Brothers (2009) s01e12 Episode Script

Man, what's wrong with you? I got some kind of rash.
It's driving me crazy.
I told you we shouldn't have went to Spanky's.
Ah, there you are.
Hey.
Hey, mama.
Have I got a girl for you.
No! No! I'm talking to Chill.
Good.
No.
Why not? You're not dating anybody.
Nobody's getting any younger.
Her name's Jenny Slater.
I think she's perfect for you.
Jenny Slater? She sounds like a Flintstone.
Stay out of it, Michael.
Pause the game, Mike.
Mama, I appreciate that you care about me, But no man alive want to date a woman His mama want him to date.
Hey, you remember the last time mama sent you on a date? Yeah, it was one of your church members.
Man, we stayed up all night praying, And I didn't get what I was praying for.
That's because she was a good girl.
Yeah, that's exactly what every man wants.
A mama-approved good girl.
Ally on Friday night.
Michael Jeteranomy Trainor, I'm gonna tell you 1 more time, Stay out of this.
Ok, mama.
Mama, listen.
I don't think you and I agree on what's attractive.
What are you talking about? Well, it's kinda like how you think Maya angelou is a handsome woman.
She is a phenomenal woman.
That's not what I'm looking for, mama.
He's looking for a phenomenal ass.
You are a phenomenal ass.
Oh, come on.
Won't you just meet her? Is that too much to ask? All right, mama.
Just tell her to come down to the restaurant.
I will.
Oh, I think you 2 are perfect for each other.
Now, where'd you meet her? She's a social worker.
She helps some of the kids at school.
Ooh.
Social worker.
They're always hot.
You will die alone.
We need to talk.
About what? About what happens after I turn Little junior here loose on the world.
Give that a rub, will you, tiger? Well, we assumed you'd take a maternity leave.
Oh, good.
Yeah, that would be helpful.
Well, how much time will you need? Can you spare me for lunch? All you need is 1 afternoon off? Oh, hey.
This is not the first ball out the return chute.
It's not the first bullet out the revolver.
Not the first horse out the stables.
This is not the first pher out the hole.
Is ok, ok.
I get it.
Look, I'm just saying I'll be ready.
But I may need to bring little guy to work with me for a while.
Jolene, I don't know about a baby in the bar.
Hey, this baby was conceived on a mechanical bull.
I think he'll feel right at home in a bar.
Well, I suppose we could set up A nursery in the office.
Ha! There you go.
You can fire all the busboys, can bring and dishwashers.
Let's just start with the baby.
Ok.
Oh, but hey, if you don't want me to miss lunch, You know, I can just have the baby right here.
We can manage without you.
Suit yourself.
But at Spanky's, they charged admission.
The way that my daughter dresses at school Is none of your business.
It becomes our business When we can see her business.
I picked her outfit out.
You have a lovely daughter, But we have a dress code and I will enforce it.
Well, I think she looks fine.
It's an appropriate outfit.
R a pole, maybe.
For school, no.
My class is not a panty-free zone.
Oh! N, Leslie.
We're out here.
As the saying goes, a chip off the old ho.
I was thinking exactly the same thing.
I was just afraid tos ay it.
If my mother caught me in an outfit like that, She'd kill me.
My sister wore an outfit like that.
My mother actually did kill he Really? No, but my sister wished she was dead.
You remind me of my little sister.
Except you don't get on my nerves.
You know, we still have time before the staff meeting.
You to grab some coffee? We can catch up on our old gossip.
Absolutely.
You're good to dish with Because you have access to all the personnel files.
So, the volleyball Coach.
Was she Brad before she was Brenda? No.
Ralph.
I knew it.
You know who's really hot? Who? The football Coach.
Stop bragging.
Oh, I just gotta say, The man's got a butt like an adonis.
Great.
I get to go home to my cat.
You ought to get out more, Gloria.
You should come by for coffee.
I'd love to show you the house.
That would be great.
I would love to.
Good.
And maybe I can get Coach to wear his shorts.
Sold.
So, she agreed that I was a hottie, huh? Yes, she did.
Ha ha! Did you brag about my butt? You kn I did.
That's my secret weapon.
"salute.
" I also fixed Chill up with a girl I met through school.
Not Gloria? No, Gloria's my friend, And I wouldn't fix her up with my son.
Why not, baby? Just wouldn't work.
Besides, this girl Jenny, she's great.
Wait till you see her, you'll see what I mean.
If it goes that far.
Oh, look.
Don't make any plans for Wednesday night.
This is intriguing.
Why not? Because from now on, Wednesday night is date night.
Go on with your bad self.
See, I knew you'd like it.
Look, Wednesday night, We are going to the theater.
Oh, this is getting better and better.
What are we going to see? We're going to see "wicked.
" You're aware "wicked" is a musical, right? Baby, I love musicals.
"dreamgirls" was a perfect evening in the theater.
I don't give an [indistinct.]
what anybody says.
Ha ha! Well.
I'm happy about this entire situation.
Baby, I'm happy that you're happy.
So, where did this all come from? Where all good things come from.
Obama.
Oba? Yeah.
If he can make time for the date night Then so can I.
Now, you see, That's what I call a stimulus plan.
That's nice.
Hey.
Your blind date's here.
Where's she at? Right over there.
That's Jenny.
Wow, she's cute.
I know.
I told her she could be headlining over at Spanky's, But, unfortunately, she's got "morals" and Hey, man.
You know her, too? Yep, she my social worker.
Not to be mistaken with my parole officer.
He's in the John.
Now, work your magic.
Well, hello.
Hello yourself.
You must be Chill.
Ha! How'd you recognize me? Your mom said, "look for the handsomest guy in the room.
" And then, Jolene said, "look down.
" I'm kidding.
I have a tendency to use humor to diffuse tension.
Well, there's no need to be tense.
You know, I was hesitant about going out on a blind date.
Especially when the guy is recommended By both his mother and a convicted felon.
Well, I'm glad you did.
Well, I love your mom.
And Jolene passed the drug and lie detector tests, So, here I am.
Cool.
I'd ask you to have a seat, But I see you brought your own.
Oh, I assumed you knew about this.
Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you.
Oh, no.
This is how I roll.
Literally.
All right.
I like your style, Chill.
Well, I like yours, too.
Hey, how about we roll out to the movies? I like it.
Cool.
Let's do it.
Jolene, we're out of here.
On my way.
Jolene, I got my own chair.
What are you doing? This one's mine.
This doesn't bother you, right? Kinda.
No, I have a tendency to use humor To diffuse tension.
Come on, girl.
Let's go.
You full of surprises.
And it's important to work the little muscles, too.
Gaps.
Like your brain.
Chill! We a dying to know How your blind date went with Jenny.
Well, the girl wasn't blind.
She was physically challenged.
But she was a nice girl.
I would think you've a lot in common.
Yeah, bein' that we're both so pretty.
Yes! Oh, come on! Spill the beans.
Was it kismet? Well, I mean, no, not yet.
I mean, we both had a lot in common, But you'd be surprised how little we had to say After we both agreed on wd-40.
Oh! But it was fun.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, Mike.
Ooh, and hello, beautiful stranger.
Oh, please.
Gloria, this is my other son Mike.
The needy son.
Mike, this is Gloria, My colleague from school.
Mine too.
Nice to meet you, Gloria.
The pleasure's all mine.
And what subject do you teach? Go ahead, Mike.
Speak that french, baby.
Spit it.
All right.
"voulez vous coucher avec moi ce sois?" Oh, dear.
You have no idea what you just said, do you? He doesn't have a clue.
Is it dirty? It can be.
Hello? You know, well, it's the only french I know Outside of "mocha cholata ya ya.
" That is not french.
That's how Patti Labelle orders coffee.
Well, it is cute.
No, cute is my middle name.
Oh, I'm about to be sick.
I'm sorry.
I got distracted.
Adelle, you have some good-looking men in your family.
And one of them has a great Booty.
Ok, come on, Gloria.
I'll show you around.
It was nice meeting you.
And I hope we meet again.
Let's make it happen.
All right.
Come on.
We'll start upstairs With my walk-in closets.
And Coach's shelf.
Oh! You know what I have to say to you, right? What? Ha! Ha! The greatest thing happened.
What? Mike called and asked me out.
Oh, really? You're ok with that, right? Oh, why, of course I am.
Absolutely.
Why wouldn't I be? Yore an adult.
He's an adult.
That could have been awkward.
I'm glad you're ok with it.
Yeah.
Cool as an arctic breeze.
He's just so charming.
Oh, he got that from me.
And funny.
Me.
And good-looking.
Holla.
Oh! You should be proud, Adelle.
You've got 2 fine sons, With an emphasis on "fine.
" I know.
Here's a crazy thought.
Wouldn't it be funny if I ended up as your daughter-in-law? That is hilarious! Mom! Ha ha! Too soon.
Gotcha.
Hey, baby.
Marcel.
What are you doing here? Well, this is a pre-date.
I brought you a romantic lunch.
You never cease to surprise me, marcel.
Allow me to drop the linen And let's start sinnin'.
You are so silly! You want me to stop? No.
Ok.
Did you hear Mike asked out Gloria? Uh, no.
She's my friend.
Yeah, so what? I don't know.
Just crosses some kind of invisible line.
I mean, I didn't date Tiki Barber When Mike was in New York.
That's because you were married to me, Adelle.
That's beside the point.
Look, baby, I made you a fantastic picnic.
Ham or turkey? Turkey.
Mmm.
And I really do like Gloria.
Yeah, but you can't like her if she's dating Mike? Well, it raises a bunch of uncomfortable questions.
Yeah, like what? Ha ha! Well, I know she's good enough for me, But is she good enough for him? Well, nobody has been yet.
Exactly.
Adelle.
I didn't go to all this effort To talk about Gloria and Mike.
Ohh! You know, Ever since the boys came home, We haven't been able to have one of our naked dinners.
I do miss those.
Oh, yeah, so, I'm gonna pull the blinds.
We are gonna take off a few items of clothing.
And sit here and eat this stuff.
How does that sound? Delicious.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Oh, baby.
Whoo! Boy, you got some moves.
Oh, yeah.
I just don't sit on my ass.
I can shake it, too, girl.
Watch out now.
You want something to drink? Sure, I worked up a thirst.
Jolene! Oh.
Here y'all go.
Thank you.
Ha ha ha! So, can I keep my kids now? We'll see.
Ok.
Step it up, Chill.
Wow.
So, what do you think? Are we gonna go out again Or just roll off into the sunset? Well, so far, so good, right? Right.
All right.
So, what happened? Car accident.
You? Motorcycle.
10 years ago.
Wait, get out of here.
Hey! My car hit a motorcycle.
Shut up! Ha ha! That'd be a hell of a coincidence, wouldn't it? Oh, wow.
You know, I think we should stick to dancing.
We seem to communicate better physically.
Jolene! Yo.
Music, please! Do I look like dolomite? Excuse me? Do I look like iceberg slam? Do I look like bishop dodd? Magic wand? Do I look like a pimp to you? No.
Well, how do you know so many pimps? I work at a high school.
I'm a fan of blacksploitation movies.
Don't change the subject.
Do you think it is my function To procure women for you? I'm not entirely opposed to the concept.
Well, I am.
Why don't you stay away from my friends? Ohh.
You're telling me I can't go out with Gloria Because you 2 are friends? Yes, I am.
Why not? Because it's messy.
I like Gloria And I know your track record with women.
You use them, then you throw them away, And I don't want you dumping Gloria, Then I have to pick up the pieces, As well as her yearbook responsibilities.
Wait a second.
Aren't you the same person Who hooked Chill up with your social worker friend? She was not a friend.
She was an acquaintance.
What if he dumps her? It's none of my business.
Mama, that's not fair.
Mothers don't have to be fair.
Mike, I have told you all your life What you can and cannot touch.
Leave Gloria alone.
Well, she's already agreed to go out with me, mama.
And I tell you what, I think we'd hit it off.
No, you just wanna hit it.
That's not true.
I wanna spend quality time with her, mama.
I wanna get to know her fears, her hopes and her dreams.
I wanna find out the essence of who she is as a woman.
And then I wanna hit it.
Mike, there are billions of women in the world.
Pick one that I don't hang with.
This is the first time I've ever argued over a woman With my mom.
Yeah, and it'd better be the last time.
Well, I'm sorry, mama.
I'm a grown man.
She's a grown woman.
We're gonna get together, We're gonna do grown people stuff.
Fine, but when it goes terribly wrong, And you know it will, You owe me a friend.
Well, maybe you should get some ugly friends.
Hey, which one should I wear? Tan or maroon? Oh, tan says, "I'm cool, calm and collected.
" Maroon says, "baby, jump my bones.
I'm on fire.
" So, which one? Maroon! Ok, tan.
Well, I don't know about you, But I got on the perfect shirt.
Mine's got snaps, so she can just rip it off.
Ohh.
So, I guess things are going pretty good With you and Jenny.
Oh, man, I don't know.
Everybody thinks just because we both use wheelchairs That we're a match made in heaven.
That's not the case, man.
That's not where the rubber meets the road.
No, I hear you.
Can you believe mama's trippin' Because I'm going out with Gloria? Yeah, because she know after you date Gloria, She gonna quit the school, Move to the alps and start yodeling.
That only happened once.
Well, I don't know about you, But my mojo's working fine and I look good.
Hey, you do look good.
How do I look? You look good, man.
Watch out, ladies.
The Trainor brothers are on the prowl.
Houston, you're about to have a problem.
Ha! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Hey, yeah, let me ask you.
You think we're having a good time, man? Yeah, but I think it's test time.
Ok.
What's your favorite color? Red.
Blue.
Chinese food? French food.
Tyra.
Ellen.
Yankees.
Red Sox.
Beer.
Wine.
Cat.
Dog.
Damn! Yeah, damn.
Dave? Conan.
Damn.
Yeah.
Bottom.
Mmm.
Bottom Oh, well.
There's always the other "f" word.
"friends?" ye, fries.
Yeah.
Lakers.
Celtics.
Damn! Celtic really? Did I just talk myself out of a sakner? No, I'll feed you.
But ain't no Celtic fan Gonna get all this chocolatey deliciousness.
3 of my students are national merit scholars.
And I can't tell you Hey, Mike, Mike.
Hey, Mike.
Can I get a picture with you, man? Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Hey, Gloria, take this for us? Fine.
It's only the fifth one tonight.
Thanks, Mike.
You know, so, you were saying what? Merit badges? Kids? Cookies? Never mind.
Ahem.
Anyway, you must've been A really big deal with this football.
You don't know about me? Yeah, sure.
Uh, Adelle told me you played football, But I don't really follow the sport.
Oh, you're missing out.
You know what? It's like human chess With a lot of blood and concussions.
It's actually pretty cool.
Sounds barbaric.
Mike? Oh, you're even better looking in person.
Can I have your autograph? Oh, sure.
Ok, this is just too much.
You know, you're right.
You know, if you don't mind, I'm on a date.
It's really inappropriate to come up to somebody When they're eating and on a date And ask you for an autograph.
Sorry.
Come back in an hour.
All right? Hey, autograph girl.
Yeah, I would.
See what I mean? What are you 2 guys doing here? I thought you had dates? They were more like disasters.
Oh, no.
You know, I knew you'd mess up, but Chill.
That girl was perfect.
Mama, it didn't work out.
Why didn't it work out? That girl was sophisticated, Educated and classy.
Because she was sophisticated, educated and classy.
I'm an ass man, And I couldn't see hers.
Hey, could you imagine what a tragedy it would be If you couldn't see my Shut up.
Now, you 2 are ridiculous.
Do you realize, while you're calling us ridiculous You're wearing a witch hat? Oh, don't change the subject.
I am never gonna fix you up again.
And you Stay away from my friends.
Deal.
Deal.
Deal.
Shoot, they are never gonna leave this house.
So, it was a total catastrophe, huh? Well, not really.
Tomorrow night, I'm going out with Jenny.
And I' going out with Gloria.
And I'm not saying a word to your mother.
Yeah! Action.
I knew you'd mess up.
And Chill, what went wrong? That girl was perfect.
Mama, I'm sorry.
It didn't work out.
Why didn't it work out? That girl was educated, sophisticated and classy.
It didn't work because she was Educated, sophisticated and classy.
Besides, I'm an ass girl.
I Don't break it to us.
Don't break it to us.
I ain't gonna break it.
Oh, come on.
Spill the beans.
Was it kismet? Well, no, not yet.
I mean, we both had a lot in common, But you would be surprised how littleblah.
I meanno.
I mean, no, not yet.
I mean, we both had a lot in common, But you'd be so prize how so ha! Prize.
But, no, I meanI mean.
I mean, I mean.