Ghosted (2017) s01e12 Episode Script

1 BARRY: No, no.
Found the end of the line on those shell corporations.
One of them has a P.
O.
box.
Those look like stakeout PB and Js.
Is that the right box? MAX: Yeah, that's our guy.
- (TIRES SCREECHING) - Drone! - (GUNFIRE) - (YELLING) Mm-hmm.
The wire passed through here.
I can sense it.
I'm also getting a very strong sense of grain.
Grain, grain.
That's great.
Hey, Celeste, do Hey, when your psychic friend is done here, do you think she could help me find the thermostat? I've been cold since, like, October.
I know it seems silly, but we used Celeste a few times back at the LAPD.
She once found a five-year-old girl hiding in a storage closet in a condominium sales office.
Her only clue was a dirty mitten.
- How do you explain that? - She hid the girl? I don't know.
Are you still at it, Elvira? Don't give him my bank account numbers, okay? And, uh, if you can talk to people in hell, would you say hi to my dad? (LAUGHS) You know, I'm thinking about bringing in a guy tomorrow who makes balloon animals.
Yeah, maybe he can help you find your dignity.
(LAUGHS) CELESTE: I'm getting something.
I'm-I'm getting They're telling me, "Isabelle.
" It's a book with a character Isabelle.
No.
Author? - Mm.
It's not clear.
- Sometimes it's clear? What about that missing child thing that you've done? Can you just pretend that the guys that bugged our office are missing children? Maybe that would work.
Is there anything, anything else you're sensing? Well, I kept smelling green.
MAX: See, that's interesting because green is a color, not an odor.
I should go.
Uh, let me see you out.
Celeste, let us know if you have any luck finding Truman's cat.
You know, if you sense any ghost kitties haunting mice in the West Wing.
Um, I don't suppose you could sign this? It would be my pleasure.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Hey, what were you talking about, Truman's cat? What, you don't know about the cat? You people don't know about the cat? - It's a great story.
- LAFREY: Let it go, Merv.
It's bad for morale.
No, no.
I think they deserve to know how their agency was created.
So, President Harry Truman, he had an American Shorthair named Lamar.
Okay, one night in 1947, Lamar disappeared from his bed.
So, Truman thought the cat was invisible.
Oh, good God, you're butchering the story.
- MERV: What? - Okay, so Truman wanted the FBI to investigate the case of the invisible cat.
They didn't want to.
They formed the Bureau Underground.
70 years later, still no cat.
And here we are, working for Merv.
Well, thank you, Ava.
That was inspired storytelling.
You should do The Moth.
- Thank you.
- ANNIE: Celeste just told me that the cat's in the dumbwaiter in the West Wing of the White House.
BARRY: Ooh, it's not too late to say a few words.
For many, Lamar was seen as an introvert I'll call the White House.
Wait, you're actually calling the White House? Yes, I am.
She also said something else but I don't know if I should say.
Ah, don't be that person who says, "Oh, I know this thing," and then don't say the thing.
Nobody likes that person.
- Yeah, tell us what the freaky lady said.
- (OTHERS MURMURING) - Come on.
- BARRY: Come on, come on.
MAX: Come on, tell us, tell us.
Okay! Okay.
She said that tonight one of us is gonna die on the way home.
(LAUGHTER) - Really? - Right.
Sounds like the kind of thing you should've kept to yourself.
Guys, we should totally trust her.
She smells colors.
- I hope she dies.
- DAVEY: I hope it's me.
Yeah, it's silly.
I'm-I'm sorry that I even said anything.
She is just a lame, cash-grabbing psychic.
So let's just pretend that I never said anything.
Yeah, in the dumbwaiter shaft, yeah.
Looking for a cat skeleton.
I'll keep holding.
- Is this yours? - No.
MAX: It says here, "To Annie, may the spirit guide you.
Celeste.
" - Okay, fine.
I enjoy her.
- Hmm.
- I find her entertaining.
- So you don't believe or? (CHUCKLES): No.
Not really.
I mean (SIGHS) Maybe a little.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you? There isn't a teensy, tiny part of you that thinks maybe she's right? Well, Annie, there is a chapter here called, "Science versus What I Know Is True," so You know, she told me something about you.
No, no, no, see, I know what you're doing here.
You're trying to get me interested in Celeste's bullcrap, like someone's gonna die on the way home or dead cats in the White House.
- It was pretty juicy.
- I don't care.
I really don't.
You know what? I want you to never tell me what she said.
That's how much I don't care.
I don't care.
LAFREY: Guys, they found a cat skeleton in the dumbwaiter in the West Wing.
They also found a collar next to it with the name - "Lama" on it.
- Lama? Yes, but there was a space after the last "A" where the "R" could have been.
- Lamar.
- LAFREY: That's right.
That's right.
Oh, come on you guys.
Really? The fact that Celeste found a cat skeleton does not mean one of us is going to die tonight.
I bet half her business is finding cat skeletons.
And I bet half of that half is probably dead cats in dumbwaiters.
I mean, dumbwaiters are cat flatteners, you guys.
She is not a wizard.
Leroy, am I right? Right.
She's not a wizard.
BARRY: I'm with Max.
She is no wizard.
But might she be a witch? DAVEY: I'm supposed to go to my daughter's birthday party tonight.
Yeah, okay, and you still can, Davey.
You can go.
So, I've been thinking, and should I pass in the night, I think it's important you know that I tried to sleep with your boyfriend.
Now, in my defense, you were new here.
Hey, that was some talk with Celeste, huh? - You okay? - Yeah.
She say anything else? - That's all I remember.
- Think! She's usually way more specific, you know.
Leroy, the only thing that she said was one of you was gonna die tonight on the way home.
- She didn't say who? - No.
- How? - No.
- When? - No.
- Say what kind of car it was? - No.
Were they driving? - Were their hands, like, ten and two? - No.
- No.
No.
- Nine and three? - Four and eight? 12 and six? - No.
Leroy, I've told you everything that I know.
Don't put any stock into this.
So I have pulled books either written by an Isabelle or with the name Isabelle in the title.
Using "grain" and "green," I have determined that we are looking for a crop field You do realize this is a wild goose chase, and we have no idea if any of this is meaningful? Yes, I know, Max, but if I'm not kept busy, then my mind begins to wander to the time when Larry told me he was moving in with Jocelyn.
We were at this Italian restaurant, and he just put some cash down on the table and walked out.
And then both of our meals arrive, and I start mixing things up together, like some kind of food family, trying to, you know, make a family out of that food, and then I couldn't, I just couldn't stop eating.
I just kept eating and eating, and then, outside, I threw up on the shoes of the guy who invented the sideways moving car.
Now Okay, so you keep working on that.
Sounds like you're, uh you're really onto something.
Right, Leroy? - Leroy? - Hmm? - The, uh - Oh.
I'm sorry, I was just thinking about how I've never made my own pizza dough.
- What? - Not once.
Why'd I even buy the stone? (RINGTONE PLAYING "9 TO 5") (RINGTONE STOPS) Everyone.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Really? You're not going home? What about your daughter's birthday party? Ugh I'll send my twin brother.
She likes him better anyway.
She calls him "Daddy good mood.
" Are any of you going home? - Yeah.
- (OTHERS MURMURING) - Barry? - Yes, yes, I'm-I'm gonna g-go home, just not this exact moment.
If you're so confident, why aren't you going home? You know what, that's a great idea.
(SCOFFS) Leroy, let's go.
- No - But you're my ride.
Come on, man.
Seriously? MERV: Am I the first one out the door? Normally the clock strikes 5:00, and there's a stampede for the parking lot.
Merv.
Are you really gonna risk it? Um yeah.
Nighty-night.
Oh, by the way, Merv, we resolved the cat case.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - Lamar's remains have been found.
Well, what do you know, you guys actually solved something.
I'll make sure to let President Truman know.
What's President Truman gonna do with a dead cat? LEROY: There he is.
That's him turning off our street.
I'm gonna keep an eye on you.
Annie, can you pull up the satellite feed? Yeah.
MAX: Uh, my God, you guys, what are you doing? (TYPING) He's swerving.
He's having a stroke.
He straightened out.
He's good.
He's got it.
- (CAR HORNS HONKING) - (TIRES SCREECHING) Oh, he's having another stroke.
Is that a truck? - No, no, no.
Easy.
Easy.
- Careful, Merv.
- Easy.
Easy.
Easy.
Easy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! (TRUCK HORN HONKING) - Whoa! - (ALL SCREAM) (EXHALES) Well he made it home.
Oh, my God, you guys, what a surprise.
Merv didn't die.
SASHA: Yeah, Max is right.
- Ken, Barry, you guys coming? - KEN: Okay.
LEROY: Dude.
You sure? No.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) I should've talked to him more.
In the kitchen, he'd always ask about my weekends.
I never told him.
I had some weekends he would've loved.
- You're not worried about Sasha? - (SCOFFS) Oh, of course.
Her-her, too.
DAVEY: So you want me to die, is that it? You would rather our daughter have a dead father than miss one lousy birthday? Am I getting that right, Charlene?! - (DIAL TONE HUMMING) - Charlene? She hung up.
I'll show her.
When I die, it'll ruin her life.
Okay, bye.
Uhp, that's another one home safe.
BARRY: Ooh! If Celeste is right, with everyone that gets home safely, the odds go up that it's one of us who dies.
That seems like sound logic to me.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go.
Yep.
(SIGHS) I believe in psychics, but also reincarnation.
Let's get this over with.
Keep your eye out for a frog with my personality, please.
Weird frog with a beard.
Got it.
Okay, so let me get this straight.
You are now all leaving because you believe? Is that right? Barry, what are you doing? Don't do that.
Look, either you're gonna die, which won't happen, or you're gonna live, and you're just gonna have to come back and bring those plants back tomorrow.
Look, just stop being so bloody rational, Max! - It's so annoying! Leave my plants! - Okay.
Just - Leave my plants! Get off! - Whoa, whoa! Oh, my God.
- Are you taking the stairs? - I love my plants, I love LINDA: Oh, you better not be taking the stairs! BARRY: See you in hell, Linda! LINDA: I'll see you in hell! - (SIGHS) - Oh, you, too? (SCOFFS) Good night, Max.
Uh, good night.
(EXHALES) Okay, fine.
You win.
I want to know what Celeste said about me.
You told me never to tell you.
Well, yeah but Good night.
- That was a long hug.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) MAX: Oh, my God.
(SIGHS) - Leroy - Nope.
Come on, man! This is ridiculous! Everyone's gone.
We can be reasonable about this.
Okay? I want to go.
There are other ways to get home, you know.
MAX: Yeah, I know.
I left my wallet at home and Can't use Uber; I have a one-star rating.
No one will pick me up.
How'd you get a one-star rating? Well, I need to ride in the front, and in certain traffic situations, as you know, I need someone to sometimes hold my hand.
So what? - I'm staying.
- This is silly.
- No, it's not silly.
- Yes.
- It's normal, Max.
- Leroy Max, you're not superstitious, right? I don't see you walking under ladders.
Well, I would totally walk under a ladder.
- You would walk under a ladder? - Yeah.
If there was a ladder here right now, you'd walk under it? - Yeah.
- Okay, tough guy.
Are you gonna go get a ladder? Maybe you've never been to the supply closet.
I want to see Max Jennifer tempt fate and walk under this ladder.
I would love to.
- Okay.
Let's see.
- All right.
- Be my guest.
- Just under here? - Is that where I go? - Just under there.
Yeah.
- Just straight across? Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
All right.
You asked for it.
Oh, my God! (GASPS DRAMATICALLY) Oh, I just walked under a ladder.
Oh, oh, oh, I'm doing it again.
Oh, now I'm gonna go sideways.
What if I do that? Ladder walk, cha-cha-cha.
Tempting fate, cha-cha-cha.
You know what? Maybe I'll do it 13 times.
- How about that? - Max - That's when it's gonna get really good.
- Stop it.
What are you doing? - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - What is wrong with you?! Is that ladder your best friend? LAFREY: All right.
Nope.
I got two bottles of Chablis waiting for me.
That should be enough to turn the lights off.
Hey.
- Can I get a ride home, please? - To the east side? Yeah.
It's less than half an hour.
Well, normally, I would say no, so that's what I'm gonna do now.
Good night.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Come on, Leroy.
It's time to go home.
I'm not going.
Okay.
You know, if you want to camp out in this cold office, that's up to you.
But I am out.
There's a bus station a few miles from here.
Or maybe I can guess the combination to Bird's recumbent bike lock.
Whoa.
Maybe I was unclear.
You can't leave.
Yes, I can.
Obviously, I believe in this stuff.
So that means I also believe if you go through that door, there's a strong chance you'll die.
I-I, honestly, I do not get it.
Like, how can you believe in a psychic premonition? You're the guy that doesn't even believe in aliens.
You're the guy that does believe in aliens.
Don't you see how that's way weirder? I used to think you were so smart.
You probably don't even believe in crystals.
- Of course I don't.
Do you? - Only the ones that work.
Okay, do you believe in palm reading? - No.
- Tarot cards? - Of course not.
- Tea leaves? - Obviously.
- Voodoo dolls? No.
But you asking me that, a little bit racist.
Do you think if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back? I tested it, my mother was fine.
Now you're just insulting me.
Do you believe in God? Also keeps the vampires away.
Okay.
Fair enough.
Looks like, uh, we're both stay This is not chill, bro! I am a grown-up.
So are you.
LEROY: Go limp.
Go limp.
You let everyone else leave.
Why not me? Just because Shut up! Okay.
I'm-I'm limp.
I'm limp.
I'll stay.
- That's your word? - Yeah.
I'm sorry I roughed you up.
I'm sorry I-I roughed you up, too, w-with my moves.
You want some? - It's dinner.
- I'm great.
Alright.
Could happily always sleep here.
I'm gonna make you a pizza.
- At your place? - Yeah.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Never seen your place.
- I know.
Very specific picture in my mind of what Leroy's place looks like.
Paint that picture for me.
- Leather couch - Ding.
- Not much else.
- Ding.
- Am I right? - Yes, you are.
To warn you, I'm a snorer, so You don't know snores.
very strong sense of grain - How about following our leads? - Well, I kept smelling green Maybe she can help you find your dignity It's a book with a character Isabelle.
author Holy crap! I know who bugged our office.
Leroy, I know who bugged our office! [SNORING.]
Fine.
I'll tell you in the morning.