Top Cat (1961) s01e11 Episode Script

Like, steady, now.
T.
C.
, I think he's heading for the wrong window.
With love from.
-What was that? -A mosquito.
A big one.
-What happened? -Forget it.
Let's try again.
This time, swing him harder.
We need more power.
So push harder.
Lots harder.
Let's push.
And now, gentlemen, if the class will come to order we shall proceed with the adult education course.
Today's subject is English.
Now, pay close attention.
I shall demonstrate absolutely correct English.
This here is real English: The atomic spin.
-That, gentlemen, is English.
-You said it, T.
C.
Man, like the King's English.
As you see.
Wait a minute.
Someone isn't here.
Will the person who is absent kindly raise his hand? It's Choo Choo, T.
C.
Absence from class is something up with which I do not intend to put.
-It's not really his fault.
-What do you mean not his fault? He's been a little forgetful ever since he saw that girl.
-Girl? What girl? -Her name is Goldie.
She's the chick who just rented the pad next door.
Choo Choo flipped when he saw her.
Boy, he really has gone ape over her.
Half the time he doesn't even know where he is.
It's love, all right.
No, you are jesting.
One of my boys dumbstruck by love? It's impossible.
Here he comes now.
Hello, T.
C.
Hello, fellas.
Good morning, world.
I expect everyone on time, and that goes for you.
-Are you talking to me? -That's right.
-Just who do you think you are? -I think I am in love.
-In love? -It was like a trip to the stars.
To Venus and Mars.
Trip to the stars? He must have fallen on his head.
My devotion is not just a sudden emotion.
No, it's more like a sudden attack of brain fever.
As long as roses bloom in May, my love will grow deeper with every passing day.
It's a girl, all right.
Has Choo Choo been going out with this doll? He's never even spoken to her.
He just worships her from afar.
Maybe we can snap him out of it.
He always used to like to shoot pool.
Chooch, look, you're here in the pool hall with all your pals.
You're gonna be all right, kid.
We'll play a little snooker.
Go ahead, Chooch, it's your turn.
That's right.
Hit it, go ahead.
Hit it hard.
Sock it! What happened? Did Goldie kiss me? -You all right, Choo Choo, baby? -Where am I? You're home in the pool hall.
I think that rap on the head was what you needed.
What's so special about this Goldie chick anyhow? I was at the corner having a Dixie Cup of ice cream when she first walked by.
The minute I saw her, I got goosebumps icy chills ran down my spine.
I knew it was love.
Sounds more like your Dixie Cup was leaking.
No, it was love.
Amour toujours I'amour.
I'm sure.
Like, he's really gone, man.
I think it's beautiful.
Maybe they'll get married.
-Married? You call that beautiful? -Sure.
Ain't it? Think, boy.
Test-drivers that crash cars, all married, right? When they need a guy to shoot up on a rocket any single guys volunteer? All married stiffs, glad to get away even if it's straight up.
Does that sound like they think it's beautiful? How're you gonna talk Choo Choo out of it? Easy.
We get him a few dates with this chick.
He gets fed up.
He'll be right back with us.
-Are you sure? -Certainly am sure.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
The faster we bring those two kooks together the sooner we break them up.
Like this.
You're right, T.
C.
You're absolutely right.
I tell you Chooch, this will positively make that doll flip over you.
But it's only a box of candy, T.
C.
Right.
But look how it's being delivered by little old Dan Cupid himself.
Here just swing up to Goldie's window and say: -"With love from Choo Choo.
" -Yeah, but-- -Hold that bow and arrow straighter.
-Okay.
Hey, T.
C.
, did you see where my arrow went? No, I didn't see it, but I know where it went.
Come on, get going.
Like, steady now.
T.
C.
, I think he's heading for the wrong window.
With love from.
-What was that? -A mosquito.
A big one.
What happened? I don't know, but somebody up there doesn't like me.
Forget it.
Let's try again.
This time, swing him harder.
We need more power.
So push harder.
Lots harder.
Let's push.
-Brain! -Are you all right? With love from Choo Choo.
Well, it's no worse than if they came by mail.
Turn in your wings, Brain.
We'll try something else.
But, T.
C.
, she already has a boyfriend a French character from Paris.
A mere detail, Chooch.
Go ahead, knock on the door.
What do I do, again? First, you dump this bag of dirt on the floor.
Then you demonstrate the vacuum cleaner.
And then, when she's getting interested, you give her the orchid.
I don't feel so well.
Listen, you got nothing to worry about.
This is the perfect way to break the ice.
Yes? What can I do for you? With your permission, miss.
Thank you, monsieur, but no, thank you, monsieur.
Pardon me.
Can I have my dirt back? Step aside.
Let me knock on that door.
And, yes.
Le dirt, le fleur le water.
Where did all the water come from? I guess you really did break the ice, T.
C.
-Did you get all the dirt out? -There's some more on top.
I'll turn up the vacuum, T.
C.
That's better.
That's enough, you birds.
We have been done an insult.
The honor of the group is at stake.
It is up to us to see to that French cruller Pierre gets a zets right in the nom de plume.
In no time at all, he'll be yelling for merci bien and running back to Paris as fast as his comment allez-vous will take him.
T.
C.
, I never saw you as mad as this.
Now one of my boys is in trouble.
When an enemy attacks her young, doth not the eagle bare her claws? You expressed that beautifully, T.
C.
, just beautifully.
I think we should steal the chick away from Pierre.
Yeah, hit him where it really hurts.
Good idea, Benny.
But how do we do it? That is the moot question for which it behooves me to endeavor to find a solution.
Officer Dibble's phone.
Who? The Sergeant? You want to talk to Officer Dibble? Certainly, he's here.
But I am not gonna wake him up for every thrill-seeker who calls.
Sorry, try calling back later.
Top Cat, was someone on my phone? Relax, Dibble, it was just the Sergeant.
-The Sergeant.
No! Hello, Sergeant.
-Dibble! But, Sergeant-- Hoodlums in the park? No, sir.
Yes, sir.
I'll be on the lookout, sir.
Yes, sir.
No, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
What was that Dibble said? It sounded like "Yes, sir.
No, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
" No, before that.
He said, "Hoodlums in the park.
" That's it.
That's your answer, Choo Choo.
This is your chance to be a hero.
Tonight, when Goldie walks in the park she is gonna be stopped by ruffians.
You will come to the rescue, you will vanquish the ruffians and you will be her hero.
I don't know, T.
C.
I'm not very good at ruffian vanquishing.
Relax, pal.
Benny and I will be the ruffians.
We'll both take a dive to make you look good.
Go on, Chooch, we can't miss tonight.
Tonight, a new hero will be born.
Goldie walks by like this.
Benny and I jump out from behind the bench.
She screams.
You rush in and belt us.
We take a dive.
Out of gratitude, she'll probably smother you with kisses and you'll live happily ever after.
She'll be along any minute, Chooch.
Get back out of sight.
Benny, you all set? All set, T.
C.
That isn't Goldie, it's Officer Dibble.
Dibble? Let's get lost till he goes by.
This looks like a good place, Butch.
Okay, Spike.
Back here.
-Okay, baby, let's have the purse.
-Yeah.
Hand it over.
Have no fear, my dear.
Choo Choo is here.
Now then, you hoodlums prepare yourselves for the thrashing you so richly deserve.
Take it easy, for heaven's sake.
You'll bruise me.
Go on, collapse.
Come on, you promised.
No, don't hit him.
Here, you can have the money.
Nonsense, my pet.
I can take whatever they dish out.
-Okay, let him have it, Spike.
-Go ahead, Spike.
Spike! What are you doing? Nothing at all, sir.
Just looking for a friend.
Nice night.
I'll be running along.
Good, I'll help you on your way.
-What was that? -Sounded like a scream.
-It came from over that way.
-Thanks.
Let's get back to Chooch.
Something may be wrong.
-Choo Choo, what happened? -Are you all right? -I guess so.
-Look over there.
They're the ones.
Genuine ruffians, hoodlums.
They threatened Goldie.
I don't really remember.
I must have gone berserk reverted to the primitive beast in me and wreaked all this havoc.
You wreaked them, all right.
Yeah, the law of the jungle.
A primitive creature fighting for his mate.
I can't believe it.
But it's true.
I'm a veritable tiger when aroused.
I told Dibble and he'll be coming back here any minute.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Our plan couldn't have worked out any better even if those hoods hadn't come along.
-But there's one thing that puzzles me.
-What's that? Goldie didn't hang around to thank Choo Choo for rescuing her.
Yeah.
She didn't even smother me with kisses.
She doesn't go for the primitive type, Choo Choo.
-How do you know? -This book of love poems.
She must have dropped it when Choo Choo saved her.
That's it.
That is it.
The chick digs the romantic type.
-Do you know any poems? -Sure.
"l" before "E" except after "C.
" No, I mean gooey, sentimental stuff.
It doesn't matter.
I'm afraid to talk to her.
So you begin by writing to her.
Here.
-But I don't even know what to write.
-I'll start you off.
Let me see now.
Darling, unless my heart doth deceive me.
-What's the matter? -How do you spell "deceive"? "l" before "E" except after "C.
" I was just gonna say that.
Come on.
Write what I tell you.
-The mail's here.
-Bring it over, Benny.
It's a letter and it's addressed to Passionflower.
That's the name Chooch signed to the letter we sent Goldie.
Hurry it up, Passionflower.
Open it.
-You read it, T.
C.
I'm all shakes.
-All right.
"Dear Passionflower.
" I like that.
"Dear Passionflower: The lovely sentiments "expressed in your letter struck a responsive chord within my heart.
"Affectionately, Goldie.
" Gosh, "affectionately.
" What did I tell you, Chooch? You're in, pal.
Frenchie is through.
I'll never forget you, T.
C.
-What do I do now? -You go see her tonight.
What else? -What do I tell her? -You tell her the same stuff you wrote her.
-But I didn't write that stuff, you did.
-You're right.
That is right.
Okay, I'll go with you tonight and I'll get you started -and then you are on your own.
-Thanks.
-That's all I need.
A start.
-We'll shoot the works, men! Spook, you arrange the music.
Like I'm from tunesville, dad.
I'll get bongos, nose flutes, hair combs-- -No.
Just guitars.
-Guitars? Benny, you handle the music.
Brain, you get the trampoline.
The rest of you guys will provide a close harmony.
All right, Cupid, let's go.
We meet in Goldie's garden at 9:00 sharp.
I will be right down.
Don't go away.
Goldie's coming down.
What'll I do? Don't worry, I'll take your place.
In the moonlight and with these masks, she'll never know the difference.
Now watch closely.
My dear, my life begins.
Shall we promenade amidst the pommes de terre? Aren't you going to take off your mask? In due time, my little cabbage.
We must allow our hearts to become acquainted first.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I just adore poetry.
Why not, my little apple blossom after all, it is the language of love.
-Tell me another poem.
-A poem? Something sad and full of meaning.
Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November.
-Is that all? -Yeah.
All the rest have 31 except February, naturally.
My love is like a red, red rose that's newly sprung in June.
You see, kid, she's crazy about you.
Gosh, she kissed me.
Sure, and you loved it.
This is the first time I ever kissed a girl by remote control.
Do you wanna do it again? Sure.
Here you go again, you crazy kid.
Don't talk, my sweet, not a whisper.
-How was it this time? -You were just crazy about it.
Gosh, I'm having fun.
If you had anymore fun, I don't think I could stand it.
What do you think, kid? Think you're ready to solo? What do you think? Go, knock them out of the sky, kiddo.
-Go ahead.
Say something.
-Sure.
Ain't it terrible about Marie Antoinette? Silly boy.
You're better at other things we could do together.
What? Yeah.
Can you do this? I meant something we could do together.
Sure, want to race me around the block? No, darling.
I'm not in the mood for running.
Excuse me a minute.
I fear she's a bit beyond me.
No, pal.
You're doing great.
It's what you wanted, ain't it? Yeah, that's right.
Show me just once more.
Kiss her and hug her for me.
Please.
Okay.
After all, that's what friends are for.
But this is positively the last time.
So pay attention.
Believe me, darling, if all those endearing young charms.
Try your charm on this.
Steady, Pierre.
This is all new bridgework.
Pierre, what is the meaning of this? This person is forcing his attention on you.
Yes? No, put that down.
You have no right.
No right at all.
-I want to be with him.
-She wants to be with me.
-Because I am going to marry him.
-Because she is going to marry.
Marry? But of course, I will, darling.
Well, in that case.
That is better.
I must go in.
But I want you boys to be friends.
My apologies, monsieur, and congratulations.
Save them, Pierre.
I'm not marrying anybody.
You mean you do not intend to marry Goldie? You got the message, Jack.
You cannot do this.
You break her heart.
You are a.
-Would you repeat that? -You are a.
I got a feeling you are trying to tell me something, Frenchie.
I challenge you to the duel.
A duel? Now, look, this is all a mistake.
Be here at noon tomorrow -or Pierre shall hunt you down like a dog.
-A dog? Au revoir, but not good-bye.
Anything wrong? No, everything's just fine except that Pierre is going to shoot me like a dog.
-A dog? -And Goldie's gonna marry me.
-Marry you? -It's not my idea.
You dog, you lowlife.
You've wanted her for yourself all along.
I've been a dupe, but now I see it all.
I hope Pierre aims true and pierces your pusillanimous traitorous heart with his first volley.
Now he learns how to talk.
What a deal.
Choo Choo won't talk to me and Pierre wants to shoot me.
All on account of a chick I don't even care about.
It's times like this you gotta use the old noodle, T.
C.
You'll think of something.
Right now, my mind's a blank.
Wait a minute! Blank, that's it.
You'll load the pistols with blank cartridges.
When Pierre shoots at me, I'll fake it.
That way nobody gets hurt.
What a plan! It can't miss.
That's what Pierre will think.
You're quite sure you want to go through with this dangerous business? Oui.
I demand satisfaction.
Very well.
Please select your weapons, gentlemen.
Pierre is ready, monsieur.
-Did you get the anksblay? -All set.
I got the anksblay.
Top Cat is likewise, "monsewer.
" One, two three, four, five six, seven eight, nine, ten! Fire! Pierre, you fiend, you have killed him.
Speak to me, T.
C.
! Say something! This is a far better thing I do than I would have done, if I didn't do it.
Poetry, sheer poetry.
He's dying.
My whole life seems to be passing before my very eyes.
No, you're gonna be okay, T.
C.
Has anybody got a Band-Aid? It's getting dark, very dark.
Why did you do it? I'll never forget you.
No, child.
You have your life to live.
-Grant me one last request.
-Anything.
You and Chooch should be together.
Promise me.
Promise? My blessings, children.
Gosh, T.
C I didn't mean the things I said.
I never thought this would happen.
I know now you were only trying to help me.
It's a little late for that.
It's gonna be strange without T.
C.
around.
He meant more to me than anything.
-Now you have Goldie.
-Goldie, yeah.
But I don't talk the way she likes and Goldie don't shoot pool.
I know now what I really want.
I really want to be with the gang.
The gang? Pierre! Wait for me, darling.
-You really mean it? -I know now.
But it's too late.
But it's not too late, men.
The pool hall's open all night.
T.
C.
, are you a ghost? No, I'm fine.
It was all a trick to cure your lovesickness.
I heard a gun.
What's going on here? Nothing really.
Someone took a shot at T.
C.
Is he hurt bad? Nope.
Guess, I'm out of season.
Sorry Dib.
You sure you weren't hit a little bit? Sorry, Dib.
I'm fine.
Benny loaded the pistol with blanks.
That's right.
Blanks, see.
Here they are! You still have them? Then the guns were loaded with real bullets! What's this? What's going on, anyway? Well, Officer Dibble I guess you might say it's just the end of the crazy mixed-up love affair.
C'est I'amour toujours, I think.