The Wild Wild West (1965) s01e11 Episode Script

Senator Rawls.
Good of you to come, Jim.
You said it was urgent, sir.
Urgency and the Secret Service seem to go together.
Well, this urgency could spell a lot of trouble.
It could threaten the entire United States.
Well, how does your niece fit in, sir? I don't know- not quite.
This, uh, fiancé of hers, uh, Talbot, he's always been a wild, unstable person, in and out of all sorts of problems.
But Lola won't accept it that way.
She won't believe it.
Won't believe it? Won't believe that, uh, Talbot has finally thrown her over, jilted her.
I don't mean to be impolite, sir, but how does a broken love affair threaten the security of the United States? Well, Lola is going to tell you a bizarre tale- weird, if you will.
You know, I was hoping that, without being unkind to her, you could give her some perspective on the truth of Talbot throwing her over.
Except Except what, Senator? Except I believe that what she's going to tell you is the frightening truth.
Room 406, sir? Miss Bracer, I'm James West.
For the first time in my life, it's been a pleasure to hear a woman scream.
Won't you come in? I ask you, Mr.
West, is that the letter of a man trying to break his engagement? "The elite class "will rule the world for the strong only.
"No place for the weak.
"The government is decadent.
We shall form our own empire.
" I must say, your fiancé has some peculiar political sentiments.
From Mars, Nevada.
I can't find it on the map.
Well, this postmark is genuine.
He ought to be easy to locate.
How did Jack Talbot get involved with General Grimm? Then you believe me.
Well, those three men in the hall a few minutes ago were a strong argument in your favor.
Yes, I believe you.
Jack met this man who calls himself General Grimm about four months ago.
He wouldn't talk much about it, but when he did, he was excited, almost feverish.
Once, I recall, he said that this Grimm was recruiting men who had the same ideas, the same purpose, from all over the country.
And then he just disappeared.
And except for that letter, I haven't heard from him since.
I'll do what I can for you, Miss Bracer.
Please Please find him.
He's either gone mad or is in the hands of madmen.
I'm terrified for his safety.
If half the things in that letter are true, I'm more concerned for the safety of the United States.
Mars, Nevada, Jim.
Got your horse waiting outside for you.
That's Mars, Nevada? Friendly little place, isn't it? Sun, sand, cactus, gila monsters and rattlesnakes- ideal place for a honeymoon.
There's no such girl.
I know.
The map charts the place about eight miles from here.
There's a railroad siding about six.
Pull over some place; I'll get word to you.
Suppose you don't? Artemus, you're going to have to do something about that gloomy outlook of yours.
No, no, I'm just being selfish.
You know, after a certain point, the siding starts to lose its charm.
I might want to run up to San Francisco, Chicago.
Try reading a book.
Hey, Jim? Hmm? Listen, where you're going without wine, women or song, you might want a smoke.
Little tobacco I blended for you, special.
Thanks.
I will ask that question again: The names of the others to whom you wrote.
No one, only her.
Down.
Bring him up.
The others, Talbot.
She was she was the only one.
This time I will leave you under for 15 minutes.
Death to all enemies of the cause! The truth, Talbot! I only wrote one letter, General.
All right, I believe you.
That's all I wanted to hear.
However, Talbot, I'm going to use you as an example.
Because you violated the rule of secrecy, you will spend one week in the hot box.
Take him down.
Dismount.
State your business, mister.
I want to join up.
Depends on who you are.
Being only a sentry, you don't decide, then, do you? I didn't like that, mister.
We're all equal here, not like out there- where to some men, you're dirt.
Look, if they accept me, that means you and I are going to be on the same side.
Let's not start out on the wrong foot, friend.
All right.
The main building's straight ahead.
Thank you.
Ask for Sergeant Musk.
The main building and if you go to one side or the other, I'll put a bullet in the back of your head.
Knowing Jack Talbot isn't a point in your favor, mister.
He's weak and unreliable.
I don't want to start on the wrong foot with you, my dear.
You will address me as Sergeant Musk.
As long as I'm still a civilian, I'd like to think of you as a woman rather than as, um, a superior officer.
While I am on duty, you will not look upon me as a woman, Mr.
West.
I'll fight the impulse.
Jack Talbot's a friend of mine.
I would hardly call him unreliable.
Come with me.
Take a good look.
Who are they? Men like you, who said they wanted to belong.
They failed.
It's easier to get in than it is to get out, I see.
Then what is your reason for wanting to get in? I like strong causes.
There's no room in the world for weak ones.
The weak ones don't survive here, civilian.
And another thing- there is equality for women.
Like I said, the strong should rule.
You better believe that, civilian for the next thousand years.
We'll requisition your horse and I'll take your gun.
You can pick up a uniform and supplies from the quartermaster and report to B barracks.
Thank you for accepting me, Sergeant.
You're not accepted, you're just in.
So you're the new fish.
Quite a studious group.
Attention! At ease.
This is Private West.
He's a friend of Jack Talbot's.
That's right.
I've been looking for Jack.
Anybody know where he is? I forgot, secrecy.
Our greatest weapon.
Talbot forgot.
Talbot's a weakling.
There ain't no room here for weaklings and unreliable, yellow scum.
That's how it is, huh? This is a fighting outfit, Private.
Your friend Talbot was a lousy, no-good traitor.
Anybody else? Not bad.
Not bad at all.
All right, get this place straightened up! Mess call in ten minutes! Taps is 21:00! Anyone outside barracks after that is shot.
Private West.
Are you really a friend of Jack's? Yes, I am.
Keep your voice down.
You've got to help him.
He's out there in that hotbox.
He'll die if you don't get him out.
I'll do all I can.
Please.
Enter.
State your business, Sergeant.
Sir, I wish to report that I am most favorably impressed with the new man.
Good, good.
However, at the moment we have a much more pressing problem.
Talbot's letter was delivered to, uh, a Miss Lola Bracer, in room 406 of the Mission Hotel in San Francisco.
Miss Bracer has an uncle- Senator Rawls- Chairman of the Senate Military Affairs Committee.
Through Rawls, the girl was able to contact a member of the Secret Service.
Do we have any idea who that might be, General? Unfortunately we do not.
As yet.
As I told you, General I saw him once.
But his face, I'll never forget his face.
Good, good.
Keep it moving! Next.
I said "next"! Good, good.
Keep it moving.
Next! Pretty good for your first try.
You catch on quick.
Next.
The way you bounced me should make up for last night, huh? Harder- hit him harder! Forget it.
We're fighting for the same cause.
Some outfit over there.
In the new society, women will be equal.
Those are equal now- shoot and fight with the best of us.
They'll never know what hit them.
I hope it happens soon.
They'll wake up in the morning, not even know what happened.
Who said it was going to be at night? Well, why not? Night's the best time.
It offers surprise- attack or retreat.
That's the way I figure it.
The General does all the figuring here.
And if you're smart, you'll say, "Yes, sir" or "No, sir" when you meet him in the canteen tonight.
Hut two, three, four, hut two, three, four.
Detail halt! Dismissed.
Jenny.
If I'm going to rescue Talbot, you're going to have to help.
Anything.
I don't think he can live in there one more night.
There's a man that's liable to recognize me any moment.
I've got a friend not too far from here.
We've got to get a message to him.
All right, you two, break it up.
You're both on duty.
There isn't any way.
Freeze.
Hands off and hands up.
Slowly.
A little bit higher if you would, please.
Very good.
Now, if you'd be good enough to just turn around- slowly.
Sandy O'Brien, you musty old Cavalry captain, you! Why didn't you say something? Well, you never gave me a chance.
And I know what a nervous fellow you are with a gun in your hand.
Oh, these are nervous times, friend.
Not like they used to be, oh not at all.
That's why I rode out.
The post has orders to deliver a patrol to you any time you want.
Oh, not yet, I haven't heard from Jim.
We go riding into Grimm's place at the wrong time, it could be very bad for him.
I don't know what kind of a fix he's in.
So, what are you going to do? Try reading a good book.
Attention! The day is almost at hand.
Doomsday will come! Tonight, two more scouts will leave the post at midnight.
I call for volunteers.
I volunteer, sir.
Commendable, Private, but premature.
I volunteer, sir! And I, sir.
Very good.
The two of you will report to me immediately after this exercise is concluded for further instructions.
And now Private West.
Yes, sir? You are our newest recruit.
You have not had the intensive training and instruction I've given the others.
It would be military folly to allow you to accompany us if you're unqualified.
You'll be given the opportunity now to prove whether you are fit to join our ranks.
And the rest of you- however long this demonstration continues, I want you to examine your own skills.
Ask yourself if you're prepared.
Not only in the standard forms of military close combat but to expect the unexpected! Enough! Private West, you're accepted.
You did unexpectedly well, Private.
Thank you, sir.
My doctrine is quite simple.
Strategy and tactics are nonsense.
All that really matters is the superiority of soldier over soldier in close, personal combat, with the element of surprise.
An interesting doctrine, sir.
Perhaps after we've taken over, I'll have the leisure for a a passage at arms with you.
You'll find it quite instructive.
I think he's really quite mad.
Why the dress and the Cavalry uniform? Well, we're a Cavalry trooper and his wife, transferred.
We're to penetrate the fort at Gold Town, establish ourselves and wait for the signal.
What kind of signal? I don't know.
Well, what happens when you get the signal? We set off an explosion- blow up the munitions depot.
But nobody knows when, except the general.
How many have gone out before you? Oh, perhaps a hundred.
Do you know where they are now? No.
There's a railroad siding six miles outside of Mars.
I want you to go there.
I'll try.
There's a private railroad car- a friend of mine named Artemus Gordon.
Tell him everything you know.
What about the trooper? He'll take care of the trooper.
Jenny, come on.
We're leaving in an hour.
I'll get him out.
Private.
You should be in the canteen.
I didn't know.
You're supposed to be enjoying yourself.
Is that an order? Yes.
Yes, it is.
That's not very military! You said enjoy yourself.
This is not according to the Blue Manual.
What do I get, 50 lashes? Oh about your punishment- uh, we'll discuss that later.
Be my pleasure, Sergeant.
Who are you? A friend of your fiancée's.
I shouldn't have written.
But I wanted to tell her how great how great it would be when we took over.
What's Grimm's plan? How does he plan to take over? You have no right asking that question.
He leads, we follow.
His word is final.
You ought to know, you're one of us.
Or are you? Maybe he was right.
My letter did fall into the wrong hands- the government! If you don't keep your voice down, we'll never get out of here.
He was right.
She showed it to you and you're not one of us.
You're here to spy on us! Spy! Help! Traitor! Spy! Traitor! Spy! Traitor! Private, what is the meaning of this? I heard groaning, sir.
He was crying, "Spy, traitor.
" Thought he needed help.
Uh, he must be delirious, out of his head.
Was.
He's dead, sir.
Pick a burial detail.
And henceforth, Private, leave things as you find them.
Yes, sir.
Well, this has spoiled the evening's entertainment.
You will leave immediately.
General.
That's the man, General.
He's a Secret Service agent.
Well, that explains a good deal.
There's no question.
I said I never would forget his face.
That is him.
Let's give Private West his head a bit.
We'll find out what he's about, who his friends are, what information they may have.
It might be very helpful.
Presently he will die.
Oh, Mr.
Gordon? Yes.
Oh, how do you do? How do you do? Uh I'm afraid you have the advantage of me, Miss, uh Oh, this is George.
Uh, I'm Jenny.
We're very informal here in the West.
Oh, yes, of course.
Won't you come in? Uh, thank you.
Uh, Artemus Gordon is our general's head of intelligence.
I have a message for you, Mr.
Gordon.
Oh, really? From the, uh, general? But straight from the general.
Why, George! You shut it.
General Grimm has no head of intelligence.
He does it all himself.
We should have figured about you.
You and that dirt, Talbot.
You don't fall in love with a man like Talbot.
Not in General Grimm's army.
All right, spill out who you are, mister.
Well, of course, that's, uh, easy enough to explain.
Start explaining, mister.
Oh, I'd be glad to.
Now, if you'd just turn your head a little to the right and lower your eyes somewhat.
Tell me what you see.
Them pistols.
Well, "them pistols" are loaded with real, live bullets.
So what? So, they're pointed right at you, and I suggest you put your gun up, trooper.
That's big talk.
They're over here and you're over there.
All I do is pull this trigger once and you never get to those pistols.
Oh, brilliant deduction, trooper, except that I don't have to get from here to there.
Watch.
Now, in the same way that I was able to point those guns at you, I can fire them.
And if, for any reason, my foot leaves this button- such as your shooting me, for instance- you'll be blasted right out that window.
Now, you going to be a hero and take all six bullets from each pistol? Or do you want to hand me that gun butt-end first? That's clear thinking, trooper.
Come over here, Jenny.
Now, you point that gun right at him, and if he so much as blinks wrong shoot him.
Now, what about Jim West? He's waiting for doomsday.
It's serious.
There's a man at the fort who can identify him.
It's only a matter of time.
If the general finds out, he'll toy with him for a while and then kill him.
Well, I've got other ideas about that, Jenny.
Now, you keep the trooper here company.
I'll send word for your relief.
Right now I have to keep another appointment for somebody else's doomsday.
So long, trooper.
Ha-ha-ha, you and me Little brown jug, how I love thee! Ha-ha-ha, you and me Little brown jug, how I love thee! When the right flank was turned, all he had to do was drive through their center, and split them in two.
He still took quite a risk, sir.
Risk, you say? Ridiculous.
When your individual soldier is superior to the enemy's individual soldier, the outcome is a foregone conclusion.
There's still something to be said for conventional tactics and strategy.
Individual close combat, aided by subterfuge, that is the He rode up to the front gate and demanded to see you, General.
Colonel Cross at your service, sir.
And just who is Colonel Cross? A soldier for the truth- at the moment without a leader.
You mean you're from an organization like this? Correct, Private.
We were the Patriots.
General G.
M.
Wilson commanding.
Operating out of the Black Hills.
And what brings you here, Colonel Cross? We were attacked by Indians.
Only two of us managed to escape.
I left the other man in Kansas.
This afternoon I met a cavalryman and his wife.
They saw my uniform and questioned me.
Suggested finally that I might be of some service to you here.
So you want to join us.
I have never heard of Colonel Cross.
Secrecy is our greatest advantage.
Isn't it, General? What is the creed of the Patriots, Colonel? Keep this great nation pure.
See to it that power always belongs to the right kind of people.
Obey with courage and without question.
We were just speaking about bold thinking and bravery, weren't we, Private? Yes, sir.
Let us see, Colonel, just how much you believe in what you say.
Give this man your revolver.
Against that wall you will find an ax.
You will hold that ax at five paces, in front of your face, the blade outward and vertical.
You, Private will fire one shot.
If it hits the blade properly, the bullet will be split and will pass on either side of the colonel's head.
You will wait for my command.
Fire! Let us drink to Colonel Cross! Victory! Thank you very much, thank you.
I have to see you.
Nothing to it, Private.
Glad you're a fair shot.
Colonel, that was the bravest, coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Well, thank you very much, uh Sergeant.
Uh very kind of you.
And I think such bravery should be rewarded.
Well, I would Oh, I've never kissed a colonel before.
That's all right, I've never kissed a soldier before.
Oh, well, you're not going to let rank stand in your way? Well, I'm afraid I must.
Ten-hut! Beer, Colonel? Well, thank you, Private.
You've got a pretty fair steady hand there.
"Patriots.
" Where'd you dream that one up? Well, what could I call them? The Traitors? We know the general is infiltrating army posts.
Forged papers for a replacement and his wife.
We got to find out which ones and when they plan to attack.
He's planning to overthrow the entire United States Army in the Southwest.
Wait a minute, then follow me.
These are the forged papers, all right.
Here's one for the arsenal at Coulterville.
Another one another one for the remount depot at Harley.
Don't, Colonel Cross! That's enough, Mr.
West.
I've known for some time who you are.
And this, of course, is one of your colleagues.
This is my associate, Mr.
Artemus Gordon.
Delighted to meet you.
Go! Sound the alarm! This man is a spy.
Send a patrol after Cross.
Yes, sir.
You had me really believing you that you were one of us.
But you lied and that hurts worse than the truth.
Private West you will be executed at dawn by a firing squad.
Squad halt! About face! Read the charges.
"Private James West, "you have been accused "of the crime of espionage.
The finding of the court is guilty.
" Proceed! Kneeling positions! Ready Sergeant? Am I allowed a last request? Perhaps.
If it's reasonable and quick.
A smoke, perhaps? Very well.
My hands, please.
Easy.
At least your hands are steady.
Match? Close the gates! Search all the buildings! Cover everything! Come on, get the gates! There he goes! Come on, get him! Alert the guard at the gate! After the slight postponement, the execution will continue.
General Grimm.
Be brief.
Does your unit know that they've lost secrecy? That my colleague is riding into army posts right now to warn them? Silence! No, let him continue.
I didn't tell them, Private, because your friend does not know our plans.
He doesn't know what posts to warn.
How about Gold Town? The arsenal? The remount station? Among others.
But he doesn't know when we strike.
Dawn.
The day after tomorrow.
Granted, you have uncovered a great deal of information.
But neither you nor the army know which of their men are mine.
They don't have to know.
The cavalry will just ride in here.
They won't wait for you, General.
Exactly.
Leaving their post in the hands of but a few men, which will make it that much easier for us.
Nothing will stop us now.
In the next three days, all the power in this part of the country will be passed into the hands of the right people- right-thinking people.
Meaning you.
Yes.
And we will begin the establishment of a firm, orderly, disciplined government.
You once said that when your individual soldier was superior to the enemy's, the outcome was a foregone conclusion.
General, I challenge you.
Under the circumstances, out of the question.
Well, I can understand you being careful, cautious afraid.
Private, if you prefer a more painful form of execution, stand easy.
We will begin as we are.
Whenever you're ready, Private West.
Musk, a weapon! Musk, a weapon! Musk! Now! Now! The unexpected, Mr.
West, to add a little spice to the struggle.
Stiff? Yeah.
And sore.
Why not- you covered Yeah, it didn't seem to bother the horse as much as it did me.
Well, at least you got the cavalry there before Grimm's people managed to scatter.
You know, he might have succeeded.
Nah.
Not in the long run.
He couldn't.
He had the opportunity to strike, get himself established.
Would have taken a lot of lives to get him rooted out.
Maybe so.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Well, ladies.
Won't you sit down, please? Thank you very much, but if it's all the same to you, I'll stand.
We'll be in Carson City soon.
This was to be our big day.
Everything we'd worked so hard for.
It was a pretty dream.
Pretty? You find that hard to believe.
You're a man.
At the academy I was somebody.
I was equal.
Now This is just an odd uniform.
It'll draw stares as I get off the train, and I'm just a woman.
Equality or not, don't belittle it.
No, indeed.
Fortunately, General Grimm made very complete preparations for me to become a cavalryman's wife.
Oh! Have you got any rouge? Yes.
How much time before we get into Carson City? Oh, about half an hour, maybe.
Half an hour? Oh, I'll never be ready.
On your way, gentlemen.
This is women's work.
What else have you got? So much for equality.
Feminine equality.
It's ridiculous.
That man Grimm must have been insane.