Empty Nest (1988) s01e12 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery One by one, we fill the days We find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on I got it.
I got it.
Okay, you got it.
Ah, we almost got it.
Dreyfuss, come on.
Out of the way.
Come on, dreyfuss, move.
Dreyfuss, time for dinner.
There.
- All right.
- Sure.
Here you go, and then there.
There you go.
That's great.
Huh? Isn't this wonderful? I mean, I love just the idea of it, a study.
I've always wanted a room all for myself where I could be alone, you know, to sit and think and read.
Something wrong with your bathroom? Thank you for your help, Charles.
What? What do I get? Nothing.
- Nothing? - Nothing.
Charley, look, now, you borrow my clothes.
You drink my beer.
You eat my food.
Isn't that enough? It was before you started with this moving business.
Good-bye, Charles.
Carol: Daddy, where are you? Up here, Carol, in your old room.
Charley: Don't help him move.
You don't get anything.
Hi, daddy.
I'm late for work, so Oh, my god.
My room.
What have you done to my room? Ha, I've turned it into a study.
I wanted to have it all done before I showed it to you.
Wait Something wrong? Wrong? No.
What could be wrong? I grew up in this house, and now I have no room here.
There is no memory of me left in this house.
Why should that be a problem? - Barbara: Daddy? - I'm up here, baby.
I had no idea this would upset you so much.
This is great.
What a wonderful idea.
Sure, big talk from the one who still has a room.
It's my new study, huh, though your sister seems to be a little upset about that.
She's upset? Look what I got in the mail yesterday.
My apartment building is going condo.
Oh, you know, Barbara, this is a good building you're in.
Maybe you should get a loan and buy in.
I don't think so.
My credit rating is a little off.
How off? I now get letters from the collection agency that start out, "dear Barb.
" How does this happen? I don't know.
I started out with a very good system.
Every time I'd get in too deep with one credit card, I'd get a cash advance from the other to bail me out.
Everything was fine until the visa people got greedy and demanded more than the mastercard people were willing to give.
So you paid them.
No, I applied for American express.
I mean, I don't believe this.
Wait till you hear this.
American express expects full payment every 30 days.
What do they think? I'm made of money? Barbara, this is crazy.
You can't use one credit card to pay off another.
That's just accumulating debt.
I mean, what if everybody did that? What if nations did that? They do that.
Barbara, you've got to clear this up.
I don't have to do anything except go to work.
They put a lien on my salary until I pay off the full $15,000.
- Oh.
- Oh, my god.
Yeah, that interest really sneaks up on you, doesn't it? Barbara, this is very serious.
Forget it.
It's handled.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Where are you going to live? Well, she'll live here.
How humiliating.
The minute something goes a little wrong, moving back to your parents house, living in your childhood bedroom, which, in case you were concerned, Barbara, has been preserved as a shrine right down the hall.
I'm not living here.
I'm moving in with frank.
Frank? Frank? I don't think I've heard this frank name before.
Daddy, I can't live with you.
I'm an adult.
And I know you.
There would be rules and curfews, and you would listen in on my telephone conversations.
I never did that.
Oh, really? So when Jolie moss was explaining the facts of life to me, who was that on the other line screaming, "it's a lie! It's a lie!" Frank isn't he the one who could touch his nose with his tongue? Don't help me, Carol.
And this is mine.
Besides, daddy, if I lived here, I'd be constantly worried about invading your privacy.
That has nothing to do with this.
I'm putting my foot down.
There's no living with frank.
Listen to yourself.
I don't even live here, and you're already telling me what to do.
Come on, sweetheart.
No, it wouldn't be like that if you lived here.
I mean, I promise.
There no rules.
No, daddy.
And don't worry, frank is just a buddy.
We've been on the force together for years.
He's a cop, and he's a gentleman, friend of mine.
Engaged to a friend of mine.
It'll be like living with a brother.
Barbara: Frank, that better be your nightstick! I don't believe it.
I mean, I just can't believe that frank would try something like that.
Yeah, well, the doctor said he'll be fine.
He just can't touch his nose with his tongue anymore.
Well, moving back must be very strange for you.
Yeah, I just keep telling myself, "it's only temporary.
It's only temporary.
" Well, I certainly couldn't move back.
I mean, it would be tough to get on with the normal steps in your life Finding someone you love, learning to care for each other.
Begging him to come back.
All right, Barbara baby, I put all your towels in the linen closet.
Ha ha, this is great.
You're home.
Yay.
What is it with you girls and this independence stuff? Come on, you don't really want to be alone.
You need some closeness.
You need some companionship.
Daddy, I like living alone.
What's wrong with a little company at the breakfast table? Pancakes on Sunday, someone to talk to, someone to share your day with? Pancakes Come on, it's gonna be like old times.
We'll have long conversations and Saturday night card games.
I have plans Saturday nights.
Conversation Chatting with something you don't have to water.
No, remember? Remember how much fun we used to have? We'd start off with some crazy eights, go into old maid.
Daddy, those are children's games.
I think I'm a little beyond playing old maid.
Well, I seem to have embraced it as a lifestyle.
Come on, come on.
I'm not gonna interfere with your plans.
While you're living here with me, dear, you will be treated as a responsible adult.
Thank you.
In fact, look what I found in your closet, your old blackboard.
"Carol is a" what? Carol is a what? Carol is a is a Is a big sister.
Isn't that right? Okay, fine.
Now that you're moving in here, we shall have no - rules! - Okay, daddy.
Thank you.
I love you.
Okay, I'm gonna hang this in the kitchen.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
I'm meeting Chuck.
Okay Chuck, wait.
Who's Chuck? See you tomorrow, daddy.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
"See you tomorrow.
" What does that mean? What does that mean? I mean, like, I shouldn't wait up? Or she's not coming home until tomorrow? I mean, and what about this mess? When is she gonna clean it up? Daddy, what's your problem? According to you, you're living with a responsible adult.
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha.
Barbara, please.
Now, you got to stop leaving these kind of messages.
Every time you break something, he's mad at me for the rest of the day.
You broke a vcr, wrecked the day.
Blew up the microwave, wrecked the day.
Oh, all right.
If it's that important, what is it? "Let the toaster dry before you plug it in.
" I'll tell him.
Uh-huh, bye-bye.
Well, dear, his colic is fine.
I know thumb-sucking really, really is okay.
And the twins Dr.
Freedman tells me the twins look great on the ultrasound.
Mm.
And you how's that headache? Any better? Mm Ehh.
She thinks she's got trouble now.
Wait till those kids grow up and leave home and then move back home.
Have we heard anything from Barbara today? No, not a word.
Good.
But I wouldn't eat any toast tonight.
You know, you seem a mite tired of this livin' arrangement already.
It's only been four days.
Well, her mother did not raise her to live like this, Laverne.
I mean, really, hamburger wrappers, piles of clothes.
I'll tell you what did it.
It's her being a cop.
All her priorities have changed.
She spends her afternoons drawing chalk marks around dead people.
Who has time to dust? Did you forget something, Mrs.
sprague? Morning, Barbara dear.
Ah, what's in the news? Barbara's still in bed.
I'm Chuck.
You must be Harry.
Nice mug.
Barbara! Barbara! Oh, no.
You said you'd be gone by 7:00.
Gosh, how time flies when When you have no idea what time it is.
Uh, oh, I left it up by the bed.
Chuck, I'll mail it to you.
Good-bye.
- Daddy - Vut-vut-vut-vut-vut-vut.
Now, Barbara, I like to think of myself as a modern man.
I mean, I believe in the e.
R.
A.
I have no prejudices.
I own a digital watch.
Did I mention the e.
R.
A.
? Daddy, I'm sorry.
He wasn't supposed to be here when you got up.
Actually, we were gonna go to his place, but his mother's visiting.
Hey, if it's any consolation, I was home by 11:00.
Barbara dear, I think you may be missing the point.
See, I cannot have I mean, the idea of Like that In this house Uh Like what? Daddy, you said I could live here the same way I lived in my apartment.
I mean, really, in my apartment, do you think I was celibate? Yes.
Daddy, you're not the only one who's embarrassed here.
Now, I know this is something we should have discussed and then eased into.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
There's no there's no discussion necessary.
- What does that mean? - What does that mean? That means, rule one: No Chuck.
Wait a minute.
What happened to "no rules"? Why are you acting like this all the sudden? Barbara, this is not all of a sudden.
This has been five very long days in coming.
Daddy, I said I was sorry about Chuck.
This is not only about Chuck.
This is about the whole living arrangement.
This is about nights with the television blaring from your room, going in your room and finding not only the TV but the stereo and every light in the universe on.
Barbara, hoover dam called.
They're a little tired and was hoping that perhaps we could turn a few things off.
That's what this is all about.
Utilities? Yes, utilities.
Number two: We turn things off, starting with Chuck.
We can't have rules like this if I'm supposed to be able to live my life the way I want to.
Rule three: Change lifestyle.
Daddy, you're acting like I'm 12 years old.
This has got to stop.
No, this does not have to stop.
As long as you're living under this roof, you will go by my rules.
Fair enough.
Rule four: Good Bye.
That's not a rule.
Did you tell him you were leaving? I would have, but I think he has a rule against it.
So where are you going to stay? Oh, god.
Carol, it's only temporary.
Everything in your entire life is temporary.
Yeah, but only for a little while.
Everything your finances, your living arrangements, your boyfriends.
How do you stand it? Well I guess when things are temporary, I don't expect much.
When I expect things, I get disappointed.
Oh, maybe that's it.
I expect things all the time, and I'm disappointed.
I'm disappointed that I haven't had a child yet.
I'm disappointed that I haven't gone further in my career.
And I just can't believe what is happening to my upper arms.
So can I stay here? Just until I make other arrangements? Would you be disappointed if I said no? Yes, but only temporarily.
Charley: Anybody home? No.
That sounded like one of those "boy, I could use some company now" nos.
Why so glum, chum? Barbara moved out.
Well, I'm not surprised.
I saw rule 12.
Oh, I feel terrible.
Gee, I'm sorry.
That's rough.
I know the loss you must be feeling right now.
What's for dinner? Come on, Charley.
Hey, you really are upset.
Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm here.
Let me be your sounding board.
Charley, I really blew it.
I don't know what I was expecting, but I mean, Barbara's exactly the same person she's always been.
I'm the one who changed.
I mean, I just can't stand the clutter anymore, the late nights, the noise, the worrying.
You know, you like to think that you keep up, and then something like this comes along and you find out that you're really very set in your ways.
You know what that makes me, don't you? Old.
And young people cannot bear being with old people.
So She's gone.
Charley? Charley? Hi.
It's 9:00.
So? We were having dinner together at 7:00.
Well, let's have it now.
We can't.
It's outside in the trash.
Cats are eating it.
Oh, okay, then.
Though god knows they should still be full from the casserole you missed last night.
I'll be in my room.
I thought we could go to the movies.
I can't.
I have work to do.
Oh, again? Carol What is is? We never go out anymore.
Anymore? The closest you and I ever came to going out was the night I cut my hand and you had to take me to emergency.
So, what, you're saying you didn't have a good time? I don't know which is worse, you or daddy.
I mean, maybe daddy treats me like a child, but Carol, you're trying to turn me into your whole life.
Well, that is just ridiculous.
For your information, I happen to have a very fulfilling and exciting life.
The last thing I need is you to build my world around.
I have done things and seen people that you have only dreamed of.
Okay, I'm sorry.
You want to hear about some of them? Good.
Now, go change into your nightie.
I'll make us some nachos.
Hi, daddy.
Hi.
You're talking to me.
Yeah, if it's okay.
That is very okay.
So How is Carol? Let me just ask you this.
When mom was pregnant with Carol, you guys didn't, like, make any kind of deal with the devil, did you? Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.
She calls me all day at work to see when I'm coming home.
And she expects me to spend all my free time with her.
And she insists on blaming me for the 8,000 cats that have surrounded her building.
Sweetheart, your sister is lonely.
Daddy, I need to tell you a couple of things.
First of all, I'm sorry.
This has all been very hard on me, owing all this money and losing my independence, and I realize that I took it out on you.
I'm a selfish, horrible, miserable girl, and and you don't want to live with Carol anymore.
I'll do anything.
All right, sweetheart.
And I promise you I will not make the same mistake again.
I will try to be much more flexible with the rules.
And I'll try to break fewer of them.
But daddy, please, can we dump that stupid blackboard? Carol: Go on, stop following me.
Okay, now, go on.
Shoo, shoo, shoo! I knew you'd be here.
Of course you did.
I left you a note saying I was moving back in with daddy.
If you said yes, I mean.
So I guess you guys are planning on having a pretty good time here, huh? Well, we're gonna work on it.
Good.
I'm just a little concerned that the two of you will be at each other again.
There really should be a third party who could intervene, kind of like a live-in tie-breaker.
Oh, please, god.
Please don't let this be what I think it is.
Daddy I'm so tired of being alone.
I've been wanting to move back here for two years.
I need conversation.
I need rules.
I need pancakes.
Sweetheart, you've always been welcome to move back in here.
I didn't know that.
You never said that.
It goes without saying.
You know you're welcome.
Goes without saying? I've been talking to plants for two years and it goes without saying? Well, I would be thrilled to have you move back here.
The both of you at home? Ah, listen, not only can you move back, I insist on it.
Tonight? Well, it doesn't have to be tonight.
Well, you know, it really does.
The men are over at my place packing.
All right, this is even better.
This is great, dear.
You can move back into your old room.
Oh, wait a minute.
Your old room is my new study.
Oops, okay, I don't need it.
I can read in the bathroom.
Don't worry.
You know, you don't have to do that, daddy.
I can stay in Emily's room.
She's in college.
She doesn't need it.
Oh, I see.
The good room.
Since when is that the good room? Carol, you know darn well.
It's right next to the bathroom.
It has the bay window.
Is this heaven? I mean, look at this.
I mean, I love this.
Where's my camera? I'll just wait here while you figure out what you want.
Come on, everybody! It's ready! Our first family breakfast together.
We've got orange juice, fresh fruit, and pancakes! Barbara.
Sorry, I got to go.
I'm late.
- Daddy.
- Bye, daddy.
Ah, thank you, dear.
I'll drink it in the car.
Bye.
All right! Pancakes.
I love this.
Boy, we're just one great big happy family again.