Due South (1994) s01e13 Episode Script
An Eye for an Eye
Thank you.
Give me the money.
Money!Come on! This all the money you got? Yeah.
Take what you want.
Just leave me alone.
Keep your head down.
Keep it down, you understand? Okay.
'Safety on the street is a matter of common sense.
You must ask yourself ' Damn.
What? What? You must ask yourself what? 'You must ask yourself "Is it safe to walk in my neighborhood during the day or night?'" This neighborhood? Of course it's not safe.
It's a slum.
What kind of bozo comes up with a safety tip like that? The Mayor's Blue Ribbon Panel on Safety for Senior Citizens.
Yeah, a bunch of do-gooders sitting around solving other peoples problems, sipping on cappuccinos.
I'm dead, Fraser.
These people are gonna eat me alive.
They don't seem particularly threatening, Ray.
Old people just make me nervous.
Well you know, the aged are just like people, too.
Only they're older.
In the last five weeks, six of their neighbors have been beaten and robbed.
Nobody can I.
D.
the guy.
We got no leads, and division sends me down here to reassure them? They're gonna rip me limb from limb.
Hey, maybe I should get a night stick.
Ray.
- Okay, okay.
Diefenbaker.
Now don't be selfish.
I've told you, taking an hour out of your day to visit with the elderly can be as rewarding an experience for you as it is for them.
Come on.
When was the last time I asked you to do a good turn? No-no-no-no, that was different.
Those were orphans and that taffy pull was for charity.
Well, I shaved it out of your hair, didn't I? It's hopeless.
Step six.
How can I prevent myself from becoming a victim? Deadbolts.
That's correct.
Uh, purchase a strong deadbolt lock, and be sure to keep it fastened at all times.
I got a dead bolt.
It doesn't help when the door jam is rotting.
Yes, and uh, windows.
Make sure the windows are fastened with key lock mechanisms, And that bars are installed on all the lower levels.
Yeah.
Tell that to my landlord.
And while you're at it, tell him to put in a hot water heater.
Yes sir, we appreciate your plumbing problems but that's not what I'm here for.
Then what are you here for? You sure didn't do nothing when that animal attacked my mother! I want to know what you people are gonna do! It's an honest question.
Ray.
Well I realize that, Fraser, but the division doesn't want me to answer it.
They only want me to talk about deadbolts and window bars.
Well, perhaps these people don't consider that to be a realistic solution.
Damn right, it isn't.
Will you keep your voice down?! Yes, uh, when on the street, what is the best method of personal protection? Anyone? A positive attitude.
I'm merely suggesting, Ray, that one shouldn't allow fear to dictate one's actions.
Oh, and traveling in a group is good deterrent, and it can provide some pleasant companionship.
Fraser, these people aren't going lawn bowling.
They're trying to survive in an urban hellhole.
Well, they can try to survive in it alone, Ray, or they can meet the challenge.
But that's up to them.
It's easy for you to say.
Well yes, perhaps it is.
I haven't lived in this neighborhood as long as you have.
Where I come from, the challenges are quite different.
There are no drug dealers or pimps, few thieves to bother with.
There's only the environment.
And surviving in the face of it is the challenge of the Inuit.
A mother gives birth somewhere out on a glacier field, hundreds of miles from the nearest outpost.
And she knows the odds are stacked against her son even living to see the spring.
Disease, or lack of food, the elements.
And even if they should survive and he should grow to be a boy, she knows very well that all he has to do is lose his footing on the smooth surface of a glacier and that'll be that.
In other words, she should know that her son cannot live.
So, why should she try? Well, I know this woman.
I helped deliver her son.
She was weak and, uh, undernourished, but the next morning she stood up and she picked her child up into her arms and and she set out again into the blinding snow and I think I think that was the single most courageous act that I've ever seen.
This is what's wrong with you, Fraser.
You see a problem and you gotta fix it.
You can't even go to the men's room without stopping and telling some simple stupid charmingly witty Inuit story that inspires people to take on the worlds social ills! Well I'm sorry, Ray, but I fail to see how a small group of people banding together to form a neighborhood watch constitutes a form of political anarchy.
Well, at least this morning they had the good sense to be scared.
Now there's probably hordes of them wandering the streets doing God knows what.
Ray, that's just silly.
Remember, it's on your head.
If one of those old people so much as slips putting up a poster on that ice, just remember, you're the one they voted block captain.
I'll remember that.
Oh - what exactly is a block captain? You'll be needing these.
We ordered them the last time someone tried to do a watch in this neighborhood.
The guy got shot before he could get them out of the box.
So far, so good.
Thank you Mrs.
Fisher and Mr.
Porter.
Thank you very kindly.
Mr.
Rubens, there you go.
Can I keep it? Uh, no sir, I'm afraid not.
- Do I get a badge? None appear to have been provided.
How about a hat? That's nice.
You mean? -Yeah, your hat.
Oh well I'm -What size is it? It was 1942 and Benny Goodman was playing his bit at the Orpheus.
And I'm telling you, back at that time I could really cut a rug.
Would you like a taffy? Now if anybody bothers you, you take this, you put it to your lips and you blow as hard as you can.
Elaine? You think you can do that? Good.
You ready? On three.
One, two-- Good morning, Mr.
Colling.
I was hoping you'd join us.
I come here everyday.
What's new? The neighborhood watch.
We could use your help.
I'm busy.
Uh, well, yes, sir.
I can see that you are.
He keeps to himself.
Ah.
Shall we? No, this is my post! marked right here on the map! You're guarding my building?! You, who twice cheated me at canasta?! I didn't cheat you, old fool! You fell asleep and missed your turn.
Well, the neighborhood is definitely in safe hands now.
They just need a little drilling, Ray.
They'll get the hang of it.
Yeah, right.
Neighborhood watch meeting Thursday night, I hope you'll join us.
I double checked every statement.
I've interviewed the neighbors, I've talked to every shop keeper on the street.
Nobody's seen this guy, and even those who did can't describe him.
It's like the guy doesn't exist.
Well maybe he doesn't, Ray, at least not to the casual observer.
He follows people through the neighborhood, he beats and robs them, y et nobody notices him? Apparently so, but we do know he's in a position to notice them.
How else could he know his victim's movements well enough to know when to rob whom and when not to? Okay, so he notices them, they don't notice him, but he's here? He has to be.
Edith.
I'm on my way.
Edith! Edith? Hello? Hello?! Anybody there? Hello?! Hello?! Hello?! -Hello?!Who's there! Come in! There's screaming down in the passageway! Call the police! It's all right, Mr.
Porter, we're on our way! You see this face? You take a good look.
You come back here again, and it'll be the last face you'll ever see.
Hey.
Hey! Mrs.
Chaffey, are you all right? I seen him.
He was following me! Who? I don't know.
There was two of them.
Ray.
Now the attacker, was he the smaller man or the bigger one? I don't know.
By the time I looked they were both running away.
Okay, would it be safe to say that what you actually saw was two big blurs? Yes, I suppose it would.
Thank you very much, Mrs.
Chaffey.
You've been a great help.
No wonder he robs old people.
Well why Mrs.
Chaffey? It's broad daylight, she is wearing a red vest and carrying a walkie-talkie.
It's like mugging a bulls-eye.
It doesn't make sense.
Which is why he picked another victim.
And where's the victim.
Why did he run? Well, for the same reason people don't hang around to report crimes either too intimidated or too embarrassed.
-Maybe.
You got a weapon? I don't know.
Probably something big and blunt.
Vecchio, you'll get my report in the morning.
Come on! Come on! Great.
We got witnesses, we got evidence, we still got nothing.
What about this.
Look at this, by the right footprint.
It looks like a crutch.
Or something he was using as one.
Diefenbaker? - Hi, Gladys.
- Hello, how are you? Hi, Dief! Oh boy.
He's so embarrassed.
Now listen, I had no idea it would come to this.
I swear.
She's very nice, and there's a very nice dog biscuit in this for you, I promise.
Come on, Corky.
Dief Oh boy.
He's so embarrassed.
It's hideous.
It looks like his right heel is dragging.
He must have been injured in the assault.
The man he attacked was indeed bigger and, I think wait a minute.
It's this way.
He didn't climb it.
Well, maybe his ankle is-- Even a young man with an injury could step over a wall like this.
Okay, so he goes around the fence, he hits the sidewalk and the prints disappear.
Oh great, another dead end.
Gone.
The prints are still here.
The crutch is gone.
Maybe he pitched it.
There.
Aw, no, Fraser! Not another dumpster! I am not getting into a dumpster with you! Fraser! There is no way I'm getting in this dumpster with you.
Don't even think about it, don't even suggest it.
Do you know how many suits I've ruined frolicking in refuse for you? Here.
Check these.
It's a waste of time.
Half the stuff in there will qualify as a weapon.
It has to be something concealable.
Probably under a coat.
No, that's not it.
That's not it.
Ah ha! There it is.
That's not blood, Ray.
Oh sure it is.
It's red and it's sticky.
Ketchup.
Well who sits in a dumpster and eats ketchup? Probably someone who likes French fries.
Uh-oh.
Come here ya little rugrat! Come here, kid.
Where do you think you're going? - Give me the bat! - No! Come on.
Now, be a good kid and give the detective the bat.
No! I found it.
Get your own! - Give it! - No! Ray, Ray.
You know, children are just like people, only smaller.
All you have to do is reason with them.
Now son, that bat is important evidence in a criminal investigation and we'd be most grateful if you'd cooperate.
A hundred bucks! I see.
Ray? Okay kid.
Can you spell penitentiary? Let's try it together.
P-E-N- Okay, here! Scram.
Creep! I reasoned with him.
Ray, Ray, Ray.
Okay, I'm sorry but I got the bat and this is definitely not ketchup.
But all the victims said the attacker used a knife.
Now why would you suddenly switch to a bat? Who cares? This is evidence, okay? We match up the blood type, we get lucky with a print, and we got ourselves a thief.
I was wrong.
No-no, you weren't wrong, Fraser! Come on, we got a crime and we got a weapon! I tracked the wrong man, Ray.
The man with the bat is not the thief.
Aw, come on, Fraser, don't do this to me! At least wait up for me! He waited here.
The snow melted and then refroze under his feet.
An hour maybe longer.
You live to do this to me, don't you? No sooner do I find a piece of hard evidence that may actually put an actual criminal in jail-- Well, I didn't say the man with the bat isn't a criminal, Ray, he just didn't commit the crimes you think he did.
Oh, I see.
I betcha it's that hero thing.
One flub and you think you have to over-compensate.
Look at these footprints.
We know from the victims that he only preys upon the weak, and yet this man, the man he attacked, has long agile strides.
the man he attacked, has long agile strides.
Whereas this man, the man with the bat, walks with a limp.
He couldn't even jump a fence to save himself, Ray.
He's old.
Now why would an old man try to rob a man bigger and stronger than himself? Maybe he felt threatened by the bigger guy.
Maybe.
Maybe this was his solution.
A vigilante.
I send you out to solve a simple string of robberies and you bring me a vigilante?A senior citizen, no less! Leftenant, the responsibility for this is entirely mine.
Oh I'm sure it is.
You know, just once I'd like someone besides the Mountie come into my station and confess.
Sir, I encouraged these people to not allow themselves to be intimidated.
Now I had no right to compare my experiences to theirs and offer up solutions to a problem that was far more severe in their minds than I could possibly anticipate.
That might be so, Constable, but before you put on the hair shirt, none of this would have happened if Detective Vecchio would have found the thief before some little old man.
-He's right, Ray.
-Oh thanks, Fraser.
No-no-no-no.
About the little old man.
He waited for the thief in the park, which means he knows the thief.
He knows his movements.
So if we find the vigilante, we find the thief.
Thank you very kindly, Leftenant.
And, as usual, our conversation has been extremely helpful.
I'm so glad, Constable.
Also, sir, I think you'll be pleased to know I've taken the liberty of officially reprimanding myself.
Good, good.
Put 'em in the file with the rest of them.
-Get out of my office.
-Uh, yes, sir.
I thought the thief was somebody nobody would notice.
He is.
Unless you were patient, and had plenty of time on your hands,and he didn't notice you noticing him.
So now we got two people noticing? You have to have a clear vantage point, somewhere with a view of both sides of the tunnel.
Here.
Fraser, old people do not sit outside in this weather.
And if somebody did, he'd be noticed right away.
'I come here everyday.
' Where's your coat? This was his routine, Ray.
Nobody questions a man who keeps to his routine.
You can't arrest Herb Colling for playing chess.
The bruise on his forehead.
I should have realized.
You're not a mind reader, Fraser.
You're just a Canadian.
Come on, maybe we'll get lucky and he'll blurt out a spontaneous confession.
My fruit.
He took my fruit! Get out of the way, ya punk! Good morning, Mr.
Colling.
Do you mind if I? It's a public park.
You know, this park was created after the great fire of 1871.
The mayor at the time, uh, Joseph Medill, dedicated it to all the citizens of Chicago to enjoy freely and equally.
But people don't seem to feel very free, now, do they? In fact, most people seem afraid to come here anymore.
I'm not afraid.
No.
I need your advice.
I found this in a dumpster.
Rather nice bat.
Hardly the sort of thing you'd toss away in the garbage.
Don't you agree? You're in my way.
Oh, terribly sorry.
I thought it might be valuable to somebody.
It's obviously been very well taken care of.
It's been oiled and cleaned regularly.
The oil, you can see has been worked into the grain.
As a matter of fact, it's seeped it's way into the wood.
It's rather like the rings of a tree, don't you think? You see, I think this bat was a memento.
I think it belonged to someone who played baseball, someone who loved the game.
What do you think? I wouldn't know.
It's not your bat, is it? No.
Well, that's strange.
I saw a picture in the trophy case in the center.
It was of a man with a boy's team who's smiling, and he was holding a bat very much like this one.
This was a nice park.
Forty years ago, people came from all over from the neighborhood.
On Sundays they had picnics, and sat in the shade.
There was a fountain over there.
Kids used to take off their shoes and wade in it.
Splashed everybody.
Made a hell of a noise.
Was full of life, but look at it now.
When the muggers and the junkies came the people didn't fight back.
They hid.
Inside their homes, behind their doors.
Until finally one day, when they tried to come out, they couldn't.
They just couldn't.
Now, it's not much, but it's my home.
I'm suppose to give it up? For them? For you? No.
Not for anyone.
Mr.
Colling, this bat has been used to hurt people.
this bat has been used to hurt people.
Now maybe they deserved it, maybe they didn't.
That's immaterial.
The law simply does not allow us to go about hitting each other over the head with bats.
And if he tries again, I'll be watching.
So you decided to scare the vigilante by destroying the only piece of evidence we have against him? Well he may try again, Ray.
I felt it was worth the risk.
You know, Fraser, it's about time someone told you.
It's the little things like this that make them not want you back across the border.
I go to the counter, I buy a paper.
I give her a dollar.
She gives me my change, just like we'd done a thousand times.
Only this time, she sees my red vest and calls me Mister.
Not Rudy, but Mr.
Porter.
So? So, I wink at her and she winks back at me.
We're going to bingo on Saturday night! Hey, go figure! This is unit 17.
We got a problem at Parkview Towers, third floor.
Copy? That's Herb Colling's building! He's in here! Mr.
Colling? Open up! Police! All units.
Intruder heading west through the quad.
He's in the alley.
Thank you kindly, Mrs.
Klapp.
I've got him.
He's heading south.
Behind the building! Roger.
Watch out for the trash cans! Thank you very much, Mr.
Rubens.
Sick him, Corky.
Sick him! I'm sorry! Turn left.
Turn right.
Face front.
Do you recognize any of these men, Mr.
Colling? Mr.
Colling? - No.
- No? The guy slammed the back of your head into the wall repeatedly.
Don't tell me you didn't see his face! Vecchio! Perhaps you'd like to take another look.
I've seen enough.
All right, cut him loose.
Cut him loose? Lieutenant, you can't cut the guy loose! This won't end here.
He knows where you live.
He knows you've seen his face.
It will end.
And someone may die.
So be it.
You know, Mr.
Colling, you had the strength to swing that bat.
You must have the strength to put it down.
-What? - Nothing.
No, it's just I can't help feeling -- -You see, that's your problem.
- What? Feelings.
Ya got to keep the feelings out of it.
This way it's just a case.
Just a docket with a file number and that's it.
I suppose that's prudent.
That's an 'h'.
What? Offender.
You meant to hit a 'd', you hit an 'h'.
- You heard that? - Yes.
Ray, the thing is-- Fraser, the guy had his chance, okay? There's nothing more we can do for him, okay? -You're right.
- I know I'm right.
That's a zed.
-What's a zed? - A 'z'.
You meant to hit an 's'.
All right, that's it.
All right look, I'm trying to type here, and what you're doing is really unnerving, okay? I'm sorry.
Look, you don't know what the guy's going to do.
Maybe he learned his lesson.
Ray.
He's determined and he's desperate.
And he doesn't want our help! That's true.
Don't even think about it.
I was gonna compliment you on your spacing.
- Oh yeah, right.
- I was! All right, come on, look, maybe we can't help your friend, but the least we can do is sit on his playmate.
Here's your I.
D.
back, you check out just fine.
Now there's normally a three day cooling off period, but you look like a reasonable man so uh, in your case, I think we can waive it.
But uh, you're not going to go out and shoot someone, are you, sir? You bought yourself a fine gun.
You have any trouble? Just give me a call.
Thank you.
Yeah, could I have the number for the transit authority?Uh-huh.
Yeah, a ticket to Philly.
How much? What's that? Yeah.
Naw Naw.
Naw, I ain't got no credit card.
No, forget it.
Forget it.
No, forget it.
Forget it.
Oh, Irving.
I should quit one of these days.
Yeah you should.
Who would care? Not my son.
He's suppose to be here every Thursday, end of the month, take me to the check cash.
You think he make it? No.
Phone me up, got to work, can't make it, could I make it on my own.
I say sure.
Isn't that what I been doing the last 70 years? So, I'm off.
- Oh, uh, Irving.
- Yeah? Well I just remembered, I left a package at Azarelo's market up there.
I got to go there right now.
You want me to stop at the check cash for you? Oh I can make it, you know.
Yeah, I know but uh, no need for both of us to make the same trip.
It's the police, Mr.
Steg.
Open up! All right, stand back and watch how we do things here in America.
No neighborhood watch, no caring for your fellow man, just good old-fashioned intimidation.
You know, Ray, your methods are a source of constant inspiration to me.
Oh well, thank you, Benny.
Look at this guy.
He's a junk mail junkie.
You sure he didn't answer? I made the call, didn't I? - What about the Senior Center? - No luck there, either.
There he is.
Mr.
Colling? Herb.
Where's Herb? - He went to the check cash for me.
- Yeah, but that's his coat.
He asked to borrow mine.
He said he needed it for something.
What's wrong? We just missed him.
- He doesn't follow them home, Ray.
- What? He waits for them.
He already knows where they live.
He delivers junk mail to their doors.
He watches them cash their checks,then he cuts across the park and gets there first.
Come on.
Stupid old man.
Huh? - Ray, gates! - I know.
You can't shoot me, man.
You're too old, man.
You can't even see! You can't even hold that thing straight! Gunfire! I know a shortcut.
You don't like that.
You're frightened! I could take your money.
I could take your life.
You don't know which.
Which one should I take? - Take it.
- No.
I don't want your money.
- Ray, sapling! - Where? - Twelve o'clock.
Got it.
Take it! Take it man, come on.
There! There! You stay there.
What are you doing? Drop the gun! You are intending on shooting this man, aren't you? Good evening.
Fraser, what are you doing? Well, I thought I'd let him shoot me, Ray.
All Mr.
Colling has to do is shoot me, then he can shoot him.
Oh, as long as you've got a plan.
Get out of the way.
It's him I want.
I just want him.
No-no, I understand.
I understand.
After all he attacked you.
He stole your money.
It's perfectly reasonable.
That man is evil.
And the boys you attacked, what about them? It's not the same! Oh it isn't? Oh.
Oh now, you see, now I'm not so sure I follow you.
I thought it was people like them that had taken your neighborhood away from you.
And I thought you wanted to take it back.
Now you see, Mr.
Colling, from now on you will have to decide who's good enough to walk on your streets and sit in your park.
You will have to decide who should be protected and who should be punished.
And if someone should just happen to get in your way, someone you disagree with, well then you will have to decide whether they deserved-- Oh, now I see.
Now I understand.
If you kill him then he can never walk on your streets, he can never hurt another person, and he can never sit in your park ever again.
I see your logic.
It's airtight.
Right.
Right well then, he's all yours.
Hey! Hey! Freeze! I could have killed you.
Yes, I know.
Good plan, Benny.
Well actually, I was just kinda making it up as I went along, Ray.
Heh heh, not you, Fraser! - Yeah, really.
- Oh imagine that! Come on, Mr.
Colling.
So how much time did they give you? Six months community service.
You? Five months, suspended.
Hey, I'm just a kid! Play.
Why are we sitting out here? It's freezing! Because I like it.
Did you know there use to be a fountain over there? - Who cares? - I do.
You sit here long enough, maybe you will, too.
Play.
I packed his sweater and a nice new Well thank you, Gladys.
And I'll see you on Saturday, Corky.
Well, it's just for an hour.
All right, all right, half an hour! All right, ten minutes and then we'll burn the tam-o'-shanter!
Give me the money.
Money!Come on! This all the money you got? Yeah.
Take what you want.
Just leave me alone.
Keep your head down.
Keep it down, you understand? Okay.
'Safety on the street is a matter of common sense.
You must ask yourself ' Damn.
What? What? You must ask yourself what? 'You must ask yourself "Is it safe to walk in my neighborhood during the day or night?'" This neighborhood? Of course it's not safe.
It's a slum.
What kind of bozo comes up with a safety tip like that? The Mayor's Blue Ribbon Panel on Safety for Senior Citizens.
Yeah, a bunch of do-gooders sitting around solving other peoples problems, sipping on cappuccinos.
I'm dead, Fraser.
These people are gonna eat me alive.
They don't seem particularly threatening, Ray.
Old people just make me nervous.
Well you know, the aged are just like people, too.
Only they're older.
In the last five weeks, six of their neighbors have been beaten and robbed.
Nobody can I.
D.
the guy.
We got no leads, and division sends me down here to reassure them? They're gonna rip me limb from limb.
Hey, maybe I should get a night stick.
Ray.
- Okay, okay.
Diefenbaker.
Now don't be selfish.
I've told you, taking an hour out of your day to visit with the elderly can be as rewarding an experience for you as it is for them.
Come on.
When was the last time I asked you to do a good turn? No-no-no-no, that was different.
Those were orphans and that taffy pull was for charity.
Well, I shaved it out of your hair, didn't I? It's hopeless.
Step six.
How can I prevent myself from becoming a victim? Deadbolts.
That's correct.
Uh, purchase a strong deadbolt lock, and be sure to keep it fastened at all times.
I got a dead bolt.
It doesn't help when the door jam is rotting.
Yes, and uh, windows.
Make sure the windows are fastened with key lock mechanisms, And that bars are installed on all the lower levels.
Yeah.
Tell that to my landlord.
And while you're at it, tell him to put in a hot water heater.
Yes sir, we appreciate your plumbing problems but that's not what I'm here for.
Then what are you here for? You sure didn't do nothing when that animal attacked my mother! I want to know what you people are gonna do! It's an honest question.
Ray.
Well I realize that, Fraser, but the division doesn't want me to answer it.
They only want me to talk about deadbolts and window bars.
Well, perhaps these people don't consider that to be a realistic solution.
Damn right, it isn't.
Will you keep your voice down?! Yes, uh, when on the street, what is the best method of personal protection? Anyone? A positive attitude.
I'm merely suggesting, Ray, that one shouldn't allow fear to dictate one's actions.
Oh, and traveling in a group is good deterrent, and it can provide some pleasant companionship.
Fraser, these people aren't going lawn bowling.
They're trying to survive in an urban hellhole.
Well, they can try to survive in it alone, Ray, or they can meet the challenge.
But that's up to them.
It's easy for you to say.
Well yes, perhaps it is.
I haven't lived in this neighborhood as long as you have.
Where I come from, the challenges are quite different.
There are no drug dealers or pimps, few thieves to bother with.
There's only the environment.
And surviving in the face of it is the challenge of the Inuit.
A mother gives birth somewhere out on a glacier field, hundreds of miles from the nearest outpost.
And she knows the odds are stacked against her son even living to see the spring.
Disease, or lack of food, the elements.
And even if they should survive and he should grow to be a boy, she knows very well that all he has to do is lose his footing on the smooth surface of a glacier and that'll be that.
In other words, she should know that her son cannot live.
So, why should she try? Well, I know this woman.
I helped deliver her son.
She was weak and, uh, undernourished, but the next morning she stood up and she picked her child up into her arms and and she set out again into the blinding snow and I think I think that was the single most courageous act that I've ever seen.
This is what's wrong with you, Fraser.
You see a problem and you gotta fix it.
You can't even go to the men's room without stopping and telling some simple stupid charmingly witty Inuit story that inspires people to take on the worlds social ills! Well I'm sorry, Ray, but I fail to see how a small group of people banding together to form a neighborhood watch constitutes a form of political anarchy.
Well, at least this morning they had the good sense to be scared.
Now there's probably hordes of them wandering the streets doing God knows what.
Ray, that's just silly.
Remember, it's on your head.
If one of those old people so much as slips putting up a poster on that ice, just remember, you're the one they voted block captain.
I'll remember that.
Oh - what exactly is a block captain? You'll be needing these.
We ordered them the last time someone tried to do a watch in this neighborhood.
The guy got shot before he could get them out of the box.
So far, so good.
Thank you Mrs.
Fisher and Mr.
Porter.
Thank you very kindly.
Mr.
Rubens, there you go.
Can I keep it? Uh, no sir, I'm afraid not.
- Do I get a badge? None appear to have been provided.
How about a hat? That's nice.
You mean? -Yeah, your hat.
Oh well I'm -What size is it? It was 1942 and Benny Goodman was playing his bit at the Orpheus.
And I'm telling you, back at that time I could really cut a rug.
Would you like a taffy? Now if anybody bothers you, you take this, you put it to your lips and you blow as hard as you can.
Elaine? You think you can do that? Good.
You ready? On three.
One, two-- Good morning, Mr.
Colling.
I was hoping you'd join us.
I come here everyday.
What's new? The neighborhood watch.
We could use your help.
I'm busy.
Uh, well, yes, sir.
I can see that you are.
He keeps to himself.
Ah.
Shall we? No, this is my post! marked right here on the map! You're guarding my building?! You, who twice cheated me at canasta?! I didn't cheat you, old fool! You fell asleep and missed your turn.
Well, the neighborhood is definitely in safe hands now.
They just need a little drilling, Ray.
They'll get the hang of it.
Yeah, right.
Neighborhood watch meeting Thursday night, I hope you'll join us.
I double checked every statement.
I've interviewed the neighbors, I've talked to every shop keeper on the street.
Nobody's seen this guy, and even those who did can't describe him.
It's like the guy doesn't exist.
Well maybe he doesn't, Ray, at least not to the casual observer.
He follows people through the neighborhood, he beats and robs them, y et nobody notices him? Apparently so, but we do know he's in a position to notice them.
How else could he know his victim's movements well enough to know when to rob whom and when not to? Okay, so he notices them, they don't notice him, but he's here? He has to be.
Edith.
I'm on my way.
Edith! Edith? Hello? Hello?! Anybody there? Hello?! Hello?! Hello?! -Hello?!Who's there! Come in! There's screaming down in the passageway! Call the police! It's all right, Mr.
Porter, we're on our way! You see this face? You take a good look.
You come back here again, and it'll be the last face you'll ever see.
Hey.
Hey! Mrs.
Chaffey, are you all right? I seen him.
He was following me! Who? I don't know.
There was two of them.
Ray.
Now the attacker, was he the smaller man or the bigger one? I don't know.
By the time I looked they were both running away.
Okay, would it be safe to say that what you actually saw was two big blurs? Yes, I suppose it would.
Thank you very much, Mrs.
Chaffey.
You've been a great help.
No wonder he robs old people.
Well why Mrs.
Chaffey? It's broad daylight, she is wearing a red vest and carrying a walkie-talkie.
It's like mugging a bulls-eye.
It doesn't make sense.
Which is why he picked another victim.
And where's the victim.
Why did he run? Well, for the same reason people don't hang around to report crimes either too intimidated or too embarrassed.
-Maybe.
You got a weapon? I don't know.
Probably something big and blunt.
Vecchio, you'll get my report in the morning.
Come on! Come on! Great.
We got witnesses, we got evidence, we still got nothing.
What about this.
Look at this, by the right footprint.
It looks like a crutch.
Or something he was using as one.
Diefenbaker? - Hi, Gladys.
- Hello, how are you? Hi, Dief! Oh boy.
He's so embarrassed.
Now listen, I had no idea it would come to this.
I swear.
She's very nice, and there's a very nice dog biscuit in this for you, I promise.
Come on, Corky.
Dief Oh boy.
He's so embarrassed.
It's hideous.
It looks like his right heel is dragging.
He must have been injured in the assault.
The man he attacked was indeed bigger and, I think wait a minute.
It's this way.
He didn't climb it.
Well, maybe his ankle is-- Even a young man with an injury could step over a wall like this.
Okay, so he goes around the fence, he hits the sidewalk and the prints disappear.
Oh great, another dead end.
Gone.
The prints are still here.
The crutch is gone.
Maybe he pitched it.
There.
Aw, no, Fraser! Not another dumpster! I am not getting into a dumpster with you! Fraser! There is no way I'm getting in this dumpster with you.
Don't even think about it, don't even suggest it.
Do you know how many suits I've ruined frolicking in refuse for you? Here.
Check these.
It's a waste of time.
Half the stuff in there will qualify as a weapon.
It has to be something concealable.
Probably under a coat.
No, that's not it.
That's not it.
Ah ha! There it is.
That's not blood, Ray.
Oh sure it is.
It's red and it's sticky.
Ketchup.
Well who sits in a dumpster and eats ketchup? Probably someone who likes French fries.
Uh-oh.
Come here ya little rugrat! Come here, kid.
Where do you think you're going? - Give me the bat! - No! Come on.
Now, be a good kid and give the detective the bat.
No! I found it.
Get your own! - Give it! - No! Ray, Ray.
You know, children are just like people, only smaller.
All you have to do is reason with them.
Now son, that bat is important evidence in a criminal investigation and we'd be most grateful if you'd cooperate.
A hundred bucks! I see.
Ray? Okay kid.
Can you spell penitentiary? Let's try it together.
P-E-N- Okay, here! Scram.
Creep! I reasoned with him.
Ray, Ray, Ray.
Okay, I'm sorry but I got the bat and this is definitely not ketchup.
But all the victims said the attacker used a knife.
Now why would you suddenly switch to a bat? Who cares? This is evidence, okay? We match up the blood type, we get lucky with a print, and we got ourselves a thief.
I was wrong.
No-no, you weren't wrong, Fraser! Come on, we got a crime and we got a weapon! I tracked the wrong man, Ray.
The man with the bat is not the thief.
Aw, come on, Fraser, don't do this to me! At least wait up for me! He waited here.
The snow melted and then refroze under his feet.
An hour maybe longer.
You live to do this to me, don't you? No sooner do I find a piece of hard evidence that may actually put an actual criminal in jail-- Well, I didn't say the man with the bat isn't a criminal, Ray, he just didn't commit the crimes you think he did.
Oh, I see.
I betcha it's that hero thing.
One flub and you think you have to over-compensate.
Look at these footprints.
We know from the victims that he only preys upon the weak, and yet this man, the man he attacked, has long agile strides.
the man he attacked, has long agile strides.
Whereas this man, the man with the bat, walks with a limp.
He couldn't even jump a fence to save himself, Ray.
He's old.
Now why would an old man try to rob a man bigger and stronger than himself? Maybe he felt threatened by the bigger guy.
Maybe.
Maybe this was his solution.
A vigilante.
I send you out to solve a simple string of robberies and you bring me a vigilante?A senior citizen, no less! Leftenant, the responsibility for this is entirely mine.
Oh I'm sure it is.
You know, just once I'd like someone besides the Mountie come into my station and confess.
Sir, I encouraged these people to not allow themselves to be intimidated.
Now I had no right to compare my experiences to theirs and offer up solutions to a problem that was far more severe in their minds than I could possibly anticipate.
That might be so, Constable, but before you put on the hair shirt, none of this would have happened if Detective Vecchio would have found the thief before some little old man.
-He's right, Ray.
-Oh thanks, Fraser.
No-no-no-no.
About the little old man.
He waited for the thief in the park, which means he knows the thief.
He knows his movements.
So if we find the vigilante, we find the thief.
Thank you very kindly, Leftenant.
And, as usual, our conversation has been extremely helpful.
I'm so glad, Constable.
Also, sir, I think you'll be pleased to know I've taken the liberty of officially reprimanding myself.
Good, good.
Put 'em in the file with the rest of them.
-Get out of my office.
-Uh, yes, sir.
I thought the thief was somebody nobody would notice.
He is.
Unless you were patient, and had plenty of time on your hands,and he didn't notice you noticing him.
So now we got two people noticing? You have to have a clear vantage point, somewhere with a view of both sides of the tunnel.
Here.
Fraser, old people do not sit outside in this weather.
And if somebody did, he'd be noticed right away.
'I come here everyday.
' Where's your coat? This was his routine, Ray.
Nobody questions a man who keeps to his routine.
You can't arrest Herb Colling for playing chess.
The bruise on his forehead.
I should have realized.
You're not a mind reader, Fraser.
You're just a Canadian.
Come on, maybe we'll get lucky and he'll blurt out a spontaneous confession.
My fruit.
He took my fruit! Get out of the way, ya punk! Good morning, Mr.
Colling.
Do you mind if I? It's a public park.
You know, this park was created after the great fire of 1871.
The mayor at the time, uh, Joseph Medill, dedicated it to all the citizens of Chicago to enjoy freely and equally.
But people don't seem to feel very free, now, do they? In fact, most people seem afraid to come here anymore.
I'm not afraid.
No.
I need your advice.
I found this in a dumpster.
Rather nice bat.
Hardly the sort of thing you'd toss away in the garbage.
Don't you agree? You're in my way.
Oh, terribly sorry.
I thought it might be valuable to somebody.
It's obviously been very well taken care of.
It's been oiled and cleaned regularly.
The oil, you can see has been worked into the grain.
As a matter of fact, it's seeped it's way into the wood.
It's rather like the rings of a tree, don't you think? You see, I think this bat was a memento.
I think it belonged to someone who played baseball, someone who loved the game.
What do you think? I wouldn't know.
It's not your bat, is it? No.
Well, that's strange.
I saw a picture in the trophy case in the center.
It was of a man with a boy's team who's smiling, and he was holding a bat very much like this one.
This was a nice park.
Forty years ago, people came from all over from the neighborhood.
On Sundays they had picnics, and sat in the shade.
There was a fountain over there.
Kids used to take off their shoes and wade in it.
Splashed everybody.
Made a hell of a noise.
Was full of life, but look at it now.
When the muggers and the junkies came the people didn't fight back.
They hid.
Inside their homes, behind their doors.
Until finally one day, when they tried to come out, they couldn't.
They just couldn't.
Now, it's not much, but it's my home.
I'm suppose to give it up? For them? For you? No.
Not for anyone.
Mr.
Colling, this bat has been used to hurt people.
this bat has been used to hurt people.
Now maybe they deserved it, maybe they didn't.
That's immaterial.
The law simply does not allow us to go about hitting each other over the head with bats.
And if he tries again, I'll be watching.
So you decided to scare the vigilante by destroying the only piece of evidence we have against him? Well he may try again, Ray.
I felt it was worth the risk.
You know, Fraser, it's about time someone told you.
It's the little things like this that make them not want you back across the border.
I go to the counter, I buy a paper.
I give her a dollar.
She gives me my change, just like we'd done a thousand times.
Only this time, she sees my red vest and calls me Mister.
Not Rudy, but Mr.
Porter.
So? So, I wink at her and she winks back at me.
We're going to bingo on Saturday night! Hey, go figure! This is unit 17.
We got a problem at Parkview Towers, third floor.
Copy? That's Herb Colling's building! He's in here! Mr.
Colling? Open up! Police! All units.
Intruder heading west through the quad.
He's in the alley.
Thank you kindly, Mrs.
Klapp.
I've got him.
He's heading south.
Behind the building! Roger.
Watch out for the trash cans! Thank you very much, Mr.
Rubens.
Sick him, Corky.
Sick him! I'm sorry! Turn left.
Turn right.
Face front.
Do you recognize any of these men, Mr.
Colling? Mr.
Colling? - No.
- No? The guy slammed the back of your head into the wall repeatedly.
Don't tell me you didn't see his face! Vecchio! Perhaps you'd like to take another look.
I've seen enough.
All right, cut him loose.
Cut him loose? Lieutenant, you can't cut the guy loose! This won't end here.
He knows where you live.
He knows you've seen his face.
It will end.
And someone may die.
So be it.
You know, Mr.
Colling, you had the strength to swing that bat.
You must have the strength to put it down.
-What? - Nothing.
No, it's just I can't help feeling -- -You see, that's your problem.
- What? Feelings.
Ya got to keep the feelings out of it.
This way it's just a case.
Just a docket with a file number and that's it.
I suppose that's prudent.
That's an 'h'.
What? Offender.
You meant to hit a 'd', you hit an 'h'.
- You heard that? - Yes.
Ray, the thing is-- Fraser, the guy had his chance, okay? There's nothing more we can do for him, okay? -You're right.
- I know I'm right.
That's a zed.
-What's a zed? - A 'z'.
You meant to hit an 's'.
All right, that's it.
All right look, I'm trying to type here, and what you're doing is really unnerving, okay? I'm sorry.
Look, you don't know what the guy's going to do.
Maybe he learned his lesson.
Ray.
He's determined and he's desperate.
And he doesn't want our help! That's true.
Don't even think about it.
I was gonna compliment you on your spacing.
- Oh yeah, right.
- I was! All right, come on, look, maybe we can't help your friend, but the least we can do is sit on his playmate.
Here's your I.
D.
back, you check out just fine.
Now there's normally a three day cooling off period, but you look like a reasonable man so uh, in your case, I think we can waive it.
But uh, you're not going to go out and shoot someone, are you, sir? You bought yourself a fine gun.
You have any trouble? Just give me a call.
Thank you.
Yeah, could I have the number for the transit authority?Uh-huh.
Yeah, a ticket to Philly.
How much? What's that? Yeah.
Naw Naw.
Naw, I ain't got no credit card.
No, forget it.
Forget it.
No, forget it.
Forget it.
Oh, Irving.
I should quit one of these days.
Yeah you should.
Who would care? Not my son.
He's suppose to be here every Thursday, end of the month, take me to the check cash.
You think he make it? No.
Phone me up, got to work, can't make it, could I make it on my own.
I say sure.
Isn't that what I been doing the last 70 years? So, I'm off.
- Oh, uh, Irving.
- Yeah? Well I just remembered, I left a package at Azarelo's market up there.
I got to go there right now.
You want me to stop at the check cash for you? Oh I can make it, you know.
Yeah, I know but uh, no need for both of us to make the same trip.
It's the police, Mr.
Steg.
Open up! All right, stand back and watch how we do things here in America.
No neighborhood watch, no caring for your fellow man, just good old-fashioned intimidation.
You know, Ray, your methods are a source of constant inspiration to me.
Oh well, thank you, Benny.
Look at this guy.
He's a junk mail junkie.
You sure he didn't answer? I made the call, didn't I? - What about the Senior Center? - No luck there, either.
There he is.
Mr.
Colling? Herb.
Where's Herb? - He went to the check cash for me.
- Yeah, but that's his coat.
He asked to borrow mine.
He said he needed it for something.
What's wrong? We just missed him.
- He doesn't follow them home, Ray.
- What? He waits for them.
He already knows where they live.
He delivers junk mail to their doors.
He watches them cash their checks,then he cuts across the park and gets there first.
Come on.
Stupid old man.
Huh? - Ray, gates! - I know.
You can't shoot me, man.
You're too old, man.
You can't even see! You can't even hold that thing straight! Gunfire! I know a shortcut.
You don't like that.
You're frightened! I could take your money.
I could take your life.
You don't know which.
Which one should I take? - Take it.
- No.
I don't want your money.
- Ray, sapling! - Where? - Twelve o'clock.
Got it.
Take it! Take it man, come on.
There! There! You stay there.
What are you doing? Drop the gun! You are intending on shooting this man, aren't you? Good evening.
Fraser, what are you doing? Well, I thought I'd let him shoot me, Ray.
All Mr.
Colling has to do is shoot me, then he can shoot him.
Oh, as long as you've got a plan.
Get out of the way.
It's him I want.
I just want him.
No-no, I understand.
I understand.
After all he attacked you.
He stole your money.
It's perfectly reasonable.
That man is evil.
And the boys you attacked, what about them? It's not the same! Oh it isn't? Oh.
Oh now, you see, now I'm not so sure I follow you.
I thought it was people like them that had taken your neighborhood away from you.
And I thought you wanted to take it back.
Now you see, Mr.
Colling, from now on you will have to decide who's good enough to walk on your streets and sit in your park.
You will have to decide who should be protected and who should be punished.
And if someone should just happen to get in your way, someone you disagree with, well then you will have to decide whether they deserved-- Oh, now I see.
Now I understand.
If you kill him then he can never walk on your streets, he can never hurt another person, and he can never sit in your park ever again.
I see your logic.
It's airtight.
Right.
Right well then, he's all yours.
Hey! Hey! Freeze! I could have killed you.
Yes, I know.
Good plan, Benny.
Well actually, I was just kinda making it up as I went along, Ray.
Heh heh, not you, Fraser! - Yeah, really.
- Oh imagine that! Come on, Mr.
Colling.
So how much time did they give you? Six months community service.
You? Five months, suspended.
Hey, I'm just a kid! Play.
Why are we sitting out here? It's freezing! Because I like it.
Did you know there use to be a fountain over there? - Who cares? - I do.
You sit here long enough, maybe you will, too.
Play.
I packed his sweater and a nice new Well thank you, Gladys.
And I'll see you on Saturday, Corky.
Well, it's just for an hour.
All right, all right, half an hour! All right, ten minutes and then we'll burn the tam-o'-shanter!