No Tomorrow (2016) s01e12 Episode Script
No Time Like the Present
1 I'm Xavier, with an "X.
" I gotta live life while I can.
- What does that mean? - Humankind only has eight months and 12 days left on Earth.
- You're serious? - Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
This is my apocalyst.
This is every last thing I want to do before things go kaput.
- (Xavier whooping) - (Squealing happily) Previously on No Tomorrow Oh! Oh, there's a big story here.
The math isn't your story.
This Xavier guy is.
So you just you just want a a hit piece? XAVIER: Tyra DeNeil Fields is the most popular astrophysicist in the world.
She's just the sort of person who could not only validate my theory, but alert the general public.
Can you toss this for me, please? I've decided to put all my money in space tourism.
Yeah! If that thing is coming, then I've got to find a way to stop it, because I want to spend a lifetime with you.
Choose carefully, we're getting close to the end.
Every move you make is crucial.
You're not getting into my head, Covington.
And that's how it's done.
- Okay.
- (Nervous chuckles) XAVIER (in distance): Bollocks! (Gasps) How's it going? No matter how I simulate a solution missile strike, solar sails, kinetic interceptors (sighs) the asteroid still comes crashing into Earth.
Well, you want to maybe switch gears for a bit? Our Iceland trip is in three days, and we have a ton to plan.
You know, hotels, landmarks we want to see, caribou rides we want to take.
I need to finish this test set, all right? Can we make plans to make plans tomorrow? Sure.
You know, I wanted you to start thinking about the future, and now you are.
Mwah.
- I'll see you later.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay - (Door closes) (Computer beeping) Come on, miss, miss, miss.
- Miss! - (Computer alarm beeping) No, no, no, no.
Aw, come on! - (Buzzer sounding) - (Shouts in frustration) Hey, what's going on? Cory Casey's here.
Apparently he's got some big, exciting news.
(Dramatic music playing) (Music stops) Oh, salutations, Cybermart-ians of the Seattle branch.
I am so excited to be with you all on this beautiful Monday to share with you the news that you all are going on an amazing adventure! - Whoo! - (Other exclaiming) Because we're dissolving this branch of Cybermart, and absorbing its modest resources elsewhere.
All of you are being reassigned to other branches.
So pack up all those big bags of enthusiasm and all your personal belongings, 'cause you'll need to be out of here by the end of the week.
Uh, branch reassignments are posted, and decisions are final, so don't come and talk to me about it.
Adventure (Chuckles) awaits! You're reassigning me to Phoenix? That's close to the Sunset Crater volcano.
The government claims it's not gonna erupt, but I don't want to take that chance.
Detroit? I can't go to Michigan.
That state's shaped like a mitten.
It's way too adorable.
Tacoma! But th-that's That's only 30 miles from here, actually.
But no, it's gonna add a solid 20 minutes to my commute.
40, if you count there and back.
But whatever, no, we have to fix this.
We can't just let them split us up.
I bet Deirdre can help us.
(Blender whirring) Well, this is troubling.
I cannot help you.
I was informed of the branch closing mere minutes before you.
I'm getting shipped off to Siberia.
What?! Siberia? Like, actual Russian Siberia? The village of Yakutsk.
You may know it by its nickname, "the coldest city on Earth"? Hmm? Anyway, Phoenix, Detroit, Yakutsk.
We're all getting rogered on this one.
Well all except Evie.
The Getters & Givers program has done so well that she's getting a title bump and a raise.
- I am? - DEIRDRE: Yes.
And they will expect you to hit the ground running, so your vacation will have to wait till next year.
Wait, really? Welcome to life as a manager.
I would like to be alone now.
(Door closes) Siberia? It's an undeniable blow to our recently reignited love fire.
I've tried long-distance before with the guitarist from Tonic during their '90s tour with Smash Mouth.
It didn't end well.
Distance is what tore my parents apart.
They both worked for my uncle's cruise line on different ships bad deal.
And one of them always had norovirus.
A 41-hour plane ride will be a formidable sex moat.
In the beginning, we'll call each other every night.
Then it's every other night.
Soon, it's once a week.
Then the visits get further and further apart.
Eventually, we'll be visiting each other once a year in the summer.
There is no summer in Yakutsk.
There's only a fall and three winters.
JESSE: This day is a real turd.
First, I burned a batch of Kopi Luwak at Murray's, and now we're out of Possum Puffs.
Hang on.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
If we launch a shuttle with two ion-beam shepherds in exactly 11 days (Beeping) Moment of truth.
Oh, the suspense is killing me.
(Beeps) - I've done it.
- (Chimes) I've done it.
I've figured out a way to divert the asteroid.
I knew you could do it, cuz.
I always believed in you, man.
Let's go celebrate.
Can we check out that new fondue place, Cheese Louise? Celebrate? Are you kidding? We've got 11 days to save the world.
- We don't have a moment to waste.
- Right.
Cancel fondue.
Copy that.
Uh, what's our next move? We're gonna need a lot of money.
Uh, we can crowdfund it.
I'll start a campaign online.
How much money do you need? $1.
5 billion.
HANK: That's a lot of dough.
It's a deep-dish pizza.
I figured I'd get accustomed to Midwestern cuisine.
They didn't have any funnel cakes or cheese curds, so EVIE: I still can't believe this.
There must be something we can do.
What if you all quit Cybermart and found new jobs in Tacoma? (Chuckles) In this job market? I still have survivalist school loans.
Yeah, and if I was suddenly unemployed, it would send up a major red flag for the INS.
I can't risk Sofia's green card.
And I could never quit Cybermart.
It's the first and only place that recognized my innate gift for leadership.
I believe it is my destiny to replace Casey Cory in the event of his untimely death.
I can't give that up.
Even if it means losing something very meaningful and moving to a place one guide book described as "an unyielding landscape of frozen doom.
" We can't just let them fork us like this! This is my office, damn it! Evie, this is the cafeteria.
No, I mean, this is my community.
Well, we all feel like this is a community, but you know The TV shows.
I always imagined that someday I'd have my own fun place full of lovable characters who know each other inside and out.
I always liked News Radio.
Look, Cory said the decisions were final.
There's nothing we can do.
Unless the Tacoma branch is magically struck by the plague, and our positions open up there, it's hopeless.
Wait.
Now, that is a good idea.
The plague! Not impossible, but releasing trained rats is never as simple as it seems.
Not the plague, the part about creating job openings at the Tacoma branch.
What if we find your counterparts there and convince them to quit? By making them think like they're gonna get the plague! Using their minds against them.
No.
Look, everyone has a secret passion, right? Something they've always wanted to pursue.
Well, if we can find out what that thing is for those three people, we can get them new jobs that involve those passions.
And then they'll quit.
And then we won't even have to mention the plague.
And then maybe we can stay together.
EVIE: And they'll all achieve their dreams.
It's a win-win-win-win (quietly): win-win-win win-win-win! (Laughs) I've got two killer T-shirt designs for the crowdfunding campaign.
Which one do you think? Oh, uh, your call, cuz.
Can you believe they just gave me the employee list for the Tacoma branch, just because I said I was bad with names? Ha.
I am great with names.
By the way, sorry, again, for pushing our Iceland trip.
Evie, it's all good.
I've got work to do anyway.
Right.
Back to it, then.
Scrooge you, Cory Casey.
I'm not letting some eccentric billionaire break up News Radio.
Wait a second.
A crazed billionaire involved in space tourism.
Evie, is there any chance you can get me a meeting with this guy? Get in line.
He was hard to pin down before he closed the Seattle branch.
Now he doesn't want to hear from anyone until everyone's been transferred.
Jesse, how much have we raised so far? Like, $74.
12.
But minus the cost of these T-shirts, so, like, negative $11.
Well, I still have the money I made from the Nap Sack.
I can use that.
Use that for what? HANK: Thanks for the lift.
When I'm stressed, my driving gets a little erratic.
(Tires screech, horns blaring) This reassignment got me all twisted.
I can't live in the desert.
You know, those hills have eyes.
- Big, creepy eyes.
- And? - And I can't lose Deirdre again.
- There it is.
My only hope is that Evie's plan comes together Okay.
You know what? Um I would just really appreciate you not using the "E" word around me.
All my big top words have "E" in them.
Like, Easter, eagle eagles.
- Evie.
That "E" word.
- Oh.
I still believe that our timing will line up eventually, but for now, I just want to focus on my work, you know? Becoming a real force in the world of journalism.
Oh! - Like Hunter S.
Finger! - What? - Yeah! - Aah! - Watch out! - Come on, come on, - (Laughs) - come on, come on.
But yes.
Exactly.
That's right, T-stop.
You've been wasting too much time getting mixed up with that Covington woman.
And that Xavier man.
Okay.
Uh, you know what? Let's just lose the "X" word, while we're at it.
I never want to hear that name ever again.
MAN: Xavier Holliday.
They want to run the story you wrote on him in next week's issue.
Uh, yeah.
That was a hit piece.
Uh, so Marlo and I had an agreement that we weren't gonna run it.
WOMAN: Marlo's undercover in Honduras.
She won't be back for months.
I'm Talia Chevalier, the new editor in chief.
Marlo told me all about you.
She said you were "solid wood" and then she punched me hard in the thigh.
Do you have any idea what she meant by that? I, uh No.
Not really.
I loved your piece on this Xavier guy.
He is a model of the typical post-election American.
Totally terrified that the end of the world is coming via a fiery orange nightmare barreling straight toward us.
But we need a legitimate scientist to officially debunk his asteroid calculations.
Uh, yeah.
It it might be tough to find somesoe qualified on such short notice.
I have someone.
Tyra DeNeil Fields.
Uh.
(Chuckles softly) You You know Tyra DeNeil Fields? Yeah.
I wrote a profile on her for Scientific American a few years back.
We've been friends ever since.
DEIRDRE: Wow.
Amazing.
This place looks completely different.
One vending machine, and two microwaves? This will take some getting used to.
EVIE: All right.
Our objective is to seek out the other people who hold your jobs, uncover their true passions, and convince them to quit.
Won't people think it's weird if we're just wandering around, showing random interest in people's lives? Not to worry.
(Chuckles) See, that's Craig.
He's head of HR.
I told him all four of us were shadowing for the week, to see how other branches work.
Deirdre, your target is Debbie Meyers, the Tacoma branch manager.
She has an affinity for sea otters, and her celebrity crush is Josh Groban.
- John Grabun.
- EVIE: Kareema, you'll talk to the lead customer service rep, Carrie Batra.
For some reason, she's not on any social networking sites.
- Cyberghost.
- Cyberghost.
Hank and I will talk to Frank Buckman, quality control manager.
According to his profile page, he's into whittling and making his own salmon jerky.
I know a thing or two about both salmon jerky and interrogation techniques.
I'll be able to resist his resistance if he's resistant.
Okay.
We can do this.
I know it.
Okay.
News Radio on three.
Huh No.
It's probably an overreach.
So Totally.
I get it.
It's cool.
Thank you for sitting down with us, - Frank - (Buzzes sound) - Hey, Frank.
- Hi.
Really wanted to give you this bag of salmon jerky.
Well, that would be swell Yeah.
But my partner won't let me.
Wait.
That's not true.
- What Evie! - What? What I'm the good cop, you're the bad cop.
Why do I have to be the bad cop? - Okay, fine.
We'll switch.
- Okay.
Do you ever want to see your family again, Frank? Okay.
No.
Wait, wait.
Why are we doing good cop, bad cop? Okay, 'cause I'm trying to build a rapport with him so that he can divulge his innermost secrets to us.
Okay.
Why don't we just ask him? Fine.
We'll ask him.
Uh, do you have a hobby or activity that you love, something you wish you could devote more of your life to? Well, actually, I do have a passion for candle making.
Candle making.
(Chuckles) FRANK: Yeah.
I started making them in the event of a power grid failure.
But then I just fell in love with the process.
You know, started adding scents.
(Gasps) This one's called Nature's Medley.
What-what part of nature? It's delightful! FRANK: Oh! Well, take it with you.
I got a hundred of those babies at home.
I tried selling them, but no luck.
Artisanal candle market is a cutthroat business.
XAVIER: I don't think this is gonna work.
Sure it will.
His regular driver said Cory Casey will walk out of these doors at 9:26 a.
m.
exactly.
So And he doesn't make eye contact, so he's not gonna even notice you're a different guy.
Is that the only intel you've got? Yeah.
Bribery rates have greatly outpaced inflation.
(Exhales) Plus, if things start going south with this dude, you always got this.
Horse tranquilizer? Yeah.
Better than chloroform.
You can slip those bad boys into anything food, water, pillboxes.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, sell gold, buy latex.
And, uh, oh.
And tell Gigi and Bella I can't make it to Burning Man.
Right.
Well, I-I know they're gonna be disappointed, it's disappointing.
You're not the other guy.
No.
I'm the new guy.
Nap Sack guy.
Yeah, well, uh - I can explain that - No, no, no.
No need to explain.
That you had to get a job as a chauffeur because you blew all your money on something dumb.
Let's hope you're wrong.
So, we discovered Frank's passion, but I'm not sure how much help it's gonna be.
How did you guys do? I had a social interaction with Deborah, and I can say, unequivocally, the woman is a complete nightmare.
Hi! DEIRDRE: Oh, God! All right.
Um Kareema, how'd it go with Carrie? Not great.
She might be a ninja.
Oh, well.
Not the best first day, but we will keep at it.
Oh, maybe this thing smells better lit.
DEIRDRE: Evie, I recognize your aim is noble, but I wonder if your plan might be unachievable.
She's right.
We only have a few more days left here.
I should be looking for leather bars in Detroit.
Oh.
Come on, you guys.
We can't give up.
We've just had a few setbacks.
(Groans) (Coughs) HANK: Oh, man! That smells like the elephant room in the zoo.
I can't eat now.
- You're not the only one.
- HANK: Oh! I can't even stress eat around that thing.
If only I had that candle six years ago when I divorced Pete, or three years ago, when I divorced Pete.
I know how we can help Frank.
CORY: So I told Musk to stop thinking small.
Forget electric cars, how about electric streets? Oh, oh.
Hang Hang on, I got to take this.
- (Beeps) - Hello? Hello.
I just I just said hello.
- (Beeps) - Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Okay.
I think I just tushie-dialed myself.
Mr.
Casey, I know that you're a very busy man, but I wonder if I could have just have a moment of your time - (Beeps) - CORY: Aaron Dubonski! Doobey! Hey! Yeah, well, when you watch my new shuttle Loretta arc into the stratosphere, you'll wish you had come work for me, but no, no, no.
You got to impress your parents and pick NASA, right? (Cory chuckles) Hey, uh, Sack guy.
Turn down Winter Street, please.
My GPS says that Plymouth is faster.
Yeah, I appreciate your input, but I always take Winter.
CORY: Doobey, you want to hang on a second? Mr.
Casey, look, I know you're a very busy man, but I have something to discuss that I think is gonna be of massive interest Slow down.
Don't say another word.
CORY: Doobey, you still there? All right, so what is the budget over at NASA these days, is it $14? Hello, Ms.
Fields, this is Timothy L.
Finger from ImPropaganda.
Talia Chevalier suggested I reach out.
Why'd you say her name like that? - What? - (Lusty): Talia Chevalier.
You got a thing for her? What? No.
I Um, I-I'm writing an article on a man who has a very controversial theory that falls within your area of expertise.
I was hoping you could just take a look at it.
Check the math.
Well, my schedule is pretty packed, but for Talia Chevalier, I'll try to figure something out.
No promises.
Oh, and, Finger? Good luck.
She's a tough catch.
(Chuckles softly) I'd like this lady to be fleshed out a little bit more.
We need to XAVIER: This is promising.
I mean, it's almost too perfect.
The guy was talking to a friend of his at NASA today.
Then why beat around the bush, cuz? Just lock the doors and lay it on him.
No, what I need to do is ingratiate myself with him, gain his trust.
That way he'll want to listen to me.
(Xavier exhales) This house is the key to it all.
Come on.
Hi.
Um, my name's Xavier Holliday.
I was I was wondering if you know Cory Casey? Is she an Alpha Pi? Um No, more like an alpha guy.
MAN (calling): Dude, these pizza bagels are cold! I got to go.
Good luck finding that chick.
It's 'cause you didn't preheat the oven! You got to pre-heat the oven! I don't know about you, but now I'm craving pizza bagels.
Yep.
(Exhales) Dude.
Loretta.
(Whispers): Loretta.
Dude.
Cory Casey's naming his new space shuttle Loretta.
This can't be a coincidence.
EVIE: Your passion - is candle making, right, Frank? - Yeah.
Unfortunately, your candles smell like a Dumpster filled with other, smaller, but equally pungent Dumpsters.
HANK: Luckily, there's a beneficial side effect.
It kills your appetite.
So, we decided to use that as a selling tool.
I give you: Diet Candles! "The candles that melt away fat!" I built the site last night.
You already have 186 preorders at 20 bucks a pop.
A hundred and eighty six? If I keep this pace up, I'd make more than I do here.
- I could - HANK: Uh-huh.
Follow your passion full-time? And quit my job and start my own business.
- (Laughs) - Well, one down, two to go.
- Phew.
- Boo Yah.
Okay, we got Hank a spot, so we're down to two targets.
Oh, hey, Craig.
Just over here shadowing.
Loving it.
Learning so much.
- Getting a lay of the land.
- Oh, man.
Look at all this land.
It's so outlandish.
Okay, we're on a roll, guys, so let's keep going.
Next up, Debbie and Carrie.
Whoo-hoo! It appears you're attracted to limbo.
- (Laughs) - What? Oh, no, I just put this together for the shipping department.
Really stretches their backs.
Nice one.
You're interested in my interests? Yeah.
Well, I don't really have any.
EVIE: Oh, come on, everybody has something that they're into.
Naked street luge, faking your own death, catfishing Bonnie Hunt.
You know, things people do for fun.
Competitive taxidermy, making your own sex furniture, selling actual grass to teenagers.
Giraffe mating videos, watching old people eat cheesecake, playing the nose flute, shaving men's backs, buying illegal fireworks, selling illegal fireworks, spitting off of tall buildings, drinking ketchup, come on, there has to be something.
Power thrusting, macaroni sex, Celtic thunderboarding, Embroidery? I-23.
Excuse me, please tell me you have a particular affection for bingo.
Oh, no, but the employees love it.
It's such a great way for them to unwind.
This is impossible.
All she does is organize things for other people.
N-42.
- Bingo! - CRAIG: Bingo! Do we have two winners? Mine was a just lightbulb moment.
I've got a plan.
I'm calling my uncle.
CORY: Well, I told him, second rule of fight club is bring snacks.
(Chuckles) I'll-I'll call you back.
(Beeps) XAVIER: You miss Loretta? How do you know about Loretta? Well, I know she used to live there and that she's the reason you drive down Winter Street every day.
She must've been someone important to you.
- - She was.
A long time ago.
Loretta lived in that house.
We were in love.
What happened? Cybermart happened.
People saw my genius and the business took off.
I let our relationship fall apart.
Why am I telling you this? Well, why not look her up, you know? Try and talk to her? What, so she can tell how, uh, perfect her life is without me? Husband, kids, two cats and a dog.
Why twist the knife? Better just to remember what we had.
Anyway, onward and upward.
(Sighs) (Liquid pouring) Hey, so Tyra said that she'll try and vet Xavier's theory by tomorrow, but she's pretty busy.
Might not hurt to have a backup.
This is a guy at the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena.
He owes me.
Cool.
Oh.
I'm also gonna need your cell phone number.
What for? Well, it would be weird to call your work phone to ask you out.
Are you hitting on me? Yes.
Your boss? At work? Correct.
All right.
Don't text me emojis or you're dead in the water.
Okay, catch you later, all right? Hey, um, - hi, excuse me.
- Hi.
(Gasps) I'm sorry, I thought that was my last meeting.
Are you here for a conference? Not exactly, um your name's Loretta Stevens, right? Yes.
And your child is? Cory Casey.
You can call us the fairy godmothers, because we just made another dream come true.
What? You got Debbie to quit? - (Softly): Yeah.
- Well, Deborah was so busy organizing fun things for other people, we didn't think she had time for her own passions.
Right? Yeah.
that's right, baby doll.
But organizing fun things for other people is her passion.
As soon as I realized that, I knew the perfect job for her.
"Cruise ship activities director.
" My uncle's gonna hook her up.
She can bring joy to others all day long for some reason.
- Two down, one to go! - (Chuckles) KAREEMA: I'm working on that.
I figure if Carrie's so boring during the day, she must get into something deviant and exciting at night.
So I found a way to keep track of her.
What way is that? I had Hank install a tracking device on her phone.
- You guys! - What? Listen, blondie, you want to play by the rules or you want to keep the gang together? Well, the second one.
- There it is.
- Hoorah.
- (Phone chimes) - Oh! Looks like the target's on the move.
We've been following her for over an hour and all she's done is get a plain bagel and buy stamps.
And now a barbershop? I don't want to watch this lady get a haircut.
Come on.
(Door bell jingles) Where'd she go? HANK: Maybe she's more than a cyberghost.
Maybe she's a ghost ghost.
Uh, excuse me, did you see a young woman come in here about 20 seconds ago? What's harder to catch the faster you run? HANK: I love riddles.
What's harder to catch the faster you run? Uh catch Your breath! Ooh! Oh, such a turn on.
(Hank laughs) (People chattering) Oh.
I don't see Carrie anywhere.
(People gasp) (Drumroll) (Stammers) DIERDRE: Craig? We are tonight's entertainment.
The Merry Magic Makers.
KAREEMA: Oh, that's her thing.
(Applause) - Wow.
- Wow.
No, it's in my left hand left hand drawer.
It's in the left hand drawer.
- Just look for it.
- (Phone chimes) (Tires squealing) Hey! We're going the wrong way! What are you doing? Where are you going? You know, I've been thinking a lot about taking chances recently.
Stop this car right now.
About having the courage to-to go for the long shot.
- What are you talking about? - I mean, haven't you ever wondered if Loretta Stevens has been thinking about you this whole time, too? - Eh, well - I mean, maybe she's still single - Wha? - and living in Seattle.
Maybe she'd love to grab a coffee with you, and catch up, and talk about old times.
In fact, maybe she rushed over here after school, got out just so she could come to this very cafe, and wait for you to walk in.
What on earth? I'm just trying to show you what happens if you take a chance on the long shot.
(Breathes sharply) Well, maybe maybe don't take the hoverboard, you know? - Use your legs.
- Right.
Right.
- - I got your note about some amazing opportunity.
We, uh, caught your performance at the club last night.
I see great promise in you.
And I should know.
As, years ago, I took David Copperfield as a lover.
- You did? - Yep, and she's still friends with him.
And I'm almost totally fine with that.
After your show last night, I made a call to Dave and, um, well, we talked about you.
And he has agreed to make you an apprentice.
You'd get to learn from the master.
Perform magic full-time.
Full-time? Yes.
No, thanks.
- But magic is your passion.
- No, it's not.
Do you like '90s rock? Because I have an in there, too.
Well, hold on, we walked through that big closet into the smoky club.
You were doing magic in front of all those people.
I don't love magic.
I love Craig.
I've had a thing for him ever since I started working here.
I kept hoping he'd notice me.
A couple months ago, he put out a flyer looking for someone to do magic with.
Now I spend two nights a week doing that stupid show.
But I get to be near Craig.
Even though I haven't told him how I feel yet.
Guess this means you're not leaving Cybermart anytime soon.
CARRIE: And leave Craig? Never.
Hey, Craig! Yo.
Hi.
You free for dinner tonight? Uh, yes, uh, yeah, I am free.
Yeah.
Great.
So is Carrie.
You two should go.
Oh.
I'd love that.
Me, too.
Really? Sometimes you got to take a leap.
Other times, you got to get pushed.
Yeah.
Totally.
- Bye.
Next week? - Yes.
- Bye.
- Bye.
(Laughs softly) That looked like it went well.
It couldn't have gone better.
We-we have an actual date next week.
I haven't been this excited about the future since Back to the Future.
Well, speaking of the future, um, there's something I'd like to discuss with you.
EVIE: I can't believe we're really leaving.
- Finished.
- KAREEMA: I hate packing.
You know, it was really sweet, what you did for Carrie.
Yeah, well, I figured somebody should get what they wanted today.
EVIE: I feel awful.
If only we had more time.
KAREEMA: Let's get Deirdre and head to the bar.
Days like this were invented for booze.
You know what, why don't you guys go ahead, I'll just I'll catch up.
(Giggles) TIMOTHY: You okay? Hey.
What are you doing here? I was supposed to pick up Hank from work today.
He just left with Deirdre.
They're celebrating their move to Tacoma.
Mm.
Well, I'm glad those two are gonna make it.
Yeah.
Me, too.
How you doing? With the branch closing and everything.
Not great.
I helped all these people go after their dreams this week and I just keep putting off mine.
Well, you shouldn't.
You should be bold.
I've been trying it out and so far, so good.
ImPropaganda is gonna run the article I wrote on Xavier next week.
What? As part of the fact-checking, we sent his theory to Tyra DeNeil Fields.
And she just got back to me.
You should take a look at her response.
The asteroid is real and it's coming.
But with your help, we can stop it.
Well, that's completely insane.
However, a lot of people used to say that my ideas were insane.
All right, this is a restaurant in Houston.
The head of NASA is going to have dinner there tomorrow, but his dinner date is gonna cancel.
You'll show up instead and present your theory.
This is amazing.
Thank you.
H-how do you know his his dinner date's gonna cancel, though? The dinner date was me.
Give Doobey my best.
(Laughs softly) There you are.
You're two "wodkas" behind.
Sorry I'm late, but I've got great news.
I got you a job at the Tacoma branch! What? How? I mean, what? How? You're gonna be running the Getters & Givers program.
But, that's your job.
Not anymore.
I just quit.
(Laughs) HANK: What? You quit? EVIE: Yes and it was the right decision.
Look at what you did this week.
Staying up all night to build Frank a Web site, setting up Carrie and Craig.
You didn't just do those things to open up a position, you did them because you like helping people.
Okay, that's gross.
Kareema, as much as you try to deny it, it's your passion.
It's number four on your apocalyst, right after (whispers): "sex on a ski lift".
I can't let you do this.
It's already done.
HANK: Wow! Are your tear ducts functional? It appears so.
If you tell anyone I cried about this, I will cut you.
I will cut all of you.
- (Clears throat) - HANK: Oh - Oh - No, get off of me now.
- Stop it.
- (Evie laughing) Stop touching me.
My happy heart Yeah-ah.
- Oh.
- Oh, hello there.
Fantastic, you're back.
Sorry, I didn't know exactly what to pack, so I just grabbed a little of everything.
You have a ton of beanies.
Pack? For Iceland.
I never cancelled our tickets.
We can make it if we hurry.
I thought you couldn't get time off work.
Well, that was before I quit my job.
You quit your job? The northern lights will only be at peak visibility for a few more days this year, and I've always wanted to see them.
So have you, so, let's go! I am taking the leap.
Evie, I can't go.
Why not? Because I finally just got Cory Casey's attention.
He's putting me in touch with the head of NASA.
I'm going to Houston tomorrow.
You don't need to go to Houston.
(Sighs) Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Timothy gave your theory to Tyra DeNeil Fields.
He was fact-checking it for his article.
This is her response.
You were wrong, Xavier.
This can't be.
Tyra was the one person in the whole world you trusted to look at this.
And now she has and she says it's wrong.
It doesn't make any sense.
I know it must be hard to hear, I know how much time you've put into this.
But it doesn't mean you're wrong about the way you live your life.
Can't you see, this is good news.
She must have made a mistake.
No, Xavier, please.
Just come with me.
Live in the moment, like you always told me to.
Look, I just I just need a bit of time to look at this, all right? Just to see what it says.
I just told you what it says.
I need to look through it myself! This can't this can't be right.
Okay, you know what? You need to decide what's more important to you.
Obsessing over this theory or us.
I am I'm going to the airport.
And I hope you meet me there.
(Door opens, slams closed) "After a thorough investigation, I can say unequivocally that this theory is totally without merit.
" (Muttering softly) "Theta must be between zero and pi.
" Oh, my God, I'm wrong.
I'm wrong.
I'm wrong.
I'm wrong I'm wrong! (Laughs) I'm wrong! Hot Crock-Pot of melted cheesiness! You can't tell me there's no time to celebrate, cuz.
There's no time to celebrate.
- What? - Because I'm wrong! - What do you mean? - (Laughs) We've got a future.
I can spend a lifetime with Evie.
Mwah! Oh, my God, we got to get to the airport.
Go, go, go, get out! Get out, get out, we got to go! MAN (over P.
A.
): Flight 2354, with service to Reykjavik, now boarding.
(Sighs) (Sighs) Come on, mate, put your foot down.
I'm driving as fast as I'm comfortable with.
We're also pulling a trailer.
Plus, are you sure about this, cuz? I don't know Tyra, but you're the smartest person I've ever met.
And this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
NASA! Are you sure you don't want NASA to double-check everything? No, mate, because I was wrong, all right? And I let it take priority over Evie.
I just want to get to the bloody airport on time.
Come on, mate, get out of the way! Hey, cuz, we'll get you there, okay? Just try and relax.
Sit back, take a deep breath.
Here, have some water.
Oh, God.
Mm, mm! Take the left lane.
Go, go, go! (Chuckles) (Chuckles) (Yells) Hello, Mr.
Finger.
What What are you doing here? Who are they? They're from a government agency I've been working with.
And we're here because we need your cooperation.
Hey, Jesse, man, you just missed the exit! You got to turn around! We're not turning around, cuz.
What are you doing, man? (Speaking incoherently, slurring) (Speaking incoherently) Mog islands.
- Relax.
- (Groans) Horses love this stuff.
XAVIER: Did you drug me? Oh, that (Intercom chimes) WOMAN (over intercom): Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off your electronic devices and prepare for takeoff.
Tell me everything you know about the asteroid theory.
Why? Uh, you you said it was wrong.
You-you-you proved it was wrong.
I altered the math.
It was a necessary step.
I had to ensure it wouldn't get further traction with ImPropaganda or anyone else.
The asteroid theory? The math is accurate.
It's a credible threat.
Oh, good Lord.
You need to tell me whose theory this is.
Because I need to speak to that person immediately.
TYRA: The fate of the world may depend on it.
(Rumbling)
" I gotta live life while I can.
- What does that mean? - Humankind only has eight months and 12 days left on Earth.
- You're serious? - Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
This is my apocalyst.
This is every last thing I want to do before things go kaput.
- (Xavier whooping) - (Squealing happily) Previously on No Tomorrow Oh! Oh, there's a big story here.
The math isn't your story.
This Xavier guy is.
So you just you just want a a hit piece? XAVIER: Tyra DeNeil Fields is the most popular astrophysicist in the world.
She's just the sort of person who could not only validate my theory, but alert the general public.
Can you toss this for me, please? I've decided to put all my money in space tourism.
Yeah! If that thing is coming, then I've got to find a way to stop it, because I want to spend a lifetime with you.
Choose carefully, we're getting close to the end.
Every move you make is crucial.
You're not getting into my head, Covington.
And that's how it's done.
- Okay.
- (Nervous chuckles) XAVIER (in distance): Bollocks! (Gasps) How's it going? No matter how I simulate a solution missile strike, solar sails, kinetic interceptors (sighs) the asteroid still comes crashing into Earth.
Well, you want to maybe switch gears for a bit? Our Iceland trip is in three days, and we have a ton to plan.
You know, hotels, landmarks we want to see, caribou rides we want to take.
I need to finish this test set, all right? Can we make plans to make plans tomorrow? Sure.
You know, I wanted you to start thinking about the future, and now you are.
Mwah.
- I'll see you later.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay - (Door closes) (Computer beeping) Come on, miss, miss, miss.
- Miss! - (Computer alarm beeping) No, no, no, no.
Aw, come on! - (Buzzer sounding) - (Shouts in frustration) Hey, what's going on? Cory Casey's here.
Apparently he's got some big, exciting news.
(Dramatic music playing) (Music stops) Oh, salutations, Cybermart-ians of the Seattle branch.
I am so excited to be with you all on this beautiful Monday to share with you the news that you all are going on an amazing adventure! - Whoo! - (Other exclaiming) Because we're dissolving this branch of Cybermart, and absorbing its modest resources elsewhere.
All of you are being reassigned to other branches.
So pack up all those big bags of enthusiasm and all your personal belongings, 'cause you'll need to be out of here by the end of the week.
Uh, branch reassignments are posted, and decisions are final, so don't come and talk to me about it.
Adventure (Chuckles) awaits! You're reassigning me to Phoenix? That's close to the Sunset Crater volcano.
The government claims it's not gonna erupt, but I don't want to take that chance.
Detroit? I can't go to Michigan.
That state's shaped like a mitten.
It's way too adorable.
Tacoma! But th-that's That's only 30 miles from here, actually.
But no, it's gonna add a solid 20 minutes to my commute.
40, if you count there and back.
But whatever, no, we have to fix this.
We can't just let them split us up.
I bet Deirdre can help us.
(Blender whirring) Well, this is troubling.
I cannot help you.
I was informed of the branch closing mere minutes before you.
I'm getting shipped off to Siberia.
What?! Siberia? Like, actual Russian Siberia? The village of Yakutsk.
You may know it by its nickname, "the coldest city on Earth"? Hmm? Anyway, Phoenix, Detroit, Yakutsk.
We're all getting rogered on this one.
Well all except Evie.
The Getters & Givers program has done so well that she's getting a title bump and a raise.
- I am? - DEIRDRE: Yes.
And they will expect you to hit the ground running, so your vacation will have to wait till next year.
Wait, really? Welcome to life as a manager.
I would like to be alone now.
(Door closes) Siberia? It's an undeniable blow to our recently reignited love fire.
I've tried long-distance before with the guitarist from Tonic during their '90s tour with Smash Mouth.
It didn't end well.
Distance is what tore my parents apart.
They both worked for my uncle's cruise line on different ships bad deal.
And one of them always had norovirus.
A 41-hour plane ride will be a formidable sex moat.
In the beginning, we'll call each other every night.
Then it's every other night.
Soon, it's once a week.
Then the visits get further and further apart.
Eventually, we'll be visiting each other once a year in the summer.
There is no summer in Yakutsk.
There's only a fall and three winters.
JESSE: This day is a real turd.
First, I burned a batch of Kopi Luwak at Murray's, and now we're out of Possum Puffs.
Hang on.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
If we launch a shuttle with two ion-beam shepherds in exactly 11 days (Beeping) Moment of truth.
Oh, the suspense is killing me.
(Beeps) - I've done it.
- (Chimes) I've done it.
I've figured out a way to divert the asteroid.
I knew you could do it, cuz.
I always believed in you, man.
Let's go celebrate.
Can we check out that new fondue place, Cheese Louise? Celebrate? Are you kidding? We've got 11 days to save the world.
- We don't have a moment to waste.
- Right.
Cancel fondue.
Copy that.
Uh, what's our next move? We're gonna need a lot of money.
Uh, we can crowdfund it.
I'll start a campaign online.
How much money do you need? $1.
5 billion.
HANK: That's a lot of dough.
It's a deep-dish pizza.
I figured I'd get accustomed to Midwestern cuisine.
They didn't have any funnel cakes or cheese curds, so EVIE: I still can't believe this.
There must be something we can do.
What if you all quit Cybermart and found new jobs in Tacoma? (Chuckles) In this job market? I still have survivalist school loans.
Yeah, and if I was suddenly unemployed, it would send up a major red flag for the INS.
I can't risk Sofia's green card.
And I could never quit Cybermart.
It's the first and only place that recognized my innate gift for leadership.
I believe it is my destiny to replace Casey Cory in the event of his untimely death.
I can't give that up.
Even if it means losing something very meaningful and moving to a place one guide book described as "an unyielding landscape of frozen doom.
" We can't just let them fork us like this! This is my office, damn it! Evie, this is the cafeteria.
No, I mean, this is my community.
Well, we all feel like this is a community, but you know The TV shows.
I always imagined that someday I'd have my own fun place full of lovable characters who know each other inside and out.
I always liked News Radio.
Look, Cory said the decisions were final.
There's nothing we can do.
Unless the Tacoma branch is magically struck by the plague, and our positions open up there, it's hopeless.
Wait.
Now, that is a good idea.
The plague! Not impossible, but releasing trained rats is never as simple as it seems.
Not the plague, the part about creating job openings at the Tacoma branch.
What if we find your counterparts there and convince them to quit? By making them think like they're gonna get the plague! Using their minds against them.
No.
Look, everyone has a secret passion, right? Something they've always wanted to pursue.
Well, if we can find out what that thing is for those three people, we can get them new jobs that involve those passions.
And then they'll quit.
And then we won't even have to mention the plague.
And then maybe we can stay together.
EVIE: And they'll all achieve their dreams.
It's a win-win-win-win (quietly): win-win-win win-win-win! (Laughs) I've got two killer T-shirt designs for the crowdfunding campaign.
Which one do you think? Oh, uh, your call, cuz.
Can you believe they just gave me the employee list for the Tacoma branch, just because I said I was bad with names? Ha.
I am great with names.
By the way, sorry, again, for pushing our Iceland trip.
Evie, it's all good.
I've got work to do anyway.
Right.
Back to it, then.
Scrooge you, Cory Casey.
I'm not letting some eccentric billionaire break up News Radio.
Wait a second.
A crazed billionaire involved in space tourism.
Evie, is there any chance you can get me a meeting with this guy? Get in line.
He was hard to pin down before he closed the Seattle branch.
Now he doesn't want to hear from anyone until everyone's been transferred.
Jesse, how much have we raised so far? Like, $74.
12.
But minus the cost of these T-shirts, so, like, negative $11.
Well, I still have the money I made from the Nap Sack.
I can use that.
Use that for what? HANK: Thanks for the lift.
When I'm stressed, my driving gets a little erratic.
(Tires screech, horns blaring) This reassignment got me all twisted.
I can't live in the desert.
You know, those hills have eyes.
- Big, creepy eyes.
- And? - And I can't lose Deirdre again.
- There it is.
My only hope is that Evie's plan comes together Okay.
You know what? Um I would just really appreciate you not using the "E" word around me.
All my big top words have "E" in them.
Like, Easter, eagle eagles.
- Evie.
That "E" word.
- Oh.
I still believe that our timing will line up eventually, but for now, I just want to focus on my work, you know? Becoming a real force in the world of journalism.
Oh! - Like Hunter S.
Finger! - What? - Yeah! - Aah! - Watch out! - Come on, come on, - (Laughs) - come on, come on.
But yes.
Exactly.
That's right, T-stop.
You've been wasting too much time getting mixed up with that Covington woman.
And that Xavier man.
Okay.
Uh, you know what? Let's just lose the "X" word, while we're at it.
I never want to hear that name ever again.
MAN: Xavier Holliday.
They want to run the story you wrote on him in next week's issue.
Uh, yeah.
That was a hit piece.
Uh, so Marlo and I had an agreement that we weren't gonna run it.
WOMAN: Marlo's undercover in Honduras.
She won't be back for months.
I'm Talia Chevalier, the new editor in chief.
Marlo told me all about you.
She said you were "solid wood" and then she punched me hard in the thigh.
Do you have any idea what she meant by that? I, uh No.
Not really.
I loved your piece on this Xavier guy.
He is a model of the typical post-election American.
Totally terrified that the end of the world is coming via a fiery orange nightmare barreling straight toward us.
But we need a legitimate scientist to officially debunk his asteroid calculations.
Uh, yeah.
It it might be tough to find somesoe qualified on such short notice.
I have someone.
Tyra DeNeil Fields.
Uh.
(Chuckles softly) You You know Tyra DeNeil Fields? Yeah.
I wrote a profile on her for Scientific American a few years back.
We've been friends ever since.
DEIRDRE: Wow.
Amazing.
This place looks completely different.
One vending machine, and two microwaves? This will take some getting used to.
EVIE: All right.
Our objective is to seek out the other people who hold your jobs, uncover their true passions, and convince them to quit.
Won't people think it's weird if we're just wandering around, showing random interest in people's lives? Not to worry.
(Chuckles) See, that's Craig.
He's head of HR.
I told him all four of us were shadowing for the week, to see how other branches work.
Deirdre, your target is Debbie Meyers, the Tacoma branch manager.
She has an affinity for sea otters, and her celebrity crush is Josh Groban.
- John Grabun.
- EVIE: Kareema, you'll talk to the lead customer service rep, Carrie Batra.
For some reason, she's not on any social networking sites.
- Cyberghost.
- Cyberghost.
Hank and I will talk to Frank Buckman, quality control manager.
According to his profile page, he's into whittling and making his own salmon jerky.
I know a thing or two about both salmon jerky and interrogation techniques.
I'll be able to resist his resistance if he's resistant.
Okay.
We can do this.
I know it.
Okay.
News Radio on three.
Huh No.
It's probably an overreach.
So Totally.
I get it.
It's cool.
Thank you for sitting down with us, - Frank - (Buzzes sound) - Hey, Frank.
- Hi.
Really wanted to give you this bag of salmon jerky.
Well, that would be swell Yeah.
But my partner won't let me.
Wait.
That's not true.
- What Evie! - What? What I'm the good cop, you're the bad cop.
Why do I have to be the bad cop? - Okay, fine.
We'll switch.
- Okay.
Do you ever want to see your family again, Frank? Okay.
No.
Wait, wait.
Why are we doing good cop, bad cop? Okay, 'cause I'm trying to build a rapport with him so that he can divulge his innermost secrets to us.
Okay.
Why don't we just ask him? Fine.
We'll ask him.
Uh, do you have a hobby or activity that you love, something you wish you could devote more of your life to? Well, actually, I do have a passion for candle making.
Candle making.
(Chuckles) FRANK: Yeah.
I started making them in the event of a power grid failure.
But then I just fell in love with the process.
You know, started adding scents.
(Gasps) This one's called Nature's Medley.
What-what part of nature? It's delightful! FRANK: Oh! Well, take it with you.
I got a hundred of those babies at home.
I tried selling them, but no luck.
Artisanal candle market is a cutthroat business.
XAVIER: I don't think this is gonna work.
Sure it will.
His regular driver said Cory Casey will walk out of these doors at 9:26 a.
m.
exactly.
So And he doesn't make eye contact, so he's not gonna even notice you're a different guy.
Is that the only intel you've got? Yeah.
Bribery rates have greatly outpaced inflation.
(Exhales) Plus, if things start going south with this dude, you always got this.
Horse tranquilizer? Yeah.
Better than chloroform.
You can slip those bad boys into anything food, water, pillboxes.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, sell gold, buy latex.
And, uh, oh.
And tell Gigi and Bella I can't make it to Burning Man.
Right.
Well, I-I know they're gonna be disappointed, it's disappointing.
You're not the other guy.
No.
I'm the new guy.
Nap Sack guy.
Yeah, well, uh - I can explain that - No, no, no.
No need to explain.
That you had to get a job as a chauffeur because you blew all your money on something dumb.
Let's hope you're wrong.
So, we discovered Frank's passion, but I'm not sure how much help it's gonna be.
How did you guys do? I had a social interaction with Deborah, and I can say, unequivocally, the woman is a complete nightmare.
Hi! DEIRDRE: Oh, God! All right.
Um Kareema, how'd it go with Carrie? Not great.
She might be a ninja.
Oh, well.
Not the best first day, but we will keep at it.
Oh, maybe this thing smells better lit.
DEIRDRE: Evie, I recognize your aim is noble, but I wonder if your plan might be unachievable.
She's right.
We only have a few more days left here.
I should be looking for leather bars in Detroit.
Oh.
Come on, you guys.
We can't give up.
We've just had a few setbacks.
(Groans) (Coughs) HANK: Oh, man! That smells like the elephant room in the zoo.
I can't eat now.
- You're not the only one.
- HANK: Oh! I can't even stress eat around that thing.
If only I had that candle six years ago when I divorced Pete, or three years ago, when I divorced Pete.
I know how we can help Frank.
CORY: So I told Musk to stop thinking small.
Forget electric cars, how about electric streets? Oh, oh.
Hang Hang on, I got to take this.
- (Beeps) - Hello? Hello.
I just I just said hello.
- (Beeps) - Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Okay.
I think I just tushie-dialed myself.
Mr.
Casey, I know that you're a very busy man, but I wonder if I could have just have a moment of your time - (Beeps) - CORY: Aaron Dubonski! Doobey! Hey! Yeah, well, when you watch my new shuttle Loretta arc into the stratosphere, you'll wish you had come work for me, but no, no, no.
You got to impress your parents and pick NASA, right? (Cory chuckles) Hey, uh, Sack guy.
Turn down Winter Street, please.
My GPS says that Plymouth is faster.
Yeah, I appreciate your input, but I always take Winter.
CORY: Doobey, you want to hang on a second? Mr.
Casey, look, I know you're a very busy man, but I have something to discuss that I think is gonna be of massive interest Slow down.
Don't say another word.
CORY: Doobey, you still there? All right, so what is the budget over at NASA these days, is it $14? Hello, Ms.
Fields, this is Timothy L.
Finger from ImPropaganda.
Talia Chevalier suggested I reach out.
Why'd you say her name like that? - What? - (Lusty): Talia Chevalier.
You got a thing for her? What? No.
I Um, I-I'm writing an article on a man who has a very controversial theory that falls within your area of expertise.
I was hoping you could just take a look at it.
Check the math.
Well, my schedule is pretty packed, but for Talia Chevalier, I'll try to figure something out.
No promises.
Oh, and, Finger? Good luck.
She's a tough catch.
(Chuckles softly) I'd like this lady to be fleshed out a little bit more.
We need to XAVIER: This is promising.
I mean, it's almost too perfect.
The guy was talking to a friend of his at NASA today.
Then why beat around the bush, cuz? Just lock the doors and lay it on him.
No, what I need to do is ingratiate myself with him, gain his trust.
That way he'll want to listen to me.
(Xavier exhales) This house is the key to it all.
Come on.
Hi.
Um, my name's Xavier Holliday.
I was I was wondering if you know Cory Casey? Is she an Alpha Pi? Um No, more like an alpha guy.
MAN (calling): Dude, these pizza bagels are cold! I got to go.
Good luck finding that chick.
It's 'cause you didn't preheat the oven! You got to pre-heat the oven! I don't know about you, but now I'm craving pizza bagels.
Yep.
(Exhales) Dude.
Loretta.
(Whispers): Loretta.
Dude.
Cory Casey's naming his new space shuttle Loretta.
This can't be a coincidence.
EVIE: Your passion - is candle making, right, Frank? - Yeah.
Unfortunately, your candles smell like a Dumpster filled with other, smaller, but equally pungent Dumpsters.
HANK: Luckily, there's a beneficial side effect.
It kills your appetite.
So, we decided to use that as a selling tool.
I give you: Diet Candles! "The candles that melt away fat!" I built the site last night.
You already have 186 preorders at 20 bucks a pop.
A hundred and eighty six? If I keep this pace up, I'd make more than I do here.
- I could - HANK: Uh-huh.
Follow your passion full-time? And quit my job and start my own business.
- (Laughs) - Well, one down, two to go.
- Phew.
- Boo Yah.
Okay, we got Hank a spot, so we're down to two targets.
Oh, hey, Craig.
Just over here shadowing.
Loving it.
Learning so much.
- Getting a lay of the land.
- Oh, man.
Look at all this land.
It's so outlandish.
Okay, we're on a roll, guys, so let's keep going.
Next up, Debbie and Carrie.
Whoo-hoo! It appears you're attracted to limbo.
- (Laughs) - What? Oh, no, I just put this together for the shipping department.
Really stretches their backs.
Nice one.
You're interested in my interests? Yeah.
Well, I don't really have any.
EVIE: Oh, come on, everybody has something that they're into.
Naked street luge, faking your own death, catfishing Bonnie Hunt.
You know, things people do for fun.
Competitive taxidermy, making your own sex furniture, selling actual grass to teenagers.
Giraffe mating videos, watching old people eat cheesecake, playing the nose flute, shaving men's backs, buying illegal fireworks, selling illegal fireworks, spitting off of tall buildings, drinking ketchup, come on, there has to be something.
Power thrusting, macaroni sex, Celtic thunderboarding, Embroidery? I-23.
Excuse me, please tell me you have a particular affection for bingo.
Oh, no, but the employees love it.
It's such a great way for them to unwind.
This is impossible.
All she does is organize things for other people.
N-42.
- Bingo! - CRAIG: Bingo! Do we have two winners? Mine was a just lightbulb moment.
I've got a plan.
I'm calling my uncle.
CORY: Well, I told him, second rule of fight club is bring snacks.
(Chuckles) I'll-I'll call you back.
(Beeps) XAVIER: You miss Loretta? How do you know about Loretta? Well, I know she used to live there and that she's the reason you drive down Winter Street every day.
She must've been someone important to you.
- - She was.
A long time ago.
Loretta lived in that house.
We were in love.
What happened? Cybermart happened.
People saw my genius and the business took off.
I let our relationship fall apart.
Why am I telling you this? Well, why not look her up, you know? Try and talk to her? What, so she can tell how, uh, perfect her life is without me? Husband, kids, two cats and a dog.
Why twist the knife? Better just to remember what we had.
Anyway, onward and upward.
(Sighs) (Liquid pouring) Hey, so Tyra said that she'll try and vet Xavier's theory by tomorrow, but she's pretty busy.
Might not hurt to have a backup.
This is a guy at the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena.
He owes me.
Cool.
Oh.
I'm also gonna need your cell phone number.
What for? Well, it would be weird to call your work phone to ask you out.
Are you hitting on me? Yes.
Your boss? At work? Correct.
All right.
Don't text me emojis or you're dead in the water.
Okay, catch you later, all right? Hey, um, - hi, excuse me.
- Hi.
(Gasps) I'm sorry, I thought that was my last meeting.
Are you here for a conference? Not exactly, um your name's Loretta Stevens, right? Yes.
And your child is? Cory Casey.
You can call us the fairy godmothers, because we just made another dream come true.
What? You got Debbie to quit? - (Softly): Yeah.
- Well, Deborah was so busy organizing fun things for other people, we didn't think she had time for her own passions.
Right? Yeah.
that's right, baby doll.
But organizing fun things for other people is her passion.
As soon as I realized that, I knew the perfect job for her.
"Cruise ship activities director.
" My uncle's gonna hook her up.
She can bring joy to others all day long for some reason.
- Two down, one to go! - (Chuckles) KAREEMA: I'm working on that.
I figure if Carrie's so boring during the day, she must get into something deviant and exciting at night.
So I found a way to keep track of her.
What way is that? I had Hank install a tracking device on her phone.
- You guys! - What? Listen, blondie, you want to play by the rules or you want to keep the gang together? Well, the second one.
- There it is.
- Hoorah.
- (Phone chimes) - Oh! Looks like the target's on the move.
We've been following her for over an hour and all she's done is get a plain bagel and buy stamps.
And now a barbershop? I don't want to watch this lady get a haircut.
Come on.
(Door bell jingles) Where'd she go? HANK: Maybe she's more than a cyberghost.
Maybe she's a ghost ghost.
Uh, excuse me, did you see a young woman come in here about 20 seconds ago? What's harder to catch the faster you run? HANK: I love riddles.
What's harder to catch the faster you run? Uh catch Your breath! Ooh! Oh, such a turn on.
(Hank laughs) (People chattering) Oh.
I don't see Carrie anywhere.
(People gasp) (Drumroll) (Stammers) DIERDRE: Craig? We are tonight's entertainment.
The Merry Magic Makers.
KAREEMA: Oh, that's her thing.
(Applause) - Wow.
- Wow.
No, it's in my left hand left hand drawer.
It's in the left hand drawer.
- Just look for it.
- (Phone chimes) (Tires squealing) Hey! We're going the wrong way! What are you doing? Where are you going? You know, I've been thinking a lot about taking chances recently.
Stop this car right now.
About having the courage to-to go for the long shot.
- What are you talking about? - I mean, haven't you ever wondered if Loretta Stevens has been thinking about you this whole time, too? - Eh, well - I mean, maybe she's still single - Wha? - and living in Seattle.
Maybe she'd love to grab a coffee with you, and catch up, and talk about old times.
In fact, maybe she rushed over here after school, got out just so she could come to this very cafe, and wait for you to walk in.
What on earth? I'm just trying to show you what happens if you take a chance on the long shot.
(Breathes sharply) Well, maybe maybe don't take the hoverboard, you know? - Use your legs.
- Right.
Right.
- - I got your note about some amazing opportunity.
We, uh, caught your performance at the club last night.
I see great promise in you.
And I should know.
As, years ago, I took David Copperfield as a lover.
- You did? - Yep, and she's still friends with him.
And I'm almost totally fine with that.
After your show last night, I made a call to Dave and, um, well, we talked about you.
And he has agreed to make you an apprentice.
You'd get to learn from the master.
Perform magic full-time.
Full-time? Yes.
No, thanks.
- But magic is your passion.
- No, it's not.
Do you like '90s rock? Because I have an in there, too.
Well, hold on, we walked through that big closet into the smoky club.
You were doing magic in front of all those people.
I don't love magic.
I love Craig.
I've had a thing for him ever since I started working here.
I kept hoping he'd notice me.
A couple months ago, he put out a flyer looking for someone to do magic with.
Now I spend two nights a week doing that stupid show.
But I get to be near Craig.
Even though I haven't told him how I feel yet.
Guess this means you're not leaving Cybermart anytime soon.
CARRIE: And leave Craig? Never.
Hey, Craig! Yo.
Hi.
You free for dinner tonight? Uh, yes, uh, yeah, I am free.
Yeah.
Great.
So is Carrie.
You two should go.
Oh.
I'd love that.
Me, too.
Really? Sometimes you got to take a leap.
Other times, you got to get pushed.
Yeah.
Totally.
- Bye.
Next week? - Yes.
- Bye.
- Bye.
(Laughs softly) That looked like it went well.
It couldn't have gone better.
We-we have an actual date next week.
I haven't been this excited about the future since Back to the Future.
Well, speaking of the future, um, there's something I'd like to discuss with you.
EVIE: I can't believe we're really leaving.
- Finished.
- KAREEMA: I hate packing.
You know, it was really sweet, what you did for Carrie.
Yeah, well, I figured somebody should get what they wanted today.
EVIE: I feel awful.
If only we had more time.
KAREEMA: Let's get Deirdre and head to the bar.
Days like this were invented for booze.
You know what, why don't you guys go ahead, I'll just I'll catch up.
(Giggles) TIMOTHY: You okay? Hey.
What are you doing here? I was supposed to pick up Hank from work today.
He just left with Deirdre.
They're celebrating their move to Tacoma.
Mm.
Well, I'm glad those two are gonna make it.
Yeah.
Me, too.
How you doing? With the branch closing and everything.
Not great.
I helped all these people go after their dreams this week and I just keep putting off mine.
Well, you shouldn't.
You should be bold.
I've been trying it out and so far, so good.
ImPropaganda is gonna run the article I wrote on Xavier next week.
What? As part of the fact-checking, we sent his theory to Tyra DeNeil Fields.
And she just got back to me.
You should take a look at her response.
The asteroid is real and it's coming.
But with your help, we can stop it.
Well, that's completely insane.
However, a lot of people used to say that my ideas were insane.
All right, this is a restaurant in Houston.
The head of NASA is going to have dinner there tomorrow, but his dinner date is gonna cancel.
You'll show up instead and present your theory.
This is amazing.
Thank you.
H-how do you know his his dinner date's gonna cancel, though? The dinner date was me.
Give Doobey my best.
(Laughs softly) There you are.
You're two "wodkas" behind.
Sorry I'm late, but I've got great news.
I got you a job at the Tacoma branch! What? How? I mean, what? How? You're gonna be running the Getters & Givers program.
But, that's your job.
Not anymore.
I just quit.
(Laughs) HANK: What? You quit? EVIE: Yes and it was the right decision.
Look at what you did this week.
Staying up all night to build Frank a Web site, setting up Carrie and Craig.
You didn't just do those things to open up a position, you did them because you like helping people.
Okay, that's gross.
Kareema, as much as you try to deny it, it's your passion.
It's number four on your apocalyst, right after (whispers): "sex on a ski lift".
I can't let you do this.
It's already done.
HANK: Wow! Are your tear ducts functional? It appears so.
If you tell anyone I cried about this, I will cut you.
I will cut all of you.
- (Clears throat) - HANK: Oh - Oh - No, get off of me now.
- Stop it.
- (Evie laughing) Stop touching me.
My happy heart Yeah-ah.
- Oh.
- Oh, hello there.
Fantastic, you're back.
Sorry, I didn't know exactly what to pack, so I just grabbed a little of everything.
You have a ton of beanies.
Pack? For Iceland.
I never cancelled our tickets.
We can make it if we hurry.
I thought you couldn't get time off work.
Well, that was before I quit my job.
You quit your job? The northern lights will only be at peak visibility for a few more days this year, and I've always wanted to see them.
So have you, so, let's go! I am taking the leap.
Evie, I can't go.
Why not? Because I finally just got Cory Casey's attention.
He's putting me in touch with the head of NASA.
I'm going to Houston tomorrow.
You don't need to go to Houston.
(Sighs) Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Timothy gave your theory to Tyra DeNeil Fields.
He was fact-checking it for his article.
This is her response.
You were wrong, Xavier.
This can't be.
Tyra was the one person in the whole world you trusted to look at this.
And now she has and she says it's wrong.
It doesn't make any sense.
I know it must be hard to hear, I know how much time you've put into this.
But it doesn't mean you're wrong about the way you live your life.
Can't you see, this is good news.
She must have made a mistake.
No, Xavier, please.
Just come with me.
Live in the moment, like you always told me to.
Look, I just I just need a bit of time to look at this, all right? Just to see what it says.
I just told you what it says.
I need to look through it myself! This can't this can't be right.
Okay, you know what? You need to decide what's more important to you.
Obsessing over this theory or us.
I am I'm going to the airport.
And I hope you meet me there.
(Door opens, slams closed) "After a thorough investigation, I can say unequivocally that this theory is totally without merit.
" (Muttering softly) "Theta must be between zero and pi.
" Oh, my God, I'm wrong.
I'm wrong.
I'm wrong.
I'm wrong I'm wrong! (Laughs) I'm wrong! Hot Crock-Pot of melted cheesiness! You can't tell me there's no time to celebrate, cuz.
There's no time to celebrate.
- What? - Because I'm wrong! - What do you mean? - (Laughs) We've got a future.
I can spend a lifetime with Evie.
Mwah! Oh, my God, we got to get to the airport.
Go, go, go, get out! Get out, get out, we got to go! MAN (over P.
A.
): Flight 2354, with service to Reykjavik, now boarding.
(Sighs) (Sighs) Come on, mate, put your foot down.
I'm driving as fast as I'm comfortable with.
We're also pulling a trailer.
Plus, are you sure about this, cuz? I don't know Tyra, but you're the smartest person I've ever met.
And this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
NASA! Are you sure you don't want NASA to double-check everything? No, mate, because I was wrong, all right? And I let it take priority over Evie.
I just want to get to the bloody airport on time.
Come on, mate, get out of the way! Hey, cuz, we'll get you there, okay? Just try and relax.
Sit back, take a deep breath.
Here, have some water.
Oh, God.
Mm, mm! Take the left lane.
Go, go, go! (Chuckles) (Chuckles) (Yells) Hello, Mr.
Finger.
What What are you doing here? Who are they? They're from a government agency I've been working with.
And we're here because we need your cooperation.
Hey, Jesse, man, you just missed the exit! You got to turn around! We're not turning around, cuz.
What are you doing, man? (Speaking incoherently, slurring) (Speaking incoherently) Mog islands.
- Relax.
- (Groans) Horses love this stuff.
XAVIER: Did you drug me? Oh, that (Intercom chimes) WOMAN (over intercom): Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off your electronic devices and prepare for takeoff.
Tell me everything you know about the asteroid theory.
Why? Uh, you you said it was wrong.
You-you-you proved it was wrong.
I altered the math.
It was a necessary step.
I had to ensure it wouldn't get further traction with ImPropaganda or anyone else.
The asteroid theory? The math is accurate.
It's a credible threat.
Oh, good Lord.
You need to tell me whose theory this is.
Because I need to speak to that person immediately.
TYRA: The fate of the world may depend on it.
(Rumbling)