Sherri (2009) s01e12 Episode Script
Thanks for not for Nothing Giving
la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la Randy, thank you for walking me back from lunch.
I just love the city this time of year.
Well, what's not to love? Bitter winds, pushy holiday shoppers.
Oh, and that sweet old lady that gave us the finger.
You know, if she didn't want the job as mrs.
Claus, She shouldn't have taken it.
Thank you for inviting me for thanksgiving.
I wish i could come.
Oh, well, when you're done with the folks, there's leftovers.
That's the only reason my dad cooks.
He says thanksgiving is always better the day after.
He's obviously never eaten at my mother's house.
It's hard enough to get it down the day of.
You ever heard of a turducken? It's a batter-Dipped chicken, stuffed in a duck, Stuffed in a turkey.
Mmm.
It's like a deep-Fried petting zoo.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, if your plans change, come on over.
I know one thing i'm thankful for this year.
You.
Ohh! [ Chuckles .]
Back at you.
Oh, yeah, no.
Inappropriate.
Employee manual, paragraph 4, page 6 "Affection after hours or on weekends," okay? Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
[ Clears throat .]
Now it's going in your file.
Hey, celia? Hmm? Could you taste this yogurt for me? Does it taste like it went bad? [ Gagging .]
Oh! Yes.
And thank you.
Hey, y'all ready for thanksgiving? Oh, whatever.
I'm boycotting my family.
Why? Because every year, my uncles overeat, Take their shirts off, go into the front yard, And start bumping bellies until someone falls down.
Yeah, imagine my pride.
So, i am rescuing angie, And we are having dinner together at a sports bar.
Summer, didn't we discuss this? You're not still betting, are you? Oh, only on the coin toss.
[ Laughs .]
And the final score.
And the length of the half-Time show.
But that's just a side bet with my mom.
Is she coming, too? Oh, no, she's recovering from a chemical peel.
She had to cancel.
I am shocked that woman has not hit bone by now.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, i'll be packing dinners for the elderly While my husband mans the soup kitchen.
Oh, show-Off.
Well, what can i say? I'm better than all of you.
Summer, thanks so much for letting us use the break room.
You know i would be here for you, But this is my first thanksgiving without kevin, And i just want to spend the day at home Just me, my dad, and bo, drama-Free.
Sherri, for you, drama-Free is like sugar-Free.
You know it's better for you, But you just can't help yourself.
Mnh-Mnh, not this thanksgiving.
It's been a rough year with the separation.
I owe it to bo.
Celia, i hate the thought of you being here by yourself.
Summer, why don't we help her? Huh.
Because as much as i love charity, I love the cowboys plus seven even more.
Well, if you come early and help me, I'll drop you off at the bar when we're finished.
Okay, fine.
But listen if i win, Could you drive me over to queens to get my money? And if i lose, could you drive over me? [ Cellphone rings .]
Oh.
Hey, kevin.
No, just drop bo off thanksgiving morning.
What time are you doing dinner? Oh, you're not? Sherri.
What a shame.
He doesn't have anything to do.
You just said you wanted drama-Free.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
Come over for dinner with us.
Yes, i'm sure.
All right, i'm not saying anything.
But my eyebrow will.
Celia! What was i supposed to do? Let him eat alone? Uh, yeah.
But he's still part of my family.
I mean, sort of.
My new, modern family.
You know, like demi and ashton And bruce and whoever the hell he married.
I'm modern.
I'm so modern, i can handle anything.
Oh, hey, donna.
Hey, sherri.
Big thanksgiving plans? No.
I just got the lap-Band.
I can only eat a thumbful of corn.
I hope i don't snap this one.
You want a snack? Let me get you a snack.
Stay out of my kitchen.
And so it begins.
Redmond, you still insist on cooking by yourself? [ Laughs .]
Yeah, buddy.
[ Laughs .]
Why is he here? Dad! The man spends more time here Than he did when you was married.
Kevin was gonna be eating alone.
And we were gonna be eating together, just the three of us.
You wanted a simple dinner.
Well, it's fine with me.
It'll be good for bo.
It's perfectly normal.
It's not normal.
Well, what in this family is? He's supposed to be home, having a tv dinner.
[ Imitating redmond .]
you know, he can hear you.
[ Knocking on door .]
Kevin, can you get that? [ Imitating redmond .]
sure.
Now you're gonna let him answer your door, too? Daddy, no more scenes today.
Please? Surprise? [ Normal voice .]
sherri, bo's doctor is here.
Thank you, kevin.
Randy, i thought you were going out of town.
I was asked to cover for another doctor, So now i'm on call and i had to stay.
And i thought how nice it would be To go by and surprise sherri And her dad and her son and her soon-To-Be ex-Husband.
Surprise.
In retrospect, i should have called To warn you of the surprise.
No, it's great.
It's fine.
I said, "if your plans change.
" So, it's no trouble? No trouble at all.
If you don't mind eating an old apple and a stick of butter.
Dad, can you just go with the flow? And, kevin, can you show randy where the wine is? There.
Can you just get him a drink? Dr.
Gregg? I don't want a shot! I could use a shot.
[ Chuckles .]
Where's my tequila? Oh, we have a half an hour until kickoff.
How long is it gonna take celia to load that van? Just relax, summer.
Admit it it feels good to do charity.
Feel? [ Chuckles .]
Angie, it's the holiday season.
A fleet of physicians has made sure I won't feel anything until after the new year.
Oh, i am in the best non-Mood money can buy.
Come on, i'm serious.
Yes, it feels good to do charity.
If that's what i'm feeling.
Or maybe i'm just hungry or cold.
The van was stolen! Call 911! What? What?! 'Sup? 'Sup? What's going on, man? Yep, what is going on? [ Sighs .]
You a fan? I love football.
Giants? All the way.
High five! Too soon.
[ Pager beeping .]
Oh, excuse me.
Bo, nobody's getting a shot.
Come on out, sweetie.
Dr.
Gregg is just having dinner with us.
This is dr.
Gregg.
I was paged.
Paula.
You okay? Paula? My paula? I mean, ex paul I mean, never-Really-Was-My paula.
Is that a new blouse? Did you take his temperature? Okay.
What's wrong? She thinks the baby has a fever.
I just got a text.
She thinks the baby has a fever.
I just said that.
And she's not getting on the plane to see her grandparents.
You're not getting on the plane? I just said that.
Just to be safe, why don't we meet at my office? I'm coming with you.
I'll meet you in a half an hour.
With the parade? Make it two hours.
If the baby is sick, why don't you tell her to come here? It'll be much quicker.
Really? Really? Come on, really? Yes, really.
Kevin's here.
Her doctor's here.
Just makes more sense.
The hell it does.
Sherri says you should just come here.
[ Sighs .]
I cannot believe i just invited bo's brother over here, Before we had a chance to tell him he had a brother! But we've talked about it.
We know what we're gonna say.
Well, we know what we were gonna say someday, but not today.
I wanted to rehearse it.
Sherri, just remember what the books said, okay? We don't have to tell him everything.
Yeah, i saw the pictures.
We really can't tell him everything.
Okay.
It's like he was grown in a lab to be my type.
How's my hair? Big.
[ Chuckles .]
Yellowish.
[ Chuckles .]
Ooh, hard.
Officer, i really hope you catch these guys.
I mean, who steals a church van on thanksgiving day? It's just sinful.
Yeah.
Sinful.
Now, ma'am, can you tell me again Exactly where you last saw the van? Yeah, on seventh avenue, right in front.
Broad daylight, church lady's van On a day of giving thanks.
You mean in the tow-Away zone.
The what-Away what, now? I'm sure that it's at the impound lot.
And with the holiday, You're not gonna get it back till tomorrow.
[ Scoffs .]
this is not happening! Well, maybe you could drive us around to deliver food, On account of thanksgiving spirit And you're so cute.
[ Chuckles .]
so are you.
[ Clears throat .]
And i do get off in about 15 minutes.
So, uh, why don't we go put the stuff in my car? Oh, officer, thank you! And i'm sorry i yelled.
Not for nothing, but i'm a new york cop.
That ain't yelling.
No way.
I say, "not for nothing.
" No way.
Yeah.
It's like i'm watching animal planet.
Paula: his face got so flushed, And i know we're not supposed to fly if he's sick.
How sick is he? Feels like he might have a slight fever.
I'll check his ears for infection.
You were smart to be careful.
Is there someplace i can look him over? Yeah, use my room.
Kevin, can i talk to you for a sec? Sure.
[ Sighs .]
What's up? Kevin, i've been thinking about it, And i just don't feel it's the right time To tell bo about julian.
It could affect the rest of his life, And we shouldn't cram it in on a crazy day With a house full of people.
You're right.
I'm always right.
So, well, what should we do? When bo sees julian, We'll tell him that he's a patient of dr.
Gregg's.
Then, one day, when it's just the three of us, We'll delicately explain the situation.
How does that sound? Sounds perfect.
Great.
For the first time today, I really feel like i have something under control.
Mommy? Daddy? And, sometimes, there's so much love That little brothers and sisters Can come from all kinds of places.
Exactly.
So, bo, do you have any questions for us? Yes.
What is it? Can we name him spider-Man? [ Both laugh .]
Whoo! Ah.
Bo, he already has a name.
Julian.
Julian.
Julian spider-Man.
That'll work.
That'll work, yes.
Why don't you go show julian spider-Man one of your toys? Go.
[ Laughs .]
Sherri, i am so sorry.
Bo came out and asked who i was, And i panicked and said, "meet your brother.
" Paula! You couldn't have just told him you were a friend of mine And waited three seconds for me to tell him? I'm a friend of yours? Really? Yeah, sure.
Um Paula, i cannot have any more surprises, So can you not talk to bo until he's 18? Or you're 18? Or somebody's 18? Of course.
Hey, blond lady Can you and spider-Man stay over for dinner? I'm not supposed to talk to you.
Oh, paula, for crying out loud, do you want to stay for dinner? Yes, i'd love to.
I'm starving.
[ Chuckles .]
Great.
Perfect.
This is exactly the thanksgiving i always wanted.
Excuse me.
I have to make a phone call.
Celia? Sherri.
Not good.
Oh, i think i'm losing my mind.
My dad is complaining, randy showed up, And bo just found out he's got a brother.
I just needed to hear your voice, 'cause i Hello? Hello?! Ohh! Really? You couldn't have given me three bars To talk to my best friend? [ Knocking on door .]
Oh! Celia, what are you doing here? All i heard was, "i'm losing my mind," So i came right over, because, coincidentally, I was doing the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Where's your television? Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Ooh, odd grouping.
[ Chuckles .]
What's the score? Is there beer? Uh, come in? Sherri, sorry.
They were with me.
They? Oh, hi, sherri.
It was so sweet of you to invite us over for dinner.
If only i had.
Officer, you're early.
I haven't killed anybody yet.
Officer frank caponera, ma'am.
He says, "ma'am.
" How hot.
Sherri, i have never seen anything like it.
I mean, she was like a lion taking down a gazelle.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you gonna feed all these people? Leftovers, sherri! Officer, do you have a taser? And will my father recover from it? No! No!! Hold onto the ball, princess! You were gonna get hit anyway! Damn it! Damn it! Hey! Hey, could you you know, with the swearing? I got a kid and a baby.
Oh, so, i guess you're too busy to do the beer run? Look at that.
Aw, shameful, man! Shameful! Yeah.
So, what do you need from me, sherri? Supportive celia or "i told you so" celia? Okay, for the record, I never need "i told you so" celia.
Oh, where am i gonna seat all these people? I can't put randy next to kevin.
My dad won't sit near either of them.
And i got to keep paula away from bo.
Sherri, can i use your room to breast-Feed julian? Oh, how i was hoping you would ask that.
Go ahead.
[ Knocking on door .]
Wait a minute.
You got to be kidding me.
Who could that be? Literally everybody i know is in this room.
Angie, i got neighbors! [ Glass shatters .]
happy now? Gravy's gone.
So is my patience.
Did you just double dip? What if i did? It's cold-And-Flu season! Summer, sit in between them.
It's cold-And-Flu season! Oh, good.
Must be the chinese food i ordered.
Kung pao palace.
No way.
Sherri? Wait a minute.
I know you.
Russell? Yeah.
We made out outside the nightclub, But my mom caught us.
Excuse me?! You know, i just turned 18.
Excuse me?! Yeah, so so, we're cool now.
[ Squeals .]
I'm not going to say anything.
I'm gonna go in the hall Ohh! We are one bouncer and brick wall Away from being a "jerry springer" show in there.
Well, if you want, I can pull your wig off and beat you up.
Would you? Because that would be the best thing that happened all day.
Sherri, what did you want to have happen today? I just wanted a nice, simple family thanksgiving.
Then you shouldn't have invited kevin over.
He had nowhere to go.
And you shouldn't have allowed paula to bring over her baby.
He was sick.
She was scared.
And you shouldn't have told randy That he could just show up.
Well, i want him to feel like he's welcome in my home.
Sherri, if you insist on having this big, open heart, Then this is the hot mess of a thanksgiving you're gonna get.
Is this the "i told you so" celia? Well, you invited her, too.
Mommy? Oh, baby, come here.
Give me a hug.
[ Chuckles .]
You know what? Mommy put together quite a crazy thanksgiving, didn't she? It's the best one ever! Plus, i have a new brother who fits in my truck.
Okay, let's eat.
But first, let's get the baby out of the truck.
Sherri! Everybody! Everybody, i'm sorry i got a little stressed back there.
Everything is fine, and i'm thankful you're all here.
Well, i'm thankful For new york city's aggressive towing policy, So i could meet you.
Ditto.
Well, sherri, i'm thankful that you have such a hard time saying no.
I mean, most of us would be alone this year If it weren't for you.
And i'm thankful my boys won the game So i can keep my condo.
Although, i did blow it on the half-Time-Show bet with my mom, So if anybody could loan me $1,800, i'd appreciate that.
And on that holiday note, let's cut the turkey And the egg rolls.
[ All cheering .]
I'll do it.
I got it.
Maybe i should.
I'm a guy.
Sherri: okay, everybody Everybody, sit down.
Uh, sit down.
Sit down! This is my house, my turkey, And this year, i will do the cutting myself, Thank you very much.
This may not be the family i started with Or the family i thought would be forever, But it's the messy, complicated family i got.
And i love it.
[ Laughs .]
Mommy? Yes, honey? If julian is my brother, Does that make the blond lady my mommy now, too? Oh, snap! Oh, snap! [ Laughs .]
Cornbread.
Who wants cornbread? I do.
Bring the cornbread around.
There you are.
I cannot get this turkey.
I keep trying.
I just love the city this time of year.
Well, what's not to love? Bitter winds, pushy holiday shoppers.
Oh, and that sweet old lady that gave us the finger.
You know, if she didn't want the job as mrs.
Claus, She shouldn't have taken it.
Thank you for inviting me for thanksgiving.
I wish i could come.
Oh, well, when you're done with the folks, there's leftovers.
That's the only reason my dad cooks.
He says thanksgiving is always better the day after.
He's obviously never eaten at my mother's house.
It's hard enough to get it down the day of.
You ever heard of a turducken? It's a batter-Dipped chicken, stuffed in a duck, Stuffed in a turkey.
Mmm.
It's like a deep-Fried petting zoo.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, if your plans change, come on over.
I know one thing i'm thankful for this year.
You.
Ohh! [ Chuckles .]
Back at you.
Oh, yeah, no.
Inappropriate.
Employee manual, paragraph 4, page 6 "Affection after hours or on weekends," okay? Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
[ Clears throat .]
Now it's going in your file.
Hey, celia? Hmm? Could you taste this yogurt for me? Does it taste like it went bad? [ Gagging .]
Oh! Yes.
And thank you.
Hey, y'all ready for thanksgiving? Oh, whatever.
I'm boycotting my family.
Why? Because every year, my uncles overeat, Take their shirts off, go into the front yard, And start bumping bellies until someone falls down.
Yeah, imagine my pride.
So, i am rescuing angie, And we are having dinner together at a sports bar.
Summer, didn't we discuss this? You're not still betting, are you? Oh, only on the coin toss.
[ Laughs .]
And the final score.
And the length of the half-Time show.
But that's just a side bet with my mom.
Is she coming, too? Oh, no, she's recovering from a chemical peel.
She had to cancel.
I am shocked that woman has not hit bone by now.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, i'll be packing dinners for the elderly While my husband mans the soup kitchen.
Oh, show-Off.
Well, what can i say? I'm better than all of you.
Summer, thanks so much for letting us use the break room.
You know i would be here for you, But this is my first thanksgiving without kevin, And i just want to spend the day at home Just me, my dad, and bo, drama-Free.
Sherri, for you, drama-Free is like sugar-Free.
You know it's better for you, But you just can't help yourself.
Mnh-Mnh, not this thanksgiving.
It's been a rough year with the separation.
I owe it to bo.
Celia, i hate the thought of you being here by yourself.
Summer, why don't we help her? Huh.
Because as much as i love charity, I love the cowboys plus seven even more.
Well, if you come early and help me, I'll drop you off at the bar when we're finished.
Okay, fine.
But listen if i win, Could you drive me over to queens to get my money? And if i lose, could you drive over me? [ Cellphone rings .]
Oh.
Hey, kevin.
No, just drop bo off thanksgiving morning.
What time are you doing dinner? Oh, you're not? Sherri.
What a shame.
He doesn't have anything to do.
You just said you wanted drama-Free.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
Come over for dinner with us.
Yes, i'm sure.
All right, i'm not saying anything.
But my eyebrow will.
Celia! What was i supposed to do? Let him eat alone? Uh, yeah.
But he's still part of my family.
I mean, sort of.
My new, modern family.
You know, like demi and ashton And bruce and whoever the hell he married.
I'm modern.
I'm so modern, i can handle anything.
Oh, hey, donna.
Hey, sherri.
Big thanksgiving plans? No.
I just got the lap-Band.
I can only eat a thumbful of corn.
I hope i don't snap this one.
You want a snack? Let me get you a snack.
Stay out of my kitchen.
And so it begins.
Redmond, you still insist on cooking by yourself? [ Laughs .]
Yeah, buddy.
[ Laughs .]
Why is he here? Dad! The man spends more time here Than he did when you was married.
Kevin was gonna be eating alone.
And we were gonna be eating together, just the three of us.
You wanted a simple dinner.
Well, it's fine with me.
It'll be good for bo.
It's perfectly normal.
It's not normal.
Well, what in this family is? He's supposed to be home, having a tv dinner.
[ Imitating redmond .]
you know, he can hear you.
[ Knocking on door .]
Kevin, can you get that? [ Imitating redmond .]
sure.
Now you're gonna let him answer your door, too? Daddy, no more scenes today.
Please? Surprise? [ Normal voice .]
sherri, bo's doctor is here.
Thank you, kevin.
Randy, i thought you were going out of town.
I was asked to cover for another doctor, So now i'm on call and i had to stay.
And i thought how nice it would be To go by and surprise sherri And her dad and her son and her soon-To-Be ex-Husband.
Surprise.
In retrospect, i should have called To warn you of the surprise.
No, it's great.
It's fine.
I said, "if your plans change.
" So, it's no trouble? No trouble at all.
If you don't mind eating an old apple and a stick of butter.
Dad, can you just go with the flow? And, kevin, can you show randy where the wine is? There.
Can you just get him a drink? Dr.
Gregg? I don't want a shot! I could use a shot.
[ Chuckles .]
Where's my tequila? Oh, we have a half an hour until kickoff.
How long is it gonna take celia to load that van? Just relax, summer.
Admit it it feels good to do charity.
Feel? [ Chuckles .]
Angie, it's the holiday season.
A fleet of physicians has made sure I won't feel anything until after the new year.
Oh, i am in the best non-Mood money can buy.
Come on, i'm serious.
Yes, it feels good to do charity.
If that's what i'm feeling.
Or maybe i'm just hungry or cold.
The van was stolen! Call 911! What? What?! 'Sup? 'Sup? What's going on, man? Yep, what is going on? [ Sighs .]
You a fan? I love football.
Giants? All the way.
High five! Too soon.
[ Pager beeping .]
Oh, excuse me.
Bo, nobody's getting a shot.
Come on out, sweetie.
Dr.
Gregg is just having dinner with us.
This is dr.
Gregg.
I was paged.
Paula.
You okay? Paula? My paula? I mean, ex paul I mean, never-Really-Was-My paula.
Is that a new blouse? Did you take his temperature? Okay.
What's wrong? She thinks the baby has a fever.
I just got a text.
She thinks the baby has a fever.
I just said that.
And she's not getting on the plane to see her grandparents.
You're not getting on the plane? I just said that.
Just to be safe, why don't we meet at my office? I'm coming with you.
I'll meet you in a half an hour.
With the parade? Make it two hours.
If the baby is sick, why don't you tell her to come here? It'll be much quicker.
Really? Really? Come on, really? Yes, really.
Kevin's here.
Her doctor's here.
Just makes more sense.
The hell it does.
Sherri says you should just come here.
[ Sighs .]
I cannot believe i just invited bo's brother over here, Before we had a chance to tell him he had a brother! But we've talked about it.
We know what we're gonna say.
Well, we know what we were gonna say someday, but not today.
I wanted to rehearse it.
Sherri, just remember what the books said, okay? We don't have to tell him everything.
Yeah, i saw the pictures.
We really can't tell him everything.
Okay.
It's like he was grown in a lab to be my type.
How's my hair? Big.
[ Chuckles .]
Yellowish.
[ Chuckles .]
Ooh, hard.
Officer, i really hope you catch these guys.
I mean, who steals a church van on thanksgiving day? It's just sinful.
Yeah.
Sinful.
Now, ma'am, can you tell me again Exactly where you last saw the van? Yeah, on seventh avenue, right in front.
Broad daylight, church lady's van On a day of giving thanks.
You mean in the tow-Away zone.
The what-Away what, now? I'm sure that it's at the impound lot.
And with the holiday, You're not gonna get it back till tomorrow.
[ Scoffs .]
this is not happening! Well, maybe you could drive us around to deliver food, On account of thanksgiving spirit And you're so cute.
[ Chuckles .]
so are you.
[ Clears throat .]
And i do get off in about 15 minutes.
So, uh, why don't we go put the stuff in my car? Oh, officer, thank you! And i'm sorry i yelled.
Not for nothing, but i'm a new york cop.
That ain't yelling.
No way.
I say, "not for nothing.
" No way.
Yeah.
It's like i'm watching animal planet.
Paula: his face got so flushed, And i know we're not supposed to fly if he's sick.
How sick is he? Feels like he might have a slight fever.
I'll check his ears for infection.
You were smart to be careful.
Is there someplace i can look him over? Yeah, use my room.
Kevin, can i talk to you for a sec? Sure.
[ Sighs .]
What's up? Kevin, i've been thinking about it, And i just don't feel it's the right time To tell bo about julian.
It could affect the rest of his life, And we shouldn't cram it in on a crazy day With a house full of people.
You're right.
I'm always right.
So, well, what should we do? When bo sees julian, We'll tell him that he's a patient of dr.
Gregg's.
Then, one day, when it's just the three of us, We'll delicately explain the situation.
How does that sound? Sounds perfect.
Great.
For the first time today, I really feel like i have something under control.
Mommy? Daddy? And, sometimes, there's so much love That little brothers and sisters Can come from all kinds of places.
Exactly.
So, bo, do you have any questions for us? Yes.
What is it? Can we name him spider-Man? [ Both laugh .]
Whoo! Ah.
Bo, he already has a name.
Julian.
Julian.
Julian spider-Man.
That'll work.
That'll work, yes.
Why don't you go show julian spider-Man one of your toys? Go.
[ Laughs .]
Sherri, i am so sorry.
Bo came out and asked who i was, And i panicked and said, "meet your brother.
" Paula! You couldn't have just told him you were a friend of mine And waited three seconds for me to tell him? I'm a friend of yours? Really? Yeah, sure.
Um Paula, i cannot have any more surprises, So can you not talk to bo until he's 18? Or you're 18? Or somebody's 18? Of course.
Hey, blond lady Can you and spider-Man stay over for dinner? I'm not supposed to talk to you.
Oh, paula, for crying out loud, do you want to stay for dinner? Yes, i'd love to.
I'm starving.
[ Chuckles .]
Great.
Perfect.
This is exactly the thanksgiving i always wanted.
Excuse me.
I have to make a phone call.
Celia? Sherri.
Not good.
Oh, i think i'm losing my mind.
My dad is complaining, randy showed up, And bo just found out he's got a brother.
I just needed to hear your voice, 'cause i Hello? Hello?! Ohh! Really? You couldn't have given me three bars To talk to my best friend? [ Knocking on door .]
Oh! Celia, what are you doing here? All i heard was, "i'm losing my mind," So i came right over, because, coincidentally, I was doing the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Where's your television? Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Ooh, odd grouping.
[ Chuckles .]
What's the score? Is there beer? Uh, come in? Sherri, sorry.
They were with me.
They? Oh, hi, sherri.
It was so sweet of you to invite us over for dinner.
If only i had.
Officer, you're early.
I haven't killed anybody yet.
Officer frank caponera, ma'am.
He says, "ma'am.
" How hot.
Sherri, i have never seen anything like it.
I mean, she was like a lion taking down a gazelle.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you gonna feed all these people? Leftovers, sherri! Officer, do you have a taser? And will my father recover from it? No! No!! Hold onto the ball, princess! You were gonna get hit anyway! Damn it! Damn it! Hey! Hey, could you you know, with the swearing? I got a kid and a baby.
Oh, so, i guess you're too busy to do the beer run? Look at that.
Aw, shameful, man! Shameful! Yeah.
So, what do you need from me, sherri? Supportive celia or "i told you so" celia? Okay, for the record, I never need "i told you so" celia.
Oh, where am i gonna seat all these people? I can't put randy next to kevin.
My dad won't sit near either of them.
And i got to keep paula away from bo.
Sherri, can i use your room to breast-Feed julian? Oh, how i was hoping you would ask that.
Go ahead.
[ Knocking on door .]
Wait a minute.
You got to be kidding me.
Who could that be? Literally everybody i know is in this room.
Angie, i got neighbors! [ Glass shatters .]
happy now? Gravy's gone.
So is my patience.
Did you just double dip? What if i did? It's cold-And-Flu season! Summer, sit in between them.
It's cold-And-Flu season! Oh, good.
Must be the chinese food i ordered.
Kung pao palace.
No way.
Sherri? Wait a minute.
I know you.
Russell? Yeah.
We made out outside the nightclub, But my mom caught us.
Excuse me?! You know, i just turned 18.
Excuse me?! Yeah, so so, we're cool now.
[ Squeals .]
I'm not going to say anything.
I'm gonna go in the hall Ohh! We are one bouncer and brick wall Away from being a "jerry springer" show in there.
Well, if you want, I can pull your wig off and beat you up.
Would you? Because that would be the best thing that happened all day.
Sherri, what did you want to have happen today? I just wanted a nice, simple family thanksgiving.
Then you shouldn't have invited kevin over.
He had nowhere to go.
And you shouldn't have allowed paula to bring over her baby.
He was sick.
She was scared.
And you shouldn't have told randy That he could just show up.
Well, i want him to feel like he's welcome in my home.
Sherri, if you insist on having this big, open heart, Then this is the hot mess of a thanksgiving you're gonna get.
Is this the "i told you so" celia? Well, you invited her, too.
Mommy? Oh, baby, come here.
Give me a hug.
[ Chuckles .]
You know what? Mommy put together quite a crazy thanksgiving, didn't she? It's the best one ever! Plus, i have a new brother who fits in my truck.
Okay, let's eat.
But first, let's get the baby out of the truck.
Sherri! Everybody! Everybody, i'm sorry i got a little stressed back there.
Everything is fine, and i'm thankful you're all here.
Well, i'm thankful For new york city's aggressive towing policy, So i could meet you.
Ditto.
Well, sherri, i'm thankful that you have such a hard time saying no.
I mean, most of us would be alone this year If it weren't for you.
And i'm thankful my boys won the game So i can keep my condo.
Although, i did blow it on the half-Time-Show bet with my mom, So if anybody could loan me $1,800, i'd appreciate that.
And on that holiday note, let's cut the turkey And the egg rolls.
[ All cheering .]
I'll do it.
I got it.
Maybe i should.
I'm a guy.
Sherri: okay, everybody Everybody, sit down.
Uh, sit down.
Sit down! This is my house, my turkey, And this year, i will do the cutting myself, Thank you very much.
This may not be the family i started with Or the family i thought would be forever, But it's the messy, complicated family i got.
And i love it.
[ Laughs .]
Mommy? Yes, honey? If julian is my brother, Does that make the blond lady my mommy now, too? Oh, snap! Oh, snap! [ Laughs .]
Cornbread.
Who wants cornbread? I do.
Bring the cornbread around.
There you are.
I cannot get this turkey.
I keep trying.