Alfred Hitchcock Presents s01e12 Episode Script

Good evening.
I thought I might as well brick this up.
I don't expect I'll be using this fireplace anymore.
I expect the chimney to be closed very soon.
I've loosened the bricks so they'll fall in if anyone should brush against them on the way down.
Santa Claus is always bringing surprises to others.
I thought it would be interesting if someone surprised him for a change.
I'm rather tired of his tracking soot in here every year.
There.
Let him "Ho ho ho" himself out of that.
At the risk of overburdening our program with the spirit of the season we have arranged to dramatize a very appropriate story for tonight's divertissement.
It is called Santa Claus and the Tenth Avenue Kid.
Now, Doris, you must report to your parole office once a month.
It's very important.
Will you try to remember, dear? Yes, ma'am.
Very well.
Merry Christmas, Doris.
Merry Christmas.
Good afternoon, Mr.
Sears.
Good afternoon, Mr.
Chambers.
Afternoon, Miss Webster.
Sears, you're to report to me in just one month.
January 20.
That's all.
Except remember, your parole can be revoked at any time.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
I'm sure Mr.
Chambers didn't really mean to sound so pessimistic, Mr.
Sears.
Your past parole record isn't very good but I'm sure we have every reason to hope for the best.
Don't we, Mr.
Sears? Yes, ma'am.
I'll tell you what plans we have for your rehabilitation.
Rehabilitation.
Looks to me like she could do with a bit of rehabilitating herself.
Now let me see, Harold Sears.
Yes, ma'am.
My friends call me "Stretch" Sears.
Yes, of course.
Harold Sears.
We've really been fortunate, finding employment so soon.
It's rather hard to find anything suitable for a gentleman of your age and Record.
Record's the word.
Can't you say it? I got a record as long as your face.
Maybe they don't want to hire me on account of me being in the stir.
You reckon that might be it? Oh, dear, Mr.
Sears, you mustn't be sensitive.
You must believe me.
It's never too late to start again.
You must realize you can't I mean you're simply not young and strong enough to keep on climbing in windows and smashing safes and such things.
You must see by now that it doesn't work.
You always get caught.
What do you mean, always? I was only caught five times.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life in stir, Mr.
Sears? Because that's exactly what you're going to do if you slip again.
You must keep in mind that your parole can be revoked at any time.
I don't hardly get a chance to forget that.
Please, Mr.
Sears, if you're not a little more careful in the future there isn't going to be any, future, I mean.
Well, as I was about to say, this job is not permanent.
My sister works for Sampson & Cole's Department Store and it was through her that I heard about it.
The man they had was suddenly taken ill and they need someone at once so I spoke with the personnel manager and I must admit I wasn't quite frank with him.
I mean He don't know I'm an ex-con? Yes, he knows that.
But not the number nor the length of your periods of incarceration.
If they are pleased with you, if you try, Mr.
Sears it may lead to something more permanent in the store.
A nice, light job that can earn you a living.
And, of course, we expect you to spend some time with us here.
Plenty of rest and good food will do wonders for you.
Yeah.
Good pay, you know.
$10 a day and lunch in the cafeteria.
What do I do? Mr.
Shaw, he's the personnel manager.
Mr.
Shaw said he would explain it to you when you got there.
You can do it, I'm sure.
Pushing a broom, I guess.
Well, they got me over a barrel.
Okay, Miss Webster.
It's a deal.
Santa Claus.
Jeez.
There you are, Sears.
You look very good, very good, indeed.
Yes, well, I don't feel good.
That's not the proper Christmas spirit.
Jolly is as jolly does, you know.
People won't recognize me in this get-up, will they? You know, I've a reputation to uphold.
There's no question about it.
You are Santa Claus himself.
"And a round little belly that shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
" Yes, I stuffed some things up there to make me look fat.
I couldn't find a pillow.
I see.
During your lunch hour, you can get a pillow from my office.
And you better take these other articles back to wherever you found them.
Yes, sir.
But you'll make a fine Santa Claus.
You know, if you do well here this could turn into a regular job.
Every year.
But I don't see a twinkle in your eye, perhaps you could develop one.
Sure, yes.
There's not much to it.
You just ask the children what they want.
But make no promises, remember that.
However, if the child should happen to see something that he wants here be sure and make a note of it for the convenience of the parents.
Sure.
I've shilled before.
I mean, I get you.
Is there anything special you want pushed? Now that you mention it we're having a great deal of trouble getting rid of the musical teddy bears.
I get you.
So you just take each child on your lap and ask it what he wants.
Kids? On my lap? Yes, of course.
Please, remember Christmas spirit, Sears.
It's starting.
Oh.
Sears, your mustache.
Good, Santa.
Santa Claus.
What do you want? For Christmas, I mean.
Come on in.
All right, what's your name? You haven't forgotten, have you? All right, listen, I only want to know your name.
Come on now, you ain't afraid of old Santy, are you? I'm wondering what you want for Christmas.
How can I bring it to you unless I know what it is? Well I want a big doll, skates a cooking set, and a ballet dress.
Wait.
Now, wait.
You're going too fast.
I have to write it all down.
I want a ballet dress a queen dress a tea set a puppy, a kitten, a rabbit.
Do you live on a farm? I live in apartment 3B, on Park Avenue and I want a duck- Too much livestock for one apartment.
Wait, now, maybe I can bring you a kitten.
Yes, a kitten.
And as many of them other things as I can lay my hands on.
Here, come here.
Now we can talk better.
Think of something funny.
Think of your new kitten batting the balls on the Christmas tree knocking them, climbing up the curtains.
Beating the juice out of the joint.
Now, here, take this doodad that I'm going to give you and bring it back to your mother.
This is terrible.
I'd rather be doing time.
Look at the little monsters.
The joint's crawling with them.
Good morning, Santa Claus.
Good morning to you.
I want a bike, a parrot, and a fire engine, and I want that.
Sorry, kid.
That's the only one I got, and that's promised already.
I want it.
That's too bad.
You don't expect to get everything you want, do you? Why can't I have it? Why is it up there making little boys want it if they can't have it? I didn't put it up there.
The store put it up there.
I've got nothing to do with it.
It's yours, isn't it? You could have the elves make another one.
No, I couldn't.
They're all tired out.
Look, I'll bring you a good plane, a small one.
Here's a little one to be going on with.
That's no good.
All it is is just a little old toy.
Look, kid, scat.
I got other customers waiting.
How did he get in here? Come on now, you want to be next? I can't wait all day.
You been a good boy? Have you? That's got nothing to do with it.
You're the one looking for Santa Claus.
Ah, can it.
Santa Claus.
Big shot.
What don't you like about Santa Claus? It's old stuff for babies and dopes.
I ain't no dope.
No, you're a wise guy.
Here, do you want one? I don't want that stuff.
I want that.
Yes, well, you can't have that.
That belongs to the store.
What do you mean? If you were Santy Claus, you could give it to me.
I knew all along you was a fake.
Okay.
All right.
That's all, brother.
I'm done.
I wouldn't take another day like that for $1,000, let alone a week for $50.
I got to have a drink.
I'll find somebody I know downtown.
I'm clean, Mac.
Didn't want anything I could reach.
Lucky for our side, I guess.
Good night.
Night.
Okay.
Mr.
Sears, here you are.
Hello.
I just happened to be passing, and I knew you'd be tired.
So I thought I'd save you that long trip on the subway.
Well, I was just It's an ambush.
It's a dirty trick.
This dame is rehabilitating me to death.
We'll be just in time for a good hot dinner at the shelter.
This is the first paddy wagon I ever got into through a side door.
How was it today, Mr.
Sears? I know you've had a hard day.
So trying sometimes, the children, I mean.
What makes you think a bunch of kids are so tough? I can handle anything I want to.
But one day of that is enough.
I hope you exercised discretion.
I mean you didn't forget yourself? No bad language, no incidents.
No, I didn't cuss any of them out and I didn't lay a finger on one of them.
Not that it wouldn't have done them good.
I'm so glad.
You're a very versatile man, Mr.
Sears.
Not many men could have stepped into a job like that requiring so much self-control.
What makes you think I've no self-control? Miss Webster, I'm grinding out self-control by the gallon, all the time.
I've so much self-control, I can't control it.
Yes, of course.
I understand.
I didn't mean I'm sorry you don't like your job, Mr.
Sears.
You are virtually unemployable and I am trying to keep you out of trouble.
You don't have to like it, Mr.
Sears.
Just do it.
You don't have to like me, either, and I don't have to like you.
I've become practiced at self-control myself.
I can get mad sometimes, too.
Maybe there are times when I'd like to give somebody a swift kick.
Mr.
Sears, you've stuck it out beautifully.
You really have.
Just this one more day and then after Christmas we'll find you something more suited to your talents.
I mean, taste.
I'll see you tonight.
Sure, yes.
Goodbye.
Bye.
That's what you think.
I get paid at noon and then it's goodbye to you.
What do you want us to put in your Christmas stocking? I want a stove and a beach ball a horse, and a mother rabbit and a father rabbit.
All right.
Give that to your mother and here's a little gimmick for you.
Merry Christmas.
A teddy bear and a truck - No, wait.
Do you like it? Here.
Sorry, kids.
Santa Claus won't be back till 1:00.
But you must all come back after you've had your lunch because I got to know what you want for Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Here we are.
Merry Christmas, Santy Claus.
Merry Christmas to you, son.
"Dear Mr.
Sears, I know what temptation is "especially at the Christmas season "and feel it most important that I give you moral support "at this critical time.
"I've asked the store to give me your paycheck.
"And I've opened a nice bank account for you.
"Clementine Webster.
" Of all the low-down, double-crossing thieving, cut-throat dirty, underhanded Well, why don't you ask me what I want? What do I care what you want? I want a chemical set and a carpenter kit, and a big electric train and a signal and a switch.
Aren't you going to write it down? I don't need to write it down.
Tell that to your old man the way you told it to me.
Don't I get anything out of your sack? Here, buzz off.
That's all now.
Store's closed.
Merry Christmas.
Well, look who's back.
He's doing all right, though.
Look at them pockets.
If you're not interested in Santa Claus, what are you doing here? Looking around.
Anyhow, I already told you, you ain't Santy Claus.
I ain't? You saw me sitting up there, didn't you? Who do you think I am? Little Boy Blue? Look, Santy Claus is supposed to give kids stuff, ain't he? Well, then? What do you think I've been doing this live-long week? Writing stuff down and- I don't mean writing lists.
I mean give them things, if you're Santy Claus.
Sure I give them things.
Yeah, I know.
That ten-cent stuff in a bag.
That's what I want.
I suppose you wouldn't go for a musical teddy bear? So, you like airplanes? Yeah.
I like them better than anything in the world.
I'm gonna be a pilot someday when I get big.
You might have that, if you stay out of jail.
Now, you see, it's this way- Sure.
Now, you see, it's this way.
I told you- Kid, why don't you shut up for a minute and not be so smart? That's not the way I operate.
I have to get my reindeer out and all that stuff and you have to be in bed asleep.
That old baloney.
What do you mean, baloney? Don't you know that Santa Claus always gives it to you straight? Oh, yeah? Oh, yes.
You mean you're going to give me that? On the level? Yes.
Why not? I'm Santa Claus, ain't I? What's your address? 1065 Tenth Avenue.
Second floor.
All right, beat it.
Hey, wait a minute.
You know you got to be a good boy.
I've been good.
All right.
Let's have it.
Huh? Come on, fork them out.
Now don't you ever do that again.
It gets you no place at all, now, you hear me? Do you hear me? It don't pay at all.
You think they have airplanes in the pokey? You think they'd allow you to drive one if you've even been inside? Well, they won't.
Will it make any difference this time? No, not this time.
But remember what I tell you now.
It's a sucker game.
Here.
Scram.
Yes, sir.
Now what did I go and open me big mouth for? What happens if I don't deliver? He ain't never had nothing.
Like me, when I was a kid.
Maybe if I had ever been given anything, if I hadn't had to steal If only I had me pay.
Sears.
We want you to come to the employees' Christmas party up on the eighth floor.
Get some dinner first at the cafeteria, and then come on up.
You'll enjoy the festivities.
Besides, there'll be a little extra bonus for passing out the favors.
I'll see you up there and tell you what to do.
So long.
Come on, Santa Claus.
It's time to head for the North Pole.
We're going to put you back in cold storage.
I'm not surprised that you broke your parole but couldn't you have done it yesterday or next week? Why pick Christmas Eve to drag me down here? What were you doing? Drinking champagne? That's exactly what I was doing, if you want to know.
Okay.
Book him.
Name? Wait now.
This is a miscarriage of justice.
I'm sure that it is.
I'm sorry, Miss Webster, but I'm afraid it's not.
Sears stole a valuable piece of merchandise from the store in addition to this Santa Claus suit he's wearing.
And he won't tell us where it is, a $50 toy airplane.
A toy airplane, Mr.
Sears? I don't understand.
I gave it to a kid.
I'm Santa Claus, ain't I? And don't any of you creeps try and take it away from him.
Oh, oh, well.
You see, gentlemen.
It's all my fault.
When he went up to pick his money up at noon he found that I had taken it to put it in the bank for him.
This is Christmas Eve, gentlemen, and Santa Claus has to deliver on time.
What a dilemma.
So naturally, he had to charge it, owing to my officiousness.
That sounds just dandy, Miss Webster.
But it's the first I've heard of it and I'm sure it's the first Sears has, too.
Really now, why don't we ask Mr.
Sears? As it happens, I have his money with me as I found the banks closed and was unable to deposit it.
Of course you'd like to pay for the airplane, wouldn't you, Mr.
Sears? Yes.
And he was going to return the Santa Claus suit at his first opportunity.
I don't see that we can assume that.
Who'd want a hot Santa Claus suit? Yes, I'm sure it's much too warm.
I think that takes care of everything, gentlemen.
I feel certain that Sampson & Cole won't want to prosecute.
They have their money and their suit.
There's still the question of whether he broke his parole or not.
Mr.
Chambers, can't you scare up just a little goodwill? Enough to last through tomorrow, anyway.
Well, Sears, she's got me.
You're a little white lamb.
You didn't break your parole at all.
Just bent it a little.
But she's got you, too, old boy.
I'll expect you to be available at the shelter tomorrow.
Merry Christmas.
Miss Webster, I'd like to stand you a drink.
The trouble is I haven't got any money.
You know, Mr.
Sears, you really do look like Santa Claus now.
You've got a twinkle in your eye.
Come home to dinner.
The plum pudding has quite a lot of brandy in it.
You know what I think about you, Miss Webster? I think you're completely rehabilitated.
You know, he ain't such a bad chap after all.
Perhaps his taste in ties has improved.
I think I'll give him one more chance.
Rest ye merry, we'll have you out of there in a jiffy.
And rest ye merry, too.
Good night.