Club De Cuervos (2015) s01e12 Episode Script
Happy Birthday Mr. President
1 "People who know me, love me.
" "People who don't know me, love me too " "Or they hate me.
" "Mario Balotelli" Congratulations Valentin is officially an Iglesias.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES - Do you mind if we turn it off? - What? - The TV.
- Oh, okay.
- Please.
- Wait.
Okay, there you go.
That's it, great.
Look, be sexier.
- Okay, yes.
- Be sexier.
Give it to me.
Like this? - Give it to me.
- Look, Isabel, how's it going with Chava? What's that got to do with this? He hates me, I hate him, same as usual.
You should make up, you're family.
Chivo if you want me to fix things with Chava just to advance your career, why don't you say so? And that's that.
I want you to make up with Chava to advance my career, okay? - Okay.
- Great.
So, now what? - Are we making this baby or not? - Yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
- Yes, give it to me.
- Ah! No, this is better.
Take it.
This too.
- Yes.
- Open it, please.
Open it.
Careful.
Come on.
- Yes, what is it? - Is the lady of the house in? Excuse me.
Madam, there's someone for you.
Come, Helena.
Come here.
Take Valentin.
Leave him in the car.
- Take my jacket, too.
- Okay.
What are you doing here? What's going on? I'm going to need more money.
Come in.
I didn't think you'd come.
Here I am.
I already ate, thanks.
- Coffee? - I already drank.
Look, Chava, you don't have to be so insufferable.
- Am I being insufferable? - No, sir.
Chava Rafael is really enjoying being the team's head coach.
Great.
That's great.
Tell him to enjoy it because it'll be ending very soon.
As soon as we find a replacement, he's gone.
Listen, you're upset with me.
Don't take it out on him, please.
No, that's not why, dude.
The thing is, when family is so involved in the business, well everything becomes personal and it doesn't work.
Maybe Rafael is a good option, but imagine if one day we argue, right? And something goes wrong and suddenly, I don't know, incriminating pictures are leaked to the press.
- Oh, Chava.
- It's one thing wanting to be president, and something very different to want to fuck me over.
To want to destroy me, to want to destroy my career, my name, my reputation.
Our name, Isabel.
You're my sister.
Look, Chava, I was really hurt with Dad and you and the whole damn situation.
- Mmm-hmm.
- And I felt bad and got even and and, well, I did something bad.
But the truth is, I moved heaven and earth to fix it, and I did, Chava.
Those pictures never came out.
I fixed it.
So that's that.
I think you should also recognize the good along with the bad.
Yes, I see it.
I see the good along with the bad.
But I also see that the bad is very bad.
The bad is sick, dude.
The bad is fucked up.
And you're the brother of the year? You're the model brother? I mean, you steal my speech about Dad - Come on.
- You took me out of the team, where I'd worked with Dad my whole life.
You stick a knife in my back whenever you get a chance, Chava.
You never wanted to team up with me, never! Yeah, but I never wanted to fuck up your life.
No! It was for the team - Oh, yeah.
- It wasn't personal.
I can picture it perfectly, how it was for the team.
Whatever you say, dude.
I believe you.
What's wrong? What? Soccer phenomenon Aitor Cardone is involved in a scandal due to a series of photos that have appeared showing how he celebrates his goals with his lifelong agent, Fernando Torres, who may be handling a little bit more than Aitor's professional affairs.
Photos of Cardone purportedly kissing his gay lover have exploded across social media.
as Cardone would be the first openly gay player.
Cardone's representatives sparked demonstrations worldwide.
In Amsterdam, supporters have taken to the streets where the Cardone jersey is being used as the unofficial flag of gay rights.
But in the small Mexican city of Nuevo Toledo, the backlash has been fierce.
The jersey of Cardone, once a beacon of hope for the local team, is being burned in protest.
Faggot! Get out of the Cuervos! We condemn the deception Aitor perpetrated against the Nuevo Toledo Cuervos.
- The incident - which has already gone viral has spread through social media The kiss on the field.
The kiss on the field.
We're a family team and definitely don't accept this kind of conduct.
- What do we have? - Uh Yes.
"We can't decide what people do with their bodies, although on this team we won't tolerate that behavior.
" No fucking way! That's not a statement! What part is supporting him, dude? You want to support him? - Of course! - Don't you care what people say? I don't give a shit! We're not in the Middle Ages! - Almost, we're in Nuevo Toledo.
- Fuck.
Remember the Spanish, when they burned their feet - The Inquisition - Hugo Sanchez! Where are you, dude? Huh? - Boss, the helicopter is here.
- Fuck! About time.
- Yes.
- Aitor is really in the shit.
Sir, turn this garbage off.
This is all that damn Eliseo's fault.
I don't understand how the fuck he found out.
Make sure there are no microphones in the office.
We're not in Russia, Chava.
Yes, boss, I don't think it's necessary.
Nowadays, they just activate the mic on your iPhone and hear everything.
Even with the computer, with the camera up there, too.
Can they really do that? No, I don't think Eliseo has that technology.
- Chava.
- What's up? Did you talk to Isabel? Why would I want to do that? Because people are looking for weakness and we can't give it to them.
The club needs to have a united front.
Isabel doesn't matter, but thanks for thinking big.
No one here has done that for a while.
- Chava! - Mmm? - I have to go to Aitor, sorry.
- You need to involve Isabel.
Look, the last thing I need is to involve Isabel in anything.
But thanks for your help.
Make yourselves useful and write something better.
And you, help them.
- Come on! - Yes, boss.
One last thing before you go.
- Yes? - Your birthday! You take care of it, please! Okay, sir, but you were excited.
It's your 30th Yes! Talk to the Monkey and book it for a private party.
Get on my Facebook, look for everyone I've chatted with in the last few months and make an event.
Cool? - Yes.
- What else? - The supporters.
- Ah, yes, the supporters.
My number one priority, clearly.
What happened? They say, "We can't guarantee our public support for a pillow biter in the next game, but an extension of benefits could avoid problems.
" - "An extension of benefits"? - That's what they say.
They can extend my dick! Who do they think they are? Well, the supporters, boss.
Yes, and I'm the owner.
No one tells me how to run my team.
Not Eliseo, not blackmailers - Don't worry - Or anyone! Fuck it! Yes.
They seem so angry.
It's just a damn football team.
Out of the way, dude! Fag! You've got to be kidding me.
Here comes Chava Iglesias! Chava! Will you fire Aitor Cardone? Excuse me.
Come on, guys! Look! The personal tastes of Aitor Cardone, however exotic they are, should not be the topic of conversation.
The only thing we should be talking about is that he's an extraordinary player and the star of the team.
So, thanks for your interest.
Good afternoon.
That was Chava Iglesias, owner and president of the Cuervos, giving us a strong statement in favor of Aitor Cardone.
Twenty idiots out there! Twenty idiots - that won't let me live! - I know.
They won't even let me walk naked in my home.
Don't worry, I'm going to take care of it.
Get them out of here now! I don't want them! - I know.
They're going.
- Fuck! I'm not even gay! You know that! - Well, that's a technicality.
- You know it.
Ah, women, men, robots! Who cares? Everyone can do what they want with their body.
I understand, dude.
Look, if two men want to enjoy some animal fucking, with or without the help of a woman, it doesn't make them gay, right? That's a debate we could have all day and I fucking hate debates and labels! - I like to have a good time with whoever! - Good for you.
- What is it to them? - Nothing.
- What does it matter? - Nothing! You're I have five illegitimate kids! Five! No one talks about that! But one kiss with a dude and I'm the most popular gay! - You have five illegitimate kids? - No one! I think we can control this, but look, I need you to calm down and listen to me, man.
Look, I support you.
We support you.
But you want me to keep playing? Of course.
You cost me too much to have you crying at home, dude.
- And the others? - What about them? They can stick it up their ass! If I say you play, you play! That's it.
And when I say up their ass I don't mean it literally.
Aitor out! Aitor out! I have a bunch of protestors outside the government building.
I saw a father ripping up his son's Cuervos jersey.
When we're winning, no one complains.
When we're losing, everyone protests.
I don't care why they protest or demonstrate.
We need this to stop now.
- Well, talk to Chava.
- Chava has supported Aitor in the press.
So what do you want me to do? We need you to make a statement.
That won't help much.
Chava is president.
But you're the other owner.
Well, yes, but no one's cared about that before.
Isabel, please.
They're burning our jerseys.
I know.
But if I go out and promise something in front of a camera and I don't have the authority to back it up, well It won't help much.
Unless we name you president.
Well, yes.
I see no alternative.
Me neither.
Okay.
Let's call a board meeting.
It seems at last you'll get your wish.
We're going immediately to a press conference with Isabel Iglesias.
"While the Iglesias family doesn't discriminate and respects people's decisions on how they live their lives Cuervos FC is a family organization, - and at the time of his signing - No fucking way.
Mr.
Cardone did not share with us all the information necessary to determine if his participation in the team is in line with the values of the organization.
And so the board is forced to distance itself from said athlete recently mentioned the athlete in question.
" It's so stupid, dude.
How can she be so obvious? The current president.
When did she become so puritanical? That strategy is a goddamn statement, dude.
Her best friends are gay.
She was maid of honor at the wedding.
Besides, what is this? Soccer is for girls but not for gays? What? Why are you looking at me like that? Now what did I do, dude? Fuck it.
Now I'm doing everything wrong.
Two kisses, the Spanish custom.
Of course! Didn't I tell you? There was something strange about him.
I thought it was a European thing, right? Because they're quite feminine.
They're always smacking butts, I mean, a lot It's one thing if you smack it with your hand like this, boom! "Good, kid, good.
" But another when it's a limp hand cupped like this.
Okay, dudes.
Gather round, please.
- Gentlemen, please, hurry up.
- Fuck! I said gather round, damn it! Don't be assholes.
I don't think you're his type, okay? Fucking hell! Here's the thing.
Goddamn faggot.
Who was that? Who said that? Who's the pansy who won't dare show his face? No offense.
Great, well, this is the kind of shit I won't tolerate.
- Neither will your coach.
- We won't tolerate it from anyone.
I'm fed up with your bullshit! This gentleman is your teammate, okay? The only thing that matters is how he plays soccer.
I don't care whether you guys like it or not.
I don't give a shit.
Okay? This man is your teammate.
Who cares what he does? Who cares what he says? He is how he is and always will be.
He'll never change.
We're going to support him 100% because he's a Cuervo and so are we.
Anyone who doesn't like it can leave.
- Agreed? - Yes.
Cool.
Make yourself at home, dude.
We'll talk later about the shower arrangements.
Okay.
- Bro, can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.
I just wanted to say I'm very happy with your work and wanted to give you this little gift.
Oh, Chava Just promise me one thing, okay? Don't open it until the game's over.
- Deal.
- Awesome.
Thanks a lot, eh? Rafa could do a worse job than his predecessors.
It's a good decision.
If you think about it, the team loves him.
He has seniority in the locker room.
And he was the only option left.
No one wants to work with the Cuervos.
Please! What a great speech you cooked up, dude.
What would your friend Carlos think about it? Hugo Sanchez already sent it to him on Facebook, don't worry.
It's unbelievable and pathetic, Isabel, that you go and give the team's position when you're not even part of it.
Look, Chava I do what I do for the organization.
You do what you do for the next front page.
Just what are you thinking, dude? You're not the organization.
And just so you understand, Aitor's not going anywhere and neither am I.
A fight's starting.
Out! Gentlemen, for your safety, stay inside here.
Don't leave the box.
Thanks.
The Nuevo Toledo Cuervos continue their losing streak.
They're in last place in the standings, flirting dangerously with the relegation zone.
What no one expected is that Wait, what are you telling me? I'm going to Greece, Father, and I won't be able to be with him, and since I can't be with him, well What do you mean you're going to Greece? You can't go to Greece.
After what Aitor's done to the team, you can't do it, you can't go.
Besides, don't forget that you're the moral force of the team.
What moral force, Father? By what right? I cheated on my wife, broke my vows, Father.
But that was months ago, man.
And it was with a woman.
Your son needs you.
Father, my son was the first to tell me to go.
Um Let us pray.
Father, with all due respect, I've prayed a lot and it hasn't helped me make better decisions.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
What are you doing? What's up? What are you doing here? Did you come to ask forgiveness? What's wrong, dude, huh? Why are you angry with me? Because you sold out to fucking Eliseo, dude.
You got in bed with him like all the others.
- And you? - What about me? You sold out to Eliseo too, right? I didn't sell out to anyone.
I'm not for sale.
- But - But what, dude? I mean, on the field you were I'm playing like crap, dude.
I'm trying, but the ball won't go in.
Why? I can't get it up, dude.
I want to fuck, but I can't.
They try to blow me and it's soft.
I want to jerk off, dude, and I can't get hard! You know what that's like, dude? And that's since Yeah, since that night.
And you've come to see the Father because you can't get it up? Yes, dude, I've tried everything.
If Jesus was resurrected, maybe they can resurrect my dick, dude.
What the fuck are you laughing at, asshole? It's not funny! He won't resurrect your dick, dude.
You don't need divine intervention, brother.
You need something else.
Come on.
This has a solution, Potrito.
Come on! - Couldn't you keep quiet? - Ah, Chivo, you scared me! What's wrong? He fired you.
YOU'RE FIRED YOUR SEVERANCE PAY COURTESY OF ISABEL He was going to fire you after firing Felix.
Yeah, I guess so.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry.
You're right.
You've lived with that egotistical jerk all your life.
Who'd know him better than you? I owe you an apology.
Really.
No.
You don't owe me anything.
- Much less an apology, Chivo.
- Yes, I do.
When you two were fighting instead of being on your side, I was always the dumb mediator.
As if the problem was with you and not him! I should have been on your side from the beginning.
Your brother is a little asshole.
He doesn't deserve to be team president.
He doesn't deserve to have you for a sister.
I just realized how much I needed to hear that.
Chivo.
My love.
I should have let them publish those photos of Chava instead of Moises.
What photos? The ones from the party? Yes, the The original photos were of Chava, not Moises.
So, you leaked the photos? But Isabel, why? I mean, what were you thinking? I had no choice, Chivo! It was Chava or Moises! - His marriage is destroyed, damn it! - I know, but what could I have done? Felix told me that if not, we could have lost the whole team! Yes, but because you leaked the photos! Your father would be so proud of you both.
You deserve each other, you know.
Dude, where the fuck did you bring me? It's like the forest in Blair Witch, dude.
Hey, relax.
When we arrive, you're going to be grateful.
No kidding, the fucking hut flies, dude! There's a man, half human, half goat.
Well, I think so.
I was really fucking high.
There it is, guys.
I told you, dude.
I told you! Fuck, yeah! Ometeotl! Mr.
Meleototutl! Sir, take this remedy that's been prepared for cleansing.
so that your body always benefits from this remedy, to free you from visible or invisible illnesses, from all the ill will of others.
This way you can enjoy What is that? - No, not me.
- Do you want be cured or not, man? - What is it? - Drink it! You're already here, dude.
It's not bad, dude.
Soccer is nothing.
Soccer is everything.
It doesn't make me happy.
It's the only thing that makes me happy.
That's why I can't get it up.
That's why my marriage isn't working.
I have to leave soccer to be really free.
I have to let Ximena go to be really free.
I'm going to study painting.
I'm going to Greece.
I have to be Governor of Nuevo Toledo.
Burn the friends, they're as bad as fags! Happy birthday, boss! - Here, boss.
- Nice touch, dude.
Don't mention it.
Grab them all.
Look.
- Happy birthday.
- No, man! - You look great.
- What's all this, dude? A lot of stuff, gifts, surprises.
You'll see.
- Could you - Yes, of course.
I reserved the VIP room at the Monkey, boss.
Weren't you going to close the whole place? Yes, with a VIP room so you can rest from your friends, boss.
- Just for you.
- Great.
I need to relax, dude.
Life's a bitch, right? I've been thinking about my birthday for a week, and now? Now, who the fuck cares, dude? Well, I do, boss.
That doesn't make me feel better.
I also ordered security be doubled for the protestors.
I'm not saying anything will happen, right? But we should be ready for anything.
There's going to be protests on my birthday? Well, it's a small town, boss.
Fuck! Get me some pepper spray and a water pipe, dude.
Don't ask.
Okay, boss.
Don't worry.
I'll leave your presents in the office! I'm coming, boss! We're back with Nacion Futbol.
Let's welcome someone who is a true soccer expert.
Back with us is Rafa Reina.
- Welcome.
- Rafa, what a great job you did with your team.
Great job.
Helping them out of the hole briefly.
Well, look, it was an honor that they called me.
Gosh! Seemed like torture, right? I've never seen so many people booing someone.
I can't disagree with you.
Well, how do you explain so many members of the public booing Aitor Cardone? I mean, he's out of work.
He's not going to have a team again.
Well, Rafa, you've been very quiet today.
Are you going to let him talk about your team like that? Um The truth is the problem isn't Aitor Cardone.
The problem is Salvador Iglesias Jr.
Since he arrived, he managed the team badly.
There was no clear direction.
We drifted helplessly.
There's no way you can ask the players to give 100% with all these internal problems.
Let me explain what happened.
He took over the team.
He started to make decisions with no knowledge of what a soccer organization is.
He ignored Felix, he ignored the Eight-Year Plan.
He started to question the coach.
He started telling us how to play and still ended up firing Goyo.
Let's be clear, I mean We can't blame Aitor, we can't blame Moises, we can't blame Potro.
We can't blame any players on the field because the executives are totally lost.
Well, your wife is one of the executives.
Well, we're not talking about my wife.
We're talking about Chava Iglesias who gets into scandals constantly, who took the captaincy from Moi for a 30-million-dollar signing that's completely out of the team's budget.
So I'm on this camera? This camera.
So the truth is, if you want to blame someone, you can't blame any of the players or the organization.
The only one responsible for all this is Chava Iglesias.
Wow.
Did you like it? It's delicious, thanks.
How is it possible that my little boy is 30, and I'm still the same age I was when he was born? Stop treating me like a child, Mom.
I just turned 30.
You can say what you like.
To me, you'll always be my Chavita.
Congratulations.
Mmm! - Thank you.
- Oh, darling.
Boss, your Tio Luis is here.
Let him in.
Thank you.
Luis, what a surprise! I'll bring you a plate, okay? Sorry to interrupt.
I won't keep you.
Sit down.
What is it? Look, it's been a very difficult year, and although business is business, we're also family, and I don't want it to take you by surprise.
The board will meet this coming week.
We will vote to strip you of the presidency.
These are the morning songs that King David used to sing To the handsome boys We sing them here Wake up, Chava, wake up See now the day has dawned The little birds are singing Tonight is your big night, Mr.
President.
Do you want to open the champagne? No, later.
Okay, we could let it chill a little more, right? Oh listen, sir.
Pollo can't come, or Guillo, it seems.
They say that What? Why? Well, they have a family emergency.
Seriously? My life is a family emergency, dude.
They just checked in at Soho House, the idiots.
I have them on Instagram.
It's bullshit.
You know why they're not coming? They're not coming because Aitor is, dude.
Mmm.
It's nights like this where you realize who your real friends are.
- Well, at least Aitor will be there.
- Sir, he's not coming either.
He said, "I don't want to be a burden.
" Where is everyone, dude? Well, maybe they arrived before, sir.
No? I guess Maybe they got here early.
Give me a second, sir.
I'll go and check and Wait a second.
Your dad left this when he left home I never had the heart to throw it away.
- Manny.
- Yes, boss? Let's go.
Boss! Boss! It's me! It's Hugo! Boss! Thank you.
Hey, I saw your program.
Great.
Thanks! I I always thought turning 30 was going to be the coolest thing in the world.
And just look.
This birthday was bullshit, dude.
When I was seven my dad brought Burbujas to sing at my party.
I was the hero of Nuevo Toledo.
Everyone wanted to be my friend.
Everyone wanted to be around me.
And look Not even that damn Aitor, who I sacrificed everything for, wants to share the burbujas in my champagne.
Have some, dude.
"Experience doesn't come with age It comes with preparation.
" Walter Bazar.
I wasn't prepared, dude.
I wasn't ready to lose my dad either, dude.
I made a lot of mistakes.
I know I did.
I made a shitload of mistakes.
I made a shitload of mistakes, but I also did a lot of things well.
I'm sure of that.
- Yes.
- I know what I have to do, but It makes me angry, and I'm helpless, dude, because now I won't even be able to do it because Isabel is going to stage a coup.
She called an emergency board meeting to take away my presidency.
Why not dissolve the board? What? Allow me.
This is the manual Felix gave you when you assumed the presidency.
You told me to read it.
Here it is.
"With the authorization of the family board, the president can dissolve the team board.
" And if the team board doesn't exist well they can't take my presidency.
That's it.
Manny Manny Thank you, dude.
Happy birthday, sir!
" "People who don't know me, love me too " "Or they hate me.
" "Mario Balotelli" Congratulations Valentin is officially an Iglesias.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES - Do you mind if we turn it off? - What? - The TV.
- Oh, okay.
- Please.
- Wait.
Okay, there you go.
That's it, great.
Look, be sexier.
- Okay, yes.
- Be sexier.
Give it to me.
Like this? - Give it to me.
- Look, Isabel, how's it going with Chava? What's that got to do with this? He hates me, I hate him, same as usual.
You should make up, you're family.
Chivo if you want me to fix things with Chava just to advance your career, why don't you say so? And that's that.
I want you to make up with Chava to advance my career, okay? - Okay.
- Great.
So, now what? - Are we making this baby or not? - Yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
- Yes, give it to me.
- Ah! No, this is better.
Take it.
This too.
- Yes.
- Open it, please.
Open it.
Careful.
Come on.
- Yes, what is it? - Is the lady of the house in? Excuse me.
Madam, there's someone for you.
Come, Helena.
Come here.
Take Valentin.
Leave him in the car.
- Take my jacket, too.
- Okay.
What are you doing here? What's going on? I'm going to need more money.
Come in.
I didn't think you'd come.
Here I am.
I already ate, thanks.
- Coffee? - I already drank.
Look, Chava, you don't have to be so insufferable.
- Am I being insufferable? - No, sir.
Chava Rafael is really enjoying being the team's head coach.
Great.
That's great.
Tell him to enjoy it because it'll be ending very soon.
As soon as we find a replacement, he's gone.
Listen, you're upset with me.
Don't take it out on him, please.
No, that's not why, dude.
The thing is, when family is so involved in the business, well everything becomes personal and it doesn't work.
Maybe Rafael is a good option, but imagine if one day we argue, right? And something goes wrong and suddenly, I don't know, incriminating pictures are leaked to the press.
- Oh, Chava.
- It's one thing wanting to be president, and something very different to want to fuck me over.
To want to destroy me, to want to destroy my career, my name, my reputation.
Our name, Isabel.
You're my sister.
Look, Chava, I was really hurt with Dad and you and the whole damn situation.
- Mmm-hmm.
- And I felt bad and got even and and, well, I did something bad.
But the truth is, I moved heaven and earth to fix it, and I did, Chava.
Those pictures never came out.
I fixed it.
So that's that.
I think you should also recognize the good along with the bad.
Yes, I see it.
I see the good along with the bad.
But I also see that the bad is very bad.
The bad is sick, dude.
The bad is fucked up.
And you're the brother of the year? You're the model brother? I mean, you steal my speech about Dad - Come on.
- You took me out of the team, where I'd worked with Dad my whole life.
You stick a knife in my back whenever you get a chance, Chava.
You never wanted to team up with me, never! Yeah, but I never wanted to fuck up your life.
No! It was for the team - Oh, yeah.
- It wasn't personal.
I can picture it perfectly, how it was for the team.
Whatever you say, dude.
I believe you.
What's wrong? What? Soccer phenomenon Aitor Cardone is involved in a scandal due to a series of photos that have appeared showing how he celebrates his goals with his lifelong agent, Fernando Torres, who may be handling a little bit more than Aitor's professional affairs.
Photos of Cardone purportedly kissing his gay lover have exploded across social media.
as Cardone would be the first openly gay player.
Cardone's representatives sparked demonstrations worldwide.
In Amsterdam, supporters have taken to the streets where the Cardone jersey is being used as the unofficial flag of gay rights.
But in the small Mexican city of Nuevo Toledo, the backlash has been fierce.
The jersey of Cardone, once a beacon of hope for the local team, is being burned in protest.
Faggot! Get out of the Cuervos! We condemn the deception Aitor perpetrated against the Nuevo Toledo Cuervos.
- The incident - which has already gone viral has spread through social media The kiss on the field.
The kiss on the field.
We're a family team and definitely don't accept this kind of conduct.
- What do we have? - Uh Yes.
"We can't decide what people do with their bodies, although on this team we won't tolerate that behavior.
" No fucking way! That's not a statement! What part is supporting him, dude? You want to support him? - Of course! - Don't you care what people say? I don't give a shit! We're not in the Middle Ages! - Almost, we're in Nuevo Toledo.
- Fuck.
Remember the Spanish, when they burned their feet - The Inquisition - Hugo Sanchez! Where are you, dude? Huh? - Boss, the helicopter is here.
- Fuck! About time.
- Yes.
- Aitor is really in the shit.
Sir, turn this garbage off.
This is all that damn Eliseo's fault.
I don't understand how the fuck he found out.
Make sure there are no microphones in the office.
We're not in Russia, Chava.
Yes, boss, I don't think it's necessary.
Nowadays, they just activate the mic on your iPhone and hear everything.
Even with the computer, with the camera up there, too.
Can they really do that? No, I don't think Eliseo has that technology.
- Chava.
- What's up? Did you talk to Isabel? Why would I want to do that? Because people are looking for weakness and we can't give it to them.
The club needs to have a united front.
Isabel doesn't matter, but thanks for thinking big.
No one here has done that for a while.
- Chava! - Mmm? - I have to go to Aitor, sorry.
- You need to involve Isabel.
Look, the last thing I need is to involve Isabel in anything.
But thanks for your help.
Make yourselves useful and write something better.
And you, help them.
- Come on! - Yes, boss.
One last thing before you go.
- Yes? - Your birthday! You take care of it, please! Okay, sir, but you were excited.
It's your 30th Yes! Talk to the Monkey and book it for a private party.
Get on my Facebook, look for everyone I've chatted with in the last few months and make an event.
Cool? - Yes.
- What else? - The supporters.
- Ah, yes, the supporters.
My number one priority, clearly.
What happened? They say, "We can't guarantee our public support for a pillow biter in the next game, but an extension of benefits could avoid problems.
" - "An extension of benefits"? - That's what they say.
They can extend my dick! Who do they think they are? Well, the supporters, boss.
Yes, and I'm the owner.
No one tells me how to run my team.
Not Eliseo, not blackmailers - Don't worry - Or anyone! Fuck it! Yes.
They seem so angry.
It's just a damn football team.
Out of the way, dude! Fag! You've got to be kidding me.
Here comes Chava Iglesias! Chava! Will you fire Aitor Cardone? Excuse me.
Come on, guys! Look! The personal tastes of Aitor Cardone, however exotic they are, should not be the topic of conversation.
The only thing we should be talking about is that he's an extraordinary player and the star of the team.
So, thanks for your interest.
Good afternoon.
That was Chava Iglesias, owner and president of the Cuervos, giving us a strong statement in favor of Aitor Cardone.
Twenty idiots out there! Twenty idiots - that won't let me live! - I know.
They won't even let me walk naked in my home.
Don't worry, I'm going to take care of it.
Get them out of here now! I don't want them! - I know.
They're going.
- Fuck! I'm not even gay! You know that! - Well, that's a technicality.
- You know it.
Ah, women, men, robots! Who cares? Everyone can do what they want with their body.
I understand, dude.
Look, if two men want to enjoy some animal fucking, with or without the help of a woman, it doesn't make them gay, right? That's a debate we could have all day and I fucking hate debates and labels! - I like to have a good time with whoever! - Good for you.
- What is it to them? - Nothing.
- What does it matter? - Nothing! You're I have five illegitimate kids! Five! No one talks about that! But one kiss with a dude and I'm the most popular gay! - You have five illegitimate kids? - No one! I think we can control this, but look, I need you to calm down and listen to me, man.
Look, I support you.
We support you.
But you want me to keep playing? Of course.
You cost me too much to have you crying at home, dude.
- And the others? - What about them? They can stick it up their ass! If I say you play, you play! That's it.
And when I say up their ass I don't mean it literally.
Aitor out! Aitor out! I have a bunch of protestors outside the government building.
I saw a father ripping up his son's Cuervos jersey.
When we're winning, no one complains.
When we're losing, everyone protests.
I don't care why they protest or demonstrate.
We need this to stop now.
- Well, talk to Chava.
- Chava has supported Aitor in the press.
So what do you want me to do? We need you to make a statement.
That won't help much.
Chava is president.
But you're the other owner.
Well, yes, but no one's cared about that before.
Isabel, please.
They're burning our jerseys.
I know.
But if I go out and promise something in front of a camera and I don't have the authority to back it up, well It won't help much.
Unless we name you president.
Well, yes.
I see no alternative.
Me neither.
Okay.
Let's call a board meeting.
It seems at last you'll get your wish.
We're going immediately to a press conference with Isabel Iglesias.
"While the Iglesias family doesn't discriminate and respects people's decisions on how they live their lives Cuervos FC is a family organization, - and at the time of his signing - No fucking way.
Mr.
Cardone did not share with us all the information necessary to determine if his participation in the team is in line with the values of the organization.
And so the board is forced to distance itself from said athlete recently mentioned the athlete in question.
" It's so stupid, dude.
How can she be so obvious? The current president.
When did she become so puritanical? That strategy is a goddamn statement, dude.
Her best friends are gay.
She was maid of honor at the wedding.
Besides, what is this? Soccer is for girls but not for gays? What? Why are you looking at me like that? Now what did I do, dude? Fuck it.
Now I'm doing everything wrong.
Two kisses, the Spanish custom.
Of course! Didn't I tell you? There was something strange about him.
I thought it was a European thing, right? Because they're quite feminine.
They're always smacking butts, I mean, a lot It's one thing if you smack it with your hand like this, boom! "Good, kid, good.
" But another when it's a limp hand cupped like this.
Okay, dudes.
Gather round, please.
- Gentlemen, please, hurry up.
- Fuck! I said gather round, damn it! Don't be assholes.
I don't think you're his type, okay? Fucking hell! Here's the thing.
Goddamn faggot.
Who was that? Who said that? Who's the pansy who won't dare show his face? No offense.
Great, well, this is the kind of shit I won't tolerate.
- Neither will your coach.
- We won't tolerate it from anyone.
I'm fed up with your bullshit! This gentleman is your teammate, okay? The only thing that matters is how he plays soccer.
I don't care whether you guys like it or not.
I don't give a shit.
Okay? This man is your teammate.
Who cares what he does? Who cares what he says? He is how he is and always will be.
He'll never change.
We're going to support him 100% because he's a Cuervo and so are we.
Anyone who doesn't like it can leave.
- Agreed? - Yes.
Cool.
Make yourself at home, dude.
We'll talk later about the shower arrangements.
Okay.
- Bro, can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.
I just wanted to say I'm very happy with your work and wanted to give you this little gift.
Oh, Chava Just promise me one thing, okay? Don't open it until the game's over.
- Deal.
- Awesome.
Thanks a lot, eh? Rafa could do a worse job than his predecessors.
It's a good decision.
If you think about it, the team loves him.
He has seniority in the locker room.
And he was the only option left.
No one wants to work with the Cuervos.
Please! What a great speech you cooked up, dude.
What would your friend Carlos think about it? Hugo Sanchez already sent it to him on Facebook, don't worry.
It's unbelievable and pathetic, Isabel, that you go and give the team's position when you're not even part of it.
Look, Chava I do what I do for the organization.
You do what you do for the next front page.
Just what are you thinking, dude? You're not the organization.
And just so you understand, Aitor's not going anywhere and neither am I.
A fight's starting.
Out! Gentlemen, for your safety, stay inside here.
Don't leave the box.
Thanks.
The Nuevo Toledo Cuervos continue their losing streak.
They're in last place in the standings, flirting dangerously with the relegation zone.
What no one expected is that Wait, what are you telling me? I'm going to Greece, Father, and I won't be able to be with him, and since I can't be with him, well What do you mean you're going to Greece? You can't go to Greece.
After what Aitor's done to the team, you can't do it, you can't go.
Besides, don't forget that you're the moral force of the team.
What moral force, Father? By what right? I cheated on my wife, broke my vows, Father.
But that was months ago, man.
And it was with a woman.
Your son needs you.
Father, my son was the first to tell me to go.
Um Let us pray.
Father, with all due respect, I've prayed a lot and it hasn't helped me make better decisions.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
What are you doing? What's up? What are you doing here? Did you come to ask forgiveness? What's wrong, dude, huh? Why are you angry with me? Because you sold out to fucking Eliseo, dude.
You got in bed with him like all the others.
- And you? - What about me? You sold out to Eliseo too, right? I didn't sell out to anyone.
I'm not for sale.
- But - But what, dude? I mean, on the field you were I'm playing like crap, dude.
I'm trying, but the ball won't go in.
Why? I can't get it up, dude.
I want to fuck, but I can't.
They try to blow me and it's soft.
I want to jerk off, dude, and I can't get hard! You know what that's like, dude? And that's since Yeah, since that night.
And you've come to see the Father because you can't get it up? Yes, dude, I've tried everything.
If Jesus was resurrected, maybe they can resurrect my dick, dude.
What the fuck are you laughing at, asshole? It's not funny! He won't resurrect your dick, dude.
You don't need divine intervention, brother.
You need something else.
Come on.
This has a solution, Potrito.
Come on! - Couldn't you keep quiet? - Ah, Chivo, you scared me! What's wrong? He fired you.
YOU'RE FIRED YOUR SEVERANCE PAY COURTESY OF ISABEL He was going to fire you after firing Felix.
Yeah, I guess so.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry.
You're right.
You've lived with that egotistical jerk all your life.
Who'd know him better than you? I owe you an apology.
Really.
No.
You don't owe me anything.
- Much less an apology, Chivo.
- Yes, I do.
When you two were fighting instead of being on your side, I was always the dumb mediator.
As if the problem was with you and not him! I should have been on your side from the beginning.
Your brother is a little asshole.
He doesn't deserve to be team president.
He doesn't deserve to have you for a sister.
I just realized how much I needed to hear that.
Chivo.
My love.
I should have let them publish those photos of Chava instead of Moises.
What photos? The ones from the party? Yes, the The original photos were of Chava, not Moises.
So, you leaked the photos? But Isabel, why? I mean, what were you thinking? I had no choice, Chivo! It was Chava or Moises! - His marriage is destroyed, damn it! - I know, but what could I have done? Felix told me that if not, we could have lost the whole team! Yes, but because you leaked the photos! Your father would be so proud of you both.
You deserve each other, you know.
Dude, where the fuck did you bring me? It's like the forest in Blair Witch, dude.
Hey, relax.
When we arrive, you're going to be grateful.
No kidding, the fucking hut flies, dude! There's a man, half human, half goat.
Well, I think so.
I was really fucking high.
There it is, guys.
I told you, dude.
I told you! Fuck, yeah! Ometeotl! Mr.
Meleototutl! Sir, take this remedy that's been prepared for cleansing.
so that your body always benefits from this remedy, to free you from visible or invisible illnesses, from all the ill will of others.
This way you can enjoy What is that? - No, not me.
- Do you want be cured or not, man? - What is it? - Drink it! You're already here, dude.
It's not bad, dude.
Soccer is nothing.
Soccer is everything.
It doesn't make me happy.
It's the only thing that makes me happy.
That's why I can't get it up.
That's why my marriage isn't working.
I have to leave soccer to be really free.
I have to let Ximena go to be really free.
I'm going to study painting.
I'm going to Greece.
I have to be Governor of Nuevo Toledo.
Burn the friends, they're as bad as fags! Happy birthday, boss! - Here, boss.
- Nice touch, dude.
Don't mention it.
Grab them all.
Look.
- Happy birthday.
- No, man! - You look great.
- What's all this, dude? A lot of stuff, gifts, surprises.
You'll see.
- Could you - Yes, of course.
I reserved the VIP room at the Monkey, boss.
Weren't you going to close the whole place? Yes, with a VIP room so you can rest from your friends, boss.
- Just for you.
- Great.
I need to relax, dude.
Life's a bitch, right? I've been thinking about my birthday for a week, and now? Now, who the fuck cares, dude? Well, I do, boss.
That doesn't make me feel better.
I also ordered security be doubled for the protestors.
I'm not saying anything will happen, right? But we should be ready for anything.
There's going to be protests on my birthday? Well, it's a small town, boss.
Fuck! Get me some pepper spray and a water pipe, dude.
Don't ask.
Okay, boss.
Don't worry.
I'll leave your presents in the office! I'm coming, boss! We're back with Nacion Futbol.
Let's welcome someone who is a true soccer expert.
Back with us is Rafa Reina.
- Welcome.
- Rafa, what a great job you did with your team.
Great job.
Helping them out of the hole briefly.
Well, look, it was an honor that they called me.
Gosh! Seemed like torture, right? I've never seen so many people booing someone.
I can't disagree with you.
Well, how do you explain so many members of the public booing Aitor Cardone? I mean, he's out of work.
He's not going to have a team again.
Well, Rafa, you've been very quiet today.
Are you going to let him talk about your team like that? Um The truth is the problem isn't Aitor Cardone.
The problem is Salvador Iglesias Jr.
Since he arrived, he managed the team badly.
There was no clear direction.
We drifted helplessly.
There's no way you can ask the players to give 100% with all these internal problems.
Let me explain what happened.
He took over the team.
He started to make decisions with no knowledge of what a soccer organization is.
He ignored Felix, he ignored the Eight-Year Plan.
He started to question the coach.
He started telling us how to play and still ended up firing Goyo.
Let's be clear, I mean We can't blame Aitor, we can't blame Moises, we can't blame Potro.
We can't blame any players on the field because the executives are totally lost.
Well, your wife is one of the executives.
Well, we're not talking about my wife.
We're talking about Chava Iglesias who gets into scandals constantly, who took the captaincy from Moi for a 30-million-dollar signing that's completely out of the team's budget.
So I'm on this camera? This camera.
So the truth is, if you want to blame someone, you can't blame any of the players or the organization.
The only one responsible for all this is Chava Iglesias.
Wow.
Did you like it? It's delicious, thanks.
How is it possible that my little boy is 30, and I'm still the same age I was when he was born? Stop treating me like a child, Mom.
I just turned 30.
You can say what you like.
To me, you'll always be my Chavita.
Congratulations.
Mmm! - Thank you.
- Oh, darling.
Boss, your Tio Luis is here.
Let him in.
Thank you.
Luis, what a surprise! I'll bring you a plate, okay? Sorry to interrupt.
I won't keep you.
Sit down.
What is it? Look, it's been a very difficult year, and although business is business, we're also family, and I don't want it to take you by surprise.
The board will meet this coming week.
We will vote to strip you of the presidency.
These are the morning songs that King David used to sing To the handsome boys We sing them here Wake up, Chava, wake up See now the day has dawned The little birds are singing Tonight is your big night, Mr.
President.
Do you want to open the champagne? No, later.
Okay, we could let it chill a little more, right? Oh listen, sir.
Pollo can't come, or Guillo, it seems.
They say that What? Why? Well, they have a family emergency.
Seriously? My life is a family emergency, dude.
They just checked in at Soho House, the idiots.
I have them on Instagram.
It's bullshit.
You know why they're not coming? They're not coming because Aitor is, dude.
Mmm.
It's nights like this where you realize who your real friends are.
- Well, at least Aitor will be there.
- Sir, he's not coming either.
He said, "I don't want to be a burden.
" Where is everyone, dude? Well, maybe they arrived before, sir.
No? I guess Maybe they got here early.
Give me a second, sir.
I'll go and check and Wait a second.
Your dad left this when he left home I never had the heart to throw it away.
- Manny.
- Yes, boss? Let's go.
Boss! Boss! It's me! It's Hugo! Boss! Thank you.
Hey, I saw your program.
Great.
Thanks! I I always thought turning 30 was going to be the coolest thing in the world.
And just look.
This birthday was bullshit, dude.
When I was seven my dad brought Burbujas to sing at my party.
I was the hero of Nuevo Toledo.
Everyone wanted to be my friend.
Everyone wanted to be around me.
And look Not even that damn Aitor, who I sacrificed everything for, wants to share the burbujas in my champagne.
Have some, dude.
"Experience doesn't come with age It comes with preparation.
" Walter Bazar.
I wasn't prepared, dude.
I wasn't ready to lose my dad either, dude.
I made a lot of mistakes.
I know I did.
I made a shitload of mistakes.
I made a shitload of mistakes, but I also did a lot of things well.
I'm sure of that.
- Yes.
- I know what I have to do, but It makes me angry, and I'm helpless, dude, because now I won't even be able to do it because Isabel is going to stage a coup.
She called an emergency board meeting to take away my presidency.
Why not dissolve the board? What? Allow me.
This is the manual Felix gave you when you assumed the presidency.
You told me to read it.
Here it is.
"With the authorization of the family board, the president can dissolve the team board.
" And if the team board doesn't exist well they can't take my presidency.
That's it.
Manny Manny Thank you, dude.
Happy birthday, sir!