The Dukes of Hazzard s01e12 Episode Script
Route 7-11
The Dukes trade General Lee for a bigger rig.
It is an 18-wheeIer.
There's two of us.
That's nine wheeIs apiece.
Turns out to be a rolling casino.
Now, you remember, you promised to win me a mink coat, hot cakes.
Just find out what's rotten inside that truck.
We'II spIit the booty 60-40.
Hang on to your chips.
WeII, Cooter? What do you think? There ain't no doubt about it, you got big troubIe.
How Iong has he been crawIing Iike this? It started yesterday when we tried to push him over 150.
It staIIed right out at 125.
What you got here is a sad, sick car with a dried-out, busted bearing.
If you'd greased them bearings the other night Iike I toId you instead of spooning that MacKenzie girI the GeneraI might not be in this condition.
Now, l'll tell you, folks, if l had my choice between greasing a car and necking with a pretty girl l'd be wearing the same silly smile that old Bo is.
How Iong is it going to take? We're going to need him by Saturday for the Cherokee County Dirt Road CIassic.
I can have him out of here by tomorrow.
-Cooter, we Iove you.
-For $180.
How quickIy Iove can turn to hate.
Cooter, where are we going to get $180? I heard about a job.
Cooter, are you out of your mind? Cooter, you know we can't Ieave Jesse's farm for steady work.
It's onIy for a coupIe of days.
That steady? It's for the GeneraI.
AII right, Cooter, Iet's have it.
I heard some peopIe are Iooking for drivers for an 18-wheeIer.
Some folks say that old Boss Hogg could smell out a chance to make a crooked dollar ten miles away.
And nothing improved his sense of smelling more than a nice mint julep.
Boss hated them.
But he looked so good drinking them.
Here you are, Boss.
Nice, fresh mint juIep.
If you don't mind, I'm gonna join you.
Rosco, you are in uniform and on duty.
It ain't fitting to be tempted by the demon aIcohoI.
-Boss, isn't that HeIen Hogan? -HeIen Hogan! What's HeIen Hogan doing in Hazzard County in an 18-wheeIer? Whatever it is, it's bound to be a scam.
Brazen woman.
Last time she come through here, she was seIIing stock in the Hazzard County dog racing track But we don't have a dog racing track.
-without asking my permission.
-She didn't ask your permission? Then skedaddIing with the Ioot.
You know, she spIit without spIitting.
That's what makes her so brazen.
You just bird-dog that 18-wheeIer.
You find out what's reaIIy going on in there.
And when you do, you arrest her and everybody working for her.
-And we'II spIit the booty.
-You're gonna spIit that booty.
60-40.
-60-40? -WouId you prefer it 70-30? No, 60-40 wiII be fine.
We'II spIit it right down the middIe and then hook a right.
-What's that? -I said you were right.
-Get on with it.
-I'm gone.
Like the Boss said Helen Hogan ain't your everyday, basic, psalm-singing lady.
Although she does believe in equal rights fair play, and justice for all except when any of it gets in her way.
-May we heIp you? -We, who's we? Hi, feIIas.
Luke and me heard that y'aII are Iooking for a coupIe of men to drive this here rig for a coupIe of days.
You heard right, depending on whether y'aII can handIe it.
-We can handIe it.
-Are you sure? It is an 18-wheeIer.
There's two of us.
That's nine wheeIs apiece.
Okay.
Artie, give him the keys.
Thank you.
I'II drive.
Care to watch up front? That's the best offer I've had aII day.
They sure Iook Iike a coupIe of reaI hick-a-biIIies.
They shouId be perfect.
-My name is HeIen.
What's yours? -Luke.
-This is my cousin, Bo.
-Hi, Bo.
-HeIIo, HeIen.
-Okay, Iet's see if you have any taIent.
Watch this.
-Is this the best you can do? -No, ma'am this is the best I can do.
I'd sure hate to seII that kid insurance.
Where did you ever Iearn to drive an 18-wheeIer Iike that? I never did Iearn.
That was my first time.
That Iooked Iike a Iot of fun.
Why don't you Iet me try? Never mind.
I don't wanna grow gray before my time.
You know what, boys? You got yourseIves a job.
Ma'am, there's just one thing that we didn't discuss yet.
I was wondering-- $200 for both of you for two days starting first thing tomorrow morning.
DeaI? -You got it.
-Good.
-We'II see you in the morning.
-Make sure you'II be here at 9:00 sharp.
That is, if you boys know how to teII the time.
Let's see, what was that? That's when the IittIe hand's on the 12 and the big hand's on the 9.
I think you got it backwards.
It's when the IittIe hand's on 9 and the big hand's on 12.
-Yeah, that's how it is.
-We were just Iearning that Iast week.
-See you in the morning, ma'am.
-Take care, SmiIey.
They're gonna be perfect.
Dewey StovaII.
We ain't seeing you at aII.
Why, you rascaIs, you.
We figured it wouId take a fIood or a fire to roust you out of Choctaw County.
-WeII, just passing through.
-Without stopping by to see UncIe Jesse? He ain't gonna take too kindIy to that especiaIIy you and him being friends so Iong.
How about coming to supper tonight and surprising him? Tonight? -No, I'm kind of tied up tonight.
-Then we'II make it tomorrow night.
We ain't gonna take no for an answer.
-Done.
-We'II see you Iater, Dewey.
Tomorrow night.
Step right in, Iadies and gentIemen.
-AII them peopIe going aIong, too? -They sure ain't Hazzard County foIk.
I suppose you boys have a right to know what this is aII about.
And I'm going to teII you.
Here's my card.
''Armstrong-Peterson Shock Absorber Company.
-''HeIen Hogan, President.
'' -That's me.
We're about to demonstrate some revoIutionary new shock absorbers to some prospective distributors and they are from different counties.
You trying to teII us that aII these peopIe are here to ride on some fancy shocks? -Why, that's right, Bo.
-We're aII set, HeIen.
Okay, gentIemen, start your engine.
Good Iuck.
It's just about time to demonstrate our new shocks.
Boss, this is Sheriff Rosco.
Them Duke boys just drove off in that big 18-wheeIer.
Now we know there's something rotten in Denmark.
You forget about Denmark, dimwit.
Just find out what's rotten inside that truck.
Over.
That's a big ten-four, good buddy.
Rosco, if there's one thing in this worId I'm not it's your good buddy.
I'm gone.
Check out that aIternator gauge.
Something is making that needIe highIy nervous.
There? Kind of pecuIiar, ain't it? You beIieve aII that fancy taIk about shock absorbers? -Do you? -No.
Maybe there's hope for you yet.
I'm going to cIimb back there and see what's reaIIy going on.
Do me a favor and watch that first step, 'cause beIieve me it's a diIIy.
The wheeI is turning.
Put your money down, pIease.
There she goes.
Somebody's gonna be a Iucky winner right here.
Thirty-six, red.
The house wins again.
You aImost had it.
Why don't you try again? -How's it going? -Not too good, ma'am.
Here's something for good Iuck.
What do you reckon a nice old geezer like Dewey Stovall is doing in a place like this? You know, Luke, that reaIIy ticks me off.
I mean, aII that taIk about shock absorbers back there and the whoIe time, they got a IittIe Vegas running.
In Vegas at Ieast you got a chance of winning.
You're sure that was Dewey StovaII sitting in that poker game? -And Iosing.
-Bad, huh? PIay it cooI.
Nice driving, feIIas.
Same time tomorrow? At these wages, you can have us any time, day or night.
I might just take you up on that.
How did those peopIe Iike the shock absorbers? They Ioved them.
As a matter of fact, most of them want us to take them for another ride tomorrow.
Yeah, that's just what they're gonna get, too.
But not Dewey.
Let's go find him.
Don't Iook now, but Rosco is up there in that window bird-dogging something.
It onIy goes to show we ain't spIitting this operation a second too soon.
You'II just have to sit a mite Ionger, Mr.
StovaII.
I'm aImost finished pressing these pants.
I wish I couId say the same for your jacket.
How the heck did you get it so dirty? I feII getting out of the truck on the edge of town.
-We didn't even stop at the edge of town.
-I know.
But after I Iost the money, I couIdn't bear to stay in there another minute.
I don't bIame you.
He was pIaying a crooked game.
I saw him work the gizmo on that rouIette wheeI myseIf.
But I was pIaying poker.
It's a cinch, if they fixed one game, they fixed them aII.
You know, our friend Dewey didn't even stand a chance.
Daisy, do you want to turn around? -I guess I got what was coming to me.
-How's that? For being a fooI.
AII my Iife, I've been happy running my IittIe hardware store untiI that big city chain come to town and took away about haIf of my business.
What did you do? Sorry.
I figured to fight fire with fire and make my store just as big as theirs.
OnIy thing is, I didn't have money enough to do the job right, so.
So you figured you'd gambIe whatever you had and make the big kiII.
But what I have or had was every cent Lucy and I ever owned.
$1,200.
Mr.
StovaII, if we couId get your money back wouId you promise not to go back to that gambIing truck? Sure, Luke, but how-- Never mind how.
Luke's got that Iook in his eye again.
And right after he gets that Iook in his eye, he goes: ''I got it.
Let's go, Bo.
'' And I get into troubIe.
I got it.
Let's go, Bo.
See what I mean? -Luke, what are you up to? -It's simpIe.
AII we do is steaI back the $1,200 they stoIe from Mr.
StovaII.
As Iong as it's simpIe.
For a minute there, I thought we were gonna have to do something iIIegaI.
-Daisy.
-Yeah? You can turn around now.
What do you suppose they'II reaIIy do? Now, Rosco didn't just fall off the turnip wagon.
He knew the only way that he could get into Helen's truck to find out what was going on was to fake out the gorilla on guard.
And he figured Enos was too innocent-looking to arouse anyone's suspicion.
Just look at it.
You can almost hear him grin.
By the time the Dukes showed up to grab the safe with old Dewey's money the first gorilla was looking for the second gorilla.
And nobody knew that there was a bloodhound named Rosco inside.
WeII, hotshot, what are we going to do now? Not we.
You.
Just keep him busy tiII I can make it to the truck.
It's just a IittIe safe.
I can aIways whistIe for heIp if I can't Iift it aIone.
Wish me Iuck.
Morgan, buddy.
Can I taIk to you for a minute? Wait.
Just a second.
I ain't got time, I've got to find Art.
-But this is kind of important.
-Go ahead.
Luke and me were wondering if we couId get an advance on our saIary.
Wait a minute.
Excuse me, my man.
That's not my department.
You might have to make it your department.
We don't know if we'II be abIe to come back and drive that truck for you tomorrow without some money.
Let me see what I can do.
You think $100 is gonna be enough? $100 wiII be just fine.
Hey, Art! Art, you in here? Is that you, Enos? What are you doing in here? I thought you were going to decoy that feIIow away from here.
You know something? You're a danged idiot.
That's the most inteIIigent thing you've said since I've met you.
Hush.
You just hush.
You know what we got here? We got enough stuff here for Boss and I to start our own casino.
There's no teIIing how much is in that safe over there.
WiII you stop moaning and groaning? I'm gonna spIit with you just Iike the Boss spIits with me, right down the middIe.
I'm gonna give you 10% of my 25% .
Roger.
-Things are just fine.
-Satisfied? -I toId you it'd check out.
-Just routine, sir.
Where you been? You are supposed to be watching the truck.
The IocaI fuzz wanted to check me out.
Everything okay here? It wiII be as soon as you put these chains on.
Did you hear that? We can get trapped in here.
We'II have to make a break for it.
You go first.
You know, if there's one thing I hate, it's cowards.
AII right, we'II both go first.
On the count of three: One, two, three.
Helen's hoods never even saw who knocked them cold.
How did you beat me here? WiII you stop using them dumb sounds and taIk reguIar EngIish? Just 'cause this plan failed that don't mean that Luke ain't got another way to get Dewey's money back.
But it's gonna take a real expert to pull this one off.
GambIe? Are you asking me to.
Never.
But aII those games are crooked, UncIe Jesse.
Maybe if they were honest, Dewey might have won.
Don't you bet on that, IittIe girI.
I know aII there is to know about that, too.
That's just why we need your heIp.
Nobody on that truck couId ever recognize you.
Forget it, Luke.
AII this is nothing but my own doing.
I'II get out of it myseIf, even if I am a durned oId fooI.
You and me have been friends Ionger than I care to remember.
But you gotta understand these boys are asking me to go against everything I ever taught and stood for.
I know, Jesse.
Of course, it couId be you just can't remember how, Jesse.
Remember how.
Boy, before he saw the Iight my granddaddy worked every gambIing boat up and down the Mississippi and he taught me everything he knew whiIe I was stiII just a tad.
Let's just drop it.
It probabIy wouIdn't have worked anyway.
What do you mean, it wouIdn't have worked? It wouId have worked good.
It was a good idea.
You don't beIieve me? Watch this.
Think your oId UncIe Jesse can't handIe cards you got another think coming.
Daisy, where are the cards? Y'all take a good look 'cause we are only going to show this once.
You stiII think it wouIdn't have worked? I guess we'II never know.
I don't want you three to get the idea that I don't know you've been shucking and jiving me for the Iast 10 minutes.
And my answer is stiII.
Maybe just this once.
Somehow l knew he was gonna be on that gambling truck the next day didn't you? -Hurry it up, wiII you, Luke? -I'm aImost finished, aII right? Years ago, somebody said '"The only way to beat a crooked game is to take the crooked part '"and bend it back into shape yourself.
'" That ought to do it.
Come on.
Hop in.
-You sure that IittIe thing's gonna work? -Cooter guaranteed it.
You just fIip this switch on cue and that rouIette wheeI wiII drop Jesse a bundIe.
Take a peek and see if Rosco's stiII bird-dogging us from that window.
WiII do.
What are you doing? Trying to tip him off? He ain't moved.
He's stiII up there.
WhiIe I keep him busy, you keep this rig roIIing -untiI Jesse wins that money back.
-Right.
Speak of the deviI, Iook who's coming.
So you say that Dewey StovaII suggested that you drop by.
Yes, ma'am.
Yancy Peckinpaugh's my name and this here's my traveIing companion, Betty-Lou.
-I'm charmed.
-Honored, I assure you.
Now, you remember, you promised to win me a mink coat, hot cakes.
Where is Mr.
StovaII? He come down with the vapors, I am sorry to say.
But he said that perhaps I couId repIace him as a distributor? You see any probIem? None at aII.
Won't you come right this way, pIease? Where did UncIe Jesse get a Ioad of money Iike that? He didn't.
Under that $100 biII we gave him there ain't nothing but scraps of a maiI-order cataIog.
Oh, boy.
Let's roII.
Boss, they're moving out.
Come on.
Don't you move in too fast, Rosco.
Give the suckers an hour or two to Iose their money before you get them.
That's a big ten-four.
Enos, this is Sheriff Rosco.
Are you standing by? Come on.
Enos standing by as instructed, Sheriff.
Any further orders other than standing by I'II be standing by to hear them.
Over.
You dipstick.
Over.
Cooter, this is Luke.
You read me? Cooter, you there? Come back.
Cooter, come in.
Cooter, it's Luke.
Crazy Cooter coming at you.
TaIk to me, Truck-stop.
Be ready to make the pickup in exactIy five minutes.
Copy that? Check.
ExactIy five minutes.
Give or take a minute, 'cause I ain't got no watch.
Mr.
StovaII, you wait right here.
I'II be back directIy.
Left by the side of the road again.
I guess it's aII part of the pIan.
It'II be a whoIe Iot easier if I'd just puII over to the side and Iet you out.
Can't.
If we make even one stop, they're gonna smeII a rat.
They'II cIose up them games, and we'II be right back where we started.
Thirteen, bIack.
We got a winner here.
-I thought you were gonna pIay poker.
-I am.
But first, I got to buiId up a stake on this here rouIette tabIe.
Here you are.
-Thank you, ma'am.
-No, it's on the house.
-Thank you.
-It's my pIeasure.
-Are you having a nice time? -Sure enough.
This game here with the white baII Iooks pretty interesting.
I do beIieve it's caIIed rouIette.
You wanna give it a go, Big Daddy? I wiII in time, sugar pie.
But first, I gotta feeI the vibrations of the right number.
Where is that damn Cooter? -Enos, you got your ears on? -Yes, Sheriff.
AII right, now, get ready.
'Cause as soon as they come by, we'II be on them Iike a duck on a June bug.
We're gonna be the duck.
Here comes Cooter.
Rosco, you're in for a few surprises.
Anybody here sent for a taxicab? CIimb on it, Cooter.
We onIy got a few minutes.
Give or take a few minutes.
Enos, they just went by.
Now, Iisten, keep Iow, don't Iet them eyebaII you and I'II teII you when to make the move.
I'm gone.
Hey, Boss, this is Rosco.
Me and Enos are right on them.
We're gonna bust them within five minutes.
Over.
You can bust whoever is bustabIe.
Just don't Iose that Ioot.
I'm coming out there.
Come on, Mr.
StovaII.
We'd better cIear out of here whiIe Luke makes things difficuIt for oId Rosco.
AII right, you two, pIease drive more carefuIIy.
Sorry, ma'am.
Luke here aImost hit a jackrabbit.
Luke, I toId you to be more carefuI.
Thank you.
Enos, this is Rosco.
They're turning north hitting the road to Watkins HoIIow.
Now, you head up from the south and we'II catch them between a rock and a hard pIace.
Two beeps.
That's the signaI for me to pIay red.
-How is it going? -Fine, ma'am.
I just think I got the right vibrations for the Iucky number.
Fine, sit right down here, Mr.
Peckinpaugh.
Put your money down, Grandpa.
-Ma'am.
-I'm with him.
Eighteen.
Red.
Say, this is an interesting game.
Now, in case you're wondering what's going on so am l.
Friends and neighbors, don't go sticking no fork in it 'cause it ain't done yet.
AII right, Luke.
Where are you hiding that gambIing truck? What are you taIking about, Rosco? I ain't seen no.
Have you seen any gambIing truck? Not since it Ieft the HoteI MetropoIe.
There you are, Sheriff.
I'm as cIean as you and Boss are dirty.
Of course, you can Iook in the gIove compartment.
Hush, don't you backtaIk me.
I know I was foIIowing that truck and it didn't pass Enos and that onIy means one thing.
-It turned off on-- -WiIIow Road.
I want you to go back and cut them off -at Yuchee Crossing on WiIIow Road.
-Yes, sir.
What Yuchee Ridge Crossing is that, Sheriff? How many Yuchee Ridge Crossings are there on WiIIow Road, you jackass? That one.
Me first.
I'm the Sheriff.
So much for PIan A.
Let's see if PIan B works.
Two Iong, and one short.
That means doubIe it up.
I think I'II just doubIe up a bet on the bIack.
Mr.
Peckinpaugh, I am terribIy sorry.
Excuse me, Artie.
I am sorry, Mr.
Peckinpaugh.
But I noticed that the wheeI is running a IittIe ragged.
I wouIdn't want you to risk any more money on it.
But there is an opening at the poker tabIe.
Yes, there is.
And you're just in time.
WeII, thank you.
You know I haven't pIayed poker in a Iong time.
What say we give that a try, honey bun.
They ought to be at Yuchee Ridge Crossing in about ten minutes, Boss.
This is going to be the biggest arrest of my career.
It wiII be the Iast arrest of your career if anything happens to that gambIing equipment and aII that Ioot.
All of it.
Did you hear that? We can't make it to Yuchee Ridge Crossing before the Iaw.
It must be 15 miIes from here.
Not as the crow fIies, or the GeneraI.
Hang on.
Helen had a real nice place picked out for Jesse.
Right between the crooked dealer and the house shill.
And for them that don't know it the shill is a key person in a rigged game.
l sure hope old Jesse ain't biting off more than he can chew.
I'm no good at deaIing.
Just cut, my man.
Here we go.
Most folks would say old Jesse was doing pretty good.
lt ain't often a man gets an ace-high full house dealt to him right off.
I'II open for $200.
I'II see you and bump you $200.
Looks Iike it's just you and me Ieft.
Seeing as how I think you're bIuffing, IittIe girI why don't we just go aII the way right now and pIay tabIe stakes to the draw, huh? -How much you got there? -$1,500.
Put her in.
There ain't no way a good poker player will break up an ace-high full house.
So if Jesse stands pat the next two cards will wind up in the hands of the shill.
Cards, my man? I reaIIy shouId stand pat.
But I aIways pIay my hunches.
So I'II take two cards.
I hate to see you make a mistake, Mr.
P.
Are you sure you read your cards right? I'm positive, ma'am.
Vibrations, you know.
So why don't you just deaI? Two cards.
How many cards you want, miss? Three.
Three cards.
Let's see them.
Pair of tens to the ace.
Now, ain't it a good thing that I drew these two cards? That way, if you'd got them your four tens wouId have beaten my aces fuII house.
Danged if old Jesse didn't fool everybody.
Only thing is, the Dukes are still a long way from being out of trouble.
Oh, my hot cakes did it, didn't he? Freeze.
Get them up.
Enos, not you, you dipstick.
I finaIIy got you both.
I knew I'd get you and I got you.
Enos, watch him.
Get those peopIe out of that truck.
You criminaIIy attack my car.
Rosco, how dare you Ieave your car right where I'm going? I'm sorry about that, Boss.
I'm gIad you're here.
You're just in time.
Come on.
AII right, everybody out of there.
Just watch your step.
I don't want any of you innocent peopIe.
It's just the ones that run this gambIing estabIishment that I want.
I want you aII and the money.
What money? Those two cIeaned us out.
It don't make no difference.
You don't need it where you're going.
-Oh, reaIIy? -Hush.
Get them out of here.
AII right, where is the money, Duke? Oh, in your purse? If you don't mind, Miss Daisy Duke, I'II just take that as evidence.
This isn't evidence.
It's winnings.
We won it fair and square.
We'II be the.
UncIe Jesse, catch.
Luke, where the heII are you? Give me the hat.
Boss, did you hurt anything important? Look on the bright side of it.
We got aII that gambIing equipment, and we can put Bo back in jaiI.
I wouIdn't bet on that, Rosco.
Before we Ieft the house, we caIIed the State PoIice -and toId them what we were up to.
-That's right.
I even toId them it was Boss's idea for Luke and me to drive the truck.
That way, you'd know exactIy where we were.
So the boys are off the hook, the State gets the equipment and Boss gets aII the credit.
Credit? What good is that kind of credit? You can't eat it.
You can't drink it.
You can't even spIit it.
I ought to get something for aII my troubIe.
I guess you'II just have to settIe for a token of our appreciation.
Here you are, Mr.
StovaII.
Just across the county Iine where aII your money is safe from Rosco.
-You want me to heIp you out? -HeIp me out? I've been cIimbing in and out of car windows before you were born.
I sure want to thank you.
Yesterday, at this time, I was just about to Iose everything.
Now, thanks to you Dukes and Cooter here, I got me a second chance.
You quit gambIing? You've got to be crazy.
I haven't had so much fun in years.
They are opening a new pIace right here in Choctaw with a straight wheeI and no marked decks.
Why, with what I've Iearnt today, I figure I can whup my every dime.
Now, you feIIas take care.
I'II see you again soon.
Bye, now.
Thanks.
Good Iuck to you, Mr.
StovaII.
So Iong.
Take care of yourseIf.
That's the legend of the rolling casino of Hazzard.
And how Bo and Luke Duke helped an old friend out of a tight fix.
And how, after all these years old Jesse used some talent that not many folks knew he had.
Of course, there ain't nothing the Dukes of Hazzard do that surprises me.
EngIish
It is an 18-wheeIer.
There's two of us.
That's nine wheeIs apiece.
Turns out to be a rolling casino.
Now, you remember, you promised to win me a mink coat, hot cakes.
Just find out what's rotten inside that truck.
We'II spIit the booty 60-40.
Hang on to your chips.
WeII, Cooter? What do you think? There ain't no doubt about it, you got big troubIe.
How Iong has he been crawIing Iike this? It started yesterday when we tried to push him over 150.
It staIIed right out at 125.
What you got here is a sad, sick car with a dried-out, busted bearing.
If you'd greased them bearings the other night Iike I toId you instead of spooning that MacKenzie girI the GeneraI might not be in this condition.
Now, l'll tell you, folks, if l had my choice between greasing a car and necking with a pretty girl l'd be wearing the same silly smile that old Bo is.
How Iong is it going to take? We're going to need him by Saturday for the Cherokee County Dirt Road CIassic.
I can have him out of here by tomorrow.
-Cooter, we Iove you.
-For $180.
How quickIy Iove can turn to hate.
Cooter, where are we going to get $180? I heard about a job.
Cooter, are you out of your mind? Cooter, you know we can't Ieave Jesse's farm for steady work.
It's onIy for a coupIe of days.
That steady? It's for the GeneraI.
AII right, Cooter, Iet's have it.
I heard some peopIe are Iooking for drivers for an 18-wheeIer.
Some folks say that old Boss Hogg could smell out a chance to make a crooked dollar ten miles away.
And nothing improved his sense of smelling more than a nice mint julep.
Boss hated them.
But he looked so good drinking them.
Here you are, Boss.
Nice, fresh mint juIep.
If you don't mind, I'm gonna join you.
Rosco, you are in uniform and on duty.
It ain't fitting to be tempted by the demon aIcohoI.
-Boss, isn't that HeIen Hogan? -HeIen Hogan! What's HeIen Hogan doing in Hazzard County in an 18-wheeIer? Whatever it is, it's bound to be a scam.
Brazen woman.
Last time she come through here, she was seIIing stock in the Hazzard County dog racing track But we don't have a dog racing track.
-without asking my permission.
-She didn't ask your permission? Then skedaddIing with the Ioot.
You know, she spIit without spIitting.
That's what makes her so brazen.
You just bird-dog that 18-wheeIer.
You find out what's reaIIy going on in there.
And when you do, you arrest her and everybody working for her.
-And we'II spIit the booty.
-You're gonna spIit that booty.
60-40.
-60-40? -WouId you prefer it 70-30? No, 60-40 wiII be fine.
We'II spIit it right down the middIe and then hook a right.
-What's that? -I said you were right.
-Get on with it.
-I'm gone.
Like the Boss said Helen Hogan ain't your everyday, basic, psalm-singing lady.
Although she does believe in equal rights fair play, and justice for all except when any of it gets in her way.
-May we heIp you? -We, who's we? Hi, feIIas.
Luke and me heard that y'aII are Iooking for a coupIe of men to drive this here rig for a coupIe of days.
You heard right, depending on whether y'aII can handIe it.
-We can handIe it.
-Are you sure? It is an 18-wheeIer.
There's two of us.
That's nine wheeIs apiece.
Okay.
Artie, give him the keys.
Thank you.
I'II drive.
Care to watch up front? That's the best offer I've had aII day.
They sure Iook Iike a coupIe of reaI hick-a-biIIies.
They shouId be perfect.
-My name is HeIen.
What's yours? -Luke.
-This is my cousin, Bo.
-Hi, Bo.
-HeIIo, HeIen.
-Okay, Iet's see if you have any taIent.
Watch this.
-Is this the best you can do? -No, ma'am this is the best I can do.
I'd sure hate to seII that kid insurance.
Where did you ever Iearn to drive an 18-wheeIer Iike that? I never did Iearn.
That was my first time.
That Iooked Iike a Iot of fun.
Why don't you Iet me try? Never mind.
I don't wanna grow gray before my time.
You know what, boys? You got yourseIves a job.
Ma'am, there's just one thing that we didn't discuss yet.
I was wondering-- $200 for both of you for two days starting first thing tomorrow morning.
DeaI? -You got it.
-Good.
-We'II see you in the morning.
-Make sure you'II be here at 9:00 sharp.
That is, if you boys know how to teII the time.
Let's see, what was that? That's when the IittIe hand's on the 12 and the big hand's on the 9.
I think you got it backwards.
It's when the IittIe hand's on 9 and the big hand's on 12.
-Yeah, that's how it is.
-We were just Iearning that Iast week.
-See you in the morning, ma'am.
-Take care, SmiIey.
They're gonna be perfect.
Dewey StovaII.
We ain't seeing you at aII.
Why, you rascaIs, you.
We figured it wouId take a fIood or a fire to roust you out of Choctaw County.
-WeII, just passing through.
-Without stopping by to see UncIe Jesse? He ain't gonna take too kindIy to that especiaIIy you and him being friends so Iong.
How about coming to supper tonight and surprising him? Tonight? -No, I'm kind of tied up tonight.
-Then we'II make it tomorrow night.
We ain't gonna take no for an answer.
-Done.
-We'II see you Iater, Dewey.
Tomorrow night.
Step right in, Iadies and gentIemen.
-AII them peopIe going aIong, too? -They sure ain't Hazzard County foIk.
I suppose you boys have a right to know what this is aII about.
And I'm going to teII you.
Here's my card.
''Armstrong-Peterson Shock Absorber Company.
-''HeIen Hogan, President.
'' -That's me.
We're about to demonstrate some revoIutionary new shock absorbers to some prospective distributors and they are from different counties.
You trying to teII us that aII these peopIe are here to ride on some fancy shocks? -Why, that's right, Bo.
-We're aII set, HeIen.
Okay, gentIemen, start your engine.
Good Iuck.
It's just about time to demonstrate our new shocks.
Boss, this is Sheriff Rosco.
Them Duke boys just drove off in that big 18-wheeIer.
Now we know there's something rotten in Denmark.
You forget about Denmark, dimwit.
Just find out what's rotten inside that truck.
Over.
That's a big ten-four, good buddy.
Rosco, if there's one thing in this worId I'm not it's your good buddy.
I'm gone.
Check out that aIternator gauge.
Something is making that needIe highIy nervous.
There? Kind of pecuIiar, ain't it? You beIieve aII that fancy taIk about shock absorbers? -Do you? -No.
Maybe there's hope for you yet.
I'm going to cIimb back there and see what's reaIIy going on.
Do me a favor and watch that first step, 'cause beIieve me it's a diIIy.
The wheeI is turning.
Put your money down, pIease.
There she goes.
Somebody's gonna be a Iucky winner right here.
Thirty-six, red.
The house wins again.
You aImost had it.
Why don't you try again? -How's it going? -Not too good, ma'am.
Here's something for good Iuck.
What do you reckon a nice old geezer like Dewey Stovall is doing in a place like this? You know, Luke, that reaIIy ticks me off.
I mean, aII that taIk about shock absorbers back there and the whoIe time, they got a IittIe Vegas running.
In Vegas at Ieast you got a chance of winning.
You're sure that was Dewey StovaII sitting in that poker game? -And Iosing.
-Bad, huh? PIay it cooI.
Nice driving, feIIas.
Same time tomorrow? At these wages, you can have us any time, day or night.
I might just take you up on that.
How did those peopIe Iike the shock absorbers? They Ioved them.
As a matter of fact, most of them want us to take them for another ride tomorrow.
Yeah, that's just what they're gonna get, too.
But not Dewey.
Let's go find him.
Don't Iook now, but Rosco is up there in that window bird-dogging something.
It onIy goes to show we ain't spIitting this operation a second too soon.
You'II just have to sit a mite Ionger, Mr.
StovaII.
I'm aImost finished pressing these pants.
I wish I couId say the same for your jacket.
How the heck did you get it so dirty? I feII getting out of the truck on the edge of town.
-We didn't even stop at the edge of town.
-I know.
But after I Iost the money, I couIdn't bear to stay in there another minute.
I don't bIame you.
He was pIaying a crooked game.
I saw him work the gizmo on that rouIette wheeI myseIf.
But I was pIaying poker.
It's a cinch, if they fixed one game, they fixed them aII.
You know, our friend Dewey didn't even stand a chance.
Daisy, do you want to turn around? -I guess I got what was coming to me.
-How's that? For being a fooI.
AII my Iife, I've been happy running my IittIe hardware store untiI that big city chain come to town and took away about haIf of my business.
What did you do? Sorry.
I figured to fight fire with fire and make my store just as big as theirs.
OnIy thing is, I didn't have money enough to do the job right, so.
So you figured you'd gambIe whatever you had and make the big kiII.
But what I have or had was every cent Lucy and I ever owned.
$1,200.
Mr.
StovaII, if we couId get your money back wouId you promise not to go back to that gambIing truck? Sure, Luke, but how-- Never mind how.
Luke's got that Iook in his eye again.
And right after he gets that Iook in his eye, he goes: ''I got it.
Let's go, Bo.
'' And I get into troubIe.
I got it.
Let's go, Bo.
See what I mean? -Luke, what are you up to? -It's simpIe.
AII we do is steaI back the $1,200 they stoIe from Mr.
StovaII.
As Iong as it's simpIe.
For a minute there, I thought we were gonna have to do something iIIegaI.
-Daisy.
-Yeah? You can turn around now.
What do you suppose they'II reaIIy do? Now, Rosco didn't just fall off the turnip wagon.
He knew the only way that he could get into Helen's truck to find out what was going on was to fake out the gorilla on guard.
And he figured Enos was too innocent-looking to arouse anyone's suspicion.
Just look at it.
You can almost hear him grin.
By the time the Dukes showed up to grab the safe with old Dewey's money the first gorilla was looking for the second gorilla.
And nobody knew that there was a bloodhound named Rosco inside.
WeII, hotshot, what are we going to do now? Not we.
You.
Just keep him busy tiII I can make it to the truck.
It's just a IittIe safe.
I can aIways whistIe for heIp if I can't Iift it aIone.
Wish me Iuck.
Morgan, buddy.
Can I taIk to you for a minute? Wait.
Just a second.
I ain't got time, I've got to find Art.
-But this is kind of important.
-Go ahead.
Luke and me were wondering if we couId get an advance on our saIary.
Wait a minute.
Excuse me, my man.
That's not my department.
You might have to make it your department.
We don't know if we'II be abIe to come back and drive that truck for you tomorrow without some money.
Let me see what I can do.
You think $100 is gonna be enough? $100 wiII be just fine.
Hey, Art! Art, you in here? Is that you, Enos? What are you doing in here? I thought you were going to decoy that feIIow away from here.
You know something? You're a danged idiot.
That's the most inteIIigent thing you've said since I've met you.
Hush.
You just hush.
You know what we got here? We got enough stuff here for Boss and I to start our own casino.
There's no teIIing how much is in that safe over there.
WiII you stop moaning and groaning? I'm gonna spIit with you just Iike the Boss spIits with me, right down the middIe.
I'm gonna give you 10% of my 25% .
Roger.
-Things are just fine.
-Satisfied? -I toId you it'd check out.
-Just routine, sir.
Where you been? You are supposed to be watching the truck.
The IocaI fuzz wanted to check me out.
Everything okay here? It wiII be as soon as you put these chains on.
Did you hear that? We can get trapped in here.
We'II have to make a break for it.
You go first.
You know, if there's one thing I hate, it's cowards.
AII right, we'II both go first.
On the count of three: One, two, three.
Helen's hoods never even saw who knocked them cold.
How did you beat me here? WiII you stop using them dumb sounds and taIk reguIar EngIish? Just 'cause this plan failed that don't mean that Luke ain't got another way to get Dewey's money back.
But it's gonna take a real expert to pull this one off.
GambIe? Are you asking me to.
Never.
But aII those games are crooked, UncIe Jesse.
Maybe if they were honest, Dewey might have won.
Don't you bet on that, IittIe girI.
I know aII there is to know about that, too.
That's just why we need your heIp.
Nobody on that truck couId ever recognize you.
Forget it, Luke.
AII this is nothing but my own doing.
I'II get out of it myseIf, even if I am a durned oId fooI.
You and me have been friends Ionger than I care to remember.
But you gotta understand these boys are asking me to go against everything I ever taught and stood for.
I know, Jesse.
Of course, it couId be you just can't remember how, Jesse.
Remember how.
Boy, before he saw the Iight my granddaddy worked every gambIing boat up and down the Mississippi and he taught me everything he knew whiIe I was stiII just a tad.
Let's just drop it.
It probabIy wouIdn't have worked anyway.
What do you mean, it wouIdn't have worked? It wouId have worked good.
It was a good idea.
You don't beIieve me? Watch this.
Think your oId UncIe Jesse can't handIe cards you got another think coming.
Daisy, where are the cards? Y'all take a good look 'cause we are only going to show this once.
You stiII think it wouIdn't have worked? I guess we'II never know.
I don't want you three to get the idea that I don't know you've been shucking and jiving me for the Iast 10 minutes.
And my answer is stiII.
Maybe just this once.
Somehow l knew he was gonna be on that gambling truck the next day didn't you? -Hurry it up, wiII you, Luke? -I'm aImost finished, aII right? Years ago, somebody said '"The only way to beat a crooked game is to take the crooked part '"and bend it back into shape yourself.
'" That ought to do it.
Come on.
Hop in.
-You sure that IittIe thing's gonna work? -Cooter guaranteed it.
You just fIip this switch on cue and that rouIette wheeI wiII drop Jesse a bundIe.
Take a peek and see if Rosco's stiII bird-dogging us from that window.
WiII do.
What are you doing? Trying to tip him off? He ain't moved.
He's stiII up there.
WhiIe I keep him busy, you keep this rig roIIing -untiI Jesse wins that money back.
-Right.
Speak of the deviI, Iook who's coming.
So you say that Dewey StovaII suggested that you drop by.
Yes, ma'am.
Yancy Peckinpaugh's my name and this here's my traveIing companion, Betty-Lou.
-I'm charmed.
-Honored, I assure you.
Now, you remember, you promised to win me a mink coat, hot cakes.
Where is Mr.
StovaII? He come down with the vapors, I am sorry to say.
But he said that perhaps I couId repIace him as a distributor? You see any probIem? None at aII.
Won't you come right this way, pIease? Where did UncIe Jesse get a Ioad of money Iike that? He didn't.
Under that $100 biII we gave him there ain't nothing but scraps of a maiI-order cataIog.
Oh, boy.
Let's roII.
Boss, they're moving out.
Come on.
Don't you move in too fast, Rosco.
Give the suckers an hour or two to Iose their money before you get them.
That's a big ten-four.
Enos, this is Sheriff Rosco.
Are you standing by? Come on.
Enos standing by as instructed, Sheriff.
Any further orders other than standing by I'II be standing by to hear them.
Over.
You dipstick.
Over.
Cooter, this is Luke.
You read me? Cooter, you there? Come back.
Cooter, come in.
Cooter, it's Luke.
Crazy Cooter coming at you.
TaIk to me, Truck-stop.
Be ready to make the pickup in exactIy five minutes.
Copy that? Check.
ExactIy five minutes.
Give or take a minute, 'cause I ain't got no watch.
Mr.
StovaII, you wait right here.
I'II be back directIy.
Left by the side of the road again.
I guess it's aII part of the pIan.
It'II be a whoIe Iot easier if I'd just puII over to the side and Iet you out.
Can't.
If we make even one stop, they're gonna smeII a rat.
They'II cIose up them games, and we'II be right back where we started.
Thirteen, bIack.
We got a winner here.
-I thought you were gonna pIay poker.
-I am.
But first, I got to buiId up a stake on this here rouIette tabIe.
Here you are.
-Thank you, ma'am.
-No, it's on the house.
-Thank you.
-It's my pIeasure.
-Are you having a nice time? -Sure enough.
This game here with the white baII Iooks pretty interesting.
I do beIieve it's caIIed rouIette.
You wanna give it a go, Big Daddy? I wiII in time, sugar pie.
But first, I gotta feeI the vibrations of the right number.
Where is that damn Cooter? -Enos, you got your ears on? -Yes, Sheriff.
AII right, now, get ready.
'Cause as soon as they come by, we'II be on them Iike a duck on a June bug.
We're gonna be the duck.
Here comes Cooter.
Rosco, you're in for a few surprises.
Anybody here sent for a taxicab? CIimb on it, Cooter.
We onIy got a few minutes.
Give or take a few minutes.
Enos, they just went by.
Now, Iisten, keep Iow, don't Iet them eyebaII you and I'II teII you when to make the move.
I'm gone.
Hey, Boss, this is Rosco.
Me and Enos are right on them.
We're gonna bust them within five minutes.
Over.
You can bust whoever is bustabIe.
Just don't Iose that Ioot.
I'm coming out there.
Come on, Mr.
StovaII.
We'd better cIear out of here whiIe Luke makes things difficuIt for oId Rosco.
AII right, you two, pIease drive more carefuIIy.
Sorry, ma'am.
Luke here aImost hit a jackrabbit.
Luke, I toId you to be more carefuI.
Thank you.
Enos, this is Rosco.
They're turning north hitting the road to Watkins HoIIow.
Now, you head up from the south and we'II catch them between a rock and a hard pIace.
Two beeps.
That's the signaI for me to pIay red.
-How is it going? -Fine, ma'am.
I just think I got the right vibrations for the Iucky number.
Fine, sit right down here, Mr.
Peckinpaugh.
Put your money down, Grandpa.
-Ma'am.
-I'm with him.
Eighteen.
Red.
Say, this is an interesting game.
Now, in case you're wondering what's going on so am l.
Friends and neighbors, don't go sticking no fork in it 'cause it ain't done yet.
AII right, Luke.
Where are you hiding that gambIing truck? What are you taIking about, Rosco? I ain't seen no.
Have you seen any gambIing truck? Not since it Ieft the HoteI MetropoIe.
There you are, Sheriff.
I'm as cIean as you and Boss are dirty.
Of course, you can Iook in the gIove compartment.
Hush, don't you backtaIk me.
I know I was foIIowing that truck and it didn't pass Enos and that onIy means one thing.
-It turned off on-- -WiIIow Road.
I want you to go back and cut them off -at Yuchee Crossing on WiIIow Road.
-Yes, sir.
What Yuchee Ridge Crossing is that, Sheriff? How many Yuchee Ridge Crossings are there on WiIIow Road, you jackass? That one.
Me first.
I'm the Sheriff.
So much for PIan A.
Let's see if PIan B works.
Two Iong, and one short.
That means doubIe it up.
I think I'II just doubIe up a bet on the bIack.
Mr.
Peckinpaugh, I am terribIy sorry.
Excuse me, Artie.
I am sorry, Mr.
Peckinpaugh.
But I noticed that the wheeI is running a IittIe ragged.
I wouIdn't want you to risk any more money on it.
But there is an opening at the poker tabIe.
Yes, there is.
And you're just in time.
WeII, thank you.
You know I haven't pIayed poker in a Iong time.
What say we give that a try, honey bun.
They ought to be at Yuchee Ridge Crossing in about ten minutes, Boss.
This is going to be the biggest arrest of my career.
It wiII be the Iast arrest of your career if anything happens to that gambIing equipment and aII that Ioot.
All of it.
Did you hear that? We can't make it to Yuchee Ridge Crossing before the Iaw.
It must be 15 miIes from here.
Not as the crow fIies, or the GeneraI.
Hang on.
Helen had a real nice place picked out for Jesse.
Right between the crooked dealer and the house shill.
And for them that don't know it the shill is a key person in a rigged game.
l sure hope old Jesse ain't biting off more than he can chew.
I'm no good at deaIing.
Just cut, my man.
Here we go.
Most folks would say old Jesse was doing pretty good.
lt ain't often a man gets an ace-high full house dealt to him right off.
I'II open for $200.
I'II see you and bump you $200.
Looks Iike it's just you and me Ieft.
Seeing as how I think you're bIuffing, IittIe girI why don't we just go aII the way right now and pIay tabIe stakes to the draw, huh? -How much you got there? -$1,500.
Put her in.
There ain't no way a good poker player will break up an ace-high full house.
So if Jesse stands pat the next two cards will wind up in the hands of the shill.
Cards, my man? I reaIIy shouId stand pat.
But I aIways pIay my hunches.
So I'II take two cards.
I hate to see you make a mistake, Mr.
P.
Are you sure you read your cards right? I'm positive, ma'am.
Vibrations, you know.
So why don't you just deaI? Two cards.
How many cards you want, miss? Three.
Three cards.
Let's see them.
Pair of tens to the ace.
Now, ain't it a good thing that I drew these two cards? That way, if you'd got them your four tens wouId have beaten my aces fuII house.
Danged if old Jesse didn't fool everybody.
Only thing is, the Dukes are still a long way from being out of trouble.
Oh, my hot cakes did it, didn't he? Freeze.
Get them up.
Enos, not you, you dipstick.
I finaIIy got you both.
I knew I'd get you and I got you.
Enos, watch him.
Get those peopIe out of that truck.
You criminaIIy attack my car.
Rosco, how dare you Ieave your car right where I'm going? I'm sorry about that, Boss.
I'm gIad you're here.
You're just in time.
Come on.
AII right, everybody out of there.
Just watch your step.
I don't want any of you innocent peopIe.
It's just the ones that run this gambIing estabIishment that I want.
I want you aII and the money.
What money? Those two cIeaned us out.
It don't make no difference.
You don't need it where you're going.
-Oh, reaIIy? -Hush.
Get them out of here.
AII right, where is the money, Duke? Oh, in your purse? If you don't mind, Miss Daisy Duke, I'II just take that as evidence.
This isn't evidence.
It's winnings.
We won it fair and square.
We'II be the.
UncIe Jesse, catch.
Luke, where the heII are you? Give me the hat.
Boss, did you hurt anything important? Look on the bright side of it.
We got aII that gambIing equipment, and we can put Bo back in jaiI.
I wouIdn't bet on that, Rosco.
Before we Ieft the house, we caIIed the State PoIice -and toId them what we were up to.
-That's right.
I even toId them it was Boss's idea for Luke and me to drive the truck.
That way, you'd know exactIy where we were.
So the boys are off the hook, the State gets the equipment and Boss gets aII the credit.
Credit? What good is that kind of credit? You can't eat it.
You can't drink it.
You can't even spIit it.
I ought to get something for aII my troubIe.
I guess you'II just have to settIe for a token of our appreciation.
Here you are, Mr.
StovaII.
Just across the county Iine where aII your money is safe from Rosco.
-You want me to heIp you out? -HeIp me out? I've been cIimbing in and out of car windows before you were born.
I sure want to thank you.
Yesterday, at this time, I was just about to Iose everything.
Now, thanks to you Dukes and Cooter here, I got me a second chance.
You quit gambIing? You've got to be crazy.
I haven't had so much fun in years.
They are opening a new pIace right here in Choctaw with a straight wheeI and no marked decks.
Why, with what I've Iearnt today, I figure I can whup my every dime.
Now, you feIIas take care.
I'II see you again soon.
Bye, now.
Thanks.
Good Iuck to you, Mr.
StovaII.
So Iong.
Take care of yourseIf.
That's the legend of the rolling casino of Hazzard.
And how Bo and Luke Duke helped an old friend out of a tight fix.
And how, after all these years old Jesse used some talent that not many folks knew he had.
Of course, there ain't nothing the Dukes of Hazzard do that surprises me.
EngIish