Tiger & Dragon (2005) s01e11 Episode Script

1
Thank you all very much
for coming here today.
It has already been 30 years.
When I first performed on stage,
there were only
three people in the audience.
Two of them dozed off
not long after I started talking.
I was devastated.
The other person raised his hand and said,
"Toilet!"
As I waited for him,
one of the sleepers woke up.
"Why did you stop talking?!
It woke me up!"
Young people today are very fortunate.
We have a big story ahead,
so I'll end the introduction here.
In a Shinagawa red-light district,
there was a geisha house called Shirokiya.
The top geisha there was named Osome.
"Top" means she was
the top money earner in the geisha house.
You just said something.
Sorry, I didn't even realize.
The season's changing.
Remember the kids
who wore the wrong season uniform?
Kids like that really stood out.
When the season changes,
a geisha holds a monbi.
She has to call in friends and
entertainers, so it costs a lot of money.
-She shows off her new clothes.
-Boss.
-She gives people gifts--
-Boss!
You should see a doctor.
I think I should do rakugo.
I'm going back!
Risa-chan, do you have some paper?
Risa-chan?
I have to write a letter to Dad.
We have postcards.
You're right!
When a geisha needs a large sum of money,
she sends letters to her patrons,
asking for so-called "donations."
If she is young and popular,
there's no problem.
But Osome is past her prime.
None of her patrons replied,
and she hasn't collected a penny.
"How embarrassing! I'd rather die
than live and bear the embarrassment.
But dying alone is also humiliating.
Let's find someone to die with me!
It'll be a double suicide, then.
I'll make a name for myself,
and it'll look good."
"On an auspicious day in June,
I pray that you accept me as your pupil."
-Seriously, Ryuji?
-Yes.
"Strike the iron while it is hot."
Or, "If you're going to do it, do it now!"
Right?
Don't give me that look, Risa-chan!
I'll come on weekends.
Stop calling me Risa-chan.
It creeps me out.
Right, I have to call you "boss."
I'll just make a sale flyer.
-The list of customers…
-Here.
Thank you!
"Not this man.
This one's good, but he's a filial son.
I like him too,
but he has a wife and children.
I've found one!
Kinzo of the bookshop in Nakahashi.
I have no feelings for him,
but he's crazy about me.
I decided!"
Bye, Ryu-san.
Adios.
Chibi-T.
I'm sorry I was nasty to you all the time.
Here's my parting gift.
-Thank you.
-Stop crying, Chibi-T.
He'll be back soon anyway.
I won't be coming back.
You can have the top space.
-Ryuji!
-Ryuji!
And so,
Osome picked a suicide partner.
Thus began what people would later call
"Shinagawa Shinju."
I've always wanted to do this.
Tiger and Dragon!
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
They want us
to sell the group to Wolf Corp.
Because of Yasuo?
No, they've wanted this for a while.
Cut the crap!
Hyuga, how many months
have you not been paid?
None of your business!
Come with us then.
None of the people here
will sell themselves!
Don't look down on us!
We're dedicated to
Ryuseikai through fat and thin!
You're still hanging on to crap
like loyalty and chivalry!
How old-fashioned. Look!
You've got only four people left,
including Yamazaki.
Also, it's "thick and thin."
Thick! Not fat!
That damn Rikio attacked our weak spot.
And Hyuga, you're not being paid?
-Forget it.
-How can I? I'm being paid.
You've got to pay your lesson fee.
-But Hyuga just got married.
-Don't you get it yet?
The boss cares about you.
We'll disband.
Sorry, Ginjiro.
Pops.
Ryuseikai ends with me.
Don't say such a thing.
I can work part-time
and make my own living…
Hyuga! I'm so sorry.
What?
Excuse me!
He's here!
I've been waiting!
Ryuji. I mean, Kotatsu!
Did you… read my letter?
Of course! Look!
Master!
From today,
I will devote myself to rakugo.
So please accept me as your pupil.
Don't be so formal like a stranger.
You'll make Sayuri-chan cry.
Kotatsu!
Look up!
From today, you're part of the family.
Brother.
I'm counting on you, Kotatsu!
Brother!
Hey, Saya.
WELCOME BACK, KOTATSU
Thank you! Thank you, everyone!
Hurray!
Let's do it!
-Excuse--
-Excuse me!
Tamotsu! I missed you!
Meguppi!
-You've come a long way!
-Welcome.
Welcome to the house!
Take his luggage.
Thank you very much.
I heard you've been very nice to my wife.
Wait, it's ex-wife.
You're funny, Tamotsu!
Excuse me, let me come inside.
Hey!
In Ueno, they'll hold this event
called the Aomori Product Exhibition.
The apples I grew will be presented there,
so I thought I might as well tour Tokyo.
How long will you stay?
I'm not sure.
I'm free this season.
There's nothing to do on the apple farm.
A babe with an accent, how unusual.
Let me introduce you
to everyone in the family.
This loud one is my son, Donta.
Don!
Donta's wife Tsuruko,
my granddaughter Saya
and grandson Taro.
And these are my pupils,
Donkichi, Dontsuku, Donburi.
And your name?
Udon, sir.
Udon! That's so funny!
My name made someone laugh!
It's good your name's Udon!
Tamotsu has enlivened this house.
This is my wife, Sayuri.
And who is that over there?
Who? I went to your house in Aomori!
-What are you doing here?
-What?
I sent a letter a few days ago.
You never read it.
A letter?
Oh, it did say something.
What was on it?
Please…
Accept me as your pupil.
-Oh, sure.
-That's it?
I'm so sorry, this is all we have.
It was at the entrance.
I'm the one who bought it!
-Cut out the noise!
-But!
I had so much internal conflict…
Do they air my show in Aomori?
What's more important, my comeback or him?
-The guest, of course!
-Stop shouting!
Clean the entrance. You're a trainee now!
Hurry up! And stop that weeping!
Damn.
Ryu-chan!
Sorry about that.
It's nothing,
My timing was bad, that's all.
Tamotsu will be going back soon.
Why don't you start over then?
Back where?
To his hotel.
You, too?
I'm going with him,
so I'll stay the night.
"You're going with him"?
What do you mean by that?
It's a twin room, so I'll stay overnight!
-But you and I haven't even--
-Jealous?
I am. I'm very jealous.
I just cleaned there! Oh, no…
Bang!
Good day.
Is Yamazaki here?
-No, he's not back yet.
-Meguppi, let's go.
Then we'll wait inside.
Hello.
-See you, Ryu-chan.
-Bye, Ryuji.
-Megumi!
-Excuse us!
Thanks for the secondhand smoke.
I'm done with the family.
Now let me introduce the pupils.
This is Donkichi.
This is Dontsuku.
This is Donburi.
And who were you?
Murata Susumu.
That's his real name. Idiot.
Excuse me but how do you know Yamazaki,
sir?
Why is that your business?
It is not! I'm not interested!
Kotatsu! You've met him, right?
I'm just a trainee.
This is difficult…
-I'm back!
-Yamazaki!
You have guests!
Good day.
Thank you for your involvement
in the Tanabe Yasuo affair.
You cost me two precious members.
That was your internal squabble!
We had difficulties. Don't be so mean.
Besides, we're in a living room.
This isn't the place to talk.
Shall we go upstairs?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Let me be direct.
Come work for us.
On the outside, it's a merger,
but it'll be like opening
the Shinjuku branch of the Wolf Corp.
Ryuseikai must give up
its name and its title.
As for the boss, his son, and Hyuga…
Maybe I'll make them clerks.
That will be sad.
The boss never told me this.
Of course not.
All I really want is you, Yamazaki,
but even I can't come out and say it.
So you're saying
that if I go over to you,
the merger won't happen?
That's right.
And Ryuseikai's name and title.
-Those will remain?
-That's right.
So either I go work for you
or Ryuseikai goes under?
-That's right.
-No, you can't do that!
Don't go in!
You can't! I'm sorry
for interrupting your conversation,
but I need Kotora to quit being
a yakuza as soon as possible
and become a proper rakugo performer.
What's he on about?
The thing is, I'm thinking
about passing on my stage name
to this man here.
Dad!
I'm sorry, Ryuji.
Even though you came back…
But this is how it's going to be.
I like this guy.
-I don't want to lose him.
-Master.
By the way, I owe him 2,3 million yen.
So until I pay it all back,
he is my pupil.
-But he's also my credit--
-Shut up!
I'll give you the measly money.
-Yamazaki! Come.
-It's not your business.
This is the way
you repay your boss's kindness.
But it's not your business.
Get out of my way!
Excuse me. Have a nice day.
How does he expect me
to "Have a nice day"?
"Have a nice day"?
"Kinzo, you came. Thank goodness.
I need to discuss something with you."
"Oh, I've got this!"
"What are you talking about?
I haven't said anything yet."
-"Shinagawa Shinju."
-I heard Kotatsu came back.
Get ready for competition, Kotora!
Cut it out!
This is just how we Edo natives
express friendship!
Left alone, Kinzo lay under the blanket,
sticking his neck out
and then back inside like this.
After a while, Kinzo crawled out
to see Osome writing
a letter under the lamp.
Getting up while you're snoring.
How boorish of you.
As are you.
You're writing to another lover
right under my nose.
If I had a lover,
life would be much easier.
You fell asleep, so I was writing to you.
But I'm right in front of you.
Why did you write…
"My dear, as you already know,
nothing can be done
at the monbi without money.
I have tried to ask others,
but this nightingale is caged,
unable to do as she wishes,
unable to cry and hoot and be heard.
I cannot live like this anymore.
So I will be committing suicide tonight."
Damn, I can't understand
any of this stuff!
Suicide?
Why didn't you tell me? It's serious!
I wanted to, but you were
so heartless you fell asleep.
I didn't think I could rely on you.
If this is about money, I'll help.
How much do you need?
2,3 million yen?
Right. With that money,
Kotora can quit yakuza life.
And you'll pay that money?
That's pretty much all I can do.
-It was your debt, after all.
-Cut it out!
Accept it! This is how
we Edo natives express friendship!
As I watched Dad's gig
backstage today, I thought
about how I can do rakugo with a debt.
As for Toraji,
it's not fair
because he's not responsible for the debt.
So until I come up with 2,3 million,
-I can't go on stage.
-Who do you want to do rakugo for, Ryuji?
For Tora-chan? For your father?
Why are you asking these sharp questions?
No reason. I'm just a little drunk.
-I'm gonna get some fresh air.
-Me too!
Megumi-chan!
Damn! Everyone…
Just because I'm from not from Edo!
What is it?
If you want to say something, just say it!
You're the one who should talk.
What? I don't get it.
Aren't you going to ask about Tamotsu?
He asked me to go back with him to Aomori.
Really?
I'll die. I'll gladly die for you.
A fool like me will believe you, you know.
Will you, really?
Sure. Let's go.
Hey, we're not going out for noodles.
This is a double suicide!
When we die, the two of us
should both wear pure white kimonos,
so everybody would know
we were determined to die
and leave our names in history.
Then, let's do it tonight.
But the Aomori Product Exhibition
is tomorrow.
What? You're going to die!
I mean…
Wait, I have to meet my brother.
Let's do it tomorrow.
Promise me, Kinzo.
Osome.
So?
What do you mean?
That's it.
Sorry.
Words escape me.
I didn't want you to say
anything in particular.
Wait, Megumi-chan!
You weren't such a complicated character!
I'm not a character!
I'm not an anime or a game.
I'm a human thing!
Human thing?
Don't treat me like a fool!
What a headache.
Good morning, Brother!
Good morning!
Are you kidding? It's already past noon!
Then, excuse me.
Wait, Kinzo. Wait.
I wanted to give you a piece of advice.
I know you go to Shinagawa
often these days. Stop it.
You'll just end up
with a chick who wants double suicide.
What's so funny?
Well… Where is Hyuga?
I gave him some time off.
He's just married, after all.
What's up today?
This is master's… I mean,
Yanaka's payment from last month.
What was it?
"Sokotsu Nagaya."
I heard you performed it.
Yes, sir.
That's wonderful.
That one's quite difficult.
You were no fun when you were with me,
but now, on stage,
you make the audience roar with laughter.
Is rakugo interesting?
Yes, it is.
-Isn't it?
-Yes.
So how much is left?
2,3 million.
200,000 per story.
Two times eleven… You'll be 100,000 short.
For the last 100,000,
I'll teach you a short story.
Boss.
Do your best.
I'm sorry.
I can't be disloyal to the boss.
So can we pretend
that the offer never happened?
No.
I told you everything.
-So…
-Fine.
I'll just
go destroy Ryuseikai.
Sorry, can we pretend
that you didn't hear what I said,
Mr. Rakugo Performer?
Bye.
Oh. Ryu-san ended up being right.
A trainee doesn't get paid.
So I work part-time.
And your boss has relationship issues?
No! I won't break up with you! Never!
This is for your own good!
This is a life-or-death
sippation I'll be entering.
It's "situation."
What kind of a yakuza
can't even say "situation?"
Sorry! Please come back again!
No way. I'll never break up with you.
Razors are dangerous!
And razor wounds don't heal well.
So you never intended to die.
You tricked me!
You fool! I came to die.
I'm wearing white.
But not pants!
-I was short on money…
-Come!
Go, Kinzo. March forward.
The bridge is long.
The bridge is long, but life is short!
What are you blabbering?
-It's dark.
-Jump in! Now!
Have to mix the water well!
You're not going into a hot bath!
Ready, go!
I can't.
Osome!
I'll follow right behind you. Sorry!
I'll be right behind you!
No, don't! Don't do anything stupid!
Please pretend you didn't see!
The shop owner from Ishimachi
brought 50 gold coins!
Now you have money. So…
Don't die.
Really?
Why would I lie? I'm not a liar.
-How?
-How? This kid will explain.
I'll shell the pistachios, so go ahead.
The master asked the association
for donations.
Master Koshin was reluctant,
but yesterday he gave 200,000.
That's right. Smile, pop!
Pop!
Why?
Why do so much for me?
Everyone wants you to quit being a yakuza.
Take it.
Pay it back when you become a success.
No, I can't.
-Why not?
-It's not the money.
I want to be better at rakugo,
make people laugh,
and then quit being a yakuza.
Even if I quit now…
Sorry. I appreciate the sentiment,
but I'm not used to kindness.
Master, what should we do?
"What should we do?" Use your head!
Can't you tell?
I'm busy shelling pistachios.
Kinzo, I was going to die, too.
But now that I have money,
dying is pointless.
Let us meet in the next world.
So for tonight, please excuse me.
"For what exactly?"
Kinzo was pushed off the bridge.
Water, salt, and fear rushed inside him…
Odd number!
Lawmen!
It's too dark! I can't see!
Give me that thing!
-What thing?
-The tinder box!
Maybe it's the custodian!
Brother.
-Good evening.
-Kinzo?
What the heck happened to you?
Double suicide in Shinagawa.
I told you so!
Don't worry. It's Kinzo.
He failed at a double suicide. Wait.
What're you doing?
Get me a ladder.
Damn, you stepped on my head!
Who is in the pantry?
I was too hungry to run away.
Please! Help me!
A dude is crying in the miso bin.
I hit my crotch when I fell inside,
and my ball fell out.
Let us see!
It's precious, so hold on to it firmly.
Huh?
It's an eggplant!
Well, I've got my own balls right here!
Don, don, Don Matsugoro!
Matsugoro.
How pathetic, every single one of you!
Look at Mr. Denbei.
A former samurai is different!
In the middle of this ruckus,
he hasn't moved an inch!
I don't deserve the praise.
I had simply been…
"Too shocked to move."
It's over?
What's with you guys?
Your minds are elsewhere.
Sorry, my mind wandered off.
I'm not getting the punchline again.
You don't have to.
The story isn't over yet.
-What?
-There's a second part to this story.
The second part, called "Revenge,"
is about Kinzo getting back at Osome,
but no one does it now.
Why not?
It's too dark.
No one wants to hear a
story that they cannot laugh at.
In our line of work, Kotora and Kotatsu,
we must bring joy to the audience.
You don't need to tell me. I know.
No, you don't. That's why I'm telling you.
There is no happiness on your faces.
-Clothes?
-Happiness.
Smile.
What the heck is that?
Is the sun too bright?
-Need shades?
-There's nothing to smile about!
My gang is about
to be disbanded or killed!
I'm not doing well at rakugo,
and I can't even reach Megumi-chan.
-Really?
-Maybe there's no hope for me.
You're fine.
Laugh, even if things don't work out!
Even when you're cornered,
a real pro still puts on a laughing face.
Master. What you said last time
about giving me your name.
-Is that a burden?
-It's not that.
I don't need it. I don't really want it.
Neither do I.
What are you saying?
The name Donbei represents Hayashiyate.
The fifth Donbei, won the Cultural Medal!
I love the name our master gave me,
the name Kotora.
I don't care about the previous Donbei.
I prefer Kotora over the name of a dude…
I haven't even met.
You're undefeatable.
Sayuri-chan is crying.
Excuse me!
Mr. Tamotsu. What's wrong?
I was wondering if Megumi came here today.
-No, not today.
-Is something wrong?
She said she was going out
for a drive with some friends,
but she hasn't come back yet
and I got worried.
Yay!
Friends?
From work?
No.
Apparently, a guy named Web Saito.
Who is this Saito?
A "website," you mean?
Tamotsu, what does it mean?
Rentan?
Maybe it means rental car?
That's probably how they say it over here.
Oh, they're going by rental car.
It said rentan?
I thought it meant rental car.
It's not! Rentan means briquette!
-She's in danger!
-What?
Briquette suicide!
A group suicide website!
Why aren't we getting out? Let's get out!
A barbecue?
How exciting!
Where are they going?
They're to meet
in the evening at Shinagawa.
Then from there, they're going to Hakone.
-"Shinagawa Shinju"?
-No, it's Hakone.
Keys! Lend me your car. Hurry!
Where are you going?
Ryuiji?
I'm coming, too!
Hello!
-That side!
-Here?
Brother!
Tora, be careful.
My glasses are on the floor.
What happened?
While I was putting
new toilet paper rolls…
Don't screw with me!
They aren't human.
They're out of their minds.
Where is Hyuga?
Don't call him. He just got married.
-Call him! Now!
-I can't!
Why not?
He was attacked last week.
They broke his leg,
right shoulder, and three ribs.
Why didn't you tell me?
It was for your sake, Tora!
Hyuga asked me to keep quiet.
What are we going to do?
Just stay put?
Don't go! You can't go, Tora!
Do you want to quit yakuza life that much?
Shut up, idiot!
If you go now, you can't turn back!
-Say something!
-Don't, Tora!
You're our hope…
Shut up!
Tora.
Tatsuo, the music's going on for too long.
Come on out, Kotora!
Kotora!
They've reached the limit.
Maybe I better go.
Where is Kotora?
-He's not here yet.
-Seriously? What is he up to?
-And you?
-Going on stage of course!
It's Kotora they're waiting for.
But he's not here!
Cut it out!
You're just a trainee!
Think you can replace Kotora, you punk?
Please, master!
I want it! I want to tell
a funny story in a funny way!
Now, I can do my "Shinagawa Shinju."
It's now or never.
Ryuji.
I want to do it for myself.
Not for Kotora, nor for you.
I want to do it for myself. So, I beg you!
Show me your face, Kotatsu.
Smile.
Go.
Yes, sir.
We've been waiting for you!
Who is that?
It's Kotatsu!
This is Hayashiyate Kotatsu.
It's embarrassing, but I came back.
Dragon, dragon, Chan Dragon!
All right!
I'm warming up!
Ryuseikai punks!
Go ahead.
You punk!
What the hell?
This must be my lucky day.
Shut up!
Don't mess with us.
Take it.
Freeze!
Osome, a geisha in Shinagawa…
"Shinagawa Shinju"!
Was a real beauty
when she kept her mouth shut,
and she did have a heavy Aomori accent.
Aomori?
Osome wrote letters to her male friends
and went out to meet them in Shinagawa.
They were going on what we call
a "day trip" today, but these men
had an ulterior motive.
Shall we?
Wait!
I want fried noodles!
Well, this isn't a barbecue.
-Can anyone get me some?
-Sure!
Yes, it was briquette suicide.
There are always people
who don't appreciate life.
They're too cowardly to die alone,
so they look for suicide partners.
But Osome had no idea.
The window!
Let me open it, okay?
Sorry. I'll endure it.
At that time,
her lover, Ryu the shopkeeper,
and her old friend Tamotsu, were looking
for her with the help of lawmen.
Where are you?
Megumi-chan!
Hey! Megumi-chan!
God, Meguppi!
Megumi!
No wonder she's quiet. She's fast asleep.
Her legs are so long.
It feels great to die
with such a beauty.
I wish I could have dated
someone like her before I died.
It might not be too late.
-Huh?
-Just kidding.
-She shouldn't die.
-Don't die.
I don't want to die!
I don't want to die!
Help!
Help!
Megumi-chan!
Please wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
This is kind of like
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Maybe she needs a kiss.
What are you doing?
-My Megumi-chan!
-Don't interfere!
It was impossible to believe
that they'd just tried to die.
At last, Osome woke up.
"What are you people doing?"
Where am I?
Don't let the princess escape!
What? Get away!
Megumi-chan, it's me!
Go away!
Megumi-chan! Wait!
Wait up, Megumi-chan!
Where is she?
Help!
Meguppi!
Tamotsu!
Tamotsu!
Wait!
No!
It was so scary.
It's okay.
Look at you. Four grown men, all pathetic.
"And look at him.
A farmer is different!
He's carrying Osome!"
I don't deserve the praise.
I've become simply…
"Too shocked to move."
Yo, Kotatsu!
You've improved, Kotatsu!
Ryu-chan, you're great!
You're the best in Japan!
Thanks.
Here's your fried noodles!
I wonder what happened to Kotora.
Kotora, Kotora…
You got nothing to say about my rakugo?
It's not really "Shinagawa Shinju."
They just met in Shinagawa.
Give me a break. It's been three years!
You did well. You've got the basics.
Work hard. Hey.
-What?
-Lesson fee.
How rude!
This is chicken feed.
Give it back!
You always give it back to Kotora!
I'm the one giving it back to Kotora!
Forget it. Anyway, I'm your pupil, right?
Wolf Corp.
Isn't that the yakuza in the last story?
The man is carrying a gun-like weapon…
The report just came in.
This man is Yamazaki
of Shinjuku Ryuseikai.
No way!
He seems to be holding
Kaji Rikio and a few others as hostages.
I may seem obsessive,
but I'll say it one more time.
If you mess with Ryuseikai,
you won't get to live next time.
My young master
is quite hot-tempered!
Good.
I'm turning myself in.
Brother.
No, not brother.
Call me Tora.
Tora.
I…
Slip out safely, Second Boss.
Hurry!
It's Yamazaki!
The suspect came out!
Surrender.
MAN HOLDS-UP WOLF CORP
-Dad?
-What?
Kotora.
He's smiling.