Marvel's Avengers Assemble (2013) s01e12 Episode Script
Avengers: Impossible!
I'm on the scene, slowpokes.
Target looks big.
Going in for a closer look, Avengers.
Get here, now! The Wrecking Crew's making their move.
Everyone, follow me! Who made this rookie in charge day? Wreck them, Crew.
You'll get hurt if you stay.
Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
I'm ready for you this time, Hulk.
Yeah, ready to get smashed.
Daddy! Don't know who you are, but you're going down! Actually, he went up.
Those Avengers are amazing! Have you ever seen anything like them? - I'm one of them.
Falcon? - Hmm? Really? Ah.
Wait here.
Such star quality, he's perfect.
- Widow, behind you! - Falcon, in front of me! Amazing! Hawk! Bolo on the low-low.
Never say that again.
Stick to flying, kid.
Nice one.
All right! Did we do that or what? Hello? Guess I'll go for "or what.
" Being an Avenger isn't about recognition, Sam.
We do this work because it's right.
I I get that, Cap.
But could someone at least know I am an Avenger? For once, someone does! Are you talking to me? Who else would I be talking to? Those extras? That said, there's always room for Improvement.
I have notes.
Bow man, don't mumble! Gorilla verde, smile! Can man, Thunder bore, two words! Background.
Widow, perfect! Now, give me less.
This is all about Falcon, people.
Take two.
And action! Wrecking Crew, take two! Action? 1x12 - Avengers: Impossible! Are you crazy? We just beat those guys.
- Hey! - Not your scene.
Where did this birdcage come from? No idea.
It's not going anywhere.
Don't get overanxious.
Wait for your Director's cue.
Iron Man, who or what are we up against here? HUD pegs him as alien.
Potentially hostile.
Code name, Impossible Man.
S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
threat rating is a 10? Oh! A 10! They like me, they really like me! Avengers, assemble? Let them go.
I can't handle Wrecker, Dozer, and Thunderball alone.
You have to.
I don't want these background players in your shot.
I smell awards, Falcon.
Yours! What are you talking about? Come on, it's just one guy! - Yeah, why is that? - Patience.
I've seen this pipsqueak before.
Hard to smash.
But not Impossible.
Huh? Let's wrap this home movie.
Security! - Ow! - Need a spotlight? Here! Please, no s'more, please! Mmm! And action! Get me up there! Thor, end it! What wizardry? Let Falcon shine! There will be plenty for the rest of you to do in the third act, big alien invasion! Did he say invasion? Hulk's got Impy.
Let's help Falcon with the Wrecking Crew wrapped.
Yeah, I I don't know how I did it either.
But Impressive, Falcon.
Your alien friend is right.
Star quality.
He's not my friend.
And thanks, Tony, but I only wish I could claim it was all skills.
You guys are the stars here.
I'm just background.
My camera! Nooo! We need to get him away from the public fast.
Say no more.
To the tower! Cut to What is your mission here on Earth? I am filming the man who will become your planet's greatest hero! - And you chose Falcon? - I did defeat the Wrecking Crew.
Somehow.
Maybe I could be great.
You said an alien invasion is heading for Earth.
These are more of your kind? Ha! Don't be silly.
There's no one else like me in the whole universe.
The invasion is a misdirect.
He released the Crew.
He's the threat.
Not true! I just can't reveal too much because it'll wreck the Falcon story's dramatic ending! Speak now or I'll let Hulk show you a dramatic ending.
Aw, teleporters! I hate teleporters! Finding him now will be Impossible.
Did someone say Impossible? Here, watch this coming attraction that proves that I'm not your biggest threat.
What? In a world filled brutish baddies, his desire to show Red Skull that he can wash up the Avengers is as deep as the oceans themselves.
- He wouldn't.
- He would.
Direct from his undersea hotbed of discontent, Attuma! What trickery? A foolish attempt at capture.
You won't get me without a fight! Oh! Now, that's a cliff-hanger! I have been waiting for this.
The day I prove myself worthy to Red Skull.
Worthy of what? Ridicule? Hey, bait for breath, you forget the beating we gave you last time? - Why did you do this? - I did it for you.
Go get him! You can take this lightweight.
You joking? Attuma is number four on S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's most dangerous list.
Hulk smashing him, maybe.
Thor hammering him, maybe.
But me? You're coming off as too serious in this piece.
It should be a fun battle romp.
Let's go sitcom.
I have a very bad feeling about this.
I knew you cared.
I do care about my city, about my planet.
And you're not helping! What is this maddening laughter? Watch where you're clobbering, Thor.
You just took out our sensor dish, which we kind of need to track this space invasion.
Ooh, don't worry, team.
They're still on their way.
And man, are they angry.
We must set aside this minor threat of Attuma.
You find me a minor threat? Aye.
Get ready for his entrance, people.
- Attuma! - Not Attuma.
Bring me Avengers, that I might smite them! I am an Avenger! I don't like Tony's new decorator.
That wasn't a joke.
- Camera one.
- Try to reason with him.
Reason with him? He's impossible! - You're our best hope now, Sam.
- And there's the theme.
Find out if an invasion is really coming.
- We'll handle Attuma.
- We're counting on you, Falcon.
- Camera 2.
- Monitors out.
Nothing on the HUD.
- Camera 3.
- So Imp is really yanking our chain or Or we're sitting ducks.
Don't let those scene hogs push you out of the action and leave you with all the talky parts! Get in there! - This isn't making sense.
- Get me a script doctor! Bringing one of our enemies into our home is not funny.
Don't you get that? Yes.
One enemy equals not funny.
I do understand.
Comedy comes in threes.
Thus, more enemies are needed.
What? No! Midgard Serpent! Your movie is going to destroy my whole city! No.
It's giving you the opportunity to save it.
Ooh! This is money! Hawkeye, Imp is filling the tower with villains.
We're Avengers.
We can handle it.
We can handle anything.
As soon as I grab some more arrows.
There's a Wendigo in my closet.
What's a Wendigo? Oh, boy.
Correction, comedy comes in fours.
- Maybe mores! - Maybe less.
What are you really doing here? I may have just found my leading lady.
I am not playing.
What are you doing? I just want to be known as an artist, you know? Have people love what I do as much as I love doing it And make Falcon a star, you know? But I'm not a star.
Not in this or any other galaxy.
I know, that's why I'm making you one.
You got it wrong.
I'm backup.
I'm the "save the civilians" guy.
The "reason with the alien" guy.
I can't handle all this alone.
It looks like Hawkeye is going to be Wendigo lunch.
Now, that's a catchphrase.
No more comedy.
End this now! - I'm serious.
- So am I! Dead serious.
Don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
What? Well, if my star is unhappy, I'm unhappy.
I'll scrub this scenario.
But, really, if you can't take measly supervillains on, how will you stand a chance against the alien invasion? You can't just bring aliens here for some stupid movie.
Bring them? I don't want them here.
What do you think I am? Bonkers? They're not coming to Earth to attack us, are they? - It's you they're after.
- Ooh! Like you're so smart.
Actually, I'm a genius.
Bet you think you're rich and handsome, too.
How do you squeeze that much ego into such a small suit? Why do these alien beings seek you? I was filming a documentary about the most vicious race in the galaxy when they noticed and came after me in 3D! Give me one good reason we shouldn't hand you over to them.
Even if they get me, they'll ravage your planet.
- That's a pretty good reason.
- Do you understand how many people you put at risk coming here? No.
At first I thought you were an underdog who needed a little polish, but seeing you in person, I believe in you, Falcon.
I really do.
And there's our moment.
Now, alien invasion, like comedy, is all about timing.
And it's time to go blockbuster! - Please tell me that's not - Chitauri.
Warrior alien race, conquer planets for breakfast.
And I'm guessing Earth is on the menu.
Glad I went for the wide-screen.
We're going to need it.
Avengers, give me epic! Love to give you epic.
If we weren't about to be buried in Chitauri.
What? I can't hear you over the incredibly exciting musical score! Tony, you really think I measure up against these guys? Sure, but don't try and go it alone.
Teamwork, always.
Action fest tent-pole extravaganza, take one and only! Clack.
Avengers, assemble! We may be a team, but that's my line.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
Nice shot.
My turn.
They're grouped tight and just a few.
More like a search party than a full-on invasion.
So far, but we can't risk it.
Go big.
They seek the green one.
Oh, good.
Oh, wait! Uh-oh.
They just found him.
I love these guys.
But where's my leading man? - Your chariot awaits.
- Perfect timing, Falcon.
- Just like we trained for.
- That's why it's called a team.
Good news.
About to drop the last two advance scouts.
The bad news, the hunting party is getting some backup.
We need to shut that portal down.
Move it.
Hold it! Perfect! Go back home! Am I the only one thinking that if they did capture Impy, he'd hurt them more than he'd get hurt? You joke, but you might be onto something.
- You read me? - Loud and clear.
Falcon, what are you doing? I had you perfectly framed.
You were amazing out there! Thanks, but we have a story problem here that only you can solve.
I'm not a star.
I'm ensemble.
We all are.
What? It can't be! Then who? - You.
- Me? They won't stop coming until they have you.
But you have the power to send them all far, far away.
Pop star quality.
You know what I mean? - Hmm? - I'm a fan of yours.
And I think this blockbuster needs an impossible scene.
Impossible Man, I hereby deputize you for one scene only as an Avenger.
I accept.
I accept! I accept! Oh, there are so many little people to thank.
Hey, you can handle this, right? Uh, Falcon, is it? I'm an Avenger.
We are Avengers.
Handling this is what we do.
What do you say? Buddy flick? Can you make the change? Of course I can.
I'm the director.
But how will the universe know you if you aren't the star? Being a hero is not about being known.
It's about getting the job done.
And we're a team.
Me, them, and now you.
You got a plan, Sam, now's the time! Third act twist, impossible galactic strength teleportation missile.
And action! We get you to the rift.
You scatter the bad guys across unknown dimensions and split just one of your atoms while you shape-shift to blow the rift closed.
Save the universe, me? I may weep.
No one's ever asked me to do anything impossible before.
Impy, it's now or never.
Can you do it? I never wanted to be a box office bomb.
But if my favorite hero says so, an intergalactic missile is the only thing for me to be.
- Is that gonna work? - Cap, Impossible is his first name.
You can count on me! Storm the beach! Ten, nine, eight Thor, we need an express elevator for the remaining Chitauri.
Done.
Hulk, Iron Man, jet assist.
Will I really make a good Avenger? Pull this off, I'm your number one fan.
Lift off! Our thanks, strange one.
You wanted me, you got me! Ooh! That could be my catchphrase.
Fast thinking, Falcon.
You had the whole idea.
Man, that's why I could never be one of you guys.
- One of us guys? - Avengers.
Looks like people are starting to know your name.
It's not about that, Cap.
I get it now.
I totally get it.
We don't know Impossible Man's name, but he really came through.
- A great sacrifice.
- I hope he was happy with his finale.
I'm sure he was ecstatic.
He blew up big.
Can we go now? - Forgot my camera.
- Huh? I've got film festivals to enter.
What a tearjerker this will be.
It's got it all.
Laughs! Tears.
Me! Falcon, I'll see you when I finish the script for the sequel.
My people will call your people.
And my people will be ready.
// Read the credits wait till the end // What is shawarma, anyway?
Target looks big.
Going in for a closer look, Avengers.
Get here, now! The Wrecking Crew's making their move.
Everyone, follow me! Who made this rookie in charge day? Wreck them, Crew.
You'll get hurt if you stay.
Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
I'm ready for you this time, Hulk.
Yeah, ready to get smashed.
Daddy! Don't know who you are, but you're going down! Actually, he went up.
Those Avengers are amazing! Have you ever seen anything like them? - I'm one of them.
Falcon? - Hmm? Really? Ah.
Wait here.
Such star quality, he's perfect.
- Widow, behind you! - Falcon, in front of me! Amazing! Hawk! Bolo on the low-low.
Never say that again.
Stick to flying, kid.
Nice one.
All right! Did we do that or what? Hello? Guess I'll go for "or what.
" Being an Avenger isn't about recognition, Sam.
We do this work because it's right.
I I get that, Cap.
But could someone at least know I am an Avenger? For once, someone does! Are you talking to me? Who else would I be talking to? Those extras? That said, there's always room for Improvement.
I have notes.
Bow man, don't mumble! Gorilla verde, smile! Can man, Thunder bore, two words! Background.
Widow, perfect! Now, give me less.
This is all about Falcon, people.
Take two.
And action! Wrecking Crew, take two! Action? 1x12 - Avengers: Impossible! Are you crazy? We just beat those guys.
- Hey! - Not your scene.
Where did this birdcage come from? No idea.
It's not going anywhere.
Don't get overanxious.
Wait for your Director's cue.
Iron Man, who or what are we up against here? HUD pegs him as alien.
Potentially hostile.
Code name, Impossible Man.
S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
threat rating is a 10? Oh! A 10! They like me, they really like me! Avengers, assemble? Let them go.
I can't handle Wrecker, Dozer, and Thunderball alone.
You have to.
I don't want these background players in your shot.
I smell awards, Falcon.
Yours! What are you talking about? Come on, it's just one guy! - Yeah, why is that? - Patience.
I've seen this pipsqueak before.
Hard to smash.
But not Impossible.
Huh? Let's wrap this home movie.
Security! - Ow! - Need a spotlight? Here! Please, no s'more, please! Mmm! And action! Get me up there! Thor, end it! What wizardry? Let Falcon shine! There will be plenty for the rest of you to do in the third act, big alien invasion! Did he say invasion? Hulk's got Impy.
Let's help Falcon with the Wrecking Crew wrapped.
Yeah, I I don't know how I did it either.
But Impressive, Falcon.
Your alien friend is right.
Star quality.
He's not my friend.
And thanks, Tony, but I only wish I could claim it was all skills.
You guys are the stars here.
I'm just background.
My camera! Nooo! We need to get him away from the public fast.
Say no more.
To the tower! Cut to What is your mission here on Earth? I am filming the man who will become your planet's greatest hero! - And you chose Falcon? - I did defeat the Wrecking Crew.
Somehow.
Maybe I could be great.
You said an alien invasion is heading for Earth.
These are more of your kind? Ha! Don't be silly.
There's no one else like me in the whole universe.
The invasion is a misdirect.
He released the Crew.
He's the threat.
Not true! I just can't reveal too much because it'll wreck the Falcon story's dramatic ending! Speak now or I'll let Hulk show you a dramatic ending.
Aw, teleporters! I hate teleporters! Finding him now will be Impossible.
Did someone say Impossible? Here, watch this coming attraction that proves that I'm not your biggest threat.
What? In a world filled brutish baddies, his desire to show Red Skull that he can wash up the Avengers is as deep as the oceans themselves.
- He wouldn't.
- He would.
Direct from his undersea hotbed of discontent, Attuma! What trickery? A foolish attempt at capture.
You won't get me without a fight! Oh! Now, that's a cliff-hanger! I have been waiting for this.
The day I prove myself worthy to Red Skull.
Worthy of what? Ridicule? Hey, bait for breath, you forget the beating we gave you last time? - Why did you do this? - I did it for you.
Go get him! You can take this lightweight.
You joking? Attuma is number four on S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's most dangerous list.
Hulk smashing him, maybe.
Thor hammering him, maybe.
But me? You're coming off as too serious in this piece.
It should be a fun battle romp.
Let's go sitcom.
I have a very bad feeling about this.
I knew you cared.
I do care about my city, about my planet.
And you're not helping! What is this maddening laughter? Watch where you're clobbering, Thor.
You just took out our sensor dish, which we kind of need to track this space invasion.
Ooh, don't worry, team.
They're still on their way.
And man, are they angry.
We must set aside this minor threat of Attuma.
You find me a minor threat? Aye.
Get ready for his entrance, people.
- Attuma! - Not Attuma.
Bring me Avengers, that I might smite them! I am an Avenger! I don't like Tony's new decorator.
That wasn't a joke.
- Camera one.
- Try to reason with him.
Reason with him? He's impossible! - You're our best hope now, Sam.
- And there's the theme.
Find out if an invasion is really coming.
- We'll handle Attuma.
- We're counting on you, Falcon.
- Camera 2.
- Monitors out.
Nothing on the HUD.
- Camera 3.
- So Imp is really yanking our chain or Or we're sitting ducks.
Don't let those scene hogs push you out of the action and leave you with all the talky parts! Get in there! - This isn't making sense.
- Get me a script doctor! Bringing one of our enemies into our home is not funny.
Don't you get that? Yes.
One enemy equals not funny.
I do understand.
Comedy comes in threes.
Thus, more enemies are needed.
What? No! Midgard Serpent! Your movie is going to destroy my whole city! No.
It's giving you the opportunity to save it.
Ooh! This is money! Hawkeye, Imp is filling the tower with villains.
We're Avengers.
We can handle it.
We can handle anything.
As soon as I grab some more arrows.
There's a Wendigo in my closet.
What's a Wendigo? Oh, boy.
Correction, comedy comes in fours.
- Maybe mores! - Maybe less.
What are you really doing here? I may have just found my leading lady.
I am not playing.
What are you doing? I just want to be known as an artist, you know? Have people love what I do as much as I love doing it And make Falcon a star, you know? But I'm not a star.
Not in this or any other galaxy.
I know, that's why I'm making you one.
You got it wrong.
I'm backup.
I'm the "save the civilians" guy.
The "reason with the alien" guy.
I can't handle all this alone.
It looks like Hawkeye is going to be Wendigo lunch.
Now, that's a catchphrase.
No more comedy.
End this now! - I'm serious.
- So am I! Dead serious.
Don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
What? Well, if my star is unhappy, I'm unhappy.
I'll scrub this scenario.
But, really, if you can't take measly supervillains on, how will you stand a chance against the alien invasion? You can't just bring aliens here for some stupid movie.
Bring them? I don't want them here.
What do you think I am? Bonkers? They're not coming to Earth to attack us, are they? - It's you they're after.
- Ooh! Like you're so smart.
Actually, I'm a genius.
Bet you think you're rich and handsome, too.
How do you squeeze that much ego into such a small suit? Why do these alien beings seek you? I was filming a documentary about the most vicious race in the galaxy when they noticed and came after me in 3D! Give me one good reason we shouldn't hand you over to them.
Even if they get me, they'll ravage your planet.
- That's a pretty good reason.
- Do you understand how many people you put at risk coming here? No.
At first I thought you were an underdog who needed a little polish, but seeing you in person, I believe in you, Falcon.
I really do.
And there's our moment.
Now, alien invasion, like comedy, is all about timing.
And it's time to go blockbuster! - Please tell me that's not - Chitauri.
Warrior alien race, conquer planets for breakfast.
And I'm guessing Earth is on the menu.
Glad I went for the wide-screen.
We're going to need it.
Avengers, give me epic! Love to give you epic.
If we weren't about to be buried in Chitauri.
What? I can't hear you over the incredibly exciting musical score! Tony, you really think I measure up against these guys? Sure, but don't try and go it alone.
Teamwork, always.
Action fest tent-pole extravaganza, take one and only! Clack.
Avengers, assemble! We may be a team, but that's my line.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
Nice shot.
My turn.
They're grouped tight and just a few.
More like a search party than a full-on invasion.
So far, but we can't risk it.
Go big.
They seek the green one.
Oh, good.
Oh, wait! Uh-oh.
They just found him.
I love these guys.
But where's my leading man? - Your chariot awaits.
- Perfect timing, Falcon.
- Just like we trained for.
- That's why it's called a team.
Good news.
About to drop the last two advance scouts.
The bad news, the hunting party is getting some backup.
We need to shut that portal down.
Move it.
Hold it! Perfect! Go back home! Am I the only one thinking that if they did capture Impy, he'd hurt them more than he'd get hurt? You joke, but you might be onto something.
- You read me? - Loud and clear.
Falcon, what are you doing? I had you perfectly framed.
You were amazing out there! Thanks, but we have a story problem here that only you can solve.
I'm not a star.
I'm ensemble.
We all are.
What? It can't be! Then who? - You.
- Me? They won't stop coming until they have you.
But you have the power to send them all far, far away.
Pop star quality.
You know what I mean? - Hmm? - I'm a fan of yours.
And I think this blockbuster needs an impossible scene.
Impossible Man, I hereby deputize you for one scene only as an Avenger.
I accept.
I accept! I accept! Oh, there are so many little people to thank.
Hey, you can handle this, right? Uh, Falcon, is it? I'm an Avenger.
We are Avengers.
Handling this is what we do.
What do you say? Buddy flick? Can you make the change? Of course I can.
I'm the director.
But how will the universe know you if you aren't the star? Being a hero is not about being known.
It's about getting the job done.
And we're a team.
Me, them, and now you.
You got a plan, Sam, now's the time! Third act twist, impossible galactic strength teleportation missile.
And action! We get you to the rift.
You scatter the bad guys across unknown dimensions and split just one of your atoms while you shape-shift to blow the rift closed.
Save the universe, me? I may weep.
No one's ever asked me to do anything impossible before.
Impy, it's now or never.
Can you do it? I never wanted to be a box office bomb.
But if my favorite hero says so, an intergalactic missile is the only thing for me to be.
- Is that gonna work? - Cap, Impossible is his first name.
You can count on me! Storm the beach! Ten, nine, eight Thor, we need an express elevator for the remaining Chitauri.
Done.
Hulk, Iron Man, jet assist.
Will I really make a good Avenger? Pull this off, I'm your number one fan.
Lift off! Our thanks, strange one.
You wanted me, you got me! Ooh! That could be my catchphrase.
Fast thinking, Falcon.
You had the whole idea.
Man, that's why I could never be one of you guys.
- One of us guys? - Avengers.
Looks like people are starting to know your name.
It's not about that, Cap.
I get it now.
I totally get it.
We don't know Impossible Man's name, but he really came through.
- A great sacrifice.
- I hope he was happy with his finale.
I'm sure he was ecstatic.
He blew up big.
Can we go now? - Forgot my camera.
- Huh? I've got film festivals to enter.
What a tearjerker this will be.
It's got it all.
Laughs! Tears.
Me! Falcon, I'll see you when I finish the script for the sequel.
My people will call your people.
And my people will be ready.
// Read the credits wait till the end // What is shawarma, anyway?