Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s01e13 Episode Script

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola - The food is delicious.
- Mmm.
Yes, very good.
They put on a nice wedding here, too.
Are you thinking of one couple in particular? A mother can dream, right? - So can aunties.
- Aw So what's the first step? Abishola needs to finalize her divorce in Nigeria.
And they'll need to start looking into neighborhood schools for Dele.
And I'll have my lawyer draw up a prenup.
What? Well, it's just this thing you sign to make sure everybody hangs on to what's theirs.
We know what it is.
But why does Abishola need one? Do you think she wants Bob's money? No, but it's a family business, and it needs to stay in the family.
But wouldn't Abishola be a part of the family? Well, yeah.
Sorta.
UNCLE TUNDE: Do you remember a moment ago, you asked us to tell you when you are being offensive? It's happening now.
AUNTIE OLU: Dele, get the door.
Tunde, move it.
(FOOTSTEPS) Kaale.
Kaale, Bob.
My mother will be right out.
Great.
Where's your auntie and uncle? Hiding.
They don't want to talk to you because you are the son of a monster.
Hey, you don't get to pick your mom.
(CHUCKLES) All right.
So how's it going with you? How's school? Fine.
Your mom says they're moving you up to an Advanced Placement math class.
- They are.
- That's exciting.
Yes.
You're not really selling the excitement.
I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna grab some water.
Thank you, Tunde.
UNCLE TUNDE: You're welcome, Bob.
You gonna come out? AUNTIE OLU (WHISPERS): Tell him no.
UNCLE TUNDE: No.
Okay.
Would you like an ice cube? AUNTIE OLU: No ice cubes for him.
UNCLE TUNDE: Oh.
N-Never mind.
Ready? Wow.
You look great.
Hang on.
Thank you.
UNCLE TUNDE: You're welcome.
They're a fun couple.
("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) - To us.
- To us.
It was so nice to see Dele tonight.
He's a good kid.
Yes, he is.
Thank you.
He's a bit of a Glum Gus, though, isn't he? Glum Gus? Oh, you know, he's not a big smiler or laugher, anything pleasant.
My son is a very happy boy.
I'm sure he is.
He just seems like he's under a lot of pressure.
If you mean the pressure to succeed, then yes.
That's cool.
Just keep an eye on the shower drain in case his hair starts falling out.
Dele is fine.
I didn't say that he wasn't.
He is ambitious, hardworking and focused.
And a little sad.
You know they make the Caesar salad right at the table? It's quite a show.
You have no business telling me about my son.
I didn't mean anything by it.
He just seems so serious for a kid his age.
- Eh? And what's wrong with being serious? - Nothing.
And let's let that be the end of it and the beginning of a nice dinner.
Well, we know who Dele gets the serious thing from.
Boy, if looks could kill, I'd be (QUIETLY): All right.
HOST (OVER TV): You know how our game is played.
CONTESTANT: Yes, I watch - You are home early.
- Where is Dele? I-In his room.
Poor Dele.
Are you unhappy? Excuse me? "Excuse me?" Are you a Glum Gus? - Am I putting too much pressure on you? - No.
Good.
Then you need to smile more.
- Why? - This is America.
We have to look happy, even if we're not.
- Okay.
- But you are happy? - Yes.
- If something was wrong, you would tell me? - Yes.
- Good.
Because if you did not, you would be in big trouble.
Let me see you smile.
You need to work on that.
MAN (OVER TV): Hi, nice to meet you.
WOMAN: Hello.
How are you? MAN: I'm good.
How's tonight? - Douglas? - Yeah? Come over and sit next to me, honey.
Okay.
(GRUNTS) - Knock it off! - Aah! Hey.
You're home early.
Yeah.
- Everything okay? - Not really.
Anything to eat in here? I thought you went out to dinner.
Yeah, I thought so, too.
You want to talk about it? Nope.
Grapes.
Good choice.
Oh.
Sit here.
Watch her right hand.
It's still got some snap.
So, tell me.
Oh, everything was fine.
I was talking about how great her son is.
- I made one little critique and - Stop.
- What? - You're wrong.
I didn't tell you what I said.
It doesn't matter what you said.
No single mother wants to hear her child be criticized by some random guy.
I'm not random.
In the eyes of God, you are.
We all are.
Okay, that was random.
A-And what I said was true.
Her kid's depressed.
She refuses to see it.
Douglas? Tell him.
Rule number one for dating single moms: never give parenting advice.
I mean, never.
Even if the little guy's in the basement making a suit out of human skin, you keep your mouth shut.
And yet you kept seeing his mother.
I'm going to sleep.
Sweet dreams, sad man.
Geez, I don't even know I'm doing it.
Well, now you know! Sounds like he's just trying to help.
Hey, I don't need his help.
My son is fine.
Straight A's and an honor student.
And that's all that matters.
What mother would not choose a smart, sad child over a happy, dumb one? He is not sad.
Are you sure? 'Cause every time I see him He is not sad.
And why would he be? (PHONE VIBRATES) Ah, Chukwuemeka.
The bee wants more honey.
What? He texts me all day long.
Loves the emojis.
Look.
I miss you, Kemi.
(LAUGHS) Man, you really did a number on his head.
I did a lot of things on his head.
ABISHOLA: I don't understand.
Do you like him or not? I like that he likes me.
Ugh.
Kemi, that is not enough.
Hmm.
Maybe I misspoke.
When I said "he likes me," I meant he worships me.
Oh, come on.
Kemi, I worship you.
The only problem we have is his mother.
She disapproves of me, so I have no choice but to keep seeing him.
Shouldn't you respect her opinion? I do respect it.
That's why I wait till after she's asleep before I sneak into his apartment and let him worship my brains out.
So you can't be making no noise.
No.
And it's not easy.
At the moment of truth, I have a tendency to squeak.
Oluwa mi o.
Now, when you say "squeak," you mean like a dolphin or like a mouse? More like a leaky balloon.
(SQUEAKING) (LAUGHS) (KNOCK ON DOOR) You wanted to see us, Mr.
Wheeler? Yeah, guys, come on in, sit.
Is everything okay? Not really.
I-I got a personal problem.
- Oh, good.
- It's not good.
That is what I said.
GOODWIN: Don't mind him.
He's just relieved that we are not here as your employees.
We are here as your buddies.
Yes.
So, what is up, buddy? Abishola's mad at me 'cause I said she puts too much pressure on her kid.
And so now you need a new girlfriend.
No, I just need to know how to fix it.
And I just told you: get a new girlfriend.
Come on.
It can't be that bad.
I'm afraid it is.
You have criticized the way a Nigerian woman brings up her child.
As the saying goes, you have gone to the bathroom in the bed on this one.
- Number two, Mr.
Wheeler.
- All right! It's bad, I get it.
But there's got to be some way to make it up to her.
I mean, I was just looking out for the kid.
And some women appreciate that.
But none of them are Nigerian.
GOODWIN: Oh.
I know.
You need to date a less stubborn woman.
Uh, maybe see if Match.
com is offering any single ladies from the country of Ghana.
Yes.
As a people, they are very loosey-goosey.
I don't want another African.
I want Abishola.
Bob, buddy.
There comes a time when you have to move on.
And now is the time.
Mema wo tiri nkwa.
That's that? "Good luck," in Twi.
The language or your new Ghanaian girlfriend.
Trust us.
They're the Canadians of Africa.
NEWSMAN: razing or heavily damaging 30 homes Dele, did you take out the trash? Maybe he's sleeping.
Dele, did you take out the trash?! Go and check.
There were a few people on the streets, as the Cincinnati Archdiocese canceled classes at two inner-city Roman Catholic schools.
The police urge curiosity seekers He's not there.
- What do you mean he's not there? - He is not there.
A-And the window to his om is wide open.
So he has run away? And increased our heating bill.
AUNTIE OLU: Thank you for checking.
Sorry to bother you.
What about the Chinese girl he plays chess with? Call her.
You think he ran away to play chess? I think he ran away to play the Chinese girl.
- Has he called? - No.
Have you called the Chinese girl he plays chess with? See? (KNOCK ON DOOR) It's open.
- Hello.
- Dele.
Are you busy? Am I bothering you? No, no, no.
Come on in.
What are you doing here? - Are you with your mom? - No.
She's at work.
Does she know you're here? - No.
- Okay, what's going on? I need your help.
You have to tell my mom I don't want to be a doctor.
Well, couldn't you make up something easier, like you got a chick pregnant? I have to lie to her every day about what I'll be when I grow up.
And it makes me very sad.
Ha! I knew it.
What? Don't worry about it.
Here.
Here's the thing.
I want to help you.
I-I really do.
But do you know the phrase "don't shoot the messenger"? - No.
- Basically it means I'm not gonna tell her.
Please, Bob.
Well, how about we soften the blow? I-Is there anything else you-you want to be she might support? You know, like a lawyer, an accountant, an engineer.
I want to be a dance choreographer.
Aw, dude, that is not on her list.
No, it is not.
Just so we're clear, we're talking about musical theater, with all the jumping around and people singing what they're thinking? Yes.
Huh.
What if we start by telling her you got a chick pregnant, then we pull the old switcheroo? UNCLE TUNDE: Dele! ABISHOLA: Okay.
Okay, Auntie, call me the second you hear from him.
Dele! Dele! Ah, maybe he went to see Kemi.
(PHONE VIBRATING) KEMI (WHISPERING): Yes, what is it? ABISHOLA: Have you talked to Dele? No, I haven't.
Why are you whispering? I'm on a date.
Hold on.
CHUKWUEMEKA: Yes, Mummy, what? OGECHI: Is someone in here with you? - CHUKWUEMEKA: No.
- OGECHI: I thought I heard voices, and then a squeaking sound.
CHUKWUEMEKA: No, it's just me.
Come, let's talk in the kitchen.
- I'm hungry.
- OGECHI: It sounded like a leaky balloon.
Okay, so why would Dele be calling me? He snuck out of the house and went down the fire escape.
The fire escape? - That's good.
- Why is that good? It might not be.
I don't know yet.
What are you talking about, Kemi? Don't worry, he's a good boy.
He will show up.
He's probably at the library studying.
You think so? Mm-hmm.
Either that, or he's playing chess with that Chinese girl.
All right, all right, I'll let you know when I've heard from him.
Goodbye.
How late is the library open? (PHONE RINGING) Bob, I can't talk right now What? Okay, we'll be right there.
He's at Bob's work.
What's he doing there? I don't know.
Let's just go.
(SIGHS) This has turned into a very exciting night.
What? It has.
I got loyalty, got royalty inside my DNA I got power, poison, pain and joy inside my DNA I transform like this, perform like this Was Yeshua's new weapon, I don't - (MUSIC STOPS) - Wow.
You're really talented.
- I know.
- (LAUGHS) And your mom doesn't have a clue? I've been very careful.
Respect.
All right, when she gets here, let me talk first.
What will you say? I don't know, probably something I'll regret.
But I do understand where you're coming from.
You know, when I was your age, I had a dream, too.
You didn't always want to make socks? Don't be a wise guy.
I wanted to be a pro football announcer, like John Madden or Al Michaels.
I mean, how cool would it be to make a living watching a game you love and talking about it? - So, why didn't you? - I did for a while in college.
I was good at it, too.
But then my dad died, and I had to come home and run the business.
- That's very sad.
- Yeah, well, that's life.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what you gotta do.
So you think I should be a doctor.
No.
I think you got to chase your dream as long as you can.
Thanks, Bob.
And just so we're clear, if your mom asks if I encouraged you, I'm gonna lie my ass off.
Respect.
All right.
Where is he? He's okay.
He's in my office having a snack.
Why did he come to you? Uh, the truth? 'Cause he couldn't go to you.
Why not? I'm his mother.
He knows I love him more than my own life.
Does he? - What? - Oh, Bob.
All right, we all just need to stay calm.
- Don't tell me to stay calm! - See, that's the problem.
I can't tell you anything! Nobody can.
Oh, Bob.
Remember when I said I thought Dele was a little sad? - Yes.
- Well, I don't want to say I was right, because you are not now and have never been wrong.
But your son doesn't want to be a doctor.
Yes, he does.
That settles it.
I'll get the boy.
Look, hang on, Tunde.
I'm trying to help you.
The reason Dele is miserable is because what you want for him is not where his heart is.
Who cares where his heart is? Well, in Nigeria, maybe nobody.
But he's an American now, and we're real big on having dreams and stuff.
Eh.
And has he told you about these dreams of his? Uh, yeah, it came up.
What are they? What are they?! You know, I think it's best you heard from him.
- Like I do - When, when, when, when you see a star Star's always dripping with swag I pull up in a white Lambo For ma hood na call me Rambo (VOCALIZING) Star don't like to talk too much Star like to keep it cool Daz how star do But if you vex star, oh Star go give you two punch, too Yeah I'm a superstar layeee Sandal Kati lese mi oh Mo gda'de sori oba oni oh Daz how star do Ten milli, ten million for a show Daz how star do - Never - (MUSIC STOPS) So, how long have you been practicing behind my back? - Three years.
- Oh, Dele.
Tell me, how does a person make money doing this dancing and choreography? I don't know.
It just makes me happy.
"Happy.
" (CHUCKLES) You are an American.
I think the important thing here is the two of you - are communicating openly and honestly.
- Bob? Zip it.
Yes, you should zip it.
I'm still angry with you.
Sure.
Dele, you and me are good, right? Bob! Here's what you will do.
You will go to college and study medicine and this nonsense.
And when you graduate, you and I will sit down together, and I will decide what is next.
Thank you, Mum.
That's wonderful.
You're happy with that? Oh, Bob.
Come on.
Let's go home.
Uh, Abishola, y-you and me, we're back on, right? Maybe have that dinner? Hello? You'll call me? She'll call.
Chukwuemeka!