The Proud Family (2001) s01e12 Episode Script

Zoey, when we get done with you
you are going to
look so fabulous.
Yeah, girl, once you put this on
you're going be the bomb diggity.
I don't know; I'm more
of the hot diggity dog type.
No, you're more of
the corn dog type.
Well, how do I look?
Like a scarecrow.
Yeah. Baby don't
exactly got back.
I knew this wouldn't work.
Look, we just need to
make a few adjustments.
Come on, girls,
we're going back in.
I think we've done it, ladies.
You're going to be
turning down guys
like mad at the school dance.
Yeah, all the boys are
going to be sweating you
except my man sticky, of course.
Check it out.
Well, I I look like you guys.
Which means there are
three words to describe you.
Fa-bu-lous!
He-e-ey!
The Proud family ♪
what? ♪
you and me will always be tight ♪
family, every
single day and night ♪
even when you
start acting like a fool ♪
you know I'm loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
and every day as I'm
heading off to school ♪
you know there's no
one I love as much as you ♪
family, a family ♪
Proud family ♪
they'll make you scream ♪
they'll make
you want to sing ♪
it's a family
thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud family ♪
the Proud family ♪
they'll push your buttons ♪
and make you
want to hug them ♪
family, a family,
Proud, Proud family. ♪
Good morning, Mama.
Good morning, son.
Bebe, Cece. Mm.
What about Puff? You're
not gonna kiss him?
- Mama
- He's got feelings.
He's gonna think
you don't like him.
He doesn't like me.
Okay, okay.
Morning, Puff.
- Morning, everybody.
- Good morning, baby.
Oscar, a may I yay eaks pay
otay inyay ethay itchen Kay?
What did you just say?
She said meet
her in the kitchen.
Trudy, the boy barely
understands English
and you're throwing
pig Latin at him.
Go on. I ain't listenin'.
What's so hush-hush?
You aren't pregnant, are you?
No, Oscar.
It's time for the twins to get
their pictures taken again.
Why are you telling me?
Tell Suga Mama;
She did it last time.
I know. How could I forget?
Ew.
Although that was a
nice picture of a foot.
I made an appointment with
a professional photographer.
Come on, Trudy,
those guys are a rip-off.
For once, Oscar is making sense.
Why go spend all that money
when I can do the pictures for free?
Puff, go get my bag.
Now y'all stand over
here behind the babies.
I'm gonna do a family portrait.
Now, I've got my
equipment right here.
Hi, y'all!
Bye, y'all.
Wh-what? Penny,
Penny, get over here.
That's okay, Suga Mama.
I really have to get to school.
If we got to take this picture
you got to take this picture.
Get over here.
Puff, get the
background and my fork.
There that's it.
Now, on the count of three
everybody say fish and grits.
One two Three. Oh!
Where did everybody go?
Hey, Lacienega, what's up?
Hey.
What's wrong with you?
It's her Little miss Zo-esha.
Stop playa-hating, Lacienega.
Yeah, you can't have
every boy to yourself.
Wait a minute.
Is that sticky over there?
I'm gonna bounce her
fake-behind up out of here.
Hey, guys, this makeover
thing isn't working.
You got that right,
because the next thing
you're gonna have made over
Dijonay, quit trippin'.
Zoey wasn't hitting on sticky.
Tell her, Zoey.
No, Dijonay!
I would never try to
take sticky from you.
Hey, z, when you
get tired of hanging out
with all these little
boys, holler at a brother.
Let me at her!
Dee!
Look, Dee, I'm not interested
in sticky or any of those boys.
It's Sergei I'm interested in.
The Russian transfer student?
Yeah.
Isn't he dreamy?
I don't know.
The brother could use
a blow-dry and a comb.
Uh-oh, he's coming this
way, Zoey! Say something!
Why didn't you say anything?
Because there are no
words to describe how I feel.
Homegirl is sprung.
Oh, no.
Look what just
sprung out of detention.
Proud, I've been
looking for you.
Don't even think
about it, Nubia.
I brought my lunch
today. Want some?
I'm not interested in your
pennies or your Penny-ante lunch.
I need you to do something.
I am not doing your homework.
Girl, please.
The Chang triplets do that.
I need a makeover from you.
You want a makeover?
Do I look like I
need a makeover?
Uh no.
It's for Olei.
Olei?
Oh, she doesn't need a makeover.
D-Does she, guys?
No. She's got style.
Yeah, she's got
roughneck appeal.
Are you guys blind?
She definitely needs to be
Oh! She's, uh, one of a kind.
Yeah, she's al'ight.
We saw what you did for Zoey.
So, I figured if you
could do that with a twig
imagine what you could
do with a mighty oak like Olei.
So, what do you say, Proud?
Uh, why does Olei
want a makeover?
She wants to look
cute for the dance
so the boys will
throw her some vibe.
- You know what I'm saying?
- Just asking.
She's all yours.
Um, and, by the way, Proud
if she ain't pretty,
you won't be, either.
Well, guys, I guess we've
got our work cut out for us.
Guys?
Mrs. Proud!
- Right this way.
- Let me handle this, Trudy.
These guys are pros at
scamming people like you.
Look, all I'm interested in
is top-quality,
professional photographs.
Come on, Trudy,
those guys are a rip-off.
Don't worry, Mrs. Proud.
I only do top-quality work.
Shall we do this?
Okay, you little brats,
smile for the camera.
Oh, Oscar, make them
smile. Do your chicken dance.
Trudy, I don't do that.
That's Suga Mama's thing.
I don't care.
I want a picture of
my babies smiling.
Now do the chicken dance!
Okay, babies, look at daddy.
Do the chicken thing ♪
do the chicken thing! ♪
That's it! I've got it.
Great.
Have you ever
considered show business?
Yeah. I meant your kids.
With those smiles
they have huge
commercial potential.
Oh, thank you, but
we're not interested
in show business for our kids.
Hold on, Trudy. You really think
my babies can get a commercial?
Are you kidding?
In fact, I know of a
commercial audition tomorrow.
They'd be perfect for it.
I can get you in.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I forgot.
Unfortunately, you
need an 8x10 head shot
a two shot, a full-body shot
all in color and
black-and-white and 3-d.
You know, the works.
It's very expensive.
Pay the man,
Oscar, and let's go.
Trudy, I'm talking
business, okay?
Excuse us a minute, okay?
Oscar, you are doing exactly
what you didn't want me to do.
You're crazy to spend all
that money on some pictures.
We'll see who's crazy when
the twins start bringing in millions.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've
got an empire to build and fleece.
Now, where were we?
Hey, guys, I've been
looking all over for you.
We've got work to do.
No. We've got pizza to eat.
What about Olei?
What about her? Nubia
talked to you, not us.
Zoey, I know you'll help me.
The old Zoey would have
but the new, popular and
shallow Zoey could care less.
Okay, I didn't want
it to come to this
but I can make you help me.
The only thing you're
making us do is laugh.
Now, do y'all want
to explain to Olei
why y'all don't want to
help me with her makeover?
Uh-uh.
Is that because you're
going to help me?
Mm-hmm.
And do whatever you can
to make Olei the
best-looking girl at school?
Mm-hmm.
Now give me your lunch money.
Just kidding.
Let's go. We've
got beauty to make.
I love this!
Sometimes I comb my
hair and sometimes I won't ♪
depend on how the wind
blows, I might even paint my toes ♪
it really just depends on ♪
whatever feels
good in my soul ♪
I'm not the average
girl from your video ♪
and I ain't built
like a supermodel ♪
but I learned to love
myself unconditionally ♪
because I am a queen ♪
I'm not the average
girl from your video ♪
my worth ain't ♪
Ladies and babies,
I present to you
miss cafe Olei!
- Heeeey!
- because I am a queen ♪
because I am a queen ♪
Wow, she looks great!
How do you like it, Olei?
We did it!
I think she likes it.
Olei better look good, Proud
or you and your girls are going
to need these blindfolds next.
Don't worry. We hooked her up.
Yeah, you're not even
going to recognize her.
You jacked her up!
She looks great! What
are you talking about?
Just what I said.
She's not going to get
any play looking like that.
All right, Proud,
put on that blindfold.
Uh, why don't
we put it to a test?
What kind of test?
Uh, the mall test.
We take Olei to the mall and if
the boys react like well, like boys
then she's a smash.
If they don't, feel
free to smash Penny.
All right, okay, I'm down
but if it doesn't work,
I'm getting all of y'all.
Oh, man!
Sounds good to me.
Okay, this is the deal.
If the boys aren't all
over Olei in one minute
I'm all over you.
Go ahead, Olei.
You know, I came to y'all
and I trusted you, and
now because of you
my little sister's about
to get her feelings hurt.
- Dang, you look good!
- Check her out!
You're welcome.
I didn't say, "thank you."
But you should have.
I'm still not too sure
about this, Oscar.
I think it's a little too
much for the twins.
What are you talking about?
This audition could be
Bebe and Cece's big break.
This is the only reason to have
twins to put them in show business.
You don't see twin doctors,
twin lawyers, twin astronauts
but twins are all over TV
The Olsen girls, the
sister, sister sisters
the Patty Duke show.
I wonder whatever
happened to her twin?
While you ponder that thought
I'm going to sign our twins in.
You do that. I'm going to read up
on how to make it in show business.
What is that you're reading,
show business for dummies?
What are you doing here?
Oh, I get it.
This is a cattle call
for ugly babies, huh?
I think we have a winner.
Your attempt at humor like the
diaper I'm wearing, is beneath me.
If you must know
I'm the most prolific
infant actor in the business.
I've been doing commercials
since I was five days old.
I cry in six
different languages.
That's five and a half
more than you'll ever know.
I'm the baby to beat, buster.
Oh, really?
Wouldn't it be a shame
if, for some strange reason
you didn't make
it to the audition?
Where are you taking me?
You'll know when you get there.
Oscar, Oscar,
you won't believe it!
The producers saw the twins
and hired them right on the spot.
Hear that, Rudolf?
You lost to my kids.
You're an 11-month-old has-been.
Oscar, who are you talking to?
This little trouble making
baby over here.
Go ahead, let me see
you. Mouth off to her.
Goo-goo, ga-ga.
I tell you, Trudy, he can talk!
He's been doing commercials
since he was five days old!
- He can cry in six different languages.
- Look, baby, I'll drive home.
You just rest.
No, wait a minute,
baby! I'm not crazy!
I'm telling you the truth!
Trudy!
All right, six eyes,
where's our homework?
And what if we didn't do it?
Then you'll have to answer
to me and my big sister.
It's not your fault, Gina.
You collect, I intimidate
and Olei's the muscle.
It's been like that since
we were six months old.
Without her, we're just
bullies without the bull.
It's time to flip the script.
Let's roll.
Okay, Olei, you
got your makeover.
Now it's time to get back
to the family business.
Wait a minute.
You can't just barge
in here and kidnap Olei.
She's having a
good time with us.
Look, j.J., the
good times are over.
It's time for you to
change her back, now.
Well, she doesn't
want to change back.
I think I know her a little
better than you, Proud
and she wants to be
with her sisters now.
Now change her back.
Well, I think she'd rather
be with her girls now.
Girl, are you deaf?
I said change her back.
No, I hear you, and I smell you.
Why don't you
just step off, Nubia?
Ooh, you about to
wish you never said that.
Oh, yeah? What are you and
pip-squeak going to do about it?
Yeah, what are you going to do?
Olei, are you just
going to sit there
and let these girls
talk trash to us?
Oh, I see what time it is.
You done let that little
hairdo get to your head.
All right, cool.
But let me remind you you're
going to be a gross sister for life.
Let's go, Gina.
We stood up to
the gross sisters!
Everyone but you, Olei.
- We cool, right?
- It's okay.
Nubia doesn't speak
for Olei anymore.
She's part of our crew now.
Penny, can I talk
to you for a second?
What's up, Zoe?
Well, it's just that
you seem to be doing
the same thing to
Olei that Nubia was.
What do you mean?
You talk and homegirl
just stands there.
She's shy besides, I'm
just trying to keep that Nubia
from running over
her and defining her
and the only way I
can do that is to get her
to stand up to
Nubia just like I did
Okay, I see your point.
Look, Olei, I was doing
a lot of talking just then
but you can't live
your life according to
what I say or what
your sister says.
You need to be your own woman.
If you like the new
you, that's great
but if you want to go back to hanging
with your sisters, that's cool, too.
It's your decision.
I got something for you.
No big deal. It's just
a friendship bracelet.
Okay, okay, enough love.
See you tomorrow
afternoon at the dance.
Remember, be who you want to be!
Don't worry, Penny.
You did the right thing.
I hope so.
Wow, this is impressive.
I've got to admit,
Oscar, I was wrong.
This was a good idea.
Ooh, a buffet!
Ah, excellent! The
babies have arrived.
Hello, I'm the director,
and you must be
The limo driver?
No, I am the babies' daddy.
I would have never
guessed. Never.
Oh, my! The children!
They are a mess!
Nigel, get these babies in
hair and makeup immediately!
This is such a thrill!
We are so excited
to be doing this.
Look, pal, I've got a few problems
with these contracts you sent over.
First of all, I don't see
anything about video rights.
It's a commercial.
It won't be on video.
And another thing
They do not do nudity.
It's non-negotiable.
This is a diaper commercial.
They have to be nude or
we'll get somebody else.
Hey, don't get me wrong.
They'll sing "Dixie"
butt-naked if they have to.
I just want you
to know it isn't me.
The mother can be difficult
but I'm in the process
of getting her replaced.
Right, if you would excuse
me, I have work to do.
What do you think you're doing?
We can't let these people
push us around, Trudy!
Oscar, will you please
just stay out of trouble?
Oh, no, don't tell me that
man is playing the twins' father.
He doesn't even look like them.
Excuse me.
What now?
I don't mean to criticize,
but the log who's playing the
babies' daddy it ain't working.
He's a stand-in.
No, he's a stiff. The children would
give a much better performance
if they're working with
someone they comfortable with.
Gee, like maybe you?
Oscar, please, let
the man do his job.
Oh, no, this is too much.
Cut, cut, cut!
We're not rolling;
We're rehearsing.
Why are my babies crying?
It's in the script, and
we pinched them.
Okay, you know what? That's it.
I'm taking over from here.
The twins are used to
taking my direction anyway.
How are you at taking
direction, Mr. Proud?
Now that you mention it
I have quite a
bit of experience.
Excellent.
Then here's what
I want you to do:
Wave to the camera
That's it, wave
and get off my set!
Isn't this dance the bomb?
- Best one ever.
- But no one is dancing.
That's because the
cool boys don't dance
which means cool girls
like us don't dance either.
So I let you guys
paint, pluck and stuff me
just so I couldn't dance?
What's wrong, Penny?
I just can't believe
Olei isn't here yet.
I was so sure we
made a change in her
but I guess I was wrong.
You did your best.
Hey!
Come on, sticky!
There's no more boys left!
Hey, guys.
Wasn't the dance great?
Zoey, what happened to you?
Yeah, you turned
back into a pumpkin.
Well, Sergei said he
liked me the way I was
and that when I changed I became just
another superficial, shallow, bourgeois
capitalist, American, fly girl.
Not that there's anything wrong
with you guys being that way.
I mean, you know, fly.
Hey, Nubia, what's up?
Don't "what's up" me.
I know you got your
allowance yesterday, Proud.
- You know the drill.
- Nubia, I thought we made it clear
that we are not intimidated by
you and lucky charms over there.
Oh, yeah? Maybe this
might change your mind.
Olei? What happened?
That buster Omar wouldn't pay
for Olei's dinner after the dance.
Said he didn't want to pay
for more than five hot dogs.
What a cheapskate.
Now that they've split
up, Olei's heartbroken.
She don't feel like
dressing up anymore.
She just want to hurt people.
Now give us the money.
I guess some things
never change, huh, Penny?
Maybe, maybe not.
Come on, everybody! It's
going to be on any minute!
Are you sure you really
want to watch this, Oscar?
Are you kidding? My
babies' big debut? Of course!
I don't understand why
you're not more excited.
Oh, honey, it's
just a commercial.
Here it is!
Here they are, daddy's
little moneymakers.
I mean, stars.
Wait a minute Who's
that playing their mother?
Trudy!?
The director liked the way
the babies responded to me.
Why didn't you tell me?
It just didn't come up.
Suga Mama?
They wanted to put a little
sex appeal in the commercial.
For who, the dead?
They don't have
TVs in the graveyard!
Puff?
They really didn't want him.
They just wanted to keep him
from licking on that buffet table.
I can't believe it.
They used everybody
but me and Penny.
Penny!
She wasn't even there!
Oh, they sent a limo for me.
Am I the only one in
the family that's not in it?
Who did they get
to play the dad?
Denzel Washington?
I don't believe it!
The director picked him over me?
Ooh, that'll be Denzel now.
What?!
He's taking the family to lunch.
Lunch on a movie star?
Great. Where we going?
Sorry, honey, it's
the cast family.
No guests, but we'll
tell you all about it later.
Come on, everybody!
Can't keep daddy waiting!
Denzel Washington.
Finally a son a
mother can be Proud of!
Yeah, laugh if you want!
Y'all owe me 95%!