Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017) s01e12 Episode Script
Caught White-Handed
1 Previously on "Kevin (Probably) Saves the World" - I'm a messenger from God.
- Oh, good.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
God is gonna show you how to find the other righteous.
I know where we'll find the first righteous.
- Laos.
- Mind if join you? - I don't think I'd be good company.
- That's not possible.
I met the most amazing woman.
When are you gonna ask Amy out? - This right here not a date? - You know what? It is.
From now on, it's all a date.
So, I found this Canadian website for missed connections.
- - I'm writing one.
[LAUGHS.]
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
[CELLPHONE CLICKS.]
It's her.
"Dear Tyler, "I can't believe it's been so long since our time together.
" "Getting e-mails from you takes me back "to that dance we had in Laos.
" Wow.
She is so into you.
I think this could be true love.
"I have met lots of people in my travels, "but none as charming as you.
" She called you charming.
High praise indeed, my good man.
"I only wish we didn't live so far away.
" [SIGHS.]
"I've never been good at long-distance relationships" Oh, no.
That doesn't sound good.
She's laying the groundwork to brush you off.
Only a matter of time before she [GAGGING.]
Don't you listen to that milk.
You know how I really feel.
You're here.
Yes.
I am.
Hmm.
"I worry that our lives are too different.
" We have different interests.
"Maybe we should just say goodbye.
" Well, that doesn't sound good.
[CHUCKLES.]
But read between the lines.
What am I really saying? - That if I want this to work - Mm.
- I'm gonna have to work harder.
- Mm-hmm.
'Cause something this great doesn't come that easy.
You are right.
Now eat.
You need your strength if we're gonna be together forever.
[FIRE ALARM BEEPING.]
What the hell are you doing? [BEEPING CONTINUES.]
Moron.
Pay attention.
[RINGING STOPS.]
Stop eating the customer's food.
Why wh Why are you pulling over? Didn't you see that guy back there? He needs a lift.
Are you out of your mind? No one stops for hitchhikers anymore.
I know.
That's why I'm doing it.
Uh no.
I'm responsible for your safety.
- I cannot - Hey, you going to Austin? I'm not.
But I can.
This is great.
Yep.
No one's getting murdered.
- [SCOFFS.]
- What did you say? He seems nice.
Can you just stop talking? Hey, man, you all right? Yes.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
I'm, uh I'm very Very all right.
[CHUCKLES.]
I was just thinking about, you know, how everybody thinks the world is so dangerous, but, you know, there are nice people out there, too.
Okay? They're not killers.
They're not people who are gonna rob you and leave your body in the dirt.
Everybody's nice.
Everybody's friends.
- Here's good.
- What? You you can you can just let me out right here.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no.
- I thought you - Please? - What are you talking about? - Just let me out.
- Are you - Please.
I hope you're happy.
What is wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me.
You were raising your voice to me first.
- Let me out! - No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no okay.
- Let me out! Please.
All right.
You're fine, you're fine, you're fine.
- You're crazy, man.
- I was I was defending you! [GRUNTING.]
[CATTLE MOOING.]
KEVIN: He thought I was the crazy one.
Um, you are.
Do you know any sane person who would've stopped for that man? I have a warrior for God protecting me.
Unh-unh.
You weren't thinking about that when you pulled over.
Oh, yeah.
I guess not.
[CHUCKLES.]
It just seemed like the right thing to do.
You've changed.
More than I realized.
I'm not the old me.
That guy is long gone.
TYLER: Ooh, ha-ha.
Look who's the newest member of the clean-plate club.
Quick question.
Are you a fan of Teutonic thrash metal? I I don't think so? - Why? - I'm trying to get into it.
My lady's a big fan of German scream-singing.
[IMITATES THRASH METAL.]
Ahh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Your Wait.
Your lady? Yeah, my lady from Laos.
Been in communicado.
Oh Deep communicado.
Wow.
You you found her? She found me.
She lives in Victoria, British Columbia.
Even her name sounds Canadian.
Leslie.
Leslie Nielsen.
What? That's crazy, Ty.
Wow.
[CHUCKLES.]
Leslie Nielsen.
- We've been e-mailing a bunch.
- No, no, no.
I'm not e-mailing anybody.
Every e-mail I get from her, she becomes more interesting.
- Huh.
- So great, man.
Whoa.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't leave the hammer hanging.
Oh.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
Been doing some arts and crafts? Uh, I'm s-sorry about that.
I Don't know how that happened.
Oh, no.
Dude, I love secrets.
Who likes explanations? Not this guy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We have an imposter.
Someone's pretending to be me.
Leslie Nielsen.
As me.
Well, whoever it is, they must've seen Tyler's post looking for you.
Well, I'm putting an end to it.
What what are you What are you gonna do? Mm.
That's above your pay grade.
Don't you worry about it.
Okay.
And why are you such a mess today? Hm? I don't I don't know.
[GASPS.]
I think I'm getting a, uh, sign.
I will break that hand.
Okay.
I need to go pick up Reese.
So I'm gonna AMY: Put your papers at the end of the desk, please.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
How you doing? All right.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Wha [CHUCKLES.]
You're not my student.
- I just had a minute.
Just stopping by.
- Aww.
Hey, do you remember Bobby Sackett? Uh, yeah.
Of course.
His sister gave me chickenpox senior year in high school.
Well, uh, he's getting married finally.
Um, I don't know, you want to go to his wedding with me this Saturday? Sure.
That sounds fun.
Well, it could be.
You should know Simone is gonna be there.
Oh.
I-I thought Simone moved to Houston.
Yeah, she's she's coming back in town for the wedding.
- Oh.
- You know what? You know what? It's probably too weird to go to a wedding where my ex-wife is gonna be.
We should just forget about it, right? No, no.
I mean, I don't I don't think it's weird.
I like Simone.
She's cool.
You're cool.
I'm real cool.
It'll be fine.
Yeah, I guess.
- You good? - I am.
Are you? - As long as you are.
- I am.
I'm good.
Then, yeah, I'm good.
- Okay.
- Okay.
KEVIN: How's it going? Are you one of those people who craves attention no matter what? Are you one of those people who Likes the smell of dirty socks? No.
No.
Stop.
No.
[CLANKING.]
[SIGHS.]
Oh, no, no.
[CLANKING CONTINUES.]
Let me just - [KEYS JINGLE.]
- [ENGINE STOPS.]
Have you checked the oil recently? Yeah, Reese.
I checked the oil, because that is totally something that I would do.
[SIGHS.]
What are What are you doing? Reese, do you want to help me paint a house? Are you kidding? I have homework.
It doesn't look good! What'd you say? [SCOFFS.]
You can see all your brushstrokes.
- Looks terrible.
- Maybe I want to.
And maybe it's because I'm using a brush.
- Hello? - Hey.
Is this your house? No.
Is it is it yours? No.
Can I help you? - Hi.
Uh, we were just - Wow.
You painted my house? That's incredible.
- Thanks.
- Did you know that woman? No.
I've never seen her in my life.
I think that was the Acorn Fairy.
- The what? - It's, like, this local legend.
Somebody's been going around town, fixing things, but no one can figure out who it is.
MAN: You missed a spot here, and a lot of A lot of visible brushstrokes.
[ENGINE STARTS, TIRES SCREECHING.]
- Do you want to meet her? - Kind of.
Okay, let's go.
MAN: You'll finish the job, right? Just yeah, just come on back later.
That's great.
Tell me about this - Lawn gnome.
- Acorn Fairy.
Acorn Fairy, I was gonna say.
Like 10 years ago, some mystery person started fixing things around town, like, planting flowers in parks and patching people's roofs.
And there's always, like, a little stenciled acorn left behind.
- Hmm.
- It's funny.
When I was little, I kind of thought it was an actually fairy, not a real person.
[CHUCKLES.]
Kids are dumb.
[CHUCKLES, SIGHS.]
She pretty much does what you do.
She helps people.
Hm.
Then I guess she's pretty cool.
You're like a lame version of the Acorn Fairy.
Psht.
Some really mean dogs in here.
[DOG WHINES.]
My uncle helps people.
He handed out money around town and put up a local art show.
And he bought computers for the school.
That was you? Uh, guilty as charged.
[CHUCKLES.]
That was some pretty solid work.
Thanks.
Also, you dropped this.
Well, I started helping people 'cause I got bored.
I retired and needed a hobby.
But why don't you want anyone to know who you are? 'Cause people get weird when you help them.
They, uh They always feel a need to repay you.
- Mm.
- That's not what I want.
All this Acorn Fairy crap came from this mailbox I fixed once.
I painted a little acorn on it 'cause I thought it was cute.
- Aww.
- The Acorn Fairy was born.
- Hello, there.
- Oh, Roscoe.
I find strays and foster them here.
That sounds cozy.
Can't help myself.
You know, I nurse them back to health and find them a good home.
And how many dogs do you have? Well, at the moment, I only have seven.
Well, that sounds like a good amount for this Airstream.
Ah, I wish I could have more.
I'd love to buy the lot next door, put my own Animal Rescue on it.
But I don't have $60,000 lying around.
- Ah, yeah.
- You should help her.
You're right.
Yes, I should.
As a little professional courtesy.
You got that kind of money? Um, well, no.
Um, that's something to consider.
But I, um Ow.
God.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's Good point.
Um, I will, um I'll think of something.
So big.
[GASPS.]
Amy, Is that you? Wow.
Simone.
Hi.
- Um - Great to see you.
- I heard you were in town.
- I Dating my ex-husband looks good on you.
Oh my God, don't make that face.
I [LAUGHS.]
I talked to Nate.
He seems really happy, - which makes me happy, so - [SIGHS.]
can we just not be all weird and awkward about it? Yes.
Please.
That would be just so great.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Yay, normal people.
Except I kind of want to kill you right now 'cause you look exactly the same.
Oh, come on, you look amazing.
What have you been up to? Actually Wow.
That's - It's fast, I know.
It's just - No.
I mean, whatever.
I mean, it's faster than I planned.
[CHUCKLES.]
I mean, so is being pregnant.
Wow.
Oh, my Just listen to me.
All I keep saying is "wow.
" So do I.
[CHUCKLES.]
- How are you feeling? - Awful.
Just all-day nausea.
But I'm really happy.
Simone, that is so amazing.
I'm so happy for you.
- Thanks.
Um, I got to run - Okay.
but I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner, right? Yes.
Definitely.
Definitely.
[LAUGHS.]
KEVIN: How nice is Phoebe? And her dream is to help animals? I mean, I'm a righteous person, and all my dreams involve mixing foods that don't normally go together.
So, uh, what do you plan on doing for her? I don't know.
Maybe a telethon or a dance athon? Any kind of thon, really.
Phoebe clearly doesn't want that sort of recognition.
Yeah, but you know what, Yvette, sometimes what people want and what they need aren't always the same thing.
And what, pray tell, do you think Phoebe needs? [CHUCKLES.]
She needs tacos.
Phoebe needs tacos? [GASPS.]
Two white hand prints.
[GASPS.]
I think I have a fantastic idea.
Excuse me, are you Trotter Collins? Are you looking for an autograph, son? Sir, I just wanted to pitch you an incredible story.
[CHUCKLES.]
And then get your autograph.
Um, have you ever heard of the Acorn Fairy? [ROOSTER CROWS.]
KEVIN: [SNORING.]
[SIGHS.]
Good morning.
I might've done something rash.
What? I'm pretty certain I found the person writing Tyler posing as me.
You you did? Are you sure? Positive.
I had to smite him.
You You smited somebody? "Smote.
" Past tense of "smite" is "smote.
" [SIGHS.]
Um, what does smo smi what does that entail? Smiting isn't really an exact science.
It could take different forms, it depends on the person, it's always uncomfortable, and can lead to death.
Hmm.
[GROANING.]
I knew it! I knew it was you.
[GROANING.]
So many legs.
There's so many legs on me.
What the hell were you thinking, Kevin? Uh Tyler was hurting, and you weren't doing anything to make him feel better.
Can you please stop? And how was you playing "You've Got Mail" helping Tyler, exactly? - How do you - I know who Tom Hanks is.
And Meg Ryan.
And I know who Leslie Nielsen is.
Since when? I thought you changed.
And then you go do something like this.
Look, I have a plan, okay? I'm telling Tyler all these bad things about you.
What bad things about me? Well, like that you collect your fingernails and stuff.
What? I I don't do that.
Not not you.
I'm talking about Leslie.
She has horrible taste in music and food.
She believes body odor should be savored.
She She huffs canned air.
Slowly, Tyler will see all of her faults and then he'll eventually want to break up with her - and everybody wins.
- Nobody wins.
Have you seen that boy? He's in love with Leslie.
Your plan is not working.
Yeah, I'm I'm realizing that, okay? You have to end this immediately.
[SIGHS.]
Fine.
I'm gonna take a shower.
[MUFFLED YELLING.]
[BEES BUZZING.]
[MUFFLED.]
Yvette.
It's just residual smiting.
It'll go away.
[WHIMPERING.]
KEVIN: Bam.
Who just donated $5? I'm gonna guess it was you.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks to this crowd-funding page I just set up, now anyone can donate to the Acorn Fairy.
And as soon as the news airs, everyone will want to send cash money to their neighborhood hero.
That just might work.
[CHUCKLES.]
It will.
And she can still stay anonymous.
Now, where are we with Leslie and him? Well, I wrote one last e-mail.
I was gonna rip the Band-Aid off but realized there was another way.
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Getting things done.
- Yeah.
- Ah.
Hey, Kevbo.
- Hey.
Morning, Tyler.
How are, uh How are things? Eh.
She's going through a bit of a personal tragedy.
Oh.
Do you want to talk about it? Leslie is having some trouble with immigration, so she can't enter the U.
S.
, and she says it might take years to figure out.
- Oh.
- So That's Stupid government stuff.
But maybe it's a blessing in disguise, you know? Long-distance relationships are hard.
My man.
You're so right.
- Well.
- Feeling this bad must mean that there's something amazing just right around the corner.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Yeah.
Oh, that sucked.
You did the right thing.
Now you can focus on Phoebe.
- You're doing good.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I was out shopping yesterday, and guess who I ran into.
Um, it could literally be anyone.
[CHUCKLES.]
I need a hint.
Mm.
Okay.
She is your ex-wife.
Oh.
All right.
No.
No, no.
Not, "Oh.
All right.
" It was fine.
I told you, everyone is cool.
Oh.
Good.
Glad to hear it.
Yeah, seriously.
It wasn't even a little bit awkward.
Good.
I mean, I'd hoped it wouldn't be, but you never know.
Well, it would be kind of weird for her to be annoyed at us.
Yeah, people can be weird sometimes, but, you know, I'm glad that's not the case.
I mean, she's the one who's getting married with a baby on the way, right? Wait, what? Wait.
I thought you I thought you talked to her.
She didn't tell you? No, she didn't.
Oh.
Does that bother you? Oh.
No.
No, no, no.
I'm just Surprised, you know? Simone said she never wanted kids.
I was the one who did.
It was a big thing for us.
Well do you want to have kids? We don't we don't have to talk about that right now.
Why? Because this is new.
It's fun.
You know? The big stuff? That can wait.
Okay.
Hurry, hurry.
You're gonna miss my surprise.
WOMAN: including one from Copeland, as firefighters quickly put out the blaze.
Look, I-I know that you You don't want to be rewarded for any of the good stuff that you do, but, um, well Oh.
Here.
We now go live to Trotter Collins on location.
- Trotter? - People all over the county know the story of the Acorn Fairy, a local legend.
One neighborhood man has started a crowd-funding page to help the Acorn Fairy raise money for an animal shelter.
Was the Shaka too much? It just sort of felt right when the photo got taken, so I went with it.
Kevin, you're really very sweet, but I wish you hadn't have done this.
- Ah, it's fine.
- We intended on keeping her anonymous, But as we looked into her identity, we soon began to realize something was wrong.
- Very wrong.
- [COUGHS.]
The Acorn Fairy is a woman who goes by the name of Phoebe Powell.
But much like the Acorn Fairy, this person doesn't really exist.
So we did a little digging and uncovered the real Phoebe Powell.
Meet Francine Kronk.
Ms.
Kronk is a fugitive from the law who created a fake identity to escape embezzlement charges many years ago.
What started as a feel-good story will hopefully end in justice finally being served.
[COUGHING.]
That's that's here.
Do not open that door.
- Um, Phoebe - I need you to do something for me.
- Okay.
- Make sure my dogs are taken care of.
- Can you do that? - Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I guess.
- Thanks.
- Phoebe, Th they're Uh, they were saying that you embezzled money? I did.
A long time ago.
$100,000.
What? Why? Because I could.
I told myself it was corporate money, that nobody would get hurt.
I Wait.
Wait.
Can we just talk about this? - Please, can we just talk about this? - TROTTER: Ms.
Kronk! There's nothing to talk about.
I'm not a good person, Kevin.
- I'm sorry.
- This is Trotter Collins.
I need you to do one last thing for me.
- Okay.
- Distract them till I'm gone.
Uh, hey, ho! - [POLICE SIREN WAILS.]
- Williamson County Sheriff.
Let me see your hands.
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
- MAN: Ma'am, stay there.
[SIREN WAILS.]
This is really fun.
- I agree.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Let me get you a refill.
- Hey.
Thought we could get the weirdness out the way so we can enjoy the party in peace.
Hey, Simone.
Hey.
You know what? I will go get us those drinks.
Simone, just a whole bunch of tequila shots, right? - Bring the bottle.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay.
But, uh But no.
No, right? - I'm I'm good, thanks.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Before you say anything, I'm sorry.
I should've told you about the baby.
It's just, I was excited, and I blurted it out to Amy, but that wasn't cool.
It's not a problem.
[CHUCKLES.]
I can see that.
We don't have to talk about this right now.
Okay, now I know you're upset.
I'm just surprised, Simone.
You said you didn't want to have kids.
At the time, that's how I felt.
So you just didn't want them with me.
Nate, we hardly talked about kids.
I said I didn't want any, and you said what you always say whenever a big issue comes up What you're still saying "We don't have to talk about this right now.
" So we dn't.
And you built up so much resentment that pretty soon we couldn't talk about it.
Look, I'm sorry you're hurt, but I think you have a chance of being happy.
Yeah.
I do.
Good.
So stop talking to me, and go talk to her.
TYLER: Greetings to my lovely lady.
I wanted to respond to your e-mail, but I felt adding a visual component to our communiqué would help better express my thoughts and feelings.
I know that distance and immigration law are conspiring to keep us apart, but I have come up with a perfect plan.
This solves both those problems.
Guys? My darling [MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS.]
[RING BOX CLATTERS.]
Got it.
Will you marry me?! So, are you gonna keep your maiden name, or are you - Kevin.
- Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, let's just, um Let's Let's write Tyler, and then we have to get Phoebe out of jail.
You figure out freeing Phoebe.
I'll handle Tyler.
You did this all wrong.
You were too easy on him.
[SIGHS.]
Just to be clear, the original cause of this whole mess was you dancing with him in Laos.
When I'm done, boy's gonna know he's been dumped.
What's the plan for Phoebe? Um, back in New York, I had clients who committed way worse fraud than Phoebe, and they all called Glenn Peyton.
Slickest lawyer I know.
So scary, but he's in your corner, you cannot lose.
[RINGING.]
Glenn Peyton.
Glenn, hey, it's Kevin Finn.
Long time, buddy.
How are you? I was just wondering if I could get a little legal advice from you.
[LAUGHING.]
You've got to be kidding me.
Uh is this a bad time? I can I can call back later.
You piece of garbage.
You ripped my father off for a quarter of a million dollars, and you have the balls to call me for advice? He blew his life savings and you just tell him, "All investments have risks.
" He's living in my house now.
Glenn, I am I am so sorry.
I-I I was awful back then.
Back then? It was eight months ago.
If I could reach through this phone right now, I'd choke you until your eyes oozed out of your skull.
Okay, but you have to believe me.
I'm I'm not the same guy.
I Finn, you will always be that guy.
Burn in hell.
[CELLPHONE CLICKS.]
So, this might be a little harder than I thought.
Dear Tyler Firstly, I want you to know that you are the purest soul I've ever met on God's green Earth, and I never, never want you to change that.
But but this whatever this is between us has to stop.
The truth is I'm dying.
I'm into women.
I'm a serial killer.
I snore.
Okay, okay.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Just Just Just say the truth.
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
- [SIGHS.]
The truth is [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
There is someone else in my life someone to whom I have committed myself entirely and who requires all of my attention and dedication.
"So this is my final goodbye.
" Then, it's over? I guess she got back with her ex.
Sounds pretty committed to making it work.
You all right? Oh, yeah, I'm great.
What's with the sunglasses? Oh, I've been crying all this morning.
Oh.
But on the plus side, my cheeks are rosy.
Mm.
Got to stay hydrated so I can do more crying later.
I'm sorry That you're going through this.
Man, I-I really.
[LAUGHS.]
This is not your fault.
Y-you're the best, man.
[SIGHS.]
I know a lot of people who would disagree with you.
I'm one of them.
I think you did it.
He finally gave up his dream of being with you.
Had to.
There was There was no other way.
Yeah, I I made it worse.
I let him believe he actually had a chance with Leslie.
You know, I thought I thought I could erase all the crappy things that I've done, but I guess deep down I'm just gonna be that guy who makes everything worse.
That's not true, Kevin.
Well, look at Phoebe.
I mean, she dedicated her life to good, and it didn't matter.
'Cause the past always catches up with you.
Hey.
Can I leave this for Phoebe? Leave it on the desk with the rest.
Half the town has come in with food for the Acorn Fairy.
Wow.
Um Ooh.
What'd you bring? Oh, uh, chicken.
Eh.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
I really messed everything up for her.
Well, some people would say you brought a fugitive to justice.
Is that what you'd say? No.
I keep telling myself I'm not the guy I used to be, but, uh I-I am.
I mean, for every good thing I do, something bad seems to happen.
Look, Kevin, if you want to argue you used to be a creep, you were a creep.
Great.
Thank you, Nate.
But you've changed.
Just like Phoebe's changed.
You learned from your mistakes, and you did something about it.
That's better than most people.
Thanks, Nate.
If you've got something for the Acorn Fairy, leave it over there.
Deputy.
Deputy.
Deputy.
Hydrangeas.
Your favorite.
Oh, nice.
Man, people are really coming out of the woodwork for this woman.
She helped a lot of folks.
[GASPS.]
I know how to help her.
Thank you, Nate.
Thank you.
Ms.
Kronk, you have been charged with theft in the third degree, which carries a maximum sentence of 10 years incarceration and a $10,000 fine.
Have you discussed the charges with your attorney? Yes, I have, Your Honor.
And are you ready to enter a plea? - I'm guilty - I'm guilty, Your Honor.
[SPECTATORS MURMUR.]
Is it are you Is this a dramatic outburst? I've never had a dramatic outburst.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Your Honor, um, my name is Kevin Finn.
For years, I was a-a dishonest, um, unethical, selfish person.
I-I mislead decent people for, uh for profit.
But, uh, recently, I I was given another chance A chance to to To learn from my mistakes and to make different choices, to try to be a better person.
And how is that working for you? I mean Well [SIGHS.]
Part of who I am today is because of who I used to be.
The two are inseparable.
Francine Kronk may have been a thief, but that's not all she is.
She's also Phoebe Powell, the Acorn Fairy, who has made the lives of the people in this town just a little bit better.
People like This lovely woman replaced both of my bicycle tires at a time when funds were low.
Or this young woman.
Um, one night, the Acorn Fairy place chicken wire around my tomato cages.
It was the first year I didn't have to kill a single squirrel.
I have killed so many squirrels.
See patched my roof while I was on vacation.
It blew my mind.
A-and some big tree roots tore up the sidewalk in front of my house TOMLINSON: Wait.
Can everyone who is going to speak on behalf of Ms.
Kronk please rise.
Thank you.
This played out totally different in my mind.
Funny, I was positive you'd end up here.
[SIGHS.]
Um Uh, I am so sorry, everyone.
Um, looking back, the old-fashioned courtroom moment, uh It wasn't the best play, but, uh But it was our only It was our only option.
Uh, you could've spoken to the woman's lawyer.
I supposed we we could've spoken to Phoebe's attorney, but that's You know, that's, uh that's hindsight.
Again, I am super sorry.
Uh, let's keep our spirits up.
- Dude.
- Hey.
Oh.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Ah, thanks.
That was beautiful.
I never in my life thought I'd be held in contempt - for a courtroom protest.
- [LAUGHS.]
You were a total badass in there, man.
Like a young Bob Shapiro.
Thank you, Tyler.
Your speech, man.
Downright inspirational.
Got me seeing things in a whole new light.
Really snapped me out of my funk.
That's good to hear.
All right, listen up.
You're all free to go.
We are? Judge Tomlinson just wanted to send a message to everyone.
- [SIGHS.]
- Show of hands who here now knows that disrupting proceedings in a court of law is wrong? - I know it's wrong.
- Me.
- Right here.
- All right, then.
Well, what about Phoebe? What happened to her? We we didn't damage her case, did we? The judge is gonna let her lawyer plead this out.
She'll get some community service, probably house arrest.
Then it worked? It worked.
- We did it, everyone.
- No.
No, you didn't.
Again, reminder, everyone Do not disrupt a court of law.
- Thank you.
- Right.
Yeah.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING.]
Mom.
Mom! - What? - Nate's here.
Nate? He's over an hour early.
- I know.
- Nate.
Hi.
Reese, I'm in a robe.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm, um well, I'm I'm in a robe.
Sorry I'm early.
I thought it would, uh, give us a chance to talk.
Okay.
About what? Anything.
I mean, we can talk about whether you'd ever want to have another kid.
We can talk about how weird I've been about Simone's pregnancy and how that weirdness made you feel awkward.
Well, I mean, I-I didn't I didn't feel that awkward.
I mean, we can even talk about which member of One D.
has the most promising solo career.
Zayn, obviously.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amy, I just [SIGHS.]
I just want this to work.
And I know that means having to communicate.
Um Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I still have to blow-dry my hair and get dressed.
Not a problem.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING.]
So, uh, what do you want to talk about? You know, I really want to get to the bottom of this One D.
question.
I mean, you said Zayn, and I get that, but you said it so quickly, like Harry Styles doesn't exist.
I mean, does he? So, this is it? They have you picking up trash? And weeding and painting playgrounds and planting bushes for 1,000 hours.
[LAUGHING.]
It's awesome.
[LAUGHS.]
And I get to do what I've been doing for years.
I almost feel guilty about it.
Listen, Phoebe, I'm I'm sorry for sticking my nose into your life.
And I feel like I killed the Acorn Fairy.
Kevin, are you high? No.
You did me a favor.
No, what you said in court was right.
I was running from the law, but I was also running from my past, and you helped me see that I don't need to.
I mean, you didn't kill the Acorn Fairy.
She's standing right here.
Aw.
That Aw.
[GRUNTS, CHUCKLES.]
Now, leave me alone.
I got a ton of garbage to pick up.
- [LAUGHING.]
Okay.
- People are disgusting.
That is true.
[GRUNTS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, no.
[GRUNTS.]
Help! Help! Help! Help! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Tyler? [CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
Ow.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
Hey! [LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
Okay, so, um, you were on a boat? Yeah.
I think it was the same boat from last time, but more importantly, Tyler was there.
- He was? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, two egg omelettes.
Where is he? - Excuse me? - I'm still waiting on my toast.
- It's on its way, hon.
- Uh, I've been waiting a while.
Yeah, that's how toast works.
Focus on your bacon.
Lucille, have you seen Tyler? Don't mention that name to me ever again.
W-what did he do? [SIGHS.]
Apparently he's learning from his mistakes to be a new and better man.
- Wait.
What happened? - He quit.
With no notice.
Right before the rush.
Said something about how the old Tyler would let love slip away, but the new Tyler decided to go to Canada to fight for love.
[GASPS.]
I don't know how, but - I'm pretty sure this is your fault.
- Excuse me? Ask me about your toast one more time, please.
Oh, what did I do? What what did I do? He's going to look for me.
He's looking for Leslie Nielsen.
[SIGHS.]
We have to go find him.
I have to tell Tyler the truth.
- Oh, good.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
God is gonna show you how to find the other righteous.
I know where we'll find the first righteous.
- Laos.
- Mind if join you? - I don't think I'd be good company.
- That's not possible.
I met the most amazing woman.
When are you gonna ask Amy out? - This right here not a date? - You know what? It is.
From now on, it's all a date.
So, I found this Canadian website for missed connections.
- - I'm writing one.
[LAUGHS.]
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
[CELLPHONE CLICKS.]
It's her.
"Dear Tyler, "I can't believe it's been so long since our time together.
" "Getting e-mails from you takes me back "to that dance we had in Laos.
" Wow.
She is so into you.
I think this could be true love.
"I have met lots of people in my travels, "but none as charming as you.
" She called you charming.
High praise indeed, my good man.
"I only wish we didn't live so far away.
" [SIGHS.]
"I've never been good at long-distance relationships" Oh, no.
That doesn't sound good.
She's laying the groundwork to brush you off.
Only a matter of time before she [GAGGING.]
Don't you listen to that milk.
You know how I really feel.
You're here.
Yes.
I am.
Hmm.
"I worry that our lives are too different.
" We have different interests.
"Maybe we should just say goodbye.
" Well, that doesn't sound good.
[CHUCKLES.]
But read between the lines.
What am I really saying? - That if I want this to work - Mm.
- I'm gonna have to work harder.
- Mm-hmm.
'Cause something this great doesn't come that easy.
You are right.
Now eat.
You need your strength if we're gonna be together forever.
[FIRE ALARM BEEPING.]
What the hell are you doing? [BEEPING CONTINUES.]
Moron.
Pay attention.
[RINGING STOPS.]
Stop eating the customer's food.
Why wh Why are you pulling over? Didn't you see that guy back there? He needs a lift.
Are you out of your mind? No one stops for hitchhikers anymore.
I know.
That's why I'm doing it.
Uh no.
I'm responsible for your safety.
- I cannot - Hey, you going to Austin? I'm not.
But I can.
This is great.
Yep.
No one's getting murdered.
- [SCOFFS.]
- What did you say? He seems nice.
Can you just stop talking? Hey, man, you all right? Yes.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
I'm, uh I'm very Very all right.
[CHUCKLES.]
I was just thinking about, you know, how everybody thinks the world is so dangerous, but, you know, there are nice people out there, too.
Okay? They're not killers.
They're not people who are gonna rob you and leave your body in the dirt.
Everybody's nice.
Everybody's friends.
- Here's good.
- What? You you can you can just let me out right here.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no.
- I thought you - Please? - What are you talking about? - Just let me out.
- Are you - Please.
I hope you're happy.
What is wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me.
You were raising your voice to me first.
- Let me out! - No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no okay.
- Let me out! Please.
All right.
You're fine, you're fine, you're fine.
- You're crazy, man.
- I was I was defending you! [GRUNTING.]
[CATTLE MOOING.]
KEVIN: He thought I was the crazy one.
Um, you are.
Do you know any sane person who would've stopped for that man? I have a warrior for God protecting me.
Unh-unh.
You weren't thinking about that when you pulled over.
Oh, yeah.
I guess not.
[CHUCKLES.]
It just seemed like the right thing to do.
You've changed.
More than I realized.
I'm not the old me.
That guy is long gone.
TYLER: Ooh, ha-ha.
Look who's the newest member of the clean-plate club.
Quick question.
Are you a fan of Teutonic thrash metal? I I don't think so? - Why? - I'm trying to get into it.
My lady's a big fan of German scream-singing.
[IMITATES THRASH METAL.]
Ahh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Your Wait.
Your lady? Yeah, my lady from Laos.
Been in communicado.
Oh Deep communicado.
Wow.
You you found her? She found me.
She lives in Victoria, British Columbia.
Even her name sounds Canadian.
Leslie.
Leslie Nielsen.
What? That's crazy, Ty.
Wow.
[CHUCKLES.]
Leslie Nielsen.
- We've been e-mailing a bunch.
- No, no, no.
I'm not e-mailing anybody.
Every e-mail I get from her, she becomes more interesting.
- Huh.
- So great, man.
Whoa.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't leave the hammer hanging.
Oh.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
Been doing some arts and crafts? Uh, I'm s-sorry about that.
I Don't know how that happened.
Oh, no.
Dude, I love secrets.
Who likes explanations? Not this guy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We have an imposter.
Someone's pretending to be me.
Leslie Nielsen.
As me.
Well, whoever it is, they must've seen Tyler's post looking for you.
Well, I'm putting an end to it.
What what are you What are you gonna do? Mm.
That's above your pay grade.
Don't you worry about it.
Okay.
And why are you such a mess today? Hm? I don't I don't know.
[GASPS.]
I think I'm getting a, uh, sign.
I will break that hand.
Okay.
I need to go pick up Reese.
So I'm gonna AMY: Put your papers at the end of the desk, please.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
How you doing? All right.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Wha [CHUCKLES.]
You're not my student.
- I just had a minute.
Just stopping by.
- Aww.
Hey, do you remember Bobby Sackett? Uh, yeah.
Of course.
His sister gave me chickenpox senior year in high school.
Well, uh, he's getting married finally.
Um, I don't know, you want to go to his wedding with me this Saturday? Sure.
That sounds fun.
Well, it could be.
You should know Simone is gonna be there.
Oh.
I-I thought Simone moved to Houston.
Yeah, she's she's coming back in town for the wedding.
- Oh.
- You know what? You know what? It's probably too weird to go to a wedding where my ex-wife is gonna be.
We should just forget about it, right? No, no.
I mean, I don't I don't think it's weird.
I like Simone.
She's cool.
You're cool.
I'm real cool.
It'll be fine.
Yeah, I guess.
- You good? - I am.
Are you? - As long as you are.
- I am.
I'm good.
Then, yeah, I'm good.
- Okay.
- Okay.
KEVIN: How's it going? Are you one of those people who craves attention no matter what? Are you one of those people who Likes the smell of dirty socks? No.
No.
Stop.
No.
[CLANKING.]
[SIGHS.]
Oh, no, no.
[CLANKING CONTINUES.]
Let me just - [KEYS JINGLE.]
- [ENGINE STOPS.]
Have you checked the oil recently? Yeah, Reese.
I checked the oil, because that is totally something that I would do.
[SIGHS.]
What are What are you doing? Reese, do you want to help me paint a house? Are you kidding? I have homework.
It doesn't look good! What'd you say? [SCOFFS.]
You can see all your brushstrokes.
- Looks terrible.
- Maybe I want to.
And maybe it's because I'm using a brush.
- Hello? - Hey.
Is this your house? No.
Is it is it yours? No.
Can I help you? - Hi.
Uh, we were just - Wow.
You painted my house? That's incredible.
- Thanks.
- Did you know that woman? No.
I've never seen her in my life.
I think that was the Acorn Fairy.
- The what? - It's, like, this local legend.
Somebody's been going around town, fixing things, but no one can figure out who it is.
MAN: You missed a spot here, and a lot of A lot of visible brushstrokes.
[ENGINE STARTS, TIRES SCREECHING.]
- Do you want to meet her? - Kind of.
Okay, let's go.
MAN: You'll finish the job, right? Just yeah, just come on back later.
That's great.
Tell me about this - Lawn gnome.
- Acorn Fairy.
Acorn Fairy, I was gonna say.
Like 10 years ago, some mystery person started fixing things around town, like, planting flowers in parks and patching people's roofs.
And there's always, like, a little stenciled acorn left behind.
- Hmm.
- It's funny.
When I was little, I kind of thought it was an actually fairy, not a real person.
[CHUCKLES.]
Kids are dumb.
[CHUCKLES, SIGHS.]
She pretty much does what you do.
She helps people.
Hm.
Then I guess she's pretty cool.
You're like a lame version of the Acorn Fairy.
Psht.
Some really mean dogs in here.
[DOG WHINES.]
My uncle helps people.
He handed out money around town and put up a local art show.
And he bought computers for the school.
That was you? Uh, guilty as charged.
[CHUCKLES.]
That was some pretty solid work.
Thanks.
Also, you dropped this.
Well, I started helping people 'cause I got bored.
I retired and needed a hobby.
But why don't you want anyone to know who you are? 'Cause people get weird when you help them.
They, uh They always feel a need to repay you.
- Mm.
- That's not what I want.
All this Acorn Fairy crap came from this mailbox I fixed once.
I painted a little acorn on it 'cause I thought it was cute.
- Aww.
- The Acorn Fairy was born.
- Hello, there.
- Oh, Roscoe.
I find strays and foster them here.
That sounds cozy.
Can't help myself.
You know, I nurse them back to health and find them a good home.
And how many dogs do you have? Well, at the moment, I only have seven.
Well, that sounds like a good amount for this Airstream.
Ah, I wish I could have more.
I'd love to buy the lot next door, put my own Animal Rescue on it.
But I don't have $60,000 lying around.
- Ah, yeah.
- You should help her.
You're right.
Yes, I should.
As a little professional courtesy.
You got that kind of money? Um, well, no.
Um, that's something to consider.
But I, um Ow.
God.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's Good point.
Um, I will, um I'll think of something.
So big.
[GASPS.]
Amy, Is that you? Wow.
Simone.
Hi.
- Um - Great to see you.
- I heard you were in town.
- I Dating my ex-husband looks good on you.
Oh my God, don't make that face.
I [LAUGHS.]
I talked to Nate.
He seems really happy, - which makes me happy, so - [SIGHS.]
can we just not be all weird and awkward about it? Yes.
Please.
That would be just so great.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Yay, normal people.
Except I kind of want to kill you right now 'cause you look exactly the same.
Oh, come on, you look amazing.
What have you been up to? Actually Wow.
That's - It's fast, I know.
It's just - No.
I mean, whatever.
I mean, it's faster than I planned.
[CHUCKLES.]
I mean, so is being pregnant.
Wow.
Oh, my Just listen to me.
All I keep saying is "wow.
" So do I.
[CHUCKLES.]
- How are you feeling? - Awful.
Just all-day nausea.
But I'm really happy.
Simone, that is so amazing.
I'm so happy for you.
- Thanks.
Um, I got to run - Okay.
but I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner, right? Yes.
Definitely.
Definitely.
[LAUGHS.]
KEVIN: How nice is Phoebe? And her dream is to help animals? I mean, I'm a righteous person, and all my dreams involve mixing foods that don't normally go together.
So, uh, what do you plan on doing for her? I don't know.
Maybe a telethon or a dance athon? Any kind of thon, really.
Phoebe clearly doesn't want that sort of recognition.
Yeah, but you know what, Yvette, sometimes what people want and what they need aren't always the same thing.
And what, pray tell, do you think Phoebe needs? [CHUCKLES.]
She needs tacos.
Phoebe needs tacos? [GASPS.]
Two white hand prints.
[GASPS.]
I think I have a fantastic idea.
Excuse me, are you Trotter Collins? Are you looking for an autograph, son? Sir, I just wanted to pitch you an incredible story.
[CHUCKLES.]
And then get your autograph.
Um, have you ever heard of the Acorn Fairy? [ROOSTER CROWS.]
KEVIN: [SNORING.]
[SIGHS.]
Good morning.
I might've done something rash.
What? I'm pretty certain I found the person writing Tyler posing as me.
You you did? Are you sure? Positive.
I had to smite him.
You You smited somebody? "Smote.
" Past tense of "smite" is "smote.
" [SIGHS.]
Um, what does smo smi what does that entail? Smiting isn't really an exact science.
It could take different forms, it depends on the person, it's always uncomfortable, and can lead to death.
Hmm.
[GROANING.]
I knew it! I knew it was you.
[GROANING.]
So many legs.
There's so many legs on me.
What the hell were you thinking, Kevin? Uh Tyler was hurting, and you weren't doing anything to make him feel better.
Can you please stop? And how was you playing "You've Got Mail" helping Tyler, exactly? - How do you - I know who Tom Hanks is.
And Meg Ryan.
And I know who Leslie Nielsen is.
Since when? I thought you changed.
And then you go do something like this.
Look, I have a plan, okay? I'm telling Tyler all these bad things about you.
What bad things about me? Well, like that you collect your fingernails and stuff.
What? I I don't do that.
Not not you.
I'm talking about Leslie.
She has horrible taste in music and food.
She believes body odor should be savored.
She She huffs canned air.
Slowly, Tyler will see all of her faults and then he'll eventually want to break up with her - and everybody wins.
- Nobody wins.
Have you seen that boy? He's in love with Leslie.
Your plan is not working.
Yeah, I'm I'm realizing that, okay? You have to end this immediately.
[SIGHS.]
Fine.
I'm gonna take a shower.
[MUFFLED YELLING.]
[BEES BUZZING.]
[MUFFLED.]
Yvette.
It's just residual smiting.
It'll go away.
[WHIMPERING.]
KEVIN: Bam.
Who just donated $5? I'm gonna guess it was you.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks to this crowd-funding page I just set up, now anyone can donate to the Acorn Fairy.
And as soon as the news airs, everyone will want to send cash money to their neighborhood hero.
That just might work.
[CHUCKLES.]
It will.
And she can still stay anonymous.
Now, where are we with Leslie and him? Well, I wrote one last e-mail.
I was gonna rip the Band-Aid off but realized there was another way.
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Getting things done.
- Yeah.
- Ah.
Hey, Kevbo.
- Hey.
Morning, Tyler.
How are, uh How are things? Eh.
She's going through a bit of a personal tragedy.
Oh.
Do you want to talk about it? Leslie is having some trouble with immigration, so she can't enter the U.
S.
, and she says it might take years to figure out.
- Oh.
- So That's Stupid government stuff.
But maybe it's a blessing in disguise, you know? Long-distance relationships are hard.
My man.
You're so right.
- Well.
- Feeling this bad must mean that there's something amazing just right around the corner.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Yeah.
Oh, that sucked.
You did the right thing.
Now you can focus on Phoebe.
- You're doing good.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I was out shopping yesterday, and guess who I ran into.
Um, it could literally be anyone.
[CHUCKLES.]
I need a hint.
Mm.
Okay.
She is your ex-wife.
Oh.
All right.
No.
No, no.
Not, "Oh.
All right.
" It was fine.
I told you, everyone is cool.
Oh.
Good.
Glad to hear it.
Yeah, seriously.
It wasn't even a little bit awkward.
Good.
I mean, I'd hoped it wouldn't be, but you never know.
Well, it would be kind of weird for her to be annoyed at us.
Yeah, people can be weird sometimes, but, you know, I'm glad that's not the case.
I mean, she's the one who's getting married with a baby on the way, right? Wait, what? Wait.
I thought you I thought you talked to her.
She didn't tell you? No, she didn't.
Oh.
Does that bother you? Oh.
No.
No, no, no.
I'm just Surprised, you know? Simone said she never wanted kids.
I was the one who did.
It was a big thing for us.
Well do you want to have kids? We don't we don't have to talk about that right now.
Why? Because this is new.
It's fun.
You know? The big stuff? That can wait.
Okay.
Hurry, hurry.
You're gonna miss my surprise.
WOMAN: including one from Copeland, as firefighters quickly put out the blaze.
Look, I-I know that you You don't want to be rewarded for any of the good stuff that you do, but, um, well Oh.
Here.
We now go live to Trotter Collins on location.
- Trotter? - People all over the county know the story of the Acorn Fairy, a local legend.
One neighborhood man has started a crowd-funding page to help the Acorn Fairy raise money for an animal shelter.
Was the Shaka too much? It just sort of felt right when the photo got taken, so I went with it.
Kevin, you're really very sweet, but I wish you hadn't have done this.
- Ah, it's fine.
- We intended on keeping her anonymous, But as we looked into her identity, we soon began to realize something was wrong.
- Very wrong.
- [COUGHS.]
The Acorn Fairy is a woman who goes by the name of Phoebe Powell.
But much like the Acorn Fairy, this person doesn't really exist.
So we did a little digging and uncovered the real Phoebe Powell.
Meet Francine Kronk.
Ms.
Kronk is a fugitive from the law who created a fake identity to escape embezzlement charges many years ago.
What started as a feel-good story will hopefully end in justice finally being served.
[COUGHING.]
That's that's here.
Do not open that door.
- Um, Phoebe - I need you to do something for me.
- Okay.
- Make sure my dogs are taken care of.
- Can you do that? - Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I guess.
- Thanks.
- Phoebe, Th they're Uh, they were saying that you embezzled money? I did.
A long time ago.
$100,000.
What? Why? Because I could.
I told myself it was corporate money, that nobody would get hurt.
I Wait.
Wait.
Can we just talk about this? - Please, can we just talk about this? - TROTTER: Ms.
Kronk! There's nothing to talk about.
I'm not a good person, Kevin.
- I'm sorry.
- This is Trotter Collins.
I need you to do one last thing for me.
- Okay.
- Distract them till I'm gone.
Uh, hey, ho! - [POLICE SIREN WAILS.]
- Williamson County Sheriff.
Let me see your hands.
- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
- MAN: Ma'am, stay there.
[SIREN WAILS.]
This is really fun.
- I agree.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Let me get you a refill.
- Hey.
Thought we could get the weirdness out the way so we can enjoy the party in peace.
Hey, Simone.
Hey.
You know what? I will go get us those drinks.
Simone, just a whole bunch of tequila shots, right? - Bring the bottle.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay.
But, uh But no.
No, right? - I'm I'm good, thanks.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Before you say anything, I'm sorry.
I should've told you about the baby.
It's just, I was excited, and I blurted it out to Amy, but that wasn't cool.
It's not a problem.
[CHUCKLES.]
I can see that.
We don't have to talk about this right now.
Okay, now I know you're upset.
I'm just surprised, Simone.
You said you didn't want to have kids.
At the time, that's how I felt.
So you just didn't want them with me.
Nate, we hardly talked about kids.
I said I didn't want any, and you said what you always say whenever a big issue comes up What you're still saying "We don't have to talk about this right now.
" So we dn't.
And you built up so much resentment that pretty soon we couldn't talk about it.
Look, I'm sorry you're hurt, but I think you have a chance of being happy.
Yeah.
I do.
Good.
So stop talking to me, and go talk to her.
TYLER: Greetings to my lovely lady.
I wanted to respond to your e-mail, but I felt adding a visual component to our communiqué would help better express my thoughts and feelings.
I know that distance and immigration law are conspiring to keep us apart, but I have come up with a perfect plan.
This solves both those problems.
Guys? My darling [MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS.]
[RING BOX CLATTERS.]
Got it.
Will you marry me?! So, are you gonna keep your maiden name, or are you - Kevin.
- Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, let's just, um Let's Let's write Tyler, and then we have to get Phoebe out of jail.
You figure out freeing Phoebe.
I'll handle Tyler.
You did this all wrong.
You were too easy on him.
[SIGHS.]
Just to be clear, the original cause of this whole mess was you dancing with him in Laos.
When I'm done, boy's gonna know he's been dumped.
What's the plan for Phoebe? Um, back in New York, I had clients who committed way worse fraud than Phoebe, and they all called Glenn Peyton.
Slickest lawyer I know.
So scary, but he's in your corner, you cannot lose.
[RINGING.]
Glenn Peyton.
Glenn, hey, it's Kevin Finn.
Long time, buddy.
How are you? I was just wondering if I could get a little legal advice from you.
[LAUGHING.]
You've got to be kidding me.
Uh is this a bad time? I can I can call back later.
You piece of garbage.
You ripped my father off for a quarter of a million dollars, and you have the balls to call me for advice? He blew his life savings and you just tell him, "All investments have risks.
" He's living in my house now.
Glenn, I am I am so sorry.
I-I I was awful back then.
Back then? It was eight months ago.
If I could reach through this phone right now, I'd choke you until your eyes oozed out of your skull.
Okay, but you have to believe me.
I'm I'm not the same guy.
I Finn, you will always be that guy.
Burn in hell.
[CELLPHONE CLICKS.]
So, this might be a little harder than I thought.
Dear Tyler Firstly, I want you to know that you are the purest soul I've ever met on God's green Earth, and I never, never want you to change that.
But but this whatever this is between us has to stop.
The truth is I'm dying.
I'm into women.
I'm a serial killer.
I snore.
Okay, okay.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Just Just Just say the truth.
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
- [SIGHS.]
The truth is [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
There is someone else in my life someone to whom I have committed myself entirely and who requires all of my attention and dedication.
"So this is my final goodbye.
" Then, it's over? I guess she got back with her ex.
Sounds pretty committed to making it work.
You all right? Oh, yeah, I'm great.
What's with the sunglasses? Oh, I've been crying all this morning.
Oh.
But on the plus side, my cheeks are rosy.
Mm.
Got to stay hydrated so I can do more crying later.
I'm sorry That you're going through this.
Man, I-I really.
[LAUGHS.]
This is not your fault.
Y-you're the best, man.
[SIGHS.]
I know a lot of people who would disagree with you.
I'm one of them.
I think you did it.
He finally gave up his dream of being with you.
Had to.
There was There was no other way.
Yeah, I I made it worse.
I let him believe he actually had a chance with Leslie.
You know, I thought I thought I could erase all the crappy things that I've done, but I guess deep down I'm just gonna be that guy who makes everything worse.
That's not true, Kevin.
Well, look at Phoebe.
I mean, she dedicated her life to good, and it didn't matter.
'Cause the past always catches up with you.
Hey.
Can I leave this for Phoebe? Leave it on the desk with the rest.
Half the town has come in with food for the Acorn Fairy.
Wow.
Um Ooh.
What'd you bring? Oh, uh, chicken.
Eh.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
I really messed everything up for her.
Well, some people would say you brought a fugitive to justice.
Is that what you'd say? No.
I keep telling myself I'm not the guy I used to be, but, uh I-I am.
I mean, for every good thing I do, something bad seems to happen.
Look, Kevin, if you want to argue you used to be a creep, you were a creep.
Great.
Thank you, Nate.
But you've changed.
Just like Phoebe's changed.
You learned from your mistakes, and you did something about it.
That's better than most people.
Thanks, Nate.
If you've got something for the Acorn Fairy, leave it over there.
Deputy.
Deputy.
Deputy.
Hydrangeas.
Your favorite.
Oh, nice.
Man, people are really coming out of the woodwork for this woman.
She helped a lot of folks.
[GASPS.]
I know how to help her.
Thank you, Nate.
Thank you.
Ms.
Kronk, you have been charged with theft in the third degree, which carries a maximum sentence of 10 years incarceration and a $10,000 fine.
Have you discussed the charges with your attorney? Yes, I have, Your Honor.
And are you ready to enter a plea? - I'm guilty - I'm guilty, Your Honor.
[SPECTATORS MURMUR.]
Is it are you Is this a dramatic outburst? I've never had a dramatic outburst.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Your Honor, um, my name is Kevin Finn.
For years, I was a-a dishonest, um, unethical, selfish person.
I-I mislead decent people for, uh for profit.
But, uh, recently, I I was given another chance A chance to to To learn from my mistakes and to make different choices, to try to be a better person.
And how is that working for you? I mean Well [SIGHS.]
Part of who I am today is because of who I used to be.
The two are inseparable.
Francine Kronk may have been a thief, but that's not all she is.
She's also Phoebe Powell, the Acorn Fairy, who has made the lives of the people in this town just a little bit better.
People like This lovely woman replaced both of my bicycle tires at a time when funds were low.
Or this young woman.
Um, one night, the Acorn Fairy place chicken wire around my tomato cages.
It was the first year I didn't have to kill a single squirrel.
I have killed so many squirrels.
See patched my roof while I was on vacation.
It blew my mind.
A-and some big tree roots tore up the sidewalk in front of my house TOMLINSON: Wait.
Can everyone who is going to speak on behalf of Ms.
Kronk please rise.
Thank you.
This played out totally different in my mind.
Funny, I was positive you'd end up here.
[SIGHS.]
Um Uh, I am so sorry, everyone.
Um, looking back, the old-fashioned courtroom moment, uh It wasn't the best play, but, uh But it was our only It was our only option.
Uh, you could've spoken to the woman's lawyer.
I supposed we we could've spoken to Phoebe's attorney, but that's You know, that's, uh that's hindsight.
Again, I am super sorry.
Uh, let's keep our spirits up.
- Dude.
- Hey.
Oh.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Ah, thanks.
That was beautiful.
I never in my life thought I'd be held in contempt - for a courtroom protest.
- [LAUGHS.]
You were a total badass in there, man.
Like a young Bob Shapiro.
Thank you, Tyler.
Your speech, man.
Downright inspirational.
Got me seeing things in a whole new light.
Really snapped me out of my funk.
That's good to hear.
All right, listen up.
You're all free to go.
We are? Judge Tomlinson just wanted to send a message to everyone.
- [SIGHS.]
- Show of hands who here now knows that disrupting proceedings in a court of law is wrong? - I know it's wrong.
- Me.
- Right here.
- All right, then.
Well, what about Phoebe? What happened to her? We we didn't damage her case, did we? The judge is gonna let her lawyer plead this out.
She'll get some community service, probably house arrest.
Then it worked? It worked.
- We did it, everyone.
- No.
No, you didn't.
Again, reminder, everyone Do not disrupt a court of law.
- Thank you.
- Right.
Yeah.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING.]
Mom.
Mom! - What? - Nate's here.
Nate? He's over an hour early.
- I know.
- Nate.
Hi.
Reese, I'm in a robe.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm, um well, I'm I'm in a robe.
Sorry I'm early.
I thought it would, uh, give us a chance to talk.
Okay.
About what? Anything.
I mean, we can talk about whether you'd ever want to have another kid.
We can talk about how weird I've been about Simone's pregnancy and how that weirdness made you feel awkward.
Well, I mean, I-I didn't I didn't feel that awkward.
I mean, we can even talk about which member of One D.
has the most promising solo career.
Zayn, obviously.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amy, I just [SIGHS.]
I just want this to work.
And I know that means having to communicate.
Um Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I still have to blow-dry my hair and get dressed.
Not a problem.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING.]
So, uh, what do you want to talk about? You know, I really want to get to the bottom of this One D.
question.
I mean, you said Zayn, and I get that, but you said it so quickly, like Harry Styles doesn't exist.
I mean, does he? So, this is it? They have you picking up trash? And weeding and painting playgrounds and planting bushes for 1,000 hours.
[LAUGHING.]
It's awesome.
[LAUGHS.]
And I get to do what I've been doing for years.
I almost feel guilty about it.
Listen, Phoebe, I'm I'm sorry for sticking my nose into your life.
And I feel like I killed the Acorn Fairy.
Kevin, are you high? No.
You did me a favor.
No, what you said in court was right.
I was running from the law, but I was also running from my past, and you helped me see that I don't need to.
I mean, you didn't kill the Acorn Fairy.
She's standing right here.
Aw.
That Aw.
[GRUNTS, CHUCKLES.]
Now, leave me alone.
I got a ton of garbage to pick up.
- [LAUGHING.]
Okay.
- People are disgusting.
That is true.
[GRUNTS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, no.
[GRUNTS.]
Help! Help! Help! Help! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Tyler? [CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
Ow.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
Hey! [LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
Okay, so, um, you were on a boat? Yeah.
I think it was the same boat from last time, but more importantly, Tyler was there.
- He was? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, two egg omelettes.
Where is he? - Excuse me? - I'm still waiting on my toast.
- It's on its way, hon.
- Uh, I've been waiting a while.
Yeah, that's how toast works.
Focus on your bacon.
Lucille, have you seen Tyler? Don't mention that name to me ever again.
W-what did he do? [SIGHS.]
Apparently he's learning from his mistakes to be a new and better man.
- Wait.
What happened? - He quit.
With no notice.
Right before the rush.
Said something about how the old Tyler would let love slip away, but the new Tyler decided to go to Canada to fight for love.
[GASPS.]
I don't know how, but - I'm pretty sure this is your fault.
- Excuse me? Ask me about your toast one more time, please.
Oh, what did I do? What what did I do? He's going to look for me.
He's looking for Leslie Nielsen.
[SIGHS.]
We have to go find him.
I have to tell Tyler the truth.