According To Jim s01e12 Episode Script

OH! GOOD MORNING.
HEY, I THINK THE KIDS ARE STILL SLEEPING.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HAVE A LITTLE BREAKFAST IN BED? [SNIFFING.]
YOU SMELL SO GOOD.
OH, HEY, HONEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE UP.
DO YOU WANT CEREAL OR EGGS? UHBOTH.
OKAY.
UH EXCUSE ME.
WE DIDN'T, UH YOU KNOW GOOD! HAH! OH, BABY.
HEY, RUBY, I GOTTA TELL YOU, THAT SOCCER GAME WAS GREAT! WASN'T IT, ANDY? OH, GREAT.
YEAH, WASN'T IT GREAT, CHERYL? THE GAME WAS GREAT.
WAS I GOOD? All: GREAT! HEY, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, THOUGH, HERE, CHAMP.
HOW COME YOU HUGGED THE OTHER TEAM'S GOALIE AFTER YOUR TEAM SCORED? SHE LOOKED SAD.
AW.
SWEETIE, WHY DON'T YOU GO WASH UP FOR LUNCH.
AW, THAT WAS SO SWEET.
YEAH, IT WAS.
SHE SUCKS.
HONEY.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.
IT'S ABOUT HER HAVING FUN AND HANGING OUT WITH HER FRIENDS.
THAT'S WHAT SPORTS ARE ALL ABOUT.
THAT'S WHAT TEA PARTIES ARE ALL ABOUT.
SPORTS IS ABOUT LIFE.
THERE'S A WINNER, THERE'S A LOSER, AND AT SOME POINT, THEY CUT OFF THE BEER.
THIS IS OUR DAUGHTER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I KNOW, AND SHE REALLY SUCKS.
I MEAN, COME ON, HONEY, THE WAY SHE ACTS ON THAT SOCCER FIELD IS THE WAY SHE'S GONNA ACT THE REST OF HER LIFE.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU MEAN, SHE'S GONNA GO THROUGH LIFE HUGGING PEOPLE? IF WE DON'T NIP IT IN THE BUD! WOW, WHAT A SOCCER GAME! RUBY, YOU WERE GREAT! SHE'S UPSTAIRS, DANA.
OKAY.
SHE SUCKS.
HEY WHO WAS YOUR DATE AT THE SOCCER GAME? HE WAS SO CUTE.
CHERYL, HIS NAME IS TED, AND HE'S A CLIENT AT OUR AD AGENCY.
GOOD, 'CAUSE HE WAS WAY TOO OLD FOR YOU.
AND I AM DATING HIM.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU, DANA.
TELL ME, WHAT'S IT LIKE EATING DINNER AT 4:00? HA HA HA HA.
DOES VIAGRA MAKE A DIFFERENCE? COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THANK YOU, CHERYL.
AND, YES, IT DOES.
ANYWAY TED THINKS RUBY HAS THE PERFECT LOOK FOR THIS COOKIE AD WE'RE DOING, AND HE'D REALLY LIKE TO USE HER.
YOU KNOW, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU GUYS.
"THE PERFECT LOOK.
" OH, BOY, DOES THAT TAKE ME BACK.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
REMEMBER? I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD WHEN I DID THAT COMMERCIAL.
I HAD ON SNOW PANTS AND A DERBY.
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THE GUY SAYS, "REGAL SNOW PANTS, THE SNOW PANTS FOR KINGS.
" THEN I SAY [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
IT RAN FOR, LIKE, SIX MONTHS.
YOU GOTTA-- [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, CHERYL? RUBY'S PICTURE WILL BE IN THE PAPER.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T WANT RUBY TO GET THE MESSAGE THAT HER VALUE IS BASED ON HER LOOKS.
OH, WELL, YOU HAD NO PROBLEM ENTERING ME IN THE "MOST HANDSOME DAD" CONTEST AT RUBY'S SCHOOL.
YEAH, THAT WAS A DISASTER, AND I WAS WRONG.
YOU KNOQ, DANA, I REALLY DON'T THINK I WANT HER TO DO IT.
YOU KNOW, I KINDA GOTTA GO ALONG WITH CHERYL ON THIS ONE.
IT PAYS $1,500.
SHE'LL DO IT.
WHAT? COME ON, CHERYL, ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS EAT COOKIES AND SMILE.
RUBY'LL HAVE FUN, I'LL SCORE BIG POINTS AT WORK, AND IT'LL MAKE TED VERY HAPPY.
YEAH, AND HE ONLY HAS SO MUCH TIME LEFT.
I AM SO TERRIBLE.
CHERYL, COME ON, RUBY HAS BEEN LEECHING OFF US FOR SIX YEARS.
HONEY.
THE NIGHT LIGHT ALONE! OH, ALL RIGHT, BUT THE MONEY GOES RIGHT INTO HER COLLEGE FUND, SHE DOESN'T MISS ANY SCHOOL, AND THIS IS A ONE-TIME THING.
ABSOLUTELY.
THIS IS SO EXCITING.
HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN SAY THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A MODEL IN THE FAMILY? HELLO! RUBY, YOU READY? NOW JUST LOOK INTO THE CAMERA, DIP THE COOKIE INTO THE MILK, TAKE A BIG BITE, AND SMILE.
GOOD--PERFECT.
HI.
HI, I'M JIM.
I'M RUBY'S FATHER.
WHERE DO I GO TO VALIDATE THIS? JIM, YOU'RE RIGHT IN RUBY'S SIGHTLINE.
SHE'S WORKING.
OH, SORRY, SORRY.
HEY, YOU'RE THE PHOTOGRAPHER? YEAH.
LET ME ASK YOU, DO I HAVE A GOOD NECK? BECAUSE SOME GUY ONCE TOLD ME THAT I'D BE A GOOD NECK MODEL.
MAYBE.
GET THESE CHINS OUT OF THE WAY.
LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
HEY.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOUR RUBY IS A NATURAL AT THIS.
SHE'S VERY PHOTOGENIC.
THAT'S BECAUSE OF HER BIG HEAD.
SHE GETS THAT FROM ME.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING AN AGENT? YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO NUDITY.
BUT, OF COURSE, EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE.
WHAT, YOU GOT A JOB IN MIND, OR I MEAN FOR RUBY.
RUBY? BECAUSE WE MUST HAVE SEEN 50 GIRLS FOR THIS.
BEAT OUT 49 OTHER GIRLS? YEAH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT COULDN'T MAKE THE CUT, WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
YEAH, BUT, JIM, WE KINDA TRY NOT TO LOOK AT IT LIKE THAT.
WELL, YEAH.
DID ANY OF THEM CRY? WHERE'S KYLE'S BELLY? WHERE'S KYLE'S BELLY? OH! THERE IT IS! BL-BL-BL-BL-BL! THERE IT IS.
OH.
MWAH! GOOD BOY.
MOMMY, GRACIE HIT ME.
HIT HER BACK.
CHERYL! CHERYL, LOOK.
OH! HOT OFF THE PRESSES.
THIS IS RUBY'S AD.
AWW.
HERE IT IS.
THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS.
LOOK, IT'S GREAT.
LOOK AT THAT BIG OLD HEAD, HUH? AWW.
YOU KNOW WHAT? THE PHOTOGRAPHER SAID SHE WAS A NATURAL, THAT SHE COULD HAVE A CAREER DOING THIS.
HE THOUGHT SHE COULD GET AN AGENT.
OKAY.
JIM, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.
WE AGREED THIS WAS A ONE-TIME THING.
OH, HONEY, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID THE FIRST NIGHT WE WERE TOGETHER.
YOU DON'T STICK TO YOUR GUNS.
OH, YES, I DO.
DO YOU SEE A ONE-MAN HELICOPTER IN THE BACKYARD? THAT IS NOT OVER.
I WILL FLY.
I'M JUST SO EXCITED FOR HER, HONEY.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE HER STRUGGLING AT SOCCER AND LIKE THAT, AND THEN YOU SEE HER SUCCEED AT SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
I'M JUST PROUD OF HER.
I KNOW YOU ARE.
AND SHE HAD A GREAT EXPERIENCE.
AND NOW? AND NOW SHE GOES BACK TO BEING A NORMAL KID, NORMAL LIFE, NORMAL HOUSE.
IT'S OVER.
IT'S DONE.
THANK YOU.
HEY, JIM, GUESS WHAT?! YOUR MEETING WENT GREAT.
RUBY'S GOT AN AGENT.
BOY, I WISH I HAD THAT HELICOPTER RIGHT NOW.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT RUBY AN AGENT BEHIND MY BACK! HONEY, I HAD NO CHOICE.
YOU TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO IT.
AND YOU YOU'RE MY SISTER! I CAN SEE YOU TWO HAVE SOMETHING TO WORK OUT, SO I'LL JUST GET BACK HERE! I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I CAME BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME.
JIM, WE AGREED THIS WAS GONNA BE A ONE-TIME THING.
LOOK, CHERYL, I DON'T MEAN TO SUPPORT JIM, BECAUSE I DON'T, YOU KNOW, LIKE HIM.
CHERYL, I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR MANY YEARS, AND I'M TELLING YOU, RUBY WAS GREAT.
AND SHE LOVED IT.
NO, JIM, YOU LOVED IT.
YES, I DID LOVE IT.
YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SHE HAD FUN, SHE WAS EXCITED, SHE WAS GETTING A LOT OF PRAISE.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD FOR HER CONFIDENCE.
AND ARE WE HAVING CAULIFLOWER FOR DINNER AGAIN? YES.
THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER DISCUSSION.
RUBY! RUBY! RUBY! LOOK AT YOUR PICTURE IN THE PAPER.
WOW, I LOOK GOOD.
YEAH.
DID YOU HAVE FUN EATING ALL THOSE COOKIES AND HAVING EVERYBODY LOVE YOU? YEAH.
CAN I DO IT AGAIN? WELL, IT'S OKAY WITH ME.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOUR MOTHER.
CAN I, MOMMY, PLEASE? I GUESS WE CAN TRY IT FOR A BIT.
YAY! YAY! YAY! RUBY.
RUBY.
YOU DON'T WANT CAULIFLOWER FOR DINNER, DO YOU? NO! [MAMBO PLAYING.]
[TURNS OFF STEREO.]
HEY! I WAS JUST, UH RELAX, JIM, I KNOW YOU DANCE WHEN I'M NOT HOME.
YOU KNOW ANYTHING ELSE? YOU KNOW, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
SURE YOU CAN! WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE JUST SPENT AN HOUR AND A HALF WITH 30 SCREAMING KIDS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT'S LIKE? HONEY, I TRY NOT TO PUT MYSELF IN THOSE KINDS OF SITUATIONS.
TAKING RUBY TO THESE AUDITIONS IS A NIGHTMARE.
COME ON, CHERYL, YOU KNEW HOW THIS BUSINESS WORKED WHEN YOU GOT US INTO IT.
IT'S BEEN A WEEK, JIM.
I'VE BEEN RUNNING ALL AROUND, DRAGGING GRACIE AND KYLE WITH ME.
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING DONE AROUND THE HOUSE, AND RUBY HASN'T GOTTEN ONE JOB.
SHE DIDN'T GET THIS ONE, EITHER? NO.
IT WENT TO THIS LITTLE GIRL WITH, OH, THE CURLIEST RED HAIR.
SHE WAS SO CUTE.
YOU KNOW, HER MOTHER WAS TELLING ME-- HER MOTHER?! YEAH.
YOU DON'T TALK TO THE MOTHERS! THEY'RE THE ENEMY! HONEY, SHE WASN'T THE ENEMY, SHE WAS NICE.
OH, BOY, SHE SAW YOU COMING.
OH! THERE WAS NO AGENDA.
WE WERE JUST TALKING WHILE RUBY PLAYED WITH HER LITTLE GIRL.
PLAYED WITH HER LITTLE GIRL? YEAH.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THE CHILDREN PLAYING TOGETHER.
THIS ISN'T A SOCIAL EVENT, CHERYL.
THIS IS A COMPETITION WHERE THERE'S ONE WINNER.
COME ON, CHERYL, YOU DON'T SEE BOXERS BEFORE A FIGHT PLAYING WITH JACKS AND JUICE BOXES! NO! NO, THEY TALK TRASH, AND THEY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER! THAT'S MODELING! WELL, I DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY.
[SIGHS.]
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY DOES.
WELL, YOU SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM, THAT RUBY'S JUST LIKE YOU.
SHE-SHE'S A PUSHOVER! I MEAN, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WITH THE REST OF HER LIFE? SHE'S GONNA HAVE TONS OF FRIENDS AND NO TROPHIES?! HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING NICE.
I CAN SEE I CAUGHT THIS JUST IN TIME THE KIND COMPETITOR.
FROM NOW ON, I I WILL TAKE RUBY TO THE AUDITIONS.
I WILL PREPARE HER.
I WILL GET HER COMPETITIVE! I WILL GET HER TO WIN, NOT LOSE! WIN! YOU'RE RIGHT, HONEY.
WHAT WAS I THINKING, TRYING TO RAISE A WELL-ROUNDED, LOVING HUMAN BEING.
APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
RUBY! JIM, I'M GONNA GO ON IN AHEAD OF YOU AND SIGN IN.
O-KAY.
IN THE AD WORLD, "SIGNING IN" MEANS -- I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
OKAY, THEN.
I'M GONNA GO INTO THE WAITING AREA.
OKAY, COME HERE, BABY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU NERVOUS? NO.
WHY ARE YOUR HANDS COLD? YOU MADE ME HOLD YOUR SLURPEE.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A SMILE.
GOOD.
GOOD.
OKAY, NOW "MAD.
" NOW "SURPRISED.
" NOW "INCREDIBLY SURPRISED.
" NOW THE SMILE.
MY FACE HURTS, DADDY.
EVERYBODY'S FACE HURTS, HONEY.
NOW, GO IN THERE AND GET THAT JOB.
WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
ONE THING, ONE THING.
ONE THING.
IF IT HELPS, YOU'RE 1/16 CHEROKEE.
WHOA.
EXCUSE ME, BUT WEREN'T YOU THE REGAL SNOW PANTS BOY? YES! YES, I WAS.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.]
ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
I WAS THE SNOWFLAKE EARMUFF GIRL, REMEMBER? WARM AND TOASTY! NO, I'M SORRY.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
SURE YOU DO.
WARM AND TOASTY! WARM AND TOASTY! WHOA, WHOA, SWEETHEART, THAT'S 20 YEARS AGO.
STOP LIVING IN THE PAST.
[ JIM SIGHS .]
THIS PLACE IS PACKED.
AW, DON'T LET IT THROW YOU.
I SCOPED THE PLACE OUT, AND THERE'S ONLY ONE KID IN HERE THAT POSES A REAL THREAT.
RIGHT THERE-- HALEY MICHAELS.
SHE'S GOT AN "ADIDAS" AND A "LUCKY CHARMS" SPOT RUNNING.
SO, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
ACTUALLY, IT'S GREAT.
SHE'S WORKED TOO MUCH.
SHE'S OVEREXPOSED.
"NO, THANK YOU.
" SO, THAT'S GOOD? HARD TO SAY-- SHE IS A NAME.
GET AWAY! LET ME GO MESS WITH HER HEAD.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING? THAT'S MY DAUGHTER OVER THERE.
SHE'S AUDITIONING.
YEAH, MINE, TOO.
SHE'S OVER THERE.
YEAH, WELL, YOU MAY RECOGNIZE MY DAUGHTER-- SHE WAS IN THE BACK PAGE OF THE SUNDAY CHICAGO TRIBUNE IN THE FOOD SECTION, EATING A COOKIE.
YOU KNOW, RIGHT NEXT TO THE OBITUARIES.
WELL, MY DAUGHTER'S DONE TV COMMERCIALS.
YEAH, WELL, SHE'S DONE TV COMMERCIALS, TOO, AND MOVIES.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WHAT MOVIE? IT WAS CALLED "THE WISE-ASS FATHER "WHO GOT HIS ASS KICKED IN THE PARKING LOT AFTER THE AUDITION.
" OH, YEAH, IS THAT THE ONE WHERE THE WISE-ASS FATHER TURNS OUT TO BE AN OFF-DUTY COP? SO WE'RE COOL? YEAH.
OKAY.
AND BECAUSE GIA'S LOOKS WERE SO PERFECT, THEY ENDED UP DESTROYING HER.
HEY.
HEY, SWEETIE.
DID YOU HAVE FUN WITH DADDY? IT WAS GREAT.
UNCLE ANDY GOT KICKED OUT FOR MAKING A GIRL CRY.
OHHH.
OH, HONEY, IT WAS REALLY GREAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT A GREAT FEELING ABOUT THIS.
THEY JUST CALLED.
SHE DIDN'T GET IT.
THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG.
PROBABLY 'CAUSE SHE'S 1/16 CHEROKEE.
GOD, JIM, YOU DIDN'T PULL THAT OUT, DID YOU? YOU WEREN'T SO HIGH AND MIGHTY ABOUT IT WHEN IT GOT US OUR 3% MORTGAGE.
[ SIGHS .]
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT.
RUBY IS NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE.
IT'S TOO MUCH REJECTION FOR A SIX-YEAR OLD.
OH, HONEY, COME ON EVERYBODY GETS REJECTED.
THAT'S PART OF LIFE.
THAT'S A LESSON THEY HAVE TO LEARN.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO TOUGHEN RUBY UP A LITTLE BIT, THAT'S ALL.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE NEEDS TOUGHENING UP? ARE YOU KIDDING, HONEY? SHE'S A SOFTIE.
I MEAN, SHE'S ALWAYS THE LAST IN LINE FOR EVERYTHING.
SHE ALWAYS GETS STUCK WITH THE BROKEN CRAYONS.
AND AT HALLOWEEN, YOU KNOW, SHE ACTUALLY TURNS IN THE MONEY SHE COLLECTS FOR UNICEF.
KIDS DON'T DO THAT.
I JUST WORRY ABOUT HER.
OH, HONEY, EVERYBODY WORRIES ABOUT THEIR KIDS.
NO, NO, I DON'T WORRY ABOUT GRACIE.
SHE'S LIKE ME.
SHE'S TOUGH.
THE OTHER DAY, I ACTUALLY SAW HER TAKE A PIECE OF MEAT OUT OF THE DOG'S MOUTH.
HONEY, RUBY'S NOT LIKE GRACIE.
RUBY'S SENSITIVE.
SHE'S SWEET.
SHE GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO HELP OTHERS.
YEAH, LIKE YOU.
YEAH, LIKE ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU SAID THAT THE OTHER DAY.
I MEAN, WHEN DID THAT BECOME SUCH A BAD THING? WELL I MEAN, IT'S NOT A BAD THING.
ACTUALLY, IT IS A GREAT THING.
I MEAN, I MARRIED THAT THING.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, I GUESS I'LL GO UPSTAIRS AND TELL HER THAT YOU'RE GONNA COME UPSTAIRS AND TELL HER THAT SHE DIDN'T GET THE JOB.
JIM.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL HAVE HER AGENT DO IT.
HI, DADDY.
GRACIE [ WHINING .]
COME ON, GO DOWNSTAIRS.
PLAY WITH THE DOG.
AND NO BITING! COME ON OUT, HONEY.
UH! HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT A REALLY FUNNY JOKE FOR YOU.
TWO PEANUTS WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET.
THEY DIDN'T PICK ME.
HOW DID YOU GET THERE? YOU TOLD THAT JOKE WHEN MY GOLDFISH DIED AND WHEN I HAD TO GET A SHOT.
IT'S A BAD JOKE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT ONE OF MY BEST, BUT HOW COME THEY NEVER PICK ME ANYMORE? UM DON'T THEY LIKE ME? [ SIGHS .]
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DON'T PICK YOU, SWEETIE, BUT I KNOW IT'S NOT BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE YOU.
YOU KNOW, I YOU KNOW WHAT? I WASN'T REALLY HAVING FUN WITH IT ANYMORE, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, YEAH, IT WAS KINDA COOL AT FIRST, THE EXPERIENCE, BUT THERE WAS NO FUN.
I MEAN, WERE YOU HAVING FUN? WERE YOU? HUH? SO, YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S NOT DO IT ANYMORE.
I MEAN, WE DON'T HAVE TO, RIGHT? WE DON'T? NO! WHAT YOU AND I SHOULD BE DOING, WE SHOULD BE HAVING FUN.
WE SHOULD JUST HAVE FUN.
RIGHT? I WANT TO TALK.
SIT STILL.
COME ON, SIT STILL.
HOW AM I GOING TO TALK TO YOU IF YOU'RE NOT SITTING STILL? ST-A-A-AY STILL! OKAY, COME HERE.
TELL MEWHAT DO YOU THINK IS FUN? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT'S FUN? SOCCER.
[ SIGHS .]
REALLY? YEAH, BUT I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.
NO KIDDING.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND FUN ABOUT SOCCER? WELL, AFTER, MY TEAM GOES OUT FOR PIZZA.
REALLY?! WOW, YOU ARE LIKE ME.
YOU WANT SOME PIZZA? YEAH.
LET'S GO GET SOME PIZZA.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW WHAT GOES GOOD WITH PIZZA? NO, DADDY! NO! YOU KNOW WHAT GOES GOOD WITH PIZZA? BODY SLAM! BODY SLAM! OH! PILE DRIVER! OOF! THE CRUSHER! OOF! THE SCISSOR! OH! AAH! OOH! RUBY, PLAYING SOCCER GOOD CAN BE FUN.
YOU JUST GOTTA PRACTICE.
NOW, COME ON, JUST SHOW ME HOW YOU KICK.
NO, NO, HONEY.
HONEY.
HONEY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
OKAY, GET A GOOD RUNNING START, AND YOU WANT TO KICK IT REALLY HARD LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DADDY, THIS IS FUN.
Not like that, honey.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, NOW TRY IT.
NOW, GET BEHIND IT! GET BEHIND THE BALL! THAT A GIRL! THAT A GIRL! OH! YES! THAT'S MY GIRL, THAT'S MY GIRL.
OH! OOH! AAH! OW! YOU CAN GO TO BED IN FIVE MINUTES.
JUST KILL IT! COME ON, KILL IT! NOW JUST REALLY GIVE ME A SHOT.
COME ON, GIVE IT TO ME, BABY! GIVE IT TO ME.
YOU CAN GO TO BED NOW.