Enlisted (2014) s01e13 Episode Script

1 It's that time of year again.
This weekend is the annual Regimental Ball.
Splendor has returned to Fort McGee.
Dress blues, big speeches Pete, it's a refined atmosphere that's sick as hell.
All in the Grand Ballroom at the Seacord Motor Lodge off Route 301.
They have a machine that just gives you ice.
This year, we're honoring a very special guest.
I wonder who it is.
It's Burt Reynolds.
He's put in 30 years of service.
Wow.
A great soldier, legendary leader.
Beloved by his troops.
He lost his own foot in combat.
Yes, it's just got to be Burt Reynolds! It's me, damn it! All right, Randy, let's do this.
Happy Alive Day Happy Alive Day I'm so happy you're alive Day.
I'm not sure the year anniversary of when I almost died from an RPG explosion should be celebrated with a cake.
What about a shirt? I got to admit, that's awesome.
Bingo! Dude, I love that we can talk about this now.
It's like you've opened up your heart chambers.
Now I can roam around.
Oh, hey, what's in here? Oh, it's your fears.
Therapy's been really good for me.
I've got to thank Cody for pushing me to go.
I'm feeling really good.
You know I love pampering people on their special days.
So relax and let me do my thang.
Randy, don't massage me, it's creepy Hey, brother, I got the neck, you start on his feet, we'll meet in the middle? I'll grab the toes, Derr.
I'm not in the mood for whatever this is.
Erin and I just broke up.
- What? Ow! - How'd that happen? I knew she was moving away, but I thought you were gonna have your big good-bye at the ball? Yeah, but then I started thinking Uh-oh.
I don't think we should go to the ball.
What? What?! I was trying to save us both heartache, you know? I knew if we went to the ball, we'd have a really romantic time, and then I'd fall more in love with her and I don't want that.
You didn't say that! You did say that! It made sense in my head, but then it came out all wrong.
And then she was making a big deal out of it, so I said If it's such a big deal to you, then fine, let's go.
Then I tried to save it with the rewind bit.
Hi.
That is your worst bit! Why didn't you just do a Mr.
T impression? I pity the fool! Oh, no, no, no, no! I know, I blew it.
And now she's leaving, so it's the last time I'm ever gonna see her.
So I want to be miserable by myself.
There's an easy way to fix this.
Do Officer and a Gentleman.
What does that even mean, Randy? You show up in uniform, sweep her off her feet and carry her away.
Where am I carrying her to? I don't know the movie kind of ends.
You know what, Randy? Let me put on my headlight, and go spelunking in Derrick's heart chambers.
Oh, God.
I get that you're trying to go inward and shut down.
But what I learned in therapy is you need to focus outward.
Now come on.
You can say whatever you want without judgment.
You're gaining weight in your face.
He's not ready to talk yet.
Ah, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, right there.
You know that's super weird, right? It's not weird, it's brothers.
Ease up, Sergeant Perez.
The sun is shining the birds are chirping.
Did you even notice any of that? Just trying to work on my Cody toast.
At the ball? We're honoring Sergeant Seriously? Should I be giving a toast? There's only one toast, and I already called it.
Sorry.
Also my platoon is serenading Cody while he dances with his daughter.
And before you ask, there's only one serenade.
Called it.
So, uh What are you guys doing? Okay, everybody, circle up.
What's our plan for the ball? Ooh, I'm gonna challenge Gumble to a dance-off.
Oh, you do not want to step to this.
No! What are we gonna do to honor Sergeant Major? I'll get super wasted.
In his honor.
I'll make my soon-to-be-ex-husband jealous by inviting him to the ball and then making out with a bad boy.
In his honor.
These are things that you were already gonna do.
Can I be homecoming king? That's just insane.
That is insane.
I'm posting a video on the Internet in the hopes of snagging a celebrity date - with Lori Loughlin.
- Who? The stunning beauty from Full House.
Duh.
Any thoughts on how to honor Cody? We'll probably just do something small and from the heart.
Sounds good.
For he's a good Sergeant Major For he's a good Sergeant Major For he's a good Sergeant Major Now we're screwed.
Which nobody can deny.
Ah, beautiful.
- At ease! - Carry on.
Sorry, Sergeant Major.
Just a little tease of what you're gonna see at the ball.
Well, a tease is all I'll see.
Due to budget cuts, the Army has canceled the Regimental Ball.
And it's a really big shame It's a really big shame It's a really big shame I believe I have misread the situation.
I can't believe they canceled the ball.
Now I don't get to give my Cody toast.
I was gonna make people cry so hard, they'd get ugly face.
You've got some weird goals.
Hey, do you think we should check on Derrick? I already did.
I'm telling you, do Officer and a Gentleman.
He's not ready to talk.
Attention.
The ball has been canceled.
And I am crushed.
He doesn't want to admit it, but he's crushed.
So I thought I'd go ahead and read the speech I wrote for the event.
When I was assigned to Rear D, I thought, "Well, those aren't real soldiers.
" But I was wrong.
What you do is heroic.
And watching you grow over all these years has been the most rewarding experience of my career.
Frankly, it made me a better father to my daughter, Britney.
I love you, Dad.
Yup, sorry, Mom.
You are real soldiers.
You're my soldiers.
Hooah.
What are we gonna do, Sergeant Hill? We are gonna rise to the occasion.
Tomorrow night when that clock hits 1800 hours, we are throwing that man a ball.
Hold up! Tomorrow?! That's less than two days from now.
We owe this to the Sergeant Major.
And you owe this to yourselves.
Robinson, Gumble! You want a dance-off? Build a dance floor.
Oh, it's parquet time, girl! - You want to take that back? - No, I'm actually really proud of it.
Dobkiss, you do refreshments.
Already made up a drink called Cody Colada.
It's gin.
- Park, you want to make out with somebody? - Uh-huh.
Make this place look romantic.
My ex-husband's gonna watch me French a stranger.
Ruiz, you want to be homecoming king? - Yes! - I'm not sure what that connects to, so just do the lights? Off with their heads! If that helps.
Now, this has all got to be a surprise.
So we need to keep Cody away until it happens.
- So, Randy - Yes, Pete! I've been waiting for you to turn around and tell me what to do and I'll do it now! You have the most important job.
You want to pamper me? Just because the Army canceled your special day doesn't mean you don't get a special day.
I don't think this is for me.
Sergeant Major, you have worked your tuchis off for 30 years.
30 years! Don't you deserve just one day of delicate, delicate pampering? Let's get started with a massage.
All right Get out here.
"Frank McCourt reads Angela's Ashes"? I'm at the part where he gives the raisin to the boy with no shoes.
Go away! We're throwing a ball, and I need you.
Plus, I can tell you from experience isolating yourself is the wrong move.
I really don't need Pete the Therapist right now.
Well how about Pete the Sergeant? Because I am ordering you to do this.
- What? - Keeping busy is what's best for you.
I need you to take pictures of everybody's amazing night.
Maybe you'll have an amazing night yourself.
But right now this guy wants a date with Lori Loughlin.
I've got the steak.
Now bring me the sizzle.
Are we still in the Army? Now, for you to get the most out of this massage, we need to get your mind off your troubles.
Sometimes people share an experience, always in confidence.
For instance, Gumble told me that he has a third Do you want to hear the story of how I lost my foot? Would that really help you relax? I zig when other people zag.
I just finished my toast.
Want to hear a taste? Not really.
Good evening.
Sergeant Major Donald Cody enlisted in the Army in 1984.
He did his in-processing at Fort Benning where he completed paperwork and had a medical exam.
In 1985, he ascended to the rank of corporal.
Is that it? I'm holding for laughter.
Oh, okay, yeah, you don't get to do the toast.
Why? Was it too jokey? Sergeant Perez this night isn't about words, it's about actions.
It's about a man who dedicated his life to delivering on the promise of the Army, and whose leadership has guided us all.
Is that it? I'm holding for tears.
How are you so good at this? Spoke at a lot of football banquets.
I basically substitute "Army" for "Rams" of Riverview High School.
Well, so, like, what else would you say if you were gonna say more things? Lori Loughlin, huh? Full House and its sunny take on American family life was a tonic for this lonely youth with a distant father.
But Lori Loughlin's smile made it all okay.
Plus she was smoking hot.
Remember? - Yeah.
- Whoo! George, I know soldiers have gotten dates with celebrities off of videos Mila Kunis.
Multi-hyphenate Justin Timberlake.
But you get that it's a total long shot, right? I mean, she's probably gonna say no.
Well, if she says no, there will be heartache.
But to have just one night with a person that means the world to you isn't it worth the risk? Let's make this video.
So, you're about here? General Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf had just sent tanks into Al Busayyah.
Mmm We were pinned down.
And then I made the call for the Apaches.
And that's the last thing I remember before waking up.
Ah, yeah Your massage is complete.
I'm gonna run some errands for you, so just lie back and relax.
If you find yourself thirsty, I've left a carafe of lemon-infused ice water for your enjoyment.
Lori, Lori, Lor, don't think I'm a boor Please come with me To this party.
So what do you think? If you don't like it, we can always shoot it again.
No! It's freakin' perfect! Happy to help.
What about you? Who's your Lori Loughlin? And mind you, if it's Lori Loughlin, you can eat a bag of glass.
Private Hill, what's wrong? Remember your story about how you lost your foot? Well, now I have a story about how I lost your foot.
What?! I'm so sorry I lost your fake foot.
Why did you take it in the first place? I was gonna buy you some dress socks and I wanted to get the size right.
So you left it at the store?! I wish! I got worried I'd leave my coffee on the roof of my car, so to avoid that I put your foot up there.
But you know, when you get in a car, you never think, "Wait did I put my boss's fake foot on the roof?" But that will be my first thought from now on! Why were you buying me dress socks? Because you have a meeting with General Murray in the Motor Pool now, and they said not to eat first! - What?! - It's insane! If it weren't the truth, you'd think it was a lie! I can't meet the man with no foot! Well A mannequin foot? Sergeant Major Cody, I told you I was going to attend your every need.
And right now, what you need is a foot.
With this duct tape and adhesive, I feel like a science project.
What a day.
All my years in the Army, and it's come to this.
Your ball, Sergeant Major.
You guys did all this for me? We did.
I owe it to you.
Yesterday was the anniversary of a close call I had in Afghanistan.
If it hadn't been for you pushing me to go to therapy, I'd probably be sitting alone on a beach somewhere in a bad head space.
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
Hi, Dad.
Over here, Sergeant Major.
There's that laugh.
That laugh could mean you're either his favorite person, or you're on overnight CQ duty.
Well, she's my favorite person, he's got overnight duty.
Tonight is about delivering on the promise of the Army and a man whose leadership has guided us all.
Sergeant Major Cody has made me a better soldier and a better person.
I know that I'm not the only one here who feels that way.
So, thank you, Sergeant Major.
We all love you from the bottom of our hearts.
Now let's get this party started.
Oh, yeah! Order, order! Court is now in session! Wrong kind of court.
Objection! You know what? Have fun.
- Order, order! - Why is this punch brown? It's gin and chocolate milk, dawgs.
More for me, sluggers.
Oh! There's my ex.
Okay, Diesel, let's do this.
Beat it, dirtbag! Hey, Ted! - Aw - Oh Y'all ready for this? Good question.
You're not.
Tiny Tilda Swinton want to step to me? I'm the Beyoncé of this platoon, man.
I'm the Anne Heche.
I need a Facebook page for all this, 'cause you gonna like it.
Girl, that's more like MySpace, 'cause nobody looks at it anymore.
Vintage, vintage, vintage They are terrible.
This is a giant letdown.
- Interesting.
- Nice.
And now it's time for a very special father-daughter dance.
Admit it.
Better than moping around the barracks.
Therapy Pete was right.
I don't know.
I feel bad for Chubowski.
Mind if I sit down? Are you Lori Loughlin? - Who? - Keep moving.
She's not coming.
Hey.
There she is.
Get a picture.
is the way I feel When it's real I keep it alive Hi.
I saw your video.
Erin, Erin I'm just gonna talk.
Look, I, uh I messed up.
I honestly can't believe that worked.
You know, this is gonna make our good-bye harder.
Yeah, I know.
Is the way I feel When it's real Yeah - Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! - Do it! Do it! What is happening? He wants me to Officer and a Gentleman you.
Will you sweep this girl off her feet? - The music is playing! - Yeah! There are mountains In our way But we climb - A step every day - No! Ooh Love lifts us up where we belong Where the eagles cry - It's okay! - On a mountain high I saw this in a movie once! Now let's finish this dance.
Love lifts us up where we belong Oh, man.
This must be his.
Gah! I found it by the liquor store.
I figured rabbits' feets are lucky, this thing must be the damn Powerball.
Is everyone ready for tonight's special surprise? Live from Camp Eggers in Kabul, our deployed brothers and sisters from Fort McGee! Hello, Fort McGee! Hooah! Hooah! And none of this would have happened if it weren't for one man.
Give it up for Sergeant Pete Hill! Where'd he go? I hope you don't mind but I brought your brothers along.
Hey.
Hey, Pete.
Well, I didn't end up here on my Alive Day, but I still ended up here.
So much for therapy, huh? It's just seeing those soldiers up on that screen made me think about all the guys that didn't make it that day.
I mean, why should I get to celebrate anything? Because you lived, Pete.
Yeah, I gotta tell you sometimes that is really hard to accept.
You know, I have an Alive Day, too.
You can't get through one without feeling regret.
But now I can talk about it while getting a massage.
I just feel so guilty.
It's okay to feel guilt, son.
It's okay to feel joy, too.
We're so glad you're here, Pete.
All your brothers are.
That was the best night of my life, Sergeant Hill.
Yeah, it was.
You gave me hope.
You made me shine.
You made me a king.
You made me happy.
You got me totally wasted.
Like, seriously, thunder-smashed.
Yeah.
You're supposed to be here, son.
We are brothers.
Yeah, we are.
Okay, let's go celebrate my Alive Day.
Way ahead of you, brother! Ah! Yep, he's already getting naked.
Let's do this! - Yeah! - Yeah! Facing tempests of dust I'll fight until the end Yeah! Creatures of my dreams Raise up and dance with me I'm looking for Chubowski? George Chubowski? Lori! Wait! I'm coming for you! Now and forever I'm your king