Wonderland (2013) s01e12 Episode Script

- Miranda is off-limits.
- I know! He's got prostate cancer, OK? He needs me.
He's gonna come and stay here next week after his operation.
Your mum's getting married.
She wants us to go.
What's the plan with you and Adam? You guys gonna move out? Is it alright if Adam stays here for the weekends? - Just until he finds a job? - Sure.
There's no rush.
Do you hate the idea of leaving here so much? Well, no.
I mean, things change.
In a good way.
So you guys are househunting this weekend? That's the plan.
I just hope you can find something with the studio space.
You know, she's really gonna miss the workshop.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, photography's a tough gig and we have to live in the real world.
Eh she's pretty passionate about it.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, man, I'm passionate about working with livestock but I gotta take dogs and cats too.
She'll easily pick up some part-time pharmacy work.
Pharmacy? Miranda wants a house and kids.
We're gonna need more than one income if we're gonna set ourselves up.
Have you mentioned that to her yet? Oh, when the time's right.
Yeah.
So what's everyone up to this weekend? Oh, um, I'm actually going to a wedding.
You are? Whose? I don't think you've met Helena.
- Dani's mum.
- Technically.
It's not a betrayal.
My parents are on their cruise.
They've asked me to represent.
I've known your mum my whole life.
If you wanna go then you should go.
Just don't pressure me when Dad's sick.
This doesn't have anything to do with your dad.
So you're not going? She hasn't RSVP'd.
Shoved the invite in the undie draw.
Actually, no.
I brought it with me.
I know what these two think, but I'm throwing it open - should you go to the wedding if you don't respect the people getting married? That depends on the quality of the booze.
Well, I'd say no except when it's your mum, then yeah.
It's a tricky one, but I don't think you can get out of it.
Well, is anyone against? Rob? I think you should definitely go.
- Yeah.
- Yep, definitely.
We don't have a relationship.
It would be hypocritical.
What Dani hasn't told you guys is that we are all invited.
- Oh, nice.
- It's a backyard wedding.
Helena wants to meet Dani's friends.
This says, "Come celebrate the marriage of Helena and Kate.
" Correct.
Kate - the woman that my mother left my father for.
- 16 years ago.
- Doesn't make it less painful.
- Yeah, I'm with Dani.
- Thank you, Adam.
It's not even a real wedding.
More wine, anyone? - Yeah, sure.
- It's not bad, actually.
Oh, come on.
All I meant was it's not a legal wedding.
Yeah, it just came out wrong.
I don't have a problem with homosexuality.
Civil rights issues, rar-rar, whatever - I'm totally behind it.
I just don't think they should call it marriage.
So it's OK for you to get married, but not OK for them? Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think marriage should be about men and women getting together, having babies.
I don't agree, but I do think it's a valid argument.
Well, the issue wasn't really gay marriage.
It was the fact we were talking about Dani's mum.
Yeah, fair enough.
I'm going to bed.
Are you coming? We just don't want you to regret not going.
Helena's already missed our wedding.
What? I'm supposed to go to hers out of pity? I can only invite her or Dad, and of course I chose Dad.
She's your mum and I've met her twice for, like, 10 minutes.
I really wish people would stop saying that, "She's your mum," like it's supposed to mean something.
Hey, Dad, what are you doing up? You're meant to be resting.
I need to take a whiz! I'm fine.
Can you go with him? He's Endone'd up to the eyeballs.
He could hit his head on the tiles.
You left me alone for hours.
It didn't trouble you then.
One hour.
And we were across the hall.
Oh, Dad, how are you feeling? Like someone shoved a pineapple in and yanked it out slowly.
He's right.
I shouldn't have left him.
I'm a bad daughter.
You are the opposite of a bad daughter.
Will you look at him? He is my priority.
Alright, but you should at least call Helena personally and say we're not coming.
It's rude to leave her hanging like this.
Oh, Peter, why don't you sit down? Because I'm not a woman! You know this is official sex.
We'll be using the tools for their intended purpose.
I've spent my adult life trying not to get pregnant.
This is very strange.
I'm on a mission.
I want you preggers walking up that aisle.
Yeah, right.
Mmm.
Think I'll have to spooge into a cup at the clinic tomorrow? - I don't know.
- What if I can't get there? - Just think sexy thoughts.
- Like what? - Like this.
- Phwoar! How is it possible your father is getting worse at looking after himself the longer we're apart? It's meant to be the opposite.
Why? What does he want? Oh, um, "Where are my golf clubs? "What chemist do we use? "How do I tell if the cheese is off?" OK, um, in the boot, the one on the corner and sniff it and hope for the best.
Exactly.
Now he's discovered emoticons.
- Ooh, has he? - Mm-hm.
What's he got? Oh, he's got a house and a question mark.
- What is that supposed to mean? - "When are you coming home?" He's missing you, Mum.
Well, he's got to learn to cope.
I'm not responsible for his day-to-day existence.
I have me to look after! - Morning.
- Morning, Maggie.
- Gotta run.
See you later! - Yep.
- You've got Adam all wrong.
- OK.
He's an open-minded guy.
You just don't know him well.
Obviously not.
Is this really how you want us to be? Just because we had one moment months ago doesn't give you a right to give him a hard time.
Trust me.
The moment's forgot.
You don't believe in committing yourself to a relationship and that's fine, but I do, so the least you could do is respect that and and him.
Mm-hm.
Well, you have fun finding a new place.
We will.
OK.
Are you sure you've got enough food there? I was still starving when we went to bed last night.
Miranda's cooking is even worse than yours.
Thank you.
And I will return the compliment by saying Adam is even less evolved than you are.
- Oh, he has his views.
- Which we don't agree with.
The Church says Dani's mother can't marry her girlfriend.
The Church? As in God? Do you believe that? I'm Catholic.
Found it! Mate's rates if you want it as a wedding present.
Oh, I was gonna donate to their nominated charity.
Don't come, then.
Why not? I don't believe in it myself.
But they're free to do what they like.
Equal rights is very important to me.
Me too.
I believe in equal rights.
But not gay marriage? You're homophobic.
I believe marriage is for men and women.
That does not make me homophobic.
Far from it.
I've kissed a man.
- You have? - Once at a crazy party.
So I don't have a problem, OK? I think I loved a man.
It was an online thing.
So much build-up and when I found out he was 'Lyle' and not 'Lillian' I just shut it down, just ran.
Possibly shouldn't have.
When you say kisses, do you just mean pecks? I mean, just, um, small kisses? No, it was more than that.
It was kind of hot.
- So now you have a problem? - No.
Hmm? Hey, have you spoken to her yet? Oh, yeah, no, I don't I don't know that I should do that.
According to the literature, after prostate surgery - fact.
I belong to the top 13% - fact.
Well, good for you, but in order to keep it that way you need to strengthen your pelvic floor.
Hourly exercises every day.
It's not gonna be easy, but I've been through surgery, Dani! You're not to bully me.
It's either the exercises or you can get used to wearing nappies.
Your choice.
Oi! Actually, you can do this too.
OK, start slow.
Find your baseline.
Hold.
One, two, three.
Release.
Why aren't you doing it? - I am.
- We are.
Really? What does it feel like to activate your pelvic floor? It's good.
I wouldn't call it an intense work-out.
He can't find it.
He's got no idea.
- Oh, and you do? - I do now.
Hey.
Um, can I borrow Dani for a sec? Yeah, take her.
Give me some peace.
- No, I should stay with Dad.
- I can stay.
You should take a break while you can.
Do you wanna get a coffee? OK, fine.
Who are you looking for? Is Carlos meeting us? No, no, no.
He's with mates.
We should probably sit down.
- Work? - Yeah.
They just need my authorisation to print these unnamed sources.
Allegedly Justin Bieber is Madonna's love child.
- Do you need any more caffeine? - Probably not.
Hey, Dani.
Are you serious? The wedding is tomorrow.
Blame me, please.
I I was coming to see you this morning.
I rang Steven first.
He said your father was staying there.
I didn't want to make a scene knocking on the door Right.
I begged Grace to set this up.
So it's a conspiracy, then.
- I'm gonna let you two talk.
- Stay! You can tear me a new one later.
Sorry.
How is your father? You know I'm sure he'd feel terrible if he knew his cancer was such an inconvenience.
Look, just just hear me out.
That's all I ask.
Then I'll let you be.
Thanks.
Are you sure you don't want a drink? We could order bloody marys, take the edge off.
- I'm fine with water.
- You're not? - No! God, no.
- Oh, I didn't mean you look Pregnant? Well, I hope not.
I guess I don't know.
Is that something that you and Steven even talk about yet? It's 'Steve'.
No-one calls him 'Steven'.
Steve.
Sorry.
Steve.
We're not in a rush.
We think having a child is the most serious commitment you can make, you know, not something you just walk away from.
I reckon we should go nuts, get some bling for you to show off.
You know me.
I mostly prefer simple.
Yeah, is that 'mostly' as in 'almost always'? - Or 'mostly' as in 'always'? - Huh? You told the fertility doctor you only 'mostly' always orgasm.
'Mostly' is almost always.
- What about that one? - Mmm.
You see, if we're supposed to get into this whole up-suck theory, right, simultaneously, how am I gonna know if it's a really or a nearly since I obviously can't tell when you're faking it? Baby, every woman fakes occasionally.
It's polite.
Now, wanna go try some on? Look, I just think we should include not being polite about orgasms into our vows.
Maybe not in those exact words, but fine.
But right now I just wanna hear my three favourite words.
- I love you.
- Let's go shopping.
Just for the record, I've never faked an orgasm.
Ever.
OK, so there's four places for the area to rent.
It's not exactly high-density living.
There's about 15 minutes between each one, but we'll make it.
Well, now it's gotta reboot.
Well, should I switch it back on? - You're wearing the ring.
- Yeah! Took you long enough! - Are you sure? - Yeah.
We want the same things.
You know, after all we've been through you still make sense in my life.
Should we just forget about househunting and go and enjoy the day? Or is that a waste of time? Well, there's a lot to be said about time-wasting in the right company.
I didn't get you a present.
I wasn't sure what you wanted so I If you have any hints How about I don't get you one and we'll call it even? Is there any way I can convince you to come tomorrow? Why do you want me there? So I can see it was all worth it? I get it.
I know the story.
You know your father's version.
Do you know mine? Year 7 squad training, Cathy Harris said I perved on her and everyone left the change room.
No-one would hold my hand in dance class in case I turned them into a lemon.
I wish you'd told me that.
I didn't tell anyone.
Dad was upset enough about everything.
Yeah.
Well, you shouldn't have been protecting him.
So now everything is his fault.
Not his fault, not everything.
Look, I was so young.
I was barely 20 when I married.
I had no idea who I was.
You know, I don't care about the lemon jokes.
I don't even care that you left us for a woman.
The point is you left us.
I wanted you to come.
Peter stopped me from seeing you.
Because I didn't want to see you.
He should've made you.
He encouraged you to hate me like he did.
The only way your father could deal with the humiliation was to demonise me, and I lost you.
I need to go.
I don't think I have any cash.
Dani.
Dani If I could go back, I would do it all differently.
Please don't say that.
You have your own fabulous daughter and a happy family.
Dad's got me.
So everything turned out.
Have, um have a happy wedding tomorrow.
OK, alright.
OK, that's yours.
- Oh-ho-ho! - Carlos! Very good.
Very good.
Carlos shared this morning that he has, um, dabbled in the gay arts.
- Wow.
- Only a pash dabble.
But do you think that means he will want to dabble again? I don't know.
I guess it's normal to experiment a bit.
What if I'm the gateway girlfriend? I mean, I do have very manly legs.
Oh, hey, if Dani goes to this wedding tomorrow will you come? - Yeah, definitely.
- What about Adam? I don't know.
He does know you're not allowed to leave us, doesn't he? Well, he's gonna support me.
I can't have it all my own way.
I beg your pardon! Diamond ring? - Oh, that's gorgeous! - Yeah.
Is it Are Congratulations.
That's lovely.
- What were you gonna say then? - Nothing.
"Is it what I want?" "Is it a good idea?" He's a nice guy.
He's clean-cut.
He's a nice guy.
Two nices.
Well, no, he is.
Except for the gay marriage thing.
- Well, yeah.
- He's got his opinions.
- And nobody's perfect.
- Absolutely.
And he doesn't call all the shots anymore.
Maybe he did in high school, but I can make my own choices now.
- I came here.
- Exactly.
And, OK, I'm moving away when I don't really want to.
- But we're excited.
- Good.
Great.
We just don't wanna lose you.
Oh - Oh, you're sweet.
Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
Well, you'll be needing plenty more of these when your ankles turn into watermelons.
Can we please not become one of those obsessive couples? I don't wanna get too intense about pregnancy like that woman in the waiting room talking about her mastitis.
Oh, I don't even wanna know what that is.
And I don't wanna only have sex when I'm ovulating.
No, we won't.
We'll have sex when we're drunk.
Or when I'm horny and you're guilty my needs aren't being met.
Which brings me to the wedding of Rob and Colette Volume 2.
0.
- Oh, we're planning this now? - Yep.
- OK.
- Alright.
So we're gonna need a live band, decorations, food, booze, suits, a cake, flowers and a celebrity.
- A celebrity? - Oh, no, that's auto correct.
It should be a 'celebrant'.
Now, vows - do you want new or recycled? Well, I Why don't we try writing new ones? We'll just get something down, see what happens.
- OK.
- Yeah? Alright.
Go nuts.
I'll meet you back here in a bit.
OK.
Hey, Dani! I didn't know she ran.
She doesn't.
Do you remember Genevieve Miller? - Yeah, who could forget? - She was amazing.
She was wild.
Is.
She's now got three kids from three different dads.
I'm so glad I talked you out of doing schoolies with her.
- Yeah? I still regret that.
- Why are we talking about this? Don't worry.
Forget it.
I don't think Adam's hungry.
Oh, he should be.
He played volleyball with Carlos.
Oh! You played with Julio and Mateus.
Yeah, they're pretty fierce.
Yeah, not bad for a couple of gay blokes, eh? Quit making me out to be a redneck.
I told you, I don't have a problem.
I was just kidding.
You know what, mate, I'm starting to ask myself why you try and undermine me in front of Miranda so much.
It's better in front of her than behind her back, yeah? You with me? Oh, look! You guys got engaged again.
- Yeah.
- That's right.
I guess that means you don't mind going back to pharmacy once you move out.
Oh, I'm not Is that what he said? Is that what you're hoping for? I said if photography didn't work out.
Which it won't, because we all have to live in the real world.
- You said that? - He's taking it out of context.
But it's what you think? You're a prick.
And she's a photographer.
I don't wanna see you.
I know.
- Helena was desperate.
I - Shh! Dad's in bed.
I don't want him to hear.
I made a mistake.
I shouldn't have agreed to it.
But you and Steve have decided you know what's best for me? I'm sorry.
How did it go? I mean, did you talk or It was pointless.
She didn't say anything to change your mind? No.
She feels sorry for herself for losing me.
But she didn't lose me.
She gave me up.
It's a completely different thing.
Dani, you and your dad He can be a little bit emotionally manipulative.
- Shh! - He's doing it right now.
He's sick! If she wanted me so badly why didn't she fight for custody? - I thought she did.
- No, she didn't.
She loves you.
She made a choice and now she regrets it.
Does this mean that you've made your choice? I'll be looking after Dad.
Do you forgive me for today? Nope.
OK.
OK, this is what I've got.
"Rob, four years ago we said 'I do' "and despite the fact it was in Vegas, the celebrant was drunk "and there was no-one there to see it "that day was the happiest of my life, "because even though it was far from perfect "you were standing beside me.
"Now with these elaborate beautiful plans "I feel like we're trying to prove to the world, "to ourselves, that we're OK.
" That's sort of not sounding like vows anymore.
You don't wanna do it? - No, I do.
- Then what? I never wanted the Cinderella fantasy.
I never wanted 50 people.
It's about the two of us.
It can be sweet and intimate, special, but just us.
Well, I learn something new about you every day.
- Do you wanna hear mine? - Yes, please.
"I do so love you at the beach.
"I do so love you when you sleep.
"I do so love you in our bed.
"I do so love you give great" - Ohh! - ".
.
conversation!" Look, it was a bad call.
We shouldn't have interfered.
You know, Grace I get.
She thinks I'm 12 and it's her job to teach me how to live.
But your parents are divorced.
You should understand.
Sometimes we can leave things too late.
The difference is you and Dad are my family.
II don't count her or them.
Plus Dad would never understand.
Isn't that messed up, that you felt you've had to pick a side? That's what she said.
I don't know, maybe you're too close to see it, but going to your mum's wedding, it isn't betraying your dad.
I'm not having this conversation.
Hey, Dad, are you ready? I'll get him.
What's the verdict? You going? - You know about that? - Been a lot of whispering.
Helena rang me a month ago to say she was marrying that woman.
Well, she probably didn't want you to hear from someone else.
She's rubbing it in.
Oh, what do you think? I wasn't planning on it.
Oh, it's up to you, princess.
Personally, I'll never forgive her for what she did to us.
Yeah, I know.
- But it was a long time ago.
- The shame she brought.
Who could forget it? When they had Lucy, you told me that it was unnatural.
Having a child without a father? What would you call it? You told me that I was not allowed to call her my sister.
- Because she isn't.
- But they said she was.
Being 11, that was really confusing.
You cried every time I had to take you to that house.
- Did I? - Every time.
Had to pay a lot of money to lawyers so you wouldn't have to go there.
You're a good woman.
Ohh.
I support gay marriage.
Everyone has the right to be miserable.
Hello, Peter.
How's the patient? Dad, it's time to take your painkiller.
Dad? That's his strong one, so he's gonna get a bit woozy.
- Right.
- 'Bye, Dad.
Thanks again.
Are you going because you're angry at me? No.
I'm going to support our friend.
What about our time together? We'll have all our time together soon.
Can you make that sound any less romantic? Oh, I'm sorry, you want romance? Here was I thinking you were the practical one.
- Miranda - But what would I know? I'm a dreamer that doesn't know how to live in the real world.
- Stop.
- You're living in a dream.
- You're just picking a fight.
- Nice house, kids.
Me taking photos as a hobby after my shifts at the pharmacy.
Oh, and look, a kitten.
How cute! Wow! Cynical.
- You don't believe in me.
- That's not true.
That's what you told Tom.
When were you gonna tell me that? When were you gonna tell me about you and Tom? Huh.
Uh, for the record, he didn't say anything but you just did.
We kissed once, drunk.
One stupid kiss.
Adam, you and I weren't even together.
If it's what you want, stay here, live with Tom No, I don't.
Alright.
Good.
Miranda, you ready? You don't think by me going she'll assume all is forgiven? Hey, we're going to eat canapes, drink champagne and take it from there.
You are earning some major brownie points in the husband department.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Guys, what are you doing here? Well, the invite said come one, come all.
Yeah.
Any excuse for a party.
- I'm late! Sorry! - Oh! Oh, what, you, to a wedding? Never! Ha, ha! Thanks.
- What are you doing? - Oh, punching you.
Come on.
On, on, on.
Might need more than one champagne when we get there.
All happy.
You could have just told me what he said without all the games.
Yeah, well, I didn't think it was my place.
Well, then, why start? Because you're getting married to the guy.
I thought you should know.
I'm sorry if I stuffed things up.
You have no idea.
Dani, I'm so glad you could come.
- They're gonna be so amazed.
- Lucy! I know, I'm, like, an actual person now.
Do you remember when I cut your hair while you were sleeping? Um, this is this is my husband, Steve.
So nice to meet you.
Steve, this is Kate's daughter.
- And Helena's.
- Sorry.
I meant biologically.
We don't make that distinction.
We're sisters.
Helena's having a little bit of a wardrobe malfunction.
- Do you want to check in on - Um, I don't think - You should go! - Hey, Lucy, is it? Do you mind if I take some photos at the ceremony? No, that would be so good.
Mmm.
- Doing well.
- Hmm.
- She's looking for you.
- I don't think so.
How are you feeling? You in much pain? Oh, I feel quite good, actually.
"Side effects - incontinence.
" Ooh! Don't hesitate to let me know if you need to go.
"Impotence" Ooh, that's not what you want to read in your post-op pamphlet, is it? The doctor and the surgeon mentioned that as a side effect, but everyone's more concerned with whether I'll piss myself.
Ha! It's all they think this is good for.
Oh, bum to them.
It's a myth that it stops when you get to our age.
To be fair, I haven't been quite as active in that department as I could have been.
Too late now.
You don't know that.
Have you tried to see if there's any What? Any lead in the pencil? Maybe you should.
I'm very flattered, Maggie, but I don't think I could quite I'm not volunteering! - Oh! - Oh, careful.
Did I mention I was the one who got them to make it official? - Yes.
- Alright, I'm sorry.
I'll be done soon.
And last but not least, I just wanna say my mums are my template for commitment and family.
The best thing that ever happened to them was finding each other and they've loved each other every day since, so I'd like you to all raise your glasses to Kate and Helena.
- To Kate and Helena! - Whoo! Check booking.
- Check.
- Here, let me do it.
Burns Street.
- Burns.
- Hey.
Can I have a word with Dani? Uh, I think we're about to take off.
Two.
Yes.
Uh, I might go and tell the others we're heading.
Gonna say goodbye to your mother? She's busy inside being toasted.
Oh, yeah, well, Lucy went a bit over the top and it might have seemed insensitive.
But in her defence, she didn't know you were coming.
Meanwhile, your mother's in there having to pretend that she's not devastated.
We've been looking forward to this.
I won't put up with it.
Well, you don't have to.
I'm going.
You've been pulling that card since you were a little girl.
Kate, I don't have a problem with you.
I've never blamed you for what happened.
It's her.
You are so focused on how hurt you are and how wronged you've been, you've never once considered how your behaviour affects your mother.
It kills her every time.
You're 27, you're married.
Isn't it time to grow up? Hey, should we bail? Chase after Dani? No.
That would be rude to our hosts.
We'll just wait and see what happens.
Alright.
How can you be so sure that marriage isn't for you? You don't mind a wedding.
Am I gonna get an invite to yours? Yeah, you're you're gonna be my bridesmaid, actually.
How can you be so sure that it's him? You can't, but nothing's perfect and you can't just cut and run when things get too real.
- Is that what you think I do? - Well, isn't it? Maybe I just haven't found the right girl yet, you know, that I wanna be real with.
You know, being real means loving someone, even the messy bits.
I'm sure the right girl, even her mess would be very hot.
This is inspiring.
Shows we can have a celebration and still be us.
Let's do it.
No family, just friends.
Just the inner sanctum.
Yeah? Yeah.
- You know what I want to do? - Mm-hm.
Question - um, do you think that, uh, if the opportunity came up that you would kiss a man again? I can't imagine it.
Really? Why? I can't imagine kissing anyone that isn't you.
Come on, it's only to line your stomach.
Here.
Do you know that cake represents the glue that binds a marriage together? It's chocolate.
Good girl.
- Mmm.
It's really good.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Where's Tom? And why are you here with him and not your fiance? Uh, he didn't he didn't want to come.
You're engaged again - brilliant.
Hey, hey, let's dance.
Uh, no, I don't think we should.
Fine.
We're dancing! Whoo! - You're amazing.
- Thank you.
Would you like to dance? Hmm.
You know you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
- I don't? - Nope.
I'd really miss you if you go.
Good dance.
Nothing serious.
Slamdance injury.
Mmm.
Doesn't mean I love you any less.
But she is my mum.
And apparently that does mean something.
Goodnight.
- You alright? - Yeah.
- Bedtime.
- Oh, yeah.
So Peter was? - Fine.
- Mm-hm.
Although it did strike me - it doesn't matter how much time we spend apart, if your father gets sick, I'll be back there nursing him.
Wiping his bum, if necessary.
And he'd do the same for me.
That is marriage.
I think I finally saw the point of it today.
- Hey.
- Cab's on its way.
I wasn't sure if you'd be able to drive.
Probably not.
Do you have to go? Can you can you maybe get a later flight? No.
Let's call this weekend a write-off.
We'll talk properly next week.
Maybe you shouldn't come down again so soon.
The practice expects me to start in a month.
We need a place to live.
- What I told you before - Forget it.
We don't need to talk about that.
When I put this ring on, I thought we wanted the same things, Adam, and I think - I'll call you.
- No, Adam The taxi's waiting.
It will be better once we're living together again.
Unless we end up resenting each other for giving up the things we want.
- I'm not gonna resent you.
- You already do.
You're bending over backwards.
What more do I want? That doesn't sound like someone that's gonna be happy Miranda, I'm not having this conversation now.
Not while there's a plane to catch and the meter's running.
OK? 'Bye.
Airport.