Sealab 2021 (2000) s01e12 Episode Script
Stimutacs
1 If you're looking for me.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
All I wanted was to make the world a better place.
Then make an ass-load of money.
But it all went so terribly wrong.
Hey Skip! How ya feeling? Feeling okay today? Ahh.
.
yeah I guess.
.
uh.
.
pretty good.
Did you say pretty good? Ha well.
.
how would you like to feel really good? Hey-hey-hey-hey, see here mister.
This is a clean ship and I won't have it- Hey-hey-hey, relax Skip.
It's merely an herbal dietary supplement.
Gimme! Gimme-gimme! I call them.
.
Stimutacs.
Catchy, ha? All natural, mostly kelp.
They give you more energy and for more than- Yeah-yeah-yeah.
.
Gimme, gimme.
.
.
general sense of well being.
- Hey, come on! Nothing! Gimme another one! Hey hey! Give it a minute.
You gotta digest the ingred- Look I don't got all day to start feeling good, okay? Oooh, hey.
.
Wooow! Hey! Haha.
.
Hohaha, hey-hey! It's a.
.
I mean it's like a.
.
koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain.
Ho.
.
okay captain.
.
I am gonna make so much freaking money with this stuff.
There he goes.
Dude, what's with Murphy? - Nothing.
Here.
Eat this.
- Okay.
.
Should my physical self feel created from untold millions of minute bubbles? Uh.
.
I don't know.
.
Sparks, I have total cognizance of every synapse in my cerebral cortex.
No kidding.
.
I must digest more of the ovoid capsules.
Tomorrow.
- What shall I do until then? Go.
.
bounce somewhere else.
Indeed.
Oh.
.
eh.
.
tell your friends! Do you even know what's in it? I don't care.
.
Colors are more vivid, and, and.
.
food tastes better.
Which.
.
actually I haven't eaten since yesterday.
But-but.
.
the air tastes better and- Amazing air! I have the energy of a bear that has the energy of two bears.
How are you hanging up there? Hmm, I dig my toes into the ceiling.
Into NASA-grade titanium? - Uhu.
Don't you get it? This isn't natural! You shouldn't be that strong.
That's nothing compared to my telek-whatsit-powers.
Behold! - Sir, what are you doing? Silence! I am psycho-flexing! Come on! Bend! Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon- I'll be right back.
.
.
rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, yes.
Okay.
.
Captain, it is not the spoon that you wish to bend.
But rather the will of the spoon.
You just bought yourself a ticket to pretzel town, buddy! Oooh, tssss.
.
ahhh tssss Damn your non-metal body! I told you already, I made it! You made a drug? Herbal supplement! Totally safe.
Look, it's like 99 percent kelp for crying out- Cut this crap.
.
what's the other 1 percent? Secret ingredient.
- What is it, Sparks!? Can't tell you.
- Well, you're little secret is driving everybody crazy and now they're all addicted.
Yes, so now I am going to start charging for it.
You can't test drugs on humans! There are rules, procedures.
.
it has to be tested on animals first.
Why? Why does all the crap we consume have to be tested on animals first? Because that's- - A rat doesn't wear lipstick, okay.
A rabbit doesn't use hairspray.
A monkey doesn't need pills to get ramped up for hot monkey sex! It's people, man! We're miserable! So why shouldn't we try it all first? Well.
.
you got a point there actually.
.
I'll try it.
Really? Uhm, yeah.
Give me one.
It'll be.
.
scientific research.
That's the old pepper.
I.
.
ah.
.
I just need a glass of water.
Uh.
.
let me know how it works! I wonder if it's legal to sell this stuff to kids.
I will now bend this stillson wrench using my psycho-flexitive powers.
Come on.
.
bend! Ooh wow.
.
I bet I could kill a guy with my toes.
Captain, give me that.
- Oh yeah! Hey! My wrench! Wow, I'd be totally hacked if Stimutacs weren't so- outrageously chill? - Word! Stormy, float your ass over here and magic me up another wrench! Nej captain.
.
Yearn not for earthly goods and pleasures.
Cast off this taint, and become taintless.
Hey-hey-hey, shut up.
It's four-twenty.
Word it! Time to get some more pills.
Okay Sparks, let's see here.
Kelp.
.
kelp.
.
wait a minu- Oh my god! That's the secret ingredient.
.
Toxin from the fugu, the world most poisonous fish.
His venom causes massive neurological damage! That's what's causing the side effects.
Gotta warn the- Aaahh! - Ooops, dart in your neck.
You craze ass son of a.
.
- Ssshhhh Ride the Stimutacs.
Stimutacs? My god! Do you realize what you've done? Gimme another one.
Haha.
.
I knew you'd see the light.
Light! Light! A thousand points of delicious lights.
Sparkling like diamonds in my brain! Ooooh man! Are you diggin' this air? This air rules! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! - Hey-hey-hey, whoah.
.
Hey, I'm serious here people.
Hey-hey-hey-hey.
I'm serious here people! No money, no Stimutacs! Whoâs next? - Me! Me-me-me-meeee! Me-me-me-meeeeee! Hey, I.
.
I think I need to up my dosage, cause I am not, you know, not feeling it like before.
One! Everyone gets just one little pill! Why? Are you running out? - Hey! Form a line! Hey! He's running out! - We are not animals.
No friendsies - I gotta catch up.
It is imperative that we be given preference over these mendicants.
Marduk commands it.
Who the hell is Marduk? The sun god who dwells inside me.
In front or in back? Marduk, son of Ea, Slayer of Tiamat.
Marduk rules! - He totally does! I want Marduk the sun god in me! Everybody, shut up! Look at yourselves.
You're.
.
you're like zombies! Deb- Debbie! Look at me.
What you need inside you is some food.
If I eat food there won't be any room for Marduk, Slayer of Tiamat.
Marduk desires not the barren wasteland of your desiccated viscera.
He totally doesn't.
Hey, Marduk can kiss my black ass cause I need some more Stimutacs! Quit being a bitch and fill me up! Bitch? All right that's it.
No more Stimutacs! Everybody get out, the pharmacy is closed! Closed!? - You can not do that! Hey-hey, get back.
Everybody get back! No! No! I need Stimutacs! Get off! Get off! Hey! Hey! Hey! Uhhhh.
.
Later.
Get off me! Hey! Don't hit my hair! Well.
.
that's the last of it.
Huh, just in time too.
Those guys are- - Sparks!? Open this door, Sparks! - You bastard! Come on, Sparks, open up! Hey! There's no more Stimutacs, okay! The fugu fish is extinct now.
Thanks to.
.
well, thanks to yours truly.
But, whatever, there's no more Stimutacs, you freaks! Look at yourselves! Look at what you've become! Punch it, Ho-bag! - Hiyaa! He's getting away! Stop him! - Come on, get in there! He's got Stimutacs! Good luck in rehab! Noooooo! You bastard! Come back here, you- Oh damn! Oh dammit! Ooh damn! And so.
.
I barely escaped.
As for the crew of Sealab.
.
well, in the end slaves to their own insatiable hunger for my creation, they destroyed themselves.
So now.
.
my.
.
my journey continues.
And where it will take me.
.
no one really knows.
But.
.
I am not alone.
Right, Marduk? Eat some more pills, pill-head.
You.
.
totally.
.
rule! I totally already know that.
Sea.
.
! Lab! Sealaaaab! Sealab! Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, yes.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
All I wanted was to make the world a better place.
Then make an ass-load of money.
But it all went so terribly wrong.
Hey Skip! How ya feeling? Feeling okay today? Ahh.
.
yeah I guess.
.
uh.
.
pretty good.
Did you say pretty good? Ha well.
.
how would you like to feel really good? Hey-hey-hey-hey, see here mister.
This is a clean ship and I won't have it- Hey-hey-hey, relax Skip.
It's merely an herbal dietary supplement.
Gimme! Gimme-gimme! I call them.
.
Stimutacs.
Catchy, ha? All natural, mostly kelp.
They give you more energy and for more than- Yeah-yeah-yeah.
.
Gimme, gimme.
.
.
general sense of well being.
- Hey, come on! Nothing! Gimme another one! Hey hey! Give it a minute.
You gotta digest the ingred- Look I don't got all day to start feeling good, okay? Oooh, hey.
.
Wooow! Hey! Haha.
.
Hohaha, hey-hey! It's a.
.
I mean it's like a.
.
koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain.
Ho.
.
okay captain.
.
I am gonna make so much freaking money with this stuff.
There he goes.
Dude, what's with Murphy? - Nothing.
Here.
Eat this.
- Okay.
.
Should my physical self feel created from untold millions of minute bubbles? Uh.
.
I don't know.
.
Sparks, I have total cognizance of every synapse in my cerebral cortex.
No kidding.
.
I must digest more of the ovoid capsules.
Tomorrow.
- What shall I do until then? Go.
.
bounce somewhere else.
Indeed.
Oh.
.
eh.
.
tell your friends! Do you even know what's in it? I don't care.
.
Colors are more vivid, and, and.
.
food tastes better.
Which.
.
actually I haven't eaten since yesterday.
But-but.
.
the air tastes better and- Amazing air! I have the energy of a bear that has the energy of two bears.
How are you hanging up there? Hmm, I dig my toes into the ceiling.
Into NASA-grade titanium? - Uhu.
Don't you get it? This isn't natural! You shouldn't be that strong.
That's nothing compared to my telek-whatsit-powers.
Behold! - Sir, what are you doing? Silence! I am psycho-flexing! Come on! Bend! Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon- I'll be right back.
.
.
rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, yes.
Okay.
.
Captain, it is not the spoon that you wish to bend.
But rather the will of the spoon.
You just bought yourself a ticket to pretzel town, buddy! Oooh, tssss.
.
ahhh tssss Damn your non-metal body! I told you already, I made it! You made a drug? Herbal supplement! Totally safe.
Look, it's like 99 percent kelp for crying out- Cut this crap.
.
what's the other 1 percent? Secret ingredient.
- What is it, Sparks!? Can't tell you.
- Well, you're little secret is driving everybody crazy and now they're all addicted.
Yes, so now I am going to start charging for it.
You can't test drugs on humans! There are rules, procedures.
.
it has to be tested on animals first.
Why? Why does all the crap we consume have to be tested on animals first? Because that's- - A rat doesn't wear lipstick, okay.
A rabbit doesn't use hairspray.
A monkey doesn't need pills to get ramped up for hot monkey sex! It's people, man! We're miserable! So why shouldn't we try it all first? Well.
.
you got a point there actually.
.
I'll try it.
Really? Uhm, yeah.
Give me one.
It'll be.
.
scientific research.
That's the old pepper.
I.
.
ah.
.
I just need a glass of water.
Uh.
.
let me know how it works! I wonder if it's legal to sell this stuff to kids.
I will now bend this stillson wrench using my psycho-flexitive powers.
Come on.
.
bend! Ooh wow.
.
I bet I could kill a guy with my toes.
Captain, give me that.
- Oh yeah! Hey! My wrench! Wow, I'd be totally hacked if Stimutacs weren't so- outrageously chill? - Word! Stormy, float your ass over here and magic me up another wrench! Nej captain.
.
Yearn not for earthly goods and pleasures.
Cast off this taint, and become taintless.
Hey-hey-hey, shut up.
It's four-twenty.
Word it! Time to get some more pills.
Okay Sparks, let's see here.
Kelp.
.
kelp.
.
wait a minu- Oh my god! That's the secret ingredient.
.
Toxin from the fugu, the world most poisonous fish.
His venom causes massive neurological damage! That's what's causing the side effects.
Gotta warn the- Aaahh! - Ooops, dart in your neck.
You craze ass son of a.
.
- Ssshhhh Ride the Stimutacs.
Stimutacs? My god! Do you realize what you've done? Gimme another one.
Haha.
.
I knew you'd see the light.
Light! Light! A thousand points of delicious lights.
Sparkling like diamonds in my brain! Ooooh man! Are you diggin' this air? This air rules! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! - Hey-hey-hey, whoah.
.
Hey, I'm serious here people.
Hey-hey-hey-hey.
I'm serious here people! No money, no Stimutacs! Whoâs next? - Me! Me-me-me-meeee! Me-me-me-meeeeee! Hey, I.
.
I think I need to up my dosage, cause I am not, you know, not feeling it like before.
One! Everyone gets just one little pill! Why? Are you running out? - Hey! Form a line! Hey! He's running out! - We are not animals.
No friendsies - I gotta catch up.
It is imperative that we be given preference over these mendicants.
Marduk commands it.
Who the hell is Marduk? The sun god who dwells inside me.
In front or in back? Marduk, son of Ea, Slayer of Tiamat.
Marduk rules! - He totally does! I want Marduk the sun god in me! Everybody, shut up! Look at yourselves.
You're.
.
you're like zombies! Deb- Debbie! Look at me.
What you need inside you is some food.
If I eat food there won't be any room for Marduk, Slayer of Tiamat.
Marduk desires not the barren wasteland of your desiccated viscera.
He totally doesn't.
Hey, Marduk can kiss my black ass cause I need some more Stimutacs! Quit being a bitch and fill me up! Bitch? All right that's it.
No more Stimutacs! Everybody get out, the pharmacy is closed! Closed!? - You can not do that! Hey-hey, get back.
Everybody get back! No! No! I need Stimutacs! Get off! Get off! Hey! Hey! Hey! Uhhhh.
.
Later.
Get off me! Hey! Don't hit my hair! Well.
.
that's the last of it.
Huh, just in time too.
Those guys are- - Sparks!? Open this door, Sparks! - You bastard! Come on, Sparks, open up! Hey! There's no more Stimutacs, okay! The fugu fish is extinct now.
Thanks to.
.
well, thanks to yours truly.
But, whatever, there's no more Stimutacs, you freaks! Look at yourselves! Look at what you've become! Punch it, Ho-bag! - Hiyaa! He's getting away! Stop him! - Come on, get in there! He's got Stimutacs! Good luck in rehab! Noooooo! You bastard! Come back here, you- Oh damn! Oh dammit! Ooh damn! And so.
.
I barely escaped.
As for the crew of Sealab.
.
well, in the end slaves to their own insatiable hunger for my creation, they destroyed themselves.
So now.
.
my.
.
my journey continues.
And where it will take me.
.
no one really knows.
But.
.
I am not alone.
Right, Marduk? Eat some more pills, pill-head.
You.
.
totally.
.
rule! I totally already know that.
Sea.
.
! Lab! Sealaaaab! Sealab! Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, yes.