Family Matters s01e12 Episode Script

Aunt Rachel, could you please hurry up.
Somebody might see me like this.
Oh, stand still.
Besides, you look kind of cute.
- That's it.
I'm taking this off.
- No.
Your mother wants this.
I'll be done in a minute.
Well, the dress is bad enough, but this push-up bra is killing me.
- Ow! - Sorry, it's just a little pin.
Darn, that was the last one.
Don't move.
I'll be back.
- Edward.
- Dad.
Son I think it's time we had a little talk.
- Mom, we gotta talk.
- Go clean your room, we can talk later.
Why can't I keep it the way I like it? It's my room.
It's not your room.
That room belongs to your father and me.
We're just letting you use it till you go to college.
If I clean it up, can I go to the dance Saturday? I already told you, no.
Is that your final word? It was my final word last month, it was my final word last week and it'll be my final word until you're 15 and that's final.
- Aunt Rachel.
- Yeah.
How old were you when you started to date? Oh, gosh, honey.
I waited a long time.
I didn't go on my first date until I was 10 or 11.
- Mom.
- No.
- Hi.
- Hi, babe.
Daddy's home.
- Oh, I missed you so much today, Daddy.
- Oh, I missed you too.
By the way, can I go to a party Saturday night? Hm.
Sounds great.
Have fun.
Carl, she's 13.
She's too young to date.
When Eddie was 13 you let him take Brenda Jackson roller-skating.
- That was a date.
- That's true.
Yeah, and Eddie hasn't been the same since.
That's also true.
You know, Mom, in some countries girls get married at 13.
Sure.
And they die at 30.
You wanna die young? Go to the dance.
Was that a yes? Uh, no, I think that was a threat on your life.
Mom just doesn't understand me, but you do.
You're the greatest dad in the whole wide world.
Laura, I know what you're trying to do.
- Is it working? - Yeah.
I'll go talk to her.
Honey, don't you think we ought to let Laura go to the party? Carl, she's 13.
If she starts dating now, she'll get serious.
Then the boy will get serious.
Then they'll both get serious.
And that's serious.
Harriette, will you get serious.
This is a dance.
She's gotta be home by 10.
- I don't think it's a good idea.
- Honey, come on.
All her friends are gonna be there.
Let her go.
If it'll make you feel better I'll have the squad car drive by every hour to check on her.
Carl, if you want her to go, fine.
- Just remember, I am dead set against it.
- Aw.
Thank you, honey.
I'm so glad we could agree on this.
Every little step I take You will be there Every little step I make We'll be together Laura, get your nose out of that book.
The dance is tomorrow night and we've gotta get you a date.
Forget it.
It's too late.
All the good guys are taken.
Hey, there's your brother.
He's so cool.
My brother? Cool? You are a sick person.
Hi, sis.
You wanna sit with us, Eddie? Penny, Penny, Penny.
I'm in high school now.
I can't be seen sitting with seventh graders.
Right.
I just kidding.
I'm a great kidder.
Look, Laura.
I thought I should warn you.
I just saw Steve Urkel outside.
He said he was gonna ask you to the dance.
Hey, that's great.
You really think I would go out with Steve Urkel? The mouse eater? The kid eats one mouse and he's branded for life.
Laura, you're just starting to build your reputation.
You can't afford to date guys with mice on their breath.
Wow.
Your brother is good-Iooking and smart.
Why do you want me to go to the dance with Urkel? You wouldn't go out with him.
True, but I have a date.
You waited too long to put yourself on the market.
Face it, girl.
You're at the sale table.
Not Urkel.
Not now.
Not ever.
Well, don't look now but he's coming this way.
Hi, Laura.
I hear you can't get a date for the dance.
So you wanna go with me? Take a hike, Urkel.
She'd rather eat worms.
Okay, some other time then.
Look, there's Mark Newhouse.
Don't look.
You can forget about Mark.
He's gonna ask Jo Beth Hensley.
How do you know that? Well, if you paid more attention in study hall instead of studying you'd know these things.
I don't believe this is happening to me.
If I don't get a date, I'll be humiliated.
Hey, don't get all upset.
We'll find somebody.
Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Make him go away.
Get out of here, goat-face.
Excuse me.
- Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts.
- Brussels sprouts make me wanna puke.
At my table, you eat them.
Now, what you do on your own time is your business.
Laura, I know this dance is a big moment in your life so I thought I'd make you a dress.
Maybe something with puffy sleeves.
What do you think? I think you can save yourself the trouble.
Nobody has asked me to the dance.
Well, honey, I'm sure somebody will.
Laura, your Aunt Rachel's right.
There are plenty of boys trying to get up the courage to call you.
That phone is gonna ring any minute.
- That's right.
- Yeah, that's right.
Are we gonna wait long? Nobody's ever gonna call.
I go through this every time there's a dance.
That's how we know there's a dance coming up, the phone will go dead.
See, Carl.
I told you.
She's just too young for this dating thing.
Rachel, you go right ahead and make that dress.
Laura is gonna get a date.
I guarantee it.
Hello? Mr.
Urkel? Yes, Carl Winslow.
Right.
Remember, we met at the pet shop.
Yes, you were buying mice.
Right.
Well, listen, I need a little favor.
Yes, uh does your son, Steve, by any chance happen to have a date to the party tomorrow night? Oh, no? Well, listen, I was wondering if you Are you okay? Not really.
I'd like to be alone.
I understand.
Laura, you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure.
So what if you don't have a date for the big dance.
I can tell you from years of experience that dating is no big deal.
Say what? Well, it's very overrated.
I mean, think about it.
What is a date? Two very nervous people trying to think of cool things to say so one doesn't think the other one's stupid.
You should thank your lucky stars no one called you.
That is the biggest crock I've ever heard in my life.
Okay, look.
I know you have a crush on Mark Newhouse.
If you want him to take you to the dance, why don't you call and ask him yourself.
What if he doesn't wanna go with me? Then you'll look like a fool.
That's why I can't call him.
Hey, no guts, no glory.
I'm going out to shoot some hoops.
Laura.
Any guy who wouldn't go out with you isn't good enough for you anyway.
Thanks, Eddie.
Hello, Mark? This is Laura Winslow.
Look, I may be risking humiliation here but do you wanna go to the dance with me or what? Okay, here's the party girl.
Laura, you look beautiful.
What about the dress? Wait a minute.
That looks familiar.
When we were kids, didn't you make a dress like that for your Betsy Wetsy doll? Yeah.
Only to put this on, we didn't have to take Laura's arms off.
Oh, you have a loose string.
Mom! Why did you do that? I didn't know it was a tearaway dress.
What am I gonna do? I can't go to the dance like this.
Oh, honey, I can fix it.
Harriette, get me some thread.
All right.
But, Rachel, hurry.
She doesn't have much time.
Well, there'd be plenty of time if someone didn't pull out one of the threads.
You don't see me going around yanking out other people's threads.
I know better.
I know why the threads are there.
They're there to keep the dress on.
Get upstairs.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, babe.
Dinner is gonna be late.
I'm helping Laura get ready for the dance.
Oh.
So she got a date? You know, I had a feeling that would happen.
So did Steve? A boy call? Yes.
She's getting ready now.
You get that.
I've got to go up and help Rachel.
Hi, Mr.
Winslow.
I'm Steve Urkel.
Is Laura ready for the dance? Yeah, Steve.
Come right on in.
She'll be right down.
I have to tell you, Mr.
Winslow when my dad said you fixed me up with Laura why, I thought I'd wet my pants.
I've been crazy about her since the first grade but she always thought I was some kind of a freak.
Go figure.
Well, Steve, I didn't know she felt that way.
Nice flowers.
Yeah, thanks.
On the way over, I stopped by the cemetery.
Why don't you go in the kitchen there and wash off the roots? Good idea, Mr.
Winslow.
Nice house, for a cop.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
What have I done? Laura.
Sweetheart, your, uh, date is here.
- He's here? - Yeah.
Stall.
I gotta put this dress back together.
I can't work under this kind of pressure.
I've just been - Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
- This is Tyrone.
- Nice to meet you, Tyrone.
He's taking Laura to the dance.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean he's taking Laura to the dance? You see, I felt sorry for her.
So I gave Tyrone here I already set her up with Steve Urkel.
The mouse eater? - He eats mice? - Well, it's probably just a rumor.
Does she know he's taking her? Well, of course, she does.
But has anyone actually seen him eat a mouse? I've got better things to do than to watch Steve Urkel eat.
What am I gonna do with Tyrone? I already gave him the 10 bucks.
Now, that dress looks even better.
- You look wonderful, honey.
- Thanks, Mom.
Hey, Laura, look who's here.
Tyrone.
Oh, hi, Tyrone.
He's your date for the night.
No, he's not.
Yes, he is.
I gave him 10 bucks.
You hired Tyrone to take me to the dance? Oh, Eddie.
Oh, Eddie.
Eddie, I don't need charity.
I can't believe you did this.
Your sister is right.
She can find her own dates.
- But, Dad - Uh-uh-uh.
I don't wanna hear another word about it.
Honey, I'm sure Eddie was just trying to do something nice for you.
Hi, I'm Mark Newhouse.
Oh, Mark, come on in.
Well, what is he doing here? Dad, Mark is my date.
Your date? Yes, Carl, her date.
Why do you think she's been getting all dressed up? Well, better get going, kids.
Don't wanna miss the big dance.
- Have a good time.
Nice to meet you, Mark.
- Hi, Laura.
These are for you.
Wow, are you wearing a bra? Who are you? And why are those flowers dripping on my floor? I can explain this.
You called Laura to ask her for the date, didn't you? Why should I? My dad said you set it all up.
- You did what? - Well, honey I can't believe this.
I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
But, Laura, l Thank you What's your name, sugar? I'm Steve.
Steve and Tyrone, we won't be needing you tonight.
Come on, Tyrone.
Let's bail.
Date's over.
Laura? Do you wanna talk? Mom, do you have any idea how humiliating this is? Laura, your father and Eddie acted like fools but they meant well.
Mom, they paid guys to go out with me.
I'm sure your father didn't pay Steve a cent.
Mom, this is the worst day of my life.
Laura you should be happy.
A very nice boy asked you to the dance.
Mark didn't ask me.
I asked him.
You did? Oh.
Well, he said yes.
That should tell you something.
Mom, he and his girlfriend had a fight.
He was on the rebound.
He probably would have gone with anybody.
Mom, what's wrong with me? Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with you, Laura.
You're smart, you're funny, you have a great personality.
"Great personality"? Oh, I get it.
I'm ugly.
You're not ugly.
You're beautiful.
Then why didn't Mark ask me out himself? Because boys are scared to death.
Just like you.
But that will change.
Mom, dating is hard.
Honey, it's hard for everyone.
Took your father six weeks to get up enough courage to ask me out.
But I'm glad he did.
Now, come on.
I want you to go back in there and go to that party with Mark.
I think he likes you.
- How can you tell? - I'm a mother.
I have a feeling about these things.
Thanks, Mom.
Dear Lord, please let this boy like her.
Mark, do you still wanna go to the dance with me? Sure.
You know, I'm glad you called.
I've liked you for a long time.
Night, Mom.
Good night, kids.
Have a good time.
Ahem.
Don't be late.
Laura, Laura, I got it.
- Rachel, Rachel.
- What? She's gone, but don't feel bad.
She can wear your dress on her next date.
I hope you don't mind if I stay a while.
My parents told me not to come home till 10.
Got any cheese? So how was my little girl's first date? It was okay.
Well, now, that's it? Just okay? Well, for about three hours the guys stood on one side of the room, the girls on the other.
I spent most of the night talking to Penny, which I could have done here.
- Didn't you dance at all? - A little.
When there was about 15 minutes left Mark finally got up enough nerve to ask me to dance.
Then we had a real good time.
I'm looking forward to when I'm older and boys are braver.
Well, sweetheart if they get too brave, you let me know.
Okay, Dad.
And, sweetheart I am real sorry about what I did tonight.
That's all right, Dad.
But the next time you feel like fixing me up, do me a favor picture Steve Urkel.
Ew!