The Barbarian and the Troll (2021) s01e12 Episode Script

1
-
Wha--ninth encore?
Oh, you guys
are the best audience,
but I insist on wearing pants.
Cold hands.
What's going on?
- We're going to the outhouse.
- I know you're new to society,
but isn't that a solo mission?
Why don't you go hand me back
by the chimney with care?
I'm no night owl like Stacey.
What's going on?
Are you afraid of the dark?
- We're here to see Alvin.
- Alvin? Here? Why?
- We have a deal.
She said if I give her you,
then she'll leave me
and my sister alone.
- Oh, no, no, no Kendar, this
is a bad idea, go get Brendar.
- Oh, she's sleeping.
And even I remember you never
wake a sleeping Barbarian.
I'd rather brush an angry
Gorgon's hair.
- Never mind the smell.
- I wouldn't think a powerful
demon would have
such a powerful stench.
- If you can think
of a better way
to travel
through the underworld,
I'd like to hear it.
- Kendar, you probably
don't know
I'm a demon chopping axe
and you could chop
this demon right now!
- Don't listen to that tool,
be a good little boy,
and hand the axe over.
- You promise that you'll
leave us alone.
- Of course, otherwise,
I will follow your sister
endlessly and destroy her,
and then it's back
my lair for you.
And this time,
no Pizza Mondays.
- I'm sorry, Axe.
I have to protect Brendar.
- No, Kendar,
no, don't do this.
- You're not such a demon
chopper now, are you, Axe?
- Get your dirty claws off me!
- You made the right decision.
Toodles.
- No, no!
Brendar!
Brendar!
- Ugh.
- A troll burned
his bridge ♪
A warrior lost her crown ♪
I'm not being poetic ♪
That's literally
what went down ♪
Together their journey
has begun ♪
Combining might and melody ♪
To quest and smite a demon ♪
And find their true family ♪
Yeah ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
- Time to make
my morning tea ♪
Splash of milk ♪
Splash, splash, splash,
a scoop of sugar ♪
Scoop, scoop, scoop ♪
- Use the spoon to stir ♪
Stir, stir ♪
- Can you please make your tea
without singing
every step out loud?
- You are just like
your mother.
She was not a morning person
or an afternoon person
or an evening person.
- Oh, good, I'm glad
you're all up.
- Ugh!
You better have a worm
for this early bird.
- I wanna get a head start
before Kendar wakes up.
He's gonna wanna come along,
and he's just too young.
- Plus, he's been sitting
in a cell for 10 years.
So he's not really what you'd
call "Demon-hunting ready."
- That too.
Hey, where's Axe?
- Not sure.
- Stacey?
- What do I look like,
a tool shed?
- I got out of the lair.
I slept on a pillow,
and I found out what bacon is.
Freedom is delicious.
- Um, that is not bacon.
That's Horus' flip flop.
- Oh, still yummy.
- Eww!
- Oh, man.
- Kendar, I didn't
wanna worry you,
but we're going after Alvin.
- No, you shouldn't worry.
Alvin told me you're all safe.
- You spoke to Alvin?
- Yup, last night
at the outhouse.
-
- FYI.
Still better than a pail.
- What did she say?
- She said if I give her Axe,
then she'd leave us alone.
So I gave her Axe.
- You gave her Axe?
- Yeah.
Well, now we're safe, and you
don't have to go anywhere.
You're welcome.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- You don't look happy.
You want a piece of bacon?
- Uh, no,
it's still just a flip flop.
- He spent the last decade
in captivity.
How could he have known?
- Known what?
- The only true thing about
a demon
is that they always lie.
- How are we gonna find Alvin?
There's only four of us,
and Gothmoria's huge.
- Ooh, we find out what her
favorite snack is
- Yeah.
- Then we leave it outside
on a plate
- Okay.
- And then when she comes
to get it, we grab her!
- She's a demon, Dad,
not a raccoon.
- Ah.
- Hmm.
Well, we can ask
all the people of Gothmoria
to look with us.
I'd bet if you ask 'em
for help, they'll show up.
- Yeah, we'll form
a large search party.
- That could work.
But we can't call it a party.
- Well, then let's get this
shindig started, wink wink.
- Oh, this is quite happy.
- I've just gotten
over the plane,
so I shouldn't even
be carrying it--
- Out of my way, Marcus.
Owl coming through.
- Watch it, flappy!
- What have you seen
on your travels?
- I flew around Alvin's
old lair and checked in
with a few hawks,
super cute, super dumb.
Anyway, they said they haven't
seen Alvin for days.
- I need you to fly over
the Monotonous Mountains.
It won't be easy.
They all look the same.
- Hang on, I just got back
from a long flight,
and both of my wings hurt.
- Rest is not an option!
- It has to be.
- Ugh!
- Okay, Brendar,
there was a very strong breeze
which took all my flyers
and deposited them
in a treetop.
But good news is,
they're all very visible.
- I'm beginning to think
we're never gonna find Axe.
- Great news! I found Axe!
- Where is she?
- Right here.
Hello, I am Axe,
and I was forged into
And to chop things.
I'll demonstrate
ferocious power.
Chop, chop, chop.
Oh, I see--I see blood.
- No, you don't.
- I'll chop your other arm.
Chop, chop.
Ooh, exposed bone.
So much blood.
- Kyle, can you get the door?
- My plesh.
- So where's my reward money?
- Oh, it's right there.
- What, where?
-
- This search party
is not working.
We've gotta try
something different.
- You're right.
I am just a humble wizard,
but if you say the word,
I will read every magic book
I have, use every tool
in my small but mighty arsenal,
and do everything
in my power to help.
- I'm sorry, Horus, but your
magic isn't strong enough.
- Well, thank goodness.
That sounded
like a lot of work.
- If we're going to have
a fighting chance,
then we need powerful magic.
We need
- Last-ditch effort?
- A desperate act?
- A peppy song to fill
the time?
- No. Queen Shimmereen.
- Brendar, you don't like
Queen Shimmereen,
and she doesn't
like you right back.
- She kicked you out of
the royal order and took
your sensible assault footwear.
- And it's very hard to get
an appointment with her,
let alone a commitment
to a romantic picnic.
- Look, I don't wanna ask her
for help,
but there's only two things
powerful enough to defeat
Axe and Queen Shimmereen.
- Careful, Brendar, you know,
she'll probably make you sing
that princess warrior anthem.
- Hmph! I will never sing
the princess warrior
anthem again.
But we have to try.
Let's head out.
- Okay.
- Oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi, oi, oi! ♪
- Hey, Brendar.
I'm really sorry
about what I did.
Can I come with you? I can step
on Alvin's tail for you!
- Her tail?
- Yeah, it's her most
sensitive spot.
I stepped on it once,
and she went crazy.
- Oh, that's good information,
but you still can't come.
- I think it's a little too
dangerous for you, kid.
Why don't you hang
back here with me?
I got something
that will cheer you right up.
- What's that?
- I'm gonna teach you
how to clean a kitchen.
- Oh, cool!
- And after we clean up,
you can fix the roof!
- Wow!
- Let's go see a queen
about a demon.
- Yeah.
- Is it poor taste
to be received by a queen
wearing one flip flop?
Where in the hackamore am I?
- By Blarney's beard,
the dual docks,
and you're in
the royal dungeon.
I'm Jeremy, welcome to me wall!
- Thanks.
- You're welcome!
I need you to do me a favor.
When that bloke wakes up,
just ignore him.
- What bloke?
- Not very observant, this axe.
- Huh?
- Dale, don't be rude.
This axe is me
own new best friend!
- Oh, so sorry, Sir Jeremy,
Baron of the left bit
of the wall.
- All right, Axe, I'll explain.
Dale here, the Lord
of the right bit of the wall,
is just jealous of our side
'cause our side gets a sunbeam
for three minutes
every third Tuesday.
- The Axe and I declare war.
- What?
If anything,
Axe is mostly on my side.
- What the!
- Oi, prepare for battle, you.
- Battle?
You guys are chained to a wall.
- Well, my hands are chained,
but my feet are lethal weapons!
- You take that, you.
- This is pretty much the day.
Is it possible for the dungeon
to provide nail clippers? Ugh.
- Good morning, boys!
Morning, Tyler.
- I got bad news.
I won't be able to hold you off
today, busy, busy, busy,
so you'll have to wallow
in your own filth
for a little while longer.
- Well, that's fine.
I'm comfortable
in me own filth.
- I'd like a hot bath.
- Not me, wallowing in filth
reminds me of the filth farm
that dad used to manage.
- Your father farmed filth?
- Until the great filth famine!
- It was a horrible time
for all of us.
- Oh, and Mosses
joined my side.
That's two against one.
- Ooh, Axe, reconsider.
Join me side.
My wall is much smoother.
- I'm not on anybody's side!
- Join my side,
the shackles are roomier.
- Tyler, is possible for me
to have my own cell?
- Listen,
don't fly off handle.
You won't have to put up with
them for too much longer
- Ugh, thank goodness.
- Because I am going to heat up
the cauldron and melt you down!
- Melt me down?
Melt me down?
- It will be like
taking hot lava bath.
- Oh, the axe gets a bath,
not fair.
- I'll get this bad boy
fired up.
And it will be about an hour
before it is the perfect
axe-melting temperature.
- No, no, no, wait, Tyler.
You can't melt a friend
of Lord Jeremy's,
will you agree, Jer-bear?
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
- Well, I'm on Team Dale now.
Am I right, big D?
- Don't go anywhere.
♪
Hark, hark.
Brendar the Barbarian
approaches.
- What is she doing here?
- Yes, it's me.
I'm here.
- How dare she.
- Say hello
to my little friends.
- Wow!
- Oh, vaulted ceilings!
- And just so everyone knows,
I will not be singing a song!
Whoa, Sharon, I just wanted
to speak to the queen.
- She is busy.
- She is?
- Let her pass.
- Like I said,
she'll see you now.
- Hello, Shimmereen,
you're looking magically regal.
- Oh, yes, yes, we love
how you're running Gothmoria,
the new rules with no laughing
or singing
without a license
are real crowd-pleasers.
- Yes, I like it too.
- I've come with a request.
- Oh, a request!
Let's see, would you like me
to make Thursday
Silly Hat Day?
- Ooh, yeah, that'd be great.
- Yeah, I have a face for hats.
- Sure do.
- No, it's about
the demon, Alvin.
She took my Axe.
- I hear she goes all around
Gothmoria borrowing tools
and never giving them back.
- That's funny.
- But Axe is not just an axe.
She's our friend,
and she's a demon chopper.
So Alvin doesn't
want her out there.
- Does this story have an end?
- Yes, we need your help.
-
I never thought I'd hear those
words come out her mouth.
- Silence!
It's the shush ribbon of shame
for you.
- Now, I wouldn't think
you'd need my help.
Because from what I heard,
you got your brother
out of Alvin's lair
all on your own.
That couldn't have been easy.
- No, not easy at all,
we almost got stabbed by spikes
and poisoned by a frog
and eaten by a monster!
- I can't wait to hear one
of your peppy tunes about it.
- Thanks, I got a real good
hook I'm working on right now--
- I was being sarcastic.
Your songs are tedious.
- Look, only you can track down
Alvin and help me defeat her.
- Hm.
-
Please.
Your magic is so powerful.
Aren't I always saying that,
guys?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All the time.
- Yeah, all the way here,
she was saying it.
- Yeah, you're a real suck up.
- All of the time.
- To the queen, for sure.
-
Give me a second
to think about it.
♪
- I'll do it.
- Really?
- Truly?
- For real?
- No way!
- I wasn't sure you'd see me,
let alone help me.
Thank you.
-
- Two mortal enemies
coming together
and joining forces
on an epic quest!
- One teeny, tiny thing.
- Uh-oh.
- You have to earn it.
- What do you want?
I'll do whatever it takes.
You want me to bow?
I will bow.
Kiss your feet?
Evan would be happy to do it.
- Yeah--wait, what?
- I want you to sing
the princess warrior anthem!
- She hates that song.
- She hates that song.
- Oh.
She hates that song.
- I really don't
like that song.
- Making you sing a song you
like isn't very fun now, is it?
- Fine.
We are
the princess warriors ♪
We really love our queen ♪
We humbly clip her ribbons
and swear she isn't mean ♪
She isn't!
- I believe
that song came with
choreography, go on.
- We are
the princess warriors ♪
We really love our queen ♪
She gives us fancy outfits ♪
And hitters the guillotine ♪
Chop! Chop!
- Bravo!
- Nice moves!
- Well, that was peachy,
but good effort.
Now, throw them
in the dungeon.
- Wait!
Surprise!
- I knew I shouldn't
have trusted you.
- And yet you did!
- You'll never get away
with this.
I guess she got away with it.
- Oh.
- So now we're in the same cell
as Axe.
- Weird, right, because--
well, Axe was taken by Alvin
and we were taken by the queen.
So I don't know, maybe it's
a magic spell or something.
- Hmm.
- All I know is,
your brother handed me off
to the bad guy,
and now we're in a dungeon!
- Ain't you gonna introduce us
to your friends?
- They don't teach
simple manners anymore.
- Oh, sorry.
Dungeon guys,
these are my friends.
Friends,
these are dungeon guys.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Nice to meet ya!
- Welcome,
our filth is your filth.
- Hang around
as long as you want.
- Well, I'm glad
that you're okay, Axe.
- For now.
- Yeah, and I'm glad
we're all together.
But why are we all together?
- Maybe the queen is in cahoots
with Alvin.
Cahoots! Cahoots!
Cahoots! Cahoots!
- Of course.
She's letting Alvin
use her dungeon.
- Renting out one's dungeon
is a direct violation
to the castle owner's
association bylaws!
The queen is as deceitful
as she is beautiful.
- Gross.
- But what does she get
from Alvin?
- Oh.
♪
- All right, I am sorry
that took so long,
but I wanted to get it
really hot for you.
There is nothing
more embarrassing
than melting off only half
of someone's face.
- Really? Nothing?
You can't think of one thing
that would be more
embarrassing?
- Oh, no, what's going on?
- Oh, let me fill you in.
I'm about to be melted down
into a fork!
- What kind of fork?
- The kind that breaks off
slices of delicate cake.
- Oh, no.
- I hate to cut this short,
but as the queen would say,
"Chop, chop."
- Oh, that's my line!
Oh, no!
♪
- Axe!
Oh, no!
- Sharon?
Sharon!
- Oh, yeah!
- Yeah!
- Very good!
- All right!
- Oi, oi, oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi, oi, oi! ♪
Oi, oi, oi! ♪
- Why are you doing this,
Sharon?
- I don't know.
Maybe it's because
the queen is mean
and has made so many
people's lives miserable.
- Or?
- I just love revenge.
- There we go.
Thank you, Sharon.
- Yes, well,
we better get going
before the queen realizes
what I've done.
- Yeah.
- Hey, shouldn't we take
the dungeon guys with us?
- Oh, kind of you to say so,
but we're good here.
- Yeah, besides,
tomorrow is Silly Hat Day.
- And we have our friend Tyler
to hang out with.
- Cahoots!
Cahoots! Cahoots! Cahoots!
- Coast is clear.
♪
- Once we pass the entryway,
it's the lobby,
then the vestibule and then
after the foyer, we run.
Hark, hark!
The escaped prisoners approach!
Shh!
- Where do you think
you're going?
- We're leaving.
I'll fight you if I have to.
- Let's wrap this up.
- That was rude and literal.
Hmph!
- You don't deserve
to be queen.
You've done nothing
for the people of Gothmoria.
- And you've been
working with Alvin.
- In cahoots!
- That's right.
We've got it all figured out.
- How do you live
with yourself?
Working with Alvin
- Working with Alvin?
Oh, you silly, purple troll.
You really have no idea
who I am, do you?
I guess it's cute how
you think that you know me ♪
But I've been pulling
your strings ♪
Yes, I've been
yanking your chain ♪
It's such a hoot
to shoot my girls in the back ♪
Poison the cat in my lap ♪
Be the wolf and grandma's
careful queen! ♪
What big eyes you have!
Why do I do the nasty things
that I do ♪
Yes, I'm evil
through and through ♪
Nothing I hate
more than you ♪
While you were out questing,
I was robbing your hood ♪
I can't feel bad
'cause it's just too good ♪
I can't feel bad
'cause it's just too good! ♪
So gather around,
no, you can't ♪
'Cause you're bound
by the very same ribbons ♪
I used to hold you down,
just grabbed your hair ♪
And your clothes,
threw your brother in jail ♪
Tricky, tricky, what a pity ♪
Hey, Brendar, you failed! ♪
Oh, the queen has a tail! ♪
Why do I do the nasty things
that I do ♪
Yes, I'm evil through
and through ♪
Nothing I hate
more than you ♪
Face it, you're basic,
I could kill and I would ♪
I can't feel bad
'cause it's just too good ♪
Think you could end me?
Oh, I wish that you would ♪
You are all my puppets ♪
- And it's just too good ♪
You're broken and I love it
'cause it's just too good! ♪
- Guys, we found
Alvin the demon.
- You think?
- Even I figured that actually.
- Yeah, really.
No doy, troll.
And now,
I'm going to end you all
just like I ended your mother!