Mighty Med (2013) s01e12 Episode Script

Something horrible is happening to me.
My face is leaking.
Liquid is dripping out of my nose.
And sometimes it shoots out with explosive force.
Like that.
Your face isn't leaking.
You just have the flu.
This guy, he's got leaky face.
Here's a tissue And a bucket.
I have the flu? Oh, no.
So what are you gonna do? Throw me in a volcano? Because that's pretty much the cure for everything on my planet.
First of all, I wouldn't really know how to do that.
But all you need is a little rest and a little tender loving care.
And, by the way, your planet sounds horrible.
I can't believe you hugged Skylar when she's sick.
You're usually not so big on germs.
What makes you say that? Gather around, everyone.
The hospital staff rankings are out.
Rankings? Every year, the patients evaluate the staff in a number of categories.
I keep the details confidential, but I make the rankings public because I'm bored, and I love drama.
Yes.
I'm at the top.
I don't want to brag, but I'm better than you.
I'm better than you.
And I'm better than you.
I'm last? I thought patients liked me.
How could I be dead last? No, no, you're not dead last.
This is just the top sheet.
See? You're second to dead last.
Right, of course.
Together: Alan.
 Okay, yo  every day's an adventure  you never know by the looks on our face   leave class early, work at 3:30   hit the comic store, read up before the journey   all these new issues and super powers   if we didn't have to work we'd be here for hours   everybody says that we shouldn't worry   but have you ever seen superheroes on a gurney   will we save the world today, you never know   will we all be safe today, you never know   will we fly away or stay, you never know   but you know we mighty med, team up and let's go   save the people that save people after clashes   we flip the page and jump to action   they call us normo-nomally fantastic   seeing superheroes that we only imagined   this type of life you got to have fight   put up your fist and fight for what's right   never could tell what we could see out of sight   do the same thing tomorrow that we did tonight   will we save the world today, you never know   will we all be safe today, you never know   will we fly away or stay, you never know   but you know we mighty med, team up and let's go!  I can't believe I'm at the bottom of the list.
Even doctor malpractice is above me.
It's pronounced mal-proc-teese.
But he does leave a lot of stuff inside people.
Like this guy.
How can I get patients to like me more? It's obvious.
You just need to adopt a "Kaz-do" spirit.
Develop a whole new "Kazzitude.
" Show 'em the "Kaz hands.
" Be more like me.
Well, you're at the top, and I am at the bottom, so maybe I should be more like you.
But I'll give it my "all-liver.
" And you wonder why patients don't like you.
Your problem is you look before you leap.
What you should do is leap before you look, like this.
My back.
It's so much better.
I feel like I'm 20 years younger.
No wonder you're at the top of the list.
See? I'd better make sure your thoracic vertebrae aren't damaged.
My back! It's so much worse.
I feel like I'm 20 years older.
No wonder you're at the bottom of the list! Alan, can you please get me a blanket? I'm achy, and I'm cold and I don't feel good.
Oh, are you sick? What a coincidence because I'm sick.
I'm sick of sick people telling me they're sick.
You're in a hospital.
That's where sick people go.
And I'm sick of it.
Some washed-up superhero a stupid blanket.
I need to figure out how to move up and get my Uncle Horace to take me seriously.
Please get me a blanket.
My head is throbbing, and my stomach hurts and I don't know what to do.
Oliver told me to try chicken soup, but I don't think it's helping.
Why don't you just get the blanket yourself, since you're obviously able to fly again? What are you talking abo are you kidding me? I'm flying again.
I think your flu is causing your power of flight to return.
This could be a major medical breakthrough.
Tell you what, you let me take credit for this, I'll get you whatever you want.
Well, some crackers for my foot soup would be nice.
You got it.
Because if this works out, everyone will love me.
Not only will I be number one in the staff rankings, but maybe my Uncle Horace will take down all these signs.
Hey, you're neocortex.
What's wrong? I hurt my shoulder, surfing the Internet.
Funny squirrel video, fell out of my chair.
I don't want to talk about it.
Anyway, just sign my chart and get me out of here.
Oh, no problem.
I just remembered something yes, I do have the power to send out psychic bursts which can immobilize a villain or control their behavior.
It's called neural manipulation.
How did you know I was was gonna ask that? 'Cause I also have the power to read minds.
Not to mention the power of psychic communication Which is how I'm talking to you right now! Okay, I'm gonna need to test out all of your powers.
Why don't you go ahead and make me I don't know a little more adventurous and daring and "leap-before-I-looky?" Dude, I can read your mind.
You want me to make you more like your friend Kaz.
Fine.
Let's try it this way, if you don't do it for me, I won't sign your chart.
That's what we call plain old manipulation.
Weasel.
I can hear you.
Yeah, I know.
Fine.
Let's do this thing.
Hmm.
I don't feel any different.
Ooh, I wonder what this button does.
Aah! That was awesome! Here's your blanket.
And I got you some magazines, modern sweater vests and people Who wear sweater vests.
Anyway, you seem to be feeling better.
I am, but I can't seem to fly as high now.
What? That's terrible.
If normo flu restored your power to fly, then getting better must be making your power disappear.
How dare you get better behind my back? It's not my fault, Alan.
People get better.
Not when I treat them, they don't.
If you want to keep your power to fly, we have to get you sicker.
Fine.
Do whatever it takes.
Hey, absolute zero, drop the temperature in here.
Blue tornado, give me a little arctic blast.
And, snowstorm, could you get me a hot cocoa? It's really cold in here.
It's working.
Stick with me, and I'll have you sick as a dog, a super flying dog.
Hey, check out the centerfold.
I'm Dr.
walrus Diaz.
Who are you and how many fish can you catch? - What's going on here? - Oh, good news, bro.
I convinced neocortex to mess with my brain junk.
He made me more like you.
That is this is together: Awesome! Ooh.
Look, I know you just got here, but there's one test I know you need.
A cat scan.
Meow.
Drrrrrr! What are you doing? That's my line.
I knew I had heard it from somewhere.
Hey, serge.
More power to ya.
That's it.
You can act like me, but you can't be better at being me than me.
Neocortex, it's time to bring back the old Oliver back.
No way.
Super-Kaz-afragilistic- expi-Kaz-adocious.
I know it is.
But being me is my thing.
It's the only thing I know how to do.
Neocortex, please, change him back.
No.
I don't want to change back.
What did you just do? I just deflected neocortex's neural beam like a boss.
You overloaded his brain like a horrible boss.
Oh.
Commemorative "I olivered this up" fake photo.
Oliver, you scrambled a superhero's brain, and Horace is going to blame me because, well, that would usually be a very good assumption.
Relax, I'm sure we can find a way to cure him.
We just have to focus.
Right, focus.
( Machine beeping ) Dude, we sound good.
Wait, wait.
This is serious.
You're right.
So what do we do? I don't know.
You're the idea guy.
I'm the action guy.
Now we have two action guys.
That's like having two I don't know what it's like.
I'm not the idea guy.
Wait, I have an idea.
Depressed tongue depressor.
I don't like going into strangers' mouths.
( Alarming ) That's your best flying time ever.
Looking good.
I am? No, it's just an expression.
You look like a monster.
If getting sick restored one of my powers, then maybe getting even sicker will bring back all of them.
And then Horace an clear me for battle.
As a medical professional, I must advise against that.
But as Alan, I say go for it.
Oh, Uncle Horace.
I discovered a medical miracle.
I restored Skylar's power of flight.
Well, that's stupendous, my boy, because the board of superhero trustees with a medical breakthrough, or they'll cut our budget.
For the record, I made this discovery all on my own.
It's something no one else has ever seen.
Amazing.
Because until now, the only way a superhero could restore their powers was as a side effect of the normo flu, but everyone knows that.
That's not what this is, right? Because you'd have to be an idiot to think that was a medical breakthrough.
Of course it's not that! You know, you seem busy.
Why don't we hold off on my discovery until, say, one of us dies, hopefully you first? Nonsense.
I'll carve out some time about historical, not-time-wasting breakthrough.
Neocortex is fading fast.
We've got to do something.
I know.
Let's get his autograph now, before it's too late.
Wait.
I have a better idea.
I'll do what my dad does every morning to wake me up.
I made blueberry pancakes.
Nothing.
This isn't working.
Two Kazes are not better than one.
The nuclear reactor in his brain is hyper-stimulated.
He's going to explode.
And if he does, he'll take out the whole hospital.
We cannot let that happen because I am having a great hair day.
If we're gonna figure out a way to cure him, we need a Kaz and an Oliver.
And since neocortex can't change you back to normal, I'm going to have to turn myself into you.
I'm going to have to do what I do worst.
Use your brain? Exactly.
Okay, I just got to think like you.
Okay, I'm Oliver.
I'm no fun.
I read and obey signs.
I use the microwave as a microwave, instead of a ka-boom box.
Check it out, I'm a Turkey.
Oliver, quit Kazzing around.
Wait, do you realize what this means? I'm you and you're me.
We can be a team again.
All right, think of everything you know about neocortex starting with his very first comic book.
"Neocortex comics, issue one, copyright Okay, it's a very simple plan.
We just have to convince my Uncle Horace that you're not sick, and that I restored your power.
And this makeup should sell the illusion that you're healthy.
Perfect.
Uncle Horace: Alan? Here comes my Uncle Horace.
Remember.
Eyes open wide.
Big smiles.
No vomit.
All right, Alan, let's see whoa, Skylar.
Very nice.
It's about time you used a little makeup.
Was that a sneeze? No, she just said, ah-choo impressed by Alan's miracle cure? Look at you.
You're shivering.
No, this is just a new dance.
It's called the Philadelphia shake.
The Philadelphia shake? Please.
The Philadelphia shake is more like this.
See? The hips? All right, continue with your presentation, Alan.
As you can see, I've restored Skylar's ability to fly, thanks to my miracle cure of poultry-based water stock with doses of Hebrew balls of grain.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say you just had the normo flu.
I'm going to take your temperature to be sure.
Hmm.
Looks like you don't have a fever.
But according to this, you've been deceased for 3 days.
But Skylar's clearly just experiencing a side effect from the normo flu.
Her power's temporary.
Who cares? Just certify me to fight.
Sorry, I can't.
I can fight.
I just oh, doc.
Alan, I'm very disappointed.
You lied to me and encouraged Skylar to endanger her health.
On the bright side, it looks like she's just asleep, which is a big improvement from your last three patients.
Well thanks for nothing! I don't care what Horace says.
I want my powers back.
Get me sicker.
I will lick the doorknob in a bus station.
As much as I like watching you struggle, maybe being a healthy normo is better than being a sick hero.
You're probably right.
But I will get my powers back someday.
You'll find some way to impress your Uncle.
Thanks.
And thank you for being a really bad doctor when I needed one.
Hey, that's what I do.
And in issue 471, neocortex scrambled the brain of the black falcon, who fell into a bottomless pit and was killed.
Or was he? So there's nothing in the entire neocortex chronicles to help us.
Wait.
He guest-starred in issue 27 of syphonix.
Vanquisher blasted neocortex with a pulsar beam, which started a chain reaction in neocortex's brain.
But syphonix saved neocortex by draining the excess energy from neocortex's brain and discharging it into deep space.
But syphonix can't help us because he was killed in a landslide.
Or was he? He was.
Or was he? Either way, he's not here.
So we need to figure out a way to drain some power from neocortex's brain before he explodes.
I got it.
The defibrillator? You're gonna give him more power? No.
Surge, I need you to reverse the polarity of these paddles.
You're going to blow up the whole hospital.
Clear.
Why is he levitating? Maybe that's what people do before they explode.
Now what? Kaz, give me that trampoline.
Yes.
Okay, wait.
Why am I giving you a trampoline? Time to get leap-before-I-looky.
It worked.
Oliver out.
Man.
Is that what I'm like? Because viewed from the outside, it's not so pretty.
What happened? Uh, nothing.
You know, I can read your holy cow.
You almost killed me.
And no, you cannot have my autograph.
Man, I hate to say it, but I miss the old Oliver.
So do I.
Being like you is exhausting.
Can you switch my personality back to the way it was? Oh, you're not kidding? You really want that personality back? You read minds.
What am I thinking right now? That you still want my autograph.
I really do.
Forget it.
But I will change you back.
I don't feel any different.
I wonder if it worked.
Yeah, it worked.
Now I need to stop thinking like you and go back to being me.
Okay, I'm Kaz.
I have over 300 dollars in overdue library books, I touch things even though Oliver tells me not to, I get distracted easily, I ooh, a feather.
Boys, turns out there was a mix-up with the previous staff rankings.
But on the bright side, someone's gonna get fired, so more drama.
I knew there was a mistake.
Patients love me.
What was I, first? Second? No, you and Kaz were tied for tenth.
Turns out Dr.
levine came in first.
What? Who's Dr.
levine?