Sunnyside (2015) s01e12 Episode Script

Pizza delivery.
And what, we're supposed to just believe you? How do we even know you are a pizza man? I have a pizza hat and jacket, plus you ordered a plain cheese pizza with chocolate chips.
No one's ever ordered that before.
Of course not, because people are sheep.
Pepperoni and green pepper sheep.
Baaa.
It's $10.
99, you get 2 free pops.
It's root beer.
Root beer? - No.
- Do you have polenta? - Polenta pop? - Dos polenta por favor.
They don't make polenta pop.
Yet.
I can take them back.
You'd like that, wouldn't you? You wanted to take something from us since you walked in here.
I'm a virgin.
And I'm virginal.
Can I please just have the 11 bucks? I have to make another delivery.
Take this painting of 11 dollars, that's worth a thousand words.
Change please.
Okay, you know what? Forget it.
You can just keep the pizza.
And we'll keep the pops too.
He really didn't seem to like us.
Ew, chocolate chips.
Ew.
Let's order Thai.
Alright, now if you'll follow me and stick together, I'll show you all the sights.
I thought we'd see good stuff: the tower, the shoe museum, the castle.
This is just a street.
You'll see all that later, but first: Sunnyside, a terrific little urban neighbourhood.
On your left, you'll see the Avenging Moth, Sunnyside's very own superhero.
G Uh! He's really improved.
Uh! And over here is the famous Sunnyside Hole which can answer any question.
Oh, neat! Hey, uh, Hole, how deep are you? Well, let me answer that question with a question.
Why don't you bite me, big nose? Just this lady said you would answer any question.
Oh, no, she said I can answer any question, she never said I would.
Wait, is this tour just a big ripoff? No, no, not at all.
It's also a cash grab.
Hi, I'm 'MollyLovesCats17'.
- Oh.
- That's not just my Twitter handle, that's my real name, I had it legally changed.
This my work area? Oh, you're from the temp agency.
Kayla never showed up today, it's her eighth time.
She better have a doctors note.
There, that's better.
Okay, now I prefer to be paid in cash and what's your employee birthday policy? For full time employees, I sometimes have a small cake but Well, today is my birthday so a small party and a tiny bonus would suffice.
Oh, and a card.
Anything with a cat wearing people's clothes; I love that.
Oh, God, not now.
- What? - Oh.
Uh, 'Lake Ontario Insurance Brokers'.
Mary? No, there's no Mary here.
I'm Mary! That call was for me! Why didn't you get it? You're standing right there.
I think I'm gonna call the temp agency and have them send someone else over.
Where do I put my bags? Do I put my bags in here? So about that party.
Chop chop.
Gin me.
Gin? Anything with that? A glass if you've got it, but I'm not fussy.
Feeling a little off today, Agnes? I'm through with the self-publishing business.
I'm incinerating every book I ever wrote, every last dumb title.
Titles like: 'Grab Life From Behind' by Agnes Farrari, 'Cancel the Cake, It's Herpes' by Agnes Farrari.
'Get Lucky Then Get the Hell Out' by Agnes Farrari.
'Kiss My Yes, I'm An Optimist' by Agnes Farrari.
'Damn Right It's Fur' by Agnes Farrari.
Then there's my fiction: 'Where'd That Thing Go?' by Agnes Farrari.
'What's With All The Corpses' by Agnes Farrari.
'Inside Dr.
Arnus' by Agnes Farrari.
Inside doctor who? Doctor Arnus, it's a story of a former proctologist, a dark spot on his past.
Ugh, it stinks.
Right.
Oh, Reginald.
Oh, Edna! Get off her, dirtbag! Oh, my God.
I'm a police officer, you're safe now, ma'am.
What are you doing!? My job.
No need to thank me.
Thank you? You tasered my husband.
Only because I saw a crime in progress.
I know mommy-daddy wrestling when I see it.
Mummy-daddy wrestling? Yeah, it makes me sick! Yeah, stay down, punk.
Stop! I'm sorry, it's just a bit of a sore spot with me.
'Go to bed, kiddo, we're just wrestling'.
I have a better idea, why don't you stay away from my mom!? We won't mommy-daddy wrestle again.
Right, Reginald? Believe me, I've lost all interest.
That's what I like to hear.
Stop! Oh, who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Is it me? Am I the good boy? Uh, no, it's my dog.
It's never me.
This tour sucks.
Isn't there anything cool like a historical battle site? You want history? That is Sunnyside's longest ongoing construction site.
It's been going for 9 years without any progress whatsoever.
So, when do we start working? Boy, you are green and you don't even know.
Know what? This is exciting, here, hold my hand.
Actually, I'm happily married so Aah, okay.
15 years ago, roadwork scientists figured out that future road work technology will be far superior to what we have today.
So they're now building a time machine so that they can bring that technology back from the future.
So when we're standing around pretending to work, it's just that we're waiting for the future technology to arrive.
Road crews stand around because they're waiting for the future.
Any questions? Road work scientists? Come on.
Hi, Cathy, it's me, Cathy, but from the future.
That could get confusing.
Can I just call you Shirley? Sure, I guess.
We don't have much time, listen.
The road work scientists have been so busy building the time machine that road work technology is way behind.
So what we're saying is, "keep working".
Or at least pretending to work.
Though the future is bright.
Okay Don't fall for his charms, it'll be the biggest mistake you ever make.
Wait, wait, why would I sleep with him? I hope this doesn't affect your decision to play mini putt with me tonight.
I am future future Cathy from further in the future.
Wait, I'm lost.
You're not Shirley? No, Shirley was future Cathy, I'm future future Cathy.
Listen, our advanced road work technology has turned on us.
The pavers have become the paved, millions are dead.
You must start the road work immediately, it's our only hope to avert this horrible future.
Bill, I was wrong about Jeremy.
He's the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Don't waste any more time.
Go, be with him.
But I'm not gay In the future, it does not matter.
How? I don't know how to take any of this information in.
Ugh, it's times like this that I wish I knew how to fix a road.
Hey, folks! All aboard for the Sunnyside Old People's Picnic! It's picnic day, Gran, you must be pretty excited.
Why would I be? Oh, come on, Gran, the Old People's Picnic only comes once a year and now that you live with us in Sunnyside, you're finally elligible.
They're showing a Billy Crystal movie.
And not one of the serious ones.
I like French cinema.
Plus, I hear there's gambling.
Ooh.
Well, I do like my dice.
All aboard for incredible fun! Bye, kids, don't wait up! I'll have her stuff out of her room and the treadmill set up by noon.
Our own gym.
You really should get a haircut before your job interview.
There's a cool new salon up the street.
This place looks like it could use the business.
This old place? Yeah, I'm gonna get an old timey shave and a haircut.
Cash register's empty! I just want an old timey shave and a haircut.
Sit! There you are, right as rain.
Oh, Dixon.
Turns out the guy's an old timey Nazi.
Yep.
Ah, building roads is hard.
I never woulda taken this job if I knew I was gonna have to work.
I am future future future Cathy.
But you can call me Beyonce.
That's easier.
Good news, Bill, your dream of having a baby girl has come true.
Did we adopt a child together? Nope, I got future man pregnant after having non-stop vigorous sex with Jeremy.
Oh, come on! Now I'm blushing.
There have been great advances in gay science, but love love stays the same.
Aww! Yes, a lot has changed in the last 4 years.
Wait, this whole thing happens in only 4 years!? What about the roads? Plant wheat.
Cars fly in the future, roads are the new urban farms.
Future future future Cathy out! Bye Beyonce! Hey, Cathy, would you mind planting the wheat? I think Bill and I need to spend a little 'us' time together.
'Kay.
- Oh! Yeah! - Yes! Boom! Hey, guys, I let myself in.
Yeah, come in, have a seat.
What's with all the stuff? Well, it's just a sleeping bag and a pillow and stuff.
Watching both games, right? This is a sleepover, right? Well, it's not a sleepover, we're grown men.
But you invited me to a sleepover, in fact, I'm pretty sure you called it a 'boy-jama' party? A pyjama party? Mm-mm.
Boy-jama party! Who's gonna fall asleep first, I got a hankerin' to freeze some underpants! Let's just watch the game, huh? Okay, yeah, cool.
Hey, Bruce.
Bruce.
Bruski.
Bruce Bros.
Bruce! - Bruce! - What!? What? Truth or dare, man? Neither.
Just watch the game, Murray.
I love the game.
What are you doing? What? I thought it'd be cute if you had like a side part.
I don't know what's going on here, but you're acting like a big, huge weirdo.
This is supposed to be a boy-jama party! You know, talking about girls we like, eating cookie dough, making prank phone calls.
This is just a couple of overgrown diarrhea babies watching the game.
If you don't like it, Murray, you're welcome to leave.
Tracy kicked me out.
And I thought if I could just convince you guys that this was a boy-jama party, then you would let me stay here.
Well, that's a very stupid plan.
Yeah, it was.
Really stupid.
Of course.
Sorry about all that boy-jama stuff.
Some of that stuff was cool though, right? No, no.
You can stay here, but we're not gonna do any of this dumb garbage.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, at intermission, you can do our hair however you want.
Boy-jama! This is Meth Alley, where most of Sunnyside's drug deals go down.
Would anybody care for a sample? The first taste is free.
Oh.
Off, off, out you go! Hurry up, old timer! Tell no one! Off you go, gran.
They're turning us into ponies! Don't get on the bus! It's like she's trying to tell me something.
Go on, get.
Okay, if we'll move right along, guys, follow me.
Don't start with me, tiny statue of retired baseball player Marcos Acosta.
Bob.
You look upset.
You're thinking about your boss? I'm not talking to you.
You're not a real person, you're memorabilia.
You are thinking about your boss.
You're thinking about how the world would be a better place without him.
Your boss needs to pay for what he's done to you.
Making you do all that work.
Mm, I'm not listening to you! Every time I listen to you, I get in so much trouble.
Hey! I was MVP in '98, I think I know a thing or two about baseball and murdering people.
Of course you know something about baseball.
It's the murdering people.
Baseball is a very tough sport.
Not that tough.
I'll tell you what, just murder your bosses and we call it a day.
Bosses? Preston isn't calling all the shots at the warehouse, there's his boss Lorraine.
She also has to go.
Aw, come on! Lorraine seems nice enough.
Babe Ruth used to say 'Never let fear of striking out get in your way'.
Pretty sure he was talking about baseball.
So everyone at the warehouse has to go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm not doing that.
If you don't, I'll tell everyone that you call in sick so you can watch daytime talkshows aimed at women! Damn you, scale model representation of Marcos Acosta! This is why no airline will let me fly anymore! Looking good, Officer.
Thanks, scale model representation of baseball legend Marcos Acosta.
What's up? Shoot that guy at the counter.
You got it.
Nice work, sweet stuff.
You on the run, too? You betcha.
There's no way I'm getting on that bus.
You can't fool me, they're trying to get rid of us.
Follow me.
I know a secret path outta Sunnyside.
To freedom! To freedom.
Through here.
After you.
Hmm, okay.
What the hell? Sorry, gramps.
Hard to know who to trust these days, eh? You are one ugly broad.
I'm Shaytan, the dark lord of Sunnyside.
Evil is my wife and fear is my mistress.
That's right, I have both a wife and a mistress 'cause like I say, evil.
Also, I'm available, ladies.
Evil and available.
Alright, so welcome to the Dark Roast, Sunnyside's favourite coffee shop.
Thank you, Shaytan, creepy as always.
Like bathroom cam creepy.
Alright, everybody, no tipping.
Aah, now that is evil.
'What's That Floating In The Pool?' by Agness Farrari.
'Diddler on the Roof: A Tale of Yiddish Eroticism'.
'He's Not Heavy, He's My Big-Boned Lover' by Agnes Farrari.
'The Plumber Makes House Calls' by Agnes Farrari.
Wait, you're Agnes Farrari? You wrote 'The Plumber Makes House Calls'? Why, you heard of it? That book saved my life in prison.
Someone read one of my books! It's not about being famous or talented, it's about saying, 'Hey, I wrote a book, why shouldn't somebody give me 11 bucks?'.
I'm going home right now to write a brand new book! Sure, I'm drunk and nothing I write is gonna make sense, but that never stopped me before.
Good day.
That's amazing, something Agnes wrote saved your ass in jail? No, I've never been to jail.
But if she kept listing off books, I would have killed her.
Oh, crap.
Carla.
Graham, you scared the urine out of me.
What are you still doing up? I was worried, it's after midnight.
Yeah, well, I was working late.
But I phoned, you worked 'til 6.
Is that a new shirt? It's Elvira's, she lent it to me.
I spilt red wine on mine.
You were drinking.
No, I poured two bottles of Chateau Pape de Neuf out the window of the Royal York Hotel.
You were at the Royal York with Elvira? Her dryer is broken, Graham, you expect her to live in that mess? Wait a minute, are you accusing me of doing something sexual with a woman? No, I just thought maybe, you know, we could spend some romantic alone time.
It smells like you've been farting lilacs in here.
Thought it might put you in the mood.
Yeah, for a funeral.
So, I have a question.
How can he have absolutely no idea that his wife is a lesbian? Denial can be a very powerful thing.
Yep.
Yeah.
That's true.
Hey, get out of here! Get! Go on! Dumb Sunnyside tour guide.
Totally had the wrong house.
Yeah.
She was cute, though.
Okay, I have had enough of this lame Sunnyside tour.
I'm hungry, I'm tired and I wanna go back to the hotel.
No problem, your ride's right here.
All aboard for a brand new adventure! You mean their hotel, right? I mean your hotel! It's about time.
You idiots, I told you! This Tour sucks! Man, I could go for a beer about now.
Me, too, but I only have this toonie.
Well, that's more than I got.
Wait, I have an idea.
How much for an alternate reality with 25 cent beer? A buck.
Which still leaves us enough for four brew.
Perfect.
Hand on the globe.
Look at that, amazing, isn't it? It sure is.
This is the best of all possible worlds.
Silence, humans, or feel my whip.
Too bad about those ape overlords, though, huh? Yeah, that part kinda sucks.
I said silence! March! Move! Filthy humans.