Flight of the Conchords s01e12 Episode Script
The Third Conchord
Well, needless to say, people are still talking about me in Barcelona.
I bet they are.
- Yeah.
- Oh, hey, guys.
Come in.
Good timing.
All right, let's get started.
Band meeting, Jemaine.
- Yes.
- Bret? - Yeah.
- Murray, present.
- And Todd.
- Present.
Good, very professional.
Murray, who's this guy? - Eh? - Who's this guy that's on my chair? I'm getting to that, Jemaine, all right? That's in the agenda under Todd.
All right? Just stop jumping the gun.
You're always trying to get ahead of things.
Item one: Todd.
He's the new band member.
Hi.
Okay, item two, interview with "Rolling Stones.
" Now I wasn't sure whether that was the magazine or the band.
I've heard from both, I've got a no from the band Murray, what do you mean new band member? Well, that's item one.
What are you talking about, Bret? We're on to item two now, "interview confusion.
" Do you want me to go back to item one? - Yeah, go back to item one.
- Yeah? Okay.
Item one: Todd.
- Yeah, he's the new band member.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Right.
Item two I didn't know we were looking for a new band member.
Well, we weren't, Bret.
But then I just found one.
Todd, just show them what you showed me yesterday at the dentist.
Sure.
Whoa! Even better than yesterday.
You could see all the details when your fingers bounce off the skins.
Pigskin, is it? Really good.
I'll just tell you straight up that all I'm really interested in is kicking some grooves, banging some tunes, I don't know, just basically getting it on.
Let me just get that down.
- Getting down.
- Murray.
Can we have a private band meeting, please? Private band meeting? Yeah, can we go somewhere else and have a private band meeting? Okay, all right, sure.
Come on, Todd, we're having a private band meeting.
No, I mean without Todd.
Murray, what's this? We turn up and there's some other guy in the band apparently.
- Yeah, what? - You know, we've got to discuss it.
This is a decision I made as a band manager, all right? You guys have got to trust me sometimes.
- Sometimes I have good ideas.
- When? Like that time I saw you for the first time onstage.
I said "Face the front," and you did.
We've never looked back since, have we? - Still not sure about that.
- You've got to go in there and you've got to tell Todd he's not in the band.
It's too late, Jemaine, all right? I think I promised him.
I'd just been given nitrous oxide.
I was at the dentist.
I didn't know what I was talking about.
I think I'm going to his brother's wedding.
All I want you guys to do is just give him a chance, all right? - He knows his stuff.
- Murray, we don't need a bongo player.
- Have you seen him on the bongos? - Yes.
Yeah? Is he any good? Of course he's good.
He's great! - Isn't he? Is he? - He's all right.
- He's okay.
- Yeah, well, you can say that again.
And now there's three of you in a band.
You're like a proper band.
You're like The Policemen.
Yeah, but you can't add members to our band willy-nilly.
Look, guys, I had to.
No one else was gonna do it.
You guys weren't gonna come up with that idea, were you? Murray, I'm on a call here with the Secretary of State.
Could you how much longer are you gonna be? Oh, not much longer, Greg.
Sorry.
Okay? Look, all I want you to do is give Todd a chance.
- Like the song.
- Which song? The John Lennon one, you know.
- "Give Peace a Chance.
" - Give Pete a Chance.
Okay? - Peace.
- Yeah.
Good, well - Wow.
- Yeah.
But, um, not every song should end with a bongo solo.
- Sure, no problem.
- Is that cool? - Maybe he could - Maybe just a little solo - You could start off with in the middle.
Yeah, and we'll have a little solo in the middle.
Great.
Hey, you know what? Can we try a song that I wrote real quick? - Mm-hmm.
- No.
All you guys'll do, you'll put your guitars and bass down and you just go, "Arf arf!" In the background, like dogs.
Like bad dogs.
Arf, arf! - Mmm, I don't - You get to dance and go "Arf, arf" - while I'm playing.
Arf arf.
- I'm not sure about one.
- You don't like dancing? - I like dancing, I just You don't you don't like dancing.
- I dance all the time.
- Really? Yeah, I dance at parties.
I dance when I'm angry.
I dance When you're angry? Who dances when they're angry? I guess that's about it.
I've never seen you dance when you're angry.
Guys! Focus, guys.
Well, I dance often.
Let's kick into this one.
Am I right? Arf, arf! Uh, the thing is, uh, we've been practicing for 56 minutes and that's how long we practice for.
- Hey, guys! - Hi, Mel.
Whoa-ho! What are the chances? We're always bumping into each other.
About one in one.
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.
My name's Mel.
I don't think we've met.
- I'm Todd.
Nice to meet you.
- Todd's a new band member.
- What? - I'm the third Conchord.
- Yeah.
- But - why would you even have that - Oh! - You're the fan, right? - Yeah.
Murray told me all about you.
Actually, he, um, neglected to tell me what a hottie you are.
Stop it.
Looks like the race is on.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Vroom! - Vroom! - Oh my God.
Am I right? What do you play, Todd? I'll give you a clue.
- The bongos.
- Oh! Rhythmic.
- Yeah, tribal.
- Powerful.
Very physical, if you know what I mean.
Oh, I know what you mean, Todd.
We got to go.
Good to see you.
- Oh, all right, bye.
- See you later, Mel.
Bye, guys.
Sweet dreams, baby.
So what's she like? She's a maniac.
In the sack? Really? No.
What? You guys have both done her, right? Oh, no.
Oh, I thought you had a threesome with her.
No, she's just a fan.
Never had a threesome with her.
Well, if you two homo sapiens aren't gonna make the move, guess what? I'm gonna.
I'm definitely gonna do it with her.
Oh no, she's married.
Who cares? I'm a bongo player in a band.
She's hot to trot.
I'm gonna make it happen.
I'm gonna give it to her.
Am I right? Damn.
Hey, am I right? - I don't know.
- Am I right? - Possibly.
- Possibly? I'm right.
- Well, he did all right.
- Was like a 10-minute solo.
- I know! - He's the new guy in the band.
Wow, amazing.
What a gig.
I declare this the best Conchords gig ever.
Murray, you have to fire Todd.
Fire Todd?! Keep your voice down.
What do you mean? He might hear you.
He's the best thing that's happened to this band.
- Why do you want to get rid of him? - Bret, tell him.
- He's not cool.
- Yes, Bret's right.
He's not cool like us.
We're cool.
He's way cool! He's cooler than both of you put together.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Look at him with all his friends.
They follow him.
He's like the Pied Piper of cool.
Pied Piper was a good musician, wasn't he? - He was cool - He wasn't cool.
- Yes, he was.
- He took all those kids into a cave.
No, before that phase, when just the rats followed him Listen, the Pied Piper's not cool and Todd's not cool.
- Hey, guys.
- What's up? I thought that went pretty well, huh? Yeah, went went okay.
There was maybe one problem though.
- And that is, uh - Your solos were too long? No no no, the band name is too long.
You have the too long part right, but it's not my solo.
It's the band name.
What is it? Flight of the Con - Con Conchords - Blah blah blah.
Too long, too boring.
We need something that'll stick.
I think I got it.
Get ready The Crazy Dogggz.
Three Gs and a Z.
I like it.
You guys are crazy, you're like dogs.
We're like, yeah, crazy dogs.
- We all are.
Including you.
- Me? - Yeah yeah.
- Oh, I don't know, but - Yeah, oh, I know.
- Yeah? Awesome.
- Can I get you a drink, Todd? - I'd love one.
I don't want that drink, but I'll take a drink.
- Yeah, love a drink.
- Yeah? Okay, I'm just gonna go over there and say, "Dear Todd, thank you very much, but you can't be in the band anymore.
" Mmm.
I don't think you should do it, man.
You're too easily offended.
I can't believe you just said that.
Look, I'm gonna do it.
All right, yeah, you better do it.
"Dear Todd.
" Make sure you say "Dear Todd.
" Hey, how'd it go? Bad.
Bad.
I told him he was fired, he pushed me.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
Then he said that you should be fired because you're the one holding us back.
- That's what he said.
- What'd you say to that? Well, I hit him.
You know, he can't say that.
- You hit him? - Yeah, I hit him.
Hit him in the face.
- In the face? - Yeah, hit hit him right in the face.
- Wow.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna let him talk about you like that.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
Well, we got rid of him.
Mmm.
What do you mean, "Mmm"? - I mean no.
- What? Is he fired or not? Well, you see, while I had him in a headlock, he sort of explained why he thought you shouldn't be in the band.
And after a while it kind of made sense.
You were only over there for like 20 seconds.
Yeah, after about 20 seconds it kind of made sense.
It's hard to fire a guy who's in a headlock.
It's easy for me to fire you, Bret, because you're my friend.
- So what are you saying? - You're fired, Bret.
- I'm fired? - Yeah.
- But you can't do that - Listen, we'll talk about it later.
I've gotta go to band practice now.
Todd's very strict.
Flup! Okay, man.
More enthusiasm this time, all right? - It's "The Doggy Bounce.
" - Todd, how about you get down on all fours and wag your tail like you just can't fail and I'll just play bass, huh? What? It's "The Doggy Bounce.
" You have to do "The Doggy Bounce" bounce.
It's a phenomena.
Okay? Now, let's count this shit off.
One, two, one, two, three, four.
# Arf arf # - # Do the doggy bounce # - # Arf arf # # You know you want to do it # - # Arf arf # - Don't point at me.
Stop stop stop stop.
Bret, what are you doing? There is no guitar in this song, all right? There's no guitar, okay? - Not just a little bit, or - No, not even a little bit.
None at all.
All right? One, two, one, two, three, four.
# Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Arf arf # Hold on, hold on.
Bret, what are you doing? I'm not Gloria Estefan, all right? One percussionist is fine, all right? - So don't do that.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Sure.
Todd, I don't like this kind of music.
Oh, you don't like this kind of music? - I didn't know that.
- It's stupid dance music.
It's not about the music.
You know what it's about? # The pussy! # - Am I right? - Yeah, obviously you're right, yeah.
- So why do you care about the music? - Well Do you guys need to borrow my amp? Bret, you're pathetic, man.
We don't need a roadie, okay? - I could carry your bongos.
- My what? No one's touching my bongos.
You know that.
Do you need someone to carry your guitar, Jemaine? Well, I don't really need you to, Bret.
Okay.
I get it.
Not needed.
You know what? We got to rock out "The Doggy Bounce" this Saturday night.
- It's not ready.
- It's totally ready.
It's not ready, Todd.
All right, you're right.
Let's get it perfect.
Yeah, let's get it perfect and then we'll maybe do it another time.
- Yeah, am I right? - Yes.
Two of you? But that's going backwards.
I thought we had a proper three-person band.
That's what you agreed on.
Jemaine and Todd, they fired me.
So I started a new band.
This is Demetri.
- Hey.
- I met him running.
Look, I don't think Jemaine can fire you.
They need my authorization, don't you? It's too late.
I'm pretty sure you need my authorization for firing and hiring.
Don't you think? I mean, what am I doing? I'll check on that.
"Authorization needed Bret kicked out question mark.
" Okay.
So, Demetri, what exactly is this thing? It's a guitboard.
No, man, keytar.
Keytar.
Yeah, he took the wrong parts of the words.
It's half keyboard and half guitar.
So is a guitar or a keyboard? Exactly.
It's the best of both worlds.
So it starts out as a keyboard and ends kind of as a guitar.
I don't like it.
It's weird.
It's not the right shape.
- Play him something.
- Sure.
- Could you hold that please? - Mm-hmm.
No, don't like it.
Ugh, no.
Weird.
Oh, that bit's good.
Who's this? Oh, here we go.
The Fonzies have arrived.
This is Demetri.
This is my new band.
- Good luck.
- Oh great.
Another awkward situation.
So what's your band going to be called, Bret? Can't be called Flight of the Conchords, that's our name.
It's not.
It's called the Original Flight of the Conchords.
You guys can be called Flight of the Condors, or whatever.
We're gonna be the Crazy Dogggz.
Shut up, Todd.
Don't tell me to shut up in front of people.
Well, don't say what out name's gonna be.
We haven't discussed it.
Okay, Jemaine, Bret.
Can I have a quiet word? Sure.
Come on, Demetri.
No no, private.
I'm just gonna play some more.
- Stop talking.
- What do you play, the leather jacket? I play the bongos, man.
What the hell's going on, guys? Why did you fire Bret, Jemaine? Well, I was trying to fire Todd but he did a sad face at me.
I don't know if you can fire Bret.
You're equal band members.
It's got to come from a higher authority.
- Are you sure? - Ye no.
I'll have to check, but it doesn't sound right.
Yeah, I told him he couldn't fire me.
What do you care for anyway, Bret? You're always quitting.
Probably just quit in half an hour anyway.
- So I've got two bands now.
- Just manage us both.
No, I can't.
I'm not even suppose to manage one band.
I'm suppose to be working at the New Zealand Consulate, Bret.
Murray, do you think you could find another cubicle? Oh, sorry, Greg.
Yeah, all right.
Let's just calm down, all right? We shouldn't even be arguing in front of the map.
- It's not right.
- Yeah, you're right.
You'll be okay, Jemaine.
You've got a good band.
You've got Todd.
I just don't know about your guy, Bret.
- Does he play any other instruments? - No.
Come on, what? Is that what you want? I'm gonna break your keytar.
I'm gonna break your keytar.
You think I care? # The distant future, the year 2000 # # The distant future, the distant future # # Arf arf arf arf # # Arf arf arf arf # # The humans are dead # - # The humans are dead # - # Dead # # We used poisonous gasses # # And we poisoned their asses.
# Whoo! Yeah! How are the Original Flight of the Conchords going? It's going pretty good, except that he copies my moves.
- What moves? - My dance moves.
You don't have dance moves.
He also started copying my look.
- What look? - You know Oh yeah.
How's Flight of the Conchords going? Not too bad.
I'm not getting on that well with Todd.
The band's sounding good, though.
The bongos sound tight.
We're doing a lot better than you and I were doing.
I mean, Demetri and me are doing pretty well.
It's probably better than you and me as well.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hmm.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
We're the Original Flight of the Conchords.
Thank you.
We're the Original Flight of the Conchords.
Thanks very much.
You've been a great audience.
You've been a great audience.
Oh hey, guys, band meetings.
Come on.
Leave those girls alone there and come over.
- Okay, Bret.
- Mm-hmm.
- Demetri.
- Mm-hmm.
- Jemaine.
- Standing right next to you.
- Todd.
- Present.
Nice.
Good one.
And Murray, present.
Okay.
Went really good tonight.
Really good, you two.
- Thank you.
- And good, you two too.
But I think in the future I won't put you all on the same night because you're playing the same songs, okay? Actually, Jemaine, what about that song of Todd's? - You could do the one about the dogs.
- "The Doggy Bounce.
" - Bring that one in.
I like that one.
- Arf arf.
- Yeah, it's not ready though.
- You know it's ready.
- When it's ready we'll do it.
- It's ready! Oh, hey hey hey, guys! - Chill out! - It's been ready! It's been ready! Come on, listen.
Look, shake hands.
We're not having this.
All right? - He's squeezing my hand a little bit.
- Are you? Just my regular handshake.
There's no squeeze there.
What a wuss.
Right, I'm glad you're all here because I've got a crazy idea.
It could be big.
But what about if we put the two bands together to make one superband? - A four-man supergroup? - Yeah.
So we've got bongos, bass, guitar and - the keytar thing.
- Keytar.
- Todd, what do you think? - Well, actually, Murray, um, Demetri and I have been talking and we we think it would be better if we just go it alone.
- What? - What? - I'm sorry.
- What are you talking about? Todd and I are going to start a group our own group without Bret and Jerome.
We're the Crazy Dogggz.
- Arf.
- Arf.
See that? Are you crazy? What, the bongos and the keytar? Todd! Murray, I I really appreciate you giving me a shot and I just I just think we're more compatible.
I'm flabbergasted.
# Oh yeah # - # Oh yeah # - # Doggy bounce # # I know what's happening # # There's really nothing to it # # Arf arf # # You know you want to do it # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Do the doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, do the doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, do the doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bongo solo # # Arf arf # # Put your bootie on the floor and get down on all fours # # It ain't against the law, make your hand into a paw # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggie bounce # - # Bounce bounce # - # Oh yeah # # Doggy dos and doggy don'ts # # Doggy wills and doggy won'ts # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Doggy dos and doggy don'ts # - # Doggy wills and doggy won'ts # - # You know you wanna do it # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce.
# # Arf arf # - # You do the doggy bounce # - Bret! I don't know why you don't like it.
It's a good song.
- Hey, Mel.
- Hey, Mel.
- Mel! - Mel! Oh! Oh hey, guys.
- How's it going? - Good.
You know, just really busy.
Just crazy life stuff going on.
Hey, you got one of the Crazy Dogggz t-shirts.
No.
It says Crazy Dogggz on it.
I've got to go, actually.
I'm pretty late.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It was great seeing you.
Oh uh okay.
Hey, Mel, you didn't make it to our gig the other - Oh, yeah.
- There was no one there without you there.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Murray.
Hey, Murray.
Well, sorry I haven't been in touch.
I've just been so busy, man, you know? - How are the Crazy Dogggz? - They're a phenomenon.
Number one in 24 countries.
- They say hi? - No.
Have you seen the music video? - Yeah.
- Yeah, terrible.
- I helped direct it.
- It was good.
- Know the dog? It was my idea.
- Really? - It's Toby.
- How was South America? Oh, awesome.
Really good, thanks.
Yeah.
We did one gig That was in Rio.
Then the President of Peru invited us to like a dinner.
We had parfaits.
I got like a big sun lounger.
Do we have any gigs, Murray? Yeah.
Yeah, you've got the library.
They want you back for the bingo night.
That was good the first time, wasn't it? Yeah.
Actually that's the same night that the Crazy Dogggz have got a big gig.
- Giant Stadium.
- How giant is it? That's what it's called Giant.
So I'm guessing pretty big.
So I'm gonna go there first, set them up, and then come back to the library, help you guys out, and then probably to and fro between the library and the stadium.
Yeah, Murray, it seems like you're spending a lot more time with the Crazy Dogggz than us.
No, equal time.
Check my schedules, it's equal.
- Really? - Yeah.
I can't discuss it now 'cause I've got to go.
I've got lunch with Tori Amos.
Yeah yeah.
Keep practicing, okay? See ya! # Oh yeah, arf arf # # Oh yeah # # I know what's happening.
#
I bet they are.
- Yeah.
- Oh, hey, guys.
Come in.
Good timing.
All right, let's get started.
Band meeting, Jemaine.
- Yes.
- Bret? - Yeah.
- Murray, present.
- And Todd.
- Present.
Good, very professional.
Murray, who's this guy? - Eh? - Who's this guy that's on my chair? I'm getting to that, Jemaine, all right? That's in the agenda under Todd.
All right? Just stop jumping the gun.
You're always trying to get ahead of things.
Item one: Todd.
He's the new band member.
Hi.
Okay, item two, interview with "Rolling Stones.
" Now I wasn't sure whether that was the magazine or the band.
I've heard from both, I've got a no from the band Murray, what do you mean new band member? Well, that's item one.
What are you talking about, Bret? We're on to item two now, "interview confusion.
" Do you want me to go back to item one? - Yeah, go back to item one.
- Yeah? Okay.
Item one: Todd.
- Yeah, he's the new band member.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Right.
Item two I didn't know we were looking for a new band member.
Well, we weren't, Bret.
But then I just found one.
Todd, just show them what you showed me yesterday at the dentist.
Sure.
Whoa! Even better than yesterday.
You could see all the details when your fingers bounce off the skins.
Pigskin, is it? Really good.
I'll just tell you straight up that all I'm really interested in is kicking some grooves, banging some tunes, I don't know, just basically getting it on.
Let me just get that down.
- Getting down.
- Murray.
Can we have a private band meeting, please? Private band meeting? Yeah, can we go somewhere else and have a private band meeting? Okay, all right, sure.
Come on, Todd, we're having a private band meeting.
No, I mean without Todd.
Murray, what's this? We turn up and there's some other guy in the band apparently.
- Yeah, what? - You know, we've got to discuss it.
This is a decision I made as a band manager, all right? You guys have got to trust me sometimes.
- Sometimes I have good ideas.
- When? Like that time I saw you for the first time onstage.
I said "Face the front," and you did.
We've never looked back since, have we? - Still not sure about that.
- You've got to go in there and you've got to tell Todd he's not in the band.
It's too late, Jemaine, all right? I think I promised him.
I'd just been given nitrous oxide.
I was at the dentist.
I didn't know what I was talking about.
I think I'm going to his brother's wedding.
All I want you guys to do is just give him a chance, all right? - He knows his stuff.
- Murray, we don't need a bongo player.
- Have you seen him on the bongos? - Yes.
Yeah? Is he any good? Of course he's good.
He's great! - Isn't he? Is he? - He's all right.
- He's okay.
- Yeah, well, you can say that again.
And now there's three of you in a band.
You're like a proper band.
You're like The Policemen.
Yeah, but you can't add members to our band willy-nilly.
Look, guys, I had to.
No one else was gonna do it.
You guys weren't gonna come up with that idea, were you? Murray, I'm on a call here with the Secretary of State.
Could you how much longer are you gonna be? Oh, not much longer, Greg.
Sorry.
Okay? Look, all I want you to do is give Todd a chance.
- Like the song.
- Which song? The John Lennon one, you know.
- "Give Peace a Chance.
" - Give Pete a Chance.
Okay? - Peace.
- Yeah.
Good, well - Wow.
- Yeah.
But, um, not every song should end with a bongo solo.
- Sure, no problem.
- Is that cool? - Maybe he could - Maybe just a little solo - You could start off with in the middle.
Yeah, and we'll have a little solo in the middle.
Great.
Hey, you know what? Can we try a song that I wrote real quick? - Mm-hmm.
- No.
All you guys'll do, you'll put your guitars and bass down and you just go, "Arf arf!" In the background, like dogs.
Like bad dogs.
Arf, arf! - Mmm, I don't - You get to dance and go "Arf, arf" - while I'm playing.
Arf arf.
- I'm not sure about one.
- You don't like dancing? - I like dancing, I just You don't you don't like dancing.
- I dance all the time.
- Really? Yeah, I dance at parties.
I dance when I'm angry.
I dance When you're angry? Who dances when they're angry? I guess that's about it.
I've never seen you dance when you're angry.
Guys! Focus, guys.
Well, I dance often.
Let's kick into this one.
Am I right? Arf, arf! Uh, the thing is, uh, we've been practicing for 56 minutes and that's how long we practice for.
- Hey, guys! - Hi, Mel.
Whoa-ho! What are the chances? We're always bumping into each other.
About one in one.
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.
My name's Mel.
I don't think we've met.
- I'm Todd.
Nice to meet you.
- Todd's a new band member.
- What? - I'm the third Conchord.
- Yeah.
- But - why would you even have that - Oh! - You're the fan, right? - Yeah.
Murray told me all about you.
Actually, he, um, neglected to tell me what a hottie you are.
Stop it.
Looks like the race is on.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Vroom! - Vroom! - Oh my God.
Am I right? What do you play, Todd? I'll give you a clue.
- The bongos.
- Oh! Rhythmic.
- Yeah, tribal.
- Powerful.
Very physical, if you know what I mean.
Oh, I know what you mean, Todd.
We got to go.
Good to see you.
- Oh, all right, bye.
- See you later, Mel.
Bye, guys.
Sweet dreams, baby.
So what's she like? She's a maniac.
In the sack? Really? No.
What? You guys have both done her, right? Oh, no.
Oh, I thought you had a threesome with her.
No, she's just a fan.
Never had a threesome with her.
Well, if you two homo sapiens aren't gonna make the move, guess what? I'm gonna.
I'm definitely gonna do it with her.
Oh no, she's married.
Who cares? I'm a bongo player in a band.
She's hot to trot.
I'm gonna make it happen.
I'm gonna give it to her.
Am I right? Damn.
Hey, am I right? - I don't know.
- Am I right? - Possibly.
- Possibly? I'm right.
- Well, he did all right.
- Was like a 10-minute solo.
- I know! - He's the new guy in the band.
Wow, amazing.
What a gig.
I declare this the best Conchords gig ever.
Murray, you have to fire Todd.
Fire Todd?! Keep your voice down.
What do you mean? He might hear you.
He's the best thing that's happened to this band.
- Why do you want to get rid of him? - Bret, tell him.
- He's not cool.
- Yes, Bret's right.
He's not cool like us.
We're cool.
He's way cool! He's cooler than both of you put together.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Look at him with all his friends.
They follow him.
He's like the Pied Piper of cool.
Pied Piper was a good musician, wasn't he? - He was cool - He wasn't cool.
- Yes, he was.
- He took all those kids into a cave.
No, before that phase, when just the rats followed him Listen, the Pied Piper's not cool and Todd's not cool.
- Hey, guys.
- What's up? I thought that went pretty well, huh? Yeah, went went okay.
There was maybe one problem though.
- And that is, uh - Your solos were too long? No no no, the band name is too long.
You have the too long part right, but it's not my solo.
It's the band name.
What is it? Flight of the Con - Con Conchords - Blah blah blah.
Too long, too boring.
We need something that'll stick.
I think I got it.
Get ready The Crazy Dogggz.
Three Gs and a Z.
I like it.
You guys are crazy, you're like dogs.
We're like, yeah, crazy dogs.
- We all are.
Including you.
- Me? - Yeah yeah.
- Oh, I don't know, but - Yeah, oh, I know.
- Yeah? Awesome.
- Can I get you a drink, Todd? - I'd love one.
I don't want that drink, but I'll take a drink.
- Yeah, love a drink.
- Yeah? Okay, I'm just gonna go over there and say, "Dear Todd, thank you very much, but you can't be in the band anymore.
" Mmm.
I don't think you should do it, man.
You're too easily offended.
I can't believe you just said that.
Look, I'm gonna do it.
All right, yeah, you better do it.
"Dear Todd.
" Make sure you say "Dear Todd.
" Hey, how'd it go? Bad.
Bad.
I told him he was fired, he pushed me.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
Then he said that you should be fired because you're the one holding us back.
- That's what he said.
- What'd you say to that? Well, I hit him.
You know, he can't say that.
- You hit him? - Yeah, I hit him.
Hit him in the face.
- In the face? - Yeah, hit hit him right in the face.
- Wow.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna let him talk about you like that.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
Well, we got rid of him.
Mmm.
What do you mean, "Mmm"? - I mean no.
- What? Is he fired or not? Well, you see, while I had him in a headlock, he sort of explained why he thought you shouldn't be in the band.
And after a while it kind of made sense.
You were only over there for like 20 seconds.
Yeah, after about 20 seconds it kind of made sense.
It's hard to fire a guy who's in a headlock.
It's easy for me to fire you, Bret, because you're my friend.
- So what are you saying? - You're fired, Bret.
- I'm fired? - Yeah.
- But you can't do that - Listen, we'll talk about it later.
I've gotta go to band practice now.
Todd's very strict.
Flup! Okay, man.
More enthusiasm this time, all right? - It's "The Doggy Bounce.
" - Todd, how about you get down on all fours and wag your tail like you just can't fail and I'll just play bass, huh? What? It's "The Doggy Bounce.
" You have to do "The Doggy Bounce" bounce.
It's a phenomena.
Okay? Now, let's count this shit off.
One, two, one, two, three, four.
# Arf arf # - # Do the doggy bounce # - # Arf arf # # You know you want to do it # - # Arf arf # - Don't point at me.
Stop stop stop stop.
Bret, what are you doing? There is no guitar in this song, all right? There's no guitar, okay? - Not just a little bit, or - No, not even a little bit.
None at all.
All right? One, two, one, two, three, four.
# Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Arf arf # Hold on, hold on.
Bret, what are you doing? I'm not Gloria Estefan, all right? One percussionist is fine, all right? - So don't do that.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Sure.
Todd, I don't like this kind of music.
Oh, you don't like this kind of music? - I didn't know that.
- It's stupid dance music.
It's not about the music.
You know what it's about? # The pussy! # - Am I right? - Yeah, obviously you're right, yeah.
- So why do you care about the music? - Well Do you guys need to borrow my amp? Bret, you're pathetic, man.
We don't need a roadie, okay? - I could carry your bongos.
- My what? No one's touching my bongos.
You know that.
Do you need someone to carry your guitar, Jemaine? Well, I don't really need you to, Bret.
Okay.
I get it.
Not needed.
You know what? We got to rock out "The Doggy Bounce" this Saturday night.
- It's not ready.
- It's totally ready.
It's not ready, Todd.
All right, you're right.
Let's get it perfect.
Yeah, let's get it perfect and then we'll maybe do it another time.
- Yeah, am I right? - Yes.
Two of you? But that's going backwards.
I thought we had a proper three-person band.
That's what you agreed on.
Jemaine and Todd, they fired me.
So I started a new band.
This is Demetri.
- Hey.
- I met him running.
Look, I don't think Jemaine can fire you.
They need my authorization, don't you? It's too late.
I'm pretty sure you need my authorization for firing and hiring.
Don't you think? I mean, what am I doing? I'll check on that.
"Authorization needed Bret kicked out question mark.
" Okay.
So, Demetri, what exactly is this thing? It's a guitboard.
No, man, keytar.
Keytar.
Yeah, he took the wrong parts of the words.
It's half keyboard and half guitar.
So is a guitar or a keyboard? Exactly.
It's the best of both worlds.
So it starts out as a keyboard and ends kind of as a guitar.
I don't like it.
It's weird.
It's not the right shape.
- Play him something.
- Sure.
- Could you hold that please? - Mm-hmm.
No, don't like it.
Ugh, no.
Weird.
Oh, that bit's good.
Who's this? Oh, here we go.
The Fonzies have arrived.
This is Demetri.
This is my new band.
- Good luck.
- Oh great.
Another awkward situation.
So what's your band going to be called, Bret? Can't be called Flight of the Conchords, that's our name.
It's not.
It's called the Original Flight of the Conchords.
You guys can be called Flight of the Condors, or whatever.
We're gonna be the Crazy Dogggz.
Shut up, Todd.
Don't tell me to shut up in front of people.
Well, don't say what out name's gonna be.
We haven't discussed it.
Okay, Jemaine, Bret.
Can I have a quiet word? Sure.
Come on, Demetri.
No no, private.
I'm just gonna play some more.
- Stop talking.
- What do you play, the leather jacket? I play the bongos, man.
What the hell's going on, guys? Why did you fire Bret, Jemaine? Well, I was trying to fire Todd but he did a sad face at me.
I don't know if you can fire Bret.
You're equal band members.
It's got to come from a higher authority.
- Are you sure? - Ye no.
I'll have to check, but it doesn't sound right.
Yeah, I told him he couldn't fire me.
What do you care for anyway, Bret? You're always quitting.
Probably just quit in half an hour anyway.
- So I've got two bands now.
- Just manage us both.
No, I can't.
I'm not even suppose to manage one band.
I'm suppose to be working at the New Zealand Consulate, Bret.
Murray, do you think you could find another cubicle? Oh, sorry, Greg.
Yeah, all right.
Let's just calm down, all right? We shouldn't even be arguing in front of the map.
- It's not right.
- Yeah, you're right.
You'll be okay, Jemaine.
You've got a good band.
You've got Todd.
I just don't know about your guy, Bret.
- Does he play any other instruments? - No.
Come on, what? Is that what you want? I'm gonna break your keytar.
I'm gonna break your keytar.
You think I care? # The distant future, the year 2000 # # The distant future, the distant future # # Arf arf arf arf # # Arf arf arf arf # # The humans are dead # - # The humans are dead # - # Dead # # We used poisonous gasses # # And we poisoned their asses.
# Whoo! Yeah! How are the Original Flight of the Conchords going? It's going pretty good, except that he copies my moves.
- What moves? - My dance moves.
You don't have dance moves.
He also started copying my look.
- What look? - You know Oh yeah.
How's Flight of the Conchords going? Not too bad.
I'm not getting on that well with Todd.
The band's sounding good, though.
The bongos sound tight.
We're doing a lot better than you and I were doing.
I mean, Demetri and me are doing pretty well.
It's probably better than you and me as well.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hmm.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
We're the Original Flight of the Conchords.
Thank you.
We're the Original Flight of the Conchords.
Thanks very much.
You've been a great audience.
You've been a great audience.
Oh hey, guys, band meetings.
Come on.
Leave those girls alone there and come over.
- Okay, Bret.
- Mm-hmm.
- Demetri.
- Mm-hmm.
- Jemaine.
- Standing right next to you.
- Todd.
- Present.
Nice.
Good one.
And Murray, present.
Okay.
Went really good tonight.
Really good, you two.
- Thank you.
- And good, you two too.
But I think in the future I won't put you all on the same night because you're playing the same songs, okay? Actually, Jemaine, what about that song of Todd's? - You could do the one about the dogs.
- "The Doggy Bounce.
" - Bring that one in.
I like that one.
- Arf arf.
- Yeah, it's not ready though.
- You know it's ready.
- When it's ready we'll do it.
- It's ready! Oh, hey hey hey, guys! - Chill out! - It's been ready! It's been ready! Come on, listen.
Look, shake hands.
We're not having this.
All right? - He's squeezing my hand a little bit.
- Are you? Just my regular handshake.
There's no squeeze there.
What a wuss.
Right, I'm glad you're all here because I've got a crazy idea.
It could be big.
But what about if we put the two bands together to make one superband? - A four-man supergroup? - Yeah.
So we've got bongos, bass, guitar and - the keytar thing.
- Keytar.
- Todd, what do you think? - Well, actually, Murray, um, Demetri and I have been talking and we we think it would be better if we just go it alone.
- What? - What? - I'm sorry.
- What are you talking about? Todd and I are going to start a group our own group without Bret and Jerome.
We're the Crazy Dogggz.
- Arf.
- Arf.
See that? Are you crazy? What, the bongos and the keytar? Todd! Murray, I I really appreciate you giving me a shot and I just I just think we're more compatible.
I'm flabbergasted.
# Oh yeah # - # Oh yeah # - # Doggy bounce # # I know what's happening # # There's really nothing to it # # Arf arf # # You know you want to do it # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Do the doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, do the doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, do the doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bongo solo # # Arf arf # # Put your bootie on the floor and get down on all fours # # It ain't against the law, make your hand into a paw # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggy bounce # # Bounce bounce, doggie bounce # - # Bounce bounce # - # Oh yeah # # Doggy dos and doggy don'ts # # Doggy wills and doggy won'ts # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Doggy dos and doggy don'ts # - # Doggy wills and doggy won'ts # - # You know you wanna do it # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce # # Arf arf, do the doggy bounce.
# # Arf arf # - # You do the doggy bounce # - Bret! I don't know why you don't like it.
It's a good song.
- Hey, Mel.
- Hey, Mel.
- Mel! - Mel! Oh! Oh hey, guys.
- How's it going? - Good.
You know, just really busy.
Just crazy life stuff going on.
Hey, you got one of the Crazy Dogggz t-shirts.
No.
It says Crazy Dogggz on it.
I've got to go, actually.
I'm pretty late.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It was great seeing you.
Oh uh okay.
Hey, Mel, you didn't make it to our gig the other - Oh, yeah.
- There was no one there without you there.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Murray.
Hey, Murray.
Well, sorry I haven't been in touch.
I've just been so busy, man, you know? - How are the Crazy Dogggz? - They're a phenomenon.
Number one in 24 countries.
- They say hi? - No.
Have you seen the music video? - Yeah.
- Yeah, terrible.
- I helped direct it.
- It was good.
- Know the dog? It was my idea.
- Really? - It's Toby.
- How was South America? Oh, awesome.
Really good, thanks.
Yeah.
We did one gig That was in Rio.
Then the President of Peru invited us to like a dinner.
We had parfaits.
I got like a big sun lounger.
Do we have any gigs, Murray? Yeah.
Yeah, you've got the library.
They want you back for the bingo night.
That was good the first time, wasn't it? Yeah.
Actually that's the same night that the Crazy Dogggz have got a big gig.
- Giant Stadium.
- How giant is it? That's what it's called Giant.
So I'm guessing pretty big.
So I'm gonna go there first, set them up, and then come back to the library, help you guys out, and then probably to and fro between the library and the stadium.
Yeah, Murray, it seems like you're spending a lot more time with the Crazy Dogggz than us.
No, equal time.
Check my schedules, it's equal.
- Really? - Yeah.
I can't discuss it now 'cause I've got to go.
I've got lunch with Tori Amos.
Yeah yeah.
Keep practicing, okay? See ya! # Oh yeah, arf arf # # Oh yeah # # I know what's happening.
#