Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014) s01e12 Episode Script

Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day! Except when they don't.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie! Score a goal! I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero Did someone order a robot? I hope this doesn't offend any actual robots.
Hope you like your salsa hot, 'cause these hips are on fire.
Ooh! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Muy caliente.
That's it, idiots.
Dance your lives away, when you could be standing next to the punch bowl with your arms crossed.
Tap dancing sounds best when in the bathroom, but I can swing anywhere.
Come on, girl.
Huh.
I feel like I am 1,014 again.
Cool.
Beach day.
And what am I wearing? Huh.
Sashi, Specs? The checking of them.
All right.
The water from our home planet is being stolen by a ship sent by the space dictator, Count Destructo.
We have to get it back.
Count Destructo is gonna be so impressed with how I stole an entire planet's water.
I bet he makes me What's below Count? Baron? Duke? - I'm pretty sure it's nurse.
- Me, a nurse? Why not? You're a nurturing person? Sir, the water is changing direction.
Somebody from our own fleet is stealing my stolen water? Make contact with their captain.
He's going to return the water, or I'll blow him to smithereens! Aye, aye, nurse.
Captain, surrender that water or prepare to suffer the consequences.
Captain is so formal.
My enemies call me Lady Starblaster.
You make my heart so cold So cold, it chills my bones Baby, there's no one Mm-mm, that's good Larry.
Oh, dear, this happens a lot.
He's fantasizing about spending a lifetime with me.
Sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
Oh, you're so beautiful.
Sorry.
I was just calling because I was stealing that water's planet.
That planet no, the water the planet's water.
But then you took it, which is totally cool.
I'd love to listen to you stammering your way through a sentence, but I have a yoga class at 4:00.
These thighs don't sculpt themselves, you know.
I'll give you ten seconds to surrender.
Ten, nine, eight, seven Tell her that her cape looks totes adorbs.
- I don't need your help.
- Three.
You know, your cape looks really, um totes adorbs.
Thank you.
It's made out of silk and despair.
Dry clean only.
Ready? Three, two, one.
- Aim - Before you fire, I just noticed a do-gooder land on your ship.
I've dealt with him before.
He's going to try and get that water back.
I'd be honored if you let me board your ship, - and get rid of him for you.
- Oh, very well.
If you succeed, this could be the beginning of an evil partnership.
Lady Starblaster invited Count Destructo to a party, and we're in charge of the hors d'oeuvres.
We're talking fight class.
Set your hard circuits to silent.
All right, when Sashi's done, we'll use the parts to disguise ourselves as waiter bots.
Then we go to the party and figure out how to get the water back.
Hello.
May I offer you a space rat on a cracker? It's so delicious.
Yes, thank you.
Mmm.
That's good space rat.
Just wow.
So here I am.
I don't see how this is possible, but those look like pit stains on your metal suit.
- Oh, thank you.
- Have you caught the intruders? - Not yet.
- Tell her you love her.
How is your, um - is your boyfriend coming? - Oh, no.
It's hard to date when you're trying to take over the universe.
Also, I have a thing for men who have hair like a skunk monster.
She's talking about me.
Count Destructo should be here any minute.
I've invited him to watch my most horrendous achievement yet.
Once the container is filled with all the stolen water, it will automatically drop off into the planet, knocking it into its neighboring planet, and so on and so on and so on, destroying the entire solar system! - Kiss her.
- What? Please ignore my human-looking eyes.
Lady Starblaster, it seems we have a hug I mean, a kiss I mean a date night, I mean, a hero in our midst, and his undying love I mean, his sidekicks.
Well done, Captain.
I usually know within five minutes how much I'm going to hate someone.
But I'm hating you slightly less than I thought I would.
Take them to the pump room.
Let them watch the last of the planet's precious water be pumped, and throw them in with it.
When you're done, meet me back here for a dance.
Dance? Oh, looks like someone's going to dance his life away tonight.
What have you got planned? A Fosse four-step? A straight-leg scorpion? A little Lindy hop, perhaps? That's none of your business.
Oh, I'm going to look like a fool in front of the woman of my bad dreams.
I don't know how to dance.
- I could teach you.
- You have to accept.
Penn won Middleburg's snazziest feet award - three years running.
- Okay, fine.
Let's do this real quick, then I'll shoot you out - into the vacuum of space.
- All right, sounds good.
Principal Larry, some tango music, if you please.
I thought you'd never ask.
Your hands, they go back here, and over here.
Then we just go like this.
Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.
Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.
This is good.
You're doing good.
- Ow! My foot! - Sorry.
I totally messed that up.
That's just because you're dancing with your feet, and not with your soul.
- A little faster now? - Yes.
Excellent.
Try leading me by pushing slightly - with your hand.
- All right.
- Oh, great.
- Yes.
That's it.
You're doing it! I'm doing it.
By Jove, I think Oh, of course.
We'll have our next lesson in Middleburg after we have returned the water to the planet.
I don't think so.
Never send a man to do a woman's job.
I couldn't agree more.
Sashi, I am absolutely terrified of you.
Help.
Please, save me! Quick.
Grab onto my hair, my wicked witch of the best.
Aah! I promise one day, we'll be married by a giant bat.
How stupid can you be? I was just using you to catch the do-gooders.
You're too useless to even do that.
My chakras are completely out of whack.
Nobody betrays my bestie! Ho-ho, join me, man-baby.
We'll get rid of your captain, and we'll rule the galaxy tog - Get away from him, you witch.
- Aaah! Baby! Her double-crossing me only made me love her more.
I wish I'd gotten that dance.
May I have this dance? Got to watch Rippen fumble around.
Do some dancing, and now this.
Pretty fun Tuesday.
Thanks for always having my back.
- That is what best friends are for.
- Ahem.
Count Destructo! Hey, what up, boy-y-y? This happens a lot.
Okay, today you'll go back to world you have visit before.
Well, then this should be a piece of cake.
No.
Piece of cake world you'll never go back to.
So much blood.
Good luck.
Whoo, dinosaur cowboy world.
Yee-ha! - I missed this place.
- Big "Butt," what up? Butte.
It's pronounced "Butte.
" Ah.
Nothin' like freshly squeezed dino milk.
Guys, just 'cause we've been here before doesn't mean this mission will be easy.
- Rippen's been here before, too.
- And we smoked him.
So check the specs, Sash, 'cause unless Rippen has concocted some game changer to win this time Sashi! Game changer? Y'all can't win the mission if y'all don't know what it is.
- Penn! - Helmet.
- Penn! - Sash? Where'd he take her? How are we gonna win the mission if Sashi didn't even tell us what the mission is? Why am I yelling everything I'm worried about? Wait.
I know who can help us.
The same guy we helped last time we were here.
Sheriff Scaley Briggs.
Oh, Scaley, I didn't know you long, but I really admired everything you stood for.
Rest in peace, my friend.
He's alive! Ugh! From the smell of that breath, I'm not so sure.
It's weird that Sheriff Scaley Briggs sleeps in a coffin.
It's the cheapest bed I could buy.
Plus, it's great for my back.
Sheriff Scaley Briggs should have his back examined by a board certified orthopedist.
Now if you don't mind, I got work to do.
Sheriff Scaley Briggs has never done and honest day's work Listen, stranger, I'd love to talk, but I gotta board over that skylight.
Stranger? Scaley, it's us, remember? We helped you save the town's gold, and served as a catalyst for your unexpected redemption story.
I mean, pretty important to you.
Look, you have a photo of us on your wall.
I thought that just came with the frame.
Eh.
It doesn't matter.
We need your help.
Our friend was kidnapped by bandits on a pteranodon.
Look, I'd love to help you ladies, but the town's cow-o-saurs keep getting stolen by bandits on a pteranodon.
That's literally what I just said.
I said bandits on a pteranodon.
Well, I wasn't paying attention.
Let's ride.
Well, well, well.
None of your pals around to help figure out what I'm up to? - You're trying to steal every - Save your batteries, kid.
I'll just tell you.
I'm going to steal every last cow-o-saur in Big Butt.
Butte.
It's pronounced Butte.
We only have one cow-o-saur left, and since Penn has no idea that's what he's trying to stop, - I'd say this one's in the bag.
- You know what I have in the bag? - An avocado and a bunch of angry snakes.
- Ahh! Larry! Hey, untie me.
- I'm not afraid to hit a girl.
- Neither am I.
If it makes you feel any better, you've made it further than anyone else.
I see you've met Amber, our little safety net.
Back to the barn.
You're not going anywhere.
The rustler's ranch should be over towards that there light.
- Uh, that's the sun.
- Well, la-di-da, Mr.
Scientist.
Scaley, is everything okay? Of course it is.
Why do you ask? Uh, a couple of reasons.
Nothin' big.
Uh, eating your boot is probably one of 'em.
Not knowing what the sun is is also one.
I lost someone very dear to me, and it's been hard for me to concentrate or eat appropriate things, ever since.
This tastes so good, and hurts so much.
You're a pretty good bad guy.
How'd you end up on the wrong side of the law? Well, I tried to be a good guy, but someone didn't think I was tough enough.
Who is it you're trying to impress? My pa.
- Scaley Briggs.
- Sheriff Scaley Briggs? Sheriff Scaley Briggs.
Sheriff Scaley Briggs? Sheriff Scaley Briggs.
And I don't want to talk about it.
But I will go to the roof alone and sing my backstory to myself.
Moonlight bright, please light the way My heart longs for kinder days When Pa would take me down the trail See the world from a dino's tail But he'd never let me ride by his side As his deputy To him, I was never tough enough So I chose this life of crime for me Moonlight bright, won't you light the way My little girl has gone away How could I let her ride with me Life's too dangerous as a deputy But I sure do miss my Amber so sweet I'm missin' my pa tonight But he's/she's still wrong So I'll sing out this song To the lonesome moonlight bright To the lonesome moonlight bright You boys didn't hear that, did you? This is as far as I go.
Scaley, when we rescue our friend, you have to tell Amber how you feel.
- 'Cause it's not too late for you guys.
- I got nothin' to say to Amber.
But if you see her, you tell her her pa says she's always welcome to come home and clean her room.
What are we waitin' for? We got one last cow-o-saur to rustle.
Why aren't we rustlin' it? Oh, don't worry.
I have a plan.
Rippen smells like my cow-o-saur's udder! Ah, they're here.
Get that cow-o-saur.
- Where's Boone? - He and his cow-o-saur - are distracting Rippen.
- Oh, no.
You brought me the last cow-o-saur.
Now all I have to do is get it into the corral and I win.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Can I just say, you have impeccable manners? Lower your prickly pear slingshot, partner.
You and your friend back it up slowly into the barn.
Easy, easy.
That prickly pear looks pretty prickly.
Your fancy alliteration won't get you out of this situation.
Pa? Yes, well, this was a charming reunion, but it's winning time.
There's a new sheriff in town.
Aw, he kept this sweet picture of them.
Probably only because he liked how he looked.
- Oh, he kept her drawing.
- Probably just for scrap paper.
Aw, her baby teeth, favorite childhood book, and first spurs.
Oh! Larry, you were more helpful with the bag of snakes and avocado.
I'm sorry, Pa.
The best advice I ever got was don't pass gas in a sauna.
But the second-best advice was from one of these nameless drifters who I just met who told me I needed to tell you how I feel.
I was overprotective.
But I always knew you were tough.
Fine.
I'm making me the new sheriff in town! Thank you, me.
I accept.
Now, to go in by myself.
I'm gonna lock you up and throw away the key.
You mean that key.
- Pa! - I'm okay.
It's actually more comfortable in here than in the coffin.
Hee-ya! He's gonna get the last cow-o-saur in the corral.
I don't know what's better actually winning, or having a bird's-eye view of you people losing.
Amber, I wish this was a more proper ceremony, but I hereby deputize you.
I'm on it, Pa.
- Penn, he's gonna win.
- I don't think so.
Hee-ya! - Time to bust this bird-o-saur.
- No! Rita! You know, for a pretty good bad guy, you're not a bad good guy.
I didn't really follow that, but thanks.
Amber, you done good.
Give your pa a hug.
Maybe after you've showered.