Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s01e12 Episode Script

From the belt to the plate! (GRUNTS) Come on, Drax, you shouldn't have even swung at that.
It was a ball.
It is still a ball, Quill.
You told me to hit it.
I am Groot.
Yeah, Groot's right.
You told us we was gonna make a diamond.
It's a baseball diamond, Rocket, where you play baseball.
And you hit the ball unless it's a bad pitch.
Then it's a ball, but only if you don't try to hit it.
I do not understand this game.
Game? Game? Baseball is more than a game.
It's a way of life.
In fact, it once saved my life.
Quill, the nav point from your star map? It's moving.
- Toward us.
- Hang on, Gamora.
I'm about to impart some Earth wisdom here.
GAMORA: Now the nav point is sending out a distress beacon.
Hello? Earth wisdom.
There was this dog, okay? Lived right next to the field and he was huge.
Bigger than that one? (SHOUTS) It's okay.
I got this.
I'm super good with dogs.
They can smell fear, okay? Everybody just stay calm.
(SHOUTING) (GRUNTING) (CRASHING) (SIGHS) Why doesn't anybody listen to me? (BARKS) There's the mutt.
Grab him! QUILL: Huh? (SHOUTS) (SNIFFING) Hey! Get away from my boom box, Fido! Here, boy.
Hey.
(PANTING) Go fetch.
(BARKS) Look out! Well, at least we don't have to play that stupid game no more.
(GROWLING) Come back with my ball! Forget your stupid ball.
Quill, wait! We need to figure out where we've been teleported.
It's not about the ball.
It's about how I'm supposed to be the leader of this team, but no one listens to a word I say.
No one listens to you? If you had listened to me, you would have known about the nav point moving, and about the distress call.
There was a distress call? All right, so who's in distress? I mean, there's nobody here but a giant, slobbering baseball thief! (BARKS) QUILL: What is it, boy? Huh, what is it? Timmy in the well? (WHINES) You know, on Earth that's totally hilarious.
I can see why you don't go back.
Okay, ignoring the snide remark.
Checking out the glowing pod thingies.
Whoa.
A sleeping princess.
Huh.
Just like in a fairy tale.
Ooh.
(GRUNTS) (QUILL GRUNTING) You would dare take such liberties with Medusa, Queen of the Inhumans? Hey, it was just one little kiss.
(GRUNTING) Let go of me, beast! (GRUNTING) I am a married woman.
My husband would have words with you.
- I won't say anything if you won't.
- Neither will he.
All right, knuckleheads.
I followed the tracking beacon in Quill's helmet this far.
But I can't get a solid fix on it now.
Quill! Gamora! I am Groot.
Forget it, guys.
This place looks like a ghost town.
Drax the Destroyer does not fear ghosts.
(GROANS) I mean, it's empty.
Like your head.
- I am Groot.
- ROCKET: Good point.
Maybe we can empty this city of a few treasures.
(SIGHING) What? It's not like there's anybody here to use the stuff.
We cannot take these statues.
You're absolutely right, Drax.
(GRUNTING) We gotta find out what they're made of first.
(CHUCKLES) Don't want to waste our time hauling around a bunch of worthless rocks.
(CLINKING) I am Groot.
(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Hey, these rocks are alive.
(GRUNTING) ROCKET: And they're pretty cheesed off! (ALL GROWLING) (GRUNTS) I will remove the remainder of their cheese.
(ALL GRUNTING) I am Groot.
I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot! Got my own problems here.
Whoa! Now I'd like some answers.
Who sent you? Are you Kree? Nobody sent us.
We were answering your distress call when that slobbering sofa over there shanghaied us.
And he took my ball! Is this true, Lockjaw? (GRUMBLING) But I sent no distress signal.
(BOTH SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody did.
MAN: Alpha primitives.
Cease this attack.
Back! Back, my loyal subjects.
Oh, this has all been a terrible misunderstanding.
I am so very sorry about all this.
I was expecting someone else.
I am Maximus, the Magnificent.
Supreme Leader of the Inhumans.
ROCKET: Okay.
What's an Inhuman? Many thousands of years ago on a planet called Earth, the Kree experimented on a tribe of prehistoric humans.
- They - Wait, you're from Earth? Great, tell her about baseball.
It's super important, right? I know nothing of baseball.
Okay, she is not from Earth.
MAXIMUS: These experimental Inhumans became hyper-evolved, genetically superior.
They were feared and hated by their primitive brethren, and forced to live in seclusion.
Those were my ancestors who built this marvelous city, Attilan.
It was then that they discovered the Terrigen Crystals in the caverns beneath the city.
Exposure to the crystals gave us each unique and amazing powers.
- Like the hair thing? - (SIGHS) Like the hair thing.
Hidden from the world, we Inhumans lived in peace.
Until three decades ago, when the plague appeared.
BOTH: Plague? (MUMBLING) The plague slowly turns our bodies into Terrigen Crystal.
It only affects Inhumans.
Including Lockjaw.
(PANTING) Aw, who's a poor puppy! You've seen the effect on our servant class, the Alpha Primitives.
The plague made them nearly indestructible.
Their strength increased a hundred-fold.
But for the rest of us, the plague would prove quite fatal.
Until now.
After years of tireless work, I, Maximus, have found a cure.
Soon I will have enough of the serum to save the rest of my family.
Even Black Bolt, my poor mute brother.
Since it was the Kree who created the Inhumans, we hoped they might help us find a cure.
We placed ourselves in stasis and launched our city into the stars.
(GASPS) My husband.
The king is missing.
And so is his rat of a brother, Maximus.
Lockjaw, to Maximus' lab.
(BARKS) Wait.
Who's Maximus again? (BARKS) ROCKET: Hey, it's Quill and Gammy.
And the kidnapping pooch.
And some lady having a seriously weird hair day.
(GROWLING) Maximus the Mad.
Where is Black Bolt? What have you done with my husband, the king? - I thought you was the king.
- By rights, I should be.
I isolated the Terrigen plague.
I found the cure.
While this one said nothing, did nothing.
Until he himself succumbed to the threat.
Black Bolt is unworthy of the crown.
Maximus is the true savior of the Inhumans.
Okay.
Good luck with that.
We're just gonna take our friends and head out.
You found a cure but you refused to share it unless you were crowned Supreme Ruler.
We would rather succumb to the plague than yield to your insane grab for power.
You deceived us.
Why would you do such a thing? It was nothing personal, friend.
I had to do something to keep you from interfering until I completed my greatest invention.
Behold! MAXIMUS: Complete and total mind control.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Obey me, my brother.
Destroy them! Destroy them all! You will not harm my friends! (DRAX GRUNTING) (EXPLOSION) DRAX: No! (DRAX GRUNTS) (LAUGHING) Finally, one of you will listen to what I say.
So, you're the hair lady's husband, huh? For the record, dude, I never touched her.
MAXIMUS: Black Bolt, obey your brother and true king.
Destroy them! (GRUNTING) Bravo! Well done, my puppet.
MEDUSA: Fight Maximus' control, my husband.
No mind is as resilient as yours.
No will so strong.
Okay, you guys draw Black Bolt away.
I'll take out Maximus and get the mind control gizmo.
Or you two could just ignore my awesome plan, and totally do your own thing, as usual.
(GRUNTING) (GROANS) (LAUGHING) Hey, puppy, puppy! Can you zap me over behind Maximus, huh? Can you, boy? (YELLS) (GRUNTS) (SHOUTS) Didn't Medusa tell you? We Inhumans are stronger, faster, smarter.
Far superior to any human.
I'm warning you.
Don't make me open this box.
There's a weapon inside that can wipe out the whole city.
Really? Oh, this I must see.
Open it, open it! No, okay, you're not getting it.
We'll all be vaporized instantly.
How exciting! Open it, now! (GROANS) (SCREAMS) My eyes! My eyes! See? See, that's what happens to people who don't listen to me.
Now let's see about that helmet.
Quill, quit feeding the plant the Cosmic Seed energy.
(GROOT GROWLING) (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING) (GROANS) It's not your fault, my love.
You weren't under your own control.
(GROANS) GROOT: I am Groot.
Maximus got away, but I got his mind control gizmo.
Are you all right, Black Bolt? Eh, not much of a conversationalist, huh? Still, we should get the other mind control piece off your head.
Don't touch it! My husband's power is in his voice.
That is why he dares not speak.
Even the slightest whisper can level a city.
(ECHOING) Ahhh.
(EXPLOSION) He has trained all his life to remain silent, but the antenna helps him focus his energies.
If it were damaged Then say hello to oblivion.
Got it.
Nobody touches the antenna.
(GROANS) The plague.
It is spreading.
When you opened the box it made the crystals grow like crazy.
It made the That's awesome! I do not think that word means what you think it means.
No, hear me out.
If Cosmic Seed energy made the plague worse, then removing it should make it better.
And we all know my boom box absorbs Cosmic Seed energy.
See? Awesome Ahhh! QUILL: ly disappointing.
Okay.
Wait, unless there's another source of Cosmic Seed energy nearby.
As in the Cosmic Seed itself.
It could be right here under our feet.
Oh, flarg! Not this again.
But if I'm right, then all we have to do is put the Seed back in the boom box.
Box sucks up all the Seed energy, crystals stop growing out of control Boom! No more plague.
You've never even seen the Cosmic Seed.
You don't know how it would react.
You know, fine.
If you don't want to look for the Seed, I'll find it on my own.
I'm sick of you guys not listening to me anyway.
Excuse me, Your Royalness, but I'm trying to save your people.
The Guardians of the Galaxy.
- This is a pleasant surprise.
- Ahhh.
I told you I was expecting someone else.
MEDUSA: Maximus! What have you done? Just what you wanted.
I have formed an alliance with the Kree.
I give them an invincible crystal army, and in return, Attilan becomes part of the Kree Empire, with myself as Supreme Leader, of course.
(SCOFFS) Is that what he told you? He can't do that! Ronan's an outlaw even among his own people.
You cut a deal with the one guy in the galaxy who's crazier than you! No.
No! Enough of your lies.
Alpha Primitives, attack! (ALL GROWLING) (GRUNTING) That's right.
You want a piece of me? (SHOUTS) These things just keep coming.
(ALL SHOUTING) (GRUNTS) (SHOUTS) (GROANS) The plague has weakened us.
(GRUNTING) Yield, Inhuman.
You cannot hope to overpower my universal weapon.
Hey! I need that! I believe this device belongs to me.
Thank you.
By divine right, I proclaim myself Maximus the Magnificent, Supreme Ruler of the Inhumans.
Accuser Ronan.
I hereby swear eternal loyalty and fealty to the Kree Empire.
Get out of my sight, you filth.
But I I don't understand.
You promised me an invincible army, and present me with these abominations! As Accuser of the Kree Empire, I declare that this vile, debased city be cleansed.
No.
You can't do this to me.
I'll make my brother stop you.
With a word, a single syllable, he will annihilate (GRUNTS) (GROANING) Black Bolt, you will order your pet to teleport you to the Terrigen Crystal chamber beneath the city.
- And take Quill with you.
- What did I do? I owe you a What did you call it? Dance-off.
However, I will keep the Crypto-Cube.
(GROWLING) As soon as my ship reaches a safe distance, I will order Black Bolt to scream, ridding the universe of this unclean city, and the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Let me get this straight.
We're all gonna get blown to atoms because Ronan's gonna make a guy yell? Maximus, if you give Black Bolt the cure, perhaps he'll be strong enough to fight off the mind control.
(GRUNTING) (SHATTERING) I'd rather be vaporized than bow to my brother yet again.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (ALL GASP) (GRUNTS) The Cosmic Seed's not here either.
Oh, man, now those guys are never gonna listen to me.
RONAN: (AMPLIFIED) Black Bolt, make the so-called Star-Lord dance.
No.
No, no.
No, no, come on.
Your Highness, you don't want to do this.
You're a sick man, remember? You should probably rest.
Have you tried chicken soup? No! (GASPS) Huh.
Hey, puppy.
You can zap me out of here, right? Come on.
Good boy.
(SIGHS) What's your secret, man? I mean, everybody listens to you and you don't even say anything MEDUSA: The Terrigen cavern is just ahead.
Our only chance is to remove Black Bolt's mind control device.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So now you want to mess with his antenna and risk blowing us all up? Oh, I doubt you'll even get the opportunity to try.
Alpha Primitives.
Attack! (GRUNTING) Bravo! A front row seat for the apocalypse.
(LAUGHING) RONAN: That should be far enough.
Now, Black Bolt.
Scream.
(ECHOING) Black Bolt, listen.
If you have to scream, just make the dog take you where you can't hurt anybody.
Dude, just think about something else.
Like baseball.
Seriously? How can you people come from Earth and not know baseball? QUILL: You had him fetch me the boom box? But the energy in here makes the plague worse.
It'll kill you, which I guess would save Attilan, but QUILL: Wait.
You think it can absorb the Cosmic Seed energy from the crystals? You were listening to me! The plague.
It's gone.
Huh? (ALL GROANING) (SHOUTING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) QUILL: Yeah, I pretty much saved the day, again.
You're welcome.
Do what you must, my love.
Something is wrong.
Attilan should be annihilated by now.
Huh? (WHIRRING) Never.
(ECHOING) Mmm.
Ronan will have his revenge! (LAUGHING) MAXIMUS: Oh, the irony.
Foiled by the great Star-Lord who can't find what he seeks with a map and both hands.
The further he goes, the farther away he gets.
(LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) - Wait.
What did he mean by that? - Come on, Quill.
The guy's a whack job.
MEDUSA: Guardians of the Galaxy, in gratitude for all you have done, we offer you the full hospitality of the royal palace for as long as you wish to stay.
That's a really generous offer, Your Highnesses, but we're kind of on a mission.
We're following this map to find this Cosmic Seed thing.
Okay, every other time the boom box absorbed Cosmic Seed energy it showed us a new coordinate on the map.
This time there's nothing.
We Inhumans find ourselves at a crossroads as well.
With the plague cured, we must now decide whether to return to Earth or seek out our creators, the Kree.
So your treasure map just led us to one big dead end.
- Where to now? - I don't know.
I finally got you all to listen to me, and I don't have anything to say.
(BARKING) QUILL: Baseball.
See? The dog gets it.
And here's the pitch!