She-Wolf of London (1990) s01e12 Episode Script
She-Devil
(DOORBELL RINGING) (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) If there is a werewolf in my building, I want to know about it.
I don't blame you.
What makes you think a werewolf killed your tenant? Lan.
And why not a zombie, or a witch, or a particularly rude Martian.
Here, I didn't come here to be ridiculed.
I mean, I thought your advertisement was a genuine offer to help.
Not a way to make people feel small.
I'm sorry, but I thought you were being serious.
We are serious.
All Professor Matheson is trying to say, in his own way, is what makes you think there's not a rational explanation? The poor man was ripped to shreds.
And I can't believe the police explanation that it was the sharp claws of a wild dog.
Perhaps a jilted manicurist.
Professor! I'm simply trying to choose an appropriate mask for Rag Week.
Rag Week? Rag Week? One week, every year, the university lets its hair down for charity.
Charity? I don't want your bleeding charity.
I mean, I operate a clean, respectable building in the West End, occupied by working professionals of good standing.
There are no children, no riffraff and no pets are allowed.
Really? Kind of rules out the wild dog theory, huh? What kind of rent are we talking about? We are talking about a vicious murder.
I'm talking about a vacancy.
Ooh! Could one of my tenants be a monster? I'd like to see the apartment.
Me, too.
Smashing idea.
Come on.
We haven't a second to waste.
Oh! With pleasure.
With pleasure, Professor.
Oh, yes.
We can go right now, sir.
We really can.
Shall I wait in the Yes, we'll be right with you.
(DOOR CLOSES) All right.
What a stroke of luck.
I can probably get it for a pittance.
I mean, nobody wants to rent an apartment where a murder took place.
I wonder if it has a view.
(SIGHING) You don't believe him? I believe that if the price is right, it's time for me to move.
I think he's onto something.
I think he's a whacko.
A whacko I can bargain down to a price a scholar could afford.
There could be a werewolf living in that building, you know.
I'm used to that.
Did it ever occur to you the culprit could be a wild dog? Oh, yeah.
Just like that wild dog that bit me.
You were attacked on a full moon.
There won't be a full moon for another day.
Kind of rules out your werewolf theory, huh? (SCOFFS) Oh, by the way, Mr.
Nile, are utilities included? Do you know what a professor of mythology makes? Under ordinary circumstances, I certainly couldn't afford to live in a building like this.
Well, why would you want to? The place is crawling with wild dogs.
This is it.
I haven't had a chance to clean it up yet.
(WHISTLING) What do you think, a French poodle? Maybe an angry terrier? He did leave a cleaning deposit, didn't he? This has always been such a nice, quiet building.
Nothing like this has happened before.
Yes, well, word will get around, I'm afraid.
I hate to think how hard it will be to find a new tenant.
Oh, do you think so? Oh, yes.
You know, people can be so cold, so unforgiving.
Tell me, is it a month-to-month or a lease? Look at this.
At least the killer tried not to stain the carpet.
The new tenant will appreciate that.
Oh! Read the ad.
Randi, these are the personals.
The pleadings of the Ionely and the lovelorn.
I think I should move in before I start entertaining.
(CLEARS THROAT) "Lonely and lusty professional woman seeks the comfort and warmth "of a good man.
" It's circled, and there's a phone number.
I think we've found ourselves a werewolf here.
Randi, I feel terrible about what happened to the poor man who lived here, but not every occurrence that isn't readily explained is the work of supernatural entities.
I've got a feeling about this.
So have I.
But if I play my cards right, this could be my new address.
Tell me, kind sir, what is the rent? L1,000.
Yes.
This man wasn't murdered.
He just got his monthly bill.
Oh.
Hello? Hello, Kristen McCord.
Kristen, is it? Just one moment, please.
Speak to Kristen.
(LAUGHS) (WHISPERING) And who is Kristen? I don't Just talk to her.
Hello, Kristen? It can't be.
Is that lan? Lan Matheson? Yes.
What a wonderful surprise! Kristen, is that really you? Yes.
How are you? How good to hear your voice again after all this time.
Oh, we must get together.
Tell me, where are you working these days? I wonder if she's changed.
I wonder what she changes into.
Kristen McCord is a rational, level-headed woman, not a savage killer.
Neither am I, except during a full moon.
But how do you know she doesn't turn into a vicious animal, huh? Actually, I know she does.
But I survived.
Well, Ed Decker wasn't so lucky.
Do you have any idea where we're going? Oh, Dr.
McCord.
Thanks.
She was pre-med, and I was studying mythology.
(CHUCKLES) We shared a lust for life.
For life.
Right.
Oh, those glorious spring afternoons we spent together, studying under the cherry blossoms.
I taught her the joys of world mythology.
And she taught you the joys of playing doctor? It was a great year.
So what happened? We were young, we drifted apart.
It was nothing serious.
Well, this is.
Ed Decker was butchered by your old girlfriend last night.
Look, she may have been a hot-blooded pre-med, but today she's a cold-blooded killer.
Ed Decker was killed by a wild dog.
You can't blame Kristen for that.
Oh, God.
IAN: Kristen? Lan? Lan? Lan! Kristen! (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey! Oh, you look wonderful! Oh, you look more beautiful than ever.
(RANDI CLEARING THROAT) Oh, sorry.
This is my student, Randi Wallace.
Randi, this is "A Ionely and lusty professional, "seeking the warmth and comfort of a good man.
" You know your classifieds.
Oh, only the blood-soaked ones.
You must have a wild social life.
Not nearly as wild as yours.
My dates usually survive the night.
KRISTEN: Why would they want to? Mmm.
Glad to see you haven't lost that delightfully wicked sense of humor.
Run along, Randi.
Don't want to miss your bus.
Want a lift? Not in your dreams, darling.
Who is she? Forgive her.
She took Ed's death very hard.
They were friends? Like brother and sister.
Mmm, I shouldn't have been so hard on her.
(SIGHING) Forgive me, Randi.
I didn't know how close you and Ed were.
We were close? I know the word doesn't do your relationship justice.
It's been a hard day, and I'm afraid I took things out on you.
Let's start again.
Isn't she great? Kristen McCord, at your service.
And I will do whatever I can Take over, Gene.
To help you find out about your friend.
(CLEARING THROAT) Wasn't he your friend? Oh, don't take this the wrong way, but he was hardly a friend.
An acquaintance? A meal? A guinea pig.
It's not as awful as it sounds.
I've been studying sex.
So lan told me.
Yes, well, this is a little different to my previous research, as in-depth as that was.
At first, we were just looking to create a new fragrance.
Ah! Oxypolymorphene 29.
Every living creature gives off hormones when it's sexually excited.
(SNIFFING) Mmm.
KRISTEN: Those hormones attract the opposite sex.
I've developed a serum that merely intensifies that effect.
An aphrodisiac? Of a sort.
(CHUCKLES) She is Ionely and lusty.
I've tested Oxypolymorphene (GRUNTS) To see if it has any effect.
I've met with dozens of men for dinner, anonymously, through the classifieds, to see if the potion made is more ardent.
Fat men, old men, ugly men.
Even a few handsome ones.
Did it work? Oh, yes, it worked.
Often I had a hard time keeping things just friendly.
But with Ed, it worked better than I thought.
You connected on an intellectual as well as a spiritual level? (CLATTERING) We had explosive sex.
(GLASS BREAKING) So good, I blacked out.
All I can remember is waking up in my apartment feeling great.
(RANDI EXCLAIMING) Sounds rather far-fetched to me.
(RANDI MOANING) Yes, well, I wouldn't believe it either, (RANDI MOANING) If I hadn't experienced it for myself.
It's a very unorthodox way to conduct your research, but then again, (CLATTERING) You always were rather unorthodox.
Isn't that what you loved about me? Look, I know I went over the line, but I just had to know if it worked.
It sounds to me more like a psychological reaction than a chemical one.
But enough of this talk of your research.
(RANDI LAUGHING) I want to catch up on old times.
So do I.
And I just happen to be free for dinner tonight.
(RANDI EXCLAIMING) What a coincidence.
So am I.
Do you have a favorite restaurant? (RANDI LAUGHING) My place.
I've just bought it.
I've hardly moved in.
You'll be my first guest.
And I'm just dying to show it off.
What are we waiting for, then? Do you remember Oxford? That day on the punt? I got stuck on the pole.
(LAUGHING) (RANDI LAUGHING) Yoo-hoo, honey.
Time to go.
(RANDI SCREAMING) Get off me! You Oh (SCREAMING) RANDl: Help! I'm going to have to take some of this stuff home for the wife, eh, Peter? (PETER GROANING) MAN: Peter? Peter? Peter, you don't look well.
(GROWLING) Peter, what is it? No! What about your friend? Friend? Oh, Randi.
RANDl: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Give me a moment.
You can't go with her! Relax.
(MAN SCREAMING) What was that? You can't.
You drive.
I'll ride with her.
No, you can't go alone with her.
She'll eat you alive! I'm counting on it.
You don't understand! That serum is very There's something very wrong with it.
It brings out the beast in people! So does a glass of wine, candles and some good music.
So I hope.
Lan! (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) You've come a long way from your cramped, cluttered student dorm.
I always dreamed of having a home like this.
Even back when we were together.
But you You haven't changed at all.
Of course I have.
I'm not the gawky, awkward student you remember.
No.
You're still the intensely curious, serious lan Matheson I remember.
Marveling at all the little mysteries you found in the library.
Your single-minded enthusiasm was so frustrating that it was sexy.
(GRUNTING) I wanted so badly to distract you, to break that That resolve.
As I recall, you succeeded on more than one occasion.
As I recall, I succeeded right on the librarian's desk.
And what did you become? The kind of enthusiastic, totally absorbed professor impressionable young school girls ache to distract? (GLASS BREAKING) Speaking of which Randi seems to have a keen interest in you, and you in her.
We've been through a lot together.
But not what you might think.
She has a very serious problem that I've been helping her with.
Solving it would mean a great deal to both of us.
Maybe I could help.
Perhaps you could.
After all, you have become a highly-paid corporate scientist.
And yet you're still trying to bring out the beast in people.
Purely scientific curiosity.
You just like people to pay attention to you.
What woman doesn't? What is this? Something sweet.
A dessert wine? A fruit juice? A cognac? What? A little after-dinner aphrodisiac.
Still looking for attention.
Always.
You don't need a glassful of sugar water for that.
(KRISTEN LAUGHING) (IAN LAUGHING) (BOTH GROANING) (KRISTEN GROANING) (BOTH GROANING) (BOTH GROWLING) I've never felt this great.
Me, too.
Except Except? (GROANS) Ooh! (LAUGHING) I hurt all over.
Me, too.
Ooh! (GROANING) I guess it was good for you, then.
I guess it was.
I mean, I know it was.
Wasn't it? Of course it was.
It was terrific for both of us.
Budge over.
Don't you think? Oh, definitely.
It was great.
The best ever.
We were animals.
(CHUCKLING) I'll never forget it.
Me, neither.
He's about 6 feet tall, blue eyes, brownish mousy hair.
POLICEMAN: Yes? Well, he's been missing since about 8:00 last night.
Did you say missing? Yeah, but he's been with his ex-girlfriend.
Last night? Yeah, she's been doing these studies with aphrodisiacs and (DIAL TONE DRONING) Hello? (SIGHING) Oh! (IAN LAUGHING) Lan.
Oh, my God! Kristen did this to you, didn't she? Oh, yes.
Oh.
I knew it.
You're lucky to be alive.
Oh, you said it.
Oh, I knew it.
You know, she pretends like she's this scientist, and then under this cool facade, she's actually a vicious animal.
Oh, that's her.
Oh, my God, we've got to do something about this.
We have? Yes.
We? Yes! You don't think I'd let you go see her alone, do you? I certainly hope so.
What? I I know Kristen's a vicious animal, but I don't think she's that kinky.
(YAWNING) Although, it wouldn't hurt to ask her.
Pig.
To think I worried about you.
You didn't try that Oxy-poly stuff, did you? Just a tiny taste.
Lan! That stuff makes you do things you'd never do! That stuff could turn you into a killer.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
It's just a placebo.
(GROANING) Just a harmless bit of sugar water.
Although, I wouldn't mix it with a Chardonnay again, because I've got a hell of a headache.
You let her try experimental drugs on you? What else did you let her do? (LAUGHING) Oh, oh, oh, oh.
To be honest, I'm a little bit fuzzy about some of the details.
Which details? All of them.
But I think my memory might be a bit sharper after I've had a little sleep.
Oh, I'm dead beat.
(GROANING) Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
KRISTEN: Oh! Impossible! (SOBBING) Oh! Oh! Be rational about this.
I did not turn into a monster.
Neither did he.
Oh, no! Oh! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) MAN: No, no! No! (MAN SCREAMING) (SIREN BLARING) Another wild dog? Anything is possible.
Follow me.
It doesn't mean Kristen was involved.
What? There's a guy mauled not 10 feet from Kristen's lab and you still don't see a connection? I see a troubling coincidence.
You're going to get us lost again, you know.
Come on, this is the way.
I don't think we should be in here.
There's no harm in just looking around.
You know, I think that drug brings out the monsters in people.
Oh, yes.
That's a much more believable explanation! Why didn't I think of it? Would you listen to me? If she can bring out the beast in people, maybe she can snub it out, too.
I mean, you reverse the effect of that drug and you've got my cure.
Tonight's a full moon.
You're letting your need for a cure and your dislike of Kristen cloud your judgment.
Be logical about this.
I mean, if one of my students died horribly tomorrow, would that mean I was a supernatural monster? No, it would probably mean that you gave another lecture on the interstitial matrices of the psycho-socio myths.
Whatever the answer is, I'm sure Kristen will offer a fresh perspective on the problem.
Yeah, well She better or I'll wring it out of her.
Are you sure you know where you're going? Trust me.
Lan, no! Oh! Ow! (GASPING) Another troubling coincidence? Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, lan.
No need to apologize.
You were just looking at the facts.
We've got to find Kristen.
Fast.
You're absolutely right.
She might need a comforting shoulder to cry on.
You're too kind.
I don't want to get near her, and I'm a werewolf.
What do you mean? I mean that I would not want to cuddle up to some vicious killer, even if I was in love with him.
You still think she's responsible for this? You don't? This man is This man was a psychopathic killer, who obviously died trying to take another victim.
I mean, I guess he must have had a pathological attraction to Kristen and killed any man that got close to her.
Which is why all the clues pointed in this direction.
That man took Oxypolymorphene The same way that Kristen did.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're letting your imagination run wild.
This aphrodisiac is harmless.
It's nothing more than sugar water.
Lan, don't.
Don't! Mmm.
Mmm.
That hit the spot.
Now, tell me, do you find me irresistible? Hardly.
I'm getting out of here.
Oh, Randi.
Randi.
Randi! Have I transformed into a lusty beast? Case closed.
So let's find Kristen and help her through this tragedy.
I guess you're right.
Maybe my imagination is going wild.
You know, I wasn't going to tell you this, but last night in the lab, me and one of the Oh, no.
(SNARLING) This is Rag Week, right? (GROWLING) Get away from me, lan! Stay away from me! No, lan! (RANDI SCREAMING) (IAN GROWLING) Oh, no.
Lan Ahhh! (SNARLING) (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Sorry about this, lan.
Oh, my God.
Lan.
(ALL CHATTERING) I'm sorry.
I've just got to get to the post.
Bye.
(GROANING) Oh, my head.
Oh! My back.
Oh, my God! Shh! Randi! How good to see you.
You wouldn't happen to know why I'm chained up here, would you? You don't remember? This afternoon? You? Me? Us? These? How could we deny our burning desire? Yes, how could we? (LAUGHING) I mean, who would've dreamt our passion could be so powerful? Yes.
Who could have dreamt it? I mean, it was It was marvelous.
It was fantastic.
It was It was unforgettable.
Don't you think so? Frankly, I've had better days.
(CHUCKLING) Relax.
We didn't do anything.
We didn't? No.
Oh, thank God.
I mean, not that you aren't desirable.
You are.
You are deeply desirable.
You're one of the most desirable (SHOUTING) Why am I chained? Shh! The same reason I will be tonight.
Only my transformations are not chemically induced.
I changed? Into a monster.
Fangs, eyes, claws, fur.
The whole nine yards.
Then, Kristen My God.
Oxypolymorphene really packs a wallop.
I swiped this from Kristen's lab.
Now, if we can analyze this stuff, we can cure all of us.
I didn't I didn't hurt anyone, did I? Oh, don't worry.
You took a cold shower before you could do that.
(RANDI CLEARING THROAT) But I have to find Kristen and chain her up.
And then I have to chain myself up before anyone else gets hurt.
Wait a minute! Aren't you forgetting something? Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't do much good without these.
Or me! You not intending to leave me here, are you? I think I'd prefer to keep you tied up for a little while.
Well, don't be ridiculous! Kristen could be dangerous.
So could you.
Look, we don't know what the residual effects of this drug are.
You could change again.
I'm willing to take that chance.
I'm not.
I know what it's like to wake up from a transformation.
To wonder if I've hurt anyone, or if I've killed anyone.
If I've killed you.
I don't want you to have to go through that again.
I guess I'll hang around here tonight.
Good idea.
(SIGHING) I guess I preferred mythology when it wasn't real.
(THUNDER RUMBLING) Kristen? Hello, Kristen? It's me, Randi.
Randi Wallace, lan's friend.
Hello? IAN: Randi? Is that you? Did you find her? Lan? Aunt Elsa! That door is supposed to be locked.
What are you doing down here? I'm looking for my purple afghan.
What are you doing down here? Important research.
Oh.
With Randi? We're delving into the mythology of captivity, hoping to gain a better knowledge of ancient legends.
Oh.
That's why she's gone looking for another woman.
I don't have time to explain all the details.
Oh, that's okay.
I'll watch, and I'll pick them up as I go along.
(GLASS BREAKING) Kristen? Kristen? Kristen? Yoo-hoo.
It's Randi.
Kristen.
We have to talk.
You have a serious problem.
KRISTEN: Tell me about it.
Kristen? I'm still picking the repairman out of my teeth.
You killed Ed, didn't you? Probably.
I can't remember.
But this time I do.
Every detail.
After seven doses, the serum has mutated every cell in my body.
I'm changing uncontrollably, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Let me help you.
By chaining me up? Believe me, I know what happens to lab animals, and I have no desire to become one.
Look, you created this stuff.
Surely you can find a cure.
You're a scientist.
I was a scientist.
I'm something else now, and I think I like it.
Listen, you can fight it.
I know you can.
You have to protect yourself and everybody else from what you've become and then find a way to cure it.
Who says? (RANDI SCREAMING) Kristen? Kristen? You don't understand! No, come back! Kristen, please help me! Randi? Randi? Hello? Is anyone at home? No! (GROANING) (GROANING) (CLATTERING) Randi? Oh, Randi.
(SNARLING) Lan.
Good God! Kristen? (RANDI GROWLING) She sounds like a monster.
(CACKLING) I like feisty women.
Forget her, lan.
We're good together.
We always were.
Yes, well, we've changed.
You certainly have.
Yes, I have.
And so can you! (GROWLING) (GROWLING) Join me.
I can't.
I'll have you either way.
Listen, Kristen, wait.
Wait! Look, it's not too late to fight this thing.
(GROWLING) (GROWLING) There's only one thing we're going to do together.
(SCREAMING) No, stop! Stop, you'll kill her! (BOTH GROWLING) Stop! Kristen! Kristen! (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (BOTH GROWLING) Lan? Lan.
Lan? Lan? Over here.
My God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, lan.
I thought you I thought you were I thought Oh, lan I thought you were I thought you were, too.
I'm not.
Neither am I.
And Kristen? (SIGHING) Did I She did it to herself.
This is what you go through every time, isn't it? (LAUGHING) Every full moon.
How do you bear it? Without you, I couldn't.
I'll always be here.
So will I.
(COUGHING) She's out there right now, spending my pension.
I didn't spend my life in the service of Her Majesty so that your mother could spend my money on luxuries.
What did you do it for? A comfortable life.
A decent standard of living.
Well, don't luxuries fit into that somewhere? I mean, all she wants to do is look beautiful for her man.
Now, isn't that worth encouraging? You've been watching too many Alan Alda movies.
MRS.
MATHESON: We're home! We're broke.
There's a wonderful sale on at Copeland's.
A treasure trove of bargains at the Petticoat Pantry.
All in all, a shopper's dream.
And a husband's nightmare.
So, ladies, show us your bounty.
I've got a wonderful clutch purse.
MR.
MATHESON: You've got 50 purses! But not a purple one.
I found a Scottish wool sweater that's so cozy, I just might fall asleep in class.
As if you need help.
And I found Burning Passion! The butcher make eyes at you again? It's a new fragrance.
A fragrance? From pure and natural products.
MRS.
MATHESON: A steal at only L20 an ounce.
(IAN SNIFFING) Guaranteed to bring out the beast in your men.
(BOTTLE BREAKING) ALL: Oh! It worked.
(GROWLING)
I don't blame you.
What makes you think a werewolf killed your tenant? Lan.
And why not a zombie, or a witch, or a particularly rude Martian.
Here, I didn't come here to be ridiculed.
I mean, I thought your advertisement was a genuine offer to help.
Not a way to make people feel small.
I'm sorry, but I thought you were being serious.
We are serious.
All Professor Matheson is trying to say, in his own way, is what makes you think there's not a rational explanation? The poor man was ripped to shreds.
And I can't believe the police explanation that it was the sharp claws of a wild dog.
Perhaps a jilted manicurist.
Professor! I'm simply trying to choose an appropriate mask for Rag Week.
Rag Week? Rag Week? One week, every year, the university lets its hair down for charity.
Charity? I don't want your bleeding charity.
I mean, I operate a clean, respectable building in the West End, occupied by working professionals of good standing.
There are no children, no riffraff and no pets are allowed.
Really? Kind of rules out the wild dog theory, huh? What kind of rent are we talking about? We are talking about a vicious murder.
I'm talking about a vacancy.
Ooh! Could one of my tenants be a monster? I'd like to see the apartment.
Me, too.
Smashing idea.
Come on.
We haven't a second to waste.
Oh! With pleasure.
With pleasure, Professor.
Oh, yes.
We can go right now, sir.
We really can.
Shall I wait in the Yes, we'll be right with you.
(DOOR CLOSES) All right.
What a stroke of luck.
I can probably get it for a pittance.
I mean, nobody wants to rent an apartment where a murder took place.
I wonder if it has a view.
(SIGHING) You don't believe him? I believe that if the price is right, it's time for me to move.
I think he's onto something.
I think he's a whacko.
A whacko I can bargain down to a price a scholar could afford.
There could be a werewolf living in that building, you know.
I'm used to that.
Did it ever occur to you the culprit could be a wild dog? Oh, yeah.
Just like that wild dog that bit me.
You were attacked on a full moon.
There won't be a full moon for another day.
Kind of rules out your werewolf theory, huh? (SCOFFS) Oh, by the way, Mr.
Nile, are utilities included? Do you know what a professor of mythology makes? Under ordinary circumstances, I certainly couldn't afford to live in a building like this.
Well, why would you want to? The place is crawling with wild dogs.
This is it.
I haven't had a chance to clean it up yet.
(WHISTLING) What do you think, a French poodle? Maybe an angry terrier? He did leave a cleaning deposit, didn't he? This has always been such a nice, quiet building.
Nothing like this has happened before.
Yes, well, word will get around, I'm afraid.
I hate to think how hard it will be to find a new tenant.
Oh, do you think so? Oh, yes.
You know, people can be so cold, so unforgiving.
Tell me, is it a month-to-month or a lease? Look at this.
At least the killer tried not to stain the carpet.
The new tenant will appreciate that.
Oh! Read the ad.
Randi, these are the personals.
The pleadings of the Ionely and the lovelorn.
I think I should move in before I start entertaining.
(CLEARS THROAT) "Lonely and lusty professional woman seeks the comfort and warmth "of a good man.
" It's circled, and there's a phone number.
I think we've found ourselves a werewolf here.
Randi, I feel terrible about what happened to the poor man who lived here, but not every occurrence that isn't readily explained is the work of supernatural entities.
I've got a feeling about this.
So have I.
But if I play my cards right, this could be my new address.
Tell me, kind sir, what is the rent? L1,000.
Yes.
This man wasn't murdered.
He just got his monthly bill.
Oh.
Hello? Hello, Kristen McCord.
Kristen, is it? Just one moment, please.
Speak to Kristen.
(LAUGHS) (WHISPERING) And who is Kristen? I don't Just talk to her.
Hello, Kristen? It can't be.
Is that lan? Lan Matheson? Yes.
What a wonderful surprise! Kristen, is that really you? Yes.
How are you? How good to hear your voice again after all this time.
Oh, we must get together.
Tell me, where are you working these days? I wonder if she's changed.
I wonder what she changes into.
Kristen McCord is a rational, level-headed woman, not a savage killer.
Neither am I, except during a full moon.
But how do you know she doesn't turn into a vicious animal, huh? Actually, I know she does.
But I survived.
Well, Ed Decker wasn't so lucky.
Do you have any idea where we're going? Oh, Dr.
McCord.
Thanks.
She was pre-med, and I was studying mythology.
(CHUCKLES) We shared a lust for life.
For life.
Right.
Oh, those glorious spring afternoons we spent together, studying under the cherry blossoms.
I taught her the joys of world mythology.
And she taught you the joys of playing doctor? It was a great year.
So what happened? We were young, we drifted apart.
It was nothing serious.
Well, this is.
Ed Decker was butchered by your old girlfriend last night.
Look, she may have been a hot-blooded pre-med, but today she's a cold-blooded killer.
Ed Decker was killed by a wild dog.
You can't blame Kristen for that.
Oh, God.
IAN: Kristen? Lan? Lan? Lan! Kristen! (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey! Oh, you look wonderful! Oh, you look more beautiful than ever.
(RANDI CLEARING THROAT) Oh, sorry.
This is my student, Randi Wallace.
Randi, this is "A Ionely and lusty professional, "seeking the warmth and comfort of a good man.
" You know your classifieds.
Oh, only the blood-soaked ones.
You must have a wild social life.
Not nearly as wild as yours.
My dates usually survive the night.
KRISTEN: Why would they want to? Mmm.
Glad to see you haven't lost that delightfully wicked sense of humor.
Run along, Randi.
Don't want to miss your bus.
Want a lift? Not in your dreams, darling.
Who is she? Forgive her.
She took Ed's death very hard.
They were friends? Like brother and sister.
Mmm, I shouldn't have been so hard on her.
(SIGHING) Forgive me, Randi.
I didn't know how close you and Ed were.
We were close? I know the word doesn't do your relationship justice.
It's been a hard day, and I'm afraid I took things out on you.
Let's start again.
Isn't she great? Kristen McCord, at your service.
And I will do whatever I can Take over, Gene.
To help you find out about your friend.
(CLEARING THROAT) Wasn't he your friend? Oh, don't take this the wrong way, but he was hardly a friend.
An acquaintance? A meal? A guinea pig.
It's not as awful as it sounds.
I've been studying sex.
So lan told me.
Yes, well, this is a little different to my previous research, as in-depth as that was.
At first, we were just looking to create a new fragrance.
Ah! Oxypolymorphene 29.
Every living creature gives off hormones when it's sexually excited.
(SNIFFING) Mmm.
KRISTEN: Those hormones attract the opposite sex.
I've developed a serum that merely intensifies that effect.
An aphrodisiac? Of a sort.
(CHUCKLES) She is Ionely and lusty.
I've tested Oxypolymorphene (GRUNTS) To see if it has any effect.
I've met with dozens of men for dinner, anonymously, through the classifieds, to see if the potion made is more ardent.
Fat men, old men, ugly men.
Even a few handsome ones.
Did it work? Oh, yes, it worked.
Often I had a hard time keeping things just friendly.
But with Ed, it worked better than I thought.
You connected on an intellectual as well as a spiritual level? (CLATTERING) We had explosive sex.
(GLASS BREAKING) So good, I blacked out.
All I can remember is waking up in my apartment feeling great.
(RANDI EXCLAIMING) Sounds rather far-fetched to me.
(RANDI MOANING) Yes, well, I wouldn't believe it either, (RANDI MOANING) If I hadn't experienced it for myself.
It's a very unorthodox way to conduct your research, but then again, (CLATTERING) You always were rather unorthodox.
Isn't that what you loved about me? Look, I know I went over the line, but I just had to know if it worked.
It sounds to me more like a psychological reaction than a chemical one.
But enough of this talk of your research.
(RANDI LAUGHING) I want to catch up on old times.
So do I.
And I just happen to be free for dinner tonight.
(RANDI EXCLAIMING) What a coincidence.
So am I.
Do you have a favorite restaurant? (RANDI LAUGHING) My place.
I've just bought it.
I've hardly moved in.
You'll be my first guest.
And I'm just dying to show it off.
What are we waiting for, then? Do you remember Oxford? That day on the punt? I got stuck on the pole.
(LAUGHING) (RANDI LAUGHING) Yoo-hoo, honey.
Time to go.
(RANDI SCREAMING) Get off me! You Oh (SCREAMING) RANDl: Help! I'm going to have to take some of this stuff home for the wife, eh, Peter? (PETER GROANING) MAN: Peter? Peter? Peter, you don't look well.
(GROWLING) Peter, what is it? No! What about your friend? Friend? Oh, Randi.
RANDl: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Give me a moment.
You can't go with her! Relax.
(MAN SCREAMING) What was that? You can't.
You drive.
I'll ride with her.
No, you can't go alone with her.
She'll eat you alive! I'm counting on it.
You don't understand! That serum is very There's something very wrong with it.
It brings out the beast in people! So does a glass of wine, candles and some good music.
So I hope.
Lan! (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) You've come a long way from your cramped, cluttered student dorm.
I always dreamed of having a home like this.
Even back when we were together.
But you You haven't changed at all.
Of course I have.
I'm not the gawky, awkward student you remember.
No.
You're still the intensely curious, serious lan Matheson I remember.
Marveling at all the little mysteries you found in the library.
Your single-minded enthusiasm was so frustrating that it was sexy.
(GRUNTING) I wanted so badly to distract you, to break that That resolve.
As I recall, you succeeded on more than one occasion.
As I recall, I succeeded right on the librarian's desk.
And what did you become? The kind of enthusiastic, totally absorbed professor impressionable young school girls ache to distract? (GLASS BREAKING) Speaking of which Randi seems to have a keen interest in you, and you in her.
We've been through a lot together.
But not what you might think.
She has a very serious problem that I've been helping her with.
Solving it would mean a great deal to both of us.
Maybe I could help.
Perhaps you could.
After all, you have become a highly-paid corporate scientist.
And yet you're still trying to bring out the beast in people.
Purely scientific curiosity.
You just like people to pay attention to you.
What woman doesn't? What is this? Something sweet.
A dessert wine? A fruit juice? A cognac? What? A little after-dinner aphrodisiac.
Still looking for attention.
Always.
You don't need a glassful of sugar water for that.
(KRISTEN LAUGHING) (IAN LAUGHING) (BOTH GROANING) (KRISTEN GROANING) (BOTH GROANING) (BOTH GROWLING) I've never felt this great.
Me, too.
Except Except? (GROANS) Ooh! (LAUGHING) I hurt all over.
Me, too.
Ooh! (GROANING) I guess it was good for you, then.
I guess it was.
I mean, I know it was.
Wasn't it? Of course it was.
It was terrific for both of us.
Budge over.
Don't you think? Oh, definitely.
It was great.
The best ever.
We were animals.
(CHUCKLING) I'll never forget it.
Me, neither.
He's about 6 feet tall, blue eyes, brownish mousy hair.
POLICEMAN: Yes? Well, he's been missing since about 8:00 last night.
Did you say missing? Yeah, but he's been with his ex-girlfriend.
Last night? Yeah, she's been doing these studies with aphrodisiacs and (DIAL TONE DRONING) Hello? (SIGHING) Oh! (IAN LAUGHING) Lan.
Oh, my God! Kristen did this to you, didn't she? Oh, yes.
Oh.
I knew it.
You're lucky to be alive.
Oh, you said it.
Oh, I knew it.
You know, she pretends like she's this scientist, and then under this cool facade, she's actually a vicious animal.
Oh, that's her.
Oh, my God, we've got to do something about this.
We have? Yes.
We? Yes! You don't think I'd let you go see her alone, do you? I certainly hope so.
What? I I know Kristen's a vicious animal, but I don't think she's that kinky.
(YAWNING) Although, it wouldn't hurt to ask her.
Pig.
To think I worried about you.
You didn't try that Oxy-poly stuff, did you? Just a tiny taste.
Lan! That stuff makes you do things you'd never do! That stuff could turn you into a killer.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
It's just a placebo.
(GROANING) Just a harmless bit of sugar water.
Although, I wouldn't mix it with a Chardonnay again, because I've got a hell of a headache.
You let her try experimental drugs on you? What else did you let her do? (LAUGHING) Oh, oh, oh, oh.
To be honest, I'm a little bit fuzzy about some of the details.
Which details? All of them.
But I think my memory might be a bit sharper after I've had a little sleep.
Oh, I'm dead beat.
(GROANING) Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
KRISTEN: Oh! Impossible! (SOBBING) Oh! Oh! Be rational about this.
I did not turn into a monster.
Neither did he.
Oh, no! Oh! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) MAN: No, no! No! (MAN SCREAMING) (SIREN BLARING) Another wild dog? Anything is possible.
Follow me.
It doesn't mean Kristen was involved.
What? There's a guy mauled not 10 feet from Kristen's lab and you still don't see a connection? I see a troubling coincidence.
You're going to get us lost again, you know.
Come on, this is the way.
I don't think we should be in here.
There's no harm in just looking around.
You know, I think that drug brings out the monsters in people.
Oh, yes.
That's a much more believable explanation! Why didn't I think of it? Would you listen to me? If she can bring out the beast in people, maybe she can snub it out, too.
I mean, you reverse the effect of that drug and you've got my cure.
Tonight's a full moon.
You're letting your need for a cure and your dislike of Kristen cloud your judgment.
Be logical about this.
I mean, if one of my students died horribly tomorrow, would that mean I was a supernatural monster? No, it would probably mean that you gave another lecture on the interstitial matrices of the psycho-socio myths.
Whatever the answer is, I'm sure Kristen will offer a fresh perspective on the problem.
Yeah, well She better or I'll wring it out of her.
Are you sure you know where you're going? Trust me.
Lan, no! Oh! Ow! (GASPING) Another troubling coincidence? Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, lan.
No need to apologize.
You were just looking at the facts.
We've got to find Kristen.
Fast.
You're absolutely right.
She might need a comforting shoulder to cry on.
You're too kind.
I don't want to get near her, and I'm a werewolf.
What do you mean? I mean that I would not want to cuddle up to some vicious killer, even if I was in love with him.
You still think she's responsible for this? You don't? This man is This man was a psychopathic killer, who obviously died trying to take another victim.
I mean, I guess he must have had a pathological attraction to Kristen and killed any man that got close to her.
Which is why all the clues pointed in this direction.
That man took Oxypolymorphene The same way that Kristen did.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're letting your imagination run wild.
This aphrodisiac is harmless.
It's nothing more than sugar water.
Lan, don't.
Don't! Mmm.
Mmm.
That hit the spot.
Now, tell me, do you find me irresistible? Hardly.
I'm getting out of here.
Oh, Randi.
Randi.
Randi! Have I transformed into a lusty beast? Case closed.
So let's find Kristen and help her through this tragedy.
I guess you're right.
Maybe my imagination is going wild.
You know, I wasn't going to tell you this, but last night in the lab, me and one of the Oh, no.
(SNARLING) This is Rag Week, right? (GROWLING) Get away from me, lan! Stay away from me! No, lan! (RANDI SCREAMING) (IAN GROWLING) Oh, no.
Lan Ahhh! (SNARLING) (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Sorry about this, lan.
Oh, my God.
Lan.
(ALL CHATTERING) I'm sorry.
I've just got to get to the post.
Bye.
(GROANING) Oh, my head.
Oh! My back.
Oh, my God! Shh! Randi! How good to see you.
You wouldn't happen to know why I'm chained up here, would you? You don't remember? This afternoon? You? Me? Us? These? How could we deny our burning desire? Yes, how could we? (LAUGHING) I mean, who would've dreamt our passion could be so powerful? Yes.
Who could have dreamt it? I mean, it was It was marvelous.
It was fantastic.
It was It was unforgettable.
Don't you think so? Frankly, I've had better days.
(CHUCKLING) Relax.
We didn't do anything.
We didn't? No.
Oh, thank God.
I mean, not that you aren't desirable.
You are.
You are deeply desirable.
You're one of the most desirable (SHOUTING) Why am I chained? Shh! The same reason I will be tonight.
Only my transformations are not chemically induced.
I changed? Into a monster.
Fangs, eyes, claws, fur.
The whole nine yards.
Then, Kristen My God.
Oxypolymorphene really packs a wallop.
I swiped this from Kristen's lab.
Now, if we can analyze this stuff, we can cure all of us.
I didn't I didn't hurt anyone, did I? Oh, don't worry.
You took a cold shower before you could do that.
(RANDI CLEARING THROAT) But I have to find Kristen and chain her up.
And then I have to chain myself up before anyone else gets hurt.
Wait a minute! Aren't you forgetting something? Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't do much good without these.
Or me! You not intending to leave me here, are you? I think I'd prefer to keep you tied up for a little while.
Well, don't be ridiculous! Kristen could be dangerous.
So could you.
Look, we don't know what the residual effects of this drug are.
You could change again.
I'm willing to take that chance.
I'm not.
I know what it's like to wake up from a transformation.
To wonder if I've hurt anyone, or if I've killed anyone.
If I've killed you.
I don't want you to have to go through that again.
I guess I'll hang around here tonight.
Good idea.
(SIGHING) I guess I preferred mythology when it wasn't real.
(THUNDER RUMBLING) Kristen? Hello, Kristen? It's me, Randi.
Randi Wallace, lan's friend.
Hello? IAN: Randi? Is that you? Did you find her? Lan? Aunt Elsa! That door is supposed to be locked.
What are you doing down here? I'm looking for my purple afghan.
What are you doing down here? Important research.
Oh.
With Randi? We're delving into the mythology of captivity, hoping to gain a better knowledge of ancient legends.
Oh.
That's why she's gone looking for another woman.
I don't have time to explain all the details.
Oh, that's okay.
I'll watch, and I'll pick them up as I go along.
(GLASS BREAKING) Kristen? Kristen? Kristen? Yoo-hoo.
It's Randi.
Kristen.
We have to talk.
You have a serious problem.
KRISTEN: Tell me about it.
Kristen? I'm still picking the repairman out of my teeth.
You killed Ed, didn't you? Probably.
I can't remember.
But this time I do.
Every detail.
After seven doses, the serum has mutated every cell in my body.
I'm changing uncontrollably, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Let me help you.
By chaining me up? Believe me, I know what happens to lab animals, and I have no desire to become one.
Look, you created this stuff.
Surely you can find a cure.
You're a scientist.
I was a scientist.
I'm something else now, and I think I like it.
Listen, you can fight it.
I know you can.
You have to protect yourself and everybody else from what you've become and then find a way to cure it.
Who says? (RANDI SCREAMING) Kristen? Kristen? You don't understand! No, come back! Kristen, please help me! Randi? Randi? Hello? Is anyone at home? No! (GROANING) (GROANING) (CLATTERING) Randi? Oh, Randi.
(SNARLING) Lan.
Good God! Kristen? (RANDI GROWLING) She sounds like a monster.
(CACKLING) I like feisty women.
Forget her, lan.
We're good together.
We always were.
Yes, well, we've changed.
You certainly have.
Yes, I have.
And so can you! (GROWLING) (GROWLING) Join me.
I can't.
I'll have you either way.
Listen, Kristen, wait.
Wait! Look, it's not too late to fight this thing.
(GROWLING) (GROWLING) There's only one thing we're going to do together.
(SCREAMING) No, stop! Stop, you'll kill her! (BOTH GROWLING) Stop! Kristen! Kristen! (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (BOTH GROWLING) Lan? Lan.
Lan? Lan? Over here.
My God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, lan.
I thought you I thought you were I thought Oh, lan I thought you were I thought you were, too.
I'm not.
Neither am I.
And Kristen? (SIGHING) Did I She did it to herself.
This is what you go through every time, isn't it? (LAUGHING) Every full moon.
How do you bear it? Without you, I couldn't.
I'll always be here.
So will I.
(COUGHING) She's out there right now, spending my pension.
I didn't spend my life in the service of Her Majesty so that your mother could spend my money on luxuries.
What did you do it for? A comfortable life.
A decent standard of living.
Well, don't luxuries fit into that somewhere? I mean, all she wants to do is look beautiful for her man.
Now, isn't that worth encouraging? You've been watching too many Alan Alda movies.
MRS.
MATHESON: We're home! We're broke.
There's a wonderful sale on at Copeland's.
A treasure trove of bargains at the Petticoat Pantry.
All in all, a shopper's dream.
And a husband's nightmare.
So, ladies, show us your bounty.
I've got a wonderful clutch purse.
MR.
MATHESON: You've got 50 purses! But not a purple one.
I found a Scottish wool sweater that's so cozy, I just might fall asleep in class.
As if you need help.
And I found Burning Passion! The butcher make eyes at you again? It's a new fragrance.
A fragrance? From pure and natural products.
MRS.
MATHESON: A steal at only L20 an ounce.
(IAN SNIFFING) Guaranteed to bring out the beast in your men.
(BOTTLE BREAKING) ALL: Oh! It worked.
(GROWLING)