I Didn't Do It (2014) s01e12 Episode Script

And now, ladies and gentlemen, esteemed colleagues, we will begin our demonstration proving the enhanced psychic ability of fraternal twins.
Hummingbird to Tigerboy, I'm in position.
But I'm seriously pitting out up here! Logan, Lindy, I want you to each write down the name of any city in the world.
Tigerboy, I cannot get a visual on Battle-ax.
I'm going in.
Hummingbird, back in the nest! Back in the nest! You're cheating again?! What makes you say that? Strawberry boomerang with extra protein.
I was first.
I was first! Fine.
You're first, but you're paying for it.
I'm already paying for it by having you as a brother.
Two strawberry boomerangs.
One with extra protein and one with belly button lint.
I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing because a) you were speaking rather loudly, b) you were doing it in unison, and c) ordered the same, somewhat obscure blended fruit beverage.
Are you two by any chance twins? Yes, but not so loud.
I don't like everyone to know.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Dr.
Denise Malloy, and I'm conducting a study So I've got P.
E.
third period and Ms.
Kramers' class fourth, which is on the other side of school.
I've gotta run all the way across campus.
And with my underarm moisture issue, by the time I get there, I'm sweating so much that my deodorant has melted and run down into my underwear.
I just had the most fascinating conversation.
I didn't.
That woman behind us in line is an expert on twin behavior.
She wants to know if we'd be part of a study.
You know there's nothing I hate more than studying! Come on, all we have to do is take a test.
Oh, look at that.
There is something I hate more than studying.
Lindy, if you want to take part in some study about twins, you'll have to do it by yourself.
What if I were to tell you that you'd get $50 and miss a few hours of school? I'd say I'm "twin" it to win it.
Class, I have to step out for a minute.
No talking and no cell phones! Hey, let's talk about this video I found on my cell phone.
You heard what Ms.
Park said.
I don't want to get in trouble.
It's a panda dressed like a lion, jumping up and down like a monkey.
You don't know whether to hug it or run for your life.
Fire it up, girl! Aw! Ooh.
Ooh! Panda-monkey-lion? I love that video.
Almost as much as I love giving detention! Well, Ms.
Park, if you're in such a giving mood, how about giving us a break? A stern warning? The name of your Pilates instructor? Because you are cut like a melon at a Fourth of July picnic! Detention, it is.
Anyway, Mr.
Vaughn, with that big run across campus to get to my class, you can see how serious my scheduling problem is.
Well, you can't right now 'cause I got paper towels in there, but I understand, Garrett, and as your guidance counselor, I know exactly how to handle this.
Have you considered switching deodorants? Out of the question.
My family has a long and troubled history with overly sensitive underarm skin.
I will look into changing your schedule.
Oh.
Well, thanks, Mr.
Vaughn.
You know, you're the first person I've ever been able to open up to about my underarms.
Mind if I run a few more things by you? You do know that I'm a guidance counselor and not a therapist? Oh, totally.
Anyway, I've been having this dream where I'm a puppy.
A yellow lab.
I'm happy, but I can't wag my tail.
What do you think that means? I'm never gonna get out of here today? So to establish the telepathic bond between the two of you, I'll ask a series of random questions, and you both write down the first thing that pops into your head.
That's easy enough, isn't it? I wrote "Yes.
" What'd she write? We haven't started yet.
Alrighty then Number one, the two of you write down the first word that pops into your head.
Any word will do.
Hmm Detention in two minutes, girls.
Chop, chop.
Hey, Garrett.
Everything okay? Uh, yeah.
Everything's fine.
Okay, that was weird.
I told Mr.
Vaughn about something very personal in confidence, and just now, Ms.
Park asked me about that same very personal thing.
Coincidence? Yes.
No, I don't think so.
And I don't think teachers should be blabbing personal things about students to other teachers.
You don't know for sure that he told her.
No.
No, I don't.
But I will because I'm gonna go back to him, make something up, and see if he blabs it to her.
Or you could just let it go.
Good one, Deelz.
Okay, time's up.
Wow, that was two hours already? Time totally flew by.
When was the last time we just sat somewhere doing nothing? It was actually kind of nice just the two of us hanging out, chilling.
I like chilling.
Now I know why they call it detention, because de-tension just melts away.
I hope you've learned your lesson.
You thinking what I'm thinking? Way ahead of you.
Whoops.
I guess we didn't learn our lesson after all.
I'll see you both back here after school tomorrow! Oh, too bad.
Say it ain't so.
I need to speak to you regarding a matter of the utmost scientific importance.
Lindy, it's for you! Come in, Dr.
Malloy.
Your test scores were off the charts.
Hate to correct you, but I believe the expression is "off the chain.
" Although "off the hook" is also acceptable.
Logan, she's a doctor, not a deejay.
So how well did we do? You scored one hundred percent! One hundred percent?! I know.
Those are words you don't hear every day, huh? It's remarkable.
You two possess incredible telepathic communication skills.
Wow, that's great! That's what I'm talking about! I can finally publish my ten-year study.
I just need you two to take the test again at a conference in front of a group of my peers.
Of course, there'll be a thousand dollar stipend for you to share.
We couldn't be more excited to help you! This is just the beginning.
If all goes well, the three of us will be traveling to the international conference in Switzerland! Oh! Well, can I just say yo-duh-lay-hee-hoo! I'll email all the details.
And can I just say, thank you for being yo-duh-lay-hee-you! This is amazing! You know, I'm not even surprised.
I've known deep down in my heart that you and I have an incredible connection.
I don't know.
Something like this makes me want to apologize for all the times I judged you with all of your scheming and always taking the easy way out.
What? What is so funny? Hey, we're so connected, you tell me! Logan, come on.
Tell me.
I want to know what's so funny! Okay.
You know how I never got a hundred percent on a test without cheating? Yeah.
Well, I still haven't.
What do you mean you cheated? How could you do that? Pretty easily, actually.
There was a reflection in the lamp behind you.
Next, name a famous person from history.
Can you move to the left? What? Why? You're, uh You're jammin' my twin-waves.
Connection restored.
The hard part was turning all the answers from backwards to forwards.
"Mocha frappuccino" almost blew my brain out.
But why would you cheat? We were getting the money either way.
It was a test.
I could see answers.
Instinct took over, Lindy! Like a fish.
He sees a glass of water.
He has to drink.
Actually, fish don't Ugh! What is wrong with you?! You're pathetic, you're desperate, and you always take the easy way out just to make a dollar.
You're missing the point.
We're getting a thousand bucks for doing nothing! We are not taking that money.
That is Dr.
Malloy's life work.
We have to tell her the truth, Logan.
Or and just hear me out We don't.
Ugh! You are impossible! I can't even be in the same house as you! What was that? Mom's super expensive figurine thingy.
You know, the cute little girl standing on the bridge over the creek.
Is she okay? Not really.
She's up the creek, and so are you.
You know, the more I think about this twin study, we really have to do it.
For Dr.
Malloy's sake.
We owe her.
Hey, Mr.
Vaughn.
I just came to thank you for all your help the other day with my very, very private matter.
No problem, Garrett.
So long.
There's something new on my mind.
It's really been bothering me.
Please tell me it has something to do with your S.
A.
T.
's and not your P-I-T's.
Nope.
Totally personal.
And I would be devastated if somebody else were to find out.
Well, then maybe you shouldn't be telling I have a sixth toe.
Have you ever considered home-schooling? I don't know why we didn't start getting in trouble years ago.
All those times I was like, "I didn't do it," I should've been like, "You're darn right I did it.
" Ahh Yeah, I am so chill right now.
I never knew how good bad kids had it.
I'm with you.
So what are we thinking for Ms.
Park tomorrow? T.
P.
her classroom or spill apple juice on her keyboard? Whoa, mad woman.
Save something for Friday.
So, Leanne you and me? After school tomorrow? Little putt-putt followed by a lot of din-din? It's a date-date, Gene.
Hey, Ms.
Park, I'm drawing a skull and writing hateful words on my desk.
How do you spell your first name? Leanne.
L-E-A-N-N-anything's possible.
I got this.
Oops.
I've been a menace to society.
Go ahead.
Give me my punishment.
Accidents happen.
Don't you mean detention, party of two? What's going on here, Ms.
Park? Mr.
Vaughn finally asked me out.
He's a man and he has a job.
You're not getting detention tomorrow, even if you left a flaming bag of dog poop on my desk.
Hey, Ms.
Park! Did I just see Mr.
Vaughn come from your classroom? Yes, he and I have a putt-putt-din-din date! I wish I could go on more dates, but I can never find a good pair of dress shoes that fit.
Well, it's kind of obvious why, isn't it? Yes.
Yes, it is obvious, but why don't you just say it out loud anyway? There's not a decent shoe store in the mall.
You gotta buy online if you want anything nice.
Well, yes, but with me in particular it's especially challenging, because well you know Garrett, if you have something to say, say it.
If you have something to say, say it.
I do.
Good-bye.
What's wrong with you? Ms.
Park didn't know about my sixth toe.
You have a sixth toe? No! It was a lie! And clearly not a big enough lie because Mr.
Vaughn didn't blab it to her! I gotta up my game! You seriously need to chill.
I suggest you break a couple windows, slice up a cucumber, and join us in detention.
Why do we have to do this practice test? Because when we get on that stage, we are not going to cheat.
And who knows? We are twins.
Maybe we do have some telepathy.
Yeah, but this is gonna be so boring.
Or is it? Welcome to everyone's favorite game show where we try and get twins who have nothing in common to quickly forge a psychic connection.
Ooh, this is cool! I'll do this! Figured you would.
Let's get ready to play "Whatever This Game's Called" with your host Delia.
Let's meet today's contestants.
A girl who needs money to replace a broken figurine and a guy who wants to go to Switzerland.
I hear they have holes in their cheese! And here we go! Write down the first animal you can think of.
Logan, what animal is Lindy thinking of? Uh Uh Uh All right, let's total up all those correct answers.
Out of a possible one hundred, you got a hundred! Wrong.
Aw.
Complete strangers would've score better than that, but thanks for playing.
Good night, everyone! Cheating's looking pretty good now, isn't it? No, absolutely not! I knew you were going to say that.
Why couldn't that have been one of the questions? Look, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna show up and we're gonna answer the questions the best we can.
We'll probably look like fools, but at least we'll have our integrity.
You're right.
The most important thing is integrity.
I don't give a rat's ski hat about integrity! If I'm gonna end up looking like a fool, at least let me do it in Switzerland, snowboarding down the Alps with a mouth full of holey cheese.
I'm gonna have to help you cheat, right? You know me so well.
Hey, Mr.
V.
Sorry I'm late for my appointment.
We don't have an appointment.
Well, thank goodness you take walk-ins.
I don't.
And I'm in a bit of a rush.
I have a date tonight Actually, that's personal.
That's between me and Ms.
Park.
Darn it! Hey, you can tell me anything.
I won't repeat it.
Just like you don't repeat things I tell you, do you? Of course not.
Well, we'll see about that, won't we? I gotta get rid of that couch.
Mr.
Vaughn, would you think it was weird if I told you I'd fallen in love with my mother's fur parka? You're in love with her parka? Well, it's not love.
We haven't been seeing each other long enough to call it that.
But I am thinking of taking her to the spring formal.
Garrett, that sounds awfully strange.
I know, I know.
It'd be more appropriate to take a fur parka to the winter formal.
Anyway, the real problem is, I used to date one of the cafeteria tables, and if she sees us together, well it could get weird.
Get weird? Well, I'll figure it out.
Thanks for listening.
Uh, please don't go.
I really think we should talk about this.
No, I'm good.
Look, I will cancel my date.
I am concerned about you, Garrett.
I'm fine.
Really.
I just have to get over to the Tripletree Hotel and hover over the stage where they're testing twins' ability to communicate telepathically.
So if you'll excuse me Oh, no.
You're not going anywhere in this agitated state.
Agitated? I'm not agitated.
Maybe you're agitated.
Who's agitated?! Well, Logan, we're about to fail a test and look like fools.
Anything you can tell me from experience? Would you relax? My powers of extrasensory perception are feeling really strong.
At least they will be any minute now.
Mr.
Vaughn, you have to let me out of here.
Now.
The whole thing falls apart if I'm not dangling from the ceiling.
Then my friend won't get to go to Switzerland and eat the holey cheese! Garrett, calm down.
You're in a safe place.
Just lie on your favorite couch, and I'll call your parents.
I'll even have your mom bring the parka.
Mr.
V! Mr.
V! Let me out! Mr.
V! Giving yourself detention just isn't the same thing, is it? No, I felt like we were just hanging out at school after hours for no reason.
What kind of weirdo does that? Asked and answered.
Hey, what are you doing? Mr.
Vaughn locked me in here 'cause he thinks I've lost it.
But I'm completely normal.
Normal, I tell you! Normal! Now let me out of here! I don't know.
That sounds like something we could get in big trouble for.
Yes.
Yes, it does.
Esteemed colleagues, if you'll please take your seats, we'll be starting our demonstration in just a moment.
Uh, Dr.
Malloy? Sorry, but I need to use the little boy's room.
Lindy was thinking about a waterfall and I kinda picked it up.
What happened to Garrett? We let him out.
Even though it was clearly not what you wanted.
Guess we'll have to suffer the consequences.
I have to get to the Tripletree Hotel, but I will deal with you two later.
Fantastic.
See you then.
Don't forget.
I'm ready for our date, Gene.
I can't! I have to go help Garrett! I'll tell you all the juicy details later.
I am so sorry for the 23-minute delay.
If they don't want you in there that long, they really shouldn't leave you magazines.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, esteemed colleagues, we will begin our demonstration proving the enhanced psychic ability of fraternal twins.
Hummingbird to Tigerboy, I'm in position.
But I'm seriously pitting out up here! Logan, Lindy, I want you to each write down the name of any city in the world.
Tigerboy, I cannot get a visual on Battle-ax.
I'm going in.
Hummingbird, back in the nest! Back in the nest! You're cheating again?! What makes you say that? Aah! A sweaty, little hummingbird told me.
Please come down before you hurt yourself! We'll work it all out! Don't do it for me! Do it for the parka! I am not in love with my mother's winter coat! And I told you that in confidence! Hummingbird down! Hummingbird down! Tigerboy? Did we win? Garrett, are you okay? I'm fine.
Good for you.
I think my legs are on backwards.
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize, but clearly the study's integrity has been compromised.
Girl, you don't even know.
I have never been more mortified in my life.
Would you two tell me what just happened here! We cheated.
We're not psychic.
We're really sorry.
Stop saying the same thing as me! Can you please tell everyone back? I think we're ready to begin the test now.
Ms.
Park? No talking in detention! Can I text you? Yeah, see, that's the thing.
I don't know if you've noticed, but it's Saturday night.
Your parents are aware you're here, and if I'm not going out on Saturday night, neither are you.
Maybe you should've thought of that before you let that bizarro kid out of Mr.
Vaughn's office.
I'm sitting right here.
Yeah, because of what you did to my Gene, you are gonna sit there and toe the line.
Excuse me? You heard me.
For the rest of toe-night.
He told you, didn't he? I don't toe what you're talking about.
I knew it! I knew it!