Angel s01e12 Episode Script

You look nice.
- And now I look like the Joker.
- Sorry.
Hopefully, I'm too young and carefree for a coronary.
- Can't you hum when sneaking up on me? - I don't hum.
I'm confused here.
Why is Mrs.
Bensen filed under "P"? It's not a "P," it's an "F.
" Or is it an "R"? Can we be a little less "Young and carefree" with the filing? Oh, it's an "F.
" I remember now.
All right, so why is Mrs.
Bensen filed under "F"? Because she is from France.
- She was such a pain.
- Made me want to drink a lot.
- Well, that's the French for you.
- Hello.
I was just patrolling the area with my new Bavarian fighting ax when I thought, "Perhaps Cordelia's had a vision and needs help battling evil.
" We're evil-free at the moment.
I also packed Word Puzzle 3-D if you have the nerve to take me on.
Wesley, I'd love to, but unlike you, I'm not in my 80s quite yet.
If shaking your booty at the latest club is your idea of a life then call me-- --sick with envy.
Hi, I'm Sarina.
Nice ax.
Oh, no, this old thing.
I-- Wilson almost had phone sex with the manager at Lounge La Brea to get us in.
- How do I look? - Like you always do.
- Wilson's eyes will be glued on you.
- Who's Wilson? - Christopher.
- Christopher Wilson.
- Wilson Christopher.
- The archaeologist from Brandeis? The photographer from L.
A.
Cordelia's been seeing.
Third time's the charm.
And that Hugh Grant thing is starting to work for me.
So you've been seeing someone.
How come I didn't know? I'm ashamed of you.
You'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree.
He could give me the third degree anytime.
You're a sucker for.
- Cordelia, grab that file.
Sorry.
- Not to worry.
Whoopsie.
Lounge La Brea.
Sounds like that could be an evening with all sorts of evening-type-- - I heard the bands-- - There are no bands.
- Which I like.
If it's loud-- - Want to come? Oh, I think I may be busy.
Besides, I don't lounge all that well.
Good one! Oh, yes.
No, he's no lounger, this one.
The good ones are always gay.
Cor, tick-tock.
So that client I'm meeting, what's he like again? Like a big baby hatching from a big egg with really large hands in need of a manicure.
You're meeting him here.
Okay.
Are my girls ready to party? I don't suppose you need help slaying the big baby creature? Not that an evening alone with a word puzzle isn't plenty exhilarating.
Right.
Don't move a muscle.
Demon spawn! Cowards, don't make me thrash it out of you.
Where do you lay your eggs? In the cellar? - Wesley.
- In the bedroom? That's right, termites lay their eggs anywhere, such as next door.
And we fight termites, wherever they may roam.
Sorry about the door.
Look out, Wesley! Duck! You'll pay for that! - That was bracing.
- Yeah.
Baby just hatched.
Wouldn't want to run into him when he grows up and gets his driver's license.
And thank you very much, Cordelia for sending us to the wrong house.
Another five minutes, and that thing would've been loose.
- Well, it all worked out.
- This time.
Maybe we should clean up-- Think a Tahval demon has a big security deposit? I'm sure of it.
Well, it's not my place, Cordelia works for you but she's not doing her duty lately.
She's dealing with a lot.
Doyle's death, visions, youth.
- She's finding her way in the world.
- We're not in the world.
- Demon hunters have a higher calling.
- You.
I'm very fond of Cordelia.
- But she's gad-abouting with doxies-- - I think they liked you.
Really? I didn't mean "doxy" in the sexually promiscuous sense, exactly.
- You don't think the ax put them off? - That was charming.
- The fact they think we're gay? - Adds mystery.
- Here.
- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.
- I won't.
But I'll tip for it.
Jason, moola.
Thanks.
I'm not saying it was worthy of a kiss.
I'm bored.
Emily, do you know what it takes to get in here? - Still bored.
- Well, Cordy's not.
So you left Sunnydale and came to L.
A.
What was that like? Skydiving without a parachute.
Except for the "smashing your body to bits" part.
No, it was like that too.
And the guy who's supposed to be here - The guy? - with the bag of fame and fortune.
- Oh, that guy.
- So, what happened to him? He comes and goes.
He's sort of fleeting that way.
If you see him, tell him to fleet my way.
- Thank you.
- For what? For making me not hate dating.
Sarina's really something.
I'm gonna send her flowers.
For introducing you to me.
I knew that.
God, for the first time I like L.
A.
In high school, I knew my place.
It was a haughty place.
- Maybe I was a tad shallow.
- Nobody feels like they belong here.
The point of L.
A.
is to make you feel as insecure as possible.
You don't feel that way.
Sure I do.
You're doing what you came to do.
You're photographing all these gorgeous, famous people.
- Where's the insecure? - In the pictures.
Which are further proof that everyone has a real life except me.
I'm the guy behind the camera, recording life, not living it each and every moment.
- Like you.
- Wow, I'm living life? Look at me.
Look at you.
Well, here we are.
Thank you for the club and for driving me home and listening to my entire life story.
I may have left out a few weeks in early 1987, but-- I had a great time, and you didn't talk too much.
- I want to know everything about you.
- Me too.
I mean, about you, not-- Because I already know about me-- Call you tomorrow? - You don't have to-- - Call you? --go home.
I mean, right away.
It's still early in Australia.
Will you come in? Nice.
Compared to my old apartment, it's Buckingham Palace.
You live alone, right? In the sense that I'm the only one here that's actually alive.
That was a yes, I think.
Wiring.
Old buildings.
Well, no worries.
Besides, I like looking at you.
Look, the truth is that my dating game skills are kind of rusty.
You're the first person I've had over in a long-- Well, ever.
So I'm open to suggestions.
Music? Right.
Music.
Hey, that's some jaunty polka.
Oh, I know, I know.
The wiring.
- How about tea? - That'd be great.
Okay.
All right, Dennis, knock it off! This is the one guy I've actually liked in a long time and if you keep killing the mood, I'll kill you! All right, empty threat, you being a ghost and already dead and all.
But I'll do something worse.
I'll play Evita around the clock.
- The one with Madonna! - Who are you talking to? My ghost.
I have a ghost.
He's jealous.
Kidding.
The apartment's great, but things are always breaking and I have no one to complain to.
So just to keep myself company I talk to myself.
Wilson? Somebody's gonna be late for work.
- What time is it? - 12:15.
I left two messages.
She should have called back.
Maybe she unplugged her phone or slept somewhere else.
Well, I guess we should.
Break open her door and trespass.
Cordelia? I'm getting a bad feeling here.
- I thought it was just me.
- This isn't like her.
Avoiding her responsibilities? Lately, it seems quite like her.
I'm sure it'll all work out once we-- Mother of God.
- Angel? - It's all right.
We're here.
I'm ready to wake up now.
I don't seem to be waking up.
- Help me.
- We will.
What do you remember? We went to the club.
Wilson and I just sort of hid out on this couch and we talked and talked and then he drove me home.
And I asked him in.
He was really nice.
And we-- You know.
It was normal.
He was normal.
And it was safe.
It was all really safe.
It's okay.
Have you talked to Wilson? No.
I haven't talked to anyone.
What would I say to him? "I had a really great time.
I think you left something at my place.
" This isn't right.
What's happening to you, he may have some answers.
- I can't.
- Dial his number and I'll talk to him.
Oh, God.
I'm being punished.
You're certainly not being punished.
This is-- We'll get to the bottom of it.
This number has been disconnected, there's no new number, He's not answering right now.
I want you to rest.
We're gonna handle this.
You're not alone.
That's sort of the problem, isn't it? Could you just leave me alone for now? We'll be right outside.
- Thanks.
- Any luck with your contact? His phones are disconnected no unlisted numbers, forwarding addresses or record.
That's something.
I'm guessing it's some procrea-parasitic demon.
A demon who can only reproduce by implanting a human with its seed.
Yes, I've heard of such entities.
The human mothers-- Rarely live.
Ones who do, wish they hadn't.
She could give birth at any moment.
- You'll have to see what's inside her.
- Pardon me? - Prenatal exam.
- Oh, of course.
What about you? I'm gonna find Daddy.
- I didn't see you.
- I get that a lot.
- What can I get you? - I need some help.
- I'm busy.
- I won't take much of your time.
My friend Cordelia was here.
Big smile, really pretty? We get a lot of that in here.
- What's this? - Probably an insult.
You're always serving jerks who think they can buy anything, right? Yeah.
One of those jerks hurt my friend.
I need to find him fast.
- Who was it? - Wilson Christopher.
Where do he and his friends hang? - Wherever Sarina tells them to.
- Sarina.
- Yeah.
You know her? - Yeah.
They're a pack.
Guys with money, girls with pretty.
The girls decide what club's hot, and Sarina rules the girls.
- Thanks.
- You the boyfriend? No.
I'm family.
Do you know what it is? Boy or girl? Shouldn't be long.
I told them it was rather urgent.
- You're carrying low.
I bet it's-- - Shut up! Don't touch me! You're, what, eight and a half months along? Feels like only yesterday.
You left a lot of blanks on the information form.
Who's your previous doctor? - You're the only doctor we've seen-- - In California.
We just moved here from England.
Lovely country.
So, how are you feeling? I'm as big as a house, everything hurts, I-- That's all normal.
Once your little one comes out you'll feel a lot better.
God, it's a nightmare.
Hormones.
Mrs.
Penborn, why don't you lie back? We'll see what's baking in the oven.
Have you chosen a name yet? It's the hardest part for many.
- Looks like somebody is having twins.
- Twins?! No, there's a third heartbeat.
- There is another one.
- Five.
Six.
Oh, my God.
What is it? What's wrong? I'm sure it's nothing.
But I'd like to withdraw a little amniotic fluid just to make sure everything is shipshape.
So, nurse, if you would prep Mrs.
Penborn right away? - Sarina? - Just leave it outside.
Sarina, it's Angel, Cordelia's friend.
Can I come in? Okay.
Sarina? Sarina? The light hurts my eyes lately.
- I know the feeling.
- I thought you were the liquor store.
I'm almost dry.
I know what you're thinking.
I shouldn't, right? It'll hurt the baby? I hope.
There's a O.
5% chance of miscarriage from the procedure.
- Now, it's a very small risk-- - I'll take it.
You'll feel a pinch.
Count backwards from five and we'll be done.
Five, four three, two, one.
One.
One.
One! All done.
That wasn't too bad, was it? Now, we'll just run a few tests-- Dr.
Wasserman? This is.
Excuse me.
You saw what's inside of me? - I think we should find Angel.
- Wesley, please just tell me! Do they look healthy? It's like it's not real.
But it is.
Right? It's really happening? It's real.
It's happening to Cordelia too.
Oh, God.
I can't reach Jason.
He's gone.
So is Wilson.
- I didn't know this would happen.
- But you knew something.
I knew the guys, Jason and Nick and then Wilson wanted to meet Cordelia.
I don't know.
I knew something wasn't right.
Their money.
- What about their money? - It's stupid.
It kind of smelled.
I mean, really smelled.
Sometimes the guys were like jumpy.
But this town-- You know.
Everything's fake.
Things are weird and you stop asking questions.
You sure this is happening? Do you have someone you can call? - Like who? - Family.
No.
No one.
The guys seemed like they liked that.
Wilson asked about Cordelia.
I said she didn't have anyone either.
Sarina, where can I find-- It'll all work out.
Everything's going to be fine.
- I know it will be.
- There's a brave girl.
I'm sure Angel won't mind if you rest in here.
Just relax, get comfortable.
Well, as comfortable as is possible, at any rate.
Should you need anything, anything at all - then I'll just-- - You're afraid.
- What? - You're afraid of what's inside of me.
You think it's horrible.
You think I won't be able to handle it.
That if I find out, I'll do something bad.
Cordelia, the truth is I haven't yet formulated a theory.
I need time to analyze the ultrasound and weigh the data.
When there's anything-- There's seven of them.
There's seven of his children growing inside of me.
They're talking to me.
They're talking all at once.
I can't understand.
I know how difficult this must be for you-- No! - You don't know.
- All right.
You don't know what it's like to be a partner in creation.
I just meant-- - Wesley.
- Yes? They're not human.
- I imagine that's true.
- But, that could be okay, right? I mean, look at Angel.
He's not human.
And Doyle, he wasn't either.
I mean, not totally.
He was good.
- Any luck locating Wilson? - Not yet.
But I did find Sarina.
She's a victim too.
As big as Cordelia.
Wilson's rich pals are in on it.
- Who knows how many are pregnant? - It's worse.
The ultrasound results.
Seven heartbeats, maybe more.
With multiple pregnancies-- - Someone's raising an army.
- Of what? We need to find the demon fathers.
Gun clubs? Guns can kill them? I say, that makes it easier.
Sarina said they hang out at some private gun club, Guns and Cigars.
Find the species and we may find a way to terminate this without hurting her.
And if we can't? Find out what to do once they're born.
Yes, well, it mustn't come to that.
The odds of her even surviving are-- I never realized just how disgusting that was.
Get her back to bed.
And maybe order her a pizza or something.
Good idea.
I was hungry.
Shouldn't sneak up like that in here.
Accidents happen.
Speaking of accidents, I'm a friend of Cordelia Chase.
This is a private club.
Featured word: "Private.
" You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass.
Featured word: "Ass.
" Angel, right? Her boss? She told me all about you.
Somehow, I doubt that.
You're human.
Then you can't be the father.
You and your friends are just a link.
How does it work? Those things come to term, she'll die, you know that? - So? I'm not telling you anything.
- I was so hoping you'd say that.
Hey! Someone's mommy didn't teach him to play nice.
You have no idea what you're dealing with.
Yeesh.
That's him, isn't it? I'd ask that you not overreact.
Keep in mind that oft times these 16th-century engravers tended to exaggerate.
It seems dire, but now that we've identified the species there's every chance we'll stop what's happening to you.
That's right.
We mustn't lose hope.
You won't hurt my babies.
No one's gonna hurt my babies.
I'm getting the big picture.
You proxy for Big Daddy Demon.
You implant his life force in these women.
He has trouble finding dates.
We just help him out a little.
- Shut up, Jason.
- You get money and success in return.
How else would losers like you get ahead? You'd have to become surrogates for a vile demon.
Well, mostly, I do it for the sex.
Welcome to L.
A.
There are worse things to be in business with.
Where is this demon you worship? Even if we told, it wouldn't matter since you're gonna have an accident.
I really don't like it when people shoot me.
Now you'll tell me what I need to know.
- Hello? - Yeah, Wesley, it's Angel.
- Thank God.
- I found Wilson, What Cordelia's carrying, he's not the father.
I know.
It's a Hacksaw beast, an inner-earth demon.
Oh, this is all my fault, - How's that your fault? - She ran off.
I tried to stop her.
She became insanely protective when I identified the father of her-- - I fear she may have gone to meet it.
- She has.
Miliken Industrial Park.
- That's where its shrine is.
- How does Cordelia know? She's telepathically controlled by it through its unborn, A psychic umbilical cord, The Hacksaw's telepathy's sustaining its unborn spawn.
We have to cut the cord.
We slay this demon and poof! No more evil pregnancies.
Good, we can end this without harming the women.
- There's just one tiny problem.
- What's that? I don't wish to use the words "impossible to kill" but fire won't kill it, decapitation won't and it's really huge.
- Wesley, can you shoot straight? - Beg your pardon? Cordelia.
Come out of there this instant.
All of you, please.
- We don't expect you to understand.
- I understand.
You'll die unless you come with me.
That's the vilest smell I've ever had the displeasure of inhaling.
- Don't make me come after you.
- We serve our master.
Please come before-- Who is the interloper? To think you could disturb the birth of my children? Who are you? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, rogue demon hunter.
I'm here to fight you, sir, to the death.
Preferably yours.
You? As a heathen you don't know the biblical story of David and Goliath.
I assure you it's particularly relevant to this situation.
You said you came here to do battle.
Then let's fight and be done.
Yes, well as a point of courtesy I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat.
Do you have any hobbies? Enough talk.
I'll come to you.
Sorry I'm late to the baby shower.
Brought a gift.
I really hate dating.
I got magazines for when she comes back.
Excuse me, I did just neaten this up for her.
Cordelia.
Hi.
You look great.
- Marvelous! - You didn't have to come in so soon.
If you need more time, he can manage.
I've helped out a bit-- Someone forgot to close the filter again.
- If you're ready to come back.
- I'm fine.
I had a great audition for Max Crax, the crackers.
Terrific.
Because a cracker's something everyone can-- - Eat.
- Eat.
This producer is so nice.
He said I'm his first choice.
We're having dinner tonight.
Tonight? Best to get back on the horse.
If he seems-- He is so sweet.
All I have to do is let him impregnate me with his demon seed and I've got the part.
Guys, I appreciate all the concern, but I'm okay.
I got through the ordeal.
I'm a lot stronger than those loser demon surrogates thought.
I'm starting to learn that.
I learned something too.
I learned men are evil.
Wait I knew that.
I learned that L.
A.
is full of self-serving phonies.
No, had that one down too.
- Sex is bad? - We all knew that.
Okay.
I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life.
And that part's new.
Some allergies.