Out! Next on the agenda, screaming babies during the service.
When I was a baby, I wasn't allowed to cry.
I move we ban the screaming babies from the church.
Well, now, Deacon Matthews, I don't think we can ban people from bringing their babies to church.
Not all babies, just the screaming babies.
Okay, I'll take that under advisement.
Hey, dad, you're late.
And you're never late.
I'm sorry.
Wait a minute.
Did you redecorate my office? I think you mean my office.
And, yes, I did.
I know you're gonna say something about it, so go ahead, I'm ready.
You know what, son? I like it.
I like the way you blended your old life with your new life.
Kudos.
Did you just say "kudos"? Don't mind me.
As you were.
Go about your business.
Next order of business.
There's a request by the youth department to bring the Internet and wi-fi into the church.
I, for one, vote no.
What's the matter with you, Matthews? We need to move with the times.
I think we should put the Twitter in every pew.
[Chuckles.]
Hold on, daddy.
That doesn't even make any sense.
What are you talking about? I'm just saying we should move this church into the 20th century.
- 21st.
- Even better.
All right, well, since we're moving things, how about we get rid of that old generator that's been getting on everybody's nerves for years? Now, I know you want to keep it.
If you want to get rid of it, fine with me.
Hold on, dad.
You love that generator.
You're the one always saying it's the heart and soul of the church.
I mean, you're the one always talking about, [imitating father.]
"That generator got us through "the blizzard of '58, "the flash floods of '62, and the tornadoes of '71!" [Laughs.]
I never noticed it-- you do a great me! That was priceless.
You should put that on the youtubes.
"You ought to put that on the youtubes.
" It's one tube, daddy.
One.
Bro, dad put the house up for sale.
Two people came by to look at it, and the wife said she was gonna put the baby in my room.
How apropos.
Look, man, I've been thinking about this, and what we need to do is give dad a reason to stay.
Okay, well, what if we scare him away from Florida? Yeah, uh, I'll go in and talk about the dangers of sharks, gators, sexually transmitted diseases amongst the elderly.
I think you might want to let me do the talking.
- All right.
- Look, man.
I say we just keep it real with him.
Let him know we love him and that we don't want him to leave.
We love him.
That's good.
- All right, let's go.
- That's good.
So I like the idea of a sailboat because it feels like you being pushed along by the breath of God.
But I also like the powerboats 'cause they go, "Vroom!" Look, before you set sail there, captain Jack sparrow Stamps and I would like to talk to you for a minute.
- I love you, dad! - Not now.
You gotta build up to that.
- Okay, let me know.
- All right.
Daddy, look.
Your family needs you here.
I mean, Stamps would be lost without you.
I mean, literally lost.
I need you because you make me a better pastor, and Lolli needs you because she didn't have a father.
- What? - She has a father.
I mean, not a good one, you know.
Hey! Hush it talking about my daddy.
I'm sorry, baby.
Come on.
I mean, you know, take one for the team.
That's all I'm saying.
Whose side are you on here? There are no sides.
Look, okay.
Daddy, look.
How could you make a big decision like this without consulting me first? You didn't talk to me when you went off to be a singer.
Tch, I didn't abandon my kids to become a singer.
Kids? You guys are grown men.
- I love you, dad! - No! Son, let me tell you something.
While I was down in Florida, I was fishing with your Uncle Ellis, and I hooked this big ol' Marlin.
I fought that fish for hours.
And while he was thrashing around in the ocean, I looked him in the eye, and you know what I saw? I saw myself, struggling against letting go of my old life.
That marlin was me, fighting against the inevitable.
So you let him go.
No, I ate him.
With a spicy mango sauce.
That was the inevitable.
Look, no matter what you decide, we all support you.
No-no, no, we don't.
Now, no offense, Lolli, but this is our daddy.
- I love him too.
- Not yet, Lolli.
Dad, it's not up to you to decide where everybody is gonna live.
You can force us to move to St.
Louis, but you can't make grandpa stay.
I can still make you go to your room.
You talkin' to me Don't take it out on her because she's being honest.
- Honest? - Yes! [Chuckles.]
Oh, so-- What if everybody was honest? I mean, what kind of world would we live in if everybody was honest? I mean, people would be walking up talking to folks like, "Ooh, you fat.
Oh, your breath stink.
Your baby sure is ugly.
" My husband sure is acting like a child.
Look, I'm--I'm touched by how you all love me.
But I'm still leaving.
Daddy [Stammering.]
Stamps, now! I love you, dad.
Dang.
Daddy been working out.
(Weatherman) Looking at Doppler radar, we see two storm fronts closing in on the St.
Louis area.
Winds are predicted in the upper seventies.
Some are calling this (Both) "The storm of the century.
" Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You always say that, and it never happens.
[Thunder.]
Whoo! Feels like the storm of the century out there.
Well, thanks for closing the door, Dorothy.
What is all this mess? Mess? Brother, this is the top-of-the-line camping gear.
Shoot, if I'm gonna be homeless, I'm gonna be comfortable.
I might have ladies over at my tent.
And where you planning on pitching that tent? Your backyard.
Squatter's rights.
You don't have any rights if I don't let you squat in the first place.
Let a brother squat.
We need to get this thing under control.
Daddy's talking about flying out tonight.
Yeah, I know.
You know, I agree with Lolli.
We have got to stop acting like babies and start handling this like men.
I'm calling mama.
Look, don't drag her into this.
All right, she hasn't talked to dad since they been divorced.
You know this thing turns my urine into pure drinking water? Here, try some.
Boy, you better get that thing away from me before you get the beat-down of the century.
Hey, mama.
It's your favorite son.
[Chuckles.]
No, Stamps.
Look, mama, we got a big problem with dad.
He's talking about buying a boat and moving to Florida, and--and you gotta stop him, mama, he-- What you mean, "Good for him"? - Gimme the phone.
- She trippin'.
Yeah.
Hey, mama.
Yeah, how's Chicago? Yeah, I don't know why he's bothering you with this.
He's just scared.
It's-- Look, mama, daddy's just talking about leaving, and we don't-- You want my advice? Let your father do whatever he wants to do.
- Really? - Yeah.
Moving to Florida? [Chuckles.]
Sounds like the man I fell in love with.
[Chuckles.]
Are you trying to tell me dad was fun once? Twice.
That's how you boys got here.
Okay.
I don't think I needed to hear that.
[Laughing.]
Bye, baby.
All right, love you.
Bye-bye.
So, Stamps, look-- Stamps? [Thunder.]
Stamps! [Grunts.]
[Breathing heavily.]
How do you like my crib? Want to come in for a cocktail? [Banging.]
Deacon Matthews, I don't know why you're doing that.
The storm is not coming.
Well, the metal rod in my spine begged to differ.
This time tomorrow, I'll be hundreds of miles away from this horrible weather.
Oh, yeah? 'Cause it never storms in Florida.
Deacon, you look after my boy, will you? You know I have cataracts, but I'll do my best.
I'm actually falling apart.
I was kind of hoping the storm would take me.
Son, I brought you something.
Is this the family Bible? Four generations of Ballentines, all handwritten in that Bible.
We usually pass it on when one of us dies, but I-I figure I'm starting a new life, so this should belong to you.
Wow, thank you, dad.
And I just want to let you know that I'm not gonna fight you on this.
I'm gonna let you go.
Good.
'Cause I wasn't listening to you anyway.
And I hope you find what it is you're looking for.
Thank you, son.
Look, dad, to be honest with you, I'm a little scared.
I mean, when you leave, I'm gonna be running this thing by myself, with no safety net.
I don't know if I'm as good a pastor without you.
You're a real fine pastor, son.
You've found a good balance between being a preacher and a husband.
I couldn't make that work.
That's why my marriage broke up.
I let it slip through my fingers.
Promise me you'll keep doing that.
That's one of the nicest things you ever said to me.
Don't you polish your shoes before you give a sermon? Now, that's the Barton Ballentine I know.
Look, dad, you know, I was thinking it might be real nice for you to preach the sermon today.
I think the congregation deserves that.
I don't know, son.
I haven't been in that pulpit since you got here.
All right.
Okay.
If you don't think you got it in you, then-- But if you insist.
Get me a robe.
Here, you can take this one.
[Laughs.]
It took you long enough to ask me, by the way.
Well, I was waiting for you to give me that Bible.
Ah, there you go, pastor Ballentine.
How you like me? It's "How ya like me now", dad.
How come? That's the way Kool Moe Dee wrote it.
Sometimes it takes a thunderstorm to change you, to send you in a new direction.
Now, I'm for changing the past.
I didn't like it when we paid for parking lots, I didn't like cell phones and turkey burgers.
And why isn't Pluto a planet anymore? He put in his time.
I guess what I am saying is sometimes change is good.
I'm leaving to start a new life.
But I am bringing you all in my heart and in my prayers.
Can I get an "Amen"? Amen.
- Can I get a "Good bye"? - Good bye.
Good bye, my friends.
You know, brothers and sisters, to tell you the truth, I don't wanna see my father leave.
For as long as I've been coming to this church, this church was Martin Ballentine.
He's leaving some big shoes to fill.
But I promise, that I will polish them.
Stop the service.
Stamps, what's the matter with you? Oh, hush now.
Hi, everybody.
- I'm back.
- Mama? - Stella? - Grandma? What are you doing here? This really is the storm of the century.