Son of a Critch (2022) s01e12 Episode Script
Circus
1
MIKE SR.: Mary! My program is starting!
ADULT MARK: The old man would
take a break from radio news
- by watching TV news.
- MARY: Here you go.
His one escape from
reality was more reality!
REPORTER: Philippines
dictator Ferdinand Marcos
is in exile in Hawaii
as evidence mounts against him.
Good God! Isn't that where
your little friend is from?
They're having a hell of
a hard time over there.
I dare say they must
be having some hard time
if they leave their weather for ours.
REPORTER: Be the first nuclear
power plant in the Philippines.
The first lady, Imelda Marcos,
purchased millions of dollars
ADULT MARK: Back then, all
eyes were on the Marcos family
in the Philippines,
which meant all eyes in
our class were on Ritchie.
[CHALK SCRAPES, CLUNKS LOUDLY]
[CLEARS THROAT] I know
we've all been hearing
about the Philippines in the news.
Does anyone know what a dictator is?
You mean like Sister Rose?
[ALL GIGGLE]
SISTER MARGARET: This is
no laughing matter, missy.
Ritchie, what can you tell
the class about your homeland?
Uh, I don't really remember that much.
Oh! Come, now, Ritchie.
One doesn't escape a
dictator and forget about it.
I, uh, um
- Remember that it was hot?
- Wow.
I feel so much smarter now.
[CLASS TITTERS]
Well, it was a scorching hot
day when his family escaped
In a boat Over shark-infested waters.
[AWKWARDLY] We flew.
Wait go on, Mark.
They were on the run
from President Marcos -
a cross between the
Godfather and Darth Vader!
He and his wife Imelda stole billions
from people just like Ritchie.
You know, she was so
rich, the first lady
- had three thousand shoes.
- Three thousand shoes
or three thousand pairs of shoes?
- What's the difference?
- Three thousand shoes.
Ritchie?
I don't know.
Uh, three thousand pairs.
That's six thousand shoes!
And that's pretty much the
story of the Philippines.
Huh.
Thank you, Ritchie, for
sharing your heritage.
It is important for us to
celebrate other cultures.
That is why we are going to have
A heritage fair!
[CHALKBOARD BRUSH RUBS]
I want everyone to pair up
and present their culture
to the rest of the class.
Where are your family from, Gary?
Ireland.
- Tina?
- England.
Ooh.
England and Ireland.
Tsk. Mixed marriage.
That, children, is what we call
multiculturalism. Hmm.
ADULT MARK: The United
Nations, we were not.
[BELL RINGS]
Oh, and don't forget to say your prayers
for the good Catholics
of the Philippines,
and Ritchie.
[LOW HUM OF CHATTER]
Our project is gonna
be the best one ever.
- See ya.
- See ya.
[RITCHIE SIGHS, CHAIR SCRAPES]
[BAG THUDS, ZIPPER BUZZES]
REPORTER: More unrest in
Manilla as the protestors
- took to the streets to demand action.
- [GUNSHOTS POP]
[TV CLICKS OFF]
- Hey! We need to see that.
- COMMERCIAL: Thomas amusements!
Over 15 rides for family fun!
- Coming to St. John's on Friday!
- Ha!
I wanna go to the circus!
It's not a circus. It's just rides.
Dad gets a family pass
every year from the station,
but I don't do rides.
I'm not afraid of heights,
I'm I'm afraid of lows.
It's falling to my death
that I have a problem with.
[AWKWARD CHUCKLE]
I can watch you have fun
from the safety of the ground.
Can I ask Fox? It's a family pass
and I need someone to ride with.
[SIGHS] Fine, but that
isn't important now.
- [PAPER RUSTLES]
- [MARK EXHALE]
MRS. PEREZ: Boys!
Move your stuff! Dinner!
ADULT MARK: My favourite
words at Ritchie's house.
Back home, the only spice
in our food was salt,
MARY: Supper!
and the occasional cigarette ash.
My supper was usually the
same colour as the plate.
Ritchie's house opened
up my virgin tastebuds
to a world of colour and flavour.
My favourite was sweet
Filipino spaghetti.
It had little hot dogs
and the sauce tasted like
melted Halloween candy.
Thank you, Lord, for this food
and the guests with
whom we share our food
Every night this week.
In your name we pray.
THE PEREZ FAMILY: Amen.
[MOUTH FULL] Amen.
♪
[DOG BARKS, BIRDS
CHIRP, LAWNMOWER RUMBLES]
ADULT MARK: I was stuffed,
and Mrs. Perez had also
had her fill of me!
Mark, your mother's coming to get you.
Oh, forgot, she can't.
Our car is broken. I
think I need a ride.
I told him you wouldn't mind, Mom.
Your father will take him.
Don't forget to tell your
parents about the thing.
Oh? What thing?
Mark's got tickets to
the circus this Friday.
MR. PEREZ: Don't you remember?
You have to help with
the lechon on Friday.
- Ooh, what's that?
- We put a whole pig on a spit
then turn it until my arm falls off.
A pig roast? I'm in!
I'll bring my Don Ho records.
Oh, our church group is welcoming
some newly arrived kababayans.
Uh, I'm sorry, Mark,
it's a Filipino thing.
Well, I'm practically Filipino!
Right, Ritchie?
Let's get you home, buddy.
So where do we stand on the circus?
Oh, thank you so much
for the invitation,
but it's going to be a no.
- Family obligation.
- But Mom!
I'm sorry, Mark!
♪
ADULT MARK: I might not have
been able to take a hint,
but I always took a ride.
[SIGHS] I got a sandwich
and chips. What'd you get?
Adobo.
[EXCITED] Oh!
We should add an adobo
panel to our project.
- [CHIP BAG CRINKLES]
- About that
Oh? What?
Mom doesn't think we should work on
our heritage day
project together anymore.
What? Why?
[SIGHS] She said it was my heritage,
so I should present it on my own.
- [CHAIR SCRAPES]
- Nerd tax!
What's going on?
Don't tell me you two
turds are getting a divorce?
We got a circus date.
I'm not going.
So, it's just me and him?
This isn't a date! You
hear me, you little weirdo?
You're the one who said "date."
- No, I didn't!
- Yeah, you did.
You said, "we got a circus date."
That was when it was the three of us.
You probably set it up like
this, you little pervert.
I didn't even wanna
go in the first place!
Sure as heck I don't
want a date with you!
Good! I don't either.
- Good!
- Better not be late for it!
- Okay!
- I'm serious!
- Fine!
- Good!
[FOOTSTEPS STOMP AWAY]
That's totally a date.
Hmm.
Ugh! Mom, what's for supper?
Ah, a bit o' meat fried up in a pan.
- Mmm.
- [SIGHS] Exotic.
[READS] "The
family spent hundreds of
on their
and a lavish
with real
pearls."
Mark, where are my words?
MARK: I'm sorry.
I was just using it for my heritage
day project on the Philippines.
Philippines?
That's not your heritage.
You're a Newfoundlander, my son.
I mean, this place is
practically maggoty with culture.
I mean, do a project on us!
No, Pop. It's gotta be
about somewhere real.
- He can't do Newfoundland.
- Real?!
Well, what's this? Narnia?
My God, Newfoundlanders
practically invented culture.
We used to have our own country
'til that asshole voted
it out of existence.
ADULT MARK: Newfoundland
was once its own country,
but we became Canada's 10th province
by a vote of just 52%.
A fact that was like a
constant gas leak at our house,
and Pop was the match.
All right, all right.
Look, I voted to join Canada
so that we'd have a better
future for all of us.
And what did Canada ever do for me?
Oh, that reminds me.
Your Canada pension cheque came.
Oh God, I've been
looking all over for that!
Hey, Mark, come with me.
I've got a trunk full of culture.
- [FOOTSTEPS RECEDE]
- [WHISPERS] Do I have to go?
I don't see how you're
gettin' out of it.
POP: Mark! Get your arse in here!
[BELL RINGS]
The Philippines: The Pearl of the Orient
with over 7000 islands
and 300 volcanoes!
♪
It's supposed to blow.
Believe me, it blows.
- [CLASS TITTERS]
- SISTER MARGARET: Fox!
Well, uh, Ritchie,
we get the picture.
Mark, you're next.
[CHAIR SCRAPES BACK]
ADULT MARK: Ritchie was the
first person ever rescued
from a volcano that didn't erupt.
- [SIGHS]
- [CURTAINS SCRAPE SHUT]
[OVERHEAD PROJECTOR CLICKS ON]
Before Canada joined Newfoundland,
we were our own country,
with our own passports
And our own currency
[BILLS RUSTLE AND SCATTER]
[CLASS MURMURS]
And our own songs.
[LOUDLY] And our own songs!
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
["THE RYANS AND THE PITTMANS" PLAYS]
ADULTS: We'll rant and we'll roar ♪
Like true Newfoundlanders ♪
We'll rant and we'll roar ♪
On deck and below ♪
Oooooooh ! ♪
Long live Newfoundland!
[CLASS JOINS IN] Long live Newfoundland!
Long live Newfoundland!
Long live Newfoundland!
All right! All right!
There'll be no riots today.
Mark, that's very well done!
An a for you, Mark.
[GLEEFUL LAUGH] Hey! All right, b'y?!
- All right, b'y!
- Thank you.
Tsk.
- [VOLCANO BUBBLES]
- Tsk!
[BUBBLING]
♪
[SPIT CREAKS]
MRS. PEREZ: Ritchie!
This is Ron and Jenny,
and that's your tita and your tito.
They're from Batangas,
near the Taal volcano!
You guys like video games?
MRS. PEREZ: [CHUCKLES] Ron's
still figuring out his English.
- Ron, ano ba gusto mo gawin?
- Patintero?
Oh, Ritchie, patintero's a
game. It's like Red Rover!
Oh! You guys know Pac-Man?
Ugh doh.
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[LAUGHTER, RIDE WHIRS]
ADULT MARK: There were only two things
that scared me more than the scrambler.
One, having a date with Fox
- This is not a date!
- I know!
ADULT MARK: And two, not
having a date with Fox.
That one looks cool.
ADULT MARK: The scrambler
was not my speed.
Totally.
How 'bout that one?
ADULT MARK: My speed was parked.
Why don't we start
on the berry-go-round
and work our way up.
Besides, no one we
know'll see us on that one.
WORKER: Win a prize for your sweetie!
Step right up!
[DISTANT SCREAM, RIDE WHIRS]
WOMAN: Over here! Over here!
[GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT]
[SIGHS] This is no scrambler.
[GRUNTS] Ungh!
[HARD THUD]
I don't like this game.
[IN TAGALOG] He's a soft conyo kid.
Wouldn't survive a day back home.
I can't speak Tagalog,
but I know when I'm being made fun of.
- You're not Filipino.
- I was born there.
You're like lechon.
Brown the outside, white in the inside.
[SNORTS SOFTLY]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
MRS. PEREZ: See? You're making friends.
It's good for you to be with your own.
If you like the Philippines so much,
why did you come here?
We came here for you, anak.
To give you a life we never could there.
[YELLING] What the hell
are you people doin'?
The smoke is gettin' all over
our laundry on the clothesline!
MR. PEREZ: My apology
to you and Ms. Perrin.
Uh if you're hungry,
we, we have more than enough food.
No thanks.
If you change your mind, it's uh
[TOM GRUMBLES, GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT]
They love it when people come visit.
Not so much when they stay.
[FIRE CRACKLES, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[PENSIVE SIGH]
[LAUGHS]
[SIGHS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
What are ye two on a date, are ye?
Well, she said it's not a date.
It's not a date!
♪
[HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAK, GATE CLICKS SHUT]
ADULT MARK: Like the pig on the spit,
Ritchie just wanted
to be anywhere else.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
[CAWS]
MIKE SR.: No, you can't claim them!
They're not Newfoundlanders.
Kiss is not a Newfoundland band!
They are so! Gene Simmons,
the fella with the big tongue,
well, he's married to Shannon Tweed
and she's a Newfoundlander!
So, Kiss are
Newfoundlanders by marriage!
- Oh, for God's sake.
- Agh.
Know-it-all!
[PHONE RINGS, TEAPOT AND CUP CLINK]
- Phone, Mary.
- Thank you.
- Hello.
- Hello, Mary.
This is Ritchie's mom.
I was just wondering if
Ritchie was at your house.
No. I thought he was
at the circus with Mark.
MRS. PEREZ: Ritchie was not
allowed to go to the circus.
Oh, the little bugger.
MRS. PEREZ: I'm going to go there.
I'll join you. Hmm.
[HANDSET CLATTERS]
Splash the frog, win a prize!
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Don't watch.
- Why not?
It makes me nervous if you watch.
God's sakes, just hit it.
[APPARATUS CLUNKS LOUDLY]
[LAUGHS] Pathetic!
Here.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
There's a trick to all these games.
You gotta hit 'em just right.
[DECISIVE THUD, FROG
CLATTERS, BELL RINGS]
Winner! Big prize!
How 'bout that one?
For Ritchie, he has a pet snake.
- There you go, young fella.
- Thank you.
- Have a nice date now.
- Frig off!
WORKER: Third times the charm!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, WHEEL RATTLES]
[WATER SPRAYS]
On your marks, get set
Go!
[SUCKING ON STRAW]
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Argh! Yeah, brain freeze.
[LAUGHS] Why are you so lame?
Ritchie can down the
whole thing in one gulp.
'Kay, fess up.
Why couldn't he come?
His mom doesn't like me.
She's stupid then.
I mean, not that stupid.
Enough stallin'. It's
time for the scrambler.
I can't do the scrambler!
I told Ritchie I'd wait!
'Kay. The Ferris wheel it is, then.
Come on.
Let's go. Grab your stuff.
Come on.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
RIDER: Woo-hoo-hoo!
ADULT MARK: Ritchie
had literally run away
to join the circus.
Meanwhile, my not-a-date
was starting to feel a lot like
A date.
[DOOR CREAKS SHUT, BANGS CLOSED]
[LOCK JAMS]
RIDER: Whooooaaaaaaaa!
Hey! This isn't so bad.
Hey, look! It's Ritchie!
Hey, Ritchie! Up here!
[THE POD RATTLES AND CREAKS]
No! What're you doing?!
[HYPERVENTILATING] Stop!
I never told you it spins? Oops!
[PANICKED] Stop!
[LAUGHS] Don't be such a baby!
[LEVER CLUNKS]
[THE RIDE CREAKS TO A STOP]
- [RIDER SCREAMS]
- What's going on?!
It's broken! Help! Help!
Help! We're gonna die!
- We're gonna die!
- Hey, it's it's okay.
- [HYPERVENTILATING] No!
- So just calm down.
[GASPING FOR AIR] No, I can't look.
They just stop it for a laugh.
- Let my friends down!
- Jeez, b'y. Calm down.
I'm just tryin' to do
the little fella a favour.
He's on a date.
- We're gonna die. [PANICKED BREATHS]
C'mon. Just, just open your eyes.
- I can't.
- You can.
[SWEET, ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
ADULT MARK: At that moment,
my fear of dying went away.
It was replaced with
another, more terrifying one.
A girl was holding my hand.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLS]
♪
♪
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
[GATE SQUEAKS OPEN]
Sorry! Didn't know it was a date.
Shut up!
Thank you. Great view.
Gave a whole new
perspective on everything.
All right.
What were you thinking
leaving like that?
Are you on a date?
BOTH: It's not a date!
[SPEAKING TAGALOG]
I was worried sick. Why
did you leave your cousins?
You always tell me to fit in.
Well, I do,
with them.
We're different, but we're the same.
There is a different kind of same.
It's just that
I don't want you to forget about home.
This is home, Mom,
here with you.
I guess I've been
pretty hard on you, huh?
It's okay.
No, it's not.
I have an idea.
Come.
[TROOPER: "RAISE A LITTLE HELL"]
Hey! Is anybody hungry?
MR. PEREZ: Raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
[SINGS TO THE BEAT]
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell ♪
[KIDS LAUGH]
- Another round?
- Raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
ADULT MARK: Home has a
different meaning for all of us.
For some, it's where you came from.
For others, it's where you end up.
Yes, b'y. I'm an immigrant, too.
I was born in a country
called Newfoundland.
All right, Pop, let's not get
into any of that, now, okay?
He should know his heritage!
I mean, his passport
may say he's Canadian,
but anyone asks ya, you tell 'em,
"I'm a Newfoundlander."
Hey, b'y.
- Hey, b'y?
- Hey, b'y.
BOTH: Raise a little
hell, raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell! ♪
MR. PEREZ: Let's go!
If you don't like what you're see ♪
Why don't you fight it ♪
What're you crowd gawking at, huh?
You never seen a pig roast before? Hmm?
Ah! Maybe we should use the stick
that's been shoved up your arse!
- Woo!
- Mind your own business!
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
ADULT MARK: That night, as we realized
that we had more in common
than we had differences,
home wasn't a place at all.
It was the people we were with.
In the end, it comes
down to your thinking ♪
♪
♪
♪
MIKE SR.: Mary! My program is starting!
ADULT MARK: The old man would
take a break from radio news
- by watching TV news.
- MARY: Here you go.
His one escape from
reality was more reality!
REPORTER: Philippines
dictator Ferdinand Marcos
is in exile in Hawaii
as evidence mounts against him.
Good God! Isn't that where
your little friend is from?
They're having a hell of
a hard time over there.
I dare say they must
be having some hard time
if they leave their weather for ours.
REPORTER: Be the first nuclear
power plant in the Philippines.
The first lady, Imelda Marcos,
purchased millions of dollars
ADULT MARK: Back then, all
eyes were on the Marcos family
in the Philippines,
which meant all eyes in
our class were on Ritchie.
[CHALK SCRAPES, CLUNKS LOUDLY]
[CLEARS THROAT] I know
we've all been hearing
about the Philippines in the news.
Does anyone know what a dictator is?
You mean like Sister Rose?
[ALL GIGGLE]
SISTER MARGARET: This is
no laughing matter, missy.
Ritchie, what can you tell
the class about your homeland?
Uh, I don't really remember that much.
Oh! Come, now, Ritchie.
One doesn't escape a
dictator and forget about it.
I, uh, um
- Remember that it was hot?
- Wow.
I feel so much smarter now.
[CLASS TITTERS]
Well, it was a scorching hot
day when his family escaped
In a boat Over shark-infested waters.
[AWKWARDLY] We flew.
Wait go on, Mark.
They were on the run
from President Marcos -
a cross between the
Godfather and Darth Vader!
He and his wife Imelda stole billions
from people just like Ritchie.
You know, she was so
rich, the first lady
- had three thousand shoes.
- Three thousand shoes
or three thousand pairs of shoes?
- What's the difference?
- Three thousand shoes.
Ritchie?
I don't know.
Uh, three thousand pairs.
That's six thousand shoes!
And that's pretty much the
story of the Philippines.
Huh.
Thank you, Ritchie, for
sharing your heritage.
It is important for us to
celebrate other cultures.
That is why we are going to have
A heritage fair!
[CHALKBOARD BRUSH RUBS]
I want everyone to pair up
and present their culture
to the rest of the class.
Where are your family from, Gary?
Ireland.
- Tina?
- England.
Ooh.
England and Ireland.
Tsk. Mixed marriage.
That, children, is what we call
multiculturalism. Hmm.
ADULT MARK: The United
Nations, we were not.
[BELL RINGS]
Oh, and don't forget to say your prayers
for the good Catholics
of the Philippines,
and Ritchie.
[LOW HUM OF CHATTER]
Our project is gonna
be the best one ever.
- See ya.
- See ya.
[RITCHIE SIGHS, CHAIR SCRAPES]
[BAG THUDS, ZIPPER BUZZES]
REPORTER: More unrest in
Manilla as the protestors
- took to the streets to demand action.
- [GUNSHOTS POP]
[TV CLICKS OFF]
- Hey! We need to see that.
- COMMERCIAL: Thomas amusements!
Over 15 rides for family fun!
- Coming to St. John's on Friday!
- Ha!
I wanna go to the circus!
It's not a circus. It's just rides.
Dad gets a family pass
every year from the station,
but I don't do rides.
I'm not afraid of heights,
I'm I'm afraid of lows.
It's falling to my death
that I have a problem with.
[AWKWARD CHUCKLE]
I can watch you have fun
from the safety of the ground.
Can I ask Fox? It's a family pass
and I need someone to ride with.
[SIGHS] Fine, but that
isn't important now.
- [PAPER RUSTLES]
- [MARK EXHALE]
MRS. PEREZ: Boys!
Move your stuff! Dinner!
ADULT MARK: My favourite
words at Ritchie's house.
Back home, the only spice
in our food was salt,
MARY: Supper!
and the occasional cigarette ash.
My supper was usually the
same colour as the plate.
Ritchie's house opened
up my virgin tastebuds
to a world of colour and flavour.
My favourite was sweet
Filipino spaghetti.
It had little hot dogs
and the sauce tasted like
melted Halloween candy.
Thank you, Lord, for this food
and the guests with
whom we share our food
Every night this week.
In your name we pray.
THE PEREZ FAMILY: Amen.
[MOUTH FULL] Amen.
♪
[DOG BARKS, BIRDS
CHIRP, LAWNMOWER RUMBLES]
ADULT MARK: I was stuffed,
and Mrs. Perez had also
had her fill of me!
Mark, your mother's coming to get you.
Oh, forgot, she can't.
Our car is broken. I
think I need a ride.
I told him you wouldn't mind, Mom.
Your father will take him.
Don't forget to tell your
parents about the thing.
Oh? What thing?
Mark's got tickets to
the circus this Friday.
MR. PEREZ: Don't you remember?
You have to help with
the lechon on Friday.
- Ooh, what's that?
- We put a whole pig on a spit
then turn it until my arm falls off.
A pig roast? I'm in!
I'll bring my Don Ho records.
Oh, our church group is welcoming
some newly arrived kababayans.
Uh, I'm sorry, Mark,
it's a Filipino thing.
Well, I'm practically Filipino!
Right, Ritchie?
Let's get you home, buddy.
So where do we stand on the circus?
Oh, thank you so much
for the invitation,
but it's going to be a no.
- Family obligation.
- But Mom!
I'm sorry, Mark!
♪
ADULT MARK: I might not have
been able to take a hint,
but I always took a ride.
[SIGHS] I got a sandwich
and chips. What'd you get?
Adobo.
[EXCITED] Oh!
We should add an adobo
panel to our project.
- [CHIP BAG CRINKLES]
- About that
Oh? What?
Mom doesn't think we should work on
our heritage day
project together anymore.
What? Why?
[SIGHS] She said it was my heritage,
so I should present it on my own.
- [CHAIR SCRAPES]
- Nerd tax!
What's going on?
Don't tell me you two
turds are getting a divorce?
We got a circus date.
I'm not going.
So, it's just me and him?
This isn't a date! You
hear me, you little weirdo?
You're the one who said "date."
- No, I didn't!
- Yeah, you did.
You said, "we got a circus date."
That was when it was the three of us.
You probably set it up like
this, you little pervert.
I didn't even wanna
go in the first place!
Sure as heck I don't
want a date with you!
Good! I don't either.
- Good!
- Better not be late for it!
- Okay!
- I'm serious!
- Fine!
- Good!
[FOOTSTEPS STOMP AWAY]
That's totally a date.
Hmm.
Ugh! Mom, what's for supper?
Ah, a bit o' meat fried up in a pan.
- Mmm.
- [SIGHS] Exotic.
[READS] "The
family spent hundreds of
on their
and a lavish
with real
pearls."
Mark, where are my words?
MARK: I'm sorry.
I was just using it for my heritage
day project on the Philippines.
Philippines?
That's not your heritage.
You're a Newfoundlander, my son.
I mean, this place is
practically maggoty with culture.
I mean, do a project on us!
No, Pop. It's gotta be
about somewhere real.
- He can't do Newfoundland.
- Real?!
Well, what's this? Narnia?
My God, Newfoundlanders
practically invented culture.
We used to have our own country
'til that asshole voted
it out of existence.
ADULT MARK: Newfoundland
was once its own country,
but we became Canada's 10th province
by a vote of just 52%.
A fact that was like a
constant gas leak at our house,
and Pop was the match.
All right, all right.
Look, I voted to join Canada
so that we'd have a better
future for all of us.
And what did Canada ever do for me?
Oh, that reminds me.
Your Canada pension cheque came.
Oh God, I've been
looking all over for that!
Hey, Mark, come with me.
I've got a trunk full of culture.
- [FOOTSTEPS RECEDE]
- [WHISPERS] Do I have to go?
I don't see how you're
gettin' out of it.
POP: Mark! Get your arse in here!
[BELL RINGS]
The Philippines: The Pearl of the Orient
with over 7000 islands
and 300 volcanoes!
♪
It's supposed to blow.
Believe me, it blows.
- [CLASS TITTERS]
- SISTER MARGARET: Fox!
Well, uh, Ritchie,
we get the picture.
Mark, you're next.
[CHAIR SCRAPES BACK]
ADULT MARK: Ritchie was the
first person ever rescued
from a volcano that didn't erupt.
- [SIGHS]
- [CURTAINS SCRAPE SHUT]
[OVERHEAD PROJECTOR CLICKS ON]
Before Canada joined Newfoundland,
we were our own country,
with our own passports
And our own currency
[BILLS RUSTLE AND SCATTER]
[CLASS MURMURS]
And our own songs.
[LOUDLY] And our own songs!
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
["THE RYANS AND THE PITTMANS" PLAYS]
ADULTS: We'll rant and we'll roar ♪
Like true Newfoundlanders ♪
We'll rant and we'll roar ♪
On deck and below ♪
Oooooooh ! ♪
Long live Newfoundland!
[CLASS JOINS IN] Long live Newfoundland!
Long live Newfoundland!
Long live Newfoundland!
All right! All right!
There'll be no riots today.
Mark, that's very well done!
An a for you, Mark.
[GLEEFUL LAUGH] Hey! All right, b'y?!
- All right, b'y!
- Thank you.
Tsk.
- [VOLCANO BUBBLES]
- Tsk!
[BUBBLING]
♪
[SPIT CREAKS]
MRS. PEREZ: Ritchie!
This is Ron and Jenny,
and that's your tita and your tito.
They're from Batangas,
near the Taal volcano!
You guys like video games?
MRS. PEREZ: [CHUCKLES] Ron's
still figuring out his English.
- Ron, ano ba gusto mo gawin?
- Patintero?
Oh, Ritchie, patintero's a
game. It's like Red Rover!
Oh! You guys know Pac-Man?
Ugh doh.
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[LAUGHTER, RIDE WHIRS]
ADULT MARK: There were only two things
that scared me more than the scrambler.
One, having a date with Fox
- This is not a date!
- I know!
ADULT MARK: And two, not
having a date with Fox.
That one looks cool.
ADULT MARK: The scrambler
was not my speed.
Totally.
How 'bout that one?
ADULT MARK: My speed was parked.
Why don't we start
on the berry-go-round
and work our way up.
Besides, no one we
know'll see us on that one.
WORKER: Win a prize for your sweetie!
Step right up!
[DISTANT SCREAM, RIDE WHIRS]
WOMAN: Over here! Over here!
[GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT]
[SIGHS] This is no scrambler.
[GRUNTS] Ungh!
[HARD THUD]
I don't like this game.
[IN TAGALOG] He's a soft conyo kid.
Wouldn't survive a day back home.
I can't speak Tagalog,
but I know when I'm being made fun of.
- You're not Filipino.
- I was born there.
You're like lechon.
Brown the outside, white in the inside.
[SNORTS SOFTLY]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
MRS. PEREZ: See? You're making friends.
It's good for you to be with your own.
If you like the Philippines so much,
why did you come here?
We came here for you, anak.
To give you a life we never could there.
[YELLING] What the hell
are you people doin'?
The smoke is gettin' all over
our laundry on the clothesline!
MR. PEREZ: My apology
to you and Ms. Perrin.
Uh if you're hungry,
we, we have more than enough food.
No thanks.
If you change your mind, it's uh
[TOM GRUMBLES, GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT]
They love it when people come visit.
Not so much when they stay.
[FIRE CRACKLES, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[PENSIVE SIGH]
[LAUGHS]
[SIGHS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
What are ye two on a date, are ye?
Well, she said it's not a date.
It's not a date!
♪
[HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAK, GATE CLICKS SHUT]
ADULT MARK: Like the pig on the spit,
Ritchie just wanted
to be anywhere else.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
[CAWS]
MIKE SR.: No, you can't claim them!
They're not Newfoundlanders.
Kiss is not a Newfoundland band!
They are so! Gene Simmons,
the fella with the big tongue,
well, he's married to Shannon Tweed
and she's a Newfoundlander!
So, Kiss are
Newfoundlanders by marriage!
- Oh, for God's sake.
- Agh.
Know-it-all!
[PHONE RINGS, TEAPOT AND CUP CLINK]
- Phone, Mary.
- Thank you.
- Hello.
- Hello, Mary.
This is Ritchie's mom.
I was just wondering if
Ritchie was at your house.
No. I thought he was
at the circus with Mark.
MRS. PEREZ: Ritchie was not
allowed to go to the circus.
Oh, the little bugger.
MRS. PEREZ: I'm going to go there.
I'll join you. Hmm.
[HANDSET CLATTERS]
Splash the frog, win a prize!
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Don't watch.
- Why not?
It makes me nervous if you watch.
God's sakes, just hit it.
[APPARATUS CLUNKS LOUDLY]
[LAUGHS] Pathetic!
Here.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
There's a trick to all these games.
You gotta hit 'em just right.
[DECISIVE THUD, FROG
CLATTERS, BELL RINGS]
Winner! Big prize!
How 'bout that one?
For Ritchie, he has a pet snake.
- There you go, young fella.
- Thank you.
- Have a nice date now.
- Frig off!
WORKER: Third times the charm!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, WHEEL RATTLES]
[WATER SPRAYS]
On your marks, get set
Go!
[SUCKING ON STRAW]
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS,
INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Argh! Yeah, brain freeze.
[LAUGHS] Why are you so lame?
Ritchie can down the
whole thing in one gulp.
'Kay, fess up.
Why couldn't he come?
His mom doesn't like me.
She's stupid then.
I mean, not that stupid.
Enough stallin'. It's
time for the scrambler.
I can't do the scrambler!
I told Ritchie I'd wait!
'Kay. The Ferris wheel it is, then.
Come on.
Let's go. Grab your stuff.
Come on.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
RIDER: Woo-hoo-hoo!
ADULT MARK: Ritchie
had literally run away
to join the circus.
Meanwhile, my not-a-date
was starting to feel a lot like
A date.
[DOOR CREAKS SHUT, BANGS CLOSED]
[LOCK JAMS]
RIDER: Whooooaaaaaaaa!
Hey! This isn't so bad.
Hey, look! It's Ritchie!
Hey, Ritchie! Up here!
[THE POD RATTLES AND CREAKS]
No! What're you doing?!
[HYPERVENTILATING] Stop!
I never told you it spins? Oops!
[PANICKED] Stop!
[LAUGHS] Don't be such a baby!
[LEVER CLUNKS]
[THE RIDE CREAKS TO A STOP]
- [RIDER SCREAMS]
- What's going on?!
It's broken! Help! Help!
Help! We're gonna die!
- We're gonna die!
- Hey, it's it's okay.
- [HYPERVENTILATING] No!
- So just calm down.
[GASPING FOR AIR] No, I can't look.
They just stop it for a laugh.
- Let my friends down!
- Jeez, b'y. Calm down.
I'm just tryin' to do
the little fella a favour.
He's on a date.
- We're gonna die. [PANICKED BREATHS]
C'mon. Just, just open your eyes.
- I can't.
- You can.
[SWEET, ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
ADULT MARK: At that moment,
my fear of dying went away.
It was replaced with
another, more terrifying one.
A girl was holding my hand.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLS]
♪
♪
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
[GATE SQUEAKS OPEN]
Sorry! Didn't know it was a date.
Shut up!
Thank you. Great view.
Gave a whole new
perspective on everything.
All right.
What were you thinking
leaving like that?
Are you on a date?
BOTH: It's not a date!
[SPEAKING TAGALOG]
I was worried sick. Why
did you leave your cousins?
You always tell me to fit in.
Well, I do,
with them.
We're different, but we're the same.
There is a different kind of same.
It's just that
I don't want you to forget about home.
This is home, Mom,
here with you.
I guess I've been
pretty hard on you, huh?
It's okay.
No, it's not.
I have an idea.
Come.
[TROOPER: "RAISE A LITTLE HELL"]
Hey! Is anybody hungry?
MR. PEREZ: Raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
[SINGS TO THE BEAT]
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell ♪
[KIDS LAUGH]
- Another round?
- Raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
ADULT MARK: Home has a
different meaning for all of us.
For some, it's where you came from.
For others, it's where you end up.
Yes, b'y. I'm an immigrant, too.
I was born in a country
called Newfoundland.
All right, Pop, let's not get
into any of that, now, okay?
He should know his heritage!
I mean, his passport
may say he's Canadian,
but anyone asks ya, you tell 'em,
"I'm a Newfoundlander."
Hey, b'y.
- Hey, b'y?
- Hey, b'y.
BOTH: Raise a little
hell, raise a little hell ♪
Raise a little hell! ♪
MR. PEREZ: Let's go!
If you don't like what you're see ♪
Why don't you fight it ♪
What're you crowd gawking at, huh?
You never seen a pig roast before? Hmm?
Ah! Maybe we should use the stick
that's been shoved up your arse!
- Woo!
- Mind your own business!
Raise a little hell,
raise a little hell ♪
ADULT MARK: That night, as we realized
that we had more in common
than we had differences,
home wasn't a place at all.
It was the people we were with.
In the end, it comes
down to your thinking ♪
♪
♪
♪