Now and Again (1999) s01e12 Episode Script

1
NARRATOR: An ordinary man,
insurance executive, 45 years old,
stumbles to his death
on the subway platform
in New York City.
Or does he?
Unbeknownst to his wife or child,
his brain is rescued
from the accident scene
by a secret branch
of the United States government,
and put into the body of an artificially
produced 26-year-old man,
who has the strength of Superman,
the speed of Michael Jordan,
and the grace of Fred Astaire.
The only catch,
under penalty of death,
he can never let anyone from his past
know he is still alive.
And that, my friends, is a problem,
for this man is desperately in love
with his wife,
his daughter and his former life.
NARRATOR:
Before on Now and Again:
[FLAMES HISSING]
Oh. What was that?
Did you see the paper?
I mean,
they actually want people to believe
that some lady on the Upper East Side
spontaneously burst into flames.
Oh, Melanie.
Oh, are you all right?
Just watching television and poof.
[SCREAMS]
ROBIN:
Stop touching me.
Screw you. Screw him.
Screw all of it.
You can all go to hell.
You're the one who's going to hell.
No, darling, you are going to hell.
[FLAMES HISS]
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
VANESSA:
Yes, sir?
Is it my overactive imagination
or is it warm in here?
VANESSA: Would you like me
to turn down the heat?
That's not what I asked you.
I asked you your opinion.
VANESSA:
Well, I find it very comfortable, sir.
Then it is.
It's my imagination.
So, uh, why are you standing
back there? Step into the room.
I think I hear the phone, sir.
DELONGPRE:
Right.
Maybe it's Mitchell.
No. He's already called.
He wanted to know
if you were still here.
Did you tell him I left?
I told him,
but I don't think he believed me.
Is there anything else?
I have a class.
Of course you do.
I just want you to know
I enjoyed working with you,
Mr. Delongpre.
And I you, Vanessa.
Hello?
Listen, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
This is not an easy call to make.
Yes, I've decided to act
on your advice.
No.
I can't talk now.
I'm supposed to be gone already.
Right. I'll meet you.
I'll bring the information,
everything you need.
Tonight.
No, no, no. It has to be tonight.
Yeah. Yeah, you stay cool too.
[SIGHS]
No. No.
No, God, no. No, no.
Please, no, God. No!
No, not this way.
Not this way. No, God, please. No.
Please, I beg of you, somebo--
Somebody let me out. Let me out!
Open the door! Please! Please!
No, God, please!
Somebody let me out!
I beg of you! Somebody let me out!
Let me out! Let me out!
[FLAMES HISSING]
MORRIS:
That should just about do it.
Leave Mr. Wiseman's skull open
for about 15 minutes. Let it dry out.
I'm gonna stitch him up
if you don't mind.
AGENT:
Wow. That's the brain, huh?
- That's amazing.
MORRIS:- You think so?
I really didn't have anything
to do with that.
Oh, no, no. I know.
I mean, this-- This is incredible too.
I mean, I look at that and I'm
[AGENT CHUCKLES]
MORRIS:
RadioShack.
That's it. Forget it. I'm through.
Heather. Heather. I am sorry.
I saw that tree coming towards us
through the windshield, and I--
And I got anxious.
You didn't get anxious, Mother.
You panicked.
You said The Lord's Prayer,
for crying out loud.
I did? I'm sorry.
How am I supposed to
concentrate on driving
if you keep on crossing yourself
all the time?
Heh. Heather, look,
I am sorry. I'm sorry.
The next time that we go out,
I promise you
I will keep my hands folded
in my lap.
Forget it. No.
I'm not gonna learn to drive.
I'll just walk everywhere,
or take the bus or ride a bike.
- Heather--
- Or hitchhike.
That's it. I'll spend the rest of
my life depending on strangers
to get me from one place to another,
and it's all your fault.
My fault.
Good.
ROGER: I'm sure you're aware
that other newspapers, comma,
while not your equals editorially,
comma,
have found a way
to create a document
without the use of inks
that come off on the hand. Period.
Wouldn't you agree
that the public would be better served
by having all the news
that's fit to print
if the print could just be made
to stay on the page? Question mark.
And sign it: Roger Bender,
senior vice president
of Grand Empire Insurance.
And you actually want me to send this
to the editor of The New York Times?
Oh.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Ah-- Oh, put her on.
Lisa.
Roger. Hi. I'm sorry to bother you
in the middle of the day,
but we've got a little crisis
going on here.
Oh, "crisis" is my middle name.
Please.
When you were teaching Amanda
to drive, what did you do?
Did you enroll her in school?
Did you hire someone? What?
ROGER:
No, no. I taught her.
Me, myself and I.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
Driving is about freedom.
And freedom is one
of the great promises of adulthood.
And I wasn't about to let my child
be ushered into adulthood
by some hired hand.
No. Teaching one's child to drive
is something best accomplished
by someone close to the child.
Yeah, well, that theory
is not working too well here
at the Wiseman household.
- Really?
- Really.
I don't know
if it's a mother-daughter thing,
or if it's a Lisa-Heather thing.
I just know
that it is not a happening thing.
Uh, well, would you like me
to have a try?
Are you serious?
MORRIS: Are you certain
you can't see anything?
MICHAEL: It's so dark in here,
the shadows are making me squint.
MORRIS:
Good.
As you know, the surgery
I performed on you three days ago
was designed
to enhance your sonic sensitivity.
In time and with practice,
your new inner ear will enable you
to hear the flutter
of a hummingbird's wing.
The sound of a leaf falling
half a mile away.
[MORRIS CHUCKLES]
Even the footfalls of an ant.
- So much to look forward to.
- Hmm.
As with any
new sensory experience,
it will take time for the mind to accept
and process the unfamiliar stimuli.
With that in mind, let's begin.
I need you to listen to me
very carefully, Mr. Wiseman.
Somewhere in this townhouse
an object is about to hit the floor.
Using only your hearing,
I want you to find it.
- Are you ready?
- Yes.
I'll take Charles Nelson Reilly
to block.
[TINKLING]
MORRIS:- Now, did you hear that?
- Hear what?
You didn't hear that pin dropping?
Doc, how do you expect me
to hear a pin dropping
with that radio blasting away?
Radio?
Never mind, it's gone.
Somebody shut it off.
Sounds like somebody
switching off lights.
A kiss.
A guy saying
he'll be home for dinner.
Door slamming.
Footsteps getting further away.
Must be next door.
Someone leaving for work.
Maybe it's too sensitive?
- This is really cool.
MORRIS:- This is really awful.
Ah. Ah. High-pitched sound.
Whirring. Horrible.
Oh, it's making my skin crawl.
Wait, it stopped now.
Guy saying, "Spit".
- Dentist's office.
- Dentist's office.
MORRIS: Maybe
this enhancement was a bad idea.
Perhaps we need
to open him back up.
Just do some fine-tuning.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. This is great.
- What's that?
- I don't know.
Either two people
are on their honeymoon
or somebody's watching a porno.
Maybe we should get
the operating room ready.
You've got that 10:30.
Must be a porno because there's
that cheesy music in the background.
It's a total and utter waste of my time.
See if you can get me out of it.
Sir, Department of Justice
specifically asked for you.
Oh, I feel bad.
Why?
I think the kid
who was watching the porno's mother
just walked in the room.
Something about no more television
for the rest of his life.
I know how he feels.
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
I heard that.
I am sorry about this, Mr. Wiseman.
But a certain amount of trial and error
is to be expected
in any new medical procedure.
But it appears
I've wildly miscalculated
with regard to the whole issue
of sonic sensitivity.
Hey, it's no skin off whoever's nose.
Besides, with these things on, it's like
you never did the operation at all.
Unfortunately, you can't wear those
in public without attracting attention.
But I promise, I'll open you back up
and make the necessary adjustments
as soon as possible.
No rush.
It's kind of like radio-free Michael
in here now.
So where we headed?
A friend of mine
at the Department of Justice asked
if I would run over and take a look
at a crime scene they've been working.
Something about valuing
my scientific opinion.
The whole thing should take
about 10 minutes.
So you're telling me
an entire human being
was consumed by a flame
in this very room?
And the only evidence you have
of a fire
are these char marks
on the door and in the carpet?
No. I also have a 40-pound bag
of human ash.
MORRIS:
Mm-hm.
[CHUCKLES]
[MORRIS SIGHS]
I'm sorry.
It must be a fraud or a fake
of some kind.
I'm telling you, sir, we've tested it.
It's human ash.
MORRIS:
Oh, that's all well and good, sir.
But in order to have a fire,
you must have three things.
INVESTIGATOR:- Yes. Air, fuel and--
- And a source of ignition.
Where's your source of ignition?
There's air in the room.
The body itself is fuel.
But what was used to start the fire?
Gasoline? A bomb?
Well, I'm sure that's why
they wanted you involved.
- I'm sorry, I don't follow.
INVESTIGATOR:- Well, you're right.
Our tests indicate
no apparent external source of ignition.
Again, I don't follow.
I'm a doctor.
What does this have to do with me?
Sounds like you need
a chemical engineer.
I said, external source of ignition.
There's a body of thought,
if you'll pardon the pun,
that thinks the source of ignition
might have been internal.
You mean, from inside the body?
That's preposterous.
I think.
Are either of you familiar
with spontaneous human combustion?
I never heard them play live,
but I think I had an eight track
of theirs back in the '70s.
Before modern medicine,
many ancient scholars believed
the human body was composed
of four elements:
earth, air, water and fire.
They thought
when a person had a fever,
it was the flames deep inside the body
growing hotter and hotter.
And that occasionally,
that fire might actually erupt
and consume a person.
Erupt from inside,
completely engulfing the body
but leaving its surroundings
basically untouched.
Right. I read about this in one
of our finer weekly newspapers.
Right beneath the story
about how aliens
helped some family save their farm.
Forget I said anything.
I'll just stand here
and listen to the voices in my head.
Oh.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Yeah?
[SIGHS]
- How's it going?
- It's just thrilling.
How's it going with you?
I wanted to talk to you
about this driving situation.
What are you talking about, Mom?
There is no driving situation.
I told you, I've resolved myself
to a life of exact change
and good reading material.
Heather.
I have come to the conclusion that
perhaps it would be better for you
if you were taught to drive
by someone other than me.
You'll get no argument here.
But what are you trying to tell me?
Have you enrolled me
in driving school?
Uh, no, not-- Not exactly.
What? You've hired someone
to give me private lessons?
- Well, kind of, sort of, but not really.
- What do you mean "not really"?
Did you hire a "boy not really”
or a "girl not really"?
Oh, oh. Definitely a "boy not really".
Way to go, Mom.
I take back everything I ever said
to the school shrink about you.
- Well, before you get too excited--
- When's my appointment?
He's here. Now.
Where? Outside?
- Downstairs.
- Cool.
Hmm.
- You're the best.
- Ah.
Hold that thought.
Hello? Anybody down there?
Hey, cupcake.
Are you gonna come on down
so we can jump in the old jalopy
and log some time
behind the wheel?
Oh, right.
I'll be down in a minute,
Uncle Roger.
I just have to go
and tell my mom something.
- Just so we're clear,
- Hmm.
this makes anything I might do to you
completely justifiable in a court of law.
Mm.
This is my car. That is my child.
What can I say?
I haven't lost a car or a student yet.
Heh. Don't worry about a thing.
She's in great hands, Lisa.
I'm gonna drive her over
to my secret spot.
It's the perfect place for practicing
those really complicated maneuvers
like parallel parking
and, uh, three-point turns.
[HEATHER SIGHS]
[WHISPERS]
Sorry.
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
Yes sirree, I know the perfect spot.
A place where there's virtually
nothing to hit.
And if you do hit something,
nobody gives a hoot anyway.
[CHUCKLES]
MORRIS:
Mr. Wiseman? Mr. Wiseman?
The operating theater is ready.
I'd like to go over and remove the
enhancement now if you don't mind.
Wait a second.
I love this song and there's still
a little bit more left.
Hey, doc, are you aware
that in the past three weeks
there's been two other deaths
in the city
that seemed to involve
spontaneous human combustion?
MORRIS:
And where did you hear that?
[MIMICS D.J.]
"Y.A.C.K. Radio."
"No music. No news.
Nothing but Y.A.C.K."
"Y.A.C.K. Radio.
Keeping New York yacking."
"A-yeah-yeah."
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
My point is, every other call--
Mr. Wiseman, for the last time,
spontaneous human combustion
is an urban myth.
You know
what the word "myth" means?
[LISPING] Certainly. I "myth" my wife.
I "myth" my daughter.
I, Mr. Wiseman,
am a man of science.
We went to the crime scene.
We saw the evidence.
And I, for one, refuse
to give any more time and energy
to what I know to be a hoax or a fraud
or an elaborate practical joke.
Now let's get in the car and go--
Yeah, but how do know it's a hoax
or a fraud or a practical joke?
And if you're certain you know
what it isn't,
isn't your natural sense
of curiosity peaked?
Doesn't it make you wanna know
what it is?
[SIGHS]
No. I already know what it is.
And it is a fake. Case closed.
And how can you be so sure?
Mr. Wiseman, trust me.
There are certain
physical absolutes.
The Earth is round.
Gravity keeps us pinned
to the ground.
And people do not spontaneously
burst into flame.
- Prove it.
- Prove it?
I don't have to prove it.
Oh, you most certainly do.
Have you forgotten?
You're talking to a guy who was dead
and had his brain put into a body that
was built out of government surplus.
I no longer believe in absolutes.
All right. Forget me.
Didn't you tell me that the Department
of Justice asked for your help?
Yes, and I gave it to them.
- And I told them it wasn't--
- No.
You told them what it wasn't
and that's no help at all.
Do you mind telling me
what it is about this
that has so captured
your imagination?
I don't know. Maybe it was
all those years in insurance.
But I used to hate paying out
on a situation I couldn't explain,
and I can't explain this.
So, what's the big deal?
We'll go to one more crime scene,
and then you'll unhook
the THX system in my head.
You are joking, aren't you?
About what?
I'm not driving in here. It's creepy.
I mean,
what if someone I know sees me?
Look around you, Heather.
I feel fairly confident
that everyone watching
will be completely discreet.
[CHUCKLES]
Look, Heather,
I learned to drive in here.
My brother learned to drive in here.
My daughter learned to drive in here.
It's really a wonderful place
to get started.
Get started with what?
I'm not an imbecile.
My mom has been taking me driving
for months.
I need to practice on a street
with other cars, with traffic.
And I assure you we will get there.
When?
When I get the sense
that you have mastered the basics.
I mean, if I see
that you are an accomplished driver,
ready to go out
and practice in traffic,
we will be out of here so fast
it'll make your head spin.
But since I have never driven with you
and you have never practiced with me,
I really think the prudent thing to do
is to begin our lesson here.
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
HEATHER:
Bunch of bull.
Don't be mad at me.
I don't like having my time wasted.
You don't know
that it's a waste of time.
How can you be certain
it's a waste of time
unless you've spent the time
and determined it was a waste?
I really don't want
to have this conversation again.
You've gotten your way.
Let's leave it at that.
Who is it we're going to see and how
did they come to be barbecued?
Mr. Wiseman, please.
[SIGHS]
The man's name was Reynolds.
He was lying in bed,
had a fight with his lover.
And as she was headed
towards the door,
he was supposedly incinerated.
Wow, how convenient.
So does that mean
she was a witness?
I don't know.
I've asked that they find her,
and if possible, ask her to join us.
Come on, this is gonna be great.
[CAR ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Wow, Uncle Roger, you were right.
This place rocks.
I used to be able to do that.
When I was young.
Simply not possible.
To create enough heat
to incinerate a man's body,
you would also create
enough collateral heat
to burn down the rest of this room.
Probably the whole damn building.
And yet look at this place.
Doesn't even need
a new coat of paint.
Shh.
[WHISPERING]
I hear something.
Footsteps.
Key in the lock. Front door.
[WHISPERS]
Even I heard that.
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Why are we whispering?
We're supposed to be here.
- Hello.
- Ugh.
Miss Avalone.
My name is Dr. Theodore Morris.
I'm consulting with--
I know who you are.
They called me
and asked me to come see you.
I don't see the point.
I already confessed.
Confessed?
You already confessed?
Would you mind
if we did this in the bedroom?
Do we have to?
It would certainly be helpful.
Please.
ROBIN:
I knew it was going to happen.
I told him I had to leave.
Had to go study.
He was getting suspicious.
[SIGHS]
And I was always asking for money.
That didn't help.
He knew my parents were wealthy.
At a certain point, he just
sort of sensed that it didn't add up.
MORRIS:
I'm sorry.
What didn't add up?
What were you doing?
What is it
you were spending your money on?
Where were you really going
when you said you were studying?
To worship.
The money, the leaving, all of it.
To worship.
And he didn't like that?
- No.
MORRIS:- So you set him on fire
from the inside?
ROBIN:
Not me.
But I was the cause.
For those of us who are joining
whatever show it is you're watching,
which is clearly already in progress,
how were you the cause
of your boyfriend being dry roasted
from the small intestines out?
Billy loved me.
He thought
they were manipulating me.
They weren't.
They don't.
I like being there.
I mean, I love Bill too, but
I liked being there.
MORRIS:
Being where?
Where is it you would worship?
ROBIN:
At the Elevations.
The First Church of Elevations.
Reverend Kelso.
MORRIS:- Reverend Kelso?
- Reverend Kelso.
He's a very smart man.
He makes you feel safe, warm.
Anyway, Bill started making calls.
The police, the mayor's office,
calling attention.
Reverend Kelso
and the other church elders,
they called me in.
They started getting annoyed.
So you think perhaps
they're responsible for Billy's death?
ROBIN:
Oh, no.
That would be the master.
Of course.
And, uh, where would we find
the master?
I mean, if we were looking.
If we had a message
from his cousin Louie or something?
The master is everywhere.
And he who suggests that the master
and his Elevations do not exist,
and he who seeks to thwart the master
and the spreading of his Elevations
shall feel the fire burning within him.
And the greater the anger,
the master and his church,
the greater the heat of the fire.
Until, ultimately, the anger
and the fire will consume him,
so sayeth the master,
so sayeth the word.
Right. Get the operating room ready.
We're on our way back.
On our way back? Surely you jest.
Look at this face.
This face does not jest.
What about the Elevations?
What about the Elevations?
It's irrelevant.
It is?
[MORRIS SIGHS]
Mr. Wiseman,
simple deductive reasoning suggests
that since three people have
supposedly spontaneously combusted,
but only one appears
to be affiliated with this group,
membership in said group
is unrelated to the deaths.
Well, we don't know
that they aren't members.
We haven't actually checked.
Fine.
Putting those other two people aside,
no new-age metaphysical bunch
of confused baby boomers
with too much free time
and too much money
are responsible
for that man incinerating.
If, in fact, there was a man
and if, in fact, he incinerated.
Wow, you are close-minded.
Get in the car, please.
What would be the harm?
We'll run over to this church,
- Get in the car, please.
- check who is and isn't a member,
- Get in the car, please.
- see if anybody is smoldering.
- Get in the car, please.
- Ah!
Got it now.
- Got what now?
- You're afraid.
I'm afraid? Of what?
You're afraid that, for the first time
in your life, you're stumped.
Excuse me?
Come on, it's obvious.
You've got so much invested
in your scientific methods
and your physical absolutes
and your "if I can't explain it,
it must be a hoax or a fraud"
"or an elaborate practical joke"
approach to life
that you're afraid
if we go to that escalator place--
Elevators. Ugh.
- Elevations.
- Whatever.
--that you just might see something
or hear something
or feel something
that you can't explain.
You're trying to manipulate me,
Mr. Wiseman.
And it's not going to work.
Let's proceed directly
to the operating theater, please.
So how do you think
these people were killed?
MORRIS:
Don't know, don't care.
- Yes, you do.
MORRIS:- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
MORRIS:- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't.
Stumped, stumped, stumped.
Am not, am not, am not.
For the last time, Mr. Wiseman,
people do not spontaneously burst
into flames.
And whatever that woman says,
whatever her "master" says,
people do not ignite on their own
because of some imagined,
all-knowing, all-seeing higher power
who's offended by their actions.
It just doesn't happen.
- Says you.
- Says the laws of nature.
Not according
to the rammie-bammie chief hobgoblin
where that lady
goes to Sunday school.
That's because it's a hoax or a fraud
or an elaborate practical joke.
Prove it.
[GRUMBLES]
All right. Fine.
Take us to The First Church
of the Elevations, please.
[MORRIS CHUCKLES]
- Boy, now you're showing me.
- Mm-hm.
Hi. Uh, my name
is Lisa Wiseman and I'm--
I may be overreacting,
but my daughter is out
with a close family friend
practicing driving.
She has her permit.
Yes, I'm sure they will be too,
but it's been a few hours.
And I was just wondering
if you could keep an eye out for her.
My license plate number?
Sure.
I was thinking
while you took a look around,
I'd try and get my hands
on a membership roster.
And how are you gonna do that?
I'm not sure.
VANESSA: Is this your first time
in The First Church of the Elevations?
- Yes, it is.
- Well, Reverend Kelso
is giving an introductory lecture
right now in the auditorium
if you'd like to attend.
I'm sorry, we're not together.
I'm here on an insurance matter.
Fire insurance.
But he's in the market
for some enlightenment.
Very open-minded.
Aren't you?
Sure.
KELSO: Outside these walls,
outside this building,
it is a cold and angry world
filled with disconnected souls
which are trying desperately
to make sense out of this assault
on their senses,
which we call contemporary life.
But here, inside this womb,
which we call
The First Church of Elevations,
we have a process.
We have a method of living
which many people believe
helps them to deal with this assault,
this bombardment.
Now,
once you surrender
to the possibility of a life lived
according to the principles
of Elevation,
once you pledge
the mutually-agreed-upon percentage
of your time, your energy, your income
to Elevation,
its manifest benefits
will be made available to you instantly,
not in days, not in weeks,
not in years.
But the benefits of a life lived
according to the master
will be yours instantly.
You doubt me.
Many people,
when they sit in this room,
in this special place,
they report that they experience
feelings of contentment.
They report they experience
feelings of well-being.
The best candidates for success
here in our church
have reported actual feelings
of warmth.
Can you feel it?
It seems to come from inside,
from the soul, doesn't it?
And then
as quickly as it appeared,
this warmth is gone.
[ALL APPLAUDING]
We really ought to come up
with a story.
Uh, not that I'm suggesting we lie.
I'm just saying
that in a situation like this,
it's always good to come up
with a single version of events.
The less contradiction, the better.
- You understand that, right?
- Sure. Uh--
Of course.
You know, it is my fault
and she is my mother.
- I think I should be the one to tell her.
- No, no. No.
We'll do it together.
I am not without responsibility here,
Heather.
I am the adult.
I could've insisted that you slow down.
You did. Kind of.
You were making
that whimpering sound.
I knew what it meant.
Yes, but perhaps I should
have been clearer, stronger.
Whatever.
So, what do you call
that thing I landed on?
Uh, a crypt, honey.
That, uh, big, hard, square
thing is called a crypt.
No, I did not say
that she was a patient there.
I was asking if she had been admitted,
maybe through Emergency.
Heather Wiseman.
W-I-S-E-M-A--
[CAR APPROACHING]
Oh, my God.
WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:
Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?
LISA:
Oh, my God!
HEATHER:
I can explain.
It's a thing, not a person.
Aren't you glad that I'm all right,
that I'm safe?
Okay, I withdraw the question.
Uh, Lisa, I would like the opportunity
to explain why the--
MORRIS:
Mr. Wiseman.
What are you doing?
Somebody across the street
was watching Letterman
and, uh, during the commercials,
somebody over that way
rented Braveheart,
which I've always wanted to see.
It's tough to follow without picture.
Hmm.
- Are you okay?
- I don't know.
Can't sleep.
Wanna take a drive, get some food?
You serious?
It was the most incredible
experience, Mr. Wiseman.
Hey, there's a place that's open.
"We have our own charbroiler.”
That would be good.
Even as I was sitting there,
laughing to myself,
convinced that this man
was a fake and a fraud,
I feel this heat.
I feel it inside me.
That gas station has a mini-mart.
What do you think?
Feel like mini-marting it?
I'm a scientist.
I know this is not possible.
There's the train station.
They have stuff to eat in there.
So, what could it be?
There has to be a logical explanation,
right?
I look under my chair,
no hidden heat lamp,
no hot air vent, no nothing.
But it's growing warmer,
Mr. Wiseman.
- It's growing warmer.
- Listen.
I'm fascinated by all this,
but I'm really concerned
that whatever it is that put you
in your current frame of mind
is gonna wear off before
I've had a chance to chow down.
You think we could pull over
already?
I think I saw a place
with a vending machine in the lobby.
You do have change, right?
[MUZAK PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
Mr. Wiseman,
I want you to do something for me.
Kind of a science experiment.
I don't know. It all depends.
Can I eat first?
Absolutely. Take a bite.
You're awfully excited about this.
- What's in it?
- I don't know. It's a cheeseburger.
It's got cheese and a burger,
I suppose.
Uh, take a bite before it cools off.
[MORRIS CHUCKLING]
MICHAEL:
Mm.
Well?
More like medium-well.
But nice and hot, right?
Nice and hot.
Describe the heat.
"Describe the heat"?
Wouldn't you say
it's hottest in the center?
That's how microwaves cook,
you know?
From the center out,
from the inside out.
Just like I began to this afternoon
in that auditorium.
Wow.
[LAUGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
VANESSA:
Come in.
Hello, Vanessa.
Hello, Reverend Kelso.
So this is where Ed
He was a fine lawyer, a good friend,
and a believer in the church.
Or so I thought.
Are you a believer in the church,
Vanessa?
I don't know what I believe in anymore,
Reverend Kelso.
Is that why you called me,
asked me to come here?
Two men from the government
came to see me about my mom.
- They say you killed her.
- Me?
How could I have killed her?
You know what happened.
She wanted you to leave the church.
She started hiring lawyers,
detectives.
These things are the providence
of the master, not me.
I certainly can't make anyone
burst into flame.
They say you can.
And you did.
They told me
when you lived in the Soviet Union
that you invented
some kind of microwave gun,
that the government had no money
to finance your research,
and that when you escaped
to the West,
no one who does that kind of research
would hire you
because of your work
for the former Soviet Union.
They told you that, huh?
What I'd like to know
is where did you ever get the idea
to found a church?
- May I come in?
- And you are?
The man who figured out
who you are.
[MORRIS CHUCKLES]
You really had me stumped
for a while.
Really messed with my head.
And then it came to me,
that auditorium,
it's really just
a giant microwave oven.
You turn up the heat,
enough for everyone to feel
a little tingle in their bellies.
So they think
they're having an epiphany
and that you really are
the Second Coming.
[CHUCKLES]
It's brilliant.
You must make a fortune.
Which is why, of course,
you had to start cooking anyone
that might make trouble.
Like my mother
or Mr. Delongpre or--
You know who the others are.
Vanessa.
This is absurd.
I am just a minister, a shepherd.
Those who transgress,
those who threaten the church
or any of its members,
their fate is sealed
by a power higher than mine.
- Do tell.
- Oh. Wow.
Is it just my imagination
or is it getting warm in here?
Oh, my.
This is what I was afraid of.
You challenge me,
the master challenges you.
But don't worry, I shall rush right back
to the church and pray for you both.
Please! Don't!
MICHAEL:
So you're the shepherd, huh?
KELSO: Who are you?
Where did you come from?
Me?
I'm the other government guy.
I've been downstairs listening.
I heard every word that you said.
Also, the Giants are ahead 7-zip
at the end of the third quarter.
It's a gift. Like your heat thing.
Shh.
You know what I hear now?
People inside there
staggering towards the door.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
MORRIS:- Let us out, please!
- I don't wanna go in there.
VANESSA:- I beg you, Reverend Kelso!
- You don't wanna go in there.
VANESSA:
Let us out!
KELSO:
Now, I don't know what to do.
I don't have the key.
I know. I know. Let's call for help.
No problem. Don't worry.
I'll get the door open.
No, no, we don't want to go in there.
VANESSA:
Please let us out!
Sure we do.
No!
MORRIS:
Let us out. Please, let us out.
VANESSA:
Help.
Help. Help.
Oh, please, get us out.
I'm burning up in here.
That must have hurt.
Would you like some dry ice
for that?
You don't understand.
Across the street, my gun,
the microwave.
Oh, my friend here disconnected that
about 30 seconds after you set it up.
Oh, forgive me,
you haven't been properly introduced.
Reverend Kelso, Mr. Newman.
Mr. Newman,
this is the Reverend Kelso.
Ah, gee,
I hope I didn't throw you too hard.
For what it's worth,
many people I do that to
report that they experience
strong feelings of contentment,
a feeling of well-being.
Some even report a feeling
of warmth.
Can you feel it?
[DOOR THUDS
THEN LISA GRUNTS]
- Oh. So how did it go?
- Well
Well, she kept all four wheels
on the ground, right?
- Heh. Mostly.
- Ha, ha.
Wow, Uncle Roger,
your car really kicks ass.
It does?
Oh, no.
Oh, dear.