Animaniacs (1993) s01e127 Episode Script
Yes, Always / Drive-Insane / Girlfeathers / I'm Cute
ANNOUNCER: It's time for another "Good Idea Bad Idea.
" Good idea: Dressing up for Halloween as a pirate.
Bad idea: Dressing up for Halloween as a piñata.
[KIDS CHEERING.]
The end.
[.]
ALL: It's time for Animaniacs And we're zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll laugh Till you collapse We're Animaniacs BOTH: Come join The Warner brothers And the Warner sister, Dot ALL: Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught But we break loose And then vamoose And now you know the plot We're Animaniacs Dot is cute and Yakko yaks Wakko packs away the snacks While Bill Clinton Plays the sax We're Animaniacs Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule The universe Goodfeathers flock together Slappy whacks 'em With her purse Buttons chases Mindy While Rita sings a verse The writers flipped We have no script Why bother to rehearse? We're Animaniacs We have pay-or-play Contracts We're zany to the max There's bologna In our slacks We're Animan-y Totally insane-y Shirley MacLaine-y Animaniacs Those are the facts [.]
[CROWD MUTTERING ANGRILY.]
People of Iraq-- [SCREAMING.]
[.]
You plunge into the fire And it's really hot You have to stay forever Whether you like it or not Where the torment Never ends [SCREAMING.]
You got fiery brimstone And demons for friends You're in Hades now For eternity Hope you're not too choosy 'Bout your company ALL: Ow! I so love a musical number.
Fetch me an insurance salesman.
I want to torment someone.
[ROCKS CRUMBLING.]
We're here.
Hate to tell you this, Wakko, but I don't think this is Six Flags Over Flushing.
On second thought, forget the insurance salesman.
Those three will do quite nicely.
Ah, this Thomas Bros.
map is ridiculous.
You see? We should have made a left in Cucamonga, and a right in Azusa.
I am Satan-- We're trying to figure something out.
Would you be a doll, hold that thought? Sorry.
Later, I'm gonna give you some makeup tips.
And another left at Roger Ebert's House of Pudding.
[ROARS.]
Some people always have to be the center of attention.
Little fools.
I am Beelzebub.
Lucifer.
The reaper of souls.
The really angry one.
I am Satan.
[LAUGHS.]
So that's nothing.
[IN A HARSH, RASPING VOICE.]
I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca III.
[CACKLES.]
Just a little thing I do.
You blundering dolts.
Don't you realize you've entered the fiery realm of Hades? Hades? [.]
Boy, they were right.
It didn't have a chance.
Silence.
And now prepare to suffer indescribable torment.
Another Bob Hope special? Worse.
Behold: Cerberus, the hound of Hades.
[GROWLING.]
Cerberus, my pet, toss these fools into the lake of fire, but slowly.
I want to watch them wiggle in agony.
How 'bout if we just wiggle here? [IN UNISON.]
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle-- Cease this at once.
Cerberus, my pet, throw them in.
Wanna meet my pet? [ROARS.]
[WHIMPERING.]
Hey, does George Hamilton know your tan's better than his? Silence! I don't want to hear another peep from you.
ALL: Peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep-- Stop peeping.
ALL: Peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep-- Ooh.
Beyond these doors is an agony worse than all others.
You will remain in here for eternity listening to whiny protest songs from the '60s.
Oh, I hate the government More than you and me The government Stole my goldfish And unplugged my TV [ALL SCREAM.]
Enjoy.
You dare mock the Prince of Darkness? Prince? Where? He's dreamy.
Not.
[ROARS.]
I can do that too.
Look at me, I'm a giraffe.
Ha! Silly mortal, I can grow taller than you.
Bet you can't.
You win.
[GRUNTS.]
Blasted horns.
I knew I should have gotten them trimmed.
Listen, if you're gonna hang around here all day, we-- We're gonna just take off.
I haven't had a day like this in some time.
[.]
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
Halt, you miserable mortals.
Great trick.
[WHISTLING.]
[WHISTLING.]
Yeah, good one, all right.
Do you know Siegfried and Roy? Do an impression.
Come on, do one.
Do an impression.
Yeah.
I'm really not very good at impressions.
WACKO: Oh, come on.
DOT: Just do it.
Just a couple.
Go ahead.
Okay, just a few.
Here's Curly Howard on a visit to Wisconsin.
[AS CURLY.]
Oh, Larry, jeez.
Moe, Larry, cheese.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Curly Howard ofThe Three Stooges, ladies and gentlemen.
My next rendering Huh? Huh? No! ["ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT" PLAYS.]
Get off that boat.
It goes to purgatory.
[.]
ALL: Purgatory, here we come So long Hate and devil's glum Where fires will spire into the night Where boulders will smolder Sizzling bright The afterlife's Cruel politics Sends us on the river Styx At our feet flames take their licks ALL: O purgatory, here we come YAKKO: Well, I guess the worst of it is behind us.
[THUNDER CRASHING.]
Now, foolish mortals, you will know the awesome fury and power of my revenge.
Prepare yourselves for an eternity of terror.
[AS CAPTAIN KIRK.]
Wakko, anything in your gag-bag that can handle this? No, Yakko.
Dot, comments, analysis.
Nothing, Yakko.
Bones.
Darn it, Yakko, I'm a doctor, not a magician.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Well, looks like it's up to me.
Freeze-frame! [GROWLS.]
You've frozen everything.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to get the pilot lit? Get out! [THUMPING.]
[CHOIR SINGING.]
Darn.
This isn't Six Flags Over Flushing either.
I am Saint Pe-- Would you be a doll and hold that thought? [.]
[.]
[CROAKS.]
[CROAKS.]
[CROAKS.]
[CROAKS.]
WOMAN: Doodle-dum-da, doodle-dee Da-doodle-doodle-dee Da-doodle-doodle-dee It's not pretty being me Da-doodle-doodle-dee Da-doodle-doodle-dee Da-doodle, doodle-dee [WOLF WHISTLES.]
[SLOT MACHINE CLICKING.]
[BELL RINGING.]
[ACCORDION PLAYS.]
Dear diary, another lonely day is coming to a close, and I have not yet found that [SIGHS.]
special someone.
[OLD-FASHIONED CAR HORN HONKS.]
[.]
It seems so very unfair that I have no one to share life's tender moments.
Someone warm and kind, with really rich parents.
[SIGHS.]
Oh well, tomorrow's another day.
Your faithful servant, Minerva Mink.
MAN: Doo, da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo, uh-hoo, da-doo, da-doo Da-doo, doo-doo, uh-hoo Da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo, da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo, da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo-doo Minerva Mink, er, um, would you go out with Wilford B.
Wolf, are you asking me out on a date? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I suppose I could wear something sleek and scandalous.
Ooh, I'd like that.
And I suppose we'll take a long romantic walk under the starlight.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
[DUCKS QUACKING.]
And I'll probably cuddle up close and cozy.
Ooh.
And whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
[ALARM BLARING.]
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Well, not in this life, bub! I can't feel my legs.
MINERVA: La, la, la, la La-la-la La, la-la, la-la Dee-dee, dee-dee, dee-dee Dee-dee, dee-dee, dee, dee [CLEARS THROAT.]
Be my love My turtledove The pretty little mink I'm dreaming of Girls have an innate weakness for musicians.
My one and only sweetie pie Hit the road, jack.
Ain't she neat? I wish Minerva would go out with me.
I've tried everything I could.
What else can I do but mourn my loss? [HOWLING.]
That does it.
This has got to stop.
[HOWLING.]
I'm feeling a tad strange.
[GROWLS.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[HOWLS.]
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
[.]
[HOWLS.]
I'm gonna give that howling fool a piece of my mind.
All right, Wilford, I've had enough of this.
Oh, hi, Minerva.
Hammina, hammina, hammina.
[CHEERING.]
[PANTS.]
Don't budge.
I'll be right back.
What's gotten into that gal? [SNEEZES.]
I must be coming down with something.
Sorry about that, lover-boy.
I wanted to slip into something morecomfy.
You like? You look peachy, Minerva, simply peachy.
[GASPS.]
You? What did you do with him? Who? Him.
Where is he? Oh, lover-boy? Where are you? Ollie, ollie, oxygen free! Just my luck.
I finally meet the hunk of my dreams and-- And he gets scared off by mondo-nerdo over there.
[.]
What a life.
Yahooey! My man! My, you're acting mighty strange.
Maybe tonight's not a good night to take a long romantic walk under the starlight.
Ooh, I'd like that.
We can snuggle up close and cozy.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
I'll whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
Kiss me, baby! Mm-mm.
[HOWLS.]
Wilford! What? Wh--? Say, what kind of crazy wolf are you, anyway? Were.
Were? You're a werewolf? Yup.
Wilford? Yes, Minerva? When is the next full moon gonna be? According to most lunar calendars, every 28 days.
Good things are worth waiting for.
[.]
It's The Mr.
Skullhead Show Starring him, Mr.
Skullhead Because it's his show That he has Mr.
Skullhead [CRASHING.]
[.]
[.]
[HUMMING.]
Ooh, interesting.
Alon calling.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Hello.
Alon.
Hello.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my goodness.
You have bony hands.
[PIANO PLAYS.]
I can help you.
You'd better come home with me.
[.]
[DOOR SHUTS.]
You must be so hungry.
You're nothing but skin and bones.
Oh, you're right.
You're nothing but bones.
[CHUCKLES.]
You'll have dinner with my family.
But first, I'm going to highlight your bone structure.
[.]
Alon has developed a whole new line of cosmetics, and I've been dying-- Oh, sorry.
I've wanted to try it out.
Hm.
I'd better call my Alon distributor on this one.
I don't know what to do when a client is skinless.
Son, you can stay here with us, but you'll have to make your own living.
Now, do you have any special skills? Look what he can do with his bony hands.
[.]
[GROWLING.]
Skullhead Boneyhands has a way with dogs, doesn't he? [.]
Oh, look how happy Skullhead Boneyhands has made Dog! Oh.
Well, I guess that's the end of Skullhead Boneyhands, everybody.
Great.
And I was gonna marry him.
ALL: That's The Mr.
Skullhead Show Starring him, Mr.
Skullhead And it's the end Of the show that he has Mr.
Skullhead [.]
Wanna see me make bubbles with my spit? Uhh Maybe later.
[.]
" Good idea: Dressing up for Halloween as a pirate.
Bad idea: Dressing up for Halloween as a piñata.
[KIDS CHEERING.]
The end.
[.]
ALL: It's time for Animaniacs And we're zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll laugh Till you collapse We're Animaniacs BOTH: Come join The Warner brothers And the Warner sister, Dot ALL: Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught But we break loose And then vamoose And now you know the plot We're Animaniacs Dot is cute and Yakko yaks Wakko packs away the snacks While Bill Clinton Plays the sax We're Animaniacs Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule The universe Goodfeathers flock together Slappy whacks 'em With her purse Buttons chases Mindy While Rita sings a verse The writers flipped We have no script Why bother to rehearse? We're Animaniacs We have pay-or-play Contracts We're zany to the max There's bologna In our slacks We're Animan-y Totally insane-y Shirley MacLaine-y Animaniacs Those are the facts [.]
[CROWD MUTTERING ANGRILY.]
People of Iraq-- [SCREAMING.]
[.]
You plunge into the fire And it's really hot You have to stay forever Whether you like it or not Where the torment Never ends [SCREAMING.]
You got fiery brimstone And demons for friends You're in Hades now For eternity Hope you're not too choosy 'Bout your company ALL: Ow! I so love a musical number.
Fetch me an insurance salesman.
I want to torment someone.
[ROCKS CRUMBLING.]
We're here.
Hate to tell you this, Wakko, but I don't think this is Six Flags Over Flushing.
On second thought, forget the insurance salesman.
Those three will do quite nicely.
Ah, this Thomas Bros.
map is ridiculous.
You see? We should have made a left in Cucamonga, and a right in Azusa.
I am Satan-- We're trying to figure something out.
Would you be a doll, hold that thought? Sorry.
Later, I'm gonna give you some makeup tips.
And another left at Roger Ebert's House of Pudding.
[ROARS.]
Some people always have to be the center of attention.
Little fools.
I am Beelzebub.
Lucifer.
The reaper of souls.
The really angry one.
I am Satan.
[LAUGHS.]
So that's nothing.
[IN A HARSH, RASPING VOICE.]
I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca III.
[CACKLES.]
Just a little thing I do.
You blundering dolts.
Don't you realize you've entered the fiery realm of Hades? Hades? [.]
Boy, they were right.
It didn't have a chance.
Silence.
And now prepare to suffer indescribable torment.
Another Bob Hope special? Worse.
Behold: Cerberus, the hound of Hades.
[GROWLING.]
Cerberus, my pet, toss these fools into the lake of fire, but slowly.
I want to watch them wiggle in agony.
How 'bout if we just wiggle here? [IN UNISON.]
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle-- Cease this at once.
Cerberus, my pet, throw them in.
Wanna meet my pet? [ROARS.]
[WHIMPERING.]
Hey, does George Hamilton know your tan's better than his? Silence! I don't want to hear another peep from you.
ALL: Peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep-- Stop peeping.
ALL: Peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep-- Ooh.
Beyond these doors is an agony worse than all others.
You will remain in here for eternity listening to whiny protest songs from the '60s.
Oh, I hate the government More than you and me The government Stole my goldfish And unplugged my TV [ALL SCREAM.]
Enjoy.
You dare mock the Prince of Darkness? Prince? Where? He's dreamy.
Not.
[ROARS.]
I can do that too.
Look at me, I'm a giraffe.
Ha! Silly mortal, I can grow taller than you.
Bet you can't.
You win.
[GRUNTS.]
Blasted horns.
I knew I should have gotten them trimmed.
Listen, if you're gonna hang around here all day, we-- We're gonna just take off.
I haven't had a day like this in some time.
[.]
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
Halt, you miserable mortals.
Great trick.
[WHISTLING.]
[WHISTLING.]
Yeah, good one, all right.
Do you know Siegfried and Roy? Do an impression.
Come on, do one.
Do an impression.
Yeah.
I'm really not very good at impressions.
WACKO: Oh, come on.
DOT: Just do it.
Just a couple.
Go ahead.
Okay, just a few.
Here's Curly Howard on a visit to Wisconsin.
[AS CURLY.]
Oh, Larry, jeez.
Moe, Larry, cheese.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Curly Howard ofThe Three Stooges, ladies and gentlemen.
My next rendering Huh? Huh? No! ["ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT" PLAYS.]
Get off that boat.
It goes to purgatory.
[.]
ALL: Purgatory, here we come So long Hate and devil's glum Where fires will spire into the night Where boulders will smolder Sizzling bright The afterlife's Cruel politics Sends us on the river Styx At our feet flames take their licks ALL: O purgatory, here we come YAKKO: Well, I guess the worst of it is behind us.
[THUNDER CRASHING.]
Now, foolish mortals, you will know the awesome fury and power of my revenge.
Prepare yourselves for an eternity of terror.
[AS CAPTAIN KIRK.]
Wakko, anything in your gag-bag that can handle this? No, Yakko.
Dot, comments, analysis.
Nothing, Yakko.
Bones.
Darn it, Yakko, I'm a doctor, not a magician.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Well, looks like it's up to me.
Freeze-frame! [GROWLS.]
You've frozen everything.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to get the pilot lit? Get out! [THUMPING.]
[CHOIR SINGING.]
Darn.
This isn't Six Flags Over Flushing either.
I am Saint Pe-- Would you be a doll and hold that thought? [.]
[.]
[CROAKS.]
[CROAKS.]
[CROAKS.]
[CROAKS.]
WOMAN: Doodle-dum-da, doodle-dee Da-doodle-doodle-dee Da-doodle-doodle-dee It's not pretty being me Da-doodle-doodle-dee Da-doodle-doodle-dee Da-doodle, doodle-dee [WOLF WHISTLES.]
[SLOT MACHINE CLICKING.]
[BELL RINGING.]
[ACCORDION PLAYS.]
Dear diary, another lonely day is coming to a close, and I have not yet found that [SIGHS.]
special someone.
[OLD-FASHIONED CAR HORN HONKS.]
[.]
It seems so very unfair that I have no one to share life's tender moments.
Someone warm and kind, with really rich parents.
[SIGHS.]
Oh well, tomorrow's another day.
Your faithful servant, Minerva Mink.
MAN: Doo, da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo, uh-hoo, da-doo, da-doo Da-doo, doo-doo, uh-hoo Da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo, da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo, da-doo, da-doo, da-doo Doo-doo Minerva Mink, er, um, would you go out with Wilford B.
Wolf, are you asking me out on a date? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I suppose I could wear something sleek and scandalous.
Ooh, I'd like that.
And I suppose we'll take a long romantic walk under the starlight.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
[DUCKS QUACKING.]
And I'll probably cuddle up close and cozy.
Ooh.
And whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
[ALARM BLARING.]
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Well, not in this life, bub! I can't feel my legs.
MINERVA: La, la, la, la La-la-la La, la-la, la-la Dee-dee, dee-dee, dee-dee Dee-dee, dee-dee, dee, dee [CLEARS THROAT.]
Be my love My turtledove The pretty little mink I'm dreaming of Girls have an innate weakness for musicians.
My one and only sweetie pie Hit the road, jack.
Ain't she neat? I wish Minerva would go out with me.
I've tried everything I could.
What else can I do but mourn my loss? [HOWLING.]
That does it.
This has got to stop.
[HOWLING.]
I'm feeling a tad strange.
[GROWLS.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[HOWLS.]
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
[.]
[HOWLS.]
I'm gonna give that howling fool a piece of my mind.
All right, Wilford, I've had enough of this.
Oh, hi, Minerva.
Hammina, hammina, hammina.
[CHEERING.]
[PANTS.]
Don't budge.
I'll be right back.
What's gotten into that gal? [SNEEZES.]
I must be coming down with something.
Sorry about that, lover-boy.
I wanted to slip into something morecomfy.
You like? You look peachy, Minerva, simply peachy.
[GASPS.]
You? What did you do with him? Who? Him.
Where is he? Oh, lover-boy? Where are you? Ollie, ollie, oxygen free! Just my luck.
I finally meet the hunk of my dreams and-- And he gets scared off by mondo-nerdo over there.
[.]
What a life.
Yahooey! My man! My, you're acting mighty strange.
Maybe tonight's not a good night to take a long romantic walk under the starlight.
Ooh, I'd like that.
We can snuggle up close and cozy.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
I'll whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
Kiss me, baby! Mm-mm.
[HOWLS.]
Wilford! What? Wh--? Say, what kind of crazy wolf are you, anyway? Were.
Were? You're a werewolf? Yup.
Wilford? Yes, Minerva? When is the next full moon gonna be? According to most lunar calendars, every 28 days.
Good things are worth waiting for.
[.]
It's The Mr.
Skullhead Show Starring him, Mr.
Skullhead Because it's his show That he has Mr.
Skullhead [CRASHING.]
[.]
[.]
[HUMMING.]
Ooh, interesting.
Alon calling.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Hello.
Alon.
Hello.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my goodness.
You have bony hands.
[PIANO PLAYS.]
I can help you.
You'd better come home with me.
[.]
[DOOR SHUTS.]
You must be so hungry.
You're nothing but skin and bones.
Oh, you're right.
You're nothing but bones.
[CHUCKLES.]
You'll have dinner with my family.
But first, I'm going to highlight your bone structure.
[.]
Alon has developed a whole new line of cosmetics, and I've been dying-- Oh, sorry.
I've wanted to try it out.
Hm.
I'd better call my Alon distributor on this one.
I don't know what to do when a client is skinless.
Son, you can stay here with us, but you'll have to make your own living.
Now, do you have any special skills? Look what he can do with his bony hands.
[.]
[GROWLING.]
Skullhead Boneyhands has a way with dogs, doesn't he? [.]
Oh, look how happy Skullhead Boneyhands has made Dog! Oh.
Well, I guess that's the end of Skullhead Boneyhands, everybody.
Great.
And I was gonna marry him.
ALL: That's The Mr.
Skullhead Show Starring him, Mr.
Skullhead And it's the end Of the show that he has Mr.
Skullhead [.]
Wanna see me make bubbles with my spit? Uhh Maybe later.
[.]