Nurse Jackie s01e12 Episode Script

Previously on Nurse Jackie: Eddie and your husband become friends and the Titanic is sinking, and only one of them gets to survive.
Which one? I like that one.
- Me too.
- We'll take it.
Every interaction is stored in the Pill-O-Matix.
Your shitty pill dispenser is replacing me.
Does she have a boyfriend? - Who? - Is Jackie seeing anyone? I was going through my divorce, and - He's allergic to codeine.
- But I gave him fentanyl.
It's a different opiate.
He had some earlier and he was fine.
Because he was given correct dosage.
Can you read? You're off the floor.
No patients.
You can answer phones.
That's it.
This is not good.
He's a fucking criminal.
It's her father.
Stepfather.
My sister's gonna be destroyed.
Have you heard from your sister? She got as far as the hospital and then was turned away from our mother's bedside by the stepfather.
So if it resets itself, you can get anything you need.
Think about it as going-away present number two.
She tries to come across as this, like, "Oh, welcome to the parish.
" Well, I hated her then and I hate her now.
And you should have seen her kid.
It's good you didn't have kids with Ginny Flynn.
Why would I have had kids with Ginny Flynn? I know about you guys.
It was two weeks when we were 16.
And then you met me.
And then I met you.
Oh, boy.
I'm so tired, Kev.
- I know, babe.
- How am I gonna make this up to Grace? Know what she's gonna remember? Yeah, that her mother got her kicked out of a tap class.
No, that you were protecting her.
She's not gonna end up in therapy? No, she's probably still gonna end up in therapy, but not for this.
I got a little surprise for you when you get off work.
You do? I do.
Actually, it's a pretty big surprise.
But you gotta come here to get it.
To the bar, midnight.
My sister's taking the girls.
How intriguing.
It's supposed to be.
Who is luckier than me? Not Ginny Flynn.
- Hey.
You open? - Not for another hour.
But, hey, come on in.
What can I get you? What kind of beer you got? I've never been a fan of movies where idiots talk to people in comas.
Would you consider signing something clearing All Saints of any neglect or malfeasance? Just a thought.
We'll talk more when you wake up.
Tylenol.
Blow me.
I'm initiating an investigation into the Nutterman coma before I send him to the ICU.
I see.
Well, I'm sure if you need anything, you'll let me know.
Jackie.
I need an official statement.
I want you and Zoey in my office in five minutes.
Thank you, Jesus.
Unacceptable.
- Nurses' station, please hold.
- My name is Zoey Barkow and I'm really, really sorry, Mr.
Nutterman.
Nurses' station, please hold.
Nurses' station, please hold.
Zoey, can you get over here, please? Hello? Hello? Pick up the phone, ladies.
- Hello? - Nurses' station, hold please.
- What's up with your scrubs? - They're gray.
Yes, I can see that.
I don't like them.
I don't like them either.
That's why I'm wearing them.
That's not a good reason.
- I'm wearing them as a sign of remorse.
- Yeah, I get it.
I get it, Zoey.
- Nurses' station, hold please.
- This is Gloria Akalitis.
I am stuck in an elevator.
Do not hang up on me! - Who did you just hang up on? - Mrs.
Akalitis.
Or not.
I think she's stuck in the elevator.
There's gonna be an investigation into Mr.
Nutterman, isn't there? Yes.
Should I call the elevator repair? No.
Do not Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? - Well, that went well.
- What's that? Nutterman's neuro consult.
- We need to talk.
- Not true.
You broke your own finger.
I'm sorry? I'll be right back.
It took me a second, but I figured it out.
You were trying to cover your ass with the donor.
Okay.
You panicked, broke your own finger and came crying to me so I'd feel sorry for you and tape it up.
But what you didn't count on was that you and I have amazing chemistry.
You kissed me right here, in this exact room.
Right where we're standing.
So I broke my own finger so I could have alone time with you because we have amazing chemistry.
You said it, not me.
You are a moron.
Man, I thought we were getting a Pyxis.
Okay, but how unflattering? Pretty unflattering.
Donkeys are gray.
Think about it.
What if he wakes up and the first thing he sees is me wearing kitty scrubs? He'll think I don't take what happened seriously.
- Well, what if he never wakes up? - Hey.
Or what if he wakes up but he's blind? What about us? We're stuck watching you in gray.
- Takes a village.
- That's not what that means.
Yes, it is.
America's next top model, two o'clock.
- Dibs.
- But Oh, please.
She'll eat you alive.
- Hi, how can I help you? - Fucking Dominican.
Norwegian.
Hop off the raft and New York State gives you a flatiron and a salon on Essex Street, no questions asked.
What the fuck? Fire in the nightclub? She got her hair straightened.
My neighbor's Jewish, very fro-y.
She goes to a place on Adam Clayton Powell.
I can get the number if you want.
I want her to be my nurse.
I'd love to, but I've been stripped of my powers.
Is that your wife? Yeah.
Jackie.
Beautiful.
Are you married? Nope.
I'm seeing someone, but, you know, she's married, two kids.
It's a rough road.
Brother, you don't know the half of it.
Oh, no.
Is that gum? Did I mention that tonight around about 10-ish l'm going to break the law? - Well, if you did, I missed it.
- Well, I am and I need your help.
I would expect no less.
I'm having my mother shipped in from London.
Much like a pair of shoes.
If you're waiting for me to unleash tears you'll be old and gray without a tooth.
Nice visual.
Oh, look.
Mr.
Nutterman, your reflexes are alive and kicking.
Legally, I can't touch the paperwork.
So I need you to admit her as a Jane Doe found down at Gramercy Park.
I just wanna get a look at her with my own eyes.
I'm already on the hooks for one coma.
What's one more? That's the spirit.
Akalitis called from the elevator again.
Wants to know if the repair guys are here yet.
Tell her yes.
- Are they? - Nope.
Looks like Nutterman's waking up.
See if we can get that tube out of him.
Think we'll dodge a lawsuit? God, I fucking hope so.
It was my student who dosed him.
I don't need this shit, Mohammed.
I really don't.
Just keep Akalitis in the elevator.
Ladies and gentlemen, the very lovely and talented Gloria Akalitis.
Applause, applause, applause.
It is nice to see you again, Dave.
Yeah, I know.
Well, you know, my very dear friend Neil Nutterman Oh, you know Neil? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, we were just remarking about how momentous this year has been both in healthcare and in cinema.
And Me and Neil? No, we're just friends.
Hey, you've reached Eddie.
Leave it.
Hey, Eddie, it's me.
I think I'm doing something wrong.
Can you call when you get a minute? Thanks.
Bye.
Love you.
Fifty-year-old male.
Discharged last week after laparoscopic hernia repair.
- Blew his sutures.
- How's your pain, Mr.
Jackson? Good.
Nothing.
Sat down to watch the game, took a bite of pizza: His intestines are popping out.
Mortuary school.
I'm tired of people yelling at me while I'm trying to save them.
Yeah, I hear you.
Hey, Zoey, how you doing? - Good, I guess.
- Heard you put a guy in a coma.
Is that why you're with the laundry? Won't let you near the patients anymore? Does everybody know? And I still can be near patients.
I just can't treat them.
Just keep your head down and don't get mea culpa with the nuns here.
- They're the worst.
- Smart man.
So you wanna grab a slice after work or something? No.
No.
No.
That's cool.
Zoey, just go to your locker, put on your happy-monkey scrubs.
Please, truly.
Nutterman is gonna come out of this thing, I promise.
So just go.
Even if I don't get fired, I never wanna administer meds again.
You fall off that horse, you get right back on.
- I know, but I nearly killed him.
- Okay, keep that to yourself.
I should tell him the truth, even if he never wakes up.
You know what, Zoey? Clearing your conscience is not gonna make him feel any better.
It's gonna make you feel better.
It feels like you're doing the right thing, but you're not.
It's selfish.
- Honesty is the best policy.
- No.
No, it's not.
Stay.
Night shifts.
So, wait, she comes home in the morning then? That's gotta suck a little.
You know what she does? Tell me.
She asks me what I want for breakfast.
No matter how fucking tired she is.
Rubs my back, makes me eggs.
Life of Riley.
I haven't heard that one in a while.
Yeah, well, hang around me, you'll hear all sorts of shit.
Cheers.
You know what I was thinking? You deserve better than an open relationship.
But don't listen to me.
I'm a mess with this stuff.
I used to think I was good at it.
Not me.
No clue.
I'm so messed up right now.
It's embarrassing.
I like her so much and I know I shouldn't.
I keep thinking, if he knew how much it hurt Yeah, me too.
I think I got a handle on it.
- Really, no pain? - Nope.
I'm good.
You know, my ex-wife used to bitch that I never talk.
Look at me now.
I'm spilling my guts here.
Think she'll take me back? - Want us to call her for you? - No.
- Might get a little sympathy.
- Blood from a stone.
Know what you need to do? You need to make this guy jealous.
What's his thing? What kind of guys does he like? Straight guys.
Give me your phone.
- What for? - Trust me.
How about a? How about a shot of Jack? - Yeah? - Yeah.
- All right.
- All right.
All right.
Sharing one with me.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Can I show you something? Absolutely.
Wow, that's nice.
It's the ring I could never afford to give her.
Still can't.
But what the fuck, right? I'm gonna surprise her with it tonight.
How about that? - How about another? - Please.
Not prompt.
- I hate this fucking thing.
- Not as much as I do.
Wanna bet? You don't have a Xanax, do you? Not on my person, thanks very much.
Doesn't hurt to ask.
It'd be really sad of me to be squirreling away pills in my pockets don't you think? Yes.
Yes, you're right.
We're waiting for your mom? We are.
Don't make me beg for moral support.
I'm right here.
- Goddamn it, Zoey, change your scrubs.
- They're really grim.
How is that gonna make Randy jealous? Come here.
Come here.
Ready? Nice rebound, Coop.
- No, wait, wait.
I was just - Oh, my God.
Kidding.
Is that who you're all messed up about? Mr.
Nutterman? Are those rabbits? I was actually wearing gray scrubs before you woke up.
You know, proper coma attire.
I guess it was a little depressing, but I felt like I had to do something.
Anyway, how are you feeling? Thirsty.
How about you? Super relieved and very sorry.
I heard you the first time.
"My name is Zoey Barkow and I'm really, really sorry.
" You know, Mr.
Nutterman, I'm not so crazy about Kevin Costner either.
Do I know him? What movie won the Oscar for Best Picture last year? When was Showgirls? That was a good movie.
Okay, bye.
Oh, my God, I broke him.
I heard every word, but did I touch you? Don't fucking touch me.
- Oh, fuck.
- Hey, everybody.
How are you? I wanted to see how the fucking robot's working out for you.
Jackie, how about you? How do you like it? I don't, as a matter of fact.
- Let's go outside, okay? - Yeah.
Eddie Walzer, you are drunk.
Yeah.
So what? What are you gonna do, fire me again? I'm asking you to leave.
Back off, Akalitis.
I got magic bracelets.
- Magic fucking bracelets.
- All right, that's enough.
How about me and Eddie go have coffee? How about that? Think of the possibilities.
Jackie and Eddie, Eddie and Jackie having coffee.
- Please stop.
- All right, I'm calling security.
Oh, just save your bullets, all right? I'm leaving.
I met Kevin.
And that's a very nice boy you got.
Don't touch me, man.
Don't fucking touch me.
Picked up a Jane Doe at the airport.
Kind of sad.
Probably somebody's mother.
Fucking depressing, that's what that is.
She's all yours.
Look away.
Fucking piece of fucking shit.
Oh, excuse me.
Keep that hand elevated.
Hear me when I say it's gonna be fine.
I'll meet your kid.
I got a little surprise for you when you get off work.
- Mommy, I can't breathe.
- I think you're a saint.
Think of the possibilities.
Jackie and Eddie, Eddie and Jackie.
- It's been raining a lot lately.
- I want the hospital to burn down.
Don't make me beg for moral support.
You gotta come here to get it.
To the bar, midnight.
Anyone else see that?