Dinner Time Live with David Chang (2024) s01e12 Episode Script

1
[theme music playing]
[Pete] I'd rather do bird, man.
I'm more of a bird man.
-Guys, we are live
-[laughter]
Welcome to Dinner Time Live,
I'm Dave Chang. This is Chris Ying.
We are joined with two comedians:
Nikki Glaser, Pete Holmes.
Thanks for joining us.
-Thanks for having us.
-Thanks for Shit!
-Thanks.
-You said you were gonna say that.
-I'm sorry.
-Thanks for having us.
Well, um
We have two vegans today, right?
-[Pete] Two vegans.
-[Nikki] Yes.
One red fish, blue fish.
I don't know. Yes.
-Are you vegan?
-Yeah.
-[Nikki] I didn't know that.
-I'm an imperfect vegan.
-Aren't we all? There's milk
-Aren't we all? Isn't?
-Then I'm also an imperfect vegan too.
-Yeah.
You're a terrible vegan.
Seems like sometimes
you're not even trying.
-[Dave] This is also true.
-[laughter]
Um But
It's not crazy for me to cook this
because this is stuff that I make at home.
And making you
some versions of Korean food.
A lot of people may think
Korean food is beef and barbeque,
but there's a lot of fish.
But I would say most Korean households
just eat like vegetarian and vegan.
Uh, I spent some time ten years ago
in a Buddhist monastery in Korea.
That's all they did.
I didn't pray, I just helped cook.
-And, um
-[Pete] Nice.
Um, and I think I'm gonna
Hopefully make you
some tasty things today, so
You already have.
I say challenge accepted.
I had spicy tofu and I'm like:
"Come on, man.
We can do spicier than that."
-Really?
-Let's go!
-I can never tell what white people like.
-Okay.
-All right.
-You don't trust us.
I know I look like Wonder Bread,
but you gotta give me more.
-I wanna try it. But did you really?
-Of course I did, yes.
-Go full Conan hot wings.
-I know.
-Eat it. Go viral.
-We're all inspired now.
-All right, here we go.
-Rubbing it on myself.
[Chris] What are these dishes they didn't
order that arrived at their table?
[Dave] When you go
to a Korean restaurant or at home,
you're gonna be bombarded with banchan.
A lot of these small room-temp dishes
of vegetables and such.
That's what you have here. You have
I made dongchimi,
this is what kimchi was like in Korea
before the introduction of the pepper
by the Portuguese in the 15th century.
-[Pete] Classic Portuguese.
-[Dave] Classic.
[Pete] Always running around
with bundles of spices.
I knew that.
-Korea was so mild before the Portuguese.
-Really?
-Did you not know that?
-No, I
-No, sometimes I use that.
-I missed that day.
Sorry. This is a little
"pre-Portuguese Korea" conversation.
We have some salted daikon.
Kohlrabi,
that's pickled with some vinegar.
-Spicy
-[Nikki] What is that?
[Dave] Kohlrabi.
-[Nikki] What's kohlrabi?
-[Dave] What is a kohlrabi?
A kohlrabi is a German turnip
or turnip cabbage.
-A German turnip.
-A biennial vegetable.
Do you see me flip? You didn't look.
-[Pete] I saw it.
-Where's the instant replay?
-This is the coolest I'm gonna be all day.
-[Pete] Awesome.
We have marinated cherry tomatoes,
shishito peppers,
spinach, bean sprouts, some
-[Nikki] This is awesome.
-kimchi.
-[Nikki] He keeps stealing it.
-Not to eat it, to stop her.
-He just puts it back down.
-Just a power move.
I do wanna try it.
Have that piece. I'm sorry.
-No, it's great.
-[Dave] And this is
I got to get this on the menu.
I mean, on the fire right now.
This is the rice course,
your last course. Um
David, why does rice take forever to cook?
It's so It's so
For being
as not delicious as it is, right?
Rice makes you pay a very high price.
-Rice is not delicious?
-[Pete] Right.
Leave right now.
-On its own?
-[Chris laughs]
You think plain rice is delish?
-[Chris] Whoa.
-You started a war with all of Asia.
[Pete] All right. I'm just saying.
-It's usually like the
-[Dave] So let me tell you, this rice
-That's a hot take?
-Like romaine lettuce.
[Dave] This rice is from Nagano.
-Carbs.
-Yes.
It's called the "Milky Queen rice."
It's a special grain of rice from Japan.
-You're gonna enjoy it.
-[Pete] Okay.
Can I try some plain
so I can see how wrong I am?
-[Dave] Yeah.
-Looks like your
But here's the deal,
I'm already judging you
that your palate is not good enough
to appreciate the dish.
See, that's Already making assumptions,
but you should.
-[Dave] Right? It's all about judging.
-You should.
Yeah. Because even with us, as comedians,
audiences will laugh at something
or like something of a comedian
before us or even in our own act.
We'll go We don't
I lost a little respect for them.
For sure. You did a line and it worked.
You're like, "Oh, you're idiots."
-Yeah. So you have that with Pete?
-With me.
-I'm making mental notes
-[Nikki] Okay.
and so far
he's got a lot of, like, negatives.
For saying
that plain rice isn't a showstopper.
You just basically said like, you know,
puppies and babies are ugly.
[laughter]
That's how I interpret it.
Chris, tell me I'm wrong.
-[Pete] I'm ready to be wrong.
-[Chris] I think puppies are delicious.
What? The other thing, right?
-[Pete] What are you saying?
-[Dave] Dude, you just
-What did you just do?
-A puppy is not delicious.
-[Pete] Nice.
-Wow.
So, uh, what I'm doing right now
looks a little funky,
but there's a dish
in Korean food called bindaetteok.
It's a mung bean pancake.
Doesn't look anything like this.
This is something my mom would make,
and it's like
What is now North Korea, they'd eat this.
And, uh, I feel like the origin of this
probably came from, like, India.
I could be wrong.
This is gonna be something like
how I like to think about food,
where I'm gonna take a dish and make it
into something that isn't that at all.
So it's gonna look like a dosa,
but it's not.
I'm taking some
of the vegetables that go in it,
which you may not be familiar with
'cause it's usually got pork.
I'm gonna make a nice little salad
in this mung bean crepe.
-Nice.
-And there's no That looks like eggy.
What's given? What is mung bean?
How is that you?
A paste that you use to?
[Dave] Mung bean. Where'd it go?
Where'd my mung bean go?
-Here it is.
-I picture this as mung beans.
I know these aren't mung beans.
Oh, okay.
It's a little green like bean.
-[Nikki] Oh, okay.
-Pea, like a split pea.
You take the shell off, you hydrate it,
and I blended it
with some rice and rice flour.
You should have left the rice alone,
to be honest.
-Like, why?
-[Dave] We're clear, you hate rice.
You hate rice.
[Chris] Nikki, it looked eggy.
Like, "That's not really vegan"?
-No. I was like
-[Pete] Fake vegan.
I like when things
I miss the consistency of eggs.
I'm a big consistency head.
I mean, like, I miss
Huge consistency.
I got COVID, you know, like we all did.
When I lost my, like, taste
Sense of taste.
I didn't really suffer at all
'cause I kept
I still eat things
for the consistency, I think.
-I would say like 75% texture person.
-A texture person.
And then the rest, taste.
Wow. How do you feel about bananas?
No. The flavor's good,
but the consistency isn't.
It's not like it hurts my
Like I don't like it.
But I like a springy, like
I like that egg consistency,
so I'm excited.
[Dave] Do you eat egg alternatives?
Is that something you do?
[Nikki] That JUST Egg stuff.
Done that. Yeah.
I don't hate it. Ooh, these look good.
Talk about consistency.
-[Dave] These are mushrooms.
-[Pete] I knew something.
[Dave] I should've gotten a bigger bowl
'cause now it's turning
into a big bowl of glue. Um
These are oyster mushrooms,
and I'm gonna deep-fry them.
And there's another dish
in Korean food called tangsuyuk.
That's more of a There's actually
Korean-Chinese food. Um
This is gonna be like replicating
what is normally a pork dish
with a sweet and sour sauce.
[Pete] Ooh, nice.
Dave, the Internet was wondering,
what's going on with that towel?
[Dave] That is because, uh,
I broke our donabe,
and I put that there
to help seal the steam.
I'm trying to make sure
that it's delicious,
so Pete doesn't judge me
for rice that he eats.
-'Cause it's crappy.
-I'm excited.
The Internet disinvited you
from the Asian cookout, Pete.
This commentary I'm getting.
-[Pete] Damn it!
-Uninvited.
[Dave] We're extending
the Asian card to Nikki, right?
-[Chris] You're in.
-[Nikki] Still down for plain rice.
We'll see how this goes.
There's a lot of show left.
A lot left to lose.
And if saying that plain rice isn't like
the most amazing thing in the world
is an offense,
I'm excited to see which, you know
It is. You couldn't have started off,
like, in a worse way.
I know, I feel it.
I feel awkward and strange.
-[Nikki laughs]
-[Dave] Um
But the batter was
I marinated it in some soy sauce,
some ginger, some pear.
Cream pear.
And I put it in a dredge of potato flour,
cornstarch, rice flour, corn
-[Nikki] Pear?
-Pear.
What made you choose pear?
Is that you being like, "All right"?
-[Dave] Smoking a lot of pot.
-Really?
-No, no, no.
-[Nikki] Okay.
Asian pear's in a lot of marinades
for Korean, like, beef or meats.
Got it. Okay.
And it bring that sweetness.
It also has something called malic acid
that pairs really well with soy sauce.
-I don't know why I'm explaining this.
-[Nikki] Yeah, you're
Can I ask what
your favorite compliment is?
-We're comedians and
-That's good.
I feel like I'm very particular about
how people appreciate what I do.
For example,
comedians don't like it if you say:
"How do you remember those words?"
Or, "You look like you're having fun."
We hate that.
We want, "That was funny, hilarious.
I laughed so hard."
What is the compliment you get
that you don't like?
And what is the one that you do like?
'Cause I'm struggling already.
I'm enjoying, but I don't wanna be a hack.
How do you guys know when you're actually
winning the crowd over?
-[Pete] What do you mean?
-When you know you're funny.
When there's movement.
It's not just like I kind of go for,
like, when I see heads going
or falling back, like, the body is moving,
not as much as the laughter
-because you can fake that.
-Yeah.
-But the movement, I kind of
-Tears.
-Yes.
-Tears.
And if you're hear the waitstaff laughing,
and they've heard it before.
What happens when you don't get that,
and then after your set,
somebody comes up to you,
and you're questioning, "Did I do well?"
They're like, "You were awesome."
You think they're lying?
-No. It's subjective.
-No. I believe them.
You can tell
when someone is just being nice.
In fact, that's 90%
of what my wife, Val, does for me.
-[Nikki] Really?
-[Pete] I'll get off stage, be like:
"What was that?" She's like, "Pete"
'Cause I'll focus on the one thing
that didn't work perfectly.
Then she's like, "People were dying."
But I don't know
if you can get to that next level
People remind me people are dying.
This is not a problem.
That's what I need to hear.
There's bigger problems
than your closer not working
as well as you wanted it to.
[Pete] That's so funny.
-I don't find that an effective strategy.
-It's not. I wish it were.
When you're up there, that's your reality.
Yeah. I had the same thing, this weekend,
of feeling like crap
when I walked off stage,
then I did a meet-and-greet,
and you can tell
I'm embarrassed 'cause I'm like,
"They'll have to be nice,
pretend they enjoyed it."
I can tell if they did or not,
and they did.
You think it's healthier
to think they didn't enjoy it?
I think so.
I think it keeps you progressing.
Which is why I never believe
in any compliment.
-[Nikki] You don't believe any?
-It's hard for me because
[Nikki] You think
you've tricked everyone to get to this?
Well, no. I think it's a lot
of neurotic behavior on my end, but
Blame my parents, but I can't tell
if someone's telling the truth,
but I'm looking for the physical reaction.
The reaction when someone
is eating is they can't talk.
They're having an out-of-body experience,
like, "This is amazing." Right?
-Yes.
-Or
I love that you have a talk show
where people eat.
-The best is when they don't talk.
-[Dave] It's so dumb.
But, uh, I find that the only time I know
when someone's not lying
is when they're being critical.
-[Pete] Oh, yeah.
-Isn't that mental?
-[Nikki] Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, but that's
You can't believe that
and not believe the good ones.
That Maya Angelou quote, she says,
"Don't pick it up, don't lay it down."
If you'll believe the bad ones,
believe the good ones too.
-And Yes.
-That's the rule.
[Dave] What I know is,
that mushroom I put in my mouth
was extremely, extremely hot.
[Pete] They warned us you'll eat anything,
no matter the temperature,
and we should blow.
I'm also someone
who has a really callous mouth
from eating so many hot things.
Um
But do you ever lose a layer of skin
on the top of your mouth all the time?
-Every day.
-[Nikki] Every day, right?
-Makes me tougher.
-[Nikki] Yeah.
-Do you have mouth callous?
-It's like this:
And you just swallow it, like
-I don't want a mouth callous.
-You've never done that, like burnt?
-I always
-Like a layer of skin?
It's a layer of skin like this
that you swallow.
You're like, "I guess
that will regrow at some point."
-[Pete] Like a sunburn.
-[Nikki] I eat things hot.
I eat so fast, I need things
to be hot to slow me down.
We're the same,
except it doesn't slow me down.
It doesn't either.
I work through it and burn my mouth.
I did the same thing.
So this is the fried oyster mushrooms
with a sweet and sour sauce,
based on the Korean tangsuyuk.
-[Pete] Thank you.
-[Dave] It's hot.
Nikki, you shouldn't have a problem.
Pete, wait a few minutes.
-Oh, my God.
-[laughter]
Sorry about the rice comments.
Jeez Louise.
We have an ongoing power ranking
of our guests that sit here.
There's a graphic we throw up,
with, currently, Pete sits
at number two on our rankings.
-We'll see if that moves
-[Dave] Wait, he's number two already?
-There's only two guests.
-I'm in last place.
Can I double-dip
a part I didn't bite from?
You can. Yes.
-[Nikki] It didn't touch my mouth.
-[Pete] I'll accept a double-dip.
A double-dip
but it's on the opposite side. Right?
It hasn't been eaten.
[Dave] What's wrong with double-dipping?
Let's be honest.
I don't care about it,
but I don't do it for other people.
But I wouldn't
-care, for my own self. Right?
-Really good.
I take that as a mediocre compliment.
"Really good." It's not,
"This is the best I've ever had."
You could've said,
"This is the best I've ever had."
-And I didn't.
-[laughter]
-I said, "Really good."
-See?
This batter is amazing.
-Is that better?
-It has something in it
-I'm feeling much more Yeah.
-Yes!
Yeah. Like, I usually, like,
I'm obsessed with the, um
I want the mushroom, but I'm missing it
because the batter is so thick, but
I'm someone who doesn't like batter,
but this is delicious.
[Dave] You don't like batter?
As someone who grew up with Diet Coke,
-fried foods
-Careful, Nikki.
One wrong step
and the rest of the show will be awkward.
If you don't say
that batter is incredible on its own,
you will be on the outs
for the rest of the episode.
It is really good.
I want you to believe me.
-Look how much more I'm eating.
-[Dave] I believe you.
Yes. Delish.
[Nikki] And what is the sauce?
[Dave] So that is soy sauce, vinegar,
a little sugar, cornstarch,
and a little chili pepper, that's it.
[Pete] I don't mind double-dipping
David, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
There's a lot of humanity back here.
We think food gets out to us
and it was made
in like a surgical environment.
But I feel like,
there's your hands,
there's gotta be some spit
-If I don't see it, I don't care.
-[Dave laughs]
You ever gleek and go, "It's gotta go!"
-I'm not trying to tell you
-I don't know how to gleek.
-Can you gleek?
-[Pete] Nobody gleeks on purpose.
Some people can,
but it always comes out accidentally.
It's landed on someone's face
I'm talking to before.
We have to act like it didn't happen.
-Or sweat. That's facts.
-Yeah.
But here's what I'm saying.
If AI takes over cheffery,
they're gonna have
to bring in the X factor of
a little bit of sweat,
a little bit of hand.
There's something
we're not putting our finger on
that we like about human-made food
that we'd miss in robot-made.
There are a lot of health departments
that'd rather all cooks,
-in professional kitchens, use gloves.
-[Nikki] No.
-[Pete] Really?
-Yeah.
And I was a smart-ass,
and I went to the health department
'cause I thought
that I did not agree with it.
This was in New York many years ago,
and they were saying they were gonna
make sushi restaurants wear gloves.
I was like, "You can't.
They need to feel the heat of the rice.
You'll take away
a millennia of tradition," and he's like:
"You're telling me a brain surgeon
can wear gloves and not?"
-I was like, "Yeah, yeah."
-[Nikki] That's a good point.
-But we're not eating the brain.
-[Dave] I know. I think, in general,
we're headed towards a period
where everyone will wear gloves.
-[Nikki] Really?
-Yeah. 'Cause of Pete.
It is disappointing when you see them
put them on, it just
In some ways, it's more unsanitary because
people don't wash their hands as much.
-[Nikki] Totally!
-[Pete] Ah.
And it's so wasteful.
It's so For every single,
you go to a salad place,
every order, take them off,
start a new one.
-It's just like, it's not good.
-Yeah.
[Chris] Nikki, Pete,
did you spend time in restaurants?
-Did you work in the industry?
-[Nikki] What?
Did you spend time
in the restaurant industry?
I worked all through college
in a Middle Eastern restaurant,
so I served for years there.
-I worked at California Pizza Kitchen
-[Dave] Oh, CPK?
for a couple summers. Yeah.
-The best.
-[Nikki] CPK. It is the best.
That was the hardest test
I've ever taken, studying that menu.
-It was one of
-[Dave] What was your pizza?
Um, I was I don't really think
I ate pizza at the time.
I had an eating disorder,
so I'd watch people eat
and be like, "Yes!"
It was during my dark days.
I was like,
"I'll have a salad with no dressing."
I never got I didn't treat myself,
but now it would be some
Now it's just that cheeseless pizza,
which is disappointing to people,
but I don't mind a vegan cheese.
-[Dave] You like vegan cheese?
-I don't hate it.
-But you like
-I'll eat it.
-I like the consistency.
-You like the almond cheese.
The ricotta. Like an almond
There's a pizza place in Brooklyn
that does incredible vegan pizza.
-Yes. Yes.
-It's very rare.
I just can't
I'm not saying it can't be good,
but it seems like
a bunch of nutritional yeast
and less about the almond.
-[Nikki] Yes.
-But
I don't like it too nutritional yeasty.
We don't need to lean on that so much.
And then your pee is bright orange.
-Too much B12 in that stuff.
-I would rather eat real things.
For me I'm not a raw vegan,
but eating a lot of raw foods
or real foods is way better than
You think raw's better?
[Pete] Not necessarily raw,
but the whole food, the real food,
as opposed to, like,
trying to be a chicken wing
-is much more satisfying for me.
-Agreed.
Why did you go vegan? And when?
[Pete] It's funny.
I actually took a break from being vegan
for the past
Well, I'd say I can't I didn't count,
but, like, for the past five months
I was much more lax about it.
And I missed it,
and it's mostly how I feel.
-But I don't preach about it.
-[Dave] It wasn't a moral basis?
No, I think
a lot of vegans like me become vegan
because it's healthy
and makes you feel good,
and then you co-opt the ethics,
if that makes sense.
Because once you're vegan,
you're emboldened to look into that
Yes.
-nightmare, horror.
You're not participating in it anymore
so you can go, "What am I not doing?"
But I don't preach.
I don't believe in the suffering
of animals, including humans.
I never like shaming people
And I actually very deliberately,
if I catch myself being too serious,
taking myself too seriously,
I'll cheat just to kind of like
Does that make sense?
Like you're being full of shit
or holier than thou.
Do you feel, though, because,
I mean, it's hard on a moral basis
to say, like, "That's wrong," right?
Veganism, vegetarianism, it's amazing.
I just I always try to say this
all the time. I can't
My stomach wants things
that are more powerful than
My argument to that would be,
and people won't like this,
and I don't shame people either
because this is, like, everyone does
Careful. One small step,
the rest of the things
[Nikki] This is gonna lose
a lot of people.
But it's, you know, I get that because
being vegan, there are sacrifices to it.
It's not like,
"Oh, I don't miss cheese and meat."
Of course I do.
But my argument is, you don't get
to do everything you want
just 'cause you're like, "But I like it."
Some people like to murder.
I would sometimes like
to murder someone, but I don't do it.
Or just hit someone
or drive over something with my car.
But you don't 'cause it causes harm.
Just because the urge is there
But I also don't care enough
I would never make anyone feel bad
'cause I was not vegan forever too,
and I get it.
What was the moment of clarity you had
that allowed you to take that jump?
I want to be clear that I'm not being,
like, "I'm such a good person."
But it was really, um 'Cause I'm not.
I'm a dirty comedian.
But I, uh When I got a dog
that was my own dog, not the family dog.
He was a rescue, so he was scared,
like he'd been traumatized.
Possibly an animal
that had been in a situation
that a lot of animals we eat come from.
And his fear and his trembling,
and I was like, "Oh, my God."
I would never let that happen
to him again.
But I'm eating things
that have only had that experience,
and I just saw other animals in him,
and I just couldn't do it anymore.
I had a friend that went vegan
'cause he watched The Shape of Water.
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah.
Where the guy, like,
has sex with the fish?
-[Pete] Yeah.
-Yeah.
And he was like, "That's it.
If these things are fucking people"
-[Dave] Couldn't have planned this better.
-[Chris] What are you making?
-What's the food situation over here?
-[Dave] All right, so I
Before we start, I told you
I was gonna make a soy milk noodle,
and this is Kongguksu.
This is something
that you might eat in Korea on a hot day.
We're not there,
but I was also trying to figure out
something vegan for you guys
that was filling.
And so I made a soy milk and I seasoned it
so it's a little bit savory,
a little bit salty, a little bit sweet.
And I also put some Traditionally,
you have it with cucumber and tomatoes.
And that's what you'll get
with some thin noodles.
And I dehydrated some tomatoes,
uh, which gives it
This is my favorite way
to eat cherry tomatoes.
-[Pete] Oh, nice.
-[Nikki] I've never had that. Looks good.
-[Dave] Here, you guys can
-Like sun dried tomatoes but no sun.
[Dave] Correct.
-Wait, why no sun?
-These are, like, dry
No, no, no.
You peel We peel You take
These are from
the Santa Monica Farmers Market.
We peel them and put them
in the dehydrator for a few hours.
-So it gets a bit concentrated.
-[Pete] Nice.
[Dave] And this is shiso oil.
So, um
-[Pete] What is shiso?
-[Dave] It is a herb.
[Nikki] No, I was gonna ask,
then I was like
-I'll show you.
-just act like I know what it is.
That was my whole thought process.
-I wasn't trying to shame.
-No, no.
-Does everyone know shiso?
-No.
-I thought it was something with shishito.
-[Pete] I thought it was that too.
-[Nikki] Can I taste it?
-You may not like it.
Not everyone does.
-Wait.
-[Dave] It's a little minty.
-Does this?
-No way!
[Dave] You know that flavor?
This is what I had
in a sushi roll last week.
-And I go, "Why is this so bad?"
-[laughter]
-Why?
-[Pete] Careful, Nikki.
I'm allowed to not like something.
But I like it as an oil.
-Something about it
-[Dave] It's neutral as an oil.
And I couldn't figure it out,
and so I had to
I took out one part of it and another,
and that was it.
I meant to Google it
to be like, "What was in that roll?"
Because it was Nobu
and it was the Chef's Special.
Yes, sometimes they put it on sushi.
I also sometimes don't care for it.
Is it a cilantro of Korean dishes
that people are divided on it?
It's definitely Japanese.
Korean is much more called kkaennip
or perilla leaf.
-Uh, and it's much stronger in flavor.
-[Nikki] Okay.
But I can understand why
people may not like shiso.
-It's a dividing
-[Chris] Very forgiving.
Nikki's opinions.
[Dave] Just saying that.
I don't really mean that.
We were about to drop her in the rankings.
But it's like cilantro.
People are completely divided on. Right?
-Uh, I think it's different than cilantro.
-Okay. Okay.
That is very hot.
I wouldn't be able to eat this
if it tasted like that.
And it doesn't.
It has the flavor but not the, um
Well, it's because we
By making the oil, you sort of break down
a lot of the flavor.
-So it's not nearly as strong.
-It's really good.
-It's like cereal noodles.
-It is like cereal noodles.
I love it!
I love anything just doused in milk.
I just want things
to be saturated in milk.
Like, uh, what's that?
What's the? Shortcake.
When you pour milk in it.
I like things soaked in milk.
I like soggy cereal.
I like milk just saturating it.
-So when you eat cereal
-I wait.
-[Dave] Wow.
-I wait.
-Is Milk Bar associated with Momofuku?
-It is. Christina Tosi started it.
-[Pete] It's so good.
-She's the person I get told I look like.
-[Dave] I never realized.
-And sound like.
Can we put a side by side
of Tosi and Nikki Glaser?
[Nikki] I always wanted to meet her.
-Tosi's like a sister.
-Really? I love her so much.
[Chris] Long-lost sisters.
[Dave] Um
[Pete] I went to Momofuku pre-veg.
So I've had everything back there
in New York. It was so good.
Milk Bar was incredible.
A lot of people would get stoned
before they'd wait in line and pop by.
-[Pete] That's the way. Man, so good.
-Is that what you're gonna stuff in there?
-[Dave] Mm-hmm.
-This is exciting. So good.
So this is, um Again, this is
It doesn't look like a mung bean,
but it is.
[Nikki] Just bite into it like a burrito?
I Good question.
How should we do this? Fork and knife.
-Or you could bite into it.
-Okay.
-I feel like fork and knife.
-For the camera.
[Pete] It's gonna be weird.
So, um, this dressing is really
So like, uh
In Korean food, there's this thing
called geotjeori, like a fresh kimchi.
That's what I'm doing
with these lettuces with scallions.
And I'm gonna stuff it.
So it's going to be spicy, tart,
but it's not, hopefully, too spicy.
-The spice level of this
-That's spicier than this.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-[Nikki] That didn't
-[Pete] That didn't Right.
I think we were both, uh
This was mild to me.
-You're underestimating us.
-Yeah.
Could I ask our two vegan experts here
to rank for me the non-dairy milks?
Rank the milks for us.
-[Pete] I think oat wins, right?
-Oat, number one?
-Oat tastes good.
-[Pete] Oat's good.
Oat with Cheerios? You ever double oat?
That's hot oat-on-oat action.
Oat is so good.
I think oat and soy are tied for me.
[Chris] That's banned in some states.
-[Pete] Soy?
-[Nikki] I really love soy. Yeah.
We know you're not a fan of the rice milk.
[Pete] Ah! Don't bring it back.
-[Dave] Well played.
-Don't bring it back.
-Almond milk, it's watery.
-[Dave] No.
You'll take soy over almond?
-Oat tastes the best.
-[Nikki] Oh, yeah.
Oat is, for me.
I prefer oat on cereal than regular milk.
-[Nikki] Really?
-Yeah.
They complement each other.
They're in the same family. I love it.
Oh!
[Pete] I've never had a good soy milk.
What's your brand?
Say it to the camera
and use your promo code.
Silk?
I think What do I do?
I don't really look at the
I don't look at labels.
Wait, what is the?
I just literally see the box.
-I guess Silk, probably.
-Yeah.
What's your brand?
-I get Califia.
-Yeah, that's the one.
-It's the plastic jug?
-Yeah.
Yeah. I like it.
It's got, like, an ass on it. [laughs]
[Pete] It does. I think that's why
I get it. Look at that bottle.
I'm not gonna dress it.
-[Pete] What?
-[Nikki] Okay.
-Thank you.
-This was delicious.
This is not something
you'd ever see in Korea.
Not something you'd ever see
in the Kerala region. Um
[Pete] The Adam Carolla region?
-Yeah. What was that?
-Kerala is a region in the southern
I'm gonna do
Look at that. That was fantastic.
-[Dave] You like texture?
-Oh, I love that crunch.
Oh, it feels so fresh too.
-And it's all veggies.
-[Dave] I'm winning over vegans.
[Nikki] It's like
I love it.
I love this.
I'll take more sauce.
-[Dave] Want more sauce?
-Yeah.
Gonna give you this.
I'll just dip it.
Thanks.
Is this an annoying?
Yeah, I was just gonna say.
When do you eat?
-[Chris] Right now.
-Is that an annoying chef question?
[Pete] You eat that like you picked up
a pigeon on 34th Street.
[laughter]
That was impressive. I loved it.
I gotta say, I think that
that came out pretty well.
-[Pete] Incredibly well.
-[Nikki] It's awesome.
-See? Who cares what?
-It's a perfect crisp.
-[Dave] I do like it.
-You like it?
I'm happy with that dish.
[Pete] Yeah.
Because it's neither here nor there.
That's the kind of food I like to do.
It still looks approachable. Tastes good.
[Nikki] It's awesome.
And it's the kind of food, um
that I would prefer to make, where
I hate having to make
a special meal for people.
Know what I mean?
I want everyone, if they're gonna dine,
we're all eating the same thing.
This is why
This is food I make all the time.
Like, my family eats
a lot of vegan, vegetarian food.
Not because I'm trying to do so.
It tastes good.
And that's what I get in the market.
That's something where, like,
I love falafel, you know?
Don't need to put meat in it.
It's delicious in and of itself.
That is annoying,
when I go somewhere and I'm vegan,
and people make a whole separate dish.
-You feel bad they even had to do it.
-Sorry. Am I smelling plain rice?
Now I'm excited.
[Nikki] You can Now you have
[Chris] The Internet's very impressed
by the crunch.
-You happy with the crunch?
-[Dave] It's really good.
-[Pete] Incredible crunch.
-[Nikki] I want to get next to my mic.
[Chris laughs]
[muffled] Did you get that?
One of the weirdest
I didn't know what you were doing.
"Is she trying to sneak this out
down your shirt?"
That was very weird.
I'm like, you can keep it.
I made a backup rice just in case.
So you can try some plain rice.
[Pete] I do wanna try it.
I wanna be wrong. I'm here to learn.
[Nikki] I guess
you never try plain rice, right?
I think somebody took my chopsticks.
[Dave] There might be more in the drawer.
Nice! There's not.
I'll use a fork.
[Chris] But the banchan is supposed
to be eaten with rice anyway, right?
Yeah.
You're supposed to eat this with rice.
-These guys?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Here's a learning moment for me.
Why didn't you use the rice you made?
'Cause I'm gonna serve this one
for the last course, the avocado rice.
-I think because
-Compared to everything we've had,
-this is not gonna
-[Dave] I know. That's the problem.
-You should've eaten the rice first.
-[Nikki] I stand with Pete.
-I'm switching to your side.
-I appreciate that.
I think it is because we're following it
with all these incredible flavors.
-[Dave] That's on me. That was stupid.
-No, man.
-I've let all Asian people down.
-[Nikki] No.
[Chris] Come on, defend your rice.
-The milky queen.
-[Pete] That's really good.
I mean, did you grow up eating rice?
I mean, that's a great question.
My mom's Lithuanian.
Nothing?
-[Dave] I only know that
-I was like, really?
Luka Dončić is from Lithuania, right?
-No?
-I don't know who that is.
-[Dave] No?
-Luca Dunga?
-Basketball player.
-Okay.
I imagine they are. We grow them tall.
I'm 6-foot-6, Lithuanians. Uh
But we didn't eat a ton of rice.
-I think we would eat rice sometimes.
-Yeah.
-We ate a lot of beets.
-Oh, yeah.
-[Nikki] You ate beets?
-[Pete] Yeah. Your least favorite food.
I don't mind it.
Oh, really? Becky told me
that you hate beets.
I don't I think that's fake news, man.
We try to pit you guys
against each other in the pre-interview.
-[Pete] I could see that.
-Yeah. They definitely did.
[as Trump] Nikki Glaser loves beets.
-[Dave] Whoa. That's a good one.
-Beautiful beets.
-That's so good.
-Beets love me.
[Nikki] I love beets.
I think that they do taste earthy.
That's the complaint. They taste dirty.
-Like dirt. Not dirty. "Dirt-y."
-[Pete in normal voice] Becky told me.
But, um, I like to get
I don't I never like, um
Do you know grounding,
where you walk without your shoes on?
-I live in California.
-You know. Yeah.
What's?
-[Pete] Grounding.
-You're supposed to walk on the earth.
We're always walking on floor.
We're not connected to the earth.
So you're supposed to spend
a couple minutes a day
walking with your feet barefoot
on the earth, the ground.
Does it do stuff for you? Do you do it?
[Pete] If there's anything worse
than explaining veganism,
it's explaining earthing to people.
-Is it called earthing?
-Earthing, grounding.
-And I'm opting out.
-Okay.
No, I'm JK. I'm JK. It's good.
There's something about
the electromagnetic something
about the Earth.
You sync up with the Earth
when you walk barefoot.
I will say this. If you fly to Australia,
like, a huge flight,
and you're in an airplane
for, like, 12, 15 hours,
walking barefoot in the park,
really good to, like,
acclimate to that area.
That's the most practical use I've
-In the park in Australia?
-[Pete] Go to any grass.
Look like you're having
a schizophrenic breakdown.
-Barefoot.
-Talk to yourself. Stare in the distance.
[Nikki] Staring at the ground.
[Dave] Chris, you ever heard of grounding?
You walk around barefoot
to become in sync with the Earth.
-[Pete] Or Backstreet Boys with the Earth.
-No.
You can also
Take a shower is grounding.
Swimming in the ocean is grounding.
The reason I mention that is
those things make you feel really good.
I think it's greater
than just the hot water.
There's something about the pipes
being in the earth and connecting you.
Let's talk about pet psychics next.
[laughter]
'Cause I love to be a man of the people
trying to move tickets in Pennsylvania.
So let's hit
these really relatable topics.
Are you guys shoes-on inside the house
and shoes-off outside?
-Do you wear your shoes in the house?
-Yeah.
-[Chris] Interesting.
-I really don't care.
-I currently have a five-minute bit
-I could switch.
about how you shouldn't have
to take your shoes off.
But I'm not doing it. I already have
shots fired in the Asian community.
Right.
I'm not going down for rice and shoes.
Sometimes we get shit for making
people take their shoes off in our house.
But you guys are saying you like to have
no shoes outside but shoes inside.
-There you go.
-[Dave] That seems a little weird.
-[Chris] Interesting.
-No, I think it's a good idea to
I'm ashamed of my feet, though.
That's part of my bit.
I'm at a dinner party. You're gonna
make me take out my stinky wet ones?
Right here?
Leaving sock prints
on the linoleum in your kitchen?
I can wear shoes at the Vatican?
-Sweaty sock prints?
-Exactly.
What about a house that has,
uh, slippers that you can use?
[Nikki] That's great.
-That's what we do.
-That's wonderful.
A lot of times when I leave it hanging,
I got cold feet,
'cause I'm like a loft apartment,
it's hard to keep me warm.
I find it to be really hard
to not take off my shoes.
Even in a house when I enter
and it's shoes indoors as well.
-You're just used to it. It feels right.
-Yeah.
Obviously, it makes perfect sense.
The observation I have on stage is
I'm thinking
of my friends Sam and Ariella,
they ask you to take your shoes off.
These houses always have dogs, though.
Like, which is it?
Are we keeping it clean,
or are we letting this dog that
just had loose diarrhea on your lawn,
didn't wipe and trotted back in
proud as a pooch. Like, which is it?
[stammers] I got two dogs,
and we always wipe our
-[Pete] Do you?
-Yeah.
Full respect.
I knew you had an answer to this.
Sam and Ariella are not wiping their dogs.
[Chris] Dog slippers.
Give them their own slippers.
[Dave] We wipe our dogs' feet
all the time.
The Internet seems concerned with how
you measure the water with your rice.
They're very concerned
with how you're cooking this.
I refuse to measure.
So everything is by Force.
I use the Force. I just eyed it.
Has that always been your way?
You don't measure anything?
At this point, you could get by,
but from the beginning?
-Pretty much. It's called "being stupid."
-[Nikki] Instinct?
Not instinct, stupidity.
I would have saved a lot of time.
-You do with a lot of error because
-[Dave] Out of laziness. That's it.
I think that's a really interesting point
of something you get prided on,
like, "Wow, he doesn't measure."
But it comes from a place of being
Like, things will start being like,
"I don't ever write down my sets."
There's no place
where my jokes are written in my life.
-[Pete] Written out?
-Written out. In my life anywhere.
-[Pete] You have set lists?
-[Nikki] Not really.
[Dave] What do you feel
about people that?
It's not because I'm a genius
that can remember it.
That's just,
"Oh, it's out of sheer laziness."
Are you jealous of people
that write everything?
Yes. You can be
a much better comedian that way.
Remembering things you said,
and going back and reviewing.
I feel like there is a connection
between, um, chefs and comedians,
is that I like comedy because it's gone
after you do it, like live stand-up.
You're not reviewing it for weeks on end.
That's why specials stress me out,
'cause people can watch it again
and judge it.
At a live show, it's what happened,
and now it's gone,
-and we move on to the next thing.
-Yeah.
Seinfeld says
it was reviewed in the moment.
-[Nikki] Yeah!
-You don't have to review stand-up
-So you never watch your shows?
-Never.
I do. I don't know
what she's talking about.
This is two different types of comedians.
I don't review anything.
I don't like to watch things that I do.
-Oh, Nikki. I hate it.
-I know! Yeah. That's true. But I
I'm not trying to shame you.
I want you to know that I'm with you.
-I'll take that to go.
-Can I give you a tip? A pro tip?
-Yes!
-Not to Pete-splain
I just wanna say you're right.
Some people do like to listen
to themselves.
-Who?!
-Narcissists.
-Yeah.
-"Look how much I killed."
-I really like that you're, like, "No."
-It's the worst part of my job.
-Yeah, yeah.
-But here's my pro tip.
You watch it if it's a movie Or audio.
Watch on QuickTime
in playback speed double.
You can listen to your hour in 30 minutes.
You're just looking for words.
Do you listen to your podcasts
or you let that go?
That's a generous question.
My wife and I do a bonus episode
on Friday of my podcast,
and sometimes I'll put that on
'cause I love listening
to me and my wife laughing.
-I could get behind that.
-You know what I mean?
-That's so adorable.
-It is now that I hear you say it.
-That's really sweet.
-But I very rarely will listen to it.
[Nikki] I love that.
Let me give you an update
on what's happening.
So this is called, uh
It's like avocado rice.
This is something
that my mother-in-law taught me.
I never would think about
putting avocado on rice
other than if you're eating sushi
at a Nobu or something.
But this is a sauce that, uh,
you might see in, like,
every Korean household.
It's soy, vinegar, rice wine vinegar,
a little sugar, garlic.
This is like the holy trinity
of the same ingredients in Korean food.
And I think this is super tasty
with the fattiness of the avocado.
-Not gonna be plain rice.
-[Pete laughs]
I think you're ruining it.
If you wanna add to that, go ahead.
I'll slice a bunch of avocado.
-Okay.
-Nice!
-It'll be good.
-[Pete] I'm excited.
-Did I miss anything?
-[Chris] No.
-The dressing is pretty special.
-[Nikki] I'm so excited about that.
Maybe you guys wanna taste that.
We're already double dipping.
-I have a spoon.
-Just dip some rice in it?
[Dave] I'm looking
at your chopstick skills, like, "Oh, no."
Really, what am I doing wrong?
My fear was that a bit of rice
was gonna get stuck in there.
-Nope.
-[Chris] Whoa. Pro move.
I didn't get much sauce on it.
Oh, really? Thank you!
I'll just adjust those power rankings.
Nikki's back up on top.
-[Dave] Nikki's always been number one.
-Even I agree with that.
[Dave] All right.
[Chris] The kids will eat this at home?
Kids and adults?
-My kids don't eat avocados.
-[Nikki] They don't?
My kids only eat chicken fingers.
Both of them.
-[Pete] How old are they?
-Five and two.
-That makes sense.
-They like all brown foods.
-[Chris chuckles]
-My daughter is 5, and she would
She likes avocado, but I'm with you.
They get stingy.
They eat everything for a time
and then they stop.
[Dave] That's it.
I could trick my daughter
into eating smoothies.
Then she got wise that I was sneaking
the healthy stuff in there.
[Nikki] Gotcha.
-Is your daughter a vegetarian or vegan?
-[Pete] No.
It's funny. Maybe you can relate.
There's things that are important to me,
but I don't want to ruin them
by forcing them.
-Yes!
-[Dave] Right.
I have my values and those hopefully
will be interesting to her, but
-[Nikki] And what are those?
-[Pete] Well
[laughter]
Honestly, my daughter tends
to be more vegetarian on her own.
We were real frank with her.
Not in a scary
My wife eats meat,
but we weren't, like, in a scary way.
'Cause we had a friend,
and he was, like, 7.
And they told him
that chicken was dead chicken,
and the quote we always say is, he goes:
"There's chicken in chicken?"
We're like, "We're not doing that."
My daughter's fierce.
She's like a warrior. Got warrior energy.
We couldn't wait to tell her
that animals were killed for the food.
She likes it.
She's got like a in-the-wilderness-
hunting kind of energy.
But then, as she gets older,
she just doesn't want meat.
It's one of the strange things
that she's not into.
Even if we are trying
to get some protein into her.
She'd rather have avocado and rice.
I thought of her when you were like,
"I wouldn't normally put avocado on rice."
'Cause that's a go-to meal for us.
[Nikki] I can't imagine
being a kid touching avocado.
-[Pete] As a texture?
-Yeah.
-[Dave] Do you like avocado in general?
-I love avocado.
I like guacamole.
Avocado, I don't not like it
-Really?
-but this texture is not
Interesting. Vegan fun fact.
Often, when you're craving meat,
you're missing a fatty food.
That's why avocado
-That's probably what I'm missing.
-Nikki's point total is going down.
[Nikki] I'm just being honest.
I don't want to lie.
But I will
I do enjoy it when I do have it.
But it's not something I seek out.
I love guacamole.
-To me Oh, sorry.
-No.
To me, like, a perfect vegan meal
would be avocado, tomato,
cucumber in a bowl,
maybe some tofu,
apple cider vinegar, and olive oil.
Some garlic, and salt, and just mix it up.
That's what I mean when I'm like:
"I don't wanna eat
Kevin Hart deep-fried fake chicken."
-You know he has that vegan restaurant?
-[Nikki] Yes.
[Pete] That's a good cheat meal for me,
but like a go-to
-[Dave] Kevin Hart has a vegan restaurant?
-[Pete] I think he does.
And no shade here.
That's what I would eat as a cheat,
but the main reason I like eating
that way is it gets you high.
There's something about living raw,
simple food that makes you feel clean.
Yes.
When I was more preachy about my veganism,
I would tell people it gets you high.
That's what no one's telling you.
-Green juice gets you high.
-Oh!
A smoothie packed
with tons of stuff gets you high.
And eating like a hoagie makes
you feel like you need a nap.
-That was my main way in.
-Or gets you high.
-I know.
-Does a hoagie get you high?
-Of course it does. I love a hoagie.
-[Nikki] I mean, that's why people do it.
I feel like, eat crap,
'cause it gets you high.
It doesn't initially,
then it wears off immediately.
[Pete] Like pre-show foods.
I wasn't vegan when I shot my special.
And I had a turkey sub
before I went on stage,
and it was fantastic.
So I'm with you.
I'm just saying, more consistently,
a bowl of living veggies
makes me feel nice.
Now, seaweed, I could eat it all day long.
-[Dave] Really?
-It's so good.
Are those seaweed snacks?
Always crumble them up into everything.
[Dave] This is unflavored,
so you may not love it as much,
'cause it's super, super clean.
-[Nikki] No, I'm into it.
-Yeah?
Yeah, it's 'cause
it's just like a sushi roll.
Kids also like those.
Will your kids eat those?
[Nikki] I love this.
Nonstop.
The only vegetable that they'll eat.
[Pete] Isn't that crazy? Why?
-I'm just waiting for them to change.
-[laughter]
[Pete] Did you meet your?
Are you still with the kids' mom?
[Dave] Mm-hmm.
-[Pete] I don't wanna be weird here.
-Hi, Grace!
Did you? Was your cooking
a big part of your courtship?
No, I didn't cook at all for the first
Almost six months, I didn't cook.
-[Pete] Really? Why?
-Yeah.
-Wait, you were a chef?
-Yeah, yeah.
-And you just?
-She thought for a while that I was lying.
'Cause I didn't cook
and we'd order in when we were
-[Nikki] What?
-[Pete] Hilarious.
-Wait, why?
-I did that with my wife.
I wasn't funny for six months.
[Dave] I didn't have any, like, plates.
Or pots and pans,
'cause I never cooked at home.
-[Nikki] Right, right.
-Yeah.
-[Pete] Cool.
-You weren't avoiding it?
No. The idea of me cooking was, like,
a real serious step in our relationship.
So I wasn't like
As a guy, I was like: Oh!
When I did it, I made pasta,
and that was it.
-Did she love it?
-She cooked for me first. She made chili.
-Bold. Gangster.
-[Nikki] I'd be so nervous.
-[Dave] I know.
-[Pete] "Let me cook for you."
-Was it good?
-Delicious.
She's not gonna see this. Was it good?
She's not watching.
She's with your kid,
eating chicken fingers.
That is incredible.
[Dave] Um, I forgot. I should dress this
so you guys can get into here.
[Pete] Do you have feelings
on why kitchens, like, thrive?
Like, comedians love our damage, right?
We like that we grew up
and it was chunky-funky and strange.
That made us funny.
There's something about
how kitchens are so volatile
and kind of intense.
-Is there a belief that that's good?
-It's like a sport.
But you guys are broken too, right?
I'm friends with a lot of comedians.
And there's a reason
why comedians and chefs are friends.
-[Nikki] Yeah.
-'Cause we're sad on the inside.
-[Nikki] And workaholics.
-[Pete] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Nikki] Very sad.
And thrive on a certain chaos.
And chaos and pressure and deadlines.
But if you went to a restaurant
and the kitchen was calm
and easy
I don't mean just volume.
Like, it's almost boring.
Would you be skeptical of it?
If I meet a comedian who's not anxious,
I'm like, "This dude doesn't have it."
-You know?
-Well
At some point,
that can be a sign of mastery as well.
Where you're like, "I know everything
that's coming down.
I've already planned everything.
Everything else can go fuck off."
-You know?
-[Pete] Yeah.
And there are some chefs
that are that good, and you know
-But it's few. Few and far between.
-Wow.
Do you think there's something
about the suffering and the pain
and even the fear?
Like the, "Chef, yes, chef!"
and all of that,
that's like, "Let's mimic the trauma
that turned us into chefs, back here"?
And isn't there an almost-perverse kink
to bring it out to the normies
with the tablecloths, the quiet,
and they're eating it on their dumb dates,
and you're back there
and it's Apocalypse Now,
and you're like,
"It's fucking Is it ready?"
You're bleeding,
the little condom on your finger
Like, is that part of the fun for you?
[laughter]
Yeah, Pete, you're so right.
Like, if it wasn't that way,
would you not like it as much?
Um, I think that I loved the
Here's the funny thing.
Cooking is
Like, cooking in a serious,
professional kitchen is interesting
because you have people
that can't even, like,
do their own laundry.
[Pete] Yep.
[Dave] Have their clothes in a trash bag,
but when they put on the whites,
they're a four-star surgeon, you know?
[Pete and Nikki] Yes.
[Dave] It doesn't make any sense
why they would take something so serious.
But the funny thing is,
I love sports and there's camaraderie,
but also this aspect of who could be
the funniest person on the line.
And I've always said, a healthy kitchen,
a good kitchen, is somebody where
A place where
there's just constant laughter.
-Yeah.
-Always roasting somebody.
-More or less.
-[Nikki] Yes.
[Pete] Wow.
[Chris] Do you think that
that damaged vibe extends to the front,
your servers,
and everybody in the restaurant?
-[Dave] I don't know.
-[chuckles]
I mean, I do know
that there's similarities
with cooks and comedians, that's for sure.
I wanna see this whole thing
that you just did.
[Chris] Yeah, look at that.
-I wanna wear it like a necklace.
-Wear it like a snake
at the farmers market.
[Dave] The funny thing is, like
This is a true story. My
-[Nikki] It's kind of beautiful.
-My [stammers]
My dad saw my mom in Korea in a park
peeling a pear like that.
And he thought that was
the most romantic thing in the world.
That's why he's like,
"I gotta marry this woman."
I was like,
"I don't think that's romantic."
[Nikki] That's so cute.
That's like Pete listening to his podcast
that his wife's on. So sweet.
I know.
I sometimes think that when I'm old,
like real, real old,
I'll listen to my own podcast.
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah.
[ice-shaver grinding]
'Cause I'll miss me, you know what I mean?
I want to remember what it was like
when I was with my friends.
-Oh, that's sweet.
-Nikki has a great episode.
Oh, yeah. You
[Chris] Before you get too far into this,
Dave, what are you doing?
[Dave] I'm making dessert.
-And, uh, this is like a toy ice-shaver.
-[Pete] Wow.
[Nikki] I'm picking this
'cause I really like this.
-[Pete] Really good.
-[Dave] You enjoy it?
-[Pete] It's good.
-[Nikki] I love it.
-[Dave] How's the rice, Pete?
-Delicious.
I would have preferred it naked.
-You're back in. Got your Asian card back.
-[Chris chuckles]
-Yes!
-But
I have to say, it was hard
to figure out a vegan dessert,
but shaved ice is something that,
you know
It's with coconut milk, so this is not
No dairy.
-[Pete] There you go.
-[Nikki] We forgot coconut milk.
Where does that rank?
[Pete] I cook with coconut milk,
but I don't really drink it.
I would never drink a glass
of oat milk, though.
No. I think when I was
I do, sometimes.
It would be I never think to.
When I was growing up, I would only
drink cow milk for, like, hydration.
I'd come home playing basketball
and I'd chug, like, half a gallon of milk.
Nobody explained that maybe that wasn't
I think I had my first glass of water
when I was 28.
I'd go to people's houses and they'd
have water on the table, not milk.
And I was like, "What is this,
the dust bowl? What is happening?"
It's so sad that drinking water
is, like, hard to do.
-Yeah! In the '80s
-[Nikki] We're so, like: [groans]
Some people had to walk eight miles
-[Pete] Yep. To pump it themselves.
-[Nikki] Yes.
-And we're like, "I can't today."
-[Pete] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm back on Diet Coke. So
-D.C.
-I love it so much.
-Why is it like?
-[Dave] I know.
When I have a Diet Coke,
it feels as naughty as a cigarette.
-Same feeling.
-[Dave] You know what's better?
-Having a cigarette and a Diet Coke.
-[Nikki] I can't imagine. I can't imagine.
Did you know "flavor profile,"
one of the things they put into the taste
of Diet Coke was the flavor of cold?
-Did you know that?
-What?
That's why if you drink a warm Diet Coke,
it still kind of registers as cold.
Totally.
[Dave] I don't know
if it does register as cold to me.
-Doesn't? That's what I heard.
-No.
-I think I know what you're talking about.
-The flavor of cold.
Also, I did this thing with Doritos.
And they told me
that they could make any smell,
they could make a flavor.
And they told me that sometimes
they get crazy in the kitchen,
and they made a Dorito
that tastes like fear.
'Cause that's a pheromone.
[Dave] Well, speaking of fear,
I think there's audience watching
that are now fearful,
because of what we could
and couldn't talk about.
-[Pete] We did?
-Yeah.
-We are?
-I know. Can you believe that?
-I didn't try the dessert yet.
-It flew by.
[Dave] Crazy.
-Thank you, guys.
-[Nikki] It was so good.
-[Pete] It's over?
-I know.
I can't believe
we got a personal meal from you.
It's like, this is the
This is the best part of doing what we do.
The treat is all here.
It's great to finally cook for you, and
-It's an honor.
-You've been waiting for years.
I've been watching you guys for years.
-Thanks, man. Likewise.
-[Pete] Really appreciate it. Thank you.
[theme music playing]