Legacies (2018) s01e12 Episode Script
There's a Mummy on Main Street
1 Previously on Legacies How am I supposed to protect them from stuff that's not supposed to exist? Hope got bamboozled by one of the monsters, and now only two keys separate the entire supernatural community from being consumed by a hell portal.
Say, what's going on here? A gas leak.
Don't worry, though, we have it under control.
Would you like to get dinner with me sometime? I just started seeing someone.
Mind-control slugs.
We're totally infected, aren't we? I hate that urn.
So I'm just gonna get rid of it.
All right.
To you.
A week off.
And a break from monster-related business.
Hear, hear.
And Oh! I detest creepy crawlies.
You had a mind-control slug in your brain, but a beetle freaks you out.
It's a childhood fear.
So, have you decided if you're gonna come to the mountains with me for spring break? Does it look like I know how to pitch a tent? No, it does not, Miss "High Heels at a Picnic.
" Which is why I booked us at an inn.
Because, you know, psychologically speaking, you wouldn't have worn those shoes if you didn't like me a little.
Let's get out of here, come on, come on.
Okay all right I couldn't find it.
'Cause it's not there.
Then why have I done five dives looking for it? I didn't figure it out till now.
When's the last time you slept? Oh, man, I will get some sleep when we find this damn urn.
Look, you've got to stop beating yourself up about this.
I mean, yes, throwing an extremely dangerous magical artifact into the river was pretty stupid.
The slug made you do it.
Slug or not, I am responsible for the things I do, and I have very likely unleashed a new monster on the humans that live outside the gates of the school, so I need to clean up this mess.
Look, I've been searching for things outside the ordinary.
Sandstorms, locusts, scorpions and then all of a sudden, this attack that happened to you.
Dorian, these are mini plagues.
The river must've swept the urn downstream.
And these plagues are a harbinger of whatever monster's come for it.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ten bucks I know what it is.
I'm way ahead of you.
Now, if my theory is correct, the urn is here.
It's a man-made reservoir.
A dam.
Which would have trapped the urn.
Exactly.
So pack your flippers, Dorian.
We're going on a road trip.
But I was supposed to skip my mountain getaway with Emma and help you fight evil.
Hey, listen, man, I'm really sorry to harsh your romantic weekend.
Don't worry about it.
I'll just invite her to come with us.
Sure.
You want me to go where? Maple Hollows.
It'll be fun.
You're the one who didn't want to go home for spring break.
That's 'cause my family's crazy, man.
It's the same thing every year.
A barbecue, a game of spades, and then my uncle's throwing hands.
Do you think I want to trade my family drama for yours? I think you want unsupervised time to feed on humans.
Okay, so now we get to the real.
You still don't trust me.
Right now? Not as far as I can throw you.
Look, MG doesn't need any negative influences while I'm gone.
So come with me.
All you have to do is follow my rules.
- There's rules now? - Yeah, they're simple.
No using vampire powers and absolutely no using vampire powers.
Look, I do this, you'll get off my back? Nothing would make me happier.
All right.
Whatever.
But if we're going to some Podunk town, you know, we can't roll up in that slick-ass Salvatore bus.
We got to stay low-key.
I'm one step ahead of you.
Dr.
Saltzman, this van is very white of you.
It's retro.
It's a gas-guzzling atrocity on wheels.
I brought snacks.
Oh, sweet.
Did you pack them before or after you decided to FOMO your way onto our trip? Like I'm gonna let you guys chase monsters without me? I would've thought you wanted to spend the break canoodling with your hipster boyfriend.
Sorry for wanting to protect the outside world from my mistakes.
You know, there's currently an urn on a river cruise spreading plagues across America because I thought a unicorn was cute.
It's called accountability.
Maybe there's a bracelet for it.
Or maybe you just wanted to ruin yet another Saltzman spring break.
When have I ever ruined a spring break? Girls? We're gonna be in this classic automobile for six hours, all right? So, no bickering.
It would help if it wasn't a thousand degrees in here.
I'm burning up.
You're burning up.
Now, that's ironic.
What does that even mean? Don't play dumb.
I see you.
I see right through you.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What happened to playing nice? Over.
Done.
I'm getting back to me.
I am who I am.
Right, Josie? - Josie? - Sorry? Josie, you cannot leave me alone with just her for company.
Well, I get carsick if I don't listen to music.
Josie! Girls! Girls, there is no reason to be tense or awkward, okay? Now knock it off.
We're gonna get through this together.
God help us all.
Woot.
Road trip.
- I'm boiling.
- I'm freezing.
I'm starving.
Punch buggy.
Okay, sandwiches.
I'll do a sandwich.
Dad, did you only pack meat? - Thank you.
- J-Just baloney? I told you, it's meat.
Punch buggy, no returns.
99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer I think I'm My God! Get it in the bag! Are we there yet? Oh, Lord! In the bag, sweetheart.
Are we there yet? I'm not lost.
37 bottles of beer on the wall 37 bottles of beer You take one down, you pass it around 36 bottles of beer on the wall Oh, yeah.
Keep up, guys.
My heart brought a little song for you So won't you take a listen and dance with me to the rhythm? Whoa, could you not? I'm sorry.
We there yet? Yes! You're sure this is the right spot? Anyone else would probably go all the way to the dam.
Here, the river, it bends, slows, makes deposits.
I'll find the urn.
And we can be on our way.
So we're gonna split up, check out the town.
We've got a fake gas leak story ready to go just in case there's another plague.
Take care of my girl, Ric.
Be careful, okay? Yeah.
Welcome to Maple Hollows.
Girls, you take the fountain area.
See what you can find out.
Fun fact: this town has the biggest ball of yarn in the country.
And nobody's seen anything strange.
This isn't exactly a hotspot of activity.
Our hopes of finding anything are going up in smoke.
Wait, are you passive-aggressively referring to that fire in my dorm room three years ago? You mean the one that you set on purpose to sabotage our spring break trip with our dad? No, Hope.
Why would I talk about that? - Dude, you've lost it.
- The only thing that we lost was a week of quality family time.
Dad had to cancel the trip to deal with the damage.
So mission accomplished.
You guys are just talking about ancient history.
Ow! Something stung me.
Ew.
Gross.
How'd I get stuck on the senior citizens' half of the tour? Excuse me Or y'all just needed a third wheel to shield you from all this awkwardness.
- We're not awkward.
- Not awkward at all.
No one's awkward.
Hold up.
I'm trying to hear something.
I said no vampire powers.
We're trying to keep a low profile here.
I can't turn my ears off, bruh.
It's so faint.
Maybe like a a generator? On the edge of town? I don't know, but something's humming for sure.
That's no generator.
Run.
Run.
Run! This is plague-y, right? It seems plague-y.
It's plague-y.
Get in the van.
Get in the van! Go, go, go, go, go! Whoo! - Guess we're in the right place.
- Yeah.
These hornets, they're indigenous to Africa, or Southwest Asia.
I mean, they shouldn't even be on this continent.
You're literally getting geekier by the minute, Dr.
S.
Oh what are they doing here? Oh, you guys, it's so obvious, you're gonna kick yourselves.
I can't do this.
I simply can't.
I can't do it.
Creepy crawlies.
I hate them.
- Whoa, look.
- If I could look, I wouldn't be covering my eyes, Kaleb.
No, they all just died.
What? We need to find your dad.
This way.
Does this way take us past the fire station? Oh, my God.
We barely just survived a biblical plague.
For the last time, I didn't start that fire, and I've never ruined a spring break.
- Yeah, Lizzie, now's not the time.
- Fifth grade.
You callously gave me the flu while we were building our float for witch week.
With global warming, I may never see the Florida Keys.
That's on you.
We built it with Alyssa Chang, who had pneumonia over spring break.
It wasn't me, and neither was that fire.
- Um, hey - Why did I see you giving us a death glare through the window? There's a boil on my boil.
- Oh, God! - Ew! I think I'm gonna be sick again.
Pick up the pace, Mikaelson.
- My sister needs - Single file.
You're going to be safe.
Get on the buses.
medical attention? Please form an orderly single file line and proceed to the triage tent for processing.
Deposit your cellular devices with a representative.
Keep moving.
Stick together.
Uh-huh.
Please form an orderly single file line and proceed to the triage tent for processing.
I don't get it.
The locals that we met said that they hadn't seen anything, which means that the first sign of trouble happened after we got here.
How did these people get here before the bugs? I don't know who they are, but they are too prepared, organized, and well-equipped to be responding to some random insect attack.
You together? Yeah, you know, we just came in from Roanoke to see that giant ball of yarn you guys have.
And these are? This is my wife Emma.
Uh these are my daughters.
From my first marriage.
And, uh, Kaleb here is, uh - My boyfriend.
- My boyfriend.
Hey when you're good, you're good, right? Don't look, but that guy over there was outside of Seylah's house when we were in Kansas, with the fake gas leak.
I said don't look.
What's he doing here? I don't know.
Probably the same thing we were.
Trying to cover things up.
There are groups like this scattered all over the globe.
Probably tracking the same activity we were.
Awful lot of artillery, too.
and proceed to the triage tent for processing.
Dr.
Saltzman, their gear.
They're here for the urn.
Dorian We'll take that.
Finders keepers.
Now.
Oh, poor Emma.
I mean, she's worried sick about Dorian.
Got to find a way to put her mind at ease.
You more pressed about your friend or the girl? Both.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, we need to snag one of our phones back so we can call Dorian.
I was wondering if maybe you could help.
What? Huh? You I thought vampire powers were off-limits.
Desperate times.
All right.
I'll lend you a hand, but, um, I want to hear you say it.
Not a chance.
Whatever, though.
Hi, there.
- Hello.
- I'm Deputy Agent Clarke.
I apologize for the inconvenience.
I see you're from Richmond? Uh, Roanoke.
I'm just checking in with everyone.
Sooner we get everyone proper medical attention, sooner you can go see that giant ball of yarn.
Well, we, uh, don't need any attention, but thank you.
So you came in from Raleigh on a road trip with your family? - Roanoke.
- Roanoke.
Sorry.
You ever been to Kansas? Hey, who is that guy? This creep we met in Kansas when you guys were in Europe.
Why were you in Kansas? Oh, wait, let me guess, it involved you insinuating yourself into a situation where only you could be the hero.
As a matter of fact, yeah.
I swear to God, you will do anything to get attention.
Said the narcissist.
Said the other narcissist.
Okay, guys, can we please just stop? Okay, fine.
You know what? Maybe I was jealous.
Maybe I wanted what you had.
A simple day with my family.
I lost half of my stuff in that fire, including the only painting I made with my dad.
Why would I do that to myself? So if there's nothing else Actually, uh, I was hoping we could talk privately.
You and your daughter, uh, Jessica, was it? I don't think we have anything more to discuss.
I could think of a few things.
Mystic Falls, maybe? Or perhaps your school for supernatural children.
I work for an organization that keeps monsters and things that go bump in the night from public view.
I thought I recognized you and Jessica It's Hope, actually.
I wasn't sure if it was a coincidence, so we searched your van.
We know you're Alaric Saltzman, headmaster of the Salvatore School.
We know a lot about it.
You have a terrific reputation.
Leave the school out of this.
Look, I applaud your school's mission.
If you do your job right, makes mine easier.
So why are we still here? Well, I have an entire town that needs to forget what they've seen today.
You know, usually it's convincing a farmer in Nebraska he didn't see a chimera, you know, or a few ice fishermen in Minnesota that it wasn't a yeti that ate their best friend.
This is an entire town.
It's different.
We could use the assistance of a vampire.
I noticed the daylight ring on your daughter's boyfriend Oh, he's not Never mind.
Why not call it a freak swarm of bugs? Why erase it from memory? Because someone may recognize them for what they are.
- Harbingers.
- Of what? Seriously? This is obviously the work of a mummy.
I told you.
One of our drivers survived an attack by the river.
He's been tracking the mummy ever since.
He's still on the outskirts of town, but he's heading our direction.
We're a cleanup organization.
Okay, we're not equipped to go to battle with a mummy.
So will you help? Cut him off at the pass and keep all these people safe? Oh, these are kids Kids with magic, in a town full of innocents without it.
We'd be happy to help.
I'm gonna need my weapons.
Of course.
Gather what you need.
Round up your friends.
My team can help you with anything else.
Okay, I know you don't remember our trip to Kansas clearly, but that field that we woke up in in Georgia, that's where the portal to Malivore is.
It's hidden in plain sight by a company called TRIAD.
Look familiar? Clarke said the mummy got the urn here.
Now, if it's like every other monster, its objective is to take the artifact to Malivore.
Route 21 cuts through the center of town and winds all the way to the interstate.
As the crow flies, this is the straightest route.
So it's gonna be coming this way, no questions.
Maybe we should just let him have the urn.
Make this someone else's problem.
And be responsible for two-thirds of the monster apocalypse? Damn accountability.
Ugh, damn conscience.
Speaking of conscience, I need to go see if I can find Dorian.
Yeah, of course.
I'd go with you, but, uh No, your girls need you.
Though after giving them a crash course in offensive magic, and a mummy running loose, you may need them more.
Some spring break, huh? Be safe, Ric.
All right.
So let me run this back Homie talks like he's protecting innocents, but his office actually sits on top of the portal to hell? Not hell, specifically.
Hell adjacent.
It's a tar pit of doom where monsters rot for all eternity.
Uh-huh.
And if the urn gets to Malivore, wh-what happens? The Adjacent Apocalypse? Two of the three locks that keep Malivore sealed will be open, which will lead to the end of all supernatural beings.
Okay.
So we can't let the mummy get the urn, we can't let Agent Clarke's phony hazmat dudes get the urn, and if we get the urn, then we're just bringing monsters back to the school with us? Yeah.
It is kind of a lose-lose.
Well, y'all crazier than my family, minus the barbecue.
So who do I get to fight? Actually, I need you to compel all the locals to forget what they've seen.
You mean while everyone else is fighting an actual mummy, I'm stuck with a bunch of simpletons making them forget about bugs? I don't know who this TRIAD group is or what they intend to do with the urn, but we can't run the risk of letting them get their hands on it, so first, we need them to think that we're on their side.
So vamp powers are cool as long as it's for something boring.
Look, there's one other thing I need you to do, and if we can pull this off, I guarantee you the last thing it's gonna be is boring.
Some people find it helps to clear their conscience before heading into battle.
- Not stopping you.
- Now is not the time.
It's always time for truth.
Last chance, Hope.
If you didn't start that fire to keep us from going, then why were you so mean to me after? I'll tell you why, because you were guilty.
- Girls! Quiet back there, please.
- Seriously.
I wasn't mean to you.
You were mean to me.
Because you were telling people about my episode.
- Your what? - My episode.
The one I had when our trip got cancelled.
You told everyone that I was witch bipolar.
I would never do that.
Guys, seriously, what is the point of even talking Just drop the act.
I had my first occurrence, my mom took me away to get help, and you decided to use it against me.
- Guys - I didn't even know.
I swear, I would never do that.
- Guys.
- What? There's a mummy on Main Street.
You got this, okay? You're a fighter.
And Monday morning, I want you to go in that office and demand a raise.
Do not take no for an answer.
A-And make sure they don't try to stiff you for bonuses to make up for it, okay? 'Cause, you know, they do that.
Lock that paper down, dawg.
Oh, oh, and you didn't see any hornets today.
Hi, ma'am, excuse me.
You didn't see any hornets today.
And the perfume is not covering up the smoke, girl, okay? Instead of trying to hide the problem, go home, throw out that last pack, and quit for real, all right? Today.
I believe in you.
I don't care if that bus drops you off 100 miles - from your house.
- Good luck.
That is not our problem, sir.
You have two feet for a reason.
Use them.
- You know what a fall guy is? - You mean like a scapegoat? You know what, let's not even get caught up in the wording, 'cause whatever you want to call it, you are a prime candidate.
Follow my instructions exactly.
So, what, do we, like, rush it? It's seven feet tall.
We hold our ground until it's close enough to attack.
- Okay, Dad, get behind us.
- I can't do that.
- Dad.
- I have to protect you, all of you.
No offense, Dr.
Saltzman, but you and your crossbow are kind of manspread in front of three powerful witches.
Okay, good point.
Okay, what can a mummy do to hurt us? I think we're about to find out.
Hope.
Bulla.
Nice teamwork.
Should we rush it now? Not yet.
- Now? - No.
I really, really think that we should rush it.
Wait! On three.
One Two What's happening? What's happening? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Resistus maledi.
Ignalusa.
Worst spring break ever.
Please form an orderly line and proceed to the buses.
We will be departing in five minutes.
I appreciate the cooperation, Dr.
Saltzman.
Hope we never have to see each other again.
And I hope I never get assigned to look into your school.
That'd be a real shame.
Please form an orderly line and proceed to the buses.
We will be departing in five minutes.
- So the mummy ain't actually dead? - Well, if I'm right, the mummy's curse is bound by the scarab in its chest.
Once the girls siphon the scarab, the curse will be lifted and the mummy will be dead.
Okay, and what if you're wrong? He's never wrong.
So what now? Until we get the urn, we wait.
How long do we have to wait? If I have to bug-hurl again, I swear to God, I will never talk to you again.
Okay, that one wasn't even remotely my fault.
Yeah, well, the beetle slime in my tonsils says otherwise.
Why can't we just give the mummy the urn? Is opening the portal to Malivore really that bad? Do any of the monsters that have been trapped in there seem happy and balanced to you? I'm with Josie.
Why don't we skip bug vomit round two and just go and get some pancakes or something? Think of it like this.
We'll be setting the mummy free from his prison.
Hmm.
Poor mummy.
All right, look, we can keep having empathy hour or we can do what we came here to do.
Here we go.
What the hell is happening? I don't know; he should be dead.
- Well, clearly he isn't.
- Yeah, I can see that.
He's looking for the urn.
- What do we do? - I don't know, give him the urn.
Hey, can someone give this thing the urn? Can't.
The urn's gone.
Wh Who's been in there? Only our guys.
Do something.
- Kaleb? - Yep.
Nice bling.
Don't mind if I do.
- Lizzie.
- Got it.
Oh, crap.
Hurry.
Like, hurry hurry.
The curse is lifted.
He's gone.
Well, Agent Clarke, we do any more work for you guys, you're gonna have to put us on the payroll.
Guess we'll be, uh, on our way out of here.
Whew.
Good night.
Okay.
So where is she? You doubting my skills? There.
Thank you.
Oh, and you may want to lay low for a little bit, sweetie.
You're welcome.
All right, let's go home.
All right.
Wait a second.
They have Dorian and Emma.
Oh All right.
Sit tight.
I'm impressed.
I almost hate to take it off you.
My team found your "wife" looking for Dorian.
We thought the two of them would provide some nice leverage in case things went wrong.
I think you know what to do to get them back.
Let them go.
If you really thought that I said all those things about you, then you hating me all these years makes perfect sense.
But with a father and a grandfather like mine, I'm probably not immune to those issues myself.
I don't take it lightly and I would never make fun of you for it.
I believe you.
What I don't get is why anyone would accuse me of that.
Who did you hear it from? Kaleb.
I wanted to thank you for today.
And God knows what's coming next, but you really showed me what you're made of.
You had our back.
Then can I be real with you? Of course.
You know, whether it's Clarke or a monster, we all need access to our full powers.
I mean, all I did today was compel a few people and I'm out of steam.
I need real blood.
The witches need offensive magic.
I respect you.
I respect what you're trying to do here.
But times are different now, Dr.
S.
The rules should be, too.
Why would you drive a wedge between me and Hope? Why lie? I was gonna ask the same thing.
I didn't just lie.
I started the fire.
Lizzie had made some remark about me being obsessed with you.
I just blurted out, "How could I be obsessed with somebody who would say such mean things about my twin?" But I didn't.
- I know.
I just made it up.
- Why? Because I didn't want Lizzie to know the truth.
I had a crush on you.
And I had slipped a note into your room that morning and I don't know, I just really immediately regretted it but I couldn't get in by then.
So I did a fire spell under your door.
I was really only aiming for the note.
Why would it matter that I knew? Because my whole life, any time I've ever liked anyone, you go for them.
And you always win.
You had a crush on me? Of course I did.
Who wouldn't? I can't believe we almost lost you.
Hey.
It's fine now.
I'm okay.
You're okay.
I'm sorry.
For holding back.
For not knowing how I felt about you, but I know now.
I've always known how I felt about you.
No.
There's more.
I didn't know because I was confused.
I kissed Alaric.
And it was days ago when that magical slug was in me, but that's no excuse.
Are you saying you would have kissed him without it? I'm saying I don't want to anymore.
Are you sure? I'm positive.
Did Ric have a slug in his ear when he kissed you? Dorian I'm so sorry for today.
I quit.
Looks like a piece of junk to me.
A rose by any other name.
You'd better hustle.
Mrs.
G.
wants that in the vault ASAP.
She's the boss.
Not long now.
Say, what's going on here? A gas leak.
Don't worry, though, we have it under control.
Would you like to get dinner with me sometime? I just started seeing someone.
Mind-control slugs.
We're totally infected, aren't we? I hate that urn.
So I'm just gonna get rid of it.
All right.
To you.
A week off.
And a break from monster-related business.
Hear, hear.
And Oh! I detest creepy crawlies.
You had a mind-control slug in your brain, but a beetle freaks you out.
It's a childhood fear.
So, have you decided if you're gonna come to the mountains with me for spring break? Does it look like I know how to pitch a tent? No, it does not, Miss "High Heels at a Picnic.
" Which is why I booked us at an inn.
Because, you know, psychologically speaking, you wouldn't have worn those shoes if you didn't like me a little.
Let's get out of here, come on, come on.
Okay all right I couldn't find it.
'Cause it's not there.
Then why have I done five dives looking for it? I didn't figure it out till now.
When's the last time you slept? Oh, man, I will get some sleep when we find this damn urn.
Look, you've got to stop beating yourself up about this.
I mean, yes, throwing an extremely dangerous magical artifact into the river was pretty stupid.
The slug made you do it.
Slug or not, I am responsible for the things I do, and I have very likely unleashed a new monster on the humans that live outside the gates of the school, so I need to clean up this mess.
Look, I've been searching for things outside the ordinary.
Sandstorms, locusts, scorpions and then all of a sudden, this attack that happened to you.
Dorian, these are mini plagues.
The river must've swept the urn downstream.
And these plagues are a harbinger of whatever monster's come for it.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ten bucks I know what it is.
I'm way ahead of you.
Now, if my theory is correct, the urn is here.
It's a man-made reservoir.
A dam.
Which would have trapped the urn.
Exactly.
So pack your flippers, Dorian.
We're going on a road trip.
But I was supposed to skip my mountain getaway with Emma and help you fight evil.
Hey, listen, man, I'm really sorry to harsh your romantic weekend.
Don't worry about it.
I'll just invite her to come with us.
Sure.
You want me to go where? Maple Hollows.
It'll be fun.
You're the one who didn't want to go home for spring break.
That's 'cause my family's crazy, man.
It's the same thing every year.
A barbecue, a game of spades, and then my uncle's throwing hands.
Do you think I want to trade my family drama for yours? I think you want unsupervised time to feed on humans.
Okay, so now we get to the real.
You still don't trust me.
Right now? Not as far as I can throw you.
Look, MG doesn't need any negative influences while I'm gone.
So come with me.
All you have to do is follow my rules.
- There's rules now? - Yeah, they're simple.
No using vampire powers and absolutely no using vampire powers.
Look, I do this, you'll get off my back? Nothing would make me happier.
All right.
Whatever.
But if we're going to some Podunk town, you know, we can't roll up in that slick-ass Salvatore bus.
We got to stay low-key.
I'm one step ahead of you.
Dr.
Saltzman, this van is very white of you.
It's retro.
It's a gas-guzzling atrocity on wheels.
I brought snacks.
Oh, sweet.
Did you pack them before or after you decided to FOMO your way onto our trip? Like I'm gonna let you guys chase monsters without me? I would've thought you wanted to spend the break canoodling with your hipster boyfriend.
Sorry for wanting to protect the outside world from my mistakes.
You know, there's currently an urn on a river cruise spreading plagues across America because I thought a unicorn was cute.
It's called accountability.
Maybe there's a bracelet for it.
Or maybe you just wanted to ruin yet another Saltzman spring break.
When have I ever ruined a spring break? Girls? We're gonna be in this classic automobile for six hours, all right? So, no bickering.
It would help if it wasn't a thousand degrees in here.
I'm burning up.
You're burning up.
Now, that's ironic.
What does that even mean? Don't play dumb.
I see you.
I see right through you.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What happened to playing nice? Over.
Done.
I'm getting back to me.
I am who I am.
Right, Josie? - Josie? - Sorry? Josie, you cannot leave me alone with just her for company.
Well, I get carsick if I don't listen to music.
Josie! Girls! Girls, there is no reason to be tense or awkward, okay? Now knock it off.
We're gonna get through this together.
God help us all.
Woot.
Road trip.
- I'm boiling.
- I'm freezing.
I'm starving.
Punch buggy.
Okay, sandwiches.
I'll do a sandwich.
Dad, did you only pack meat? - Thank you.
- J-Just baloney? I told you, it's meat.
Punch buggy, no returns.
99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer I think I'm My God! Get it in the bag! Are we there yet? Oh, Lord! In the bag, sweetheart.
Are we there yet? I'm not lost.
37 bottles of beer on the wall 37 bottles of beer You take one down, you pass it around 36 bottles of beer on the wall Oh, yeah.
Keep up, guys.
My heart brought a little song for you So won't you take a listen and dance with me to the rhythm? Whoa, could you not? I'm sorry.
We there yet? Yes! You're sure this is the right spot? Anyone else would probably go all the way to the dam.
Here, the river, it bends, slows, makes deposits.
I'll find the urn.
And we can be on our way.
So we're gonna split up, check out the town.
We've got a fake gas leak story ready to go just in case there's another plague.
Take care of my girl, Ric.
Be careful, okay? Yeah.
Welcome to Maple Hollows.
Girls, you take the fountain area.
See what you can find out.
Fun fact: this town has the biggest ball of yarn in the country.
And nobody's seen anything strange.
This isn't exactly a hotspot of activity.
Our hopes of finding anything are going up in smoke.
Wait, are you passive-aggressively referring to that fire in my dorm room three years ago? You mean the one that you set on purpose to sabotage our spring break trip with our dad? No, Hope.
Why would I talk about that? - Dude, you've lost it.
- The only thing that we lost was a week of quality family time.
Dad had to cancel the trip to deal with the damage.
So mission accomplished.
You guys are just talking about ancient history.
Ow! Something stung me.
Ew.
Gross.
How'd I get stuck on the senior citizens' half of the tour? Excuse me Or y'all just needed a third wheel to shield you from all this awkwardness.
- We're not awkward.
- Not awkward at all.
No one's awkward.
Hold up.
I'm trying to hear something.
I said no vampire powers.
We're trying to keep a low profile here.
I can't turn my ears off, bruh.
It's so faint.
Maybe like a a generator? On the edge of town? I don't know, but something's humming for sure.
That's no generator.
Run.
Run.
Run! This is plague-y, right? It seems plague-y.
It's plague-y.
Get in the van.
Get in the van! Go, go, go, go, go! Whoo! - Guess we're in the right place.
- Yeah.
These hornets, they're indigenous to Africa, or Southwest Asia.
I mean, they shouldn't even be on this continent.
You're literally getting geekier by the minute, Dr.
S.
Oh what are they doing here? Oh, you guys, it's so obvious, you're gonna kick yourselves.
I can't do this.
I simply can't.
I can't do it.
Creepy crawlies.
I hate them.
- Whoa, look.
- If I could look, I wouldn't be covering my eyes, Kaleb.
No, they all just died.
What? We need to find your dad.
This way.
Does this way take us past the fire station? Oh, my God.
We barely just survived a biblical plague.
For the last time, I didn't start that fire, and I've never ruined a spring break.
- Yeah, Lizzie, now's not the time.
- Fifth grade.
You callously gave me the flu while we were building our float for witch week.
With global warming, I may never see the Florida Keys.
That's on you.
We built it with Alyssa Chang, who had pneumonia over spring break.
It wasn't me, and neither was that fire.
- Um, hey - Why did I see you giving us a death glare through the window? There's a boil on my boil.
- Oh, God! - Ew! I think I'm gonna be sick again.
Pick up the pace, Mikaelson.
- My sister needs - Single file.
You're going to be safe.
Get on the buses.
medical attention? Please form an orderly single file line and proceed to the triage tent for processing.
Deposit your cellular devices with a representative.
Keep moving.
Stick together.
Uh-huh.
Please form an orderly single file line and proceed to the triage tent for processing.
I don't get it.
The locals that we met said that they hadn't seen anything, which means that the first sign of trouble happened after we got here.
How did these people get here before the bugs? I don't know who they are, but they are too prepared, organized, and well-equipped to be responding to some random insect attack.
You together? Yeah, you know, we just came in from Roanoke to see that giant ball of yarn you guys have.
And these are? This is my wife Emma.
Uh these are my daughters.
From my first marriage.
And, uh, Kaleb here is, uh - My boyfriend.
- My boyfriend.
Hey when you're good, you're good, right? Don't look, but that guy over there was outside of Seylah's house when we were in Kansas, with the fake gas leak.
I said don't look.
What's he doing here? I don't know.
Probably the same thing we were.
Trying to cover things up.
There are groups like this scattered all over the globe.
Probably tracking the same activity we were.
Awful lot of artillery, too.
and proceed to the triage tent for processing.
Dr.
Saltzman, their gear.
They're here for the urn.
Dorian We'll take that.
Finders keepers.
Now.
Oh, poor Emma.
I mean, she's worried sick about Dorian.
Got to find a way to put her mind at ease.
You more pressed about your friend or the girl? Both.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, we need to snag one of our phones back so we can call Dorian.
I was wondering if maybe you could help.
What? Huh? You I thought vampire powers were off-limits.
Desperate times.
All right.
I'll lend you a hand, but, um, I want to hear you say it.
Not a chance.
Whatever, though.
Hi, there.
- Hello.
- I'm Deputy Agent Clarke.
I apologize for the inconvenience.
I see you're from Richmond? Uh, Roanoke.
I'm just checking in with everyone.
Sooner we get everyone proper medical attention, sooner you can go see that giant ball of yarn.
Well, we, uh, don't need any attention, but thank you.
So you came in from Raleigh on a road trip with your family? - Roanoke.
- Roanoke.
Sorry.
You ever been to Kansas? Hey, who is that guy? This creep we met in Kansas when you guys were in Europe.
Why were you in Kansas? Oh, wait, let me guess, it involved you insinuating yourself into a situation where only you could be the hero.
As a matter of fact, yeah.
I swear to God, you will do anything to get attention.
Said the narcissist.
Said the other narcissist.
Okay, guys, can we please just stop? Okay, fine.
You know what? Maybe I was jealous.
Maybe I wanted what you had.
A simple day with my family.
I lost half of my stuff in that fire, including the only painting I made with my dad.
Why would I do that to myself? So if there's nothing else Actually, uh, I was hoping we could talk privately.
You and your daughter, uh, Jessica, was it? I don't think we have anything more to discuss.
I could think of a few things.
Mystic Falls, maybe? Or perhaps your school for supernatural children.
I work for an organization that keeps monsters and things that go bump in the night from public view.
I thought I recognized you and Jessica It's Hope, actually.
I wasn't sure if it was a coincidence, so we searched your van.
We know you're Alaric Saltzman, headmaster of the Salvatore School.
We know a lot about it.
You have a terrific reputation.
Leave the school out of this.
Look, I applaud your school's mission.
If you do your job right, makes mine easier.
So why are we still here? Well, I have an entire town that needs to forget what they've seen today.
You know, usually it's convincing a farmer in Nebraska he didn't see a chimera, you know, or a few ice fishermen in Minnesota that it wasn't a yeti that ate their best friend.
This is an entire town.
It's different.
We could use the assistance of a vampire.
I noticed the daylight ring on your daughter's boyfriend Oh, he's not Never mind.
Why not call it a freak swarm of bugs? Why erase it from memory? Because someone may recognize them for what they are.
- Harbingers.
- Of what? Seriously? This is obviously the work of a mummy.
I told you.
One of our drivers survived an attack by the river.
He's been tracking the mummy ever since.
He's still on the outskirts of town, but he's heading our direction.
We're a cleanup organization.
Okay, we're not equipped to go to battle with a mummy.
So will you help? Cut him off at the pass and keep all these people safe? Oh, these are kids Kids with magic, in a town full of innocents without it.
We'd be happy to help.
I'm gonna need my weapons.
Of course.
Gather what you need.
Round up your friends.
My team can help you with anything else.
Okay, I know you don't remember our trip to Kansas clearly, but that field that we woke up in in Georgia, that's where the portal to Malivore is.
It's hidden in plain sight by a company called TRIAD.
Look familiar? Clarke said the mummy got the urn here.
Now, if it's like every other monster, its objective is to take the artifact to Malivore.
Route 21 cuts through the center of town and winds all the way to the interstate.
As the crow flies, this is the straightest route.
So it's gonna be coming this way, no questions.
Maybe we should just let him have the urn.
Make this someone else's problem.
And be responsible for two-thirds of the monster apocalypse? Damn accountability.
Ugh, damn conscience.
Speaking of conscience, I need to go see if I can find Dorian.
Yeah, of course.
I'd go with you, but, uh No, your girls need you.
Though after giving them a crash course in offensive magic, and a mummy running loose, you may need them more.
Some spring break, huh? Be safe, Ric.
All right.
So let me run this back Homie talks like he's protecting innocents, but his office actually sits on top of the portal to hell? Not hell, specifically.
Hell adjacent.
It's a tar pit of doom where monsters rot for all eternity.
Uh-huh.
And if the urn gets to Malivore, wh-what happens? The Adjacent Apocalypse? Two of the three locks that keep Malivore sealed will be open, which will lead to the end of all supernatural beings.
Okay.
So we can't let the mummy get the urn, we can't let Agent Clarke's phony hazmat dudes get the urn, and if we get the urn, then we're just bringing monsters back to the school with us? Yeah.
It is kind of a lose-lose.
Well, y'all crazier than my family, minus the barbecue.
So who do I get to fight? Actually, I need you to compel all the locals to forget what they've seen.
You mean while everyone else is fighting an actual mummy, I'm stuck with a bunch of simpletons making them forget about bugs? I don't know who this TRIAD group is or what they intend to do with the urn, but we can't run the risk of letting them get their hands on it, so first, we need them to think that we're on their side.
So vamp powers are cool as long as it's for something boring.
Look, there's one other thing I need you to do, and if we can pull this off, I guarantee you the last thing it's gonna be is boring.
Some people find it helps to clear their conscience before heading into battle.
- Not stopping you.
- Now is not the time.
It's always time for truth.
Last chance, Hope.
If you didn't start that fire to keep us from going, then why were you so mean to me after? I'll tell you why, because you were guilty.
- Girls! Quiet back there, please.
- Seriously.
I wasn't mean to you.
You were mean to me.
Because you were telling people about my episode.
- Your what? - My episode.
The one I had when our trip got cancelled.
You told everyone that I was witch bipolar.
I would never do that.
Guys, seriously, what is the point of even talking Just drop the act.
I had my first occurrence, my mom took me away to get help, and you decided to use it against me.
- Guys - I didn't even know.
I swear, I would never do that.
- Guys.
- What? There's a mummy on Main Street.
You got this, okay? You're a fighter.
And Monday morning, I want you to go in that office and demand a raise.
Do not take no for an answer.
A-And make sure they don't try to stiff you for bonuses to make up for it, okay? 'Cause, you know, they do that.
Lock that paper down, dawg.
Oh, oh, and you didn't see any hornets today.
Hi, ma'am, excuse me.
You didn't see any hornets today.
And the perfume is not covering up the smoke, girl, okay? Instead of trying to hide the problem, go home, throw out that last pack, and quit for real, all right? Today.
I believe in you.
I don't care if that bus drops you off 100 miles - from your house.
- Good luck.
That is not our problem, sir.
You have two feet for a reason.
Use them.
- You know what a fall guy is? - You mean like a scapegoat? You know what, let's not even get caught up in the wording, 'cause whatever you want to call it, you are a prime candidate.
Follow my instructions exactly.
So, what, do we, like, rush it? It's seven feet tall.
We hold our ground until it's close enough to attack.
- Okay, Dad, get behind us.
- I can't do that.
- Dad.
- I have to protect you, all of you.
No offense, Dr.
Saltzman, but you and your crossbow are kind of manspread in front of three powerful witches.
Okay, good point.
Okay, what can a mummy do to hurt us? I think we're about to find out.
Hope.
Bulla.
Nice teamwork.
Should we rush it now? Not yet.
- Now? - No.
I really, really think that we should rush it.
Wait! On three.
One Two What's happening? What's happening? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Resistus maledi.
Ignalusa.
Worst spring break ever.
Please form an orderly line and proceed to the buses.
We will be departing in five minutes.
I appreciate the cooperation, Dr.
Saltzman.
Hope we never have to see each other again.
And I hope I never get assigned to look into your school.
That'd be a real shame.
Please form an orderly line and proceed to the buses.
We will be departing in five minutes.
- So the mummy ain't actually dead? - Well, if I'm right, the mummy's curse is bound by the scarab in its chest.
Once the girls siphon the scarab, the curse will be lifted and the mummy will be dead.
Okay, and what if you're wrong? He's never wrong.
So what now? Until we get the urn, we wait.
How long do we have to wait? If I have to bug-hurl again, I swear to God, I will never talk to you again.
Okay, that one wasn't even remotely my fault.
Yeah, well, the beetle slime in my tonsils says otherwise.
Why can't we just give the mummy the urn? Is opening the portal to Malivore really that bad? Do any of the monsters that have been trapped in there seem happy and balanced to you? I'm with Josie.
Why don't we skip bug vomit round two and just go and get some pancakes or something? Think of it like this.
We'll be setting the mummy free from his prison.
Hmm.
Poor mummy.
All right, look, we can keep having empathy hour or we can do what we came here to do.
Here we go.
What the hell is happening? I don't know; he should be dead.
- Well, clearly he isn't.
- Yeah, I can see that.
He's looking for the urn.
- What do we do? - I don't know, give him the urn.
Hey, can someone give this thing the urn? Can't.
The urn's gone.
Wh Who's been in there? Only our guys.
Do something.
- Kaleb? - Yep.
Nice bling.
Don't mind if I do.
- Lizzie.
- Got it.
Oh, crap.
Hurry.
Like, hurry hurry.
The curse is lifted.
He's gone.
Well, Agent Clarke, we do any more work for you guys, you're gonna have to put us on the payroll.
Guess we'll be, uh, on our way out of here.
Whew.
Good night.
Okay.
So where is she? You doubting my skills? There.
Thank you.
Oh, and you may want to lay low for a little bit, sweetie.
You're welcome.
All right, let's go home.
All right.
Wait a second.
They have Dorian and Emma.
Oh All right.
Sit tight.
I'm impressed.
I almost hate to take it off you.
My team found your "wife" looking for Dorian.
We thought the two of them would provide some nice leverage in case things went wrong.
I think you know what to do to get them back.
Let them go.
If you really thought that I said all those things about you, then you hating me all these years makes perfect sense.
But with a father and a grandfather like mine, I'm probably not immune to those issues myself.
I don't take it lightly and I would never make fun of you for it.
I believe you.
What I don't get is why anyone would accuse me of that.
Who did you hear it from? Kaleb.
I wanted to thank you for today.
And God knows what's coming next, but you really showed me what you're made of.
You had our back.
Then can I be real with you? Of course.
You know, whether it's Clarke or a monster, we all need access to our full powers.
I mean, all I did today was compel a few people and I'm out of steam.
I need real blood.
The witches need offensive magic.
I respect you.
I respect what you're trying to do here.
But times are different now, Dr.
S.
The rules should be, too.
Why would you drive a wedge between me and Hope? Why lie? I was gonna ask the same thing.
I didn't just lie.
I started the fire.
Lizzie had made some remark about me being obsessed with you.
I just blurted out, "How could I be obsessed with somebody who would say such mean things about my twin?" But I didn't.
- I know.
I just made it up.
- Why? Because I didn't want Lizzie to know the truth.
I had a crush on you.
And I had slipped a note into your room that morning and I don't know, I just really immediately regretted it but I couldn't get in by then.
So I did a fire spell under your door.
I was really only aiming for the note.
Why would it matter that I knew? Because my whole life, any time I've ever liked anyone, you go for them.
And you always win.
You had a crush on me? Of course I did.
Who wouldn't? I can't believe we almost lost you.
Hey.
It's fine now.
I'm okay.
You're okay.
I'm sorry.
For holding back.
For not knowing how I felt about you, but I know now.
I've always known how I felt about you.
No.
There's more.
I didn't know because I was confused.
I kissed Alaric.
And it was days ago when that magical slug was in me, but that's no excuse.
Are you saying you would have kissed him without it? I'm saying I don't want to anymore.
Are you sure? I'm positive.
Did Ric have a slug in his ear when he kissed you? Dorian I'm so sorry for today.
I quit.
Looks like a piece of junk to me.
A rose by any other name.
You'd better hustle.
Mrs.
G.
wants that in the vault ASAP.
She's the boss.
Not long now.