Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s01e12 Episode Script

Lois, are you going somewhere? - Yes, I am.
- Where? I don't mean to be rude, but it's none of your business.
You've got a scoop, don't you? - It's the revolution in South America.
- No, the riots in Miami.
- $5.
- You're on.
Lois, you're going to have to clear this with the budget office.
I'm not going on a story.
I do have a personal life.
All right, if you must know, I am on my way to check into the Lexor Hotel for a night of pure relaxation.
It's a prison break upstate, isn't it? - Do you want to see my reservation? - Yes.
Honeymoon suite? It was the only thing available.
Lois Lane in the honeymoon suite? - Stranger things have happened.
- Name one.
Thank you all very much.
I'm leaving now.
Now, Lois, you've got to admit, the idea of you spending a night just relaxing is a little farfetched.
O ye of little faith.
You smell so good.
I washed my hair for you.
I knew we'd be together, so I - I love you, Johnny.
- I love you.
I love you so much, I ache inside.
Yes? Working hard? No, Clark.
I'm relaxing.
Yeah, right.
How is the view? It's wonderful.
It's I don't believe it.
You don't believe what? Lois? Where are those? Yes.
It's wonderful.
It's just wonderful.
Lois, are you okay? Congressman Harrington? Yeah.
How's the bed? The bed? The bed is just great, Clark.
Clark, I'm in a Jacuzzi, can you hold on a second? Lois? Hello? Yes, Clark, yes.
Lois, is the TV on? What? No.
I mean, yes.
The TV is on.
You get a good night's sleep.
I will.
Lois, I didn't think you had it in you.
You didn't? What? The ability to take an entire weekend off.
Congratulations.
Clark, I gotta go now.
I gotta get back to relaxing.
- Isn't that - Congressman lan Harrington.
Chairman of the House Defense Committee.
And the most notoriously sexy man in Washington.
Unsubstantiated rumors.
The best kind.
Who's that joker? We don't know, but I'm running the identify program looking for a match.
We know the offices are leased to a company called Apocalypse Consulting.
Chief, I was just thinking.
Let me just take a wild guess here.
You want the Daily Planet to put you up in the honeymoon suite until we can figure out what's happening with Apocalypse Consulting.
- Thanks, Chief.
- Now, wait.
Just hold on, Lois.
We're talking a major surveillance operation here.
This is major.
A Washington VIP selling highly classified information.
Maybe I should contact my source.
The source.
Find out if there's anything to this before we get in too deep.
- You don't - Don't even think about saying that name.
Who? Okay, you guys.
- You have three nights.
- Guys? - You and Clark.
- Did you say Clark? - I heard him say Clark.
- He definitely said Clark.
Definitely.
How would that look, staying in the honeymoon suite with Clark? The honeymoon suite? It's a natural.
Lois, think this through.
How will you maintain round-the-clock surveillance all by yourself? - You're gonna need help.
- But l Besides, what hotel is gonna sit still while we're using it as a base for spy operations? You need a cover.
What better cover than honeymooners in the honeymoon suite? It would be business.
Strictly business.
Now, that's the deal.
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
Good.
Just don't try anything funny.
That's it.
Hoist her up, big fella.
Smile.
Hold on, she can't be that heavy.
Just you give me that.
- She's just a little shy.
- She'll get over it.
That man gets no tip.
Can I kiss the bride? The next person that makes a newlywed joke gets fitted for a body cast.
Count me in! What're you doing here? We're supposed to be undercover.
I was at a reception downstairs, so I thought I'd just pop up and say hello.
- What about you? - Surveillance equipment.
Why do I get the feeling you've been here before? This old place? It's kind of a home away from home.
Hanging garments in the closet.
Toiletries in the bathroom.
You're in the drawers on the left.
You unpacked my stuff? This is a full service hotel.
Extra towels? What if no one shows? Then the honeymoon's over.
Don't worry, they will.
They made it real clear on that calendar.
Old Maid? We're here to work, not play games.
I did not say I did not love you.
I said I didn't want to love you because you did not want to love me.
I never said I didn't want to love you.
I said I couldn't love you because you don't want to love anyone but yourself.
Relationships.
You're wrong! People are entitled to private lives and thoughts, Lois.
- Who are we to judge? - Are you in the right business? Our job is to rip away the veil of secrecy and expose the naked truth.
Well, when you put it like that.
Okay, I'm going to bed.
Set the recorder for voice activation and wake me when our friends across the way show up.
Wait a minute.
Aren't you forgetting something? What? Well, this is our first night here, alone.
- Together.
- So? So we flip for the bed.
How about I get the bed, I lend you a pillow? - How about we alternate nights? - How about we don't? - Well, it's a big bed.
How about we share? - How about we alternate nights? Deal.
Good night, Lois.
Good night, Clark.
They're back.
- No.
- Turn that up.
That is the last of the systems specs.
I'll have all the information on the testing for you tomorrow.
- Dates, procedures, the whole thing.
- Good.
What about a new vote? I can't initiate a re-vote until after all the tests have been analyzed and the plan rejected.
- Hopefully - Hopefully isn't good enough.
That's why I bought insurance.
You.
You don't own me, Rourke.
I own you lock, stock and re-election fund, Mr.
Chairman.
Never forget that.
No, I just meant, are you sure you can pull this off? I guarantee it.
Because if you don't, what happens to me? Pray you never find out.
Clark, what would you say if I said that I have no idea what they're talking about but whatever it is I think it's even bigger than I originally thought? I'd say you're absolutely right.
What? Nothing.
Nothing.
It's just Well, you look pretty decent first thing in the morning.
So do you.
- I ordered coffee.
- Good.
That's a good thing.
There it is.
Early to bed, early to rise.
Rough night.
Thanks.
I'm a heavy sleeper.
Admiral, my staff at Luthor Technologies will be available to you both during and after the test.
Of course.
We'll delay our joint statement to the media concerning Shock Wave until after the results are in.
I expect nothing short of total success.
Admiral, I look forward to that.
Who's Rourke, what system are they talking about, and what tests? Don't forget the vote.
We should get every available record of every vote taken by Harrington's committee over the past - Six months? Already on it.
- It's gotta be something big.
Congressmen do not sell out for less than big.
I ran Rourke name and picture through every program the Daily Planet has access to.
- The man's a ghost.
- What about Apocalypse Consulting? No bank accounts or transactions I can trace.
Apocalypse moved in a few months ago paid off a five-year lease on the offices in advance.
- Business must be good.
- What business? Thaddeus Rourke, international arms dealer electronic weapons system analyst, entrepreneur, general bad guy.
Last known base of operations: Beirut.
- How did you find that? - Where did you get that? Sources, boys and girls.
Sources.
Lifeblood of journalism.
People magazine.
Yeah.
Give me that.
Arms dealer, House Defense Committee.
Makes sense.
Now, team, we gotta talk.
A scoop is a scoop but if we're into something that's impacting on national security we're going to just have to bring in the federales.
- Now? - No, not now.
But when the time is right.
Right now we've got more questions than answers.
- So, let's hear some theories.
- I got one.
The Defense Department is about to test some new weapon system and Rourke wants to know about it.
So he bribes Harrington to slip him the information.
But Harrington's afraid of Rourke.
Or maybe he's afraid of what Rourke might do once he gets the information.
It seems to me now's the time to back up our surveillance with a little legwork.
Cat, can you find Congressman Harrington and stick with him? Like superglue.
- Jimmy, next time Rourke shows - Got him.
You two need any help? I'm coping.
We're coping.
Whatever.
Okay.
You got two days left.
Make the most of them.
- Gin.
- No way.
Read them and weep.
I can't make the rent.
I'll take everything you got, and you go directly to the poorhouse.
- Time's up.
- No, it's not! I know the answer to this.
Just give it to me again.
- What is that? - It's my word.
- There's no such word as "chumpy.
" - Sure there is.
Someone's a chump, therefore he's chumpy.
Try again.
- Are you challenging me? - You bet your sweet little chumpy I am.
Okay.
I told you.
You call that a dictionary? Lois, you are the most competitive person I have ever met.
What is it about you that makes you need to win all the time? I do not need to win all the time.
What was the name of Jerry Lewis' suave alter ego in The Nutty Professor? - Buddy Love.
- Yes! I knew that.
- No, you didn't.
- No, I knew that.
See, Lois, you're right.
You don't need to win all the time.
It's a game.
Are you telling me that when you play a game, you don't play to win? - I play to play.
- Oh, boy, here it comes.
Winning and losing is not the sole object, Lois.
Well, this is perfect.
I win, you lose, we're both happy.
Are you insane? Clark, this isn't funny! Extra towels? Sorry.
Does anybody knock around here? Have you ever lived with anyone? I mean, a full-time relationship with a member of the opposite sex? No, not full-time.
Me, neither.
I mean, full-time.
What do you think it's like? I guess, scary at first.
Compromises.
Forced intimacy.
- Sharing responsibilities.
- You're never alone.
You're never alone.
Of course, that's nothing like what we're doing now.
No, of course not.
This is artificial.
- And temporary.
- A charade.
- It's an act.
- Pure make-believe.
- What is it? - I heard something.
You heard something? What do you mean? No possible way the tests will be postponed? No.
The weather is clear.
Naval monitoring ships are en route.
- Dawn, day after tomorrow.
It's set.
- Good.
And after the test fails, we'll get my system approved and installed.
How soon before you can vote again? There are going to be delays, of course.
Analysis of test results, modifications, proposals No.
Thaddeus, we have to go through the process.
After what happens at that test no one's going to be interested in modification proposals.
- What exactly will happen? - Why don't I show you? We made a video of our computer model.
Bart, get the lights and the shutters.
Rats! - Lead-lined.
- Lead-lined? What does that mean? What? Beats me.
I don't know.
Come on.
This is torture.
Rourke, you can't.
Millions of people In for a penny, in for a pound.
It's from Jimmy.
Voting records of the House Defense Committee.
Clark, I'm going to go down to the lobby.
- I need to get something from the store.
- Okay.
Back in a few.
- Hello? - Clark Kent.
What are you doing in the honeymoon suite of the Lexor Hotel? - How did you find us? - Perry White gave us the number.
You and Lois? Is that Does everybody know? Sure, Mom, it's no problem.
We're registered as husband and wife.
Well, Clark, is there anything you'd like to tell us? Not really.
It's going smoothly, assuming Lois keeps her end of the bargain and lets me have my turn in the bedroom tonight.
I That would be I'm sure she will, Son.
- Honey - Mom, hold on a second.
Lois, what're you doing? Gee, Clark, if we called at a bad time No, Mom, it's not like that, I just Honey, you can tell us.
Mom, Lois is in trouble.
I'll call you back tomorrow.
Clark? - Lois, what happened? - I don't know.
Did you see it? See what? Never mind, you are so oblivious.
We can catch it on replay.
- You didn't reload the camera.
- Didn't I? Sorry.
I am going to take a hot shower, and then I am going to bed.
- Good night, Lois.
- Good night! Excuse me.
Sorry.
- You know, could I? - Yeah, sure.
There you go.
Could I just - I forgot my toothbrush.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
- It's tough, huh? - What? Sharing.
Yeah.
How do people do it? I don't know.
Tsunami.
Is that the one with avocado and shrimp? Yes, Cat, that's the one.
I was about to make a copy of that file when I heard something in the outer office.
What, we'll never know.
Why are they keeping a file on Japanese seafood? Cat, tsunami is not what you think it is.
It's a giant wave, Cat.
It's like a tidal wave.
Wait a minute.
I've got something on waves.
Wait a minute.
Shock wave.
Harrington's committee voted on something called Project Shock Wave not too long ago.
Here it is.
"Appropriation approval for a system test installation.
" That vote was taken five weeks ago.
Passed 8 to 0 with one abstention.
Congressman lan Harrington.
Nothing about what it is.
This is what they were talking about.
Rourke wanted Harrington to reverse this vote.
And get his system approved.
Whatever that means.
If we only knew what Shock Wave was.
How did it go with Harrington yesterday? with one mousy brunette.
It's nice to know our tax dollars are being spread around.
auburn-haired beauty.
Well, finally.
Someone with a little class.
Who was she? Me.
Like superglue, remember? Anyway, after that, Harrington went back to his office to see Rourke.
Yeah, what's the story with Rourke? After last night's fire drill Rourke and Bart drove to Pier 31 and went into a warehouse.
They were still there this morning when I left to come here.
Warehouse leased to Apocalypse Consulting.
- Did you look inside? - No.
There was no windows.
We're spinning our wheels.
Some test monitored by naval units is taking place tomorrow at dawn and Rourke is planning on sabotaging it.
I think it's time.
Time to go to the top.
To the man who always knows what's happening.
To the man who has never let me down.
- You don't mean - I do mean Sore Throat.
Why here? It's freezing.
Sore Throat's choice.
He's a creature of habit.
Here.
Take my jacket.
You should dress more warmly, miss.
This is the cold and flu season.
Allergies, they're killing me.
Always good to see you, Perry.
Who are they? Two of my best reporters.
This violates our agreement.
My understanding was I speak only to you.
Well, it doesn't violate it exactly, it just expands it.
Please, trust me.
Well, okay.
Just this one time.
What can you tell us about Project Shock Wave? Where did you hear that name? We have reason to believe that Thaddeus Rourke is working with Congressman lan Harrington to sabotage Project Shock Wave - which is due to be tested - At dawn tomorrow.
I know all about it.
Project Shock Wave.
Experimental Coastal Defense Network.
Couple of years ago, the Navy began lobbying for their own Star Wars system.
Several proposals were made, and the Navy picked Shock Wave.
Rourke's system was runner-up.
Can you tell us who's behind Shock Wave? Luthor Technologies.
Why did they pick Shock Wave? More sophisticated.
It's designed to automatically identify any foreign object within the sensor range and calibrate an appropriate response.
- What kind of response? - Well, think of it as a sonic curtain, sonic vibrations which provide an impenetrable barrier that would disable whatever would try to pass.
I'm not surprised that Rourke is taking steps.
He put millions into his system.
Tissue, anybody? Mr.
Throat what do you suggest we do? You could take whatever evidence you have to the Navy but they'd probably accuse you of espionage.
This test is top-secret.
Or you could just publish your theories.
Force the Navy to cancel the test.
Face government censure, a slew of lawsuits or you could do what I'm gonna do.
What's that? Get out of town.
I need a drier climate.
That's it? That's your advice? The great Sore Throat has spoken? What did you expect to hear? Follow the money? You know, I never understood that.
Well, keep in touch.
As always.
By the way did I mention that Rourke is completely insane with maniacal delusions of grandeur? - No.
- Well, he is.
I say we publish.
We gather everything we've got.
Video, audio, research, and we put it in the afternoon edition.
- Assuming Perry goes for it, I agree.
- Rourke scares me.
If half of what we've heard is true, he's gotta be stopped.
My credit card.
I was wondering where that was.
- Did you hear something? - Nope.
Don't just sit there.
Well, Rourke knows that we're onto him.
Worse than that, he's destroyed all our evidence.
And emptied the files.
Where is she? I checked her apartment, the gym, and the chocolate parlor.
All the usual places.
Nothing.
- Now I'm starting to get worried.
- Lois was pretty upset.
I'm starved.
Chief! I called everyone I know in Washington.
No one's even interested.
And as far as the Navy's concerned, there is no test.
- Lois turn up? - No.
Who are you calling? Hello, this is Clark Kent from the Daily Planet.
I'd like to speak to Lex Luthor, please.
- What would I do if I were her? - Something impetuous.
- And headstrong.
- And dangerous.
- Anyone else hungry? - No, thank you.
- Lex, what're you doing here? - Perry.
Mr.
Kent.
Cat.
Whomever.
Luthor Technologies has approximately half a billion dollars in research and development tied up in a project code-named Shock Wave.
The name is top secret, yet you, Mr.
Kent, call me up you tell me not only do you know about the project but that you suspect that Thaddeus Rourke a man with whom I've had previous unsatisfactory dealings intends upon sabotaging the impending test a test which commences in six-and-a-half minutes.
So, under the circumstances, I might have elected to stay home and watch reruns of Flipper on the late night cable channel but I decided to come here.
Now, what is going on? We've had Rourke and Congressman Harrington under surveillance.
Rourke is positive that your system will fail its test leaving the door wide open for his system to be adopted instead.
Italian would be good.
They have the linguini in clam sauce.
Rourke and Harrington? I should have known.
You say Rourke is positive? That implies sabotage.
No one ever described Thaddeus Rourke as an incurable optimist.
- Lex, how can your system be sabotaged? - As far as I know, it can't.
- But Rourke is a weapons expert.
- He is.
Maybe Mexican.
Chicken enchiladas.
- What about a power failure? - There's too many backups.
Besides, Rourke hinted at something more than a simple breakdown.
Something bigger.
Japanese! I could go for Japanese.
Hey, how about some of that tsunami? Tsunami? Tsunami, a giant wave caused by an undersea tremor.
Shock Wave.
And Apocalypse Consulting has a warehouse on Pier 31.
Where's Lois Lane? I envy you two.
You'll have a much better view from here.
However, we do need to get out beyond the three-mile limit.
Sayonara.
What did he mean? We're dead.
We'll be fine, Congressman.
Someone will find us.
No, it's too late.
I never meant for this to happen.
What? All systems operational for sonic barrier penetration.
Depth.
Sonar sweeps negative.
Helicopter, you're clear for takeoff.
Release in 3, 2, 1.
Shock wave in 10, 9, 8 Clark! Over here! - Where's Rourke? - Gone.
Out to sea.
- Is he all right? - I think he's in shock.
He never meant for this to happen.
- For what to happen? - I don't know.
Come on.
Run! Held for questioning? They caught the guy red-handed.
It's amazing how he manipulated the shock wave sensors into thinking something the size of the Rocky Mountains was trying to penetrate the system.
The system worked fine.
It just overreacted.
And the resulting seismic effect caused the tsunami.
So Luthor Technologies, with some modification, gets the contract.
End of story.
Not quite.
Now Congressman lan Harrington is claiming that he set the whole thing up as a sting operation to trap Rourke and that any accusations of collusion on his part are simply unsubstantiated rumors.
The best kind.
I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, Mom.
The wrong impression? Whatever do you mean, Clark? You know Lois and I are just friends and co-workers.
If you say so, Son.
I mean, if anything ever did happen between us - which is not to say that it would - We understand.
it would be because we'd gotten to know each other really well I mean, it wouldn't be impulsive.
That is very sensible, Clark.
So So you really liked being with her, didn't you? Good night, Son.
Good night, Dad.
Good night, Mom.
Good night, honey.
Hello? You'll never guess where I am.
Our former love nest.
The honeymoon suite? How? Just the management's way of apologizing for any inconvenience suffered during our stay.
I was the one who never got to use the bedroom.
Well, this will give you something to look forward to.
When you find the right woman, of course.
Of course.
So relaxing here.
I've got the drapes closed.
Well, this is all very fascinating, Lois, but I am beat.
- I think I'll turn in.
- Me, too.
What? Was there something else? No.
Nothing.
It's just Good night, Clark.
Good night, Lois.