Night Court (1984) s01e12 Episode Script

- Any sign of Bull yet? - Not yet.
I'm getting worried.
He missed half of the session and there's still no word from him.
- No answer at his home either.
Your Honor, what do you think is going on with him? He's been late for work four days in a row.
He looks like he hasn't slept in a month.
Maybe he's holding down a second job.
Could be right.
Could certainly explain his behavior.
But what kind of a job could be taking so much out of him? Oh, ship's anchor, Little League backstop, that sort of thing.
- Dan.
- Maybe he just pulls people around in hansom cabs when the horses get tired.
I don't think that's very funny.
I mean, if the poor guy's got money problems he's probably very depressed.
He doesn't have that same sparkle in his eyes anymore.
Yeah, and the zip's kind of gone out of his lumbering.
Maybe he's sick.
He looks it.
There he is.
Hey, Bull, over here! Ever see Night of the Living Dead? Okay, so he's a little cranky.
Somebody's gotta talk to him.
I'll do it.
Oh, just kidding.
Just kidding.
- Only one more case, Your Honor.
- Fine.
Sir I realize I've only been here one week, but - How am I doing? - Have you killed anyone yet? - No, sir.
- Then you're doing fine.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Bull.
Bull.
Behind you.
- Bull, how are you feeling? - I'm tired, Harry.
Very tired.
Bull, we are in court.
You might wanna call me judge.
- What did I call you? - "Harry.
" Bull.
Bull, listen to me: We're all real concerned about you, because, quite frankly you've been acting strange lately.
- More so than usual, Your Honor? You've been late all week, you missed half of the session tonight and when you're here, you're not here.
- What's going on? - Nothing.
Bull, just between us, would a loan be in order? - How much do you need? - No.
I meant I would loan you money.
I just wanna help you out of this problem that's affecting your work.
It won't affect my work anymore, sir.
I assure you.
- Bull, as a friend, I'm concerned - I just assured you.
You don't wanna talk about it? Fine.
You don't have to.
Resume your duties.
I'm going to go over there now and stand.
Commence standing.
Your Honor, did you find out anything? Yeah.
What's the abominable Boy Scout up to now? Can we get on with the case and get out of here? Right away.
Mr.
Reynolds.
Reynolds, Guy T.
629 Bleecker Street.
May I remove my coat, Your Honor? - Sure.
- No! - Miss Williams? - Your Honor, the charge.
"Indecent exposure.
" You almost got me on that one, didn't you, Mr.
Reynolds? That charge is ridiculous, Your Honor.
I'm not a pervert.
I'm a nudist.
All right, that's enough.
Mr.
Reynolds, what you do in the privacy of your own home is one thing but what you do at the Chock Full o'Nuts at Fourth and Lexington is quite another.
That was the point, Your Honor.
To bring the subject out into the open.
Discuss it, create a forum.
Your Honor, what Mr.
Reynolds apparently created was a stampede when he stood atop the coffee counter, disrobed and sang, "Hey, Look Me Over.
" Don't you see? Our clothing inhibits us, people.
Nudity allows us to be open to each other.
Great little icebreaker, no doubt.
But, Mr.
Reynolds quite frankly, I don't wanna know you that well.
All I can say is, if you don't go nude, you're missing a wonderful experience.
It's It's indescribable.
Well, I'm gonna describe it as a Class A misdemeanor and I'm gonna fine you $ 160.
And if there's any further - Oh, mercy! - Bull! - What happened? - He fell asleep.
Then he fell over.
How could anybody fall asleep standing on their feet like that? - Same principle as with livestock.
- Bull.
Bull! - He's out like a light.
- You better check under him for survivors.
- Let's get him into your office.
- We should cover him up.
- Oh, here.
Use my coat.
- No! Thanks for giving us a hand with Bull.
We really needed the help.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You might wanna see a doctor about that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Right.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thank you very much.
- What? Where? - It's okay, Bull.
You just fell asleep.
You're in my office.
We're all here: Selma, Charlie, Liz And Toto too.
Remember what he did to the candy machine? You guys need anything while we're out? No? Okay, listen, hey, take care, big guy.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Don't lie to me.
Come on.
Not in front of everybody.
Bull, I know that your private life is just that: It's private.
But when you've got a problem interfering with your job l'd like to know what's wrong.
Answer him.
Listen, everybody.
I appreciate your concern, I really do.
But it's something I don't wanna talk about now.
Can't you understand that? Bull, it's true I don't know you very well and Well, maybe it's not my place but I find that when I have a problem, sometimes it really lifts my spirits just to do something nice for myself like have a manicure, buy a new dress have my hair done.
I'll just get that.
I hate to keep pressing the point, but until I find out what's going on l'm afraid I might - Bull? It's for you.
What? I'll be right there.
I gotta go home.
Bull, get back here until I'm finished talking! Your Honor, I can't! My baby needs me! Baby? Did he say "baby"? If some girl got him in trouble, she's gonna answer to me.
I wonder which one is Bull's.
No, let me guess.
- Who is it? - Harry.
- Go away.
- Open up before I kick it in.
Yes, ma'am.
Come in.
My, what a proportionate place you have.
I decorated it myself.
Very Beefy.
Bull, what is this about a baby? Baby? Did I mention a baby? That darn cat.
- Bull.
- He's right over here.
His name's Ernie.
Bull, where did that baby come from? You don't know where babies come from? You know what I mean.
I mean, whose baby is it? - A friend's.
- Bull.
A friend asked me to watch him while she went on a job interview.
- When was that? - Friday.
- That was five days ago.
- Yeah.
- She abandoned this child, didn't she? - She did not abandon the child.
Bull, you listen to me - Now look what you've done.
- Come on.
I didn't do anything.
He's hungry.
I gotta go get some food at the corner store.
You guys watch him, okay? I don't know nothing about watching no babies.
The only thing domestic about me is my perfume.
I'll go to the store.
What do you need? Just some baby food.
Assorted vegetables, fruits, that kind of thing.
I'll be right back.
I gotta go warm his formula.
Watch him, Your Honor.
- Bull, he's crying.
- Perhaps he needs to be changed.
Yeah.
That's it, all right.
- Then change him.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding.
The stuff's there on the table by the lamp.
- No, Bull.
I don't think I can.
- He's helpless, Your Honor.
Guilt.
Good move.
Okay, what's first? - Take off the soiled diaper.
- Yeah, I saw that coming.
Okay, Ernie.
I'm just gonna undo these pins and we'll Oh, my God.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it! Hamper, near the table! - You all right, judge? - Yeah.
What's next? See the Didie Wipes? - Yeah.
- Take one.
What now? Clean the baby with it.
Powder his bottom, affix the new diaper, and you're done.
Powder his bottom affix the new diaper, and I'm done.
Okay.
Clean the baby.
Powder his bottom.
Oh, there you are.
Okay.
Affix a new diaper.
Okay, Ernie.
I think we got it here.
One.
And two.
How'd I do? You attached him to the mattress, Your Honor.
Boy, does this bring back memories.
I haven't bought strained peas since 1966.
- Oh, yeah? Who was the little critter? - Dad.
Come on, little munchkin.
Chow time.
Bull, we've gotta talk about that child.
- There's nothing to talk about.
- Bull - Get that, would you, Your Honor? - Yeah.
Sure.
- Hi, gang.
- I can't wait to see his bath towels.
Guys, I'm afraid we have a real problem in there.
Charlie said something about a baby.
Bull's neighbor left her baby with him while she went off to a job interview.
That was five days ago, and she hasn't been back since.
- She abandoned it.
- Right.
But Mr.
Mary Poppins in there won't believe it.
- Company.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
My, my.
This is very nice.
Hey, would you look at this? He's got cable.
- Oh, look at the baby.
- How sweet.
Is it a him or a her? Him.
Ernie.
- Bull, it's beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Have a seat, everybody.
- Thanks.
- What's the matter? - Your sofa's a little hard.
It's concrete.
I made it myself.
Durable, inexpensive, easy to patch.
He's got a 16-slice toaster out there.
- Where? - Over there, just left of the grain elevator.
Dan, please.
It's time we discussed the child.
- Oh, Dan, isn't he beautiful? - Yeah, dandy.
What's out here? - The patio.
- Yeah? Great view.
- These girders are the - Train tracks.
Close to transportation.
Good move.
Close the door.
Ernie's very susceptible to drafts.
Bull, I'm afraid that Ernie is susceptible to more than just drafts.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Bull, his mother isn't coming back.
What's the matter with you people? How could anybody possibly abandon a helpless little guy like this? Bull, you You work in a courtroom.
You see this all the time.
There are desperate, emotionally stressed people capable of doing things they would not do if they were healthy.
That goes for me too.
- What's that? - What's what? - I hear it too.
- Is it thunder? That rumbling? That's just a train.
- Dan? - Did I mention the door sticks? Oh, Dan! Are you all right?! I think I swallowed my eyes.
No.
They're still there.
- Bathroom.
- Down the hall.
I'm fine.
Thanks, Liz.
Doesn't that train noise affect the baby? No, he's used to it.
- Mary's apartment's just down the hall.
- Is that his mother? - Yep.
- Bull, Mary is not coming back.
Your Honor, I know this woman.
And I know she's coming back.
All right.
Suppose for a moment that she isn't.
Then what? Then I Then you'll what? You're gonna go on with this for 18 years? What do you want me to do? I'll make out a court order, and we'll contact the proper authorities.
If he's going on a trip I better get Mr.
Boogee.
- Who? - His teddy bear.
He won't leave home without it.
- Where is it? - Mary's place.
- I got a key to her apartment here.
- Give it to me.
I'll go.
Around the corner, number two.
Mr.
Boogee's in the playpen.
I'll be right back.
I'm going in the kitchen to have a cigarette.
Let the kid learn his bad habits in school, like everybody else.
- Dan, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
You have gotta see that tub.
Bull, the life preserver, that's for guests, right? Oh, no.
If this were a banana, I'd be dead.
What are you doing? What are you doing by that door? Nothing.
L I'm just looking for a friend.
I'm just Mr.
Boogee.
Hi, Mary.
Actually, I prefer cloth diapers to the other products if I have the time.
Although other mothers may tell you different.
Bull, I ran into a friend of yours.
Mary.
Hi, Bull.
How is? - How is? - Look who's here.
He was right.
She came back.
He believed in her.
Till a year ago, he believed in the Easter Bunny.
- I guess I should start with thank you.
- No problem.
Although I was starting to get a little worried.
Well, not real worried, but I was wondering if something happened to you.
No, nothing happened.
I just got a little lost for a while.
Where do you get lost for six days? In here.
I really did go for that job interview like I said.
But then after that I don't know.
I just kept going.
Running, I guess.
I mean Sometimes it's tough enough just trying to take care of yourself, much less Well, you know.
- Being a mother is not an easy job.
- Tell me about it.
But I started to realize, "What am I doing?" And then I got ashamed because I'd left him.
And that made it even harder to come back.
But I wanted to be with him.
L I wanted to say to him: "I'm sorry, Ernie.
" I wanted to hug him and just say: "I love you very, very much.
" I told him for you.
But what happens if he grows up and finds out that l? That you got delayed? So what? We all get delayed sometime.
- Don't we, Your Honor? - All the time.
- You're a judge? - Yeah, I am.
Am I going to be arrested? It's not actually abandonment, since you did leave him in someone's custody, but - She'll stay with him, Your Honor.
- I will.
Believe me, I will.
I know she will.
Just like I knew she'd come back.
Yeah, you did.
Can I go now? I don't see why not.
Thank you, Bull.
I wish Ernie had had a father just like you.
Mary? If you ever start to get lost again give me a call.
I know a couple of shortcuts out of here.
I will.
So long, squirt.
Bull.
Did he say? His first word, yeah.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Come on, everybody.
Let's go and let this boy get some sleep.
- Good night, Bull.
- Come on, gang.
Good night, Bull.
Take it easy, Bull.
- Hey, wait a minute.
- Your head! Watch out! You Listen.
I just want to thank you all for being concerned about me.
- I really appreciate it.
- Hey.
- Good night.
- Good night.
That is pretty clever.
Let's go get some coffee.
I got to tell you about his toilet seat.