Carpoolers (2007) s01e12 Episode Script

Marmaduke,you look like the president of the united states.
And that would make you my first mother,which you are.
Good luck.
Good-bye.
Oh,no.
He's heading over here like he's gonna get in.
what? he's too big.
It'll never work! lock the doors.
Lock the doors right now.
Good morning,fellas.
Another day,another dollar.
something's wrong with your.
We're making him mad! Hey,guys,marmaduke's got a meeting at the bank.
He's gonna ride in with us.
Uh,is he applying for a job? No,I'm gonna buy some sheep.
He never disappoints.
I call hump! hey,dougie,can you skooch forward a little bit? Uh,sure-- aah! Small space.
So what are you guys thinking about for music? Is "pet sounds" okay? Oh,this is my favorite beach boys album.
who's that? these are actual animal sounds! There's a really good chicken solo coming up.
Proudly Presents Carpoolers Season 1 Episode 12 I will ride go get 'em,marm.
I am proud of you,you know? This is big.
I mean,you're going up to a bank to ask for a loan for the first time.
The next thing you know, you're moving out of the house, eating food that you paid for,right? - Good luck.
- Okay.
Dad,stop.
Um,I'm kind of a bale of nerves right now.
Son,it's normal toe nervous,all right? - All right? - Okay.
Dad,um,would you come with me? It would mean a lot to me.
You-- you wouldn't have to do much.
You know,I'd do most of the talking.
All you'd have to do is st signal me if my fly's down by rubbing your eyes,you know? Oh,already? No,no,no,no,no,no.
I was--I was.
false alarm.
A little trigger-happy.
A-all right.
- Yeah? - Okay.
We'll work out a signal-- maybe I'll scratch my head or-- yeah.
Gentlemen,the planet is dying, and some very smart people are gonna make money off of it, but I propose why not make some green by going green? Shall we? Well,what are we looking at there? Son,your,uh,briefcase is filled with grass.
I know.
It's a visual.
Sheep can eat this much grass in four minutes.
I propose that I get a midsized flock of sheep to act as a lawn mowing service in hillridge-- economically and environmentally friendly.
And then,gentlemen,I will make enough money to fill this briefcase.
with money.
And you can have some,too.
Well,it sounds interesting.
great.
So where do I sign? Son.
it's okay.
You know,it's not that simple.
No,actually,it is.
Uh,we just need a signature.
Certainly.
No,no,no,no.
Your father'S.
- okay.
- M-me? Yes.
Why else did you think you were here? As support for my son-- support in a manner that is-- where there's no money involved.
Well,do you think we lend money to people who don't have any? no,we're a bank.
A bank.
Now this is a high-risk venture, and your son has no collateral,so here we go.
You have collateral.
You have a house.
That we live in and want to continue living-- so no.
No.
son I'm trying to help my son stand on his own.
That's the point here.
So you just said no? Yeah! Man,that is cold.
come on! You guys would have signed that loan? It doesn't matter what we would have don you're his dad.
Look,you told him you liked his idea.
You gotta be honest with your kids,unless they're overweight.
Then you let the school handle it.
Give marm a break.
He's 22 years old.
When I was his age, I was backpacking through europe catching every disease a man can catch and still live.
I was in an earth,wind & fire tribute band-- soil,breeze and embers.
good times,brother kids that age--gotta let 'em go for their crazy dreams, reach for the stars.
Hey,dougie,where were you when you were 22 years old? I am 22.
Okay.
I see.
what a dork.
not everyone has to be diseased to be interesting.
bo-ring nerd! I'm 22 years old,and I've never had a wild phase.
Arwe dull? Why would you say that? King me,sucka.
Dougie,what are you doing? I don't know,but it feels good.
But I have to pick those up.
Yep.
Wait.
Just wait.
- yeah.
- No.
honey,what was I supposed to do? All right?Sign our house over to the bank? It's not that.
You don't take our son seriously.
Honey,I do,but as soon as I hear.
"father,i have a scheme that will drown us in a fountain of wealth" I tune out.
Click.
my ears stop hearing.
Tell your ears I'm leaving.
Oh,marm,you--you weren't supposed to hear that.
What?Where are you going? Somewhere where I'm appreciated.
A place called.
america.
What? Oh,where will I be by this time tomorrow? I could be in chicago eating bacon and eggs with dangerous men.
Or maybe I'll be umpiring a little league game,the strike zone fair and true.
Hell,mother,I might even be dead.
but wherever I am,at least I'll be.
alive Just some things to get me started.
Mother,always remember the good times.
And,father,always remember this image.
did heake the butter dish? well,well,well.
It appears we're alone.
No kidding.
I was awake all night worrying about marmaduke.
That's terrible.
It's a dark day,right? Wait a minute.
Is that a woman's robe? Maybe.
What do you think of that? Do you think you think we were going to no.
Just.
trying it out.
It'd be,you know,incredibly insensitive.
It's,uh.
and inappropriate.
Unless you,you know, wanted to take your top off or.
take your top off.
Do you even care that our son's gone? I-I do care! It's just that I understand also that that this could be a very good experience for him as well as for us.
- He's a kid! - He's a man.
He's 22! He's a man,all right? Listen,he's gonna go out in the world.
You gotta be prepared for that,honey.
It's time.
Going out in the world is what men do.
I'm calling him.
I mean,he could have joined a cult by now, or even worse-- renaissance fair.
There's no way he'd do that twice.
what--did you-- did you hear that? That's marmaduke's phone.
- It'S.
- close by right over there.
Is he at laird's house? more frittata,laird? Absolutely.
It's a poem.
I'm gonna give you a piece of advice I wish my father gave me.
If you can cook,you can get a job anywhere in the world.
You know what?I'm with you.
I'm filled with the spirit of adventure.
marmaduke? Wh-wh-what are you doing here? Hello,mother.
Do come in.
Father,time has not been kind to you.
I thought you were getting lost in america! Last time I checked,father, laird lives in america.
He was born here,he lives here,and he'll die here.
probably from a heart attack,I'm guessing.
Thanks for letting marmaduke stay here with you.
Yeah,thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Actually,it's been a blast.
It's like having a son thout having to go through that boring part of raising him.
Father/son handshake! all right,all right.
I get what's going on here.
I see it.
Your coming across the street-- oh,make dad feeall bad because he didn't mortgage ue no hipotec? su casa the house to buy some stupid sheep.
I'm not wrong! You're wrong.
You are! No,you're wrong.
- You are! - You are! Hey,hey,hey.
We have rules in this house.
I'm turning into my father.
stop it! A kite is like a lady-- sexy,spirited and completely irrational.
Now go,go,go,go,go! There you go! Let her out easy! Give her love,but don't let her know where you live! There you go,marm! You're doing it! How's america? Sarcasm noted,process amplified and refracted back to you.
I'm teaching him to fly a kite.
Yeah,I taught him that when he was 4.
But not with any flair.
Sparta! what's goin' on? Dougieyour car is on fire! Figure I'm going through this wild phase, might as well go full-tilt bozo on this puppy.
Maquina.
How much it cost to paint the flames on? Painted?On my leased car? No,no.
It's--it's a magnet.
So.
not a scratch.
I'd,uh.
my apologies.
The kite distracted me.
Speaking of hot wheels,when I was in soil,breeze and embers, we had a mural painted on the side of our tour bus-- naked ladies sittin' on gold bricks! I can't imagine you leading that life.
Eh,neither can I.
Doesn't matter now.
I mean,now I have a family.
That's fun.
Mortgage? That's a blast.
Can't afford to travel.
Good times.
Dear god,someone tell a joke.
I got a joke.
This is a good one.
I'm trying to teach my son a lesson about adulthood,right? And laird gives him sanctuary! I don't think you know the first thing about your son.
For instance,did you know he's a world-class frittataist? What's a frittataist? Someone who makes a frittata.
What's a frittata? It's like an omelet.
Then w didn't you just say "omelet" and stop acting like a king? From now on,I'm gonna eat eggs whenever I want.
Well,I believe in his eggs, and I believe in your son-- so much so,I'm going to invest in his sheep mower business.
Did yohear what you just said? "I'm gonna invest in his sheep mower business"? Did you even bother to read his prospectus? Sheep make sense.
you know what? Maybe I'll invest.
Would that blow your elderly minds? I can't believe your dad never taught you how to box.
That's okay.
I'm willing to step in.
Now remember,boxing is all.
it's okay.
We are,uh,finished.
We're done.
hello? Amber.
I don't have time to guess what you're wearing right now.
Fine,fine.
I'll guess you're wearing nothing.
Lucky guess.
Look,I'm busy with my son.
type-person who is my houseguest.
I'll call you later.
Wow,you sure are friends with an awful lot of naked ladies.
All ladies are potentially naked.
Remember,don't look down a woman's blouse to catch a glimpse.
The best way is up her sleeve.
our first sex talk! How do you feel? overloaded.
It's natural.
Stay down! Just stay down! It's for your own good.
oh,yes! sweet! What is that,daddy? Just something daddy used to wear a long time before you were born.
Oh,no.
My shoes! Damn termites.
Why don't you throw 'em away? Because I had a life before you were here! mommy! could it be? The sheep are here.
Hey!The sheep are here.
We're gonna make so much money together.
look at these guys.
Look.
He's literally chasing his dreams.
Absolutely ridiculous.
Wait.
Where are you going? so the sheep thing is really happening,huh? We booked two more clients.
Oh,that's great.
What are you entrepreneurs up to next--beaver can openers? Gracen,you bitter,shortsighted old man I am not shortsighted.
The longer you keep his ridiculous idea afloat, as le mantengas the harder it's gonna be for me to.
holy crap.
Stop the car.
only in america.
Gracen,what is your son doing? - Here you go.
- Thank you.
This is for you.
What's this? It's a tip.
And here's another $20 for being so inquisitive.
Honey? are you seeing this? How long has he been giving people cash? He waited until he saw your car coming he wants you to be proud of him,gracen.
I certainly like living away from home.
Honey,honey,I always am.
You know that,even when his ideas don't make any sense.
But this one did,and you still dismissed it.
Simply because it's a horrible idea that ended up being incredibly.
lrative.
Why are you being so stuorn about this? I don't know! I don't--I don't know.
it just feels right.
I think it's because if you admit this idea was good, then you'll have to admit you were wrong about all his other ideas you didn't listen to.
Maybe.
Honey,I'm just trying to help him become a man.
Isn't part of becoming a man not always doing what your father wants? He did that,didn't he? What the hell? Marmaduke! Yes,we are aware of the problem.
The sheep are eating everything in their path.
We're gonna have someone out there shortly.
I don't know who! We have a problem.
Oh,really? Turns out that the hillridge community doesn't have as much grass as I'd anticipated.
My sheep are starving, and all I can say is.
father was right about me.
I'm destined to fail.
I'm nna head south,maybe try and find work in tijuana as a sheep trainer.
You know thosare my phone books.
Oh,sorry.
Save yourself.
Be careful out there.
Mrs.
Ducketts is pissed.
Good thing somebody taught me how to fight.
What's up,aubs? Taking out the trash.
You know,it's thursday.
It's what I always do.
Always.
It'sool.
How about you? Oh,I was just drivin' by.
Uh,I also wanted to show you some upgrades I got for the car.
- Spoiler.
- Oh,nice.
And a lightning bolt,too.
I had flames before.
- Killer.
- Yeah.
Hey,what's this? Oh,that's just some dumb old rag.
You can--it's just trash.
It's junk.
Holy cannoli.
This would be perfect for my wild phase.
- Can I have it? - No,it's mine.
Please? - Well,no,because- - yeah,but it was in the trash.
I know,but I didn't let go of the trash yet.
I know,but it'd be really good for my wild phase.
Come on!Look,it's my life!I can't let go! Sorry! Listen,I need to talk to my son.
He's not here,but he left you this letter.
A little boat.
"father,if you are reading this letter,"I am dead.
It is getting dark,or at least,"that is how I imagine it will be before I die.
"I'm tired.
In the morning,I will wri you all a letter of apology.
" Our boy is gone.
All right,will you cut it out? He's my son.
Let go.
Cut it out.
Marmaduke! We're lookin' for him,too.
I'll hit him high.
You hit him low.
Come on I like it.
Straight up.
did you see that?I just got the nod.
What does that mean? Everything.
Let the man go through take me with you.
I'm marmaduke brooker.
You car has low fuel efficiency.
Hello.
I am a good conversationalist,and.
it worked! I hope he's not a serial killer.
hey,son.
It's you.
Where are you goin'? Wherever my thumb and an antiquated rail system will take me.
I n't want to slow you down.
I just wanted to,you know, get the chance to say that I.
I,um.
you digood.
You took a chance,and that takes a t of courage.
Yeah,but I failed.
You're only 22.
Am i only 22,or am I already 22? I guess you're both.
That's what makes it so hard.
You know,I never told you this, but when I was your age, and then all through my 20s, all I did was I went and saw grateful dead shows.
I burned a decade,you know what I mean? My old man hated me.
But you were expanding your mind.
That's what's so great about you.
You don't have to expand your mind.
It's just-- it's already there.
You don't think out of the box.
You actually think you are the box,you know? And of course,now the box is going,"wait,who's this guy? Where'd he come from? Dad.
you get me.
God knows I'm trying,son.
Where you goin'? I'm coming home! I'll drive you! This is something I need to do myself.
Mother.
Oh,god.
Oh,honey! - water.
- water? Bottled water.
America's changed me.
- Mother? - Yes? By now my ex-room is probab a pilates studio or.
a shrine to me,but can I have it back? Sure you can,sweetie.
- Father? - Yes,son? - Come closer.
- Yes? Take this.
It's $20.
If I'm gonna stay here a while, I need to start paying rent.
That's for the first year.
Thanks for that.
marmaduke? I know you're around here somewhere! Uh,you know what? You may want to lay low for a while,son.
You know how people feel about their lawns.
Are they armed? it's good to have him back.
- Good-bye,honey.
- Good-bye,honey.
Nitrous tank? It is indeed.
And you guys didn't see,he's got a shark tank in the trunk.
Hey,you only live once,right? And I am loving this.
Your insurance must be through the roof.
Yeah.
what? Oh,crap.
I didn't think of that.
To hell with it.
Aubrey? Gentlemen,let's carpool.
Old life,meet new life.
and you'd better get along.
Hey,what's happening,williger household? How you doing,everybody? Come on.
Let's get funky! You're a shining star hey,sweetie.
No matter who you are shining bright to see what you can truly be come on,sweetie.
Come on,everybody!Let's jam!