The Sopranos s01e12 Episode Script

Junior, hey.
Jimmy, how you doin', kid? How many of these things we gotta go to? Brendan filone's mother at the kid's funeral, the way she carried on.
Fuckin' manners.
I just want you to know, i always thought you had that right too, you know? Jimmy, let me tell you something.
Don't worry about what i know.
I was just over to tony's house.
Oh, yeah? How was he? He looked, uh, tired.
Maybe he's got hypoglycemia.
- Maybe he's depressed.
- What's he got to be depressed about? He talked to me about it.
- Depression? - Well-- what the fuck do you know about depression? Nothin'.
I'm just sayin', that's all.
But he's sleeping all the time.
He's not taking care of himself.
A lot of top guys had dark moods.
That winston churchill, he drank a quart of brandy before breakfast.
And, uh, napoleon, he was a moody fuck too.
- Am i nuts? - a day at the mall in mules and i'll be crippled for life.
Oh, i told lilliana to put some giambott' in the microwave for when you get up.
Tony, how are you fixed for sweat socks? We're gonna be right by the sports authority.
Tony? Tony, i know you're in there.
I know you hear me.
Will you let me sleep? Does your lady therapist know about this? Maybe you need more medication.
She already got me on lithium and prozac.
What else you want? Aromatherapy, something.
This is not normal, for a healthy adult male to take to bed like this.
I got a lot on my mind.
Really? Well, move over then.
Those indictments are hangin' over my head too.
Plus i got the roots in the pipe to the street.
My best friend pussy has disappeared.
He's probably fuckin' dead, okay? This downturn started long before pussy bompensiero disappeared.
If you want me, i will be at the paramus mall getting your son a suit to wear to his first formal.
Carmela, come on! Sunlight is good for people, tony.
In alaska, they wear these little light hats in the winter so they don't get depressed.
Sorry, junior.
The jackson street bridge was out.
If you say you're gonna be someplace, be someplace.
Sorry.
Junior, you all right? Porkchop boy was here, that fuckin' altieri.
Runnin' his mouth about the brendan filone hit.
Is that what him and my other capos talk about behind my back at the fuckin' old folks home? Well, the meeting's adjourned at the green grove.
Chucky and i spoke to donnie p.
, and the thing, it's happenin' tomorrow.
That quick? Good.
Yeah.
Black guys.
It'll never lead back.
Think they got apisciatoio in this place? Look at her like that.
Mariolina gave me my first hand job-- me and vincent maniscalooo in the alley behind the chicken market.
- Junior.
- God, what am i saying at this poor woman's wake? I just wanted to let you know so you didn't have to worry.
- Everything's taken care of about tony.
- Let's go.
When i was a little kid, no older than that, i always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collect baseball cards.
Thousands of bucks for honus wagner and jack shit for jesus.
It's going down in a newsstand that he goes to by the medical center.
Where he spills his guts on some fuckin' shrink's carpet.
Junior, these guys are very, very good.
Donnie paduana did time with them at rahway.
And i was very specific.
He's not gonna suffer.
He's gonna have an open casket.
I promise.
Enough! I don't wanna hear any more.
Jesus, michael, if i delegate, i delegate.
Is that what time it is? There is absolutely nothing on the street about the big guy, t, anywhere.
I went to see his family.
Angela doesn't know shit, or she deserves an academy fuckin' award.
His goomah either.
I don't wanna hear no more talkin' about pussy.
Mr.
Tony, let me take that robe and wash it for you.
Did i ask you to take the robe? Jimmy altieri was in the bing.
Can't even look him in the face anymore.
If he's wired, it's doing jack shit for the government 'cause all we feed him now is deliberate bullshit till we can-- you know.
Don't do nothin' about jimmy.
I don't even know if he's the guy that flipped.
I don't know nothin' no more.
Pussy probably freaked out and he's lammin' it, that's all.
How many times do i gotta say it? You goin' somewhere, t? You want me to drive you? No.
- I usually drive you.
- I'm goin' downstairs.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna get my pants outta the fuckin' dryer, okay? Hello.
Hi.
Is this yours? I found it in the yard.
Oh, no.
Really? I thought the cusamanos were away.
Yeah, they went in bermuda to play golf.
You're from italy, aren't you? My english is pitiful.
No.
You speak very good.
Your english is better than my italian.
"Principles of oral surgery"? I'm a student.
I'm here as a part of an exchange program between our two countries.
Boy, if my dentist looked like you, i'd stay awake during a root canal.
All right.
I'll, uh-- i'll let you study.
Thank you for bring me-- i don't know how to say in english.
Well, that makes two of us.
Bye.
Remember, they don't want nothin' above the neck.
Whoa.
Doughnuts? No wonder he can't lose weight.
Where's he goin' now? - Yo, sir? Excuse me.
- What? Could you pull forward so we can get out? Give me a minute.
Police department.
Where's your badge? Man, i said move this piece of shit fuckin' now! Get the fuck outta my face.
Shit! We gonna have to waste this motherfucker too? Let soprano get his doughnuts.
We'll pop him when he gets out.
- Where's he goin'? - Let's see if he left his motherfuckin' keys in the car.
Man, this is fucked up.
No.
No.
Jesus.
You make a left at the stop sign.
You must be lookin' straight at us.
What are you, fuckin' ray charles? Jesus christ! How the hell could it not have gone down? I know, junior.
I'm sorry.
Some civilian got in the way.
Donnie will explain it to us.
- He's around the corner.
He got lost.
- I wanted it to be over.
I know.
Junior, mints? We've been standin' around here forever.
You don't think we got better things to do? What the fuck, man? They'll do it fuckin' tomorrow.
My personal guarantee.
Let me tell you something, donnie.
If they don't, some hikers are gonna find your personal guarantee rolled up in a tube and shoved up your ass.
Mike, they got blocked in.
There were witnesses.
Tomorrow.
What did i just say? I already talked to them.
I realize it's urgent.
I hear tony s's own mother wants him popped.
Who the fuck told you that? - It was just a joke, right? - you think that's funny, a guy's own mother? Okay, okay.
Tomorrow.
Fuckin' "a"! All right.
I don't like it.
This fuckin' guy's big mouth.
Nah, he's okay.
I don't like it.
Next he'll be makin' jokes about me.
Chucky, tell him to wait a minute.
Yo, donnie, hold on a minute.
Hey, donnie.
Sorry.
- Are you still taking the lithium? - Lithium, prozac.
When is it gonna end? We're tryin' to give a jolt to your system.
Give it a, uh-- a little kick start.
Why don't you kick me in the fuckin' head? What you're going through is very painful, i know that.
You get stabbed in the ribs, that's painful.
This shit-- i don't feel nothin'.
Nothin'.
Dead.
Empty.
What else? - What? - What were you just thinkin' about then? This gorgeous piece of cus.
It's next door to cusamano's.
She's stayin' there while they're away.
- So you do feel something.
- Don't split hairs with me, 'cause i've had it with you.
Like fuckin' king midas in reverse here.
Everything i touch turns to shit.
I'm not a husband to my wife.
I'm not a father to my kids.
I'm not a friend to my friends.
I'm nothin'.
I don't even know why i come here.
Nothin' else to do, i guess.
Do you think it would help if you went someplace so you could rest up a while? - Oh, you mean like vegas? - No, not vegas.
Someplace where you could be looked after.
Like a hospital? - With the padded rooms and the straitjackets? - No.
No straitjackets.
A residential treatment center.
You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out i checked into a laughing academy? - Your life is boxing us in.
- Well, i'll take a gun, and i'll blow my fuckin' head off.
If that's what you're saying, then i think youshould be hospitalized.
Oh, yeah? Well, you get a couple of guys, you come to my house, you try it.
All right.
I'm gonna push the prozac to 60 milligrams.
Sure.
Why not? Hey, is that you? Ciao.
Look who's here.
I was just talkin' about you.
No kiddin'.
What are you doin' here? Oh, i have the class in gum graftingalla scuola.
I just finish.
Let me ask you.
This sandwich, it says it's a hero.
Why do they call a sandwich hero? You don't wanna eat that.
No.
No? Come on.
What's your name? Isabella.
I'm tony.
You never went in italy? No.
Why not? You don't want to go? I guess i just never got off my ass.
- Excuse my french.
- Your french? - It's an expression.
- Oh.
And where are your people from? Wait a minute.
Don't tell me.
- Avellino? - How'd you know that? I didn't.
I guess it.
You look like this guy from there.
He came after the "hearthquake" to repair-- oh, how do you say? - The seat of the house? - I love how you say that.
- Hearthquake.
- You are making a joke.
No.
No, i'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Fondamenta.
You understand? Fondamenta.
- Foundation.
- Foundation, si.
Foundation was cracked, and he repaired the stone.
My grandfather was a stone mason.
He was avellinese, him and his brother.
Tony, you should visit avellino if your family come from there.
There isn't too much left because of the many hearthquake.
But from the 17th century is still there a beautiful palazzo, palazza della donna.
And there is a place in the corner of the piazza is a wine bar you can sit.
You can see the hills.
And when it's spring, you can smell the blossoms from the lemon tree.
And there is a church with a bell.
And they say, when it rings, that means that the baby was conceived in the town.
Tony? Tony? Are you on medication? No.
No.
Tell me more about your, uh-- your dental studies.
I was interested mainly in tumors of the gum and soft tissue of the mouth.
Yeah? Tumors of the gum, huh? Wow.
Dad, we're eating! Hold it, ma.
Anthony.
- What does a gentleman do for a lady? - In his own house? A young lady's invited anthony to his very first formal, ma.
Well, then.
Okay? Thank you, young man.
Okay.
Tony! Honey, i told you that your mother was coming for dinner.
Hi, ma.
Well, look who's decided to join us.
And with that breath! - You know, i don't really need that right now, ma.
- Aren't we being sensitive? Meadow, can you take some chicken and pass it, please? Where's uncle jun'? He said he wasn't feeling well.
In its lifetime, the average american chicken's feet never even touch the ground? - That's dicked up.
- If i was that young lady and you came and took me to that dance and used that kind of talk, i'd slap your face.
That's right, ma.
Thank you.
Well, the whole world's gone crazy.
Some woman in pennsylvania, she shot her three children and set her house on fire.
Here we go.
How come my son's in a bathrobe? Is he sick? - He's fine.
- Dad, you're depressed.
Depressed? My father came to this country with 17 cents in his pocket, and he never made a peep.
Ma.
What's he got to be depressed about? Nobody threwhim into the glue factory and soldhishouse out from underneath him.
Ma, we all agreed we would sell your home.
I'm goin' back upstairs.
I was making a joke.
Oh, i suppose it would be better if i never opened my mouth.
Grandma, how can it be a joke if you're crying? Oh, i mean, this is really the last time.
I am never coming back to this house.
What a day.
With this wind, huh? Whatcha lookin' at? Oh, nothin'.
Who's she? Dental student from italy.
You know her.
We had lunch.
Lunch? You fucking piece of shit.
Going out to dinner with you is a distant memory for me, but you have time to take her to lunch? You are sinking this whole family into your misery with your wallowing and your complaining, while i spoon- feed you and bathe you.
All it takes is a half- inch of another woman's thigh to get your ass out of bed? What am i, a fucking idiot? If i had an ounce of self- respect, i would cut your dick off! You know, i was there last night for dinner.
I couldn't go.
Those poor freakin' kids.
Yeah, they barely have a father now.
You should see the way he comes down to the dinner table.
- I don't wanna know.
- In his bathrobe at 7:00 in the evening.
Some bargain.
That's all anyone should have to pay for a movie.
My cousin cakey after he had his lobotomy, he looked exactly like my son.
- Livia.
- Empty.
A shell.
Better cakey had died than go on living like that.
- That's what his own mother always used to say.
- Don't talk about it anymore.
I don't wanna hear about it anymore.
Don't talk about tony.
It's done.
Mr.
Tony, ms.
Carmela said to tell you she went to new york to buy a suit for a.
J.
Go away.
Okay.
Ms.
Carmela told me to remind you of your appointment.
Hey, how you doin', tony? Pick six today? No, just an orange juice and a racing form today.
This wind, huh? Yeah.
Thanks.
Take care.
Okay.
- You dead now, motherfucker! - aw, shit! Oh, my god, daddy.
Where is he? Please let me be all right.
They didn't say anything when they called? No, they didn't.
Oh, tony.
Oh, my god.
Look who's here.
Oh, my god, tony.
Is he all right? Jesus christ, tony.
Daddy, your ear's all bloody.
What'd they do to your ear? I'm just putting in a few stitches to create a nice closure.
Oh, jesus, we were so scared.
They almost killed you for a stupid car.
Nobody told them about the kind of gas mileage that thing gets, huh, med? It's not funny, dad.
What's the matter with you? Forget how to talk 'cause your old man got banged up a little? - No.
- he's just frightened, tony.
The doctor needs to finish up here, ma'am.
Come on, kids.
Let's give the doctor some room.
- Come on.
- See ya later.
Poor dad.
He'll be all right.
Christ.
You people can't wait until they finish sewing my ear back on? Face it, tony.
One inch to the left and you're down in a drawer instead of talking to me.
Who's talkin' to you? - What's he doing here? - Oh, agent harris is just leaving.
We're offering your husband full immunity from prosecution in return for any testimony that he might give us.
We relocate you and your family.
You'll be completely safe, all of you.
- Hey, don't talk to me wife.
- So he wouldn't have to go to jail either? Carmela, ask this prick if i'm even indicted.
This assassination problem is not gonna go away.
I think both of you realize that.
I told you to stop talking to my wife.
- Carmela, wait outside.
- Kiss my ass, tony.
We're the only option you have left, tony.
It's not safe for you anymore in the streets or in jail.
This conversation is over.
- What do you know? - He doesn't know anything.
It was a fuckin' carjacking.
Now, get out! You're upsetting my wife! In case you change your mind.
- You know he's right, tony.
- Nothin's gonna happen.
Wake up, tony! It already did! - I took an oath, carmela.
- What are you, a kid in a tree house? Did you ever tell anybody about me gonna see melfi? Is that why they tried to kill you? Because you're seeing a psychiatrist? Look, what are you talkin' about? It was a carjacking.
- At least have the decency not to lie to me.
- What do you wanna do? You wanna move to utah? Be mr.
And mrs.
Mike smith? We could sell some indian relics by the road, maybe start a rattlesnake ranch.
This is our chance to get out, tony.
We could start a whole new life.
Have some mormons over to dinner.
Eat some tomatoes that have no taste.
You know what i want? I want those kids to have a father.
They got one.
This one.
Me.
Tony soprano.
And all that comes with it.
Oh, you prick.
Mmm.
Good.
Probably i can't go to that dance now either.
God, self- involved much? Hey, it's uncle silvio and uncle paulie.
Hey, squirt.
They shot my dad.
He's all right, though, isn't he? Take more than a jamaican bobsled team with cap guns to stop your old man.
Where is he? With mom.
All right.
They look kinda weird.
I don't believe it was a carjacking.
This afternoon in montclair, anthony soprano, who allegedly holds the rank of captain or higher in the northern new jersey mafia, was wounded in what the victim claims was an attempted carjack, but sources in the f.
B.
I.
Say was a gangland execution gone awry.
Soprano escaped with minor wounds and was taken to an undisclosed area hospital.
However, one of his assailants, william johnson "petite" clayborn, was fatally wounded in the attack.
Continuing now with-- is this true? Why, do you think they made it up? But how- how could this happen? I don't know.
I don't figure to know.
I feel like i'm floatin' in space.
- He's gonna look for who did this to him.
- Anthony? Of course he is.
- Livia, you understand what's goin' on here? - My son got shot.
- And he got away.
- What do we do now? - What the fuck do we do now, livia? - We go see him.
- Tony? - Of course! He's my only son.
Thanks, sweetheart.
We could use some peppers out here, huh, carm? I'll get'em, dad.
Don't you have like two hours worth of homework to do? I can't help too? Some fuckin' shit, huh? Tony! Jesus fucking christ! Oh! Who do we blame for the hat? I was down the shore at tom's river on denny najarian's boat.
Two shooters.
And his piece was under the seat.
- Do you believe this guy? - Nah, two girls from the hood, that's all.
- Do we know who they are yet? - The live one took off in a taurus.
Taurus? Yeah, moolies in a new taurus.
Doesn't exactly fit the profile.
Motherfuck! What? These guys i had a beef with at the newsstand.
You were there? Not yesterday.
The day before.
The newsstand? The one in montclair? - Yeah, yeah.
I was, uh, in the neighborhood.
- What were you doing there? - Uh, takin' my mother to the doctor.
- Oh.
Hey, put it right there, baby.
Thank you.
Ah, this husband of yours, carmela.
How much we love him.
He's the best.
He's like a father to me.
Just make sure nothin' happens to him.
- I'll get it.
- come on.
All due respect, ton', it had to be your uncle, right? Well, why fuckin' now? Maybe he found out.
Found out what? That he's joe jerk- off, not the boss.
That you been runnin' things behind his back.
Anthony! Uncle jun'! Don't get up.
I heard your knee was fucked up.
Don't worry, ma.
I'm all right.
Come here.
Your ear, it's disfigured.
It's all right.
Hi.
I got mikey palmice, all my crew out there, crackin' heads to find out who did this.
When we're done with them, they're gonna wish they were never born.
- Tony? - Look who it is.
Father intintola.
- I came as a friend.
How are you, tony? - All right.
If you'd like to speak privately, we could kneel in prayer-- not right now.
Why don't you grab a sandwich and we'll talk later.
- You're sleepin' over, right? - Uh, can i get anybody anything? Sil, maybe another sambuca.
Hey, i'll get it, carm.
I'll take a curacao if you got it.
I'll buy him one too.
No, that's all right.
No alcohol for me.
Can he hear through that ear? Ma, sit down.
Here you go.
Have something to eat.
- Want some? - Fuck it.
I thought for sure it was him.
But there he is, glasses and all.
Don't eat capicollo, grandma.
It's nothin' but fat and nitrates.
Capicollo.
Over here.
- Look at that face.
- Who is that? - Who? - That girl.
- Who, meadow? - Who is she? Is that concetta? That's your granddaughter.
Meadow? All right.
Don't get impatient.
I'm your mother.
Hey, grandma, did you hear? Dad fought off two black guys.
One got shot in the head.
Anthony, what time is it? Why aren't you dressed for the dance? - I can't go.
- Why not? - Don't you need me here? - And disappoint the future miss new jersey? - Get outta here.
- Well, mom was going to drive us.
She can't now, right? You're gonna go.
I gotta know something.
And i want the truth.
Did you ever tell anybody about you and me? I may have mentioned something to my immediate family that i had a patient who was in some trouble with all the stuff we were hearing about in the news.
I never mentioned a name or any other specifics that could identify you as that person.
My son's.
Does your family know? My mother's made a few comments.
But i don't see how she knows.
And if she did-- hey, don't even go there about the old lady.
You should've seen her at my house after what happened.
She was losin' her fuckin' mind.
How are you doing with all of this? Tell you the truth, i feel pretty good.
Yeah.
Really? Well, that's good.
Talk about a jolt to the system.
Try gettin' shot at.
It'll give you a nice kick start.
You know, when i was depressed, i said i didn't wanna live.
Well, i'll tell you somethin'.
I didn't wanna die.
Every fuckin' particle of my bein' was fightin' to live.
- I had lunch with that girl next door, you know.
- You did? Isabella.
She was tellin' me about the avellino, where my-- where my people are from.
It sounded nice.
Anyway, she was talkin', and, uh, all of a sudden-- you know, uh, we went to another place, like, in my mind's eye.
I don't know.
We went back in time to like 1907 or somethin'.
And we were in this room, you know.
And she had this baby.
She was holdin' it, you know.
On her breast, she was nursin' it.
She was whisperin' to it, like, "it's okay, little baby.
Don't cry.
It's gonna be okay.
I love you.
" - Did the baby have a name? - She was calling it antonio.
Anthony, your fantasy.
That's-- that's you, that little baby.
And isabella.
That she was nursingyou.
Oh, fuck me.
You think this is a stretch? Hey, can we get some of that whiskey? Livia.
You don't knock? - I could've been in the nude.
- What the hell is going on? - Look and see if my slipper is over there.
- Fuck your slipper! I don't like that talk.
Was was that bullshit yesterday? You don't even recognize your granddaughter? Well, i-- i've-- i've been forgetting things lately.
You'll-- you'll find that it'll happen to you soon too.
That's terrific timing.
Right after the move on your son goes in the toilet.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Hey, cooze.
Cooze.
How was bermuda? Jeannie, she wrecked up her motorbike.
She hurt her ankle pretty bad.
Oh, yeah? I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Thanks.
So where's your dental student? Where's my what? Isabella.
I haven't seen her in a couple of days.
Come on.
Your houseguest.
Isabella.
Dark hair, beautiful.
- You don't know what the fuck i'm talkin' about, do you? - I got no idea.
You didn't have an italian girl-- she's here studying the-- we had skippy palumbo from down the street come into the house to take care of the dog.
Never mind.
Forget it.
It's a joke.
I'll talk to you later.
All right.
You sure about this? You're not pulling my leg? What am i, an idiot? Of course i'm sure.
You never-- no.
Frankly, i think i've said enough about it.
I never threatened to cut your dick off.
Hello? Yeah, it's your patient.
The one who's been involved in a few things in the news lately? I gotta talk to you.
What's wrong? There was no isabella.
What? There was no isabella.
I just talked to cusamano.
Him and the whosits just got back from bermuda.
I asked him,"where's the dental exchange student that's stayin' at your house?" - He looked at me like i was fuckin'pazzo.
- You said your wife saw her.
- You both argued about it.
- Yeah, i asked her about that.
And? You thought she was pissed then? You should see her now, now that i told her the whole thing was just a fantasy.
- Discontinue the lithium.
- I already flushed it.
Even if it was the medicine, this fantasy of yours has meaning.
You know, the issue of mother and child, the madonna.
You didn't see this broad.
Did you ever flirt or come on sexually with isabella? No.
Why not? You said she was very beautiful and voluptuous.
Another question.
- Why now? - What do you mean? Why the need for the fantasy of a loving, caring woman now? - I don't know.
- I think you should come in so we could talk face- to- face.
- I can't right now.
- You know, your mother is always talking about infanticide.
Yeah, it's a sad situation that goes on in the world.
- Are you still feeling okay? - I feel pretty good, actually.
When i find out who took a shot at me, i'm gonna feel even better.