Code Monkeys (2007) s01e12 Episode Script

1
Code Monkey like Fritos ♪
Code Monkey like Tab
and Mountain Dew ♪
- Aah
-Code Monkey ♪
Very simple man ♪
- Yee-ha!
- With big warm
fuzzy secret heart ♪
- Aah
Code Monkey like you ♪
- Ha ha!
- Aah
- Code Monkey like you ♪
- Aah
- Code Monkey like you ♪
- Aah!
- I love you, whores!
Jerry: OK. We're almost ready
for Vegas.
Demo of "White Karate Master":
check.
Dave: Box of condoms: check.
Jerry: Info sheets
with the game specs: check.
Dave: Extra-large tube of lube:
double check.
Jerry: Dave, I'm trying to pack.
Dave: Trust me, Jerry.
We're gonna need the lube.
Well, at least I will.
Jerry: What am I forgetting?
I've got my lucky rabbit's foot,
my good suit.
Dave: Why are you
bringing a suit?
We're going to
the video game convention,
not your mom's funeral.
Jerry: That was last week, Dave.
Too soon, man.
Dave: OK, I'm sorry!
[Low voice] Captain Bummer.
Jerry: We're up for a Gamey,
the most prestigious award
in the video game world.
I want to look nice when
"Floating Space Rocks:
The Revenge"
wins for Most Innovative Game.
Dave: Yeah, we're nominated,
but so is Portendo's
"Smurfs in Space."
The committee clearly
has no standards.
Jerry: Well, I want to be ready
for when we win.
Dave: And I would like
to be ready to bang
some depressed strippers.
It's so sexy
when they cry, dude.
Larrity: All right, ladies,
let's get a move on!
We got to get to the airfield!
Jerry: Don't you mean airport?
Larrity: Hell, no!
I can't fly commercial!
Not if I want to bring along
these babies.
Them airline pussies
don't let you bring
anything fun aboard!
Black Steve: [Beep] yeah.
Larrity: Yee-hah!
Now let's get it!
Dave: Dude, I'll get the bag.
Jerry: Thanks, man.
[Dave chuckles]
Dean: Our private plane
rocks, Dad.
Black Steve: This thing is hot.
Clarence: The bathroom
has a bidet! ♪
Larrity:
Get comfortable, people.
We will be in Las Vegas
before you know it.
Clare: Um, where's the pilot?
Larrity: I'm the pilot!
You know my motto--
never pay some
well-trained jackass
to do a job you can do yourself.
Mary: Yeah, I think I'm
just gonna drive to Vegas.
Larrity: Sit down, girlie!
We take off as soon as
everybody gets here.
Jerry: But sir, everyone's
on board already.
Larrity: Not quite
everybody, Jerry.
Now that we're all here,
strap on your babymakers, kids.
Here we go.
Man: Viva Senor Larrity
and viva Los Vegas.
Larrity: Gracias. Aah!
What did I say about
shooting inside the plane?
And put your gosh darn
seat belts on!
Man: Compromiso, senor.
Todd: Uhh, I envy you, senor.
To be from the home
of nacho cheese.
[Inhales] Thrilling.
Man: What is this guy
talking about?
Todd: Uhh. Nacho cheese.
My old mistress.
The elixir of life.
Heals sore muscles.
Cures athlete's foot,
curbs acne,
and even, on most occasions,
is a wonderful
personal lubricant.
Man: What a douche this guy is.
Todd: Do you know that
Ponce de Leon's
mythical fountain of youth
was not mythical
and was actually a bubbling hot
geyser of nacho cheese?
Man: I can't take this.
Vamonos, muchachos!
Larrity:
We're being attacked!
There comes the planes.
I'm gonna dodge them,
then shoot 'em down from behind!
Hey, look, there's Las Vegas.
Boy: Whoa, a limo.
I bet somebody famous is inside.
Jerry: Hey there, little man.
Boy: Damn it.
I got excited for nothing.
This guy's a nobody.
Dave: That kid totally
burned you.
Jerry: Great. This trip is off
to an awesome start.
Larrity: This is it, people.
The ol' Las Vegas Video Game
and Computer Convention.
The ol' LVVGCC.
Drink it in.
Todd: Well, now that
I've arrived,
we can officially say
that we have all of the greats
under one roof.
You know, if a bomb
exploded in here,
it would wipe out the entire
game industry as we know it
Mary: And most of
the world's nerds.
Dave: Check it out.
Reeve Jobs is here.
Reeve: Think you can dunk
Reeve Jobs?
If your lame throw somehow
manages to dunk me,
you win an Apple cPod.
Boy: Hey. What's a cPod?
Reeve: It's a computerized
portable music player
that carries 50 cassettes.
Boy: Oh, cool.
Aah! Ooh!
Reeve: It's gonna be huge!
Boy: I can't feel my legs.
Dave: Wow.
Sucks to be him.
Whoa, lookit.
Even Kansas Instruments
has a booth here.
Man: This little beauty
is the first game system
powered by corn.
Playing games about corn,
and educating
today's youth about corn.
This here's our first release--
"Cornucopia."
Black Steve: Damn, you're white.
Man: 'Cause we take
your regular TV
Man 2: Yo, that's just
a regular TV!
Man 1: And we attach
a keyboard to it.
Larrity: Well, here we are--
home sweet GameaVision booth.
We gonna live in this booth
for the next 3 days.
More specifically, y'all gonna
live in the booth
for the next 3 days
while I go gamble away
Dean's unused college fund.
Dean: Teacher said I don't need
no more school.
Larrity: OK, Dave, Jerry.
You got first shift.
Dave: Nooo!
Larrity: Now,
you're representing
GameaVision as a company,
so, act accordingly.
Hey, honey,
are those things real?
I'm gonna have to jiggle 'em
to make sure.
Yee-hah!
Woman: Creep.
Larrity: Where's your
manners, missy?
Anyhow, if you're
not on booth duty,
you're free to explore
the convention.
Todd: Then I must be going.
I'm off.
There's a sci-fi mixer in Hall B
and I want to get there before
all the good-looking elves
are taken.
Fare thee well, losers!
Mary: Wow. I don't know
whether to laugh or cry.
Let's get out of here.
Larrity: Hold on, girls.
I got a special
lady job for you two.
Mary: I hear the words
"happy ending,"
so help me, I'm gonna--
Larrity: Don't flatter
yourself, missy.
I need you two to look after
Benny for me.
Clare: Benny?
But he's not here.
Larrity: I packed him here
last night
with this bag of sugar.
Benny: Sugar bag my bestest
and only friend.
Larrity: Just feed him
when you remember to
and I'm sure he'll
make it just fine.
Clare: Ow! Stop it!
Mary, help!
Mary: Hey, uh, check out
the knockers on her.
Larrity: Knockers? Where?
I don't see any kno--oh.
Well played, lady.
Come on, Benny.
Tonight, you're rollin'
with the big dog.
Benny: I like sugar.
Larrity: Yes, you already
said that, Benny. Thanks.
Dave: What have I done
to deserve the first shift?
Why does God hate me?
Jerry: Dude, calm down.
I signed us up
for the first shift
so we could just get it
out of the way.
Dave: But I'm bored.
Jerry: It's been
two minutes, Dave.
Hi, folks.
How you doing today?
We here at GameaVision have
an exciting array of games
to show you.
Dave: Bored. Bored.
Bored. Bored.
Jerry: Uh, uh, uh, uh,
all righty, then.
We'll--we'll see you later.
Dave, stop it.
Dave: But I'm bored.
Bored. Bored.
Todd: Ohh.
The sci-fi mixer.
My favorite part of
the game convention.
I'm finally home.
Well, hello, my cyborg siren.
Woman: I bet you say that
to all the bots.
Todd: Ooh, clever, too.
You know, I find
robot culture fascinating.
Woman: Is that so?
Why don't you let me
feed you after midnight
and get you wet?
Todd: Oh, no,
that would be unwise.
For Mogwais are
delicate creatures.
[Woman licks]
Todd: Oh. I see.
Yes, I would like that
very much.
Dave: Oh. This booth
is sucking my will to live.
Jerry: We only have
two more hours, Dave.
Dave: Woz!
Jerry: Mr. Wozniak!
Wozniak: Hey, guys.
Good to see you boys.
How's GameaVision?
Dave: Lame since you left, dude.
Wozniak: Come on.
It's probably even better
than when I was there.
"White Karate Master"? Genius.
Keep up the good work.
See you at the Gameys.
Dave: Wait, please!
Take me with you!
Wozniak: Dave, let go!
I can't control!
Dave: Sorry, Woz.
Wozniak: It's cool.
That was an awesome ride.
Dave: That is it.
It is time to go.
Jerry: Dave, no way!
The judges for the Gameys
could be here any minute.
I want to make
a good impression.
This is important.
Dave: Well, we have
an important appointment
in the desert.
You are gonna love this guy.
Trust me.
Jerry: No, Dave, no, no.
But the booooth!
Todd: You know, your receptacle
may be man-made,
but your charms were
made in heaven.
Now beep for me, robot. Beep!
Woman: Beep boop beep beep
Todd: Yes, yes.
Beep, you robotic whore.
Woman: beep beep.
Larrity: OK, Benny,
just act natural here.
We're gonna--
Man: What's the password?
Larrity: Mousevagah!
[Bell rings]
Man: Ah, Mr. Larrity.
So nice to see you again.
And you brought a friend.
Larrity: Well, this is Benny.
He's my good-luck charm.
Ain't that right?
Man: Hi there.
I understand you'll be
my competition tonight.
My name is Gill Bates
and I'm an entrepreneur
trying to win startup money
for my new computer company.
Can I bet using my own stock?
Larrity: Who the hell let
this punk in here?
Mr. Ricardo: He paid the fee.
The buy-in, as always,
is $50,000.
Larrity: Put me in
for twice that.
Ooh! And do me a favor.
I want an icy cold beer
and I want to see the Harlem
Globetrotters fight a lion.
Mr. Ricardo: As you wish, sir.
Man: Curly, look out!
Curly: ow! Get down! Yowza!
Larrity: I said icy cold beer.
Dang!
Clare: My friend said
that if you're in Vegas,
you have to go to this club.
She said the men are all
really good dancers.
Mary: As long as there's booze,
I'm in.
Clare: Ooh, I think this is it.
[Dance music playing]
Mary: Holy [beep].
Clare: Wow.
They are good dancers.
Mary, can I borrow $100 in ones?
Todd: My robotic love,
I hope you'll store
this experience in your
memory card.
I know I shall.
From the bottom of my heart,
I say to you,
[beeping] forever.
Woman: Not so fast, Romeo.
Todd: What's that, my sweet?
Woman: You owe me $1,000, bitch.
Todd: But I love you.
Woman: Love?
What kind of weirdo
falls in love with a hooker?
Todd: A hooker?
I should've seen the signs.
Willingness to talk to me
being the first one.
And then there is the fact
you actually
did let me plug my phone line
into your modem.
You ignored my farting
throughout the coitus.
Uhh. It's all there!
Well, I'm afraid
I don't have $1,000
in my costume.
How about two tickets
to the hottest show in town--
the Gameys?
Woman: What the [beep]
are the Gameys?
Todd: Only the most important
video game award show
of the year.
And I will also throw in
a mid-show Snack Pack.
Man: Snack Pack?
You and Ugly gonna have a talk.
Jerry: Dave, who the hell meets
in the middle of a desert?
Dave: Oh, you'll see.
Man: Are you Dave?
Dave: Depends on who's asking.
Are you Snowball?
Snowball: Yeah.
Dave: Then I'm Dave.
Jerry: We should really get
back to the booth, Dave.
Dave: Jerry, Snowball here
is one of the biggest dealers
in illegal fireworks.
Heh. He's got some serious
firepower in that van, dude.
It's gonna happen and it's
gonna happen today.
Snowball: I do all right.
Jerry: Why do you have a hook
for a hand?
Dave: Dude, don't listen to him.
He's menstruating.
Show me what you got.
Snowball: These beauties
are left over
from the bicentennial
celebration a few years back.
Dave: Yes! Wow.
Jerry: Dave,
aren't old fireworks
incredibly unstable?
Dave: Wait, all of a sudden
you're like a fireworks expert?
Jerry: Dave, I'm just saying
Snowball is missing body parts!
Dave: Dude, this is my call.
Do you mind if we
have, um, a little taste?
Snowball: Be my guest.
[Firework hissing]
Jerry: Gross. You just
blew up that salamander.
Dave: Chill out, Jerry.
Animals don't have feelings.
It's been proven by science.
Here you go.
I'll take all of them.
Snowball: Hey.
I was never here.
Jerry: H-hey!
Here's a crazy idea.
Why don't we forget all about
these little fireworks
and get back to the booth, Dave?
The judges are gonna be there
any minute!
Dave: Dude, for the last time,
the booth will be fine.
What could possibly happen?
Man: Bellecovision rules!
GameaVision drools!
Judge [Australian accent]:
I can't wait to meet
this Jerry fella.
Judge 2 [British accent]:
Nor can I. Oh, no!
Judge 1: This does not reflect
well on GameaVision.
Judge 2: Not one bit.
Jerry: You're just lucky
you didn't lose an eye
like Snowball.
Dave: Listen, nobody could've
predicted those fireworks
would've been so unstable.
Jerry: Oh, my gosh!
Dave: I know.
That is the last time
I buy fireworks
from a hook-handed dude.
Jerry: Oh, no.
No, Dave, the booth!
Who did this?
All of our games,
all of our demonstrations,
all gone!
Dave: Hmm.
Probably Bellecovision.
Oh, well.
Win some, lose some, right?
What?
Jerry: Wait, here's a note
from the Gamey judges.
"Hopefully you will
have the decency
"to show up for
the award banquet.
But we're not
holding our breath."
We're going to lose,
and it's all your fault!
Dave: Heh-heh.
Listen, I think
there's enough blame here
to go around for everybody.
Jerry: I'll kill you!
I will kill you!
You're going down!
Black Steve: See, Clarence,
there's the target.
Shoot for the head or the heart,
whatever speaks to you.
Clarence: Thanks for
bringing me along ♪
Man: You OK, buddy?
Clarence: Now that
you're here, stud ♪
Man: What did you just say?
Black Steve: Back off, man.
Mr. Ricardo: Mr. Rubiks,
please take a seat on this
fine Corinthian leather
and meet the other players.
This is the Sheik.
That is Mr. Takashi.
We have the Duke brothers--
Randolph and Mortimer.
That's Count Draculon.
Mr. Larrity is from GameaVision.
Rubiks: Oh, hello, guys.
Hello, everyone.
Mr. Ricardo: And tonight's
big winner so far--
Mr. Gill Bates.
Gill: Beginner's luck, I guess.
Ha ha!
Mr. Ricardo: Can I get you
gentlemen anything?
Rubiks: I'll take a soda.
Larrity: That sounds good.
Gimme one of those.
Oh, and a Thai hooker.
Mr. Ricardo: Ah.
As you wish, sir.
Gill: Now, where were we?
Larrity: It's your rack, nerdo.
Gill: OK, Mr. Larrity.
I see your million dollars
and I'll raise you
the Shroud of Turin.
Larrity: Ooh, I'd like
to win that shroud,
but I got no assets left
except my company.
Luckily, I always
carry this with me.
Uhh! I bet GameaVision.
Benny: You think that's
a good idea, boss?
Larrity: Quiet, Benny.
You're just here to look pretty.
Benny: I think he has
killer hand.
Larrity: Shut your kimchi hole
and watch a real man play.
Now, what you got?
I got 3 2s, an old maid,
and a blue Uno reverse.
Dang it!
Gill: Neat.
I own my game company.
Todd: I have got to go
to the Gameys,
but I promise you I will
come back right after,
and a sign of good faith
and for collateral,
I will leave you
my lucky 20-sided die.
Ugly: You're not going anywhere!
Todd: I see.
Well, perhaps
I could work off my debt
through menial labor.
I'm a trained food taster
and a crack
television channel changer.
Ugly: Shut up, cracker!
Todd: I could give you my
312 distinct recipes
for nacho cheese.
That is easily a $10,000 value.
Which means that you would
owe me 9,000--
Ugly: Here's what
we're gonna do, lard-ass.
Gimme a woman for my stable
of bitches or you're dead!
Todd: I don't know where
I'm gonna find a bitch
at this late hour,
but I'll tell you what.
I am available to turn tricks.
Ugly: I said get Ugly a woman!
Todd: Wait a minute.
I thought I was supposed
to get a woman for you.
Ugly: That's what I said!
Todd: Ah.
I recognize the problem here.
You see, when you speak
in the third person,
it is very confusing
to the listener.
That's a knife!
Ugly: Get. Me. A. Woman.
You hear me, Skinny?
Mary: What the hell
happened here?
And where's Larrity?
The Gameys are about to start.
Jerry: Eh, who cares?
We're not gonna win now.
Dave ruined everything.
Dave: Jerry's pretty down.
What do you say you raise
his spirits with a handy?
Mary: Ew!
Jerry: Whoa, hey.
I didn't say it.
Dave did.
You're such a jerk, dude.
Dave: Hey, you wouldn't
be saying that
if she'd given you the handy.
Jerry: Don't talk to me.
Larrity: What happened to our--
Oh, well. I guess it's
your problem now, Bates.
Clare: What's his problem?
Todd: You can take that one.
Ugly: Ha ha ha!
That's a sweet ass.
Consider your debt
to Ugly paid.
[Laughs]
Todd: It was a pleasure
doing business with you.
Ugly: Come on, girl.
You working for Ugly now!
Clare: Noooo!
Mary: Somebody do something!
Todd: Ah, she'll be fine.
Ugly is tough but fair.
Larrity: People, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but I lost the company
in a high-stakes poker game.
Well, actually,
that was kinda easy.
Dean: Do I have a new dad?
Clarence: What are we
gonna do-o-o-o-o? ♪
Larrity: This here's
your new boss Gill Bates.
People: What?
Gill: Hi, guys.
I'm real excited
to own GameaVision.
Everyone is going to be a
stockholder in my new company.
Black Steve: Is it Class A
or Class B stock?
If they're not voting shares,
they ain't worth [beep].
Dave: I don't want stock.
I want money.
What? I lost a grand
at roulette.
Man: Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats
for the Gameys!
Gill: Ooh, it's starting.
Come on, team.
Dave: Good luck, dude.
Jerry: Dave, just shut up.
Woman: And the Gamey for
Most Innovative Video Game
goes to GameaVision
for "Floating Space Rocks:
The Revenge."
Jerry: Woohoo!
I did it!
I did it!
Woman: Congratulations.
Get me out of here.
Gill: Wow.
Thank you, Bea Arthur.
I don't know what to say.
This is all happening so fast.
Jerry: Wait.
What's happening?
Gill: We worked
really hard on this game,
and for that I want to thank
everyone at GameaVision--
Mr. Barrity, White Steve, Tom,
Mary Clare,
and most importantly,
Dave and Terry.
Good work, Dave and Terry!
Jerry: This is my moment.
And he's stealing it.
Black Steve:
Hey, nobody calls me
White Steve
and gets away with it.
Gill: Ow. That's my genius arm.
[People screaming]
Larrity: Heh.
Those employees
can be a handful,
can't they, Gill?
Gill: I wanted everyone
to be a part of my
vision for the future
of home computing!
Instead, I got shot!
I'm selling off
this stupid company
before I regret it anymore!
Benny: What happen to Benny
if company is sold?
Dave: Don't worry, dude.
Someone will keep you
until you're not cute anymore.
Benny: Don't worry, Larrity.
Gill Bates is a loser
with dumb computer idea.
I bet he not even able to
beat a child at poker.
Larrity: Hush up there, Benny.
Gill: What did he say?
Benny: Hey, dummy,
open your ears.
I said I bet you couldn't beat
stupid, little me at poker.
Gill: I could so beat you.
Benny: Could not.
Gill: Could so.
Benny: Prove it.
If I beat you, I get company.
Gill: And if I win, you have to
come with me to Seattle
and tell everyone how cool I am.
Benny: Agreed.
Gill: Okey-doke!
Let's play.
Mr. Ricardo: As you wish, sir.
Benny: Gimme two card.
Gill: Two cards.
OK, kid, I'm losing
a lot of blood.
I've got 3 9s.
Benny: Oh, no.
Gill Bates,
I in crapper now.
I better pack my bags
for Seattle.
All I have is
these cards with hearts.
Gill: Ha. I'm not the loser.
You--
Benny: Royal flush!
GameaVision is money.
Once again, Koreans
rule the world!
Gill: So what?
I'm not a loser,
and with the money I get
suing the guy who shot me,
I'll have more than enough
to start my own company.
Larrity: Whoa, stop it
right there, Bates.
You'd be
a terrible businessperson.
Let me give you a little piece
of advice, my friend.
Take all that money
and go buy yourself
a teenage Ukrainian bride.
They're cheap and sexy.
Gill: Shut up with
your stupid advice.
Benny: Ah, Gill Bates.
Your pride was your undoing.
Mary: Benny, that was amazing.
Benny: Amazing I had cheat cards
up my sleeve.
That's how I roll.
Larrity: Did you see that?
A child just cheated at cards
to save the company.
You should be ashamed
of yourselves!
Now gimme back my model.
Benny: No way, Jose.
I own GameaVision now.
Larrity: I'll give you 5 bags
of sugar for it.
Benny: 6 bags.
Larrity: Deal.
[Benny laughs]
You stupid round-eye.
Dave: I feel sorry
for that Bates guy,
beaten by a child, and that
computer thing is--
is really not gonna take off.
Unlike the home arcade industry
that I've been telling
everybody about.
Jerry: I didn't get
to give my victory speech.
Dave: See, this is
the disappointment I was
trying to save you from.
Jerry: I just wanted
to win so bad.
Dave: That's your problem,
Jerry.
You care too much.
You need to
let go and stop caring
and life will be way easier.
Look at me--I don't
care about anything
and my life kicks ass.
Jerry: Maybe you're right.
Thanks, Dave.
Dave: Don't mention it.
Mary: Black Steve,
what the hell are you doing?
Black Steve:
Just passing the time.
Man, there's some nasty-ass
hookers out here.
Dave: You weren't lying.
Hey, that one looks familiar.
Hey, slow down!
What the hell?
Clare: Hey, baby, I put
the "ass" in "class."
You want a date for--oh.
Hey, guys.
It's 200 for the first hour
and 300 for each
additional hour.
Dave: Wow. Turning tricks
is good business.
Woman: Hey, sweetheart,
don't waste your time
with that one.
I'm Grade A prime beef.
Mary: You're safe now, Clare.
You don't have to sell
your body to the night.
Clare: Actually,
it's not that bad.
Ugly gave me this fur coat.
Real fur. Rabbit.
And he told me I was pretty.
And if I'm lucky,
he's gonna pay for me
to get a perm.
Larrity: He's a pimp and a liar.
Driver, to the airfield.
Man: Sorry, sir, but there's
a man in front of the limo.
Todd: It's the pimp!
Ugly: Gimme back my girl.
You all dead meat,
and I'm lookin' to make
a sammich.
See what I just did there?
Jerry: It's official.
I am never coming back to Vegas.
Dave: [Indistinct] me.
I have something in my pants
left over
for this very purpose.
That sounded really bad,
but trust me.
Here you go, pal.
This should cover it.
Happy bicentennial!
Ugly: What the--hey!
Larrity: Well,
God bless America.
Ugly: My ass.
Aah! Hey!
[Elephant trumpets]
Todd: I don't know
where I'm gonna find
a bitch at this late hour.