Cheaters (2022) s01e13 Episode Script
Episode 13
1
Oh, my God, I love you, Josh.
I love you too, Esther.
I love you so fucking much.
I love you so fucking much.
I can't wait for us to get married.
Oh, me too.
Can you stop copying me? Sorry.
Argh Argh, ow. Actually, can you
go on top for a bit? I've got cramp.
Yeah. Sorry.
Ready? Yeah.
OK.
I was thinking, erm, do you reckon
we should get a band?
What, like, for the wedding rings?
No, like a band rather than a DJ
for the wedding.
Oh. Er, right. Because wedding
bands can be fun, right?
Yeah, well, depends how much fun
you find a bunch of bald men playing
Mr Brightside.
I knew you'd be a snob about this.
Well, yeah, it's just much cheaper
to do it on a laptop, you know.
We know so many people who could
do it. I mean, I could do it.
No, you're not deejaying your
own wedding.
Yeah, look,
we've got ages to talk about this.
You, er, do you want some more porn
on?
Oh, no. No. Sorry.
Er, sorry. I'm just
I'm trying to be
a bit more present, you know?
Yeah. That's cool.
Yeah. Just let me,
let me focus for a minute. OK.
Yeah. That's it. Yeah?
A bit, a bit, a bit harder. Yeah.
Argh, argh! Argh.
Did, did you, er? Yeah.
Yeah? Oh, brilliant.
Yeah. You keep going, though, if you
want to, cos Yeah? Yeah. OK.
No, I should probably get to work,
actually. Yeah, fine.
# I've got an insecurity
# I get it when you're here with me
# I take it cos I'm being a man
# But I think it might be killing me
# What is love? What is hurt?
What is she saying?
# Let's get it back, who is he?
I could be the one who's playing
# I take it cos I'm being a man #
Hi, this is Fola. Leave a message
or just send a text like a normal
person.
Hey. Hey, it's me.
I've been, er, I've been thinking.
I'll just tell Dad
you're on a, on a work trip.
That makes sense.
And then we can sort it out together
another time.
Anyway, it'd be great to talk soon.
Last teabag, I'm afraid,
so I double-dipped.
You're hopeless.
Hey, I'm not the one sleeping on
the sofa.
Could you be with someone in
this situation?
Like, if they wanted to wank off in
a corner
as you shagged some random person?
I can't believe you're being such
a prude about this.
I mean, everyone has a kink.
Yeah, well, I don't.
Come on, course you do.
Maybe you just haven't found
yours yet,
but you most definitely do.
And you shouldn't treat him like
an alien
because he's worked out his.
It doesn't make him a bad person.
I wouldn't have expected you
to defend him.
Oh, no, I still think he's like
if a ham and cheese sandwich
was a person.
But at least he's got a little
bit of mustard on him now.
PHONE VIBRATES
Mind you, it could be worse.
Do you remember that older guy
I was seeing a few years back?
He wanted me to
Please stop there.
Fine, if you're not interested
in my disgusting wisdom,
I'd better get to work.
It's going to be all right, mate.
Promise.
SHE URINATES
So for the wedding, what were
you thinking, like, next summer?
Yeah, probably.
Well, I mean, why not this summer?
Won't it take us ages to save up?
Well, it's not like we want
anything fancy, is it? No way.
Something low-key.
Yeah, but weddings always end up
expensive, you know that.
TOILET FLUSHES
Well, we could just, like,
treat it like a party.
Yeah. Could do.
What, like this summer?
Well, I mean, like, we've waited
11 years to get to this point.
Like, why wait any longer,
you know? Why not sooner? What?
We know we want to do it,
why don't we just get on with it?
I mean, like, I think we have
to give notice and stuff
but we could do it in,
like, a month.
A month? Is that crazy?
I'm only crazy for you. Shut up.
Oh, fuck it, yeah. Let's do it.
I can look into the registry office
today
and, ooh, we could do it on, like,
a Tuesday if we have to.
And - oh, my God - why don't we do
our stag and hen do this weekend?
What, like a joint one?
Yeah. Remember my cousin did a
joint one?
They called it a "sten do".
Yeah, well, we're definitely
not calling it that.
SHE GASPS
Sten do.
Hi, it's Tim Regan.
You know what to do.
Did you miss your flight, Dad?
I bet you missed your flight,
because I'm at the airport
and you're not here.
You couldn't even be bothered
to tell me you didn't make it?
HE SIGHS
Hey, er, I'm waiting for my dad,
he was meant to be
I'm sure he'll be through in a
moment, sir.
No, I've been here for an hour
and there's still no sign of him.
Sir, you just have to be patient.
I've been patient,
and there's no need to call me sir.
I just need you to check,
so I can stop wasting my time,
whether or not a passenger
named Timothy Regan
was on the flight that got in from
New York.
Oh.
What's "oh"?
I have to stress that
the airline had no reason
to refuse your father from boarding.
The cabin crew are, of course,
fully trained
and, from what I've been told,
acted above and beyond throughout
VOICE GROWS DISTAN
Oh, my God, I love you, Josh.
I love you too, Esther.
I love you so fucking much.
I love you so fucking much.
I can't wait for us to get married.
Oh, me too.
Can you stop copying me? Sorry.
Argh Argh, ow. Actually, can you
go on top for a bit? I've got cramp.
Yeah. Sorry.
Ready? Yeah.
OK.
I was thinking, erm, do you reckon
we should get a band?
What, like, for the wedding rings?
No, like a band rather than a DJ
for the wedding.
Oh. Er, right. Because wedding
bands can be fun, right?
Yeah, well, depends how much fun
you find a bunch of bald men playing
Mr Brightside.
I knew you'd be a snob about this.
Well, yeah, it's just much cheaper
to do it on a laptop, you know.
We know so many people who could
do it. I mean, I could do it.
No, you're not deejaying your
own wedding.
Yeah, look,
we've got ages to talk about this.
You, er, do you want some more porn
on?
Oh, no. No. Sorry.
Er, sorry. I'm just
I'm trying to be
a bit more present, you know?
Yeah. That's cool.
Yeah. Just let me,
let me focus for a minute. OK.
Yeah. That's it. Yeah?
A bit, a bit, a bit harder. Yeah.
Argh, argh! Argh.
Did, did you, er? Yeah.
Yeah? Oh, brilliant.
Yeah. You keep going, though, if you
want to, cos Yeah? Yeah. OK.
No, I should probably get to work,
actually. Yeah, fine.
# I've got an insecurity
# I get it when you're here with me
# I take it cos I'm being a man
# But I think it might be killing me
# What is love? What is hurt?
What is she saying?
# Let's get it back, who is he?
I could be the one who's playing
# I take it cos I'm being a man #
Hi, this is Fola. Leave a message
or just send a text like a normal
person.
Hey. Hey, it's me.
I've been, er, I've been thinking.
I'll just tell Dad
you're on a, on a work trip.
That makes sense.
And then we can sort it out together
another time.
Anyway, it'd be great to talk soon.
Last teabag, I'm afraid,
so I double-dipped.
You're hopeless.
Hey, I'm not the one sleeping on
the sofa.
Could you be with someone in
this situation?
Like, if they wanted to wank off in
a corner
as you shagged some random person?
I can't believe you're being such
a prude about this.
I mean, everyone has a kink.
Yeah, well, I don't.
Come on, course you do.
Maybe you just haven't found
yours yet,
but you most definitely do.
And you shouldn't treat him like
an alien
because he's worked out his.
It doesn't make him a bad person.
I wouldn't have expected you
to defend him.
Oh, no, I still think he's like
if a ham and cheese sandwich
was a person.
But at least he's got a little
bit of mustard on him now.
PHONE VIBRATES
Mind you, it could be worse.
Do you remember that older guy
I was seeing a few years back?
He wanted me to
Please stop there.
Fine, if you're not interested
in my disgusting wisdom,
I'd better get to work.
It's going to be all right, mate.
Promise.
SHE URINATES
So for the wedding, what were
you thinking, like, next summer?
Yeah, probably.
Well, I mean, why not this summer?
Won't it take us ages to save up?
Well, it's not like we want
anything fancy, is it? No way.
Something low-key.
Yeah, but weddings always end up
expensive, you know that.
TOILET FLUSHES
Well, we could just, like,
treat it like a party.
Yeah. Could do.
What, like this summer?
Well, I mean, like, we've waited
11 years to get to this point.
Like, why wait any longer,
you know? Why not sooner? What?
We know we want to do it,
why don't we just get on with it?
I mean, like, I think we have
to give notice and stuff
but we could do it in,
like, a month.
A month? Is that crazy?
I'm only crazy for you. Shut up.
Oh, fuck it, yeah. Let's do it.
I can look into the registry office
today
and, ooh, we could do it on, like,
a Tuesday if we have to.
And - oh, my God - why don't we do
our stag and hen do this weekend?
What, like a joint one?
Yeah. Remember my cousin did a
joint one?
They called it a "sten do".
Yeah, well, we're definitely
not calling it that.
SHE GASPS
Sten do.
Hi, it's Tim Regan.
You know what to do.
Did you miss your flight, Dad?
I bet you missed your flight,
because I'm at the airport
and you're not here.
You couldn't even be bothered
to tell me you didn't make it?
HE SIGHS
Hey, er, I'm waiting for my dad,
he was meant to be
I'm sure he'll be through in a
moment, sir.
No, I've been here for an hour
and there's still no sign of him.
Sir, you just have to be patient.
I've been patient,
and there's no need to call me sir.
I just need you to check,
so I can stop wasting my time,
whether or not a passenger
named Timothy Regan
was on the flight that got in from
New York.
Oh.
What's "oh"?
I have to stress that
the airline had no reason
to refuse your father from boarding.
The cabin crew are, of course,
fully trained
and, from what I've been told,
acted above and beyond throughout
VOICE GROWS DISTAN