Wander Over Yonder (2013) s01e11 Episode Script

1 Welcome.
I've gathered you all here today because I am dy ing to tell you something.
I'm dying.
But before I die, I will bequeath to one of you villains my vast empire and the extensive power which I have spent 1,000 years building.
Are you 1,000 years old? You don't look a day over 400.
Am I right? Who's with me? Wait.
No! What if I say you do look your age? Or older? No! That was desperate.
I cannot stand desperate.
Whomever I bequeath control of my power to, must be one who possesses great strength, someone deserving.
I do not want weaklings! This is perfect, sir.
Now there's nobody standing in your Sorry I'm late.
Hey, it's Hater and Mr.
Peepers.
Sylvia, and you said we wouldn't know anyone.
Pbbt! Wander.
So glad you made it, my dear boy.
Ooh, sit next to me.
W W Wander? What is he doing why why who? Queen Entozoa, I can't thank you enough for inviting me and Sylvia to your swanky shindig.
I can't wait to meet all your fascinating guests.
And any of you well-behaved creeps get out of line, I got a couple of guests I'd like you to meet, too.
The Lady Haymaker and the Duchess of Wailing.
Duchess, look.
Finger sandwiches.
Oh, yeah.
But, your majesty, he's not even a villain, he's like the gooodiest good guy ever! On the contrary, Lord Hater, Wander is the number one most wanted fugitive in the galaxy.
So impressive.
Someone has some competition.
But he's wanted by me.
I did that.
Wander, I will not allow you to foil another one of my plans.
Now you shall d Excuse us.
We need to use the little villains' room.
Sir, we've been over this.
You cannot destroy anyone at a dinner party.
It's very rude.
And the queen is very, very particular about proper manners.
But Wander doesn't even want queen Entozoa's power.
I do.
Omino deus! Decto illuminata! Sancto invictus! Sir, let me take care of Wander.
She's sure to pick you if you stick to the plan and act like the ultimate gentleman.
Polite, proper, witty and charming.
Okay.
I can do this.
Whoo-ha! Hate's great.
What a lovely evil castle you have here.
Oh, stop.
You know just what to say to a girl.
I like it, too.
It's got good parts and then other parts that are also good, too, as well.
Don't be a suck up.
"Esther ate planets for Tom.
" Heh-heh-heh.
Oh, Wandy.
How I love your devil-may-care attitude.
Grr! Say goodbye, you wandering weirdo.
Better call the farmer because these calves are ready for market.
captain awesome You can't handle this.
not so awesome I can't understand these disgusting creatures.
Someone else talk.
Oh, I have a very pithy and impromptu story that's sure to make you laugh.
So the other day, I'm flying through space and there's this planet that's just begging to get blown up.
- Why? - Because it was.
- But why? - Because it was dumb looking.
- Why? - Because it was purple and I hate purple.
- Why? - Because this girl I liked had purple hair and she didn't want to date me but it doesn't matter 'cause I, like, didn't want to date her either so, like, she's the loser, not me.
So whatever, purple is just stupid, okay.
Hey, I can do this.
What a good one! Ah! Ooh, time for dancing.
Dancing! But before I let loose on the dance floor, I got to let loose in the little gentleman's room.
So if you'll excuse me.
That's gonna hurt coming off.
Whoop, door's stuck.
Hello? I did it.
Sir, Wander is all taken care of.
This is the moment we've been waiting for.
Your majesty, may I have this dance? Time as old as you Lord Hater and the queen beautiful pretty things dancing in the room bequeath yourself to me Hater and the queen Lord Hater, maybe I was wrong about you.
I can't think of anyone more deserving of my power.
Phew! And I thought I missed it.
Follow my lead, look for breaks, don't put anything in your ear bigger than your elbow.
Let's go! May I cut in? Oh my, you are a wild one, Wandy.
Whee! Credo viri rominus May I cut in? Ow.
Ow.
No.
No! No! I got to save this.
What can I do? What can I do? I know.
Mwah! What are you doing? I'm 1,000 years old.
But but but but You don't look more than 400.
Desperate, weak, pathetic.
I can't stand desperate.
The party is over.
I have made my choice.
No, please.
You can't give it to Wander.
He's an idiot.
He'll use it for good, not evil! Give me what? Wander, it is my wish to bequeath to you Forget polite and proper.
Forget witty and charming.
I am not the ultimate gentleman.
I am Lord Hater, the ultimate evil.
When I want something, I take it.
And I want your power, now! Okay.
Huh? Really? Such strength.
Such force.
Oh, so we are doing the kissing thing then? I will enjoy inhabiting your body so much better than this old hag's.
Yes.
Wait, what? Oh, yes, Lord Hater.
That's the catch.
Just as I did with the queen, when I bequeath my empire to a vessel, they may control my power, but I will control them for the next 1,000 years! Lord Hater.
Nooo.
Oh-ho! Okay, I'm full.
You stuck me in a sandwich for a 1,000 years? Destroy them! Whoo-hoo! Heck of a party, huh? Later, Hater.
Run, you fools.
But mark my words, I will find you and you will pay! So you're a sandwich now? I'm totally into that.
Evil sandwich! You been there? Been there? Been there? Been there? Yes.
Uh-huh.
You betcha.
Indeedy-do.
So you saw the Ooh, it was terrific, but it was no Arooga-dingle-ling-ling.
You've been to Arooga-dingle-ling-ling, too? Sylvia, isn't this amazing? Uh, it sure is.
Welcome to Planet Ziziks.
What will it be? One flarvarian float, two straws.
I can't believe you've been to Arooga-dingle-ling-ling-ling.
And a translation guide, if you got one.
Sylvia, I met another wanderer.
Can you believe she's been to as many places in the universe as me? Name's Trudy, Trudy Traveler, and I'm pleased as punch to meetcha and greetcha.
Yeah, likewise.
Ooh, and speaking of punch When you went to Glowerp, did you see the pbbt? And the rawr? And the bzzt? I'll just leave it there.
I loved the pbbt and the rawr, and the bzzt, and the flooshy slooshy sloosh.
I loved the flooshy slooshy sloosh.
Wait a minute.
I didn't see the flooshy slooshy sloosh.
Well you're young.
You'll catch up someday.
Anywho, I should toodles.
Places to go, sights to see, you understand.
Or do you? Nothing like a flarvarian float to start off a relaxing vacay, huh? Aww.
I can't stop thinking about the flooshy slooshy sloosh.
You really want to see the flooshy slooshy thingy? Well, then come on.
Let's go.
The vacay can wait.
Sylvia's awesome.
I got to admit, this is exciting.
That thing seem slow to anyone? Ooh! Well, that's done.
Let's go.
Happy, Wander? You got your flooshy slooshy thingy and I got my flarvarian float waiting for me back on Ziziks.
Let's get this vacay underway.
Well, isn't this a treat? Where y'all coming from? - We just saw old flooshy.
- My favorite part was the slooshing.
- And now we're even.
- Isn't that nice? By the by, while you were off seeing old slooshy, I toured the museum of ginormous antiquities.
I tasted the galaxy's biggest hoagie.
And stayed at a fancy-shmancy hotel.
Seasoned traveler like you, surely you've been to all those places? Gee, whackers.
I'm no math whiz, but I think that means I'm ahead by three.
Toodles.
Not that it's a contest, that'd be silly-willy.
But if it was, I am winning.
So who's parched, aside from me? I want to eat, see, and stay at those places, respectively.
Wander, you're not getting competitive, are you? Sylvia, I am offended at the implication.
I am simply expressing a natural curiosity.
Yeah, all right, all right.
Don't get your socks in a bunch.
Uh, I guess they do sound like fun side-trips and the vacay can wait.
Eeee! But soon as we're done, we're headed straight back to Ziziks for my float, got it? Yeah-yeah-yeah, sure, fine.
Just hang a right and ignore the speed limit.
- It's so big! - It's so big Beautiful, impressive, inspiring, just as good as the real thing.
Done! Hey! Then again, I am kind of peckish.
Check please.
If you think a stay at fancy shmancy's fancy hotel will make up for you eating my dinner Ooh! There's a spa! - Enjoy your stay.
- We will.
- We did.
- We what? Trudy was right, those places were amazing.
Were they? I wouldn't know.
Take it from me, one of the two most traveled folks in the universe, they were.
I really hate that sound.
Well, isn't this a nice surprise? - Isn't it? - It is.
We just got back from those three great places you told us about.
Well, I guess that'd make us tied if I hadn't just gone to five more.
- Impressive.
- Impossible! She drives at the speed of dusty molasses.
Five.
I want to climb, observe, witness, enjoy, and ride those things, respectively.
- Wander, I don't think it's - Please! No.
No.
Uh-uh.
No way.
Not gonna Okay! But only if you agree to take it nice and slow.
- Deal? - Eeee! - Let's go! - I'm sensing a troubling pattern here.
The temple of Backalakabingbong was a place of solemnity and fortitude.
Done.
The delicate tardilius plant blooms hourly, awakening slowly to show its splendid petals.
Done.
The courtship ritual of the Lorb requires patience.
Done.
The Klerblatz ceremony you are witnessing has been unchanged for thousands of years.
Done.
And now we are entering Shatterton, the town made entirely of glass.
- Of course, we are.
- We better take it slow or Done.
I think we're clear.
- Gah! - Well, howdy hoo.
- Five, I saw five.
Five.
- Oh.
I only saw four.
- Really? - Tee.
Four-tee.
Forty.
- Got it.
Hee-yahh! - Hee-yahh? Seen it, saw it, done it, Did it, yep, yeah, sure, fine.
Good, great, got it, win it.
Victory will be mine.
You're a worthy opponent, Wander.
Seems we are now even.
I don't do even! Planet Pharphlung, you, me, there, now! You're on.
Let's go, Sylvia.
Come on! Adventure, sights exploring, fun! My feet hurt.
I'm tired.
I don't even want to think about how thirsty I am.
Ugh, now I'm thinking about it! You got to choose, Wander.
It's her or m Huh? Gah! Oh my.
It's the birth of a star.
It's so beautiful.
Puts things in perspective, doesn't it? I I don't know what to say.
Actually, I do.
Eat it, fuzzball.
I've been doing this all wrong.
One flarvarian float, one straw.
Better make it two.
- Wander! - Sylvia, I am so sorry.
I got so caught up in proving myself the most traveled tourist in the entire universe! I forgot the real reason I love wandering in the first place.
The roses you stop and smell aren't as sweet without your best pal to smell it with you.
Aw, man, what are you trying to do to me with all the sappy sappiness? Garcon, one more straw.
Where are you?! Did you find him yet, Trudy? - Nope.
- Did you, Trudy? - Nope.
- Did you, Trudy? - Nope.
- You, Trudy? - Nope.
- How about you, Trudy? - Nah.
- Any luck, Trudy? Sorry, Trudy, nope.
- You? - What? How about you? You? You? - Ugh, we'll never find him.
- Give it up, Trudy.
Technically speaking, the furry fella did win.
Oh, just stow it, would you, Trudy? Destroy them!