Rita Rocks (2008) s01e12 Episode Script
I Write the Songs
Hey, Mom, what's this? Oh, that is an ice cream maker your father bought me for our fifth anniversary.
Turns out the gift for five years is 20 extra pounds.
We can make ice cream at home and we don't? That's just insane.
You know what, little one? You know what, you're right.
Okay, it looks like I'll be desperately craving chocolate in about two days, so Yay, ice cream.
Hey, here's your mail.
Hey.
Thank you, Patty.
Gotta go.
W-what? Wait, aren't you going to stay and gib-gab? No, no, gibbing, no gabbing.
I gotta go.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no-- this is our thing.
You bring me the mail, then we sit down and we talk about all the people you snoop on on your route while we drink or coffee.
(chuckles): What, wha what makes you assume that that's our thing? (chortles) You made me get you this "Patty" mug.
Look, I don't know anything about anybody's business.
What makes you think that I'd know anything about anybody's business anyway? Because if knowing people's business was a business, you'd be Microsoft.
Spill.
Okay, okay, okay, but if it is what I think it is, you're not going to like it.
(sighs) I think Kip might be cheating on Hallie.
You mean cheating off Hallie? Like on a test, 'cause that I buy.
No.
You know the Spencers? Yeah.
Okay, well, they have a 17-year-old daughter.
Now, I have seen Kip with her over there more than once, talking and laughing.
And then, they go into her house.
Where there are bedrooms.
Wow.
Oh, a house with bedrooms, yeah, that's suspicious.
I'm just telling you what I saw.
I don't know, Patty, there's no way that Kip is cheating on Hallie! Hi, Mama.
Hi, Patty.
Mom, can I borrow the car? Yes, as long as you promise to leave your radio station on really loud so the next time I start the car, I get a little heart attack.
No problem.
I'm going to the mall.
Oh, um, have you seen Kip? No, why why would I've seen Kip? Yeah, I mean, we don't keep track of Kip.
No, I what do you think, we sit around talking about where Kip is? We don't.
No, I So you don't know where Kip is and you don't know where your meds are.
I don't know about this whole Kip thing.
Do you really think? No, no, no, I'm not absolutely sure, but the only way to be sure is to spy on him from across the street in my mail truck.
Well, that would just be wrong.
Oh, yeah, that-that would just be wrong.
So how long do we have to stand here until we do it anyway? Girl, I was waiting on you.
All right.
RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC So, any sign of that girl, and as I may soon be calling him, Kip the Man Whore? Shh! I'm watching the hunky guy in the split-level doing tae bo.
Ooh, I'd love to tie a bow around him.
Patty, Patty, I'm fairly sure this is illegal, and you're supposed to be spying on this house.
Aw, okay.
Give me that.
Neck, neck, neck, neck, neck! Yeah, all right.
Ow! My cookies.
God, it's so sad, those people.
They just sit around their houses all day just waiting for something interesting to oh, my God! I think we got something! We got something! What? What? Is that the somebody you saw him with earlier? Oh, yeah, there's that little tramp.
Mm-hmm.
Cute dress, though.
Really cute.
Oh, yeah, this is terrible.
Hallie would never believe me if told her.
I've got to get a picture of this.
Oh, maybe it's just an innocent hug.
"Innocent hug.
" If it was innocent, it would be ending.
Right about now.
Right now.
Or now.
Gosh, get a room, guys.
No, no, don't.
Oh, gosh, he's turning towards us.
Duck! Oh! Ow.
Ow.
Hey.
All right, he's gone.
Oh, man, this is not good.
What am I going to tell Hallie? She's going to be brokenhearted.
Okay, you really need to think about it, you know? Yeah.
Just compose your thoughts, Yeah.
maybe take a walk down the block.
Let's say, by those condos on the corner, you see I'm not going to deliver any more mail for you, Patty.
Fine.
All right, have no fear, your super shopper is here.
I, uh I think I got everything on the list, except for I couldn't find "zero ranges.
" What are zero ranges? You mean, "oranges"? Oranges! There was a big space between the "O" and the ranges.
Honey, we've got bigger problems than your inability to read the word "oranges.
" But zero ranges? What's going on? Well, I didn't want to believe it, but but today when I was delivering mail I'm sorry, you Long story.
Patty and I saw this.
Ooh.
Yeah, that's Kip hugging someone that is clearly not our daughter.
(groaning) Oh, are you okay? Yeah, yeah.
I just I think it's I think it's the feeling of being happy and sad at the same time.
You know, on one hand, you know, this-this could break them up, but then, you know, on the other hand, (giggles): this could break them up! I think we need to talk to tell her.
Oh, honey, come on.
Don't you think you're jumping the gun a little bit? It was a hug.
It could mean a million things.
Not when you're 16.
Do you remember your high school hugs? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
What is that supposed to mean? Debbie Trebbiano.
We kind of had it hot and heavy for each other.
We both loved Flock of Seagulls.
You should've seen my hair.
I have a feeling if I saw the none of this would be here.
All right, well, yeah, I think Hallie should know the truth, but I don't think we should be the ones to tell her.
You know, I say we confront Kip and make him tell her.
Yeah, let Kip be the bad guy.
Him and his wandering arms.
"Oh, I'm Kip.
I'll hug you or I'll hug you.
"I don't care.
I'll hug anybody.
I'll hug I'll hug blindly.
I'll just hug.
" Okay, so I can see you're on your way down the crazy trail.
I, uh I'm gonna go get change.
I got hoops tonight.
Wait, wait, sweetie, what are these? For wine bottles, right? "Cork stops.
" Pork chops, Jay, pork chops.
Wha? Hey.
Hey, what'd you get? I got Kip this cool, vintage jacket.
Oh, that looks expensive.
Yeah, it cost me a couple paychecks, but his old one has a huge rip in the lining.
And, I mean, there's no way I'm sewing it for him.
What am I, Amish? Did, did you keep the receipt in case you need to return it? Why would I return it? I don't know, in case it doesn't work out.
You know, it's not right for him.
Or, I don't know, he's not right for you.
What are you talking about? It's perfect.
And he deserves it.
He's an awesome boyfriend.
Hallie, sit down.
There's something I need to tell you that you're not going to want to hear.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I left my flat iron on again.
I know, there's global warming.
There's a polar bear crying somewhere.
No, that's that's not it.
Kip is cheating on you.
What are you talking about? I have reason to believe that Kip is cheating on you with another girl.
Now, look, I know this seems really bad, but look at it as a blessing in disguise.
How? Well, because one day another great guy is going to come into your life.
Look, the important thing is that I'm here for you.
Wait a minute.
What makes you think that Kip is cheating on me? This picture.
I'm sorry, honey.
Do you want to go shopping or, you know, get a makeover? Mom.
Sit down.
There's something that I have to tell you that you might not want to hear.
What? This is just a girl from some band that Kip's been sitting in with.
What are you talking about? Kip's not cheating on me with another girl.
He's cheating on you with another band.
What? I No I know.
I know it seems really bad.
But you know what, this could be a blessing in disguise.
How? Because, because someday another great drummer is going to come into your band.
And the important thing is that I'm here for you.
Oh, sorry, Mom.
You want to go shopping or get a makeover? No! No, no! No! I don't want a makeover.
This blows.
No, but like you said, it could be a blessing in disguise.
Oh, there's no such thing as blessings in disguise.
That's just something you tell your kids when things suck and you have nothing else to say.
(band warming up) Watch out! I Shh! Move your foot out of my way! Shh! You guys! I think that's them.
I just don't know why Kip wouldn't tell us that he's playing with another band.
Well, I can see him not telling you guys, but me? We're bass and drums.
We lay down the bottom.
You don't just screw with that magic.
Shh! Just calm down.
I'm sure we have nothing to worry about.
It's probably just some lame kids' band.
Patty's right.
I mean, it's just I don't like all this sneaking around, all the deception, you know? Now, go grab that bench so we can jump up on it and peek in.
Go! Go! Go! Yeah, come on.
What is he doing? What are you, a cartoon cat sneaking up on a bird? The interesting end to your day I'd be the flower At the end of your stay I'd be the voice in your head The body in bed The funny little thing That made my face turn red Ooh Ooh (clattering loudly) (groans) I fell on my mints.
Let's get out of here.
What are you guys doing here? When were you gonna tell us you joined another band? Yeah, when were you gonna tell us? Y-You guys have it all wrong.
I'm not joining this band.
I'm just sitting in until their drummer gets back.
ALL: Oh Yeah, yeah, he's just recovering from a bad nipple piercing.
Ew So it's just a temporary thing.
Plus, it's kind of nice to sit in with a band that plays originals.
That was their song? They all are.
W-W-Wait, the song we just heard that catchy little tune that could be on the radio, like, today-- someone in the garage wrote that? Yeah, sometimes they just jam and something comes out of it.
I got to get back.
We're rehearsing this song that Kestrin the cello player wrote in a diner this morning.
(scoffing): Of course she did.
Sitting there with a cigarette, a beret, speaking French.
How'd you know she speaks French? They always do.
(band playing "Hit Me with Your Best Shot") RITA & PATTY: Hit me with your best shot Why don't you hit me with your best shot BOTH: Hit me with your best shot Fire away Hit me With your shots of bestness Hit me With your best sho-ho-hot Hit hit me.
What? I was just, you know, fooling around, having, having some fun, making it my own.
It's not yours.
It's Pat Benatar's, and if she heard what you were doing with it, she'd hit you with her best shot.
I thought you forgot the words.
You know, my mom takes ginkgo.
I just don't know why we can't riff every now and again, you know, like, be free.
Kick off our shoes, you know, see where the inspiration takes us, yeah.
I'm scared.
Guys, what if everyone just played whatever they feel, you know, and see where it goes, you know, see where the inspiration leads us? Maybe we'll get something really good out of it, like the kids in Kip's other band.
You know, like that.
Okay, okay, okay.
Like that.
I'm down with it.
All right, fine.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Ready? Yeah.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Yeah Whoo! (band playing dissonantly) (singing indistinctly) This doesn't leave the garage.
JAY: Reet, it's 1:00 a.
m.
You're not trying on all your different size pants again, are you? No, I'm just looking at college pictures of my Bangles cover band, but, uh, you'll be happy to know the size 6s still fit.
(chuckles) And the 4s would fit if I didn't need these stupid kidneys.
I remember that night.
The bar went nuts.
You were so happy, you let a, you let a stranger drink tequila out of your belly button.
(laughing) And this stranger is still very grateful.
Yeah, but it was just a cover band.
I mean, why didn't I take myself more seriously? You know, if I had, where would it have taken me? I mean, Kip's other band-- they write all their own music.
You know, they're, they're so free a-and creative.
I hate them.
Why don't you try writing your own song? Oh, yeah, okay, good idea, Jay.
No, I'll just write my own song.
Oh, let's just write a song.
Look at me, Jay.
I'm writing a song.
What kind of song am I writing, Jay? A sarcastic one? I'm sorry.
I'm just frustrated.
I'm not a songwriter.
Yeah, but you could be.
Reet, you can write.
How do you know? (grunts) What are you doing? Ah, bingo.
What is that? This is my super-secret box.
Super-secret box? Well, now you're just painfully adorable.
All right.
Here, take a look at these.
What is? Oh, my God, these are all the cards and letters that I gave you over the years.
This is our first anniversary, your first Father's Day.
Oh, my God, you kept all these? Mm-hmm, and every once in a while, you'd write me a poem.
Like this one here.
Take a look at that.
"To my husband of three years, five months and two days.
"This isn't time, "Not days, months, years, "But steppingstones on our path together.
"Our footfalls along the way, "The right husband, the happy wife, "Giving the path direction To our happy life.
" Oh, that is so sweet.
I must have been wasted.
(laughs) All I'm saying is you're still the person that wrote these.
Your voice is still in there.
You can do this, Reet.
You think so? Honey, if you can walk like an Egyptian in patent leather stilettos on a wobbly bar, you can do anything.
Thanks, honey.
Now come back to bed.
I will in one sec.
Oh, an old card from Debbie Trebbiano.
Hope this doesn't fall into the shredder.
Okay.
Sitting in my trailer Waiting for my trucker When he gets home, he's all tuckered out.
Ugh.
So not a country singer.
Jah-min', jah-min' Jah-min' in Jamai-aica Yah, mon.
Oh, no, mon.
Oh, what the hell am I thinking? Mommy, my tummy hurts.
Oh, sweetie, did you eat too much ice cream? No, I madetoo much ice cream.
Then I ate it all.
Aw, come here.
I'll rub your tummy.
Poor thing.
Want some ginger ale? I'll be fine.
Don't worry.
Honey, that's what mommies do: we worry.
What would I do if I didn't have you to worry about? Okay, so this is it.
If you don't like it, we can always go back to singing covers, you know, but just be kind to me, but, you know, if you hate it, you know, tell me you hate it, but don't use those exact words.
That's kind of mean.
Talk to me like you would like I'm Shannon.
You're like, "Hey, good job, kiddo, maybe next time," or, you know, we can do this together All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
We get it.
We get it.
We'll be nice if it sucks.
Okay, here goes.
Gotta get up, make the lunches Fry some eggs, then beat the bus And make sure everyone's On time A cup of coffee, feed the dog Pay some bills, get to work Then grocery shop And stand in line For the most part I am satisfied Till the thought runs through my mind Of what I could have been If I turned back the hands of time Out on the road, no one to worry about Wind in my hair, no one to worry about Singing songs To smiling strangers On a world tour Buying a big house, fulfilling a dream But deep down I'm missing out Longing for somebody To come home to Somebody to worry about.
So what do you guys think? It was awesome.
It was fantastic.
Really? Really.
Really really? No, real-really? (overlapping chatter) Really really? Really, really, and really? Yes, yes, yes, yes, we loved it.
Geez, I thought I was needy.
(chuckles) I wrote a song.
I know, I heard.
And I loved it.
See, you're a songwriter.
Hey, Mrs.
Clemens, I was thinking maybe, maybe we could do a backbeat-- uh, something, something, something like this.
And I could sing a melody something like this.
Somebody to worry about I'm feeling it.
On a world tour Buying a big house Fulfilling a dream But deep down I'm missing out BOTH: Longing for somebody to come home to Somebody to worry about BOTH: Somebody To worry about Oh, yeah ALL: Somebody to worry about Somebody to worry about Ooh Captioned by Media
Turns out the gift for five years is 20 extra pounds.
We can make ice cream at home and we don't? That's just insane.
You know what, little one? You know what, you're right.
Okay, it looks like I'll be desperately craving chocolate in about two days, so Yay, ice cream.
Hey, here's your mail.
Hey.
Thank you, Patty.
Gotta go.
W-what? Wait, aren't you going to stay and gib-gab? No, no, gibbing, no gabbing.
I gotta go.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no-- this is our thing.
You bring me the mail, then we sit down and we talk about all the people you snoop on on your route while we drink or coffee.
(chuckles): What, wha what makes you assume that that's our thing? (chortles) You made me get you this "Patty" mug.
Look, I don't know anything about anybody's business.
What makes you think that I'd know anything about anybody's business anyway? Because if knowing people's business was a business, you'd be Microsoft.
Spill.
Okay, okay, okay, but if it is what I think it is, you're not going to like it.
(sighs) I think Kip might be cheating on Hallie.
You mean cheating off Hallie? Like on a test, 'cause that I buy.
No.
You know the Spencers? Yeah.
Okay, well, they have a 17-year-old daughter.
Now, I have seen Kip with her over there more than once, talking and laughing.
And then, they go into her house.
Where there are bedrooms.
Wow.
Oh, a house with bedrooms, yeah, that's suspicious.
I'm just telling you what I saw.
I don't know, Patty, there's no way that Kip is cheating on Hallie! Hi, Mama.
Hi, Patty.
Mom, can I borrow the car? Yes, as long as you promise to leave your radio station on really loud so the next time I start the car, I get a little heart attack.
No problem.
I'm going to the mall.
Oh, um, have you seen Kip? No, why why would I've seen Kip? Yeah, I mean, we don't keep track of Kip.
No, I what do you think, we sit around talking about where Kip is? We don't.
No, I So you don't know where Kip is and you don't know where your meds are.
I don't know about this whole Kip thing.
Do you really think? No, no, no, I'm not absolutely sure, but the only way to be sure is to spy on him from across the street in my mail truck.
Well, that would just be wrong.
Oh, yeah, that-that would just be wrong.
So how long do we have to stand here until we do it anyway? Girl, I was waiting on you.
All right.
RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC So, any sign of that girl, and as I may soon be calling him, Kip the Man Whore? Shh! I'm watching the hunky guy in the split-level doing tae bo.
Ooh, I'd love to tie a bow around him.
Patty, Patty, I'm fairly sure this is illegal, and you're supposed to be spying on this house.
Aw, okay.
Give me that.
Neck, neck, neck, neck, neck! Yeah, all right.
Ow! My cookies.
God, it's so sad, those people.
They just sit around their houses all day just waiting for something interesting to oh, my God! I think we got something! We got something! What? What? Is that the somebody you saw him with earlier? Oh, yeah, there's that little tramp.
Mm-hmm.
Cute dress, though.
Really cute.
Oh, yeah, this is terrible.
Hallie would never believe me if told her.
I've got to get a picture of this.
Oh, maybe it's just an innocent hug.
"Innocent hug.
" If it was innocent, it would be ending.
Right about now.
Right now.
Or now.
Gosh, get a room, guys.
No, no, don't.
Oh, gosh, he's turning towards us.
Duck! Oh! Ow.
Ow.
Hey.
All right, he's gone.
Oh, man, this is not good.
What am I going to tell Hallie? She's going to be brokenhearted.
Okay, you really need to think about it, you know? Yeah.
Just compose your thoughts, Yeah.
maybe take a walk down the block.
Let's say, by those condos on the corner, you see I'm not going to deliver any more mail for you, Patty.
Fine.
All right, have no fear, your super shopper is here.
I, uh I think I got everything on the list, except for I couldn't find "zero ranges.
" What are zero ranges? You mean, "oranges"? Oranges! There was a big space between the "O" and the ranges.
Honey, we've got bigger problems than your inability to read the word "oranges.
" But zero ranges? What's going on? Well, I didn't want to believe it, but but today when I was delivering mail I'm sorry, you Long story.
Patty and I saw this.
Ooh.
Yeah, that's Kip hugging someone that is clearly not our daughter.
(groaning) Oh, are you okay? Yeah, yeah.
I just I think it's I think it's the feeling of being happy and sad at the same time.
You know, on one hand, you know, this-this could break them up, but then, you know, on the other hand, (giggles): this could break them up! I think we need to talk to tell her.
Oh, honey, come on.
Don't you think you're jumping the gun a little bit? It was a hug.
It could mean a million things.
Not when you're 16.
Do you remember your high school hugs? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
What is that supposed to mean? Debbie Trebbiano.
We kind of had it hot and heavy for each other.
We both loved Flock of Seagulls.
You should've seen my hair.
I have a feeling if I saw the none of this would be here.
All right, well, yeah, I think Hallie should know the truth, but I don't think we should be the ones to tell her.
You know, I say we confront Kip and make him tell her.
Yeah, let Kip be the bad guy.
Him and his wandering arms.
"Oh, I'm Kip.
I'll hug you or I'll hug you.
"I don't care.
I'll hug anybody.
I'll hug I'll hug blindly.
I'll just hug.
" Okay, so I can see you're on your way down the crazy trail.
I, uh I'm gonna go get change.
I got hoops tonight.
Wait, wait, sweetie, what are these? For wine bottles, right? "Cork stops.
" Pork chops, Jay, pork chops.
Wha? Hey.
Hey, what'd you get? I got Kip this cool, vintage jacket.
Oh, that looks expensive.
Yeah, it cost me a couple paychecks, but his old one has a huge rip in the lining.
And, I mean, there's no way I'm sewing it for him.
What am I, Amish? Did, did you keep the receipt in case you need to return it? Why would I return it? I don't know, in case it doesn't work out.
You know, it's not right for him.
Or, I don't know, he's not right for you.
What are you talking about? It's perfect.
And he deserves it.
He's an awesome boyfriend.
Hallie, sit down.
There's something I need to tell you that you're not going to want to hear.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I left my flat iron on again.
I know, there's global warming.
There's a polar bear crying somewhere.
No, that's that's not it.
Kip is cheating on you.
What are you talking about? I have reason to believe that Kip is cheating on you with another girl.
Now, look, I know this seems really bad, but look at it as a blessing in disguise.
How? Well, because one day another great guy is going to come into your life.
Look, the important thing is that I'm here for you.
Wait a minute.
What makes you think that Kip is cheating on me? This picture.
I'm sorry, honey.
Do you want to go shopping or, you know, get a makeover? Mom.
Sit down.
There's something that I have to tell you that you might not want to hear.
What? This is just a girl from some band that Kip's been sitting in with.
What are you talking about? Kip's not cheating on me with another girl.
He's cheating on you with another band.
What? I No I know.
I know it seems really bad.
But you know what, this could be a blessing in disguise.
How? Because, because someday another great drummer is going to come into your band.
And the important thing is that I'm here for you.
Oh, sorry, Mom.
You want to go shopping or get a makeover? No! No, no! No! I don't want a makeover.
This blows.
No, but like you said, it could be a blessing in disguise.
Oh, there's no such thing as blessings in disguise.
That's just something you tell your kids when things suck and you have nothing else to say.
(band warming up) Watch out! I Shh! Move your foot out of my way! Shh! You guys! I think that's them.
I just don't know why Kip wouldn't tell us that he's playing with another band.
Well, I can see him not telling you guys, but me? We're bass and drums.
We lay down the bottom.
You don't just screw with that magic.
Shh! Just calm down.
I'm sure we have nothing to worry about.
It's probably just some lame kids' band.
Patty's right.
I mean, it's just I don't like all this sneaking around, all the deception, you know? Now, go grab that bench so we can jump up on it and peek in.
Go! Go! Go! Yeah, come on.
What is he doing? What are you, a cartoon cat sneaking up on a bird? The interesting end to your day I'd be the flower At the end of your stay I'd be the voice in your head The body in bed The funny little thing That made my face turn red Ooh Ooh (clattering loudly) (groans) I fell on my mints.
Let's get out of here.
What are you guys doing here? When were you gonna tell us you joined another band? Yeah, when were you gonna tell us? Y-You guys have it all wrong.
I'm not joining this band.
I'm just sitting in until their drummer gets back.
ALL: Oh Yeah, yeah, he's just recovering from a bad nipple piercing.
Ew So it's just a temporary thing.
Plus, it's kind of nice to sit in with a band that plays originals.
That was their song? They all are.
W-W-Wait, the song we just heard that catchy little tune that could be on the radio, like, today-- someone in the garage wrote that? Yeah, sometimes they just jam and something comes out of it.
I got to get back.
We're rehearsing this song that Kestrin the cello player wrote in a diner this morning.
(scoffing): Of course she did.
Sitting there with a cigarette, a beret, speaking French.
How'd you know she speaks French? They always do.
(band playing "Hit Me with Your Best Shot") RITA & PATTY: Hit me with your best shot Why don't you hit me with your best shot BOTH: Hit me with your best shot Fire away Hit me With your shots of bestness Hit me With your best sho-ho-hot Hit hit me.
What? I was just, you know, fooling around, having, having some fun, making it my own.
It's not yours.
It's Pat Benatar's, and if she heard what you were doing with it, she'd hit you with her best shot.
I thought you forgot the words.
You know, my mom takes ginkgo.
I just don't know why we can't riff every now and again, you know, like, be free.
Kick off our shoes, you know, see where the inspiration takes us, yeah.
I'm scared.
Guys, what if everyone just played whatever they feel, you know, and see where it goes, you know, see where the inspiration leads us? Maybe we'll get something really good out of it, like the kids in Kip's other band.
You know, like that.
Okay, okay, okay.
Like that.
I'm down with it.
All right, fine.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Ready? Yeah.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Yeah Whoo! (band playing dissonantly) (singing indistinctly) This doesn't leave the garage.
JAY: Reet, it's 1:00 a.
m.
You're not trying on all your different size pants again, are you? No, I'm just looking at college pictures of my Bangles cover band, but, uh, you'll be happy to know the size 6s still fit.
(chuckles) And the 4s would fit if I didn't need these stupid kidneys.
I remember that night.
The bar went nuts.
You were so happy, you let a, you let a stranger drink tequila out of your belly button.
(laughing) And this stranger is still very grateful.
Yeah, but it was just a cover band.
I mean, why didn't I take myself more seriously? You know, if I had, where would it have taken me? I mean, Kip's other band-- they write all their own music.
You know, they're, they're so free a-and creative.
I hate them.
Why don't you try writing your own song? Oh, yeah, okay, good idea, Jay.
No, I'll just write my own song.
Oh, let's just write a song.
Look at me, Jay.
I'm writing a song.
What kind of song am I writing, Jay? A sarcastic one? I'm sorry.
I'm just frustrated.
I'm not a songwriter.
Yeah, but you could be.
Reet, you can write.
How do you know? (grunts) What are you doing? Ah, bingo.
What is that? This is my super-secret box.
Super-secret box? Well, now you're just painfully adorable.
All right.
Here, take a look at these.
What is? Oh, my God, these are all the cards and letters that I gave you over the years.
This is our first anniversary, your first Father's Day.
Oh, my God, you kept all these? Mm-hmm, and every once in a while, you'd write me a poem.
Like this one here.
Take a look at that.
"To my husband of three years, five months and two days.
"This isn't time, "Not days, months, years, "But steppingstones on our path together.
"Our footfalls along the way, "The right husband, the happy wife, "Giving the path direction To our happy life.
" Oh, that is so sweet.
I must have been wasted.
(laughs) All I'm saying is you're still the person that wrote these.
Your voice is still in there.
You can do this, Reet.
You think so? Honey, if you can walk like an Egyptian in patent leather stilettos on a wobbly bar, you can do anything.
Thanks, honey.
Now come back to bed.
I will in one sec.
Oh, an old card from Debbie Trebbiano.
Hope this doesn't fall into the shredder.
Okay.
Sitting in my trailer Waiting for my trucker When he gets home, he's all tuckered out.
Ugh.
So not a country singer.
Jah-min', jah-min' Jah-min' in Jamai-aica Yah, mon.
Oh, no, mon.
Oh, what the hell am I thinking? Mommy, my tummy hurts.
Oh, sweetie, did you eat too much ice cream? No, I madetoo much ice cream.
Then I ate it all.
Aw, come here.
I'll rub your tummy.
Poor thing.
Want some ginger ale? I'll be fine.
Don't worry.
Honey, that's what mommies do: we worry.
What would I do if I didn't have you to worry about? Okay, so this is it.
If you don't like it, we can always go back to singing covers, you know, but just be kind to me, but, you know, if you hate it, you know, tell me you hate it, but don't use those exact words.
That's kind of mean.
Talk to me like you would like I'm Shannon.
You're like, "Hey, good job, kiddo, maybe next time," or, you know, we can do this together All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
We get it.
We get it.
We'll be nice if it sucks.
Okay, here goes.
Gotta get up, make the lunches Fry some eggs, then beat the bus And make sure everyone's On time A cup of coffee, feed the dog Pay some bills, get to work Then grocery shop And stand in line For the most part I am satisfied Till the thought runs through my mind Of what I could have been If I turned back the hands of time Out on the road, no one to worry about Wind in my hair, no one to worry about Singing songs To smiling strangers On a world tour Buying a big house, fulfilling a dream But deep down I'm missing out Longing for somebody To come home to Somebody to worry about.
So what do you guys think? It was awesome.
It was fantastic.
Really? Really.
Really really? No, real-really? (overlapping chatter) Really really? Really, really, and really? Yes, yes, yes, yes, we loved it.
Geez, I thought I was needy.
(chuckles) I wrote a song.
I know, I heard.
And I loved it.
See, you're a songwriter.
Hey, Mrs.
Clemens, I was thinking maybe, maybe we could do a backbeat-- uh, something, something, something like this.
And I could sing a melody something like this.
Somebody to worry about I'm feeling it.
On a world tour Buying a big house Fulfilling a dream But deep down I'm missing out BOTH: Longing for somebody to come home to Somebody to worry about BOTH: Somebody To worry about Oh, yeah ALL: Somebody to worry about Somebody to worry about Ooh Captioned by Media