Abbott Elementary (2021) s01e13 Episode Script

1 Let me see these permission slips to the zoo.
And they better be real, 'cause I can tell if you faked a Herbie Hancock.
Oh, it's John Hancock.
Girl, I know.
I just say whatever I want.
You ain't learned that yet? Chad, did you forge your mom's signature? No? It says "Chad's Mom.
" That's her name? You're staying behind with the rest of the kids who don't have permission slips.
Come on.
I love field trips.
I get to do "Mr.
Johnson's Day Off.
" That's when I watch "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," which is a movie about a depressed kid who murders his father's Ferrari.
Mr.
Johnson, sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but these kids need to stay with you.
Well, looks like Ava switched this day from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" to "The Breakfast Club.
" Life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop every once in a while to take a look, you might Missed one.
Come on in.
It's zoo time! I got some free chaperones so that I could save money We could save money! One of whom is my daughter, Taylor.
And Taylor lives in New York City! Boo! Boo! O-Oh, sorry.
I heard people booing New York, and my instinct just kicked in.
You knew they were gonna do that.
Okay, class, this is Oh, I guess you've already met Zach.
Yeah, Scrub and Bubbles will take that mark right off.
But you got to use the foam, not the spray.
Uh, Tariq, you cannot trade a sandwich.
You need to eat your sandwich.
I pay taxes.
I ain't gotta eat no sandwich.
Janine, there can't be any mishaps.
I didn't exactly "fill out" the paperwork for the school district.
Wait.
Then why are we going? 'Cause I wanna go to the zoo, so keep your man in check.
Tariq's been doing great.
He's been doing shows for F.
A.
D.
E.
, that drug prevention program, all around Philly.
And he has been waking up at 11:50 to get a jump on his day.
So proud.
I don't know why people act like it's hard to watch kids, anyway.
Watch this.
Hey, when I move, you move.
Just like that! When I move, you move.
Just like that! When I move, you move.
Just like that! Hold up.
I'm missing a kid.
This one of yours? I found him hiding inside a trash bag.
I almost threw him out.
Kenny, yeah.
Come on, man.
Thank you, Mr.
Johnson.
Can I go to the water zoo instead? You mean the aquarium? N-Next time, buddy.
Go ahead, sit down.
- Is Kenny okay? - Yeah, he's just a little nervous about going into second grade.
Oh, I get it.
New experiences can be tough.
Which I get.
I remember the first time I had clam chowder.
'Cause it was yesterday, and it was awful.
Hey, you know, I'm probably gonna be Kenny's 2nd grade teacher.
Why don't you just let him get a head start with me today? - That'd be great.
Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.
Hey, Kenny, would you like to be in my group today? Uh, not really.
That's the spirit.
I got 'em.
Go ahead.
All right, now, has everybody used the bathroom? This is your last chance! Were we this crazy when I was in your class? No.
And I blame "Real Housewives.
" The kids watch with their mothers, and every season, a new beast is created.
Wha Don't bite me with your fake Gucci jacket! All right, sit down! And every Just relax, okay? Just relax! Mrs.
Howard, I've gotta use the bathroom.
Party bus! If you're excited, say, "Yass!" Okay.
What big cat's everybody gonna see first? - Lions! - Lion! That's right.
Boom.
Meow, y'all! What? Ava, you really had to change into that? Of course I did.
The zoo is a Mecca for single dads.
Better pickings than a Sunday brunch up in there.
Now, who ready for the zoo?! Me! The ♪ Wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ Round and round ♪ Round and round ♪ Okay.
So, just remember, everyone needs to be with their buddy, and if you see someone, like, start to meander off - Bruh! - What? I just got an e-mail from F.
A.
D.
E.
headquarters.
Oh, no.
Did they have a problem with one of your performances? - Yeah.
- Oh.
Yeah, they got a problem with me not doing more of them.
- Wait.
What? - Oh, man.
I didn't want to jinx it by telling you, but they want me to do a whole tour, like, every elementary school in New York and record a whole album of, like, anti-meth songs called "Meth-od To My Madness.
" Oh! It just got confirmed.
Oh, my goodness! Everybody catchin' F.
A.
D.
E.
fades.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my gosh, Tariq! - This is incredible! - I know, it's wild.
It's crazy to think that I, Tariq Temple, could single-handedly stop drug use in all of America.
Well, I am really proud of you, baby.
This is everything you've been working for.
It's everything we've been working for.
- Yeah.
- This is crazy.
So, does this mean that you're going to be working full-time in New York City? I mean, yeah, at least for, like, the next year, right? You know.
Whoo! Jadakiss don't even know, but we 'bout to have, like, the craziest rap beef in rap beef history.
'Cause you know, he stole my laugh.
A-ha! A-ha! She doesn't know about that.
Yeah.
Well, this is just such amazing news, Tariq.
Wow.
Yeah.
I gotta call 'em back.
We moving to New York, baby! - Wait.
What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I gotta talk to, uh, Mr.
F.
A.
D.
E.
What do you mean there's no Mr.
F.
A.
D.
E.
? - Two, three - There you go.
Right there.
Yeah.
When I move, you move.
Just like that! - Uh, yeah, that's all of them.
- Yeah.
- I can hear it.
- Come on, let's go.
Come on, guys.
Okay.
So, what's your plan? I don't know.
I mean, New York is really far.
Far for me, anyway.
I've never lived anywhere outside of Philly.
And, I don't know, there are a lot of schools there that could use a teacher like me.
But I just refilled my transit pass, and I don't know, maybe this is just, like, that moment Okay.
I just meant what exhibit did you plan on hitting first? Oh, um, the flamingos? Oh, hey, 'Neen! That's the best neck I ever seen.
Look.
- Come on.
- Okay, kids, come on.
Let's play a game called "How many animals do you spot on the way to getting Ms.
Schemmenti a hot pretzel?" This one looks best on me.
Now take a candid of me walking in, and I'll tell you when.
Oh! You like dancing? Well, this dance is called "the vac it up.
" I heard it's going viral.
You, plug it in.
I want y'all to take turns and have fun.
All right, children, get ready to see my favorite animal The tuatara! It's a lizard that arrived here at the zoo the same year I started teaching.
What? Where's Oh, excuse me.
Where's Duster? Oh, he's in a reserve.
When the stimulation here gets to be too much, - we retire them.
- Retire them? But he's been here as long as I've been coming.
Cycle of life.
Oh.
Melissa, they have retired my Duster.
Retired like my Uncle Anthony or retired like my Uncle Tony? It's just a lizard, Barb.
Duster is a tuatara.
He is an institution that I have been coming here to visit for 30 years.
He's been working as long as I have! Retirement? Okay, guys, let's give Mrs.
Howard a minute.
Move out.
And that is how birds are related to dinosaurs.
Ooh! Theropods, to be exact, which means they're bipedal.
Come on.
Do your job, son.
Macaws need a variety Hey.
Kenny, how you doing? You, uh, enjoying learning about that bird life? I guess.
You know, Kenny, I hear you're worried about going to the second grade.
But it really isn't that big a change.
It's, like, two nickels' worth.
Yeah, you'll have all the same friends, and it'll be in the same place.
- Really? - Yeah.
That's good, I guess.
Yeah, it isn't like you'd be moving to a new city where you maybe don't know anyone except for one person.
And maybe that person isn't even thinking about how this is gonna affect you.
It's just crazy.
All right.
Let's regroup after the bird show, all right? That's a parakeet.
How's Kenny? Oh.
He's okay.
Um Definitely scared, but I get it.
Change can be scary.
But you know that better than anyone You know, as a sub.
You're here one day and in a totally different school tomorrow.
Well, not anymore, actually.
Just got this today.
You're full-time? Yeah, Abbott is a special place.
And you helped me realize that, so thank you.
Yeah.
Is there a skunk around here? Because my eyes are watering.
I got you a clam chowder since you loved it so much yesterday.
Oh! They sell clam chowder at the zoo? In In a bowl you can eat.
Yay! And it helps with the search for food.
And that's why you don't feed a bird any meat, kids, because then they'll revert back into a T.
Rex.
Now, who wants to go on a real tour?! Come on! I'm about to show y'all how I do.
I should probably go with her so they don't wind up on the news.
- You Do you want some? - No, I just had some.
- You sure? - It's all for you.
I heard about Tariq's new gig.
The zoo is buzzing.
Yeah.
I'm really happy for Tariq.
Can't imagine Abbott without you.
I really can't imagine not being at Abbott.
I can't, um I'm I'm gonna go, uh, find some, uh, hippos.
Um Guys.
- Careful.
- Slow down, now.
Careful, careful.
Are you at least having a good day at the zoo, Barb? You know, one of the last things I get to do with my students before they move on to first grade is to come out here and visit with Duster, and class after class, they graduate, and it seems like ol' Barbara is in the same place.
And I just don't know if I have the energy for this anymore.
Maybe I should just move on.
Wow.
Been kind of thinking the same thing lately.
What, you're thinking about quitting teaching? No.
I'm thinking about Wait, you're thinking about quitting teaching? Yeah, you know, none of these dinosaurs is actually real, you know, or else we'd all be a meal.
Oh, wait! That's a bar.
You know, dinosaurs, they been extinct, went bye bye bye like NSYNC.
T.
Rex, he's the meanest, got little arms, - can't even touch his - Tariq! Tariq.
head because all the dinosaurs is dead.
Except me.
Rawr! Raar! Raar! - Hey, baby.
- Hi.
This is fun.
I wanted to talk to you about New York.
Yes, yes, okay.
So, I've been looking at some apartments and seeing the pricing, and, whoa, buddy, can't swing that.
Yeah.
So I've been looking at some really roomy closets in, like, Bushwick.
- You know? - This is, um It's a really big conversation.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And, look, I don't want to force any decisions on your behalf.
You know I'm a feminist.
That's why I let you pay for all my stuff, and Yeah, and I appreciate that.
Um, it's just that you know how much I love my job, and you know how much I love Philly.
And, um What are you thinking, 'Neen? Just You know how when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon? Are we talking, like, monarch butterfly? No, I, um I guess what I'm saying You know what? Never mind.
Cool.
Wait, I think you're missing a kid.
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
When I move, you move! Just like that! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're down one backup singer.
That's supposed to have more bass in it.
Kenny! Yes, yes, Kenny.
That's my bass.
Kenny.
Oh, my God.
We lost Kenny.
I lost Kenny.
I lost a kid.
I'm negligent.
Damn.
You're supposed to be the boring, dependable one.
This is an unsanctioned field trip.
I'm not doing jail time for you.
Melissa, get zoo security to make an announcement.
- On it.
- Jacob, Zach, I need you to check the buses thoroughly, - then stand near the exit.
- Let's go.
Gregory, Janine, check the zoo balloon in case Kenny goes airborne.
- Kids love balloons.
- Okay.
Tariq, Ava, stay here with the other children.
- Got it.
- Taylor, watch them.
Kenny! Y'all stay together now.
Kenny! Kenny! Kenny? Oh, my God.
I cannot believe I lost him.
- What I was thinking? - It's alright.
Kenny! I have been through this many times before.
The worst was 2005.
A child by the name of August got lost in The Hershey Factory, looking for a chocolate river.
Mnh! Kondo, you so crazy.
I am so bored.
Oh, you're bored? Then write me a one-page essay due by the end of the day.
About what? Um, how about superheroes? Can I just draw? Whatever it takes to keep you out of my hair.
Sir, you are bald.
Kenny! Kenny.
Gregory, I found him.
- I got it, I got it.
- Uh, are you sure? Yeah.
Hey, Kenny.
We were so worried about you.
Are you all right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey, uh, excuse me, sir.
- Hmm? - We We need to get off.
- Too late, little lady.
As the saying goes, once the gate's closed, it's away we goes! Well, this should be interesting.
Janine was afraid of heights going up a ladder, and now she's much higher.
Over there is the new Schuylkill Boardwalk.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey, could you let go of my hand, please? - Oh.
- Check that out if you can.
Are you afraid, Ms.
Teagues? Yes.
Ms.
Teagues is afraid of heights.
You know, I gotta tell you, watching you snap into Super Barbara Mode, that really took me back to when we started working at Abbott.
That was back when I used to dress like Janine.
You're not a turturro.
- Tuatara.
- Whatever.
My point is, unlike the fancy lizard, no one's gonna take you and put you in the back.
I mean, it's up to you.
My opinion You've gotten better with age.
Like good wine and Stanley Tucci.
Well, you know, maybe one day, I will pack it in.
But today is not that day.
Mnh-mnh.
Is that a water ice? I was looking for the kid while I was getting it.
Kenny, it was very scary when you ran away.
Everyone was worried about you.
And we need to get off this balloon.
Look, second grade is gonna be incredible.
You're gonna love it just as much as first grade Maybe even more.
And sometimes, the best things you can ever do are the scary things.
And they help you grow.
You can see William Penn really well from up here.
And you're gonna have a pretty cool teacher to help you every step of the way.
So we're gonna do this together, you know? We're going to love it, even if it scares us.
So now do you love being on this balloon? No, I'm still very scared.
But I'm gonna try to be brave and stand up.
Okay.
Let's look over the side! Oh, da da da! Not that brave yet.
- Ms.
Teagues? - Huh? You're squeezing me.
Ohh.
Whoo! There we go.
Oh, my God.
What a ride.
Did you see me up there? I am so happy that Kenny is fine and that we're gonna get him to the second grade, but, like, I don't know.
What a rush! I can make changes.
And change is good.
Everyone's making changes.
I am always out of breath.
It's like What is that? Because I feel like I should get that checked out.
Ooh! You did that, baby.
That's crazy.
I was You was up in the sky.
I was I was scared, honestly.
I was very scared.
I started rapping when I was scared.
I was like That's my little balloon baby ♪ Stay away from them squirrels ♪ You might get them new rabies ♪ Tariq, I'm so proud of you.
You've worked really hard, and now you're getting your big break.
Well, you know, it's a little break, but I'm grateful for it, like how I'm grateful for you.
Tariq, I think our lives are going down different paths.
I think we should take a break.
A break from what, 'Neen? I don't want to move to New York.
So you want to do long distance? No.
I want us to take a break for the time that you're in New York.
I'm sorry.
We've been together since bag lunches.
- Like - I know.
I'm jelly, you're peanut butter.
I know, Tariq.
I-I don't What did that Kenny kid say to you in the balloon? I knew he wasn't my dawg.
I think we have this opportunity to figure out who we are without each other.
I know I need that time.
So, can I use that time to smash other people or nah? Mm.
One last one for the road? Yeah.
I'm so glad they found that kid.
I thought I was gon' lose my job again.
Choo-choo! All aboard the fun bus.
Come on! Now that was a good silly voice.
- Well, thank you.
- Mm.
We are amused.
I'm excited for next year.
This is what it looks like when I'm excited.
But at the end of the day, it wasn't a hard decision to stay here.
Abbott is a special place with a lot of really special people.
You've come a long way, Miss Teagues.
And I'm happy you're staying at Abbott.
It's where you belong.
Thank you, Mrs.
Howard.
Excuse me.
Sit down! The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ Abbott Elementary is a special place.
I knew it when I got here.
Just now, I feel like I'm part of it.
I'm one of these great teachers.
This is what I'm meant to do.
The wipers on the bus ♪ It's gonna be great.
And I'm gonna be fine.
We all are.
"Dear Mr.
Johnson, we know we couldn't go to the zoo because we didn't have signed permission slips.
But we think it's bananas to make us write about "what superhero is our favorite" Because our real heroes are our teachers.
They don't have cool powers like Spider-Man or invisible cars like Wonder Woman - Oh! - some of them can't afford cars But they still are our heroes.
Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Abbott Elementary Breakfast Club.
That's trash.