Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e12 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
YOU'LL FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- HERE'S ALL THE OLD
FAMILY PHOTOS, GRANDMA.
- AHEM, AHEM.
MOUSE HOLE INSPECTOR!
TIME FOR
YOUR ANNUAL INSPECTION.
EVERYONE OUTSIDE!
JUST DOING MY JOB.
- THAT CA
REALLY BUGS ME.
- OH, WASN'T IGGY JUS
THE CUTEST BABY?
- PUT ON YOUR GLASSES.
THAT'S HEATHCLIFF.
- THAT SETTLES IT, THEN.
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR
A NEW FAMILY PORTRAIT.
- OH, NO!
- SHALL WE?
- LET'S!
YOU LOOK GOOD IN
A HAT, HEATHCLIFF.
AH, HA HA HA!
- WAIT'LL I GE
THOSE CRUMMY
MICE!
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE
SPRING CLEANING.
- YOWW!
- YOWW!
- DO YOU FEEL A DRAFT,
GRANDMA?
- OH, IT'S JUS
HEATHCLIFF,
HELPING WITH
THE HOUSEWORK.
- WHOAA!
- CUCKOO!
- CUCKOO!
- CUCKOO!
- AHA!
WHOA!
- CUCKOO! STILL ACCURATE
AFTER 25 YEARS.
- WHAT?! THE VACUUM!
WAIT! COME BACK!
- I TOLD YOU THERE'S
A DRAFT IN HERE.
- YAAAAH!
WHOAAA!
- HEATHCLIFF SURE IS THOROUGH
WHEN IT COMES TO CLEANING UP.
- SPEAKING OF CLEANING UP,
WE HAVE AN APPOINTMEN
AT THE PHOTOGRAPHY
STUDIO TODAY,
AND HEATHCLIFF
NEEDS A BATH.
- BATH?
BATH?!
HE-HE-HEY! THEY'LL
NEVER FIND ME HERE.
- WHERE IS THAT CRITTER?
- IGGY, YOU GO FIND HEATHCLIFF
WHILE GRANDPA AND I
TRY AND STRAIGHTEN
THIS HOUSE UP.
- THERE YOU ARE.
TIME FOR YOUR BATH.
- WATCH OUT,
YOU STUPID CAT!
GET OFF ME, FUR BRAIN!
SPIKE! HELP!
GRAB THAT CAT!
HEY, THANKS FOR THE LIFT,
MUGSY-WUGSY!
DO DO DO DO DO
WHOO HOO HOO HOO
MM-MMM!
[SLURP SLURP]
- GIVE UP, HEATHCLIFF!
- HEY, WHERE ARE THE BRAKES
ON THIS THING?!
OH, I CAN'T LOOK!
- AW, CHEER UP, HEATHCLIFF.
- [GROAN]
- REMIND ME NOT TO LE
HEATHCLIFF VACUUM
THE HOUSE ANYMORE.
OH, GOOD. IGGY'S BACK.
AS SOON AS YOU BATHE
LITTLE HEATHCLIFF,
WE'LL BE ON OUR WAY.
- PERFECT. GET IN.
COME ON, NOW.
THAT'S BETTER.
HUH?
- WHY ARE WE WAITING
FOR THAT DARN CAT?
THIS IS A FAMILY PORTRAIT.
- HEATHCLIFF ISFAMILY.
- GOL' DARN IT!
THIS SUIT'S
ONLY SUPPOSED
TO BE DRY-CLEANED!
- MILK!
- REEOWWRR!
- WAAAA!
WAAAA!
- LET'S SEE IF
WE CAN'T GET THIS OVER WITH.
- WAAAAA!
- HEE HEE!
HYUK HYUK!
- WAAAA!
WAAAA!
- HMM
- AH-AH-AH-CHOOO!
- HEY, GESUNDHEIT.
RRAAAHHRR!
- MOMMY!
- I CAN'T TAKE
ALL THIS COMMOTION.
COME ON. LET'S
GET OUTTA HERE.
- THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
- THANK YOU. DO COME AGAIN.
- SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?
WAIT'LL WE GET HOME.
LET'S GO, CLAUDE.
- HA HA HA HA!
HEE HEE! HYUK!
- [FRENCH ACCENT]
NEXT, PLEASE!
DO HURRY.
I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY.
[BROOKLYN ACCENT]
WHAT A WAY TO
MAKE A LIVING.
[FRENCH ACCENT]
PLEASE CHOOSE ONE
OF THE BACKDROPS.
- I'D LIKE
THE LAKE SCENE.
YEAH, I'M A BIT OF
A FISHERMAN MYSELF.
ONCE, I CAUGHT THIS
25-POUND BEAUTY, AND I
HAD TO LEAN AGAINST
[TEARING]
- OHH!
AH, I JUST ADD I
TO THE BILL.
THIS ONE WITH THE HORSES
IS LOVELY.
- MADAM, PUT ON YOUR GLASSES.
AH, NOW, YOU SIT THERE.
NO. NEXT TO HIM.
NO, OVER THERE.
MOVE TO THE RIGHT.
NOW, YOU SIT NEXT TO HER.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
STAY LIKE THAT.
NOW SAY "CHEESE."
- CHEESE?
DID SOMEBODY SAY CHEESE?
- YAAAH!
- YAAAH!
- NOW SAY "CHEESE"!
- THERE'S THA
MAGIC WORD AGAIN.
- GRRR
- SACRE BLEU!
I SHOULD HAVE STUCK
TO PHOTOGRAPHING FRUIT.
- YOWWW!
- KITTY PINCUSHION.
- WHY ME?
YEEEOWWW!
- HA HA HA!
- OOH! OWW! OHH!
OW! OHH-HO!
OOH, NO MORE
MR. NICE GUY!
- HEY, FUZZ FACE,
SAY "CHEESE!"
- MEEEOWWRR!
OHH! OOH!
- AH, HA HA HA!
- HUH?
- AH, THIS IS THE LIFE.
- ANYONE FOR A SWIM?
- HUH? GERONIMO!
- HA HA HA!
- GRR! GRR!
- YIKES!
- RREEOWWRR!
TURN ON THE LIGHTS!
- WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SCAREDY CAT?
- ME? SCARED?
WHY, YOU LITTLE--
YIKES!
WHAT WAS THAT?
WOW! THAT TURKEY IS
THE OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER
FOR FELINE MAGAZINE.
OH, I'M IMPRESSED!
I COULD BE A COVER BOY.
- WE'LL PUT YOU
ON THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE.
- YEAH--
MONSTER MAGAZINE.
- YOU'RE GONNA
BE A STAR, BABY.
THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU.
[GARGLES]
[KISS]
TA-DA!
- WHY ME?
I AM A NICE GUY.
I HELP OLD LADIES
ACROSS THE STREET.
I EAT MY VEGETABLES.
SACRE BLEU!
I EVEN BRUSH MY TEETH
AFTER EVERY MEAL!
WELL, ALMOST.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
- MEEOWWRR.
MEOWRR.
MEEEOWWWWWRRRRR!
- OH, I GIVE UP.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER
CAMERA AS LONG AS I LIVE.
I'M GOING TO
SELL ENCYCLOPEDIAS.
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WHAT ABOU
MY BIG BREAK?
I WAS GONNA BE
A HOUSEHOLD WORD.
- AREN'T THESE PHOTOGRAPHS
OF IGGY JUST ADORABLE?
- PUT ON YOUR GLASSES!
THAT'S HEATHCLIFF.
I KNOW. I'LL GET OU
THE OLD BOX CAMERA,
AND I'LL TAKE
THE FAMILY PORTRAIT.
I USED TO BE
AN ACE PHOTOGRAPHER.
- GOOD IDEA.
IGGY, GIVE HEATHCLIFF
ANOTHER BATH.
- HERE WE GO AGAIN.
[WHEELS SQUEAKING]
- [GRUNTING]
ALMOST MADE IT.
I HOPE THOSE CATS
DON'T HEAR ME.
- WHATCHA GOT THERE, LEROY?
- OH, NO.
- WHOAAA!
- OOF!
- OOF!
- [GROANING]
- THAT LITTLE RED
WAGON IS REALLY DRAGGIN'.
- THIS BELONGS
TO THE JUNKYARD.
I WANT YOU GUYS TO
STAY AWAY FROM IT.
- STAY AWAY FROM WHAT, LEROY?
- I DON'T WANT YOU
GUYS MESSING WITH
THIS DIRT BIKE.
IT'S WORTH MONEY.
- DUH, YOU MEAN IT'S MADE
OF DIRT?
- HEY, NO PROBLEM, LEROY.
YOU CAN COUNT ON US TO
KEEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE.
TRUST ME.
LOOKING GOOD, BOYS.
JUST THE HANDLEBARS
AND AIR IN THE TIRES,
AND WE'RE READY
TO SEE HOW FAS
THIS BABY CAN GO.
- OK, CHUMP,
START THE PUMP.
- IN WITH THE GOOD AIR,
OUT WITH THE BAD AIR.
- YOU GO FIRST, MONGO.
- DUHH, HOW COME I
GET TO GO FIRST?
- 'CAUSE YOU GO
THE HELMET, DUMMY.
- DUH, YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE.
- I'M READY WHEN YOU ARE.
- OK. ALL SET.
- OH, NO!
- COUNTDOWN!
- 321GO!
- WHOOOOAAAA!
- HUH? MONGO!
YAAAH!
- GO, MONGO, GO!
- HEY, SLOW DOWN, FURBALL.
LET ME OFF!
- I CAN'T SEE!
- BETTER YELL STOP.
I DON'T THINK HE CAN SEE
THE JUMP COMING UP.
- UHHHANG ON
BACK THERE.
HEREWEGOOOO!
WHOOOAAA!
DUHH, THEY SAY A MUD PACK
IS VERY GOOD FOR THE SKIN.
- GRRR!
- OH, NO.
- LOOKS LIKE MONGO
RAN OUT OF GAS
BEFORE THE BIKE DID.
- HA HA HA!
- HEY, HOW COME
WORDSWORTH AND I
HAVE TO RIDE BEFORE YOU,
RIFF-RAFF?
- YEAH, DUDE. TELL US FAS
WHY YOU GO LAST.
- BECAUSE YOU GUYS WILL SE
THE PACE FOR ME TO WIN,
AND I WILL, YOU KNOW.
- YEAH, WE KNOW.
- DUHH, WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
[ENGINES REVVING]
- UH-OH.
- WHAT ARE WE STOPPING HERE
FOR, BOSS?
- 'CAUSE I SAY WE DO, SEE?
BESIDES, CHECK
THAT OUT OVER THERE.
- WHAT'S SO SPECIAL
ABOUT A JUNKYARD, PANTHER?
- IT'S A TRACK FOR
RACING BIKES, DUMMY.
WE'RE GOING IN THERE
AND RACE BIKES.
- MY SKIN SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL
AFTER THIS MUD PACK.
- UHH!
- HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, PAL?
NICE THREADS.
- HEY, MY NAME AIN'T PAL, OK?
IT'S PANTHER,
AND WE ARE
GOING TO OFFER YOU
A LITTLE COMPETITION.
- HEY!
RIFF-RAFF, HELP!
- CLEO!
- PLEASE, STOP IT!
YOU CREEP, LET ME GO!
RIFF-RAFF WILL
GET YOU FOR THIS.
- HEH HEH HEH!
- I'LL GET HIM, BOSS.
HE CAN'T GE
AWAY WITH THIS.
- WE NEED A SCHEME
TO HANDLE THIS SCENE.
- QUICK, GET ME
A BARREL OF OIL.
A SLICK IDEA.
- HEY! WHOOAAA!
WHOOAA!
PHEW!
- QUICK, MOVE THOSE SKATES
AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
- HANG ON, AND WE'RE GONE!
THIS IS TOTALLY
GNARLY, CHARLIE.
- GRAB ON, CLEO, QUICK!
- I'M TRYING. RIFF-RAFF!
- HEH HEH. SO LONG,
YOU LUGHEADS. HA HA HA!
- YIKES!
- RIFF-RAFF,
COME BACK HERE!
- WHOAAA!
- HECTOR, STOP THE BIKE!
- OK, BOSS. YOU GOT IT.
- EE-YOWWW!
- GEE, RIFF-RAFF,
I DIDN'T THINK THA
BIKE WAS BUILT FOR 3.
- YOU GOT THAT. 2 IS COOL.
3 IS WHOOWEE!
- AND 4 IS JUST RIGHT.
THAT'S IT. WE NEED
A MACHINE FOR 4.
- HUH?
- RIFF-RAFF WILL SAVE ME
FROM YOU, YOU MEATBALL.
- HEY, STICKS AND STONES
WILL BREAK MY BONES,
BUT YOUR FRIEND
RIFF-RAFF WON'T EVEN
COME CLOSE. HA HA!
- BOY, AM I DIZZY!
- HEH. YOU ALSO BETTER
GO ON A DIET AND LOSE
THAT SPARE TIRE.
HA HA HA!
- A REAL WORK OF ART.
- YEAH. ART WILL
REALLY DIG IT.
- DUHHART WHO?
- CLIMB ABOARD, GANG.
WE HAVE SOME
CHAINS TO RATTLE.
- I'LL STAY BACK HERE
AS LOOSE AS A GOOSE.
- LET'S GO!
- CLEO!
- RIFF-RAFF,
SAVE ME THIS MINUTE!
- HA HA HA!
- HA HA HA!
- PFFFFT!
- GET 'EM, MEN!
- DON'T YOU LEAVE
ME HERE LIKE THIS,
YOU MISSING LINK!
- OOH!
- UHH!
- WHAT'S THE PLAN, RIFF MAN?
- WE'LL GIVE 'EM PLAN "A."
- WHAT'S PLAN "A"?
- HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
OK, MONGO, GO GET HIM.
- DUHHHOW?
- HERE'S HOW.
- WHOOAA!
- OH, NO!
MOMMY!
- NICE WORK, MONGO.
- NO MORE MR. NICE CAT.
LET'S GET 'EM.
WEASEL, HOOK 'EM UP.
NET 'EM, BONES!
NOW I'M GETTING THE PRIZE
WHILE YOU GO FINISH
OFF THESE HAIRBALLS!
HA HA HA!
- OK, HECTOR,
SHOW THIS GUY WHO
BELONGS IN THE NET.
- YOU GOT IT, RIFF-RAFF.
- UH-OHH
OOF!
UHHH
- LOOKS LIKE YOU NETTED YOURSELF
A BIG ONE, HECTOR.
NOW, WORDSWORTH,
GET RID OF THAT WEASEL
ON OUR BACK.
- THIS WEASEL
IS DRIFTIN' FOR A LIFTIN'.
- HEY!
HELP!
- HA HA! MY, OH, MY!
HE'S HIGH AND DRY.
- I'LL GIVE RIFF-RAFF
JUST ONE MORE CHANCE
TO SAVE ME.
- HA! THAT WIMP IS
TOO BUSY WITH MY BOYS
TO WORRY ABOUT YOU, BABE!
NOW YOU'RE ALL MINE!
HA HA HA!
- OK, BOYS. NOW THA
WE HAVE THE GANG UNDER CONTROL,
I HAVE TO GET MY GIRL BACK.
- WHAT'S THIS?
- WHOA-HO!
- HELP!
- COMING, DEAR!
- WHOOOAAA!
OHHH
- SO LONG, TURKEYS!
- TAKE A HIKE!
- WITHOUT YOUR BIKE!
- [LAUGHTER]
- IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH
TO RESCUE ME,
BUT I GUESS
YOU DESERVE THIS.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I DESERVE THIS.
HA HA HA!
- SPIKE HERE IS HELPING ME
DEMONSTRATE AN IMPORTAN
SAFETY TIP FOR YOUR PETS.
NEVER, NEVER LOCK YOUR CA
OR DOG IN A CLOSED CAR.
ON A HOT DAY, THE TEMPERATURE
CAN GO WAY OVER 100 DEGREES.
GEE. SPIKE AND I ARE JUS
KIDDING AROUND,
BUT REMEMBER,
THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER.
- THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS.
HEATHCLIFF AND I ARE MAKING
BELIEVE WHAT COULD HAPPEN,
BUT IT'S REALLY NO
A LAUGHING MATTER.
[LAUGHING]
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU