The Garfield Show (2008) s01e12 Episode Script

1
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[worm squeaking]
[bird shrieks]
-[horn blares]
-[worm coughs]
Ahh! Smell that country air, boys.
Wasn't it a great idea to spend a week
- with my brother on the farm?
- No.
- Isn't it good to get away from the TV?
- No.
And won't it be great to get up
at the crack of dawn and do chores?
No, no and no.
And in that order.
Yeah! Seven days of no TV,
no pizza delivery
and Jon calling his brother
a name he doesn't like.
"Don't call me Doc Boy!
Don't call me Doc Boy!"
Don't call me Doc Boy!
Don't call me Doc Boy!
Doc Boy, Doc Boy, Doc Boy!
Told ya.
You'll like working here on the farm, Jon.
It's a very efficient operation.
That's my farmhand, Ralph.
- How's it going, Ralph?
- Fine, Mr. Arbuckle.
I'm just about to go commence
to milking the cows.
Later on, Ralph will collect the eggs
that my chickens have laid today.
They are all very productive.
- Sure looks that way, Doc Boy.
- Don't call me "Doc Boy."
And later, he or I will milk the cows.
I sell the milk, the eggs, the crops
at the local farmer's market.
It's going to be fun to work here,
Doc Boy.
Don't call me "Doc Boy."
Mmm!
[gulp]
[yips]
You are way too happy to be here, Odie.
I'm gonna start the milking, Mr. Arbuckle,
but I wanted to ask you about something.
We got this ad here,
it says, "High definition cable TV.
Two hundred and fifty channels
of movie, sports, music,
programs like Super Millionaire,
Name That Fish and"
Forget about it.
We've decided not to have TV on this farm.
No TV. That's inhumane.
There are some good things on TV.
Maybe, but we took a vote.
I let all the animals vote
and we all decided.
No TV on this farm.
Do you want TV here, ladies?
[cows] Moo!
Well, what do a bunch of cows know?
Just thought I'd ask.
It's settled. No TV on this farm.
Come on, Jon.
You can go with me into town
to pick up supplies.
Fine with me, Doc Boy.
Garfield, you and Odie
can do the chores while we're gone.
I made up a short list.
Chores? Is that anything like work?
Oh, and before I forget, Jon,
don't call me "Doc Boy"!
[Jon] Doc Boy, Doc Boy, Doc Boy!
We have an awful lot of things to do, Ode.
We better get to work.
First off, there is raking the leaves.
Then we got to wash the windows
in the barn.
Then we have to pile up the firewood.
Missed a spot.
[Odie] Hmm? Oh!
Gee, all my favorite shows are on
and I'm missing them.
[Odie mumbling]
I know, I know. They voted.
Well then, we'll just
have to demand a recount.
- Huh?
- You know, chads.
-[Ralph] This here is how you get milk.
-[cow moos]
Wouldn't it be easier
to go down to the supermarket?
They have a whole
refrigerator case of this stuff.
How's about if you give it a try, cat?
-[toy horn squeaks]
-This is a strange way to get milk.
-Excuse the claws, ma'am. Aaah!
-[cow moos]
[Garfield sighs]
[snickers]
-Oh, you think that's funny, do you?
-Aaah!
[slurping]
Mmm!
[gurgling]
[sighs]
Sorry.
I'm just bored because there's no TV
to watch on this farm.
TV? What's so great about TV?
What's so great?
You can see the world without having
to actually get up and do something.
Look at all these great channels,
like the All Hopscotch Network.
And over here
is special programming for cows.
[cow] "A cooking show with recipes for
the most delicious cud you ever chewed."
Oh, tell me more.
Oh, everything on TV is so great.
[cow] Do you think we'll get TV soon?
[Garfield] I'm working on it.
Next up, we have to convince
the chickens, then the horses.
[chicks peeping]
[clucking]
-[rock music playing]
-[crowd roaring]
Yeah!
-[war drums beating]
-[Garfield chanting]
[laughing]
[horse neighs]
[neighing]
[roaring]
Good afternoon, I'm Walter Turkeybaster
with the news for puppy dogs.
[neighing]
[laughing]
- We must be close to your farm, Doc Boy.
- We are. And don't call me "Doc Boy."
[Jon] Doc Boy, Doc Boy, Doc Boy!
Hey, that truck's
from the cable TV company.
- I thought you weren't going to order it.
- That's what I thought, too.
All hooked up, sir.
I didn't order cable TV.
Your farmhand did.
He called, and I got here
before the pizza delivery guy.
- Pizza?
- Buongiorno!
I came all the way from the city,
many miles, to bring you Vito's fine pies,
as ordered, Doc Boy!
I've got to get to the bottom of this.
Don't you call me "Doc Boy," either.
so the secret of good, chewable cud
is to start with a top-grade grass
and weeds.
Avoid, you know,
burs or stickers at all costs.
What are you all doing?
You should be giving milk.
[cows] Shh!
My cows aren't giving milk. But it's okay.
My chickens have been laying
lots of eggs lately.
How's the egg production going?
[chickens] Shh!
My chickens aren't laying eggs.
But at least
my horses aren't lying around
watching TV and eating pizza.
How much do you wanna bet?
[horses whinnying]
What are you doing?
[horses] Shh!
No one's doing any work.
I have to find out who's responsible.
I have a feeling I know.
[man] And now, Mrs. Edna Flurp,
for one million dollars,
can you name that fish?
Looks like Herbert to me.
You know, this living on a farm
isn't so bad now.
-[door opens]
-My cows are watching TV and eating pizza!
My chickens are watching TV
and eating pizza!
Even my horses are watching TV
and eating pizza!
And do you know what they said to me?
[all] Shh!
I'm ruined!
My farm will be out of business.
- I'm sorry, Doc.
- I poured my life into this farm and
Doc. You called me Doc.
Yeah, I guess I did.
Here comes the mushy part.
Do you know how long it's been
since you called me Doc
- instead of "Doc Boy"?
- A while.
[TV audience] Aww!
I'm sorry, Mrs. Flurp.
The name of the fish
you couldn't identify was Herbert.
Told ya.
And now we're dialing a phone number
selected completely at random
to see if some lucky viewer at home
can name this fish!
It's a freshwater
silver-crusted mango trout.
I know my fish.
If the person we call is watching
and can name this fish,
he or she will win $100,000.
Don't get your hopes up.
The odds are a zillion to one
against them calling here.
[telephone rings]
Then again
- Hello?
- Sir! Are you watching Name That Fish?
No, I don't watch TV.
Oh, yes, I guess I am watching.
Super! Then for $100,000,
can you name that fish?
[suspenseful chimes playing]
[clock ticking]
-[gong sounds]
-Sure.
Freshwater silver-crusted
mango trout. Why?
That is correct!
That is absolutely correct!
You win $100,000!
Doc! Are you okay?
I'm right sorry about ruining your farm
the way I did, sir.
Who needs farming? I'm rich! I'm rich!
I'm sort of rich. I'm rich enough!
Follow that man, Odie.
He's rich! He's rich!
He's sort of rich.
[TV cow mooing]
[livestock snorting]
[peeping]
The big-screen TV, all the pizza,
paid vacations for your animals,
your prize money will eventually run out.
When it runs out, I'll go back to farming.
Everything will be in reruns anyway.
Good pizza they have out here!
Okay.
[sighs]
[Garfield snoring]
Garfield! Garfield!
-Garfield!
-Yaaaaaa!
[thud!]
Oh, it's you, Nermal.
I thought it might be somebody.
Just thought you'd like to know,
I'm being entered
in a big pet show contest.
- Not particularly.
- Oh, don't be jealous, Garfield.
It's not your fault
that I'm adorable and you're not.
- You don't even know any tricks.
- Sure, I know a trick. Wanna see a trick?
[Nermal screams]
-[crash!]
-[Nermal] Ohh!
It's called the "Hurl the obnoxious kitten
out of the yard
and have him land
in a trash dumpster" trick.
Don't I do it well?
All right, Garfield.
Just for that, I'm not sharing
the lasagna with you.
Lasagna? What lasagna? Where's lasagna?
First prize in the pet show
is 100 pounds of Vito's lasagna.
A three-day supply of Vito's lasagna?
Where do I sign up?
[laughs] No chance, Garfield.
You're not cute enough
to be entered into the pet show.
All the judges will just laugh at you.
Oh yeah? We'll see about that.
[judges laughing]
Boy, do I hate it when Nermal's right.
-[Garfield sighs]
-[Odie whimpers]
Didn't make it, Garfield? I'm sorry.
I guess the judges and I are even.
I don't think they're so cute, either.
It's okay, Odie.
Mr. Arbuckle,
I'm sorry we had to reject your cat
but he's just so un-cute.
Well, you're no
Miss Super Model yourself, fella.
[gasps]
- Is that your dog?
- Sure. His name is Odie.
This is the cutest dog I've seen
in 20 years of judging pet shows.
You must enter him in the contest.
Huh?
Do it, Odester!
I'll be your manager,
and if you win, we'll split the prize.
- "Rearry"?
- Rearry.
-[Odie yips]
-Note. I did not say "equally."
[yelping]
- My dog seems to wanna be in the contest.
- Excellent.
I'll go fill out the paperwork.
That means we have 83 contestants.
Eighty-three contestants?
How's Odie gonna win
all that lasagna for me
against 82 other contestants?
I'll have to do something
to narrow the odds a bit.
Hey, Garfield.
Soon as I heard first prize was lasagna,
I knew you'd be in this contest.
Not me. Not for that lasagna.
I thought you loved Vito's lasagna.
Not anymore.
Not since Vito started making it healthy.
Healthy lasagna?
Ain't that a contradiction?
He makes it out of soy and tofu
and then he throws in some tofu and soy.
Sounds awful.
It's lasagna I won't eat.
That oughta tell you plenty.
I'm going to the other pet show
on the east side of town.
They have real delicious lasagna
as the prize.
Hey, if that's where the great prize is,
that's where I'm going.
One down, 81 to go.
Really? On the east side of town?
Would I mislead you?
Well, you always know
where the good lasagna is, Garfield.
Always.
[dogs barking]
Ahem. Seventy-nine, 80, 81
Oh, I missed one.
[emcee] Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please?
We seem to have lost
most of our contestants.
Gee, I wonder where they all went.
We only have two: Odie the Dog
[applause]
and Nermal the Cat.
-[applause]
-Nermal! That's the one I missed.
Our two contestants
will compete in several events
to determine the winner,
starting with the cuteness competition.
I know you're rooting for Odie, Garfield.
But there's no way anyone's going
to beat Nermal in a cuteness competition.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
First, the judges will score Odie
with regard to cuteness.
[audience] Oh! Oooh!
Ahhh!
Whoa!
[applause]
I love a good intellectual competition.
Well, let's see how the judges
have scored Odie.
Odie gets an eight, a nine, and a ten,
for a total of 27 points!
And now we'll test
the cuteness of Nermal.
And now we'll put cotton into Odie's ears.
Here's where I take an early lead.
I do cute better than anybody.
[all] Whoa!
Awww!
Meow!
-[purrs]
-Awwww!
Observe what happens when you rub claws
on the average blackboard.
-[claws screeching]
-[audience] Ewwwww!
And in the cuteness competition,
the judges give Nermal a one,
-a zero, and a minus-three!
-[buzzer sounds]
I can't believe it.
You're almost as un-cute as that fat
orange cat that applied earlier.
In any case, Odie has won the first event!
[applause]
The lasagna prize will be mine.
Well, mine and Odie's. But mostly mine.
We can't possibly lose.
The next event
will be based on intelligence.
Boy, can we lose.
The object of this competition
is to find two matching items in the pile.
Oh, my
Nermal will go first.
On your mark, get set, go!
Ahh!
-Yay!
-[applause]
And Nermal finds one slipper
and then its match in seven seconds.
-[applause]
-Let's see you top that, dog.
[Odie yips]
All right, boy.
Go select an item from the pile.
A slipper, okay.
Now, go pick another slipper
out of the pile.
No, that's a baseball mitt.
We need a slipper.
No, that's a flashlight. Get a slipper.
No, that's an eight-by-ten glossy
of Elvis Presley!
We need a slipper! A slipper!
[bell tolling hour]
No, that would be the Klopman Diamond.
I'm sorry, Odie has brought you
every item in the building
except the matching slipper.
Nermal wins this event, tying the score.
[applause]
Odie, why can't you just
bring me a slipper?
Even you're not that stupid.
Why can't you understand me?
The contest will be settled
by the final event,
the obstacle course!
Everyone, step outside!
The pet who reaches the end
of this obstacle course first
will win the competition
and this piping-hot lasagna
from the master Italian chef Vito!
[audience cheers]
Pets, ready? On your mark, get set, go!
[horn honks]
[bird chirping]
[panting]
[laughing]
-[gasps]
-[clang!]
[laughing]
Whoa!
[crowd cheering]
[whimpering]
-Huh?
-[audience] Oh!
-Huh?
-[crash!]
-[audience cheering]
-[Odie] Oww!
Nermal's nearing the finish line.
Face it, Garfield. Odie's lost.
I'm not giving up that lasagna
without a fight.
And Nermal's heading for the finish line.
Looks like this one
is just about over, folks.
One more photo, Nermal!
My public!
What's this?
Nermal's stopped just short
of the finish line for a photo-op!
[Garfield] Just one more!
Now smile this way!
One more photo, Nermal!
Now, your good side!
Now, your other good side!
[emcee] Now what's happening?
Odie has come from behind
and is heading for the finish line.
-And Odie's the winner!
-[audience cheering]
Hey, what's everybody cheering about?
I didn't win yet!
And it looks like
it's gonna stay that way.
[sighs]
Hey! Nice job, Odie. You're a champion!
[Odie, chuckling] Aww!
Enjoy your lasagna prize, fellas.
Oh, and, Garfield, Odie won the contest.
So divide it up fairly.
[gasps] Did you think I wouldn't?
Did you think I would cheat someone
out of their fair share of lasagna?
Odie gets a piece and I get a piece.
What could be fairer than that?
Here's your one piece.
[Odie] Huh?
And here's my one piece.
I won't eat it all now.
I'll eat some now
and some in eight minutes.
Nothing will prevent me
from enjoying this.
[dogs snarling]
There was no pet show
on the east side of town.
What? No pet show
on the east side of town?
Wait till I get my paws on that evil liar
who told me that.
[Harry] We walked all the way over there
and back, and now we're hungry.
What do you say to that?
Care for some lasagna?
Thanks. I thought you'd never offer.
[snarling]
-[Garfield panting]
-[dogs barking]